The Seme Uke Games
by Tyranno's girl
Summary: You've seen the Battle of the Sexes and the Battle of the Species... But the Battle of Semes vs. Ukes? Romantic-Comedy fic with different characters from different fandoms competing. Which side will you root for?
1. Preview

**A/N: The other project is more (and by more, I mean completely) a romantic-comedy piece. Let's see, shall we? Just a hint: It was majorly inspired by a certain event that's taking place in Vancouver in February... **

* * *

_Tyranno's girl Productions..._

We enter the scene at a colossal stadium. It is heavily, yet tastefully, decorated with flowers, streamers, and posters; confetti sprinkling down and fireworks exploding in the sunny sky. The stadium seating is filled to the brim with spectators, a special section of the seating reserved for the children of the contestants.

Which reminds me.

Contestants for what and where are said contestants? Well, if we look down to the empty fields and to the left and right of it, you will see two covered entryways. A blue sheet covers the one on the left and the one on the right is covered in pink. Inside the pink-covered entryway, a conversation could be heard.

Well... It was more like random statements by each of the people behind it.

"Ve... This banner is heavy! When can we go eat? I wanna get some pasta!"

"Oh, for the love of Jashin! Shut up!"

"Guys... Calm down, we have to have a calm demeanor going into this... Remember, we are the calm, beautiful, honest ones."

"But this is getting boring, un!"

"Too bad. We have to stay still and-- Would you stop jumping around?!"

"Sorry..! But it's so exciting! So exciting!"

"I agree with him! This is going to be awesome, dattebayo!"

"Ugh...!" Groans were heard all around. Then, a meek voice stated,

"I hope that we'll all do our best. Right Kumajiro?"

"Who are you again?"

"Oh..." Then,

"Don't worry! We're going to cream the competition because I'm the hero!"

"Ugh...!" More groans.

"With team-mates like this maybe we'll have to..." A briefcase of medication was brought out and glasses were delicately pushed back with one finger. "Thin out the competition?"

"Oh, now don't be mean! As long as we have our wits, we can beat them easy!" As things were going on, blue eyes looked around and found a pair of sea-foam green ones outlined by eyeliner.

"Hey! Are you ready for the main event?" The green eyes looked up and rolled,

"I'd rather die..."

"That's the spirit, dattebayo!"

Before another groan arose, a smooth voice stated, "Now let's not let hostility get in ze way of this pure competition, mon amis!" There was silence as everyone looked at the owner of the voice. Then shrieks and protests,

"Oh, for Heaven's sake!"

"Mon pére, please put on your clothes!"

"What?! But that would get in ze way of the tradition in this event!"

"PUT ON YOUR CLOTHES!!!"

* * *

On the opposite side of the field, behind the blue curtain, another conversation was taking place.

"Alright! On the count of three I want everyone to give a big 'Go team'! Ready? One..."

"There's no way in hell... Unless you pay me that is."

"Two..."

"Can we count down in Espanol?"

"Three! Go team! Wait a minute, you guys didn't join in!"

"Because we didn't want to?"

"Come on! It'll boost team-morale!"

"We don't need our morale boosted! Not as long as you all have the Awesome Me!"

"Oh..." Groans all around.

"Maybe we should all be having a quick drink," A gloved hand brought out a large bottle, "I brought some of my best vodka, da?"

"Damn you!" Light green eyes narrowed in agitation, "Don't tempt me, you know what happens when I drink!" There was a bit of laughter before a voice added,

"Do we even need to try that hard? I mean, we don't want to hurt their feelings or anything, right?"

"Nein... But they proposed this challenge so we have to respond." Sounds of agreement were heard all around. However, soon a large horn sounded.

"Guys, it's time!"

"Raise up the banner!"

* * *

"Come on you guys, carry the banner right! We have to get going!" There was commotion behind the pink curtain while all the people behind it tried to get ready to make their entrance.

* * *

_Proudly Presents..._

The audience in the stands was quiet as they waited. The band on-stage waited for a signal from the administrative-booth. When they got it, they began playing a loud fanfare. When the music started, the curtains parted and revealed large groups of men, both young and older. The crowds went crazy as both groups started marching toward the center field. The men from behind the blue curtain were all older, stronger-looking, and confident as they walked behind three men that held up a large, blue banner that had the kanji for 'seme' on it.

"IT'S LONELY AT THE TOP!!" They all called out in high-spirits to the crowd. As they passed the children's area, half of the children cheered, while the other half waited for the other side to pass.

"Hi Vati!" A girl with curly blonde hair waved happily.

On the other side, however, the younger, delicate-looking males were struggling to figure out who should hold their banner, which had the kanji for 'uke' on it. Finally, they came to a decision and marched across the field. They all cheered,

"ROOT FOR THE UNDER-DOG!!"

After that, they other half of the children got up and cheered wildly.

"Mama! Be a good boy, okay?" A green-skinned girl with green hair that had flowers in it cheered, orange yes wide and cheerful.

The groups marched around the field for a while, spurred on by the triumphant music, until they both walked to the center field. When both groups were there, you could sense the tension in the air as both groups looked at each other. The bottoms trying their best to look confident against the tops that had no problem with their confident airs.

In the administrative-booth, when she saw that both groups had made it to their respective spots, a woman picked up a microphone and began, "Thank you everyone for coming here today! We are to have the honor of being the spectators of a fantastic event!" The crowds cheered. "We all have seen the battle of the sexes and the battle of the species, but here is a competition that tops those both!" The woman stood up and announced, "We have the honor of hosting and seeing the first ever

SEME-UKE GAMES!!!"

The crowds cheered again, as well as the groups on the field. From here on out, you didn't have to be a fortune-teller to see that things were going to be tense. The atmosphere was tinged with aggression. Until a thump-noise tore the ukes from their stare-down with the semes. Itachi Uchiha, leader of Team-Uke, groaned,

"Did Greece fall asleep again?" Ben Tennyson replied,

"Yep, along with Italy."

The semes had to hold back their laughs. Oh, this was going to be cake.

_**The Seme-Uke Games**__**:**_

_Coming soon to , hopefully around February..._

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**A/N: Yes, my other project is going to be a competition between semes and ukes to see which position is better (not in **_**that**_** way!). It is my hopes that it will be quite the humorous story and I hope that people will like it. The characters that will be in this story are from all my fav yaoi pairings, which means that it's **_**kind of**_** a crossover, but not really. **

**Some characters from these animes and things will be used (That I do not own in anyway whatsoever...): **

**Naruto**

**Hetalia- Axis Powers**

**Pokémon**

**Yu-Gi-Oh! GX**

**Ben 10: Alien Force**

**South Park**

**Super Smash Bros. Brawl**

**Legend of Zelda**

**Petshop of Horrors**

**...And probably more as time goes on. Did anyone catch any of the conversation points, rather who was talking to who? Well, this is just a preview, in the actual fic, I'll say who is who. Also, I could use a partner for this fic in case anyone is interested! And just one more thing, what pairing should I put this fic under? Well, I hope to get some feedback on my previews and I hope that everyone liked them at least a little bit. Until February... **

**-Tyranno's girl.**


	2. Prologue Or WTF Happened?

**A/N: It's finally time! For the first ever Seme-Uke Games! Whoo! *a cricket cries out nearby* Hm… Well, this chapter, I admit, is a bit… well… you'll just have to see for yourselves. I just wanted to explain how the games come about and such.**

**Ah well, hope people enjoy (IT WILL GET BETTER, I can not stress that enough!).**

**Disclaimer- Tyranno's girl Productions does not own or portray any ownership of any of the animes or their characters used in this fic.**

* * *

_Prologue (Or, How All of This Craziness Started)_

It all started, believe it or not, one afternoon in a dining room.

To be exact, the dining room of one Mizukage Kisame Hoshigaki in Kirigakure. The current Mizukage and his friends, Kakuzu Hoku, Sasori Akasuna, and Zetsu, had been taking the afternoon off for some nice relaxation and recreation. This included getting drunk off their asses and that soon turned into talking about their lives, their views on current affairs, and, of course...

..Their ukes.

"I swear! He would rather drown in a rainstorm rather than just tell me that he's afraid of them!" Kisame took another swig from his saké bottle. "It's not like I don't already know!!" They all laughed before Sasori jumped in,

"I swear, all those things they say about blondes are more than true!" The red-head laughed for a bit before mimicking Deidara's voice, "'Danna, un! Help me, un! I need help dialing 9-1-1, un!'" The four laughed again before Kakuzu clreared his throat,

"Let me try! Let me try! Ahem, 'I can't lift a finger to do anything useful because it's an afront to Jashin-sama!'" The semes laughed for a minute before Zetsu added,

"**And don't get us started on Tobi!** I think he has a serious case of ADOLAT." Kisame raised an eyebrow,

"'ADOLAT'?" Zetsu smirked before replying,

"'Attention Defecit-- **Oh Look, A Tree!**'" That got them all laughing again, Kakuzu even falling out of his chair in a combination of being drunk and laughing too hard. It was at that very moment that Itachi Uchiha, Hidan, Deidara Azumoji, and Tobi Uchiha walked in from a day doing God knows what (It was actually attending a desserts-convention that was in town.) They were chattering away before they all saw their laughing semes at the dining table.

"Hey guys! What's going on, un?" Deidara asked when the semes could finally stop laughing. Trying his best to sober up, Sasori smiled at his lover and answered,

"Nothing, nothing. So," He leaned into his chair, "What did you guys do today?" Tobi jumped onto his sempai's back and giggled before stating,

"We went to the desserts-convention! There were a lot of sweets and Tobi got really, super hyper! The security guard that restrained Tobi was really nice though..." Zetsu smirked and huggled his little uke, cooing,

"**Oh my little idiot... **My adorable little idiot..." Tobi whined,

"Idiot? That's not nice, Zetsu-san!" Zetsu continued on in his drunken stupor,

"**But it's true~!** I mean, I know that you're an uke so it's expected, but---"

"Wait just a sushi-making minute there!!" Itachi, Deidara, and Hidan interrupted.

"What the fuck do you mean 'it's expected'?" Hidan asked. The semes looked at each other and then at the ukes.

"Well, isn't it obvious?" Sasori slurred out, pouring a cup of saké.

"What, un?" Deidara huffed and crossed his arms across his chest.

"Well, it's just the fact that..." Kakuzu added.

"Get the fuck on with it, miser..." Hidan growled out, tapping his foot against the floor.

"**Compared to semes...** Ukes are kind of..." Zetsu yawned.

"Kind of what?" Tobi asked.

"Well..." Kisame began again, "We'd rather not say under risk of a month of no sex without parole." At that, the four ukes had the same thought.

_'Just what were they trying to say, huh?'_

But that was before the semes began opening their mouths again and stating things that would make even the most refined uke have kittens.

Let's just say that Kisame had to sleep in the living room that night.

* * *

"I still can't believe you guys." Itachi murmured as he kept up his show-smile. Being the mother of the Mizukage's son, Itachi had to show up at every other important even that Kisame went to. Kisame kept up his smile as he waved to a couple of photographers,

"We were joking, Itachi. And, um, we _were_ drunk. Hell, _I_ don't even remember half of whatever we said." Itachi rolled his eyes,

"Being drunk doesn't _make_ you do or say anything, it only lets you do or say something you really want to." Itachi shook his hand, "Damn, how do those Rose Parade bitches do it?" before turning to Kisame, "We're not useless." Kisame raised an eyebrow,

"Um, whom are you talking about?" Itachi scoffed,

"Ukes in general. We are just as important as you semes." Itachi was secure in his statement until he heard a snicker besides him. Frowning, he asked, "Are you laughing?" Kisame turned so Itachi wouldn't see his smile, replying,

"Oh no, Itachi. Perish the thought!" although he as still snickering. Itachi narrowed his scarlet eyes,

"You don't think so, do you?" Kisame waved his hand defensively, saying,

"Oh no! I think that you ukes can think whatever you want." However, under his breath he murmured, "Even though it's complete B.S...." At that moment, all the seats in the hall were filled and everyone could finally sit down. Kisame began to address everyone; "First and foremost, I thank all of you for coming to this conference today. I will be answering questions about the economy in the Land of Water. So, let's begin..."

As Kisame began answering various questions from the audience, Itachi rolled his eyes and brought out his cell-phone. He texted something to Deidara and waited for a response. It came back almost immediately and Itachi read:

_"Danna doesn't think he did anything wrong either. It freakin' sux, un..."_ Itachi scoffed before texting,

_"They don't take us seriously, that's the problem."_ Send. Reply:

_"Well, un. D'you have any ideas, un?"_ Itachi thought for a moment. Sure, they could say that their semes were untactful morons; they say it everyday! But most of the time they just brushed it off as words of undying emotion covered with a spicy sauce of disdain.

Hell, the only way to get anything through the thick skull of a seme was...

"To make them eat their own words..." Itachi realized. He glanced at Kisame who was currently answering a question about the price of water in the Land of Water (WTH?). However, Itachi smiled and texted Deidara once more, saying:

_"Be in the office when I get back."_

* * *

"What the hell are we doing here?" Hidan sighed as he, Itachi, Deidara, and Tobi were sitting around the office in Kisame's house back in Kirigakure.

"No one asked you to come here, Hidan." Itachi sighed back, turning on the computer. As Itachi clicked on the internet icon, he mused, "Now, does anyone know of any other famous ukes?" Tobi asked,

"What do you mean?"

"Well," Itachi began, "There has to be a firm example somewhere that the others don't know what the hell they're talking about. We know that _we're_ useful. But we need more proof. So..." Hidan hummed but then exclaimed,

"Hey, look up the Smash Mansion!" Itachi raised a thin eyebrow,

"The what?"

"The Smash Mansion! I mean-- move!" Hidan took the keyboard and typed something before the Smash Mansion website came up. "It's a fighting tournament that comes up every so often. But where is... Aha!" Hidan clicked on the link that read 'This week's best couple countdown!' When the page reloaded, there was a picture of an angel with brown hair and blue eyes wearing a toga. He was in the arms of a swordsman with short blue hair and blue eyes.

"Ah, he's cute, un." Deidara commented on the swordsman. Itachi shook his head and read the article that was next to the picture:

"'This week's most popular couple from Smash Mansion is, once again, the adorable duo of Ike the mercenary and Pit the angel. This couple began their humble roots at the beginning of the Smash Mansion Tournament as fierce competitors but cupid soon had these two in a strong threshold without any chance of letting go. Despite his rugged appearance, Ike has been described as a loyal, loving, and honey-hearted seme. Pit, besides his cherub-like beauty, has been commented as being kind, sweet, and very strong when it comes to something he cares about. The two's relationship is still going on and this week they shall be fighting a team-match against the week's runner-up couple, Link and Sheik.'" The four ukes looked carefully at Pit's smiling face before agreeing,

"He is _not_ as innocent as he looks." Itachi nodded, telling Deidara,

"Write his name down, I'm moving onto the next couple." Itachi scrolled down and there was a picture of two blondes. The taller had golden hair with blue eyes and was wearing a green tunic, sword fastened behind his back. The other was sunflower-blonde with red eyes, wearing a tight blue suit and a scarf-like mask covered the bottom of his face. "Ahem,

'Both from the Land of Hyrule, the Link, the hero of time, and Sheik, the last member of the Sheikaih tribe, are this week's runner-ups. Whereas they began their ties during their adventuring days, they have both settled down enough to have a true relationship. Strong, true, always willing to help, Link is the epitome of a hero and lover. Sheik, being soft-spoken and more secretive, is more accustomed to hiding in the shadow of the Princess Zelda (The three are very close friends) but has been known to be quite protective and insightful. This week shall be their second team-match against Ike and Pit, so be sure to stay tuned!" When Itachi finished reading, Hidan wrote something down on a sticky note before Deidara wrote down Sheik's name.

"Next we have..." Itachi scrolled down and saw a blushing, feminine-looking blue-haired swordsman being huggled by a smirking redhead. "Okay, let's see...

'Being beaten out for their usual second-place spot, Roy and Marth have dropped to third place. The two swordsmen have been in Smash Mansion since the second tournament and just revealed their relationship when Roy was excluded from performing in the tournament this time around. Their relationship could best be described as 'good friends turned lovers', with Roy being the dominant in this couple (despite his being one year younger than Marth). The two are always seen together in the Mansion and Roy still cheers Marth on from the sidelines. What a sweet guy, huh?'" Itachi scrolled down and said,

"The rest of them are straight couples." before exiting out of the page. "Well, any other places? Because we only have three names so far." Tobi cheered,

"What about Naruto?"

"Oh, God, no!" The others groaned but Tobi wrote the blonde's name down anyway. Deidara hummed before yawning,

"This is hard, un. I'm going to watch TV!" And he turned on the television that was in the office. The blonde male skimmed through the channels until he stopped to check the time on one of them. Coincidentally, it was a sports channel that was showing a Duel Monsters tournament. "My God, un, who watches this crap?" but despite himself he found himself watching for a bit.

The four ukes watched the two that were dueling, a spunky young auburn-headed male named Jaden Yuki, and an emo-looking ball of sunshine named Chazz Princeton. "Makes me almost miss Sasuke." Itachi mused. It was when the announcer began talking about the contestant that the interest level went up.

_"As we all know, Jaden and Chazz both graduated from the highly acclaimed Duel Academia. However, so did their lovers!"_ The camera scrolled over to where a long-haired navy-blunette sat on a bench on Chazz's side of the field, looking more than calm and confident. _"One Zane 'Hell Kaiser' Truesdale..."_ Then the camera scrolled over to the bench behind Jaden. There was a teen standing in front of it, wearing a silver tuxedo. He had silver hair and blue eyes as he called out,

"Come on Jaden!"

_"..And Aster Phoenix. The competitors..."_ Hidan asked with a smirk,

"So, who do you think is the bitch in each relationship?" Itachi immediately said,

"Chazz is definitely uke. But I'm not too sure about Jaden..." Deidara laughed,

"Uke, un. Look!" They looked closer and saw that Jaden was walking to the bench to get a bottle of water, a slight limp in his step. "That's two more names, un." Deidara changed the channel and skimmed for a bit more until he just decided to turn it off. Itachi thought of something,

"What about countries?"

"Countries?"

"You know, the personifications of the countries." Itachi dug through the drawer of the computer desk and pulled out a couple of paparazzi magazines. "There are also other famous couples in here, so let's get started."

* * *

It was almost dinner-time when they finished but they had composed a pretty decent list. Now, it was just a matter of getting into contact with all of these people.

* * *

"Hello? Yes, um is this Ben Tennyson? ... Yes, um... Well, my name is Itachi Uchiha... Yes, the Mizukage's 'wife'... I'm just calling to see if you would like to come to a banquet that I'm throwing. Uh-huh... It's next week-end... I realize that you might have patrol or something, but I-- Hm? I guess there will be smoothies. Oh! So you'll come? Alright, thank you so much! I hope to see you soon."

Itachi hung up and dialed another number.

"Hello? Would this be, um... Feliciano Vargas? What? Oh, sorry Lovino! It's just that you sound so much like your younger brother.... Yes, yes I realize that a lot of people must make that 'same damn mistake' ... Well, this is Itachi Uchiha speaking, and I just wanted to invite you and your brother to a special banquet that I'll be throwing next weekend... Um, was that Feliciano? Well, tell him that yes we might have pasta. With tomatoes? Um, sure? Okay, see you soon."

Next number.

"Good evening, may this be Matthew Williams? ... Um, no I meant to call you, not America, Canada... Um, well I just wanted to invite you to a special banquet that will be hosted by one Itachi Uchiha. Um, yes... Yes... Pancakes? Isn't that a breakfast food? The 'special' kind? Hm... I'll see what I can do. Alright, thank you."

Itachi hung up the phone and thought for a second. "Who was I just talking to? Oh well, time to call America." However, just before he could dial the number, the phone rang. Itachi picked it up and was immediately greeted by a loud voice,

"Itachi! How could you not invite your own brother-in-law, dattebayo?" Itachi groaned,

"Naruto, fine! If you want to come along, you can! But I'm not promising that there will be ramen." Naruto ignored the brunette and cheered,

"Whoo! Party-time! And don't skimp out on the ramen, Itachi!!", before the phone clicked off. Itachi shook his head and sighed,

"Why is my brother in love with an idiot?" He then dialed the number he tried to dial before and waited.

"Hello. Ow! Why are you so loud?! You're the hero? ... Anyway, Mr. Jones ... Okay then, _Alfred_, this is Itachi Uchiha speaking. Who am I? You just visited the Mizukage three months ago and you don't remember his 'wife'?! Yes! Yes, I was... Oh, 'the girly-looking brunette'... Any way, just wanted to call and invite to a banquet that I'm throwing. ... No fast food. No, Alfred. No-- You know what? If you want it so bad, you can bring it! Good night!"

Itachi rubbed his temples before trying another number. Immediately, he regretted it when a short scream rang through the phone. Damn Americans.

"Hello, Is this..? Is this Tweek Tweak? No, wait, did you just say Underpants Gnomes? You know what? Just no... Hm? Hello? Wait, who are you? Pip Pirrup?" Itachi looked at his list. "Well, you are on my list... Oh, right. My name is Itachi Uchiha and I'm throwing a banquet for certain couples. I would like it very much f you would attend... It's next weekend... Oh, you'll come? Great! Oh, could you invite a Gregory and a Kyle Brofloski? Oh, thank you so much. Have a good night."

Itachi sighed in relief. One sane person amongst all the crazies that he had called tonight. However, he wasn't done yet. He read another number and was about to call it when a voice from the door asked,

"Mother, the baka-same wants to know when are you coming to bed." Itachi looked over and saw his and Kisame's five year-old son, Mizuki. The pale boy had black and blue hair and was looking at Itachi with sleepy black eyes. Itachi smiled and said,

"I'll be done in a little bit. Then I'll tuck you in." Mizuki nodded and asked,

"And Hun too?" Itachi frowned at the thought of the dog-boy that wouldn't stop following his son around.

"No. And tell him to get off the bed!" Mizuki rolled his eyes before leaving to his room. When he was alone again, he called the number of one "'Let's see if Count D is at least a little but sane..."

* * *

The following week was hectic enough, what with keeping up the facade of the Mizukage's family and friends while going on missions for the Akatsuki in secret. But soon the day of the banquet arrived. Itachi was currently helping Kisame into one of his Mizukage robes for what the brunette called...

"A fund-raiser event?" Itachi nodded.

"Just a little get together to raise money for the orphanage. Nothing to worry about." Kisame gave Itachi a skeptical look but put on the hat-thing that went with the robe. "Great, now come on!" Itachi walked out of the door, waving for Kisame to follow.

* * *

The banquet was in full swing after about a couple of hours. It seemed that the event was split into two parts: The semes on the left and the ukes on the right.

If you were to walk in, you would probably go to the seme side because, quite frankly, they looked like they were having the most fun. Especially since the personification of England (Arthur Kirkland) had gotten hammered and was currently leading everyone in a hearty pirate-jig, while stripping himself of his clothes…

"Yo ho ho, and a bottle of rum, maties!" He slurred as everyone on that side was dancing and drinking.

"You are a God-awful drunk, England!" Kakuzu stated, "But then again, I'm over here dancing with you, so what does that say?!" The brunette was dancing along with the blonde nation and everyone was laughing.

On the uke side…

"Ve… They look like they're having fun!" Northern Italy (Feliciano Vargas) sighed as he sat eating ravioli at one of the tables. A brunette named Ben Tennyson rolled his electric green-eyes,

"Yeah, get enough semes together with enough booze and it's a party." The ukes all sighed. Itachi frowned softly before stating,

"Okay. That's enough.", and walking up to the stage. When the raven-haired male got up, he spoke, "Excuse me." The semes were still carrying on. "Um, hello?"

"_This ain't a scene, it's a God-damned arms-race!"_ All the semes began singing. _"This ain't a scene, it's a God-damned arms-race!"_ Itachi rolled his eyes and gestured for Hidan to come up. The albino grabbed the microphone, yelling,

"Would all of you drunken bastards shut the fuck up?!" That got their attention.

"We aren't drunk, dude." A male named Stan Marsh stated. A blonde named Leon Orcot added,

"Nope. We are plastered!", which caused all of the semes to laugh again. Itachi took back the microphone and began,

"Now, first of all, I would like to thank everyone for coming," There were some snickers when Itachi said that word, "to this banquet. When I was planning it, I had no idea that I would get such a strong turn-out." Someone laughed,

"You mean when your husband planned it, kesese!" Itachi frowned.

"No… I planned it." The semes all laughed.

"Your good at that, da?" Russia (Ivan Braginski) smiled. Itachi frowned,

"It's not a joke! Ugh, why do you guys always do this?" A black-haired male named Kevin Levin asked,

"Do what?"

"Ugh..!" Itachi groaned, "Someone take this microphone before I Mangekyou someone's ass to oblivion!" A blonde British male named Pip Pirrup took the mic.

"Um, I do believe that what our kind hostess is saying is that, well…"

"Get on with it Frenchie!" Someone yelled. Pip growled,

"I'm not bloody French, damn it!" He rolled his blue eyes before adding, "Oh, to hell with it, you are all being insensitive jerks!!" There was a huge collective gasp among the semes. Spain (Antonio Fernandez Carriedo) stood up and stated,

"Hey… that's not true, we love you guys." Southern Italy (Lovino Vargas) grabbed the mic from Pip and retorted,

"You guys don't act like it sometimes!" Prussia (Gilbert Beilschmidt) stood up, a bit wobbly, and yelled,

"What are you talking about? We are completely awesome to you guys!" Deidara got the mic and asked everyone,

"Oh really, un? Then do you think that an uke could ever beat a seme?"

There was a collective 'Huh?'.

"I mean, in like a game or contest, un."

3..2..1…

"AH HA HA HA HA HA!!!" All the semes began laughing.

"You guys, beat us?!" England had sobered enough and was laughing, despite his up-coming headache. The ukes all frowned at this spectacle. And Itachi had had enough. He grabbed the microphone and spoke,

"If you're all _so _confident, prove it!" Kisame walked up to the stage and asked,

"What do you mean, Itachi?" Itachi replied,

"Let's play a game! Semes versus Ukes and we'll see who wins!" Kisame raised an eyebrow but smiled as he pat Itachi on the head.

"Now, I know that you're angry but we can't let a little hissy-fit cause all of your guys' embarrassment, now can we?" My God, Kisame does not know when to shut up, huh?

"That's it!" A blonde by the name of America (Alfred Jones) jumped up behind the fuming Itachi and announced, "It won't just be a game! It will be a whole competition!!"

"Competition?" Everyone questioned. Itachi snapped out of his rage and smirked,

"Right! It will be a whole competition between Semes and Ukes. Kind of like…"

"The Olympics, eh?" The meek country of Canada (Matthew Williams), blonde like his brother America, spoke up.

"Who said that?" Itachi looked around and saw Matthew, "Oh Matthew, you came. But, yes! Kind of like the Olympics!" The proposition slowly went around the room.

"That would be awesome, dattebayo!" Naruto Uzumaki exclaimed. Sasuke Uchiha frowned,

"Isn't this just a waste of time. I mean, won't we win?" All the semes agreed. China (Wang Yao) walked up and announced,

"If you are all so confident, aru, then why don't you just agree, aru?" All the semes and ukes cheered and Kisame sighed before holding out his hand to Itachi.

"Shake on it?" He smirked. Itachi smirked back and took the hand. When the two shook each other's hands, it was official.

The Seme-Uke Games were on.

* * *

**A/N: That chapter was... ugh!!! I originally just wanted to start writing from the competition but my friend was constantly saying, "Why are they having the games? You're going to confuse people!" So think of this as an expository chapter. However, if any questions rise up (or if anyone has any ideas or feedback) please review or message me. **

**The next chapter is where the comedic randomness begins so I hope that people will tune in next week. By the by, here is a small listing of the characters that were in this chapter (who I don't own in anyway whatsoever, except for Mizuki and Hun. They are my OC's much like most of the children in this fic): **

**Naruto- **

**Kisame Hoshigaki **

**Itachi Uchiha**

**Sasori**

**Deidara **

**Kakuzu**

**Hidan**

**Zetsu**

**Tobi **

**Sasuke Uchiha**

**Naruto Uzumaki **

**Super Smash Bros. Brawl- **

**Ike **

**Pit **

**Link **

**Sheik **

**Roy **

**Marth **

**Hetalia - Axis Powers- **

**Russia (Ivan Braginski) **

**America (Alfred F. Jones) **

**England (Arthur Kirkland) **

**Germany (Ludwig)**

**Northern Italy (Feliciano Vargas)**

**Spain (Antonio Fernandez Carriedo)**

**Southern Italy (Lovino Vargas)**

**Prussia (Gilbert Beilschimdt)**

**Canada (Matthew Williams)**

**China (Wang Yao)**

**Yu-Gi-Oh! GX-**

**Aster Phoenix**

**Jaden Yuki**

**Zane Truesdale**

**Chazz Princeton**

**Ben 10: Alien Force-**

**Kevin Levin**

**Ben Tennyson**

**South Park-**

**Stan Marsh**

**Kyle Brofloski**

**Pip Pirrup**

**Tweek Tweak**

**Gregory**

**Petshop of Horrors-**

**Leon Orcot**

**Count D**

**(I really hope that that was everyone, I know I missed someone but I can't figure out who…)**

**Please review! * bows ***

**-Tyranno's girl.**


	3. List of Couples

**A/N: Hey, Sightlines! I wrote out the list of the couples. And here it is. **

**Disclaimer- No ownie!**

* * *

Naruto:

KisaIta

SasuNaru

KakuHida

SasoDei

Zettobi

OroKabu

KakaIru

NejiGaa

ZabuHaku

RaigaxRanmaru

Hetalia - Axis Powers:

RussiaxAmerica

GermanyxN. Italy

PrussiaxCanada

SpainxS. Italy

EnglandxFrance

TurkeyxGreece

KoreaxChina

Pokémon:

Prof. OakxTracy

Yu-Gi-Oh! GX:

ZanexChazz

AsterxJaden

Ben 10: Alien Force:

KevinxBen

South Park:

StanxKyle

DamienxPip

ChristophexGregory

CraigxTweek

Super Smash Bros. Brawl/ Legend of Zelda:

IkexPit

RoyxMarth

LinkxSheik

Petshop of Horrors:

LeonxCount D

Sonic the Hedgehog (Human forms, people!):

ShadowxSonic

* * *

**A/N: I'm **_**so**_** hoping that I didn't forget any of my couples. I have the slight feeling that I did. Waah... **

**Oh well, there's the couple list. Also, the order is: Seme on the left, Uke on the right (SemexUke). And, like I say in my profile, I don't budge. **

**Anyway, let's get back to the story huh? **

**-Tyranno's girl.**


	4. Preparations and Locations

**A/N: Let's see how the guys are doing. On with the fic! I hope you enjoy!**

**I also just want to give mad props to Sightlines for reading and reviewing. Thank you, you rock! *bows in appreciation*. **

**Disclaimer- Except for my OC's (which are mostly the kids), I don't own anything.**

* * *

_Preparations_

The semes and ukes had very different ways of preparing for the upcoming competition.

Team Uke:

Itachi Uchiha was currently on the Internet, researching various things for the Games. He also took the time and looked up just who his teammates were.

As despairing as that was.

Because, you know, watching the fighters on your team get KO'ed, the countries on your team constantly getting their 'vital-regions' invaded, and just everyone else being well...

"Oh dear gods, what did I get myself into?" The brunette sighed.

---

"Ve... Doitsu, Doitsu!" N. Italy called out for his lover, walking from the kitchen with a huge plate of spaghetti. Germany (Ludwig) looked up from his paperwork and answered,

"Ja Italia?"

"Lunch is ready!" The smaller nation held out his plate. Ludwig nodded but just as he reached for the plate, Feliciano walked away with a, "You should hurry up and get to the kitchen and get some. If there's any left... Hm, maybe I should have made more..." The blonde nation's eyebrow twitched before he sighed,

"He is the mother of your child... He is the mother of your child..."

---

"Oi, Teme." Naruto Uzumaki, current Hokage, poked his husband with his foot as they were both lounging on the couch in their home. Sasuke groaned,

"Dobe, what is it? I just got back from training for those stupid games..." Naruto blinked,

"Training for the what now?"

"Oh, for the love of tomato sandwiches!!"

---

"So, Mattie!" The albino nation of Prussia jumped into the meek Canada's bed. The blonde had been laying down in bed for the better part of the day, enjoying his 'I-don't-have-to-deal-with-my-crazy-egomaniacal-lover-and-my-almost-invisible-son'-time. But wouldn't you know it, the albino was jumping up and down on the bed, yelling, "Get up and make the Awesome Me some pancakes! Get up, Get up!!" Matthew groaned softly,

"Gilbert..! Leave me alone..!!" To make matters worse, their son, Ethan, came in. The blonde four year-old boy with red eyes was very quiet like his mother but could always be found thanks to his friend, Donner**(1)**. Donner was a baby thunder-bird **(2)**, she looked like a black and red bald eagle and her eyes were a sparkling red. Like Matthew and Kumajiro, Gilbert and Gilbird, the two were inseparable.

"Guten Morgen and Bonjour..." Ethan quietly stated. When Gilbird cheeped, Prussia looked over and called out,

"My awesome son! Get over and help me convince your mother to get up!" Ethan nodded and spoke,

"Donner. Up please." Donner nodded before tightening her grip on the boy before flying over to the bed. Once there, Gilbert and Ethan just kept on jumping up and down before Matthew groaned,

"Pour l'amour de Dieu!" He sat up, "Alright, alright! God, just get out of my bed!"

---

Sheik had been having a small sparring match with Marth when the blue-haired swordsman asked, "So, how did Link take the whole 'Seme-Uke Games' Idea?" Sheik sighed as he jumped to avoid Marth's blade,

"He said bring it on. But honestly," Sheik looked behind him and saw a Home-Run Bat **(3)**. He hopped over and picked it up. "I really think that if Team-Uke did win, it would knock some sense into the semes." Marth nodded as he charged towards the Sheikaih. Sheik waited until Marth was a step away before charging up and swinging the bat.

Marth screams rang out through the practice stage until the announcer called out "Game!"

---

Leon Orcot walked into Count D's Petshop, expecting to see the Count at least working around the shop. Instead... "Shouldn't you be getting around to preparing for the Games, D?" The Count was lounging about on one of his couches, drinking tea and eating bonbons. Those mismatched purple and yellow eyes looked up at him with their usual smile.

"But my dearest detective," He popped another chocolate into his mouth, "This _is_ how I train."

---

"Dude..." Kyle Brofloski whined out into his cell-phone as he was stuck sitting in the bleachers, waiting for Stan to get off from Football-practice. "I am _so_ bored... What was that? Well, Gregory, I can't come to train if my only ride is too busy getting dry-humped by giant, sweaty guys now can I? ... No, look, if Stan doesn't hurry up I'll just call Pip to pick me up on his way over, okay? ... Alright, say hi to Christophe and Tweek for me." Kyle hung up and sighed as he watched Stan toss the old pig-skin to another player.

"God, I hate Football." The red-head sighed. "AH!" Just then, he was hit in the head by the brown ball.

"Sorry, Jew-boy!" Eric Cartman called over, then he whispered to someone, "Got him."

---

The semes were working hard too.

In fact, at a certain mansion in the snowy tundras of Russia... (*Authoress hears a myriad of agonized screams coming from the basement of said mansion*)

Um... Yes, moving on!

---

"Hola Señoras!" Spain called out as a flock of beautiful women ran to him. "Mis señoras encantadoras **(4)**... I am afraid that I must be leaving you soon." The women whined,

"Oh... Why?"

"Well..." Spain began, "You see, I..." _Splat!_ "Ai! What was..?" Spain looked behind him and saw and angry looking S. Italy with a basket of tomatoes that were just begging to be thrown at someone. "Oh, Lovi... I was just--" _Splat!_ "Si... Si... Señoras, I must be going."

---

Kisame Hoshigaki was currently at the Political Office in Kirigakure, doing some official Mizukage-business. "Kisame," Kakuzu began, "You need to go over these financial records..."

A loud snoring was his answer.

"Also, the schools are looking for a bit of financial aid so that they can go on their annual school-trips."

More snoring.

"Kisame, they're serving yellow-tail in the cafeteria today." Immediately, the blue-skinned male stood up and spoke,

"Let's take an hour off for lunch."

---

"You know, 'I fight for my friends'..." Ike began as he was talking to Link in the Smash Mansion's cafeteria. "It's kind of getting stale as a catch-phrase." The blonde hero of time picked up a bottle of milk and, before taking a swig, answered,

"Why don't you just do what I do? Just give a kick-ass, sexy pose that makes the fangirls--" Link posed for a picture when said fangirls appeared in the nearby window. "Basically wet themselves in joy." Ike sighed,

"I don't know, those fangirls--" Ike flashed a soft smile just before the cameras clicked again. "Can be pretty damn scary." The blue-haired mercenary thought for a second before stating, "'Prepare yourself!' What about that one?" Link frowned,

"You might as well stay with 'I fight for my friends'!"

---

At a random book-store in Konoha, a new employee was sitting at the counter just looking through a magazine when she saw a giant pile of books being placed in front of her. "What?" She looked over the pile and saw a man with silver hair, a mask that covered the lower part of his face, and a smiling expression. "May I... Help you?" The employee questioned, eyes scarcely roaming over the racy titles of the books.

Kakashi Hatake replied, "I'd like to buy these. You see, I'm going on a bit of a trip in two weeks, so I'll need something to stay entertained." The employee nodded and began scanning the items.

An hour later (and with a line forming behind them that went around the block) the employee spoke, "That will be... $1,089... and two cents, sir." Kakashi smiled and took out a large bag. He tipped it over, a bunch of pennies spilling out before he began to count out, one by one,

"One cent... Two cents... Three---"

"OH, COME ON!!" Everyone screamed. Unfortunately, the scream shocked the copy-nin and he sighed,

"Oh, now I'll have to start all over."

"AGH!!!"

---

"No France!" England (Arthur Kirkland) hissed out to the over-affectionate male that was rubbing up on him like a cat in heat.

"Come on now, Mon amour..." France (Francis Bonnefoy) cooed. "Let us make love... I bet Alfred and Matthew would not mind a younger brother, oui?" England (trying to retain his authority as seme) growled,

"No! I'm not in the mood right now and I have to go train for the games!" France looked deep into the other nation's eyes, the two being silent for a moment. Then,

"Are you in ze mood now?"

"I'm leaving France!" England began walking out of the mansion. Just before the door slammed, France sat on the bed and called out,

"Alright zen, Mon Amour." The blonde spread out his thighs, "I shall be waiting here... With my legs open. **(5)**"

---

"So..." Orochimaru sighed into the phone as he sat at his desk. The Otokage was sitting in his office, talking with his good friend Professor Oak. Kabuto was straightening up around the room, oblivious to the conversation. The black-haired male continued, "Are you going to go to the Games?"

"Well..." Professor Oak mused. In his own Study, Professor Oak was watching Tracy dust the shelves. "It might be a good experience and-- Oh, hold on." The older male spoke out, "Don't forget that space on the top of the shelf, Tracy." The younger black-haired male nodded before standing on his tip-toes to reach the top area. Discreetly, the professor watched as Tracy's shirt lifted up a bit and showed off a bit of skin. "Hm... But like I said, It might be a good experience to go to."

Orochimaru nodded. "Hai. We might just have to-- Oh, wait a second." The Sannin quickly crumbled up a piece of paper and tossed it in the area in front of him. "Ahem, could you get that Kabuto?" The grey-haired young male frowned a bit but bent over and picked up the piece of paper, giving the snake-like man a view of his back-side. "Yes, but like I was saying: We might just have to show those youngsters how to do things old school." Both of the old men shared a chuckle before they both tossed more paper to the floor. "Oh Kabuto~"

"Tracy..."

_The Location_

"Miami! Miami!" America chanted at the table. Next in the pre-Game Schedule, was deciding on where the event would be held. Both teams (Team Seme and Team Uke) were to decide on one candidate each and then have a vote. However, in the conference room that the ukes had reserved, things were not going well.

"No America..." Itachi sighed, at the head of the table, "We are not having the Games in Florida." The hero sighed,

"Oh..." But then he smiled and cheered, "Orlando! Orlando!" Everyone sighed.

"Besides the obvious reasons why we should not have the Games in America," Itachi started, "I mean, I _really_ don't want to be acquainted with _that_ part of your anatomy, Alfred. So," Itachi looked at everyone, "Where should we have the games?" Gaara Sabaku sighed,

"We should have them in Sunagakure...," to which Deidara scoffed,

"Yeah, un. So we can all die of dehydration, un." The long-haired blonde exclaimed, "I say Iwagakure, un!" Naruto then jumped up and cheered,

"We should have the Games in Konohagakure! Dattebayo!"

"No Naruto..." Itachi rolled his eyes, "I'd rather not die, thank you very much."

"Rome!" Lovino Vargas stated.

"Venice! Ve... We can have pasta!" Feliciano Vargas raised his hand, immediately ignoring his older brother's suggestion. France pulled a rose out of his sleeve and cooed,

"Mes amis, we should not argue!" Francis smirked, "We all know that we can not go wrong avec Paris!"

"Mon Perè..." Canada began, "Maybe not, eh? However, I'm sure that we could have the games in Quebec, eh?" America interjected,

"Like hell! If you think that you'll get both the Winter Olympics _and_ The Seme Uke Games, then boy you must be slower than molasses going uphill in the winter using crutches!" Then he stated, "New Orleans! New Orleans!" Itachi banged the gavel, the noise jostling the group of their argument for a second.

"Now, let's try this in a nice, civilized manner, okay?" The brunette sighed before pointing the gavel to Ben Tennyson. "Where do you think that we should have the games, Ben?" Ben gave a nervous chuckle as he looked around. But then he stated,

"Well... Um, I like New York?"

"You see that?! _New York! New York! It's a hell of a town!_" America wrapped an arm around Ben's shoulder and laughed out, "Let's have the games in New York!" Kyle scoffed,

"Wait just a meshuganeh **(6)** second there! If we could have the games in New York, we could have them in South Park!"

"Where?" Everyone asked.

"Oh fuck it." The red-head sighed. Itachi groaned and stated,

"What did I get myself into?"

---

"So..." Kisame announced, "Where are we going to have this thing?" Almost immediately, Russia (Ivan Braginski), spoke up,

"Moscow, da?" Prussia chuckled,

"Yes, let's have the games in Russia so that we can freeze to death!" Ivan then turned and stared intently at Prussia before he smiled and said,

"Quiet down bitch."

"THE AWESOMENESS THAT IS ME IS NOT YOUR BITCH!!"

"Sure thing bitch." Kisame shook his head and wrote down Moscow on the board.

"Anywhere else?" Germany raised his hand and stated,

"I think that we should have the Games in Berlin."

"No, we should have the games in Seoul, Da ze!" Korea jumped up. Kisame nodded as he wrote the possible locations down.

"I myself would prefer Kirigakure or Takigakure--"

"Can I get a high-five on that?" Kakuzu held up his hand before the two men high-fived. However, Sasuke spoke up,

"Isn't Takigakure, like, dirt-poor?" Kakuzu glared at the navy-blunette and rolled his eyes,

"Fuck you too, then." England spoke up,

"It should be either London or Liverpool. And I am not budging an inch on that." Spain jumped up and laughed,

"How about Barcelona?"

"There's always the Smash Mansion." Link proposed, Roy and Ike nodding in agreement. Kisame wrote down the suggestion but then spoke up,

"Let's see... Hey, Kevin!" Said black-haired male looked up,

"S'up?"

"Where do you think we should have the Games?"

"New York, of course." Kisame chuckled,

"Why didn't I see that coming?", as he wrote down the location. A hand rose up and Kisame pointed, "Yeah Zane?" The younger navy-blunette spoke softly,

"Domino City.**(7)**"

It was as if everything stopped for a second. Then,

"It is warm there, da?"

"Not as good as Liverpool, but it'll do."

"Si, Domino City with its pretty women will be quite the location!" Kisame wrote down the city's name and spoke up,

"Now that we have our candidate, let's see how the ukes are doing."

---

"People, people!!" Itachi banged the gavel onto the table. "If we don't decide on a location soon, I'll choose one!" Naruto's eyes sparkled. "And it won't be Konoha!"

"You suck!" The spiky blonde pouted.

"Only for my husband. Now then," Itachi skimmed through all the potential locations and circled one. "I choose the Bahamas."

There were a lot of groans and a lot of cheers.

"What the hell, Itachi?!" Hidan screeched, "Have you forgotten that some of us do _not_ tan well?!" Itachi huffed as he scribbled out the Bahamas,

"Fine then. I'll choose..." Itachi trailed off, and everyone was almost afraid that the brunette had fallen asleep on them.

"Itachi... You okay, un?" Abruptly, the brunette snapped the pencil he had in two and screamed,

"Ugh, I am so tired of this! We'll just let the semes decide!!" Suddenly,

"Domino City! Whoo whoo! Domino City! Whoo whoo!!" The semes cheered as they marched into the uke conference room.

"Thanks for agreeing with us Itachi!" Kisame hugged his 'wife'. "It makes things _so_ much easier!" Itachi rolled his scarlet eyes.

"I hate you." He whispered but then added, "Get me out of here, these ukes are about to drive me _crazy_!!"

* * *

**A/N: **

**(1) 'Donner' is the German word for 'Thunder'. I know, not very creative... **

**(2) A thunder-bird (more popular in Native American and Native Canadian legend) is a mystical bird that either flies during or brings about thunder storms. It's actually one of the mascots for the Vancouver Winter Olympics, along with a sasquatch (basically Bigfoot) and a sea-bear (I have no idea...). **

**(3) My best weapon when it comes to Super Smash Brothers. It just takes forever to charge up... **

**(4) Spanish for 'My lovely ladies...' **

**(5) I got this part from the little bit I saw of the movie ****Nine**** when I watched the Golden Globes. It was pretty fucking funny, so I decided to use it. **

**(6) A traditional Yiddish term for 'crazy' or 'crazy person'. I use it a lot (besides my being Christian and not Jewish) and my best friend, who actually has Jewish parents, often questions my antics. ... I loved ****Fiddler on the Roof****, damn it! **

**(7) This city is from the Yu-Gi-Oh! series. I just don't remember which series it was from... Oh well. **

**So the location is set (yay!), now we just have to get through telling the kids and choosing team-leaders before the games can begin! WOOT! But please, read and review. I'm going back to college next week and I need all the cheer I can get. **

**Watch the Olympics! (If you want to...) and a happy Valentine's Day to all! **

**-Tyranno's girl. **


	5. Telling the Kids and Team Captains

**A/N: **

**America- Hey, you guys! Nufufu! It's me, the world's hero, coming to say that I have been given the super-cool honor of taking care of the author's note today! Also, I-- Hey~! (*Alfred is dragged away by a familiar gloved hand*) Let me go, you fucker! **

**TG- Thank you, Russia. **

**Russia- (*nods*) You are welcome. Now, Alfred... How about you and I become one, da? **

**America- NOOO!!! (*is dragged off to nearest closet*) **

**TG- (*sighs*) Oh boy. But yeah, I have an update for this fic! Yay! I'm really hopeful for this story, so let's continue. **

**Note- Also, I went ahead and moved this fic to the 'Kisame and Itachi' section of the site because, well, you'll see. **

**Note2- OC's ahoy! Like I've said earlier though, it's mostly just children of the competitors. **

**Disclaimer- I don't own anything but my OC's and the plot of this tale. **

* * *

_Informing the Kids_

Of course, if such an event as The Seme-Uke Games was going to occur, the competitors would have to inform their families. They would also have to explain to their children why 'mommy' and 'daddy' were competing against each other.

---

"So, you see..." Kisame began as he sat at the front of the Akatsuki meeting table. "The Games are composed of a series of events and things and they would require us to travel to Domino City for a couple of weeks." There was quiet for a couple minutes. Then Pein spoke up,

"I'm sorry. Did everyone mange to forget that we are an evil organization trying to take over the worl--"

"I think that this is an amazing idea!" Konan jumped up and cheered, ignoring the Akatsuki leader. "And best of all, all of the best couples will be there! Ooh!" She began to walk out, giggling, "I have to put a bulletin on MySpace!" Pein slowly walked after his girlfriend, sighing,

"Damn yaoi-fangirl..." When the two were gone. Itachi walked over to the smaller table besides the larger one. At this table, the children of the Akatsuki sat just in case Pein wanted to send them out on little side-missions. The brunette looked at the seven children and asked,

"Do you guys understand what's going to happen?" Mizuki sighed,

"A bunch of semes and a bunch of ukes are going to get together, play some games, and try to settle a score that we all know should go to the ukes."

"Blasphemy!" Sasori exclaimed. A blonde boy, the soft locks tinged blue at the edges, with green eyes clutched onto a small marionette doll before he asked,

"Well, maybe it won't be as simple as that, ano sa? Both sides could put up a good fight, ano sa?" Deidara exclaimed,

"Saso! Have a little more faith in Mommy, un!" This caused Sasori to scoff and smirk,

"Says you." Just before the blonde could retort, Hidan went to three of the kids. Kiro, the eldest of the triplets, looked just like his father (emerald eyes taking in the situation, stitches on his skin from various fights with his siblings). Kire, the second eldest, had shorter brown hair but his green eyes smiled as the albino walked over. Finally, Kira, the youngest. A small albino girl with her medium-length white hair in pig-tails and a Jashin rosary around her neck.

Hidan looked at his kids before asking, "Who do you love more, me or the fucker over there?" Kakuzu sighed,

"Because that's not an under-handed trick at all, Hidan." And then the two immortals began a quick yelling match, the triplets just sighing at the familiar sight. Hell, if the two _weren't_ yelling, or stabbing each other, or breaking things, _that_ would be scary!

A girl with green-tinted skin, flowers in her wild green hair and orange eyes looking up at Zetsu and Tobi. "I don't get it..." Ongakuhana spoke, sharp teeth being revealed with each syllable. "Mama and Papa were good boys, what do you need to prove?"

"Well-- um-- you see..." Everyone in the room stuttered out. However, it was Hun, Mizuki's best friend, who stated,

"This oughta be fun! I can't wait to cheer for you guys!" The kids looked at the boy with the black dog ears and mixed-shade hair before they all arose in a clamor of whispers and murmurs. Itachi sighed. He was almost thankful for the little dog-boy who had attached himself to his son and--

He quickly frowned and spoke, "Mizuki! Get the dog off of the chair!" Hun whined as he moved to the floor.

---

On a random road in... oh, let's say Los Angeles, CA, there was a red Mustang with shaded windows driving along. Inside said car was Russia, America, and their son, Alexandr. The young boy had platinum-blonde hair that almost looked white and his eyes changed color depending on how much light was around, almost akin to the Aurora Borealis.

After a while of driving in silence, America spoke up, "Alexandr! Where do you want to--?"

"Wendy's." Came the calm, quiet reply. America whined,

"What? But McDonald's is right there!" The blonde nation pointed to the red and yellow fast-food restaurant that was, literally, five feet away. Alexandr shook his head softly and said,

"I don't like McDonald's. I want to go to Wendy's." Russia held back a chuckle when America tried to negotiate,

"Wendy's is on the other side of town!" to which the boy replied,

"I don't care. Wendy's." America sighed before waving his hand in defeat. Russia chuckled,

"When are you going to learn that there some things that you just can't negotiate with?" America groaned,

"Just shut up and keep driving." So the drive continued on in silence before Alexandr spoke up.

"After lunch I want to go to the zoo." America smiled: something that they could have an interest in? "I need to pick out something for Boris to eat tonight."

Well, that hope was shattered. America flopped back into his seat before speaking again. "So, are you ready to see your cousin Ethan and all of your other friends at the Games?" Alexandr raised a thin eyebrow as they, finally, made it to the Wendy's drive-through.

"Who? Oh wait. That timid boy with the thunder-bird?" Alfred nodded before crawling across Russia's lap to get to the speaker.

"Yeah, hold on!" He turned to Russia, who just shook his head, and then Alexandr, who stated,

"A cheese-burger, a chicken sandwich, and two frostees." Alfred got the order across (ordering a combo for himself) and sat back in his seat. They drove up and while they waited for their order, Alexandr added, "All the children there are going to be idiots... I'll just hang out with Boris." Russia chuckled,

"He has a point, da?" America just sighed as he crawled over to get the food.

---

"Kevin!" Ben called out as he got to the black-haired male's apartment. There wasn't a response. "Oh great... Where did that..." The brunette hero walked around the messy apartment, "...Idiot get to?"

Ben continued on until he stepped on a certain pile of clothes and received a groan. "Hm?" He stepped on it again.

"Ugh... Stop that, would ya?" Ben moved off of the pile and watched as his boyfriend, Kevin Levin, climbed out of the pile. "Can't a mutant get some sleep around here?" Ben scoffed as he helped the older male out of the pile.

"I told you that I was going out for patrol and that you should tell the kids about the games!" However, something struck through his mind and he asked, letting go of Kevin's arm. "Where are Ken and Devlin?" Kevin, after falling back into the clothes pile, groaned,

"I don't know, I told them to go play when I was trying to take a nap."

They then heard laughter from the roof.

3.. 2.. 1...

"OH MY GOD!! I'm coming guys!!" Ben gave a few turns of the Omnitrix and transformed into the blue and black, winged-alien Big Chill before he flew through the window and towards the roof.

Still in the main room, Kevin yawned, "They'll be fine, and they have their powers...", before trying to find a new place to sleep. Maybe his car...

---

"Now Delirium..." Count D spoke to one of two small children in his pet shop. They were twins: one a boy with black hair and midnight-blue eyes, the other a girl with blonde hair and her mother's mismatched gold and violet eyes. Delirium, the girl who had been playing with one of the pets, looked back at her mother. "You see, me, your father, Demise, and you, will be traveling to a place called Domino City soon for a little event. So, you'll both have to get ready."

Demise, the boy, asked, "Can I take T-chan?" D smiled,

"But of course." However, Delirium whined,

"No fair, you always get T-chan!" Demise retorted,

"You're always too slow! Nya!", before sticking out his tongue at his sister. Then they both began to get into a small fight, the Count sighing,

"Darn your father for going to work today..." A yowl from Delirium rang out through the shop.

_The Captains_

"The hero should call the shots!" America stood up on the table and cheered out his nomination of himself. The semes and the ukes were back in the conference building in their separate rooms. Now they were trying to decide who should have the job of being the captains for each team.

And, of course, amongst the ukes there was a power struggle going on. S. Italy stood and pulled America down before saying, "No one wants you to be the leader, hamburger-bastard. It should be someone with style, grace, and---"

"Moi!" France stated, holding up one of his many roses. There were more than a few groans from the group before Sonic, a male with spiky, medium-length blue hair, blue animal-ears and green eyes, jumped up from his seat and sped to the front of the table and exclaimed,

"I could totally see being team-captain! Pick me! Pick me! Pick me!" Kabuto Yakushi, after pushing up his glasses with one finger, called out,

"Quiet down, you hyper-active spazz! Now then," He gestured towards himself, "I think that _I_ would be the most logical choice for team-captain. Mostly because--"

"Holy crap, un!" Deidara exclaimed, "Kabuto, when did _you_ get here?!" Hidan added,

"Seriously though, you're as fucking unnoticeable as... What's his name? That country... With the Olympics?" A meek voice whined,

"I'm Canada!", a soft voice asking, "Who?" The ukes bickered on and on for at least an hour until Itachi asked,

"Are you guys done talking yet, because you all know that no matter what, I'm going to be team-captain."

The room was silent for all of three seconds before the whining and bitching started again.

---

In the seme room, all was quiet. No one wanted to start anything because they didn't want a complete war to break out over a disagreement of who was going to be the team-captain. Honestly, a tumbleweed even tried rolling in. However, England grabbed it and tossed it towards the uke room, saying, "You belong with that git that I call a son!"

After an hour, Russia stood up and stated, "I think that Kisame should be the team-captain, da?" Said blue-skinned male gasped slightly,

"What?!" But, as they thought about it more...

"He does seem to have his head on his shoulders..." England said.

"Kisame! Kisame!" Zabuza Momochi and Raiga Kurosuki cheered.

"Well... I..." Kisame was a bit unsure but he stood up and exclaimed, "Hell yes! I'm going to be the best team-captain ever!!" The semes all cheered before England called out,

"Bring out the booze!" Kisame replied,

"In a second!" Then the shark pressed a button and a bunch of waitresses walked in pushing carts of alcohol and such.

"Awesomeness!" Prussia cheered before going straight for the beer-keg. As the semes began to enjoy their spoils, Kisame asked Russia.

"So, was there any reason why I was the best choice for team-captain?" The large nation hummed, drinking a bottle of vodka, for a second before answering,

"I just thought it would be a good idea, da?" Kisame smiled, taking a swig from a saké bottle.

"Okay then!" They drank in common company for a while before Kisame spoke up, "We should be friends!" Russia nearly choked on his liquor, the word 'friends' shocking him a bit. But he smiled and held out his hand,

"That is a wonderful idea, da!" The two moved to shake hands. However, when they did, three things happened:

A volcano erupted in Hawaii.

A department-store building in America collapsed.

And, finally, there was a large thud at the window of the seme room. Everyone looked and saw a bird shakily flying away from a bloody crack in the window. "What... just happened?" Ike asked. Upon further inspection, Germany stated,

"It looks like a bird just hit the window..." At that statement, Spain shuddered as he made the sign of the cross over himself,

"Ay, Dios Mio, that is a bad omen!"

It appeared that something was trying to halt the progress of The Games, but the contestants didn't let it bother them. The semes were too busy getting drunk and the ukes were too busy not trying to kill each other.

* * *

**A/N: Sorry about that, folks. I was just trying to finish this chapter ASAP. Sorry is it wasn't that funny. But you guys got to meet some of the OC's! Yay! **

**Oh well, please review. I have to go work on the next chapter... **

**-Tyranno's girl.**


	6. Travels

**A/N: IT'S FINALLY TIME! The Games are about to start! The beginning of this chapter (by the way, has anyone noticed that all of the prep-chapters have been kind of drabble-ish?) is just about some of the contestants traveling to Domino City (the location of the Games) and going to the Stadium. Yay! Okay, now onto the story! **

**Disclaimer- I don't even know how I'm going to afford to buy the Hetalia DVD when it comes out! How am I going to own anything but my ideas?! **

* * *

_Traveling_

"Shadow~!" Sonic whined out to the black and red-haired male with black animal ears and red eyes who was currently steering his motorcycle with the bluenette holding onto him. Shadow growled,

"What is it?!" Sonic whined,

"This is boring~! Why can't we just run to Domino City~?" Shadow groaned. Sonic hated having to ride around in anything, much rather preferring to run to his destination. He himself could say that running was more efficient, he wouldn't have to worry about gas or anything, but for now...

"Because, Sonic... We have to save our energy for the games and--"

"Oh look! Weinerschnitzel! Pull over!" Sonic interrupted when he saw the restaurant. Shadow growled,

"You and your damn chili-dogs** (1)**!" pulling over towards the restaurant.

---

"I told you that we should have just flown from my house..." Russia sighed as he placed his family's suitcases on the conveyor-scanner **(A/N: I forgot what that thing in the airport is called! God, I haven't traveled in **_**so**_** long!)**. America sighed,

"Like I want to risk me and my son's life by getting in one of your rinky-dink excuses of an airplane?" The blonde nation took out a bag of potato chips and began eating before he added, "Besides! I have my own, state-of-the art, private jet!" Suddenly,

"WE HAVE A 4-82! FOREIGN AND POTENTIALLY DEADLY SUBSTANCE!!**(2)**", out of nowhere, a squad of airport security-guards and police appeared from nowhere and tackled America to the ground. As they ripped away the bag of chips and detained the blonde nation, Alexandr commented,

"Along with some of the most paranoid security this side of the eastern-hemisphere."

---

Neji Hyuuga, that fine example of sexiness (ignore that last comment, my friend made me add that), walked into the garage of the Kazekage's Mansion in Sunagakure. He turned on the lights and smirked as his silver eyes landed on the silver luxury sports-car that was there.

"Hello gorgeous..." He sighed as he saw his reflection in the shiny, clean paint-job. "You're going to get us to The Seme-Uke Games, aren't you? Yes, you are!" And then he proceeded to go into a series of baby-talking that would make his daughter cringe. Just then,

"Neji! Is the car ready yet or do you need to burp it too?" The brunette turned and saw an angry-looking red-head and a smaller, less-annoyed looking burgundy-haired girl. Neji chuckled.

"It's fine. Now come on so I can get to driving." Gaara and Saya, the girl, nodded and began getting into the car. However, once they were in, Neji yelled, "NO! You two are tracking sand into my car!!" Gaara gritted out,

"Shut up and drive!"

---

"So, Master Hand..." Link spoke to one of the two giant, gloved hands** (3)** that were floating in the main hall of the Smash Mansion. "Could you just transport us to Domino City?" Link was currently trying to ask for a free trip to the Games for himself, Sheik, Roy, Marth, Ike, and Pit. The right hand hummed for a bit before speaking,

"Well, I suppose it wouldn't be too much trouble. Just give us a few minutes to finish this paper-work and--"

"HA HA! I can do it!!" Crazy Hand, the left, interrupted with a crazy cackle. The mere thought of Crazy Hand helping them with anything sent shivers down everyone's spines.

"No... Please don't." Sheik pleaded quietly. Marth whined,

"The last time Crazy Hand teleported us somewhere, we ended up at the bottom of the Great Sea!" Ike added,

"Or lest we forget when we ended up in Cooking Mama's mixing bowl." The blue mercenary shuddered, "I still have nightmares about the frosting... The frosting..." Pit mused for a bit,

"I don't know... The puppet-universe wasn't that bad..." Everyone stared at the angel in shock laced with horror. Then Link screamed,

"MASTER HAND, HURRY UP WITH THAT DAMN PAPER-WORK!!"

_Opening Ceremonies! Part 1_

"We're finally here!" Itachi sighed in relief as the semes and ukes of the Akatsuki and their kids arrived at the Domino City airport. Filled to the brim with people, the airport was quite full of commotion and noise. However, soon Sasori, Deidara, and Itachi felt that familiar bristling in the air.

"They're here..." Sasori whispered. Deidara gulped,

"Not just 'here', un. _Everywhere_..." Itachi very quietly asked,

"Has anyone seen our ride to the Stadium yet? If we can get out of here quietly and not make a scene...", as Itachi was talking everyone was slowly backing away towards the exit but unfortunately, Deidara tripped on something.

"Ow, un!" He exclaimed. Everyone quieted down and looked about, fear in their eyes. Suddenly,

"I smell blonde pretty-boy!!"

"Over there next to that prince of a red-head!!"

"Oh, by that brunette princess?!"

The Akatsuki members screamed as they ran out of the airport, trailed by an army of rabid fangirls. They all had to run because, you know, there are even fangirls for the burly, tough-looking guys now of days **(A/N: I am guilty of such fangirl-ing)**.

"This is why I fucking hate going out in crowded places!" Hidan cried out as they all looked for their ride. Then, by a stroke of luck by Ra, the anime-god **(4)**, they saw two double-decker buses: One blue and one red. And out of one of the windows of the red bus, Canada popped his head out and called over,

"Over here, eh! Semes in the blue bus, ukes in the red one!" Itachi called out,

"What about the kids?!" Canada asked,

"What kids?!" All at once everyone stopped and looked back to see the kids getting into a bus labeled 'special-guests of The Seme-Uke Games'. Just before he got in, Mizuki called over,

"Unless you want to get trampled to death by those psychopathic fangirls, I would suggest getting into the buses!"

Did it take a genius to figure out that what Mizuki was saying was good advice? I don't think so. "See you guys at the stadium!" Kisame called out as the blue bus began to move. After seeing the blue bus move away, China asked,

"Wait! Why aren't we moving, aru?" The ukes looked at the back of their bus and saw the problem. A crowd of fangirls was clutching onto the vehicle, preventing it from moving.

"This isn't cool, man!" America gulped. Things looked extremely grim until Hidan spoke up,

"Like in a Jashinist ritual, we'll have to make a sacrifice in order to save ourselves from this horrible fate!" Then the albino pointed towards Tobi, "They like cute and moe **(5)** things, right? Let's give them Tobi!" There were cheers of agreement from all before everyone began to push Tobi out of the bus, despite the male's cries. Abruptly,

"Hold it! Hold it! Hold it!" Itachi called out. Everyone stopped their movements in favor of listening to their team-captain. "Are we sure that we should sacrifice Tobi? I mean, Pit's cute. So are Ranmaru, Haku, Canada, China, Naruto, Gaara, both of the Italy brothers, and..." The brunette sighed, "You know what? Go ahead and give them Tobi. It should buy us enough time to get to the stadium." Tobi cried,

"But Itachi! The fangirls are scary!" Itachi sighed,

"You'll be fine, Tobi..." Then he whispered, "Toss him!" The ukes tried pushing the small brunette out of the bus again, but the masked male was putting up quite the fight.

"This is madness~!" Tobi cried out. Just then, America smirked before quoting,

"'Madness?'", then he stood behind Tobi and continued, "'THIS... IS... SPARTA!!'" **(6)**, before giving a powerful kick and finally forcing the boy out of the bus.

"Owie!" Tobi whined before he tried to get up. He instantly regretted it when he saw the wide and happy eyes around him. One of the fangirls looked through a book labeled 'Top Celebrity Yaoi Couples' before she exclaimed,

"It's Tobi Uchiha! He's the cousin of Itachi Uchiha and he's mega-kawaii under that silly mask!" The fangirls began chanting,

"Remove the mask! Remove the mask!" Tobi called out,

"Itachi?" Said brunette replied,

"Don't worry, Tobi! We'll send someone to come back for you!" He then yelled to the driver, "Floor it!" Tobi's cries for help were drowned out by the squeals of burning rubber.

And thus, the first trial of The Games had been passed.

* * *

**A/N: **

**(1) Any old-school Sonic the Hedgehog fan (yours truly) knows that Sonic had a love for chili-dogs. I personally hate the things... **

**(2) This is definitely not the right code for something like this but I do know that America has some of the most paranoid security when it comes to airports. **

**(3) The bosses of Super Smash Bros.! Whoo! Master Hand is awesome, even though his brother is completely psycho. **

**(4) Adult Swim had a show called "Perfect Hair Forever", which was basically a parody hitting all of the stereotypes of anime. And, apparently, the god of all anime is a talking flame with a mustache named Ra, the anime god. I know, it was retarded. **

**(5) Moe is a term used among fangirls, fanboys, yaoi/yuri artists/writers, etc. for a character that is just so cute or has so much appeal that they just floor you with inspiration and ideas (ex: I thought the GermanyxItaly pairing from Hetalia was **_**so**_** moe, that I started trying to write a fic for it.) **

**(6) You know, I know the quote and everything, but I **_**still**_** have yet to see "300". **

**Oh well, you have seen firsthand the horror of the fangirls. Oh, but they'll be back, don't you worry! Ha ha ha ha! **

**Any who, please review if you have the time. Thank you. **

**-Tyranno's girl.**


	7. The Wheels on the Bus

**A/N: Thanks for **_**all**_** the reviews, people. (That 'all' was kind of bittersweet) I'm just kidding. Major props to Sightlines! Yay! Also, I got a review talking about my use of OCs. ... I hardly ever use OCs, would you just go along with it for this fic? Please? I'll be sure to explain each OC before I use them, okay? **

**Phew, now that my venting is over, we can move on chapter-wise! I was kind of inspired by ****Hetalia****'s 'Chibitalia' sections from the anime (Oh my gosh, Hidekazu-sama, make more episodes, please!) and I decided to have a little fun with my OCs for a bit. **

**Explanations for each OC in the chapter. Enjoy! If not, you can go ahead and skip this chapter and head on to the randomness. **

**Disclaimer- I own naught but the ideas that grow in my thought garden (my brain). **

* * *

_A little boy falls from the ceiling and onto the floor. He groans softly before more children and some animals come. They all cheer, "The Seme-Uke Games: Children-Side!"_

---

In the pastel colored bus that was following the seme bus, a bunch of kids were running about and generally being children. Despite the efforts of the woman in front of the bus to calm them down, the bus was rocking on its wheels. Trying his best to act like a responsible adult, Mizuki Hoshigaki (son of Kisame Hoshigaki and Itachi Uchiha, age 5) was doing his best to act like all the other children weren't bothering him. He efficiently dodged a juice-box and a bag of candy that was flung his way and just sighed.

In another area of the bus, Alexandr Braginski (son of Russia and America, age 5) was currently talking to his cousin Ethan Beilschmidt (son of Prussia and Canada, age 4). For a while, Alexandr simply stare at the slightly younger boy and his pet thunder-bird. It lasted until Ethan pushed up his glasses, gulped and murmured, "Yes Alexandr?" The other boy shook his platinum-blonde hair and spoke, face showing no emotion,

"You're not supposed to say the names our your superiors, remember?" Alexandr hummed before adding, "Maybe Boris should teach that fact to your friend there."

"Non! Nein! You leave Donner alone!" Ethan ran away in tears, trying to find shelter from his scary cousin. On his way, he passed a girl with curly blonde hair talking to an albino girl with pig-tails and a girl with green skin and hair.

"Ve..." The blonde girl, Isabella (daughter of Germany and N. Italy, age 5), began, "So what are your favorite foods?" Kira, the albino girl (youngest of Kakuzu and Hidan's triplets, all aged 5), hummed before stating,

"I like cherries... But I also like any food that's red!" They all giggled before Ongakuhana, the green-skinned girl (daughter to Zetsu and Tobi Uchiha, age 5) smiled and said,

"I like birds." Isabella giggled before asking,

"Um... You mean like chicken?" Ongakuhana hummed before replying,

"Those are good too, but I mean things like black-birds, parrots, doves..."

In another area of the bus, two brunette boys with stitches on their face and green eyes were talking to each other. "I think she's pretty." Kiro (eldest of Kakuzu and Hidan's triplets) mused looking at the woman in front who was still trying to keep everyone in line. Kire (the middle-child of Kakuzu and Hidan's triplets) laughed and spoke up,

"Like you could get near her." Kiro raised an eyebrow before smirking, looking all-too much like his father, and speaking,

"I'd like to take a piece of that wager." The two agreed to a certain sum of money before shaking hands. Then Kiro went on the prowl. He stealthily snuck up behind the woman standing at the front of the bus. Just as she was about to say something about everyone sitting down, Kiro lifted up the back of her frilly, pink dress. The blonde woman yelped in shock, a rose blush growing on her face. Kiro simply looked before calling over to his brother, "I told you they'd be bloomers. You owe me ten bucks."

"THAT'S IT!!" The woman yelled. "Everyone get to a seat this instant!!!" Surprisingly, all the kids followed the instructions. Once they were all settled, the woman (Princess Peach) smoothed out her dress before taking out a paper and saying, "Now, I have to take attendance to show that you're all here." She read the paper and spoke up, "Alexandr Braginski?"

"Da?" The emotionless boy replied from his seat.

"Ethan Beilschmidt?" The timid boy, trying to avoid his cousin at all costs, spoke up from behind a chair,

"H-here…"

"Delirium and Demise Orcot?" At once, a small boy, wearing a purple kimono, with short black hair spoke up and exclaimed,

"Why did you say her name first? I'm older!" The girl next to him, also in a purple kimono, but with longer blonde hair laughed and replied,

"Ugh… We're twins! We're the same age!" As the two small ones began to argue, Peach sighed,

"They're only five and they argue this much? I don't envy Leon and Count D at all…" The blonde woman read the paper again before speaking up, "Isabella? Isabella Beilschmidt?" The curly blonde girl waved her hand excitedly. "Okay, okay sweetie… Now, how about the triplets? Kiro?" The small, stitched brunette raised his hand as he was being paid by his brother. "Hm… Kire?" The brunette paying Kiro raised his hand after putting his wallet away. "And Kira?" The albino girl called over,

"Here! Right here next to Ongakuhana-chan!" Both girls hugged each other and giggled. Peach smiled and checked them off before calling,

"Ken? Devlin?" A two year-old boy that bore an _amazing_ resemblance to one Ben Tennyson and a 5 ½ year-old who looked like a teeny Kevin Levin only with dark brown hair looked up.

"S'up?" Devlin replied. Peach sighed and checked their names off of the list.

"Saso? Saso, you're here right?" The four year-old with blonde, blue-tinged hair sighed from his seat,

"If I wasn't, would I be sitting right here?" Peach huffed before calling out one last name,

"Hun?" A six year-old boy with mixed hair (orange, black, silver) and black dog ears jumped in front of Peach and barked out,

"Here and accounted for, heh heh!" Peach looked at Hun for a minute before cooing and rubbing at his ears.

"So _cute!_ Who's child are you, huh?" Hun laughed and replied,

"I have no idea! Mizuki took me in!" Peach frowned and gulped.

"I knew that I forgot someone…" She called out, "Mizuki Hoshigaki?" The calm boy at the front of the bus gave a flip of his blue and black hair before stating,

"I wouldn't have expected less from someone who somehow gets kidnapped every other month." Peach blushed and yelled back,

"Bowser is very sneaky!", but she soon calmed down and said, "I mean… Well…" Looking at the paper she whispered along the lines of, "Why did I agree to this? Link owes me big time. What was I supposed to do after roll? Oh!" She brought out a poster and held it up. When all the kids eyes were on it, she announced, "You all get to choose the mascots for the games! Isn't that exciting?" The kids looked at the poster for another minute before Isabella called out,

"Doggies!" Soon, all the kids were talking about the two potential mascots on one side of the poster and Peach smiled,

"I guess that's settled. Now we can enjoy the rest of the-yipe!" She yelped when she felt her dress being lifted up again. Kiro looked and observed,

"Pink bloomers? I guess they _do_ go with your dress."

"SIT DOWN!!!" Near Isabella, Kira, and Ongakuhana, Saya Hyuuga (daughter of Neji Hyuuga and Gaara Sabaku, age 4) sighed,

"She forgot about me..."

* * *

**A/N: Heh heh… Um… Just go ahead and move onto the next chapter. Review if it wasn't too stupid. **

**-Tyranno's girl.**


	8. Mascots!

_Mascots! Michael and Sasha!_

"Hey! This bus has a TV!" Kisame called out. He and a few of the other semes were looking around at their mode of transportation when Kisame had found said TV. He looked at it, turned it on and called over to Kakuzu, "Why doesn't the Akatsuki limo have a TV? Huh?" The stitched-up brunette sighed out,

"Because that would be a waste of money and--- Go back to CNN." Kakuzu had looked up just in time to see the shark flipping past the news channel. Kakuzu scoffed before grabbing at the remote, causing a bit of a tug-of-war. "Give me the remote!"

"No! No one wants to watch boring CNN, we can do that at home!" Both males fought over the device for a while longer before they fell to the floor in a fighting heap. "Give that back! Ow! Hey, watch the threads!!" While they fought, Russia walked over and picked up the remote before flipping to a channel that was showing a scary movie. When someone in the movie screamed, Kisame and Kakuzu stopped fighting and looked up. The bluenette cheered, "'Hostel'? Awesome!"

"'Hostel 2'." Kevin Levin corrected as a few of the semes began to group around the TV. "It's at the part where the one chick gets her throat..." There was a splatter from the screen. The semes cheered,

"Awesome!" Zane Truesdale merely shook his head and Shadow spoke up,

"I thought we were going to compete in some tournament thing?" As if on cue, the TV blanked out and turned back on. Only know it was showing a blue screen that had a scrolling marquee, reading, "'Seme-Uke Games: Team Seme'". The rest of the screen was like a DVD menu. As the semes looked at it, England asked,

"Maybe we should click something?" The semes all agreed... Yet no one wanted to actually get the remote from Russia.

* * *

"N. Italy! S. Italy! Greece! Wake up!" Itachi yelled at the three sleeping nations. In the uke bus, after so bravely fending off the evil fangirls, Itachi was trying to get everyone in order. But between people sleeping, people cursing out other people, and preventing the occaisional fight, Itachi was simply about to give up.

Naruto ignored Itachi's order and called out, "Look! TV!" He picked up a remote, hoping to turn to some cartoons, but instead found the TV having a red screen and a scrolling marquee that read, "'Seme-Uke Games: Team Uke'". "Aw..." Naruto whined before calling over to Itachi. "The TV's broken!"

"Let me see that." Ben Tennyson said grabbing the remote and looking at the TV. "It looks like a menu or something." Itachi rushed over and picked up the remote, saying,

"If anyone's doing anything right now, it's going to be me." The raven then began to look at the options on the screen before clicking on one that said, "Intro to the Games." After a minute-long loading screen, the screen turned red again before a red and white Siberian Husky jumped up and barked.

"Oh... How cute!" Count D cooed from his seat. The dog then spoke,

"Good morning/afternoon/or evening! Whatever time you decided to press this button! My name is Sasha the Siberian Husky and I'm the mascot for Team Uke of the Seme-Uke Games! It's a pleasure to meet you all!" The dog ended in a bit of a bow. Most of the ukes were cooing over how cute the dog was, but Hidan yelled,

"When the hell was this decided?!"

"About five minutes ago! By your kids!" Sasha replied. "Now shut up and let me continue!" Hidan rose an eyebrow. Did that fake mutt just tell him to shut up? "Anyway... Now for a little background. You see..."

* * *

"The wonderful city we are in right now," Michael the Malamute **(1)**, mascot for Team Seme, spoke, "Is known as Domino City. It's a prosperous city filled with hustling, bustling people and various events. And also..." Suddenly, the screen started to fast-forward.

"Hey!" Kisame whined.

"We were watching that, Da ze!" Korea added. Zane ignored them and kept his fingers on the fast-forward button, saying,

"Why do I need a dog to tell me stuff that I already know?" However, Leon Orcot picked up the remote and pressed play. Michael growled before stating,

"Please don't do that again. If you want me to skip forward _so_ badly, just say so!"

"Then can we get some information about the games?" Ike asked. Michael nodded and spoke up,

"The Seme-Uke Games will be taking place, majorily, at the Obelisk Avenue Grand Stadium. It's called the 'Crown' by locals becuase, well," Michael walked to the side before a picture of a beautiful, golden and silver stadium appeared, and it was actually kind of shaped like a crown. "You can see the reason. But anywho..."

* * *

"Since one stadium can't hold the area and equipment we need for each game and event, there will be times when we eill have to travel out of the area." Sasha stated, showing various pictures of different aspects of the stadium. "Now, for your quarters."

"You mean like money?" America asked. Sasha growled, his hair bristling,

"No, you idiot! Where you'll be staying for the duration of the games!!" The dog took a few breaths before speaking, "The semes and the ukes will be staying in seperate residences..." At the same time, the ukes could have sworn that they heard an exclamation of 'WHAT!?!' from a while's ahead of them. "The uke residence is called Uke Manor." Sasha brought up a picture of a large, gorgeous town-home.

"Trés belle... As something made for a group of beuatiful people such as us," France cut his statement short in order to pull out one of his roses, "Should be. Oui?" Sasha rolled his eyes and added,

"The competitors may visit each other, as the semes will be staying in Seme Estate, so nothing to worry about. Hm... I wonder if I'm forgetting anything..."

* * *

"Are there any uniforms or anything we have to wear?" Germany asked. Michael barked,

"As a matter of fact, yes! There are!" Some of the other semes groaned at that. "The uniforms, as well as your luggage, are currently being delivered to both Seme Estate and Uke Manor, so you can see them when you get there."

"And when will that be?" Sasori asked the blue and white dog. Michael hummed before replying,

"After you get to visit the Stadium of course! We have to prepare for the Opening Ceremony!" And with that, Michael bolted away and the TV turned back to the horror movie.

"**O...**kay?" Both sides of Zetsu stated. Just then, a voice chimed,

_"Welcome to the Obelisk Avenue Grand Stadium! Location of the Seme-Uke Games!"_

_Opening Ceremony! Part 2_

"Oh... Thank the goddesses that that's over~!" Link groaned as he stretched out his aching limbs. The semes were currently making their way to what would be their residence during the games. After the, quote, 'rehearsal for the Opening Ceremonies', everyone was exhausted.

Why? Well...

_"All you have to do is walk through this door." The event-coordinator stated to Team Uke. Pit asked, _

_"Can we fly through the door?" The coordinator sighed, _

_"No. Just walk." _

_"Can we run through the door?" Sonic asked. _

_"No! Just walk!" America walked up and asked, _

_"Which door do we walk through again?" The coordinator nearly choked on air but replied, rubbing her temples, _

_"The red door, America." The blonde nation frowned, _

_"Really? But I like the blue door better! It has a snack-stand by it!" As everyone looked in the direction of the blue door, the old man running the snack-stand waved, _

_"Hello." However, the coordinator groaned and said, _

_"No, America, that's the door that the semes are entering through!" Both America and Naruto whined, _

_"But why~?" _

_"Agh!!" The coordinator screamed before downing a handful of Advil. _

_--- _

_"Okay everyone! Walk! Walk! Walk!" Another coordinator (the first one had to go home after trying to kill America with a chair) instructed everyone on how the should walk and sit down on the long tables in front of the main hall. It was all going so well until Iruka... um... let's say, tripped on a bug. _

_"Ah! Hating this!__**(2)**__" The dolphin tripped and fell, causing a chain reaction of painful falls all the way to the seme side. In a matter of minutes, everyone was on the ground groaning in pain from the painful domino-effect. _

_--- _

_"Now, once you have all sat down," The coordinator began as everyone took a seat. "Kisame will say something to the crowd, then Itachi will say something to the crowd. Then we'll reveal the secret guest-judges!" Someone raised a hand. "Mrm... Yes, N. Italy?" The happy Italian asked, _

_"Ve... Who are the judges?" The coordinator groaned. _

_"It's a secret, Feliciano..." _

_"Oh..." The male hummed for a bit. Yet, after a moment he asked, "So when are they going to get here?" _

_"IT'S A SURPRISE, DAMN IT!!" _

_--- _

_"After the judges arrive," Yet another coordinator had come (the last one nearly had a breakdown) and was explaining more aspects of the Opening Ceremonies, "The performances will start, so expect to sit down for a while." Another hand went up. "Yes Prussia?" _

_"Will there be booze? Cause that's the only reason why I would stay still for God knows how long!" The coordinator had heard of the reputations most of the competitors had when it came to alcohol so she didn't want to answer. But as the man's red eyes stared at her for a while, she relented, _

_"They're so shiny!! Yes, we'll have drinks!" The semes all cheered. _

But now, the semes had been taken to a large, blue town-home and when they walked in, there were awes and whistles all around.

"This is actually quite nice." Germany commented grabbing his luggage when he found it.

"Pretty fucking sweet..." Stan Marsh stated, getting a nod from his friend Damien.

A while later, after the house had been observed and rooms chosen, Kisame asked his new friend, "So, what should we do now, Russia?" The large nation thought for a bit before smiling and holding up a bottle of vodka.

"A few drinks with dinner?" He asked. Everyone cheered and Kakashi stated,

"And I'll go put in one of my DVDs." Sasuke pumped a fist into the air,

"Yes! Kakashi brought some of his 'special' movies..."

The semes were going to have fun...

---

"Wow..." The ukes sighed as they looked around their red town-home.

"It's gorgeous, un..." Deidara smiled, immediately choosing the room that was right by the bathroom for his own. After the ukes were done choosing and dividing themselves among the rooms, Sheik asked,

"So, should we be getting to bed? We have a full evening tomorrow." The ukes all looked at each other before N. Italy cheered,

"Ve... Slumber Party!!" The ukes all cheered, some of the jumping on the heels. America exclaimed,

"I'll get the ice cream and the gossip magazines!", before running to the kitchen. Itachi opened his suitcase and brought out his pampering kit before saying,

"I'll be giving out manicures!"

The ukes were ready to have fun too...

* * *

**A/N: **

**(1) A Malamute is a breed of dog. Basically, it's a bigger and more wolf-like version of a husky. **

**(2) "Fairly OddParents" used to be, and still kind of is, one of my favorite American cartoons. This incident is from the 'Timmy the Barbarian' episode where Cosmo kept tripping over bugs and hurting himself. **

**Note much to say for this chapter. But I hope people liked it. Please review! **

**-Tyranno's girl.**


	9. Mail time

**A/N: I'm not going to write the Opening Ceremony until next week, heh heh. So this is just filler. But it's tasty filler! Not lemony or anything (unfortunately) but it has some comedy. I hope… **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but my ideas. **

* * *

The morning after the celebrations of both teams, if you had gone to either house, you would have found very interesting things.

_Seme Estate_

A poor mailman had the task of delivering mail to both houses. First he went to Seme Estate, immediately regretting the decision as he saw that half of the lawn was scorched (quickly growing back, but still suffering). He also passed a thrown out chair, seeing the broken window that it was probably thrown out of.

Just when he thought he was about to make it to the door, the poor mailman slipped on a liquid on the floor and fell straight onto his back. As he felt the liquid seeping through his clothes, the only thought he had was _"Don't be what I think it is..."_ He got to his feet and moved to the door. Trying to ignore the cracks in the wood, he rang the doorbell.

There was no answer...

He rang it again and again until he finally heard groaning. "Someone go answer the door..."

"Doorbells were not invented in Korea, Da ze..."

"Oh, for the love of..." The door swung open and who should have answered it but England. Only right now the blonde had a tie tied round his head and was wearing only a black apron around his waist. His face was still a bit red from drinking but he was able to get out, "What the bloody hell do you want?" The mailman nervously held out a bag of mail and, after England took it, proceeded to run _far_ away from that house.

The gentlemanly nation raised a bushy eyebrow, asking, "What's his problem?" But then he shrugged his shoulders and went back inside. Inside, all the semes where laying about either passed out or just too tired to stand. England walked to a recliner and after pushing Roy off, he sat down and began digging through the mail. "Let's see... what we have..." England had unconsciously drifted his eyes up and saw an amusing sight.

Kisame and Russia had fallen asleep, drunk, on the couch. Both powerful males were sleeping in a sitting position, each propped up against the other. Both males looked so endearing that England couldn't help it. He took out a cell-phone and snapped a couple of pictures before returning to the mail. "Mail-call! Wake up, ya lazy wankers!!" At the sound of England's voice, there were more groans but now there were the distinct noises of movement. When Link walked into the main room, getting his hat back from Korea (who had insisted that it originated in his country), England held up a letter written on black and blue paper. "For you." Link took the letter, groaning when he saw it was from his latest adventure partner, Midna.

"I'm about to be cursed out..." He hissed as a headache was forming just from the thought. England pulled out a few magazines before another letter.

"Kevin! You have something from someone named Gwen!" The black haired male groaned as he pulled himself away from the table that he, Sasuke, and Leon had fallen asleep at. Taking the letter, he asked,

"What could she want now?"

As he went on, England had handed out letters to Link, Kevin, Kisame, Russia, Spain (it was mostly love letters), Prussia, Germany, and Professor Oak. The rest was fan-mail and _no one _had the patience or energy to deal with that right now. So the nation tossed the bag to the side.

"Haven't partied like that since my college days." The Pokémon professor yawned as he ripped open the letter. It was from Gary, his grandson. "Let's see here:

'Gramps,

What the heck are you doing in something like the Seme-Uke Games. You're like, 50 years old! I just don't want you getting hurt, okay?! I'll be coming to Domino City to watch you though, just because I want to see what the heck they're going to try and have you do. So don't get hurt!

Your grandson,

Gary Oak.'"

Professor Oak smiled softly before stuffing the letter back into the envelope. "That worry-wart that I call a grandson..." Link gulped, taking a few pain-killers (Thank you, Dr. Mario...), before opening the letter.

"Oh boy...

'Hey fuzz-butt!

Why didn't you tell me that you got invited to another competition? Huh?! You are such a simpleton, even when you don't have paws and a tail! Ha! But yeah, I'll be traveling to this Domino place with Zelda and Impa so I can see you fall flat on your face! Ha ha! I'm still mad at you, but I'll cheer for whatever team you're on. Don't die~!

Your superior,

Midna, Princess of the Twilight'"

Link groaned, "Why do the goddesses hate me?" Prussia and Germany had soon figured out that they had basically gotten the same letter from Austria. The proper nation had written,

"'Dear Prussia/Germany,

I have heard about this competition that you are in and I must say that I am quite disappointed in you two for participating in such a money-wasting event. Also... (**A/N: Let's just read the rest of the letter in Gilbert-vision, hm?**) Blah blah blah! Blah blah blah blah blah! Blah blah blah-- Hungary wants to come and see you guys-- Blah blah blah! Blah blah blah blah-- We will be there at the Opening Ceremony, so don't embarrass us!-- Blah! Blaba-blah!

Your superior,

Austria (Roderich)

Germany groaned as he went to put his letter away, Gilbert simply used the stove to burn his. Russia gulped slightly as he saw who his letter was from.

"B... Belarus..." He gulped again and read,

'BIG BROTHER!!!

How could you go off to some unknown location with that America faggot?! We're supposed to get MARRIED, MARRIED, MARRIED!!! I can't-- Nay! I won't stand for this! But Ukraine says that as long as I don't kill anyone, we can come and watch you participate in these _silly_ games. I shall cheer my heart out in a show of my never-ending love for you, Big Brother. And maybe after this is over with, we can work on our wedding.

Waiting for you with open arms,

Belarus (Natalia)'"

Russia trembled slightly. Belarus? Here?! "Nyet~!" He groaned, shoving his face into his hands from the on-coming despair. Kisame patted the nation on the shoulder, saying,

"It will be okay." His own letter was just from people at the Kirigakuran Political Office about some papers he didn't finish before leaving. Kevin opened his letter and read,

"'Kevin!!

You'd better not hurt my cousin or else I'll make it so that you'll be breathing through a tube!!

Keeping an eye on you,

Gwen Tennyson'"

"Psycho alien-chick..." Kevin mumbled before laying his head down on the table. Letters passed around, England proceeded to sleep off his hang-over before the Opening Ceremony. Just before he drifted off, Raga rushed through the main room towards the bathroom, yelling,

"Bathroom!" After he slammed the door, everyone was treated to the wonderful music of the 'porcelain bowl' variety.

_Uke Manor_

"Why, thank you so very much!" Pip Pirrup said to the mailman as he left the bag of mail. The British boy had even been so kind as to treat him to breakfast. When the mailman left, Pip took the bag and walked to the large table where everyone was having breakfast. "Good morning all! It seems as though we have a few letters from our loved ones. The blonde handed letters to N. Italy, Ben (mostly Gwen letting him know that if Kevin hurt him, he had better let her know), Sheik, Itachi and Deidara had received mountains of fan-mail from the fangirls and…

Come to think of it, that's what most of the mail was: fan-mail.

"Ve… Hungary sent me a letter! Ya-hoo!" Feliciano cheered as he opened the letter and began to read,

"'Dear Italy,

I've heard about the Seme-Uke Games and I'm so excited for you guys! Me and Austria will be coming to cheer you on and I hope you have fun.

Hope to see you soon,

Hungary (Elizaveta)

"Yay!" The small Italian cheered before continuing to eat his breakfast. Sheik had stopped cooking (how he got the job of cooking breakfast, I have no idea…) so he could read his letter. It was from Zelda and it read:

"'Dear Sheik,

Hello, it's me Zelda. I'm mostly writing to see how you are doing. Well, that and Impa wanted me to ask if you needed anything. I don't want to write too much, seeing as how I'll be seeing you at the Opening Ceremonies. So, good luck!

Her Majesty,

Princess Zelda of Hyrule'"

Sheik put the letter into his pocket and went back to cooking, calling out, "Who wanted their eggs 'sunny-side down' again?" As the ukes were relaxing, eating and preparing for the up-coming night. The kitchen door swung open. And who should walk in but…

"Tobi! You're alive!!" Itachi called over in joy but not getting up from his chair. The small brunette was twitching slightly and wore a pink dress with ribbons in his hair and make-up on his face. He silently walked over to Itachi and after staring at his cousin for a moment, yelled,

"DON'T EVER ASK TOBI TO DO YOU A FAVOR AGAIN!!!" Everyone was shocked at the normally happy boy's outburst. It was quiet for a few moments before Itachi asked,

"Can you go get me that bag of fan-mail?" Tobi smiled and chimed,

"Okay!" Before bouncing off.

….

"HEY, WAIT A MINUTE!!!"

* * *

**A/N: Yeah! The semes got plastered! But besides that… **

**Da da da da! The next chapter will be the Opening Ceremonies. I am so excited! Woot! But, um, there's something that I have to ask. **

**I pretty much have a good idea of what games and events that the teams will be playing, but I could always take suggestions. Please? And people may wonder why I put up three chapters this week instead of my normal two. … I just felt like it. Next week will be two chapters again but I just felt like going over this week for some strange reason. **

**I hope that these chapters weren't too horrible. Please review and give me some feed-back! **

**-Tyranno's girl.**


	10. The Opening Ceremonies

**A/N: Yay! It's here, it's here! The Opening Ceremonies are here! Let's watch (read, whatever...) **

**Also- **

_**To **__**Xa girl and her little worldX**__** -**_** Thank you for the idea! *Bows* I probably won't use it for the first game, but it will come up soon. So stay tuned, Nya! **

**One more thing- For the songs used in the Opening Ceremonies. They are: **

**World Is Mine (It's a Vocaloid song, so you can just type in 'World is Mine, Vocaloid' on YouTube and you'll probably find it.) **

**Audi Famam… (The main theme song from Super Smash Bros Brawl) **

**The Ultimate Yaoi Fangirl Song (Yeah… It's explained in the notes…)**

**Disclaimer- I don't own anything but my ideas, people...**

* * *

Later on in the evening, the time had finally come for the Opening Ceremonies of the Seme-Uke Games. Right now, however, guests and spectators were busy trying to find seats. In one section, four Princesses were just sitting down and conversing as they did. They were Princess Peach of the Mushroom Kingdom, Princess Daisy of Sarosaland, Princess Zelda of Hyrule, and Midna, Princess of Twilight. Midna yawned loudly and poked Zelda, saying,

"Hey, when is Impa coming back with our food? Huh? Zelda~..." The brunette princess sighed and replied,

"She'll be back soon, Midna..." Midna kept poking her, saying,

"I sure hope so... Anyway, how has the dating been going? Huh, Zelly?"

"How many times have I told you, don't call me that!!" Peach and Daisy simply sighed before Peach asked the auburn-haired woman,

"When did Mario and Luigi say they would be back?" Daisy sighed,

"Truth be told, I forgot..."

Both Princesses sighed again.

In another area, the personifications of Japan, Taiwan, and Hong Kong sat down. It was a while of silence before Taiwan spoke up, the woman looking obviously worried, "Who should we root for? I mean, China's our father but Korea's our brother. I'm so confused! And all this confusion is making me worried!" Hong Kong silently patted his sister's shoulder, face... not really portraying any emotion. Japan spoke,

"I'm sure either one will understand no matter who we root for. It will be alright, Taiwan-chan." The woman wiped at her eyes before smiling at Japan.

"You always know how to make me feel better." Japan blushed and smiled lightly, not at all noticing the look of evil Hong Kong was passing his way.

Sitting in arena-side seats, Sakura Haruno and Ino Yamanaka were holding each other's hands and sobbing, "Why couldn't Sasuke-kun be straight~? We would have made such beautiful babies together~!" As the two girls were sobbing, their boyfriends (Rock Lee and Chouji Akimichi) frowned and asked,

"Um, what are we? Chopped liver?"

In a mere few hours, the seats were all filled. Now just came waiting for the event to start. Which seemed like it was going to take forever! An hour later, everyone was getting antsy.

"What are they doing?" Gwen Tennyson sighed exasperatedly as she looked at her watch. "Kevin usually can't ever keep time in a normal situation, is he holding _this_ up too?" Grandpa Max patted her shoulder and said,

"I'm sure that it's just a few last minute rehearsals, Gwen. It's going to be fine." Gwen huffed.

"It better be..." She clenched one of her hands into a fist, a pink energy surrounding it.

A few minutes later, the lights finally dimmed, a single spot-light showing on a staircase in the center of the arena. There were some cheers from the audience, happy that things were finally getting underway. When everything quieted down, the light changed to blue. Then, a young man with short white hair, wearing a business-casual outfit walked to the base of the staircase. While some of the fangirls in the audience screamed, "DELL!! We love you, Dell!", He took out and lit up a cigarette before inhaling smoothly. After exhaling a smooth stream of smoke, he adjusted the headset on his head and walked up, singing,

_'A seme... Is _

_Selfless, kind, protecting prince...__**(1)**__'_

Dell Honne stopped when he got to the top of the staircase and took another drag off of his cigarette. A minute later, the spot-light changed to red and another young man walked to the bottom of the staircase. He wore glasses, business-casual clothes (only his were pink and black), and his long, pink hair was in a pony-tail that ended in a large, spiraling curl. He adjusted his glasses and his own headset before walking up and singing,

_'But ukes... Are _

_Epitomes of beauty and grace...'_

When Ted Kasane stood next to Dell**(2)**, both vocaloids smirked at each other before singing together,

_'But now... we've come to decide _

_Which side... Is... Really~'_ A drum-beat before they looked to the audience and concluded. _'Number one!'_ A band began playing the music that went with the lyrics and both of the performers danced along with it. When the music started, the blue and red doors opened. Through the blue door, the members of Team Seme walked in and through the red door, the members of Team Uke walked in. They stood where they were for a moment, some team-members waving to loved ones in the audience before they began walking towards the center of the arena, as practiced. Dell sang out,

_'Number One: _

_We comment you every day, _

_Whether you look good or not! Remember?'_ Ted scoffed,

_'But Number Two: _

_We make sure that you don't _

_make dumbasses of yourselves!'_ Dell replied,

_'Number Three: _

_No matter what you do or what you say, _

_we make sure to say that we love you every day!'_

_'You seem not to understand...'_ Ted sang out, walking away from Dell, _'That an uke's law overturns any seme's hand!'_ Dell laughed,

_'Ha! But don't you _

_Think that might be more than a little bit selfish?'_ Ted smiled,

_'But sweetheart, _

_You know that you don't really care as long as I'm happy!'_ Dell smiled,

_'That is true. Because we all know that _

_a pissed-off uke is hell on earth!'_ Dell jumped to the side,

_'Semes... Are _

_The most patient guys in the world!'_ Ted followed,

_'But you guys throw more _

_temper-tantrums than we do!'_

_'Hey! I _

_Thought ukes were to be honest?'_ Dell laughed. Ted fumed and retorted,

_'Just see if you get _any_ from me tonight!'_ Dell's face fell,

_'You are kidding, right?'_ Ted smirked and took a few steps away, singing,

_'Hmph. _

_I don't know...'_ Dell screamed,

_'What~?!'_

_'When ukes make mistakes, _

_they're just adorable little flaws? _

_Aren't they?'_ Ted chuckled. Dell huffed,

_'That's true when you guys are the ones _

_acting stupid.'_ Ted flinched,

_'You're really pushing your_

_luck, aren't you?'_ Dell gulped,

_'Wait, don't be like that! _

_I'll buy you some sweet-bread when we get home!'_ Ted jumped in joy,

_'I love sweets and cute things, you know!'_

_'Simple ways to please... _

_Short-attention spans can work for me!'_ Dell smirked. Ted blushed and sang,

_'Dell, if you don't stop _

_I'm gonna kick your ass!'_ Dell just continued,

_'Ukes~ Are _

_The most adorable princesses!'_ Ted added,

_'Semes~ Are so dumb, _

_they would get lost using a GPS!'_ Dell frowned,

_'What the hell?! _

_I'm commenting you and you go insult me?!'_ Ted added,

_'You'll be more insulted than that _

_when Team Uke wins~!'_ At the word 'wins', Ted held the most beautiful note as the members of both teams sat down at the long table in front of the arena. When Ted stopped, Dell added,

_'Ted-chan~ Tell me please, _

_what is... It... That you're on?' _

_'Dell, screw you!' _

_'Ted? Wait, Baby!' _

_'Aaaa~ahh-aaahhh~!'_ The two performers ended on a high note before kissing each other. When the two performers kissed, there were red and blue fireworks put into ignition behind them. When the music was done, the audience arose in cheers and applause (fangirls screaming in joy at the kiss). Dell and Ted walked down, waving to the audience. When all the commotion was done, Kisame was handed a mic. After getting the okay, Kisame smiled and began,

"Good evening everyone! My name is Kisame Hoshigaki and I'm the Captain of Team Seme. Guys, say hello." All the semes stood and waved, getting cheers. All of a sudden, there were two screams. One of,

"Belarus, NO!", the other of,

"BIG BROTHER!!" Russia paled and proceeded to hide underneath the table, muttering something about,

"If I don't see it, it is not there... If I don't see it, it is not there..." As the nation of Belarus charged towards the podium, Dawn (one of the event-coordinators) looked at the scene with frightened blue eyes and yelled into her walkie-talkie,

"We have a Class 10! I repeat-- A Class 10! Zoey, release the trap!" Nodding, a girl with spiky orange hair pressed a button. Instantly, Belarus was wrapped up in a very complex rope-trap. The woman screamed,

"NO! We have to get married! MARRIED, MARRIED, MARRIED!!!" As the guards carried Belarus away, Kisame held the mic away from his face and whispered underneath the table,

"She's gone, you can come back out now Russia." The large nation slowly returned from his hiding place, looking around warily. Kisame sighed and continued,

"I want to thank all of you for coming out here tonight. Also, I want to thank those of you who are cheering for my team. It really gets me..." At that Kisame sniffled a bit before gesturing to his heart and adding, "Right here." There were some 'aw's from the audience. Kabuto gritted his teeth and whispered to Itachi,

"Damn! They're playing the 'gentle-giant' card early!" Itachi nodded, already figuring out what he was going to do. After a few more words, Kisame stated,

"Now then, I'll hand off the mic to my beautiful wife Itachi." There were cheers as Itachi stood and took the mic. He brushed some of his hair from his face, the small action border-lining erotic, before stating and looking at the audience with the most seductive-while-not-trying-to-be look,

"Thank you, Kisame. Good evening all of you, I..." **(**_**Ding!**_** Disclaimer- Tyranno's girl Productions is extremely lazy, well, that and she's kind of tired while she's writing this, so we'll just skip Itachi's speech to the crowd. Thank you. Itachi- WHAT THE HELL?!)** "Thank you again and I hope you enjoy the events."

When Itachi sat down, there were more cheers. Afterwards, Zoey walked up to the stage and spoke into a mic, "Thanks a lot you guys. But now, we have to present our judges!" After some of the cheers went down, Zoey**(3)** continued, "Our first judge is going to make things a little hotter in here, so watch out. No one better mess with her or else you'll find yourself on the wrong end of her boots. Her hair gives a new definition to 'strong hair' and her voice is like a British angel from hell, welcome... Bayonetta**(4)**!!" With a flourish of dance music, the curtains parted to reveal the woman (witch) smirked as she walked in, black high heels clicking with each movement.

As almost every guy in the audience (straight and otherwise) looked at the woman with wide eyes and gaping expressions, the ukes weren't really impressed. Granted, her clothes looked awesome. "You don't have to dress like that just to make a statement, right Kisame? Kisame?" Itachi asked but when he turned, he saw Kisame (as well as every other seme) looking at the woman, transfixed in every movement.

3...2...1...

"DAAAAMMMM!!!**(5)**" All the semes commented as the woman sat down. Matthew lifted Gilbert's jaw back to his mouth and stated, very calmly,

"Keep your mouth off the table, Gilbert. All your drool is making the table-cloth filthy." As the woman waved to the audience, England asked one of the event-coordinators,

"How the hell did you guys manage to get Bayonetta to be a judge for this thing?"

"Oh, well, we had a very proper and sophisticated list of requirements and paperwork that we had to go through." She smiled back.

---

_One day at a bar in the exact halfway point between heaven and hell... _

_"Hey! Chesty McRack Boob__**(6)**__!! You want to be one of our celebrity judges?!" _

---

"Mm-hm! That's what we did!"

"That must have been _so_ hard..."

"It really was." Zoey then spoke up,

"Now presenting our next judge! Some of our audience may recognize this next individual from the hit J-Rock band, Bad Luck and..." The announcer had to stop when there was a roar of screams and squeals from the audience. "And he's just so excited to be here! In fact, I think he had like five nose-bleeds back-stage... Any who, presenting..." The curtain opened, "Shuichi Shindou**(7)**!!" As the young, pink-haired male walked from the stage to the judges table, he waved and blew kisses to the audience (causing the occasional fan-girl to pass out in sheer joy). Once he got there he stood next to Bayonetta and waved a few times until he saw someone in the audience.

The male beamed and yelled, "Hiro! Yuki!! YUKI!!!" In the audience, the long-haired guitarist of Bad Luck, Hiroshi Nakano, and the blonde romance-novelist/ Shuichi's lover, Eiri Yuki, were sitting down and trying to stay away from the attention of the embarrassing male. "YUKI!!! YUKI, I LOVE YOU!!!" Yuki sighed,

"That idiot. The Games haven't even started and he's making a fool of himself." Hiro chuckled,

"But it's because he loves you _so_ much..."

"Shut up."

Meanwhile, the announcer had to ring a buzzer before they spoke again, "Okay, calm down everyone... Our final judge is one of the friendliest countries that you could ever go to! He makes a trip around the world once a year to deliver presents to all you good little boys and girls and he's come to share some of his joy and happiness with us!" The announcer turned and stated, "Please welcome, Finland **(8)**!!" The curtains opened up and the young Nordic nation walked through smiling and waving to everyone.

"Good evening everyone! How are you all doing tonight?" The audience cheered, fan-girls taking pictures and cooing,

"KAWAI!!!" As Finland sat down next to the other two judges, the announcer began to talk about something that no one really cares about. As they listened (they really couldn't help it) both Shuichi's and Finland's eyes drifted towards Bayonetta's impressive... _endowment._ After a while of being stared at, the witch sighed,

"Would you like to take a picture? I'm sure it would last longer..." Both males shook their heads before Shuichi asked,

"Those can't be real... Are they?" At that, Bayonetta blushed and lifted up one of her legs onto the table. When both males saw the pistol that was attached to her heel, they yelped and began to look at anything except the witch. "Boy, the decorations look really nice, huh?"

"Yes... And so many people are here to give their support... How nice..." Bayonetta sighed before asking one of the coordinators for a mic. The woman sighed before speaking,

"Good evening all of you. I would ask you politely to sit down but I'm not a nice person. Sit the fuck down and shut the hell up before I bust a cap in someone's ass!"

Everyone immediately sat in their seats.

"Now then, to continue on with these damn Opening Ceremonies! Let's see here…" Bayonetta picked up a piece of paper and read, "Let's see here… tribute by cast of Super Smash Bros (past and present). Huh…"

"Well, that's-a our cue!" Mario announced, causing a bunch of movement from in the audience.

"Move damn it!"

"I'm gonna Falcon-Punch you in the face!"

"Zelly! You stepped on my shoes!"

"That's not my name, damn it!!"

_A few minutes of preparation later…_

The cast of Super Smash Bros had gotten together on-stage and sang a beautiful rendition of the song 'Audi Famam…'. After a long and overly-lengthy standing-ovation, Bayonetta read the paper before speaking,

"Next we have a tribute from the… What the bloody hell is the I.Y.A.?!" Suddenly from back-stage, a group of girls (and a few guys) walked to the center of the arena and began setting up various musical equipment. "Um…" Bayonetta raised an eyebrow before adding, "Who the hell are you guys?" The main woman who had walked in with the girls (and few guys) took the mic and stated,

"We're the I.Y.A.! The **I**nternational **Y**aoi **A**ssociation!" The members cheered when they had finished their preparations. Then after getting the okay, the new woman spoke into the mic. "Hi everyone! It's a great honor to have been invited to such a wonderful event."

"What are you talking about? You said that if we didn't let you guys come that you would blackmail us to the paparazzi?" Dawn dead-panned.

"NOBODY ASKED YOU!!" The woman screamed. But then she sighed and laughed, "My name is Yama Oika and I'm the president of this glorious organization. But enough chit-chat!" Yama-san walked to the center of the stage before the lights dimmed again. A flourish of music occured before Yama-san began dancing and singing**(9)**,

_'__Delineate yaoi at the mess of the rotten brine.  
The ukes and semes would be dancing wildly,  
once you're lost in phantasma.'_

Yama-san had a beautiful voice. It was just what she was singing about that made some people want to burst into laughter or go 'what the fuck'.

_'The key to your lovely haven...  
"NO, DON'T LOOK INSIIIIIIIDE!!!"'_ Yama turned and and added,

_'Even if you hide all shameful things,  
you're essentially a fangirl afterall...'_

A blast of fireworks before the other members of the I.Y.A joined in; some on instruments, others in a group-chorus. Cheerfully, they sang,

_'I want to stay in my room! I want to stay in my room!_

_The temptation of our fantasies... _

_I won't be stopping until I find the way to overcome all boundaries...' _Yama walked a few steps forward and sang,

_'Hey, you all there! Want to join us? _

_There's the heaven of Adam and Adam awaiting us over there~!'_ Yama and a few of the chorus members took out books from seemingly nowhere and sang,

_'Clutch the yaoi anthology in your hand. (Foowoo!)  
Clutch the new yaoi doujinshi in your hand. (Foowoo!)'_

Yama went solo for the next part,

_  
'I want to devour all the worlds that our comrades have created!  
Money that flew away like a butterfly...  
Mother that sheds tears like a raindrop...  
I tried to wash my hands of it, but it seemed pointless...  
My fancies are simply unstoppable.'_

_'Kyun Kyun Kyun Kyun  
Tomorrow's plan is (tomorrow's plan is)...'_ All together,

_'CONVENTION!'_ Taking a seemingly solemn air, Yama sang,

_'If my mother found about my yaoi book…  
"Please, don't look at me like that…"  
"Don't prowl about my room anymore! In fact, forget what you saw! Please."  
Even if I murmur, "…I'm not a fangirl." It was meaningless...'_ A nice few lyrics, nice control over her voice, that part was awesome. Yama smirked and added,

_'Homo homo~.'_ Well, that ruined it. Yama smiled sadly and added,

_'My partner from my former fandom. She's now married.  
I was able to get along cuz you were there for me.  
I thought you would stay a glorious loser just like us. orz__**(10)**__  
I really want someone who could share this feeling right now..._

_Ohh~!'_ A trio of seemingly adorable girls jumped up and exclaimed,

_'MOE!' _The music got bouncy and the lights took on happy, bright colors before Yama and the chorus continued,_  
_

_'Hot guys mount each other, we bring it to you.  
AH! AH!  
We take pleasure by such intimacies!  
We beg you for more please!  
Our heart reflects such tainted images.  
Silver drifts for the summer and winter conventions!'_ Yama smirked again, singing,

_'A smirk spills before the upcoming festival.  
NO YAOI, NO LIFE. (Lol just kidding, you pervert!)  
Neet Lady Need Money  
Check up the famous circles!'_

_  
'GO! Even if you're not young (If you're not young!)  
Cuz this is your one and only life!  
No BL! No Life! Cuz I wanna get it, lalalalalala~,  
I keep going to Tokyo Bigsight.'_ Yama gestured for one of the chorus boys to come sing with her. He sang,

_'3. A strange atmosphere!'_ Yama added,

_  
'2. Are you Lady?' _

_  
'1. Tons of yaoi doujinshis!' _

_  
'0. Eyes sparkling madly!'_ Some of the members gathered around Yama-san and sang,

_'"Did you buy 'em?"'_ The woman brought out some random doujinshi and sang back,

_'"Hell yeah I did!"  
I wanna keep going. I wanna keep going.  
I want to enjoy the pleasure. (Have you yaoi'd~?)  
The characters gaze at each other by the guidance of the fangirls. (Yes, I've yaoi'd~!)  
The story ends and the fandom gradually fades away.'_ The three cute girls interjected,_  
_

_'BUT!'_

_'I've found the next character to fangirl over, so I still can't rest myself...'_ Yama smiled,

_'I'm fancying, when their eyes meet each other.  
I'm stimulating, when their hands touch each other's._

_What was I born for? What am I here for? Ohh~'_ At that moment, Yama placed a bit of a frown on her face and sang softly, _  
'I want to rewind the clock. To that faraway time, when I wasn't a fangirl...  
Everyone left me…'_ She turned to her organization and smiled softly, _  
'But I was able to come across such great friends.  
(I'm not alone anymore...)  
I've strayed about. We're the same, aren't we? _

_I wanna enjoy tattling together with you.  
I've decided to go to bed, 'cause I'm likely to enjoy a dazzling dream tonight._

_(I'm not alone anymore. 'Cause I have my fellows by my side…)  
Ohh~ohh... _

_I want to survive. I don't mind being at the edge.  
I love you, yaoi...  
With the guidance of the fangirl goddess…(with the guidance…)_

_I want to survive! I want to stay rotten!  
I love you, yaoi!(I love you!)  
I won't be sleeping until my earnest soul burns out~!'_ Ending with a long note, the I.Y.A finished off their performance. As she bowed while the music was slowly ending, Yama-san murmured into the mic,

_'I'd be enjoying myself tomorrow again. Tomorrow again…  
We're such crazy fangirls, yes we are…'_

Finally, the lights came up; normal colors and everything. The reactions to that... performance? Tribute? ...Were varied. Many 'WTF' faces. But there were some people clapping and applauding. And then some people were laughing their heads off, like Deidara. The blonde had literally fallen out of his chair, laughing,

"How do you make a song out of something like that, un?! HA HA!!"

But for the most part, a successful performance. WHen the I.Y.A. walked off stage, Zoey shook her head as she spoke into a mic, "Well... That was... Interesting. Let's give it up for the I.Y.A.!!" After more applause, Zoey continued, "Well, now is the time..." The orange-haired girl pointed to the giant, empty flag-pole on the top of the buliding. "To raise the flag for the Games!!"

There were more cheers but then Itachi had to ask, "Just how did they finally decided to get the flag up there?" Kisame shrugged his shoulders. It had been a weel-kept secret on who and how the flag representing the Games was to be presented. But now, the secret was to be revealed. Zoey smirked and said,

"Bayonetta!! Turn it up!" At the signal, the black-haired woman jumped onto the judges table. After getting into a certain pose, she called out,

"With this..!!" All at once, her hair and clothes began swirling in a manic fashion before jumping through the ground near them...

...And jumping out of the roof of the stadium in the form of a massive black and purple dragon made up of the same materials**(11)**. It roared viciously before flying towards the flag-pole. At this moment, everyone saw what the dragon had in its mouth: It was the giant flag to go with the flag-pole. After swirling around the pole once, the dragon had placed the beautiful blue and red flag onto the pole and sinking back into the ground. A fully clothed Bayonetta concluded,

"...Let the Seme-Uke Games be open!!"

* * *

**A/N: **

**(1) The beginning song of the Ceremonies is a rewrite of the Vocaloid song 'World is Mine'. I just shortened it a bit and rewrote some words to be more fitting for this event. **

**(2) Dell Honne is actually a Voyakiloid and Ted Kasane is an Utau, They're like vocaloids except voyakiloids are labled as failed-attempts from vocaloid-users and Utaus are majorily fan-made projects using the free Utau-software. I like these two as a couple though... **

**(3) Before anyone gets confused, Zoey and Dawn are actually from Pokémon: Diamond and Pearl. Remember them (anyone who actually may have flipped through the channels and saw a glimpse of them...)? I still like Pokémon! ...Only the Japanese uncut episodes though... **

**(4) Yes, I played the incredibly awesome game 'Bayonetta' when my best friend got it for her 360. It is a good game though... **

**(5) Believe it or not, this was actually my reaction when I saw the exposé on Bayonetta on X-Play. I was at work with my mom and when I had the TV to my self I saw the story, sat down through the whole thing, and at the end, literally went, 'Da-yumm!' **

**(6) Lolz and ultimate respect to the minds behind 'Naruto: Abridged' and, well, almost every other **_**good**_** abriged series. **

**(7) Yaoi fans might recognize the names, but if you don't... These three characters are from the yaoi anime 'Gravitation'. It was awesome~ (Kind of misses it) **

**(8) On Hetalia - Axis Powers, Finland (Tino) is said to be Santa Claus. No, I don't know how true that is, but I chose to make him a judge. **

**(9) This is actually a real song. It's called 'The Ultimate Yaoi Fangirl Song' and you can look it up on youtube. It's hilarious really. **

**(10) I have **_**no**_** idea what the hell that word meant. It's part of the song though... **

**(11) In the game 'Bayonetta', this is Bayonetta's finishing attack for most of the big bosses she faces. Interesting way to start the Games, huh? The whole losing her clothes thing is just a side-effect... **

**Phew! Glad that's out of the way. The first game is up next! Ya-hoo! Please read and review. And remember, I'm still taking ideas for games. **

**-Tyranno's girl.**


	11. First Challenge

**A/N: It's now time for the first game! Woot! Yeah! Um... Well... Not much to say. This is basically the morning after the Opening Ceremonies so... Let's go! **

**Disclaimer- TG- Hidekaz-sama, may I please have a part in the ownership of ****Hetalia****? Please~? **

**Hidekaz- No. **

**TG- Then I guess that Tyranno's girl Productions doesn't own anything except my thoughts. **

* * *

The sun was shining brilliantly over Domino City, rays of golden light gracing the normally 'blah' city. At the Crown, spectators and such were sitting and watching a commentator explain today's first game.

"Today's event will be titled: 'Survival! What to do when your car breaks down!'" When there were some questioning murmurs from the audience, the commentator spoke up, "Basically... We put each team in separate areas, both the same distance from this stadium, with their team buses. The only problem? The buses have broken down! So each team has to figure out how to fix their bus and _then_ they have to navigate their way back to this stadium."

---

"The team that gets back to the Crown first wins the challenge! And remember: No outside help! No AAA, no calling for family, no GPS! You're all on your own! Good Luck!" Team Uke was watching the commentator explain the rules from inside their bus. What was on most of their minds right now, however, wasn't the challenge.

It was their uniforms. Their pink, fluffy-looking, uniforms.

Itachi growled softly before standing up and stating, "Okay Team Uke! Let's get outside and fix this thing!" There were cheers of approval all around. However, when they all were outside, Ranmaru asked, coughing slightly,

"Does anyone know how to go about trying to fix this?"

There was silence all around. A car drove passed them and a voice jeered, "Nice shorts ladies!" Everyone groaned; Hidan took out a kunai and threw it towards the car, smiling when the sound of screeching tires and screams of 'Ow, my legs!' could be heard. Itachi yelled,

"Damn it all! Feliciano! Naruto! Tobi! All I told you guys to do was wash the uniforms so that they would be nice and clean for today. Why in heaven's name," Itachi gesture to his own uniform, "Are they pink?!"

You see, when the ukes had first seen their uniforms, they had been a deep shade of red. They looked beautiful, even if they were t-shirts and shorts. But Itachi, being an Uchiha perfectionist, had assigned N. Italy, Naruto, and Tobi to wash them so that they would be extra clean.

"Ve... But we did wash them! Just like you said!" The auburn-haired nation sighed, that oblivious smile on his face. Naruto added,

"Yep! And we went above and beyond too, dattebayo!" Tobi held up a jug of Clorox and cheered,

"We were sure to use plenty of bleach so that they would be extra, sparkly-clean!"

...

"YOU DUMBASSES!!"

---

"Can I get a wrench over here?" Kevin Levin asked from underneath the Team Seme bus, the only part of him that was visible were his legs covered in the blue pants of the Team Seme uniform. Stan Marsh handed the mechanic of Team Seme the wrench, asking,

"How does it look?"

"Nothing I haven't been able to fix..." Kevin replied. Earlier, there had been a bit of a power-struggle (as there always is when it comes to muscular men and their toys), but Kevin had shown that he was the most suitable when it came to matters of automobiles. And soon...

"Germany! Start her up!" The blonde nodded and turned the keys in the ignition. Like a very pleased kitten, the bus started purring. All the semes cheered and got into the bus before beginning the drive back to the Crown.

---

"So... We just put thingamawhosit-A..." America mused loudly as he was messing around with the engine of the uke bus. "..Into whatchamadoohiky-C and..." There was a large explosion, shocking all of the ukes before America lifted his smoke-covered head out of the engine and hummed, "Maybe it should have been whirlymagig-F instead..." All the ukes sighed as they waited for America to be the hero and do something to the car. But soon, the cheerful blonde popped out of the engine and stated, "I did it! Let's go, go, go!"

"Great job America," Itachi began as he walked into the bus, "I knew we could count on you!" When everyone was in, Iruka started the car and drove... exactly five feet before the vehicle crashed to the ground.

"God damn it America," Itachi yelled, "I knew we couldn't count on you!" The blonde nation huffed,

"I don't understand! I fixed it according to American standards!"

"OH DEAR GOD, WHY?!" Everyone screamed at the realization. Just then, a blue bus drove up by them. The ukes watched as the windows of the new bus rolled down and revealed the semes.

"Hi guys!" Kisame smiled, wearing his own team uniform (blue sleeveless shirt, blue pants and he had a type of banner around his head that read 'Captain') and waved quickly. Then Russia popped up next to him and waved,

"Bye guys!", before the Seme bus was gone. The ukes were silent a moment, everyone glaring at America. All of a sudden, Sonic stated,

"Why the hell am I here? I'm the fastest thing alive!" And with that, Sonic sped off in what he hoped was the direction of the Crown. America yelled,

"That blue Benedict Arnold!!" However, Itachi calmly counted down,

"3...2...1..." As soon as the brunette had counted one, Master hand was floating over to the bus, Sonic in tow. Dropping the bluenette to the ground, Master Hand stated,

"You all have to arrive as a _team_.", before floating off. The ukes all groaned, Chazz Princeton sighing,

"Any of you guys know how to fix cars?"

---

As the semes were driving along, trying to find their way back to the Crown, Link smiled and poked Kisame's shoulder before announcing, "Hey, you guys! You know what we should do?" Ike replied,

"What's up Link?" The blonde hero smiled before adding,

"Heh heh, we should totally have a monta--!" Out of nowhere, Midna popped in and screamed,

"NNNOOOOO!!!"**(1)**

"Holy crap on a crap-stick!!" Link cried out, "Midna! Where did you come from?!" The blue-skinned woman smirked,

"Oh, I just came from Hot Topic because I was buying some more hair dye and-- Hey, wait a minute!" She shook herself out of her monologue, "It doesn't matter where I came from! All that matters is that I stop you from saying what you were going to say!" Link whined,

"But Midna~! What do you have against monta--?"

"NO! Don't even finish saying it!"

"But why~?" The blonde whined again. Midna scoffed,

"WHY?! Link, you know that every time you suggest this idea, at first everyone's all like 'That's a great idea!' But then when they're done, they cry and whine 'That idea sucked!'."

"But Midna~! All I was going to say is that we should have a montage!" Link whined. After he said it, there was a collective gasp amongst all of the semes. Sasori exclaimed,

"That's a great idea!" Midna jerked before yelling, the FCC censoring certain words,

"YOU MOTHER-BEEP-IN, GOD-DAMNED, SON OF A--BEEP, BEEP-IN RETARD, BEEP-TARD, BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP-IN BEEP! BEEP-ER BEEP! CRAP!!!" She took a few deep breaths before growling, "You know what? Fuck it! Have your damn montage!" And with that, Midna disappeared. When the princess was gone, Damien whistled,

"Damn, _mouthy_!" Link chuckled,

"She's always like that. But yeah, let's do our montage!" Prussia ran up to the front of the bus, CD in hand, and stated,

"And I know the most awesome song to have for it too!" After placing the CD in, he pressed a few buttons before music started playing,

_'What is love  
Oh baby, don't hurt me  
Don't hurt me no more...' _

All the semes started bobbing their heads to the side, saying "Awesome!" as they drove on.

---

"Come on guys!" Itachi yelled, "One of us has to know how to fix a car!!" Abruptly, China stood up and stated,

"I just remembered, aru! I make cars all the time, aru!" Everyone looked at the black-haired nation for a moment, not knowing what to make of his statement. Itachi clenched his hands, took a few deep breaths, and sighed,

"I won't say anything. Just go outside... and fix the damn bus." China gulped at the furious air that the Uchiha was exuding and whimpered,

"I'll... just be going, aru!"

---

Team Seme's first montage had proven successful and unsuccessful. It was successful in the fact that they had traveled a long distance without noticing it. But it was unsuccessful in the fact that they still weren't at the Crown.

Also, as they were driving, Russia's eyes saw something and he gasped, "No... They have _that_ here too?' Kisame looked, asking,

"What is it?" But then he gasped and smiled, "'Seal on a Stick'?!" The bus was close to a restaurant called Seal on a Stick.

"I love Seal on a Stick!" Both Kisame and Russia cheered. they looked at each other and Russia asked,

"You eat Seal on a Stick?" Kisame nodded,

"Some of the best food in Kirigakure!" Both males began pestering Germany to pull over. This didn't prove to be too arduous because Germany pulled into the drive-through after a few minutes of pestering.

---

"It's done, aru!" China announced as he walked back into the bus, covered in dust and grease. Itachi sighed,

"Finally!" The team captain turned to Iruka and said, "Let's get moving!" Iruka nodded and started the car again. This time, it didn't fall apart (yay!), so the ukes could finally begin their journey.

(Cue the voice from SpongeBob Squarepants)

_Six hours later..._

"We made it!" Itachi cheered as the uke bus finally drove into the Crown. However, Kisame's voice called over,

"You guys finally made it!" Itachi and the rest of the ukes flinched before turning and seeing the semes enjoying lunch (dinner? lunner?). Prussia chuckled,

"By the way, love the uniforms!" That statement made the ukes blush before Deidara asked,

"How the hell did you guys get here before us, un?!" Kakuzu rolled his eyes,

"It wasn't that hard... Even taking in the fact that we must have made at least twenty stops on the way."

"Twenty?" S. Italy asked. Spain smiled,

"Si!"

"How many places did you guys stop at?" Naruto asked, genuinely curious.

"Well, there were a lot of different food places and each of them had a different taste. So... A lot." Germany replied. At this moment, China looked through some of the wrappers and bags to see if they had gone to any good Chinese food restaurants. What he found, however, caused his eyes to widen and he screamed,

"AIYA!! KENTUCKY-FRIED PANDA**(2)**, ARU?!?!" Korea popped up, drinking a soda, and stated,

"Yep! And it was finger Ling-Ling good, Da ze!"

**(**_**Ding!**_** Disclaimer: Tyranno's girl Productions does not, in any way, condone animal cruelty of any kind. ... I do, however, find this part hilarious.)**

Ignoring all the randomness, Bayonetta spoke into her mic, "Obviously, the judges and I rule that Team Seme won this event." Shuichi and Finland nodded. "So..." On the large screen in the arena, the words 'Team Seme' and 'Team Uke' appeared. Then, underneath Team Seme, the number 50 appeared. "They get the first fifty points."

The semes all cheered, giving each other high-fives and chest-bumps, and all sorts of other stuff.

The ukes, however, could sense the evil waves coming from Itachi and could sense that they were in for the bitching of a lifetime.

* * *

**A/N: **

**(1) This little dialogue I got from YouTube. More specifically, nevet1212's 'Legend of Zelda Abridged' series. **

**(2) And this I got from 'The Simpsons'.**

**Current score: **

**Team Seme- 50 **

**Team Uke- 0 **

**Oh boy, the ukes better step it up in the next challenge or else the semes will never let them live it down. **

**I hope people enjoyed the update this week. Please review. **

**-Tyranno's girl.**


	12. Author's Note

**A/N: Guys... I'm not going to be able to update this fic this week. The only reason I updated ****Legend of Hoshi**** is because I had it pre-typed (Thank God) and ****The Seme-Uke Games**** I type up every week. But this week I've been swamped with college-work and I'm sick too (Ugh... Just kill me...). **

**I'm sorry for my pity party. But I'll make it up next week with a double post for this fic (which means four chapters instead of two! Yay!) **

**Sorry again... **

**-Tyranno's girl.**


	13. Alexandr Braginski

**A/N: Hey! I decided to do a spotlight chapter for one of the kids! It had been in my mind this week so, here it is! It's right here. Underneath this thing... **

**Ha! It's not right here. It should be underneath the disclaimer though... **

**Note: I know that I said that I would post up four chapters but I was only able to come up with three… My apologies.**

**Disclaimer- Tyranno's girl Productions does not own anything except her thoughts and any OCs that she might make up. **

* * *

_Mizuki Hoshigaki falls from the ceiling and onto the floor. He groans softly before more children and some animals come. They all cheer, "The Seme-Uke Games: Children-Side!"_

---

_Spotlight on: Alexandr Braginski_

The housing arrangement for the Seme-Uke Games was a bit odd. Seme Estate was on one side of the street, Uke Manor was on the other side. And next to the latter was a nice and comfy little bed-and-breakfast style house. It was in this house that the children of the competitors (along with their care-takers) were staying.

_7:30 AM_

In one room, sleeping on a very large bed, was a small boy. He was five years old, with hair like snow. Groaning softly, Alexandr Braginski wakes up. The small boy looks around with emotionless eyes before grabbing a cell-phone from the dresser and scrolling through the numbers until he reaches 'Mom'.

_Ring ring... _

_Ring ring..._

"Mrm... Wha? This is Alfred, who's speakin'?"

"Mom."

"Oh!" The sounds of things falling to the floor can be heard over the phone before America speaks up more alert, "Hey little guy... What's up?" Alexandr replies simply,

"I wanted to hear your voice. Now, I'm going to call Отец and then I'm going to eat breakfast." Alexandr waits a second before adding, "Say good morning to Boris please." America sighs but lets his son hold the phone towards Boris. Loud growling and a roar can be heard before Alexandr takes the phone back and says good-bye before hanging up. The boy looks up 'Отец' and waits.

_Ring ring... _

_Ring ring... _

_Ring ring... _

_Ring ring... _

"Pick up please..." Alexandr sighed. "I know that you have the phone with you, it's in your pipe and you never go anywhere without that." Suddenly,

"Alexandr... Доброе утро мой сын.(Good morning my son.)"

" Доброе утро. Я только звонил, потому что Вы сказали, чтобы звонить по крайней мере один раз в день, чтобы удостовериться, что эти идиоты не будут убивать меня. (Good morning. I just called because you said to call at least once a day to make sure that these idiots won't kill me.)"

"Да, это правда. Но я позволю Вам идти так, чтобы Вы могли наслаждаться. Имейте забаву, и я буду до свидания, да? (Da, that's true. But I shall let you go so that you may enjoy yourself. Have fun and I'll see you later, da?)" Alexandr smiled softly,

"Da.", before hanging up. The boy lay back in bed for a few more minutes before a loud grumbling from behind him shook him from his relaxation. "Alright, I will get your breakfast."

* * *

Hello, my name is Alexandr Braginski. I am the son of two of the most powerful countries in the world: Russia and the United States of America. I am five years old and am happily an only child.

I don't need friends, I have my family. And it's a well-sized family at that.

Besides my Mom and Отец, I have Aunt Ukraine and Aunt Belarus. I like Aunt Ukraine, but she hardly ever comes to visit. I think it's because of my Отец's well-being or something. Then Aunt Belarus... Whenever she's around, she usual spends the whole time glaring at both of my parents. Then, right as she's leaving, she'll give me a present. I have a nice collection of daggers thanks to her.

Then I have Uncle Estonia, Uncle Lithuania, and Uncle Latvia. I don't like them much. Well... Except when I need something done. Отец always makes sure that they do it right, so it's okay... I guess.

Uncle Korea is an idiot. A fun idiot, but an idiot nonetheless. We can never have a nice lunch or something without him having some random exclamation of sorts. I feel for Aunt China though... He has to _live_ with that idiot. Sometimes I think he might have tourrette's syndrome or something.

Uncle Cuba has been visiting more often, so that's been fun. He has all these interesting stories about the Cold War that I haven't read or been told about.

Auntie Nigeria is probably one of my favorite relatives. She and Отец only became close friends a few years before I was born but she is amazing. She always brings me gifts and things from her house and travels. Her kids are fun too... Although, some of her family acts _crazy_.

That's my family. Hm? Well, I suppose that I may have forgotten... Oh! Grandmother Spider! I can't forget about her. She's really sweet and energetic for an older woman. But I guess that's where Mom gets it from.

What about whom? Ugh... Alright, alright...

I hate England.

I'm not too fond of France.

Aunt Canada is far too unnoticeable to matter.

So is Ethan.

Prussia needs to disappear or go back into service under my Отец, he's annoying too...

That's it for family and unnecessary others.

* * *

"Good morning Alexandr." Princess Zelda calls over as the young boy walked into the kitchen. Alexandr rolled his eyes and asked, face betraying no emotion,

"Where's the blonde one?" Zelda raised an eyebrow.

"Peach? She went shopping and asked me to stay here." Alexandr simply shook his head as he walked to the fridge and pulled out a bottle of juice, some pop-tarts... And a giant salmon. The brunette Princess raised an eyebrow and said, "Aren't we hungry?"

"It's not for me." Alexandr replies before walking back to his room. However, once getting to the door, the boy doesn't go in. He simply opens the door and announces, "Boris! Завтрак (Breakfast)!", before throwing the salmon in and closing the door. Then Alexandr begins to walk outside, already nibbling on one of the toaster pastries.

* * *

How could I forget Дедушка (Grandfather) Winter?! Although, there is not much to say about him. For some reason, he and my parents don't get along. I wonder why…

He's fine with me though, not that he ever smiles or anything, but he always says that he sees the past in me and has hope for the future.

I wish I could find out what he means by that.

* * *

When Alexandr is outside, the boy with the snowy hair simply sits quietly on the bench that is just outside the door.

It's a rare luxury that he enjoys, silence. It's something that he usually only gets when he's at his father's house. All the snow... All the quiet... To Alexandr, it's heaven.

The boy drinks some juice and simply looks around at the current scenery. No snow, and the passing cars are a bit troublesome, but it has a certain type of suburban appeal. He could get used to it if only...

"AAAHHH!!! Who let the bear in here?!!"

"If only it would stay quiet..." Alexandr sighs heavily before walking inside and stating, "His name is Boris, for your information."

* * *

**A/N: Heh heh... Well, that was that. The next time I do a spotlight it will probably be on Mizuki. Or... If anyone wants me to do a specific person, I can! You have to let me know in a review though... **

**Oh well, read onto the next chapter please! **

**-Tyranno's girl. **


	14. Alfred's Limelight

**A/N: **

**Meh... **

**Disclaimer- I don't own anything... Ow... But this headache and my ideas.**

* * *

Zoey walked up onto the stage in a nearby bar one night and spoke into the microphone. "How's everybody doing tonight?" There were mostly positive responses, so Zoey continued, "Everyone ready to laugh out loud?" Cheers. "Good. Because tonight's competition between Team Seme and Team Uke is one of pure comedy. The team of the comedian that makes us laugh our asses off the most wins!" There were more cheers all around. "Now, let's get our first comedian up here. You all know him as the United States of America, but he calls himself the 'hero'! Give it up for Alfred F. Jones!"

Said blonde walked onto the stage from the back and gladly took the mic. "Thank you!" Alfred looked around and smirked, "So, let's see what we've got tonight. Hey, you all know that I'm the hero, right?" There were some groans. "Well, I'm not the only one. Can all the ukes stand up for a second? Come on, just stand for a second." When all of the ukes were up, America announced, "All ukes are heroes, be they male or female. Give yourselves a round of applause." There was a round of applause and cheering. "You want to know why? … Because who are the ones who have to have something shoved up their asses? Us! Who are the ones who have to deal with a seme's idiocy? Us again! And who are the ones who have to give birth? Us!" America sighed,

"Good God, I remember when it was time for Alexandr to be born. UGH!!" America groaned. "Freaking had to have a c-section… _without drugs!_ Because they were afraid that they would affect the baby." America got some condolences of sympathy pain from the other ukes. "Fuck the baby, what about me?!!" There was laughter here. "No but really, I love my son. It's just that that _labor_… You know in some countries, the men aren't allowed into the room when the baby is being born?" …

"I think they made that policy so the person in labor doesn't have to hear this:" Alfred laid the stool down and pretended to talk to it, "'It's going to be okay, baby… Just breathe… Just breathe… Oh, you're almost there! Isn't this a beautiful moment in our lives together?'" Alfred brought the stool back up and frowned at the audience. 'That is exactly what they say too…' Someone stated.

"Oh yeah, it's beautiful, it's --- BITCH, SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GET ME THE JAWS OF LIFE!!" The audience arose in loud laughter. "

"Oh, I know! I got a new car a few years ago. Yeah, with every add-on too because I'm spoiled like that. But, when I drove it off the lot, there was only one station on the radio. So I had to drive all the way back to the lot, just for them to tell me that it was voice-operated." Alfred sat on the stool, "So here I am, driving along. I try it out and say 'country'. It plays the Dixie Chicks." There were some chuckles.

"Hey, shut up, I like the Dixie Chicks! A while later, I say 'rock-and-roll' and it goes to My Chemical Romance. So, here I am, driving and rockin' out to my awesome music. A few blocks from my house, another driver ran a light, freaking almost caused me to have an accident. I stuck my head out of the window and yelled, "Hey Asshole!!" Alfred looks at everyone for a minute then sighs.

"...The radio cut over to Bush's press conference." Everyone burst into laughter for a few minutes before America smiled, "You know, in times like this it is a heart-warming sight to see people still thriving. Like one time I was in New York and I had to take a subway… During rush-hour." The blonde frowned.

"Mother-fucker… So I was cramped up against some random asshole who really needed to lay off of the Viagra." People laughed, "I serious though, he kept _poking_ me! After a while I just growled 'Hey bastard, if you don't stop poking me with your cock, I'm going to kick your ass!' He was all like,

'I don't know what you're talking about miss, that's just my pay check in my pocket.'" Alfred gave a skeptic frown. "So I smiled and said 'Oh _really_? Then you must have some job, because that's the fifth raise you've had in the last half hour.'"

Everyone laughed again and Alfred shook his head, "Never again." Then the nation looked around and observed, "We have a lot of blonde ukes, I just realized… I'm sorry guys." Alfred shook his head and began, "I was walking down the street in D.C. one day and I stopped at a cross-walk. A little later, this blonde chick walks up next to me and waits for the light. I look over and I see that she has tread-marks on her back!" Alfred placed a hand on his hip,

"I asked, 'Damn bitch, what happened to you?!'" this statement alone got some laughs, "You know what she said to me? … She said, 'Well the street-light said 'don't walk'!'" There was another rouse of laughter. "You all know my husband. Hey, Braginski, wave your damn hand!" The large nation waved and smiled at everyone, causing some shivers. "Yeah, that's him. So we went out for our son, Alexandr's, birthday. After we got a table and looked at the menus for a bit, a waitress came over and asked if we were ready." Alfred chuckled a bit, "And this is why I'm mad at some semes for not preventing their ukes for doing something stupid! I looked at this girl's chest and saw a name-tag that said 'Mary' on one side.

Before I knew it, I had already said, 'Mary, that's cute! What did you name the other one?" There were more laughs from the seme-side this time but Alfred continued, "I've been trying to lose weight. I think that the freaking scale needs to be readjusted but I still wanted to lose a few pounds. So I went to the doctor." Alfred imitated the doctor's voice,

"'Now Mr. Jones… I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least 5 pounds.' So I said okay and went home to do what he said." America walked to one side of the stage and pretended to walk back to where the stool was, completely out of breath. "'Why Mr. Jones, it's amazing! You've lost 20 pounds!" There were cheers from the uke-side. "'Did you follow my advice?' Alfred nodded and panted out,

"'Yeah but…I'll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that 3rd day.'

'From hunger, you mean?' asked the doctor.

'No, from all that damn skipping!'" Everyone laughed again; some people had made the mistake of trying to eat or drink and had spit it out during their laughter. "You know one time I bought a grill from Ikea? Yeah, when it got to me the wrapping showed a nice, happy family grilling some steaks but when I opened it was in a million pieces." Alfred looked around before whispering into the mic, "Damn Dutch furniture..." There was laughter. "But yeah, I spent _hours_ on that damn grill. And then I had to make a concrete foundation! _Then_ the directions fell into the concrete." The blonde nation tossed a sheet of paper to the floor before saying, "Here's me: 'Oh my God! No!!" He screamed as he knelt down and got the paper. "English-side ruined! Must use French instructions!" He flipped over the paper. "... La grille?! WHAT THE HELL IS LA GRILLE?!"

The house was in stitches! Something about America's intelligence (or lack thereof) always made people laugh.

"You know what else gets me? And this is probably going to be my last thing because my time is almost up. But I have to get to this. Semes! You! Guys! Suck! At! Giving! Presents!" Cheers from the uke side made Alfred continue, "I think for my birthday, two years ago, Russia and I went skiing and that evening he gave me a gift." The larger nation in the audience was holding back his laughs as the memory flashed through his mind.

"So here I am, pretty fucking excited, right? So I open the box up and guess what was inside?" There was silence. "A heart." There were a few 'awes' but Alfred shook his head. "No. I'm not talking about a heart-shaped card, or heart-shaped chocolate. This bastard over here _literally_ went to a slaughter-house and got me a cow's heart!"

There was a mixed reaction, mostly because it was kind of a 'what the fuck?' statement. A lot of the semes were done. They were just laughing up a storm at the idea. Some of the ukes laughed, but not that many.

"What the hell am I supposed to do with a _heart_, Braginski?!" Alfred smirked at the audience before concluding, in his best Russian-accent, "You can cherish it... Or you can eat it. It will make you strong, like bear!" The audience rose in laughter and Alfred announced, "My name is Alfred F. Jones and I'm the United States of America! Thanks a ton! Peace!" before doing the double-peace-sign and bolting off-stage.

Zoey walked up and spoke into the mic, "Oh my gosh, that was funny. But we're not done yet," The orange-haired girl waved her hand towards the stage and called out, "Give a warm welcome to our favorite avenger, Sasuke Uchiha!" Sasuke walked up and greeted everyone before beginning...

* * *

**A/N: To be continued in the next chappie... **

**-Tyranno's girl.**


	15. Sasuke's Spotlight

"I think that I have to say something to aid all the relationships in the house tonight." Sasuke looked around before stating, "All you ukes, girls and guys, you know what the trick to a good, peaceful relationship is? Giving head on an occasional basis." Silence. "Now, look, I know that most of you don't like it but give your seme some really good head and an argument of 'Why the hell would I buy you a new car when we have three?!' will turn into 'What color do you want it?'" The audience was trying not to, but a lot of them burst into laughter.

"Some of you bottoms don't like giving head because the whole idea of getting on your knees like that is bad for your pride and self-esteem and whatever." With a raised eyebrow, he sighed, "Tell your seme this and watch if he does not go out and get a step-ladder. Shit, like..." Sasuke made sure that the stool was steady before standing up on it and looking down, saying, "That's actually a pretty good view-point right there..." The audience couldn't help it; there wasn't a solemn face in the house. Sasuke looked around and smirked.

"I know that I'm a sex-addict. Hell, I even went to a rehab center for it." The navy-bluenette shook his head. "But you know, the problem with those places is that they cram _everybody_ into one room. They get all the addicts together." "Shit, I remember my first meeting. I was in a room with Amy Winehouse _and_ Tiger Woods, God damn..." "Shoot, 'Try to make me go to rehab...' No bitch, they didn't just _try_, they _made_ your drunk ass go to rehab!" "Oh and, can I just say one thing about Tiger Woods? Just one? I know that people will say, 'Oh, he's picking on the black man!' Yeah, first off all, he's not 'black' remember? He's '_Asian_'." Sasuke looked at the audience. "Fuck, like the Asian community doesn't have enough problems already..."

"No, but seriously. I'm actually feeling sorry for Tiger." Someone asked, 'What?', causing the younger Uchiha to shake his head, "No, no, no! Think about it. You should actually feel a little sorry for the guy. Because we _all_ know that that mother fucker's going to be _flat-broke_ by the time he finishes 'apologizing' to his wife." There was a roar of laughter and applause from the uke-side. "I mean, God _damn_! Can you imagine how big that diamond is going to be?" Sasuke then looked at two faces in the audience and shook his head before speaking,

"Guys, I'm sorry. I have to do it." The navy-blunette pointed to, "Link...", and, "..Mario!" Sasuke shook his head. "What the fuck, guys?" 'What?' "I mean, before you guys settled down with your lovely partners-- Sheik, Peach--, how _bad_ was the dating circuit that you had to risk your asses going through hell and back to save princesses that can't seemed to stay saved for more than a year?!" The room erupted in laughter again. Luigi was laughing with his brother, 'It's-a funny, cause it's-a true!' Even Peach and Daisy were too busy trying to wipe away their tears of laughter. Link and Zelda were trying to catch their breaths, Sheik discretely hiding his smiling features with his mask.

"I mean-- Look, look." Sasuke ripped a piece of paper from the notebook he brought up to stage and tossed it to the floor. He then took the mic-stand and ran over to the other side of the stage. It was quiet before the navy-blunette panted heavily as he limped across the stage. "Huff... Huff... Alright... Huff.. I just saved Princess Zelda and..." He sees the paper and asks, "What's this?" He picked up the paper and feigned a girl's voice, "'Dear Link, I have just been kidnapped by Ganondorf. I would really appreciate it if you came to save me. Hugs and kisses, Zelda." Sasuke looked at the paper... and then to the audience.

"Son of a bitch!" Everyone laughed again. "Now, you heroes have really kind hearts. Because truthfully, if it was my little 'Princess' that kidnapped, I would promptly say 'Bitch, you'd better Rasengan your way out of there!'" Sasuke smirked as there wasn't a solemn face in the house. "I mean, shit, I'll watch the kids. But um," He leaned onto the stool that he had on stage. "You might want to hurry up on the escape-plan because I have to go back to work in a week." 'You suck, teme!' Naruto's voice laughed out from the audience. Sasuke chuckled a bit himself before continuing,

"Now, I have to take the time to address a serious matter that is affecting some of my fellow semes." Sasuke looked around, "It is a terrible, terrible symptom that is affecting innocent men every day." It was silent. "I am, of course, speaking of Super-Stalker-Fangirl-Syndrome." The laughter rose again. "Oh dear God, but those girls are _vicious_! I mean, I literally had to, one day, just turn to the swarm that was following me and say 'I! LIKE! FUCKING! DUDES!'" Sasuke accentuated every word with a pelvic thrust, and that was just... 'Oh God, I'm about to die here!' Kisame laughed out, clutching onto his chair.

"But now, really. They are ridiculous, I mean," Sasuke shook his head, "One day I was off from work and Naruto was at the Hokage Office. I had just finished cleaning the house and after a while 'nature called'." The Uchiha picked up the notebook. "So, I got myself a magazine and walked to the bathroom. Doodle-doodle-doo... Walking to the bathroom..." Sasuke hummed as he walked to his stool. "So, here we go. 'Ziiip!'" The laughter rose again. "Sitting on the 'porcelain-throne', as you will." When Sasuke was positioned on the stool, he opened the notebook and stated, "So I was sitting there, reading my magazine-- huh, porn stock is up--, taking a dump, and all of a sudden-- _Click!_" Sasuke looked behind him, a horrified-look on his face.

"Oh, _hell no!_-- _Click! Click! Click! Click!_" Sasuke shook his head before yelling, "Do you bitches not have lives?!" The navy-blunette cleared his throat before mimicking a girl's voice, "'No!'" More laughter, including a few people falling from their chairs. Sasuke stood up and took a few steps before he spoke again,

"You know what makes me mad?" Silence. "Why is it that ukes always want semes to go shopping with them?" Whoops from the seme side encouraged Sasuke to go on. "I mean, we're giving you our money, isn't that enough?! Just buy something that's not god-awful looking and it'll be fine!" Sasuke pinched the bridge of his nose. "And gods forbid the dreaded question," He turned his back to the audience and gave a glance back before asking, in a high voice, "Does this outfit make me look fat?" After waiting for the roaring laughter to die down, Sasuke added,

"And there is _no_ good answer to that question. I mean, if you say no, the uke will say that we're lying and prevent us from sex for a week." Murmurs of agreement were heard from all. "And if you say yes..." Sasuke shuddered, "Heaven help you if you say yes. And..." The Uchiha smirked, "You will _still_ be prevented from sex for a week." After the next wave of laughter died down, Sasuke began,

"I think that I'm running out of time so I'll just do a couple more. You know what's weird? Music. The right type of music can make even the most mundane task seem like an adventure. There's this one American song that just proves my point. You can be working in a library and if that song started playing..." Sasuke put down the mic and picked up the notebook before a song started playing,

_"Hustlin', hustlin', _

_Hustle! Hustlin', hustlin', _

_Hustle! _

_Everyday I'm Hustlin'! _

_Everyday I'm Hustlin'!"_

Sasuke began walking around the stage like a player, occasionally turning pages of the notebook and getting more laughs. The Uchiha held up his hand to stop the music before he grabbed the mic, "But there are songs that are the perfect sex-repellent too. I remember one time when I got goaded into watching the Titanic and that damn Celine Dion song 'My Heart Will Go On'." Sasuke shook his head, "Nothing bad about seeing the song in the movie. But when your uke wants to do the bedroom tango with _that_ song playing in the background..." There were some chuckles. "You can't! You can't even look at your uke during that song without seeing that damn old woman standing on the edge of that damn boat!" There was a wave of laughter before Sasuke shook his head.

"Speaking of 'Titanic', there was one scene in that movie that pissed me off. When the guy basically kills himself by letting the chick sit on their make-shift raft and he freezes to death. And when he's dead, she's saying, 'I'll never let go Jack!', and she's slowly..." Sasuke pushed the stool, "Pushing him into the water!" Sasuke huffed before adding, "Bitch, you could have moved your fat ass and made some room!" After that wave of laughter died down, Sasuke spoke up,

"You know what? Thanks for listening, my name's Sasuke Uchiha and good-night!" As the navy-blunette bowed and walked off of the stage, there was literally a standing ovation before Zoey walked up onto the stage and stated,

"Well, I think we know who won that game! Sasuke Uchiha for Team Seme!" As the audience cheered, it was clear that there were no protests to the victor.

...This time around anyway.

* * *

**Current Scores: **

**Semes- 100 **

**Ukes- 0**

**-Tyranno's girl.**


	16. The Game of Seduction

**A/N: **

_**To Sightlines (concerning chapter 13) - **_**Yes, Alexandr is spoiled. But think about whom his parents are, especially Alfred. Of course he's going to be spoiled. **

_**To Ditkata (concerning chapter 13) - **_**Yeah, Alexandr's name actually came about because when I got into the whole RussiaxAmerica pairing, I thought 'They should have a kid... What would be his name though? It has to be something awesome and Russian...' So I looked up Russian names on the internet and I saw 'Alexandar' and 'Alexandr' The latter just caught my interest the most. **

_**To Sightlines and Ditkata (concerning chapters 14 and 15) - **_**Glad you guys liked the event! The jokes are a combination of research from the internet, my friends (especially the 'Titanic' thing), and my own thoughts on stuff (when the Tiger Woods scandal broke out, the rehab thing was the first thing across my mind). Sasuke's first joke is actually from one of my favorite comedians, Katt Williams. **__

_**To **__**Xa girl and her little worldX**__** - **_**I wrote your challenge! I hope you enjoy! **

**Disclaimer- I don't own nadda except for my thoughts.**

* * *

_The Game of Seduction_

"Attention ukes!" Itachi walked in front of his team, producing his infamous Uchiha aura even in his pink uniform. It was the second day of the Seme-Uke Games, and Itachi was going to make sure that the ukes won today's events. No matter the toil! No matter the heartbreak! No matter the broken nails! Well, maybe...

"Today will be a proud day in ukedom! We shall bring forth victory and honor to our position! Can I get a battle-cry?" The ukes cheered. "Now, I don't know what challenge we will be doing today. But we will overcome it... nonetheless!" Itachi raised a fist in the air and the ukes cheered. "Now, you sir..." Itachi turned to America and continued, "What is your name, fellow uke?" Alfred raised an eyebrow and whispered,

"Itachi? Come on now, you know who I am!" The brunette rolled his eyes and whispered back,

"You are _really_ ruining the dramatic mood, Alfred." Itachi cleared his throat and called out, "What is your name, fellow uke whom I am not affiliated with in any way shape or form?" Everyone groaned at the over-dramatics but Alfred replied,

"I am Alfred F. Jones! A.K.A. The United States of America." Itachi nodded and said,

"Ha, you're a bitch! I just wanted to see if I asked you to do something, if you would do it, and you totally did it."

"Son of a--!"

"Any how..." The brunette looked over his team. They were as ready as they were going to be... Unfortunately. "Ukes! On the attack!"

"Um Itachi?" Ben asked, "Did you forget to take your medication this morning?" Itachi frowned before calmly walking over to the hero and stayed quiet for a moment. Then,

"Did you forget to take your 'shut the fuck up' this morning?!" **(1)**

* * *

"Hello everyone!" One of the commentators announced. "And welcome to Day Two of the Seme-Uke Games!" The audience cheered, some people even donning certain types of merchandise rooting for either team. "Today's challenge promises to heat things up! So get your tissues and things ready, spectators over the age of eighteen!" There were a few groans from the audience. "Sorry, but all you youngsters have to leave. But we'll make sure that you can still watch the edited version of your parents competing in our little side theaters."

---

"This sucks!" Devlin yelled as all the kids were forced into a tiny room with one T.V. at front. There was instantly a scramble for who was going to get the best spot. Despite Peach telling everyone to calm down, there were only two children who weren't rushing about.

Alexandr and Mizuki stood at the back of the room, taking in everything before making their moves. The Russian-American boy walked out of the room for a minute while Mizuki called his best friend over. When Hun arrived, Mizuki simply told him to clear some room. At the same time as Hun shoved some of the kids out of their seats, there was a loud roar from the door.

"What was-- OH MY GOD!" Peach shrieked as she saw the new intruder. It was a giant bear with coarse brown fur and stern-looking black eyes. The bear had also been given a red vest to wear and on its back was, who else, but Alexandr. "ALEXANDR!" Peach screamed, "What is this thing?!" The boy sighed,

"_His_ name is Boris. And he's my best friend." Boris roared, literally knocking the blonde princess off her feet. "Come on." Boris grunted in response and then began crawling over to the front of the room. Without so much as a breath, a large paw brushed the remaining kids out of the way. "Sit." Alexandr commanded, causing the bear to sit down.

At that moment, Mizuki glanced over and stated, "Nice technique." Alexandr looked over and replied,

"Thank you. You too."

---

"The name of today's competition is... Da da da Dah! The Game of Seduction!" At once, all the semes turned their heads and asked,

"The Game of what now?" The commentator smirked and pointed towards a red tent that had been set up in the center of the arena.

"The rules are simple: A seme and an uke go into the tent. The uke has five minutes to try and seduce their seme. You can use any tactics you want but nothing that immediately leads to sex. If any of the ukes succeeds in seducing their seme, they win. But if the semes can all resist the alluring tricks and turns of the ukes, the semes get the points. Easy, right?"

"No!!" All the semes groaned. Abruptly, a gun-shot rang out through the air, causing everyone to look towards the judges table. Bayonetta put the gun away and sighed,

"Can we get this over with? I have a lunch to get to, people." Once that was over with, the ukes had to decide in which order they would go in and, after another rousing speech from Itachi...

("If we lose this event, I will lose all respect for you guys and kill you.")

... The event was on!

* * *

"First to go into the Tent of Seduction will be..." The commentator took the envelope that one of the ukes handed to them and opened it up, reading, "Kisame Hoshigaki and Itachi Uchiha! Let's go!"

"Damn..." Kisame groaned. But, nonetheless, he walked into the Red Tent of Doom **(A/N: Kisame- I thought it was the Tent of Seduction? TG- ... Shut up.)**.

"This thing is huge!" He whistled appropriately, the inside of the Mischievous Tent of... Sexiness **(A/N: Kisame- Really? TG- ... Shut up.)** was more like a theater than a tent. In the center, in front of a platform that had a desk on it, there was a large leather chair that the shark-like man guessed he was supposed to sit in.

Almost as soon as he had sat down, there were the sounds of footsteps racing down a hallway. "Okay..?" Soon, who should burst onto the stage but Itachi. But the brunette was wearing the skimpiest school-girl outfit the shark had ever seen! Well, outside the bedroom... He even had his black hair in pig-tails!

_'Okay, his attention has been caught. Now for the main act.'_ Itachi pretended to pant a little, as if he had been running, and bowed, "I'm sorry I'm late sensei! I had to run an errand last period and I lost track of the time! I'm sorry." Kisame gulped and nodded, trying in vain to keep his eyes off of the sexy thing in front of him. Itachi pouted before walking over and sitting on the desk, asking, "You don't believe me do you, _sensei?_" The brunette lay on his side and added, "Maybe I should stay after class and do some extra credit for you.. _Sensei?_"

Kisame was still trying to look away from the alluring sight but his eyes were stuck as soon as he saw Itachi lick at his lips and lift up his skirt a little...

* * *

"Free at last!" Kisame breathed and collapsed onto the ground when he walked out of the tent at the end of five minutes with a fully clothed Itachi. The brunette scoffed and walked away, more than a little bit peeved at his failure. The semes crowded around Kisame and Sasuke asked, since they had actually seen the spectacle,

"How the hell did you withstand that? Even I was drooling and he's my brother!!" Kisame chuckled and panted out,

"Let's just say that I'm not entirely pissed off for having to fight Maito Gai twice.", before shuddering at the images that he forced himself to imagine. Then the commentator announced,

"Well, Itachi wasn't able to get his seme to succumb but maybe the next couple will have a different outcome!"

* * *

Russia was trying his hardest not to look at the spectacle that America was creating. But seeing the blonde dressed in a sexy cowboy-outfit (complete with the hat)... And seeing him dancing on a stripper-pole... While a certain song was playing...

_'Dirty babe.... _

_You see these shackles baby, I'm your slave...'_ At that Alfred smirked and showed Russia the handcuffs that were around one of his wrists.

_'I'll let you whip me if I misbehave...'_ Alfred went so far as to even bring a whip to this little performance and, after stretching it out while showing its leather-bound glory, licking at it a little.

_''Cause no one else can make me feel this way...'_

"Don't you know it?" Alfred smirked as he wrapped a leg around the pole and spun around once.

* * *

"Damn it all Ivan! Why couldn't you just start feeling me up like you usually do?!" Alfred whined as he and the larger nation walked out of the tent. Russia smiled and replied,

"I simply replayed the memories of Bloody Sunday over and over in my head, da?"

* * *

It went on like this for a _long_ while... From ukes using techniques like nurse's outfits...

* * *

"Now Orochimaru-sama... I think that you need a bit of a check up." Kabuto hummed as he bent over and got out a stethoscope and gloves. "Shall we begin?"

* * *

Some used maid's outfits...

* * *

"Ve... Doitsu! Doitsu! Guess what I found!" Germany made the mistake of looking at the smaller nation and saw him wearing a replica of the green and white maid-outfit he used to wear when they were kids. "Hungary re-sized it for me and everything!"

"I am not here..." Germany hummed. "I am home with Blackie, Aster, and Berlitz... I am not here... Italy is _not_ wearing that adorable maid-outfit..."

* * *

Even the angelic types got into it...

* * *

"Ike..." Pit sighed out as he lay on a bed decorated in feathers and rose petals. The delicate-looking angel blinked his baby-blue eyes at the blue-haired mercenary. "Don't you think that you should come over here and keep me company?"

"Grr..." Ike growled, digging his nails into his palms from not being able to give in.

* * *

"I am in the seventh level of hell..." Damien chanted, hands over his eyes and trying to keep his body glued into the leather chair. "Pip is not here dressed in a skimpy angel outfit. He is not tempting me by pouting condensed milk all over himself and giving me naughty ideas. I am not struggling to keep myself from screwing him."

"Damien..." Pip sighed from the bed he was on, condensed milk dripping down his chest and legs.

* * *

Animal outfits were popular too.

* * *

"Nya! Come on now, Im Yong!" China mewled as he crawled into Korea's lap wearing a black-cat outfit. "Isn't this one of the fantasies that you've bothered me so much about, aru?" Korea groaned,

"Torture was not invented in Korea, Da ze!"

* * *

"Kevin Ethan Levin!" Ben Tennyson huffed, tapping one of his bare feet to the floor impatiently. It would have been slightly intimidating if it weren't for the fact that the brunette was currently dressed like a Playboy bunny; ears, bikini-bottom, and tail to boot.

"I'm sorry, were you saying something?' Kevin answered, face slightly red and looking away from the brunette hero.

* * *

"Hidan, should I even ask where you got that thing?" Kakuzu asked, glad that his mask covered up the nosebleed that he had gotten. Hidan looked back at him from a bed in the tent, fluffy white cat-ears on his head, cat gloves on his hands and cat-socks on his feet, along with the white tail that hung from the boxers that he had on. The albino blushed and hissed,

"Just get over here and have your way with me already!"

* * *

A few hours later, it seemed as though the semes had this event in the bag. The ukes were in serious distress! They had tried _everything_ from dominatrix-outfits and toys (Sonic, Iruka, and Gregory) to Lolita-style outfits (Canada, Tracy, Haku, and Ranmaru) but nothing was working!

"And out last competitor is Count D~!" Itachi groaned, currently sobbing into the ground, "We're doomed!" The Count, who had been drinking tea on the bleachers simply looked up when his name was called and mused,

"Time to show these youngsters the _real_ art of seduction, I suppose." Dressed in a pink rose cheongsam (Count D never wore anything unless it looked slightly feminine), the Count picked up the suitcase that he had next to him and walked inside the Sexy Tent **(A/N: Kisame- Can we stick with one name for the damn tent? TG- No!)**.

On Team Seme, all the guys were cheering around Leon Orcot. "Okay Leon!" Kisame began, "All you have to do is resist Count D and we win!" All the other semes cheered as the blonde detective walked into the tent. The blonde muttered with a frown on his face,

"God, give me strength..."

* * *

Everyone on both teams and the judges were crowding around the television that had access to the tent. So far, it seemed as though Count D had simply set up a small tea-party on the table and lit some incense around the tent. The ukes were crushed! This is where there hopes lay?! The semes were still confident that they would win.

But wait.

Man, did Leon look like he was struggling! Count D was simply sipping his tea and eating his sweets.

Leon ran his fingers through his hair and shook his head while tapping his foot impatiently.

The Count smiled, purple and golden eyes glimmering.

Just like that, the semes lost. Leon lunged towards the slim Chinese man but Count D simply dodged out of the way and left the tent.

When he was out, the ukes ran over and began cheering like crazy. But when Leon got out, the semes were furious.

"DUDE, what the hell?!" Stan yelled.

"How did that happen?! I mean-- What happened Leon?!" Kisame roared. Leon shook his head, murmuring,

"You guys don't know what D is capable of...", his face red like a rose.

Meanwhile, the ukes were very intrigued. "How did you do that?" Itachi asked.

"If I could make a person swoon with simple techniques like that, Mon Ami..." France added. Count D smiled and walked over near the semes, incense jar in hand. After lighting it, he waved it around in the air, a faint rose-colored smoke floating into the breeze **(2)**.

It only took all of about three... two... one...

A third of the semes passed out, faces basically turned into tomatoes from a sudden rush of blood. Another third had onslaughts of bloody noses. The last third immediately blushed as their hands discretely made their ways down south before rushing out of the arena, yelling, "BATHROOM!"

The ukes simply watched on in awe for a while before Naruto asked, "How do you..?" The Count smiled and placed a finger over his lips.

"Ancient Chinese secret."

* * *

**A/N: **

**(1) Once again, props to some awesome abridgers. This is from the hit 'Naruto: Abridged Series' on YouTube.**

**(2) If anyone here has seen 'Pet shop of Horrors' (either the manga or the anime), they'll know that Count D's incense makes people do and see some freaky shit. Why can't he have an aphrodisiac one? **

**Scores **

**Team Seme- 100 **

**Team Uke- 50 **

**Oh my gosh, Team Uke actually won something! But can they keep it up? Read on! **

**-Tyranno's girl.**


	17. Pool, pool, pool!

**A/N: Fan service ahoy! Read on and you'll get it... **

**Disclaimer- Still don't own anything except my thoughts. **

* * *

_Pool, pool, pool!_

The next morning both teams had to be transported to the local indoor pool for the next event...

"Swimming!" The commentator announced to the audience. "Today's first competition will be of endurance in the water! And our contestants will be..." The large video screen turned on and displayed two pictures. One of the captain of Team Seme and one of the pasta-loving idiot of Team Uke. "Kisame Hoshigaki versus Feliciano Vargas a.k.a N. Italy!"

The members of Team Uke were a bit... unconvinced of the decision for their contestant. "Um... Itachi?" Ben asked the team captain.

"Yes Ben?"

"Was it such a good idea to pick Feliciano for this? I mean, he looks like he would fall asleep _in_ the water!" Itachi sighed,

"Italians are supposed to be good swimmers, so I chose N. Italy. I would have chosen S. Italy..." The sigh turned into an agitated growl, "But _someone_ had to have Spain sleep over last night!" Lovino growled back, readjusting the ice-pack he was currently sitting on,

"It wasn't my fault that that bastard decided to come over!"

"But who slept with him Lovino?!" Itachi snapped back but, after regaining his composure, he stated, "It can't be that bad, I mean, competitors are prohibited from using special abilities so it should be fine. Right?"

The ukes sighed.

---

"Ve... Look Kisame!" N. Italy cheered as he showed something to his opponent. "My swim-clothes have my flag on them! Isn't that great?" Kisame chuckled as he looked at the green, white, and red Speedo.

"That's cute Italy." But he groaned and asked one of the event-coordinators as he pulled up his own swim-wear, "Do I have to wear this? I could just wear normal swim-trunks." The coordinator shook their head,

"Sorry Kisame but the competition needs the fan-service.", before announcing that there was fifteen minutes until the event. The bluenette sighed as he picked up the blue Speedo,

"Only ukes should wear things like this..." All the while, Italy had put on his Speedo and was currently dancing around the locker-room.

---

The semes were regarding their opponents warily, observing every movement carefully lest they try something sneaky. Because ukes could be a sneaky bunch... "Kisame will win this, da?" Russia asked Kakuzu. The brunette replied,

"I would think so. I mean, Kisame is one of the best swimmers I've ever seen and-- Oh my God..." Kakuzu trailed off, shaking his head. Feliciano had walked out of the locker-room, clad in only that little Speedo and he was waving to certain people as he made his way to the diving board. Germany screamed, face blushing,

"Italia! Cover yourself up this instant!" By the time N. Italy saw his lover, he was already up on the diving board and couldn't necessarily hear him over the roars (and cat-calls, and camera-clicks) of the crowd. He was able to see him though and waved back, cheering,

"Germany! Hi Ludwig! Do you like my swim-clothes?" The blonde nation could only shake his head as he sat down, cause down the toilet. Itachi scoffed,

"Damn the competition's need for fan-service. It's not like Kisame has to wear anything like-- Ah!" Itachi fell over due to a nose-bleed from seeing his husband in the tight, blue thing that hardly left anything to the imagination. Kisame quickly climbed up the diving board and when he was up, Feliciano called over,

"Break a leg, ve!" Kisame smirked,

"Thanks!" But then the small brunette shook his head and called back,

"No, I mean it, break a leg! I don't think I could beat you otherwise!" Kisame sweat-dropped but got ready when he got the signal. When the judges were finally seated (Shuichi took forever picking out his swimwear, an off-pink pair of swim-trunks), Finland, dressed in a pair of white swim-trunks, stood and began,

"Let's see how our two competitors shall..." The nation trailed off when he saw a familiar face walk over. "Sweden! I didn't know you were coming here, I..." The taller nation silently opened up a towel and covered Finland's body before stating,

"Alr'ght. C'ntinue." Tino sighed before adding,

"Let's get this contest started!" and then sitting down, Sweden now draping the large towel around his shoulders. Bayonetta shook her head but stood up, revealing a white t-shirt and a red bikini-bottom. The witch held up a gun before pointing it into the air and announcing,

"On your mark..." Both males got into position.

"Get set..." The room was quiet. "Go!" Bayonetta shot the gun and immediately there was a loud squawk before a brown and white bird-pokémon fell to the table.

"Pidgey!" Professor Oak cried out. The black-haired witch only scoffed and readjusted her gun, saying,

"Oh, come now, you can catch like twenty more." **(1)**

"Meh, that's true..." The Pokémon professor hummed. This time Bayonetta made sure that nothing was in the air before she called out,

"Ready..." The gun went off and Kisame and Feliciano were off. Both males had good starts, keeping up a steady pace before Kisame sped off ahead.

"Damn it all!" Itachi groaned, "We can't lose this, damn it!" He grabbed onto China and began sobbing. The nation patted Itachi's shoulder and began,

"There, there, aru... It will be alright, I--" Yao took a sniff off of Itachi's hair and asked, "What shampoo do you use, it smells great, aru!" Itachi stood back and explained,

"Oh it's called Passion fruit-Panic and-- Hey, wait a minute!" Itachi shoved Yao to the ground and clenched his fist, gritting out, "As much as it pains me to say this, this is no time to be talking about hair-products!"

In the water, Kisame had just reached the other side and was turning back, determined to finish this. The shark sped through the water, victory in sight until

BAM!!

"AGH!" He yelped as he crashed into something. Everyone gasped, wondering what had just happened. Kisame shook the stars out of his head and saw that the first half of his lane in the pool had been frozen. "What the hell~?" He asked, still underwater. N. Italy even swam over and asked,

"Ve... How did you get your water all shiny like that? It's so pretty, ve..."

---

"Okay..." One of the event-coordinators. "Obviously there has been some foul-play here." Everyone was watching as the officials tried to figure out just who was behind this fiasco. "Now, normally, finding out who cheats during a competition like this would take ages and ages. But luckily, we have complete surveillance of this arena!"

"Oh shit." Sheik coughed. When the coordinator put the surveillance footage on the video-screen everyone watched. The race had started out fine enough... Then Kisame had gotten the lead... Then on the turn... Wait a minute? Who was that? On the side of the arena holding a bow and a blue-tipped arrow. Wearing a blue body-suit and a scarf-like mask...

"Sheik?!" Everyone gasped and turned towards the Sheikaih. The honey-blonde held up his hands and replied,

"It isn't what it looks like!" Just then the video showed when Sheik shot the ice-arrow into the water, the liquid freezing instantly right before Kisame smacked into it. Sheik was in the spotlight again. "Okay, so there it may _look_ like I'm freezing the water but..." Sheik looked around before offering, "I was under control by Ganondorf's evil forces?"

"You leave me out of this!!" Said wizard yelled from the audience. Link asked,

"Sheik, how could you?" Before Germany pointed out,

"I think a better question would be how he did it without any of us noticing."

"Easy!" Naruto jumped up and glomped Sheik from behind and cheered, "That's the power of a ninja, dattebayo!" The coordinators looked to the judges, who were all too busy doing something to have decided on an outcome (Bayonetta was polishing one of her guns, Shuichi was texting Hiro, and Finland was trying, and failing, to get Sweden to loosen up). So they simply decided,

"We shall get two new competitors from each team and have a re-match.

---

"Now!" Bayonetta announced. "Kakuzu!" The brunette was up on a diving board, wearing a tan Speedo, and he groaned,

"How the hell did I get roped into this? Oh, that's right; Takigakurans are some of the best swimmers after Kirigakurans."

"Hey sexy!" Hidan's voice called from somewhere down below.

"Damn it..." Bayonetta turned and called over,

"Iruka Umino!" The school-teacher in the green Speedo blushed and shyly waved to those below. Kakashi didn't miss the chance to take a few pictures of his adorable little dolphin. However, Itachi pointed to the dolphin and yelled to his team,

"How the hell did that happen?!"

"Um... Iruka's a good swimmer?" Naruto offered. Itachi merely shook his head and sat back down. Only a miracle could save them now.

"Are you guys ready yet? Some of us have lives, you know!" Bayonetta waved her gun around before the two got into position. When they were ready, Bayonetta yelled, "Go!" and shot the weapon. Kakuzu was ready to dive in and win this for Team Seme when suddenly... He tripped on bug.

"Agh! Hating thi--!" _SMACK!_ The stitched-up bounty-hunter fell flat on his face onto the water, the smacking sound unmistakable. Everyone on Team Seme (and even those on Team Uke) hissed and groaned in sympathy pain.

"Damn, that had to hurt." Stan groaned as they watched Kakuzu's body float back up to the surface. Iruka peacefully swam the course.

"Team Uke... wins." Bayonetta sighed.

* * *

**A/N: **

**(1) When I played Pokémon: Yellow Version (way back in the day...) and when I played Pokémon: Diamond Version (Before my DS got stolen) it seems that the pokémon that you never have to worry about where to find them are the starter bird-pokémon (you know, Pidgey, Spearow, Starly).**

**It's the return of that mischievous bug! What are its evil plans for the Games? And the scores are... **

**Team Seme- 100 **

**Team Uke- 100 **

**... They're tied?! Oh crap... I'm going to have to get to writing and coin-flipping (That's how I've decided on the victors so far) to see how the next few games will turn out. Cheer on and review! **

**-Tyranno's girl.**


	18. Mizuki and Hun

**A/N: I was thinking that I shouldn't do another event until the next update so I decided to do another spotlight! **

* * *

_Mizuki Hoshigaki falls from the ceiling and onto the floor. He groans softly before more children and some animals come. They all cheer, "The Seme-Uke Games: Children-Side!"_

---

_Spotlight on: Mizuki Hoshigaki and Hun_

The housing arrangement for the Seme-Uke Games was a bit odd. Seme Estate was on one side of the street, Uke Manor was on the other side. And next to the latter was a nice and comfy little bed-and-breakfast style house. It was in this house that the children of the competitors (along with their care-takers) were staying.

_6:00 AM _

In a certain room, in front of a window that has its curtains pulled back, sits a young boy. Sitting in a meditative-stance, hair a mixture of black and blue, skin an almost-bluish pale, and face serious but calm, was young Mizuki Hoshigaki. Even if this could be seen as vacation time, there would be hell to pay if Mizuki wasn't able to train like usual. That included early morning meditation. The boy had actually been up since 5 so his meditation time was really over.

Sighing, Mizuki stood up and stretched out his limbs before walking over to the bed and poking the mound underneath the covers. A dog-like whine was his response. Mizuki sighed, narrowing black eyes, voice all too much like his mother's, "Get up."

"Don't wanna..." Mizuki shook his head before grabbing a sword from the closet. It was actually a katana with a sleek black and blue handle but training with his father meant that he was able to wield it without hurting himself. Mizuki gave a whack with the sword to the mound and received a growl, "Okay, okay!", before the covers were tossed off and revealed another boy.

This one was around the same age as Mizuki, a little older, with messy hair that seemed to be a mixture of vermillion, black, and silver, black dog-ears resting on top of it, a black crescent underneath his left eye and a set of sharp canine-teeth, akin to the kind a dog (rather, a puppy) would have, which were visible as the boy yawned. "Mizuki~ why are we up so early? I bet no one's even making breakfast..." Mizuki scoffed,

"Do you only think about food?" Hun replied,

"Nuh-uh! I think about playing, and sleeping, and your parents, and everyone in the Akatsuki, and moon-light and--Mmff?" Hun suddenly found his mouth covered up by one of Mizuki's hands. The other boy stating,

"Please... It's too early for that." Hun's ears drooped but he nodded before Mizuki let go.

* * *

Hello. My name is Mizuki Uchiha and...

_I thought it was Mizuki Hoshigaki?_

Quiet! Fine... My name is... grr... Mizuki _Hoshigaki_. My parents are the baka-same and Itachi Uchiha Hoshigaki.

_By 'baka-same', he means Kisame-san!_

I demand you to quit undermining me! I love my parents just fine. It's just that the baka-same is... Is...

* * *

_Flashback... _

_"It's a beautiful baby boy!" The Akatsuki's nurse announces as she hands the baby to the proud mother. Itachi held his baby boy close to himself, tiredly murmuring, _

_"My Mizuki... Who's my baby boy?" Kisame rushed into the room, cursing Pein and his missions for making him miss the birth. _

_"Itachi, I'm so sorry! I--" The brunette shook his head and held out the baby. _

_"Get over here and say hello to your son." Kisame smiled and walked over. The baby was beautiful, almost like a palish-blue, mini-Itachi with bluish hair. _

_"Can I?" Kisame gulped out. Itachi nodded and carefully handed the precious bundle to his lover. Kisame smiled and looked down at the baby, taking everything in. Mizuki looked healthy enough; it was just that he hadn't cried yet. Kisame smiled and spoke, "Hey little guy! Guess who I am?" Mizuki blinked slowly, still taking everything in the world in. "I'm your dad!" Mizuki's black eyes widened before he began wailing. _

* * *

Anyway, I am five years old and although I'm an only child I live with this one here...

_Hi! My name's Hun! I don't have a last name because I don't know where my parents are. But anyway, I'm six years old and Mizuki's my best friend in the whole world? Ne, Mizuki-kun?_

Get off! Besides that, we have a family: The Akatsuki. There's Leader-sama and Konan-san...

_I like Konan-san! She gives me all sorts of fun stuff like chew-toys and food from the table and..._

Stop it. Then there's Kakuzu and Hidan...

_Kakuzu's stitches are so cool! But when I first met Hidan, he tried to sacrifice me to Jashin..._

Zetsu and... Aunt Tobi...

_Tobi's fun! He lets us stay up all night when he watches us! But when I first met Zetsu, he wanted to eat me..._

Sasori and Deidara...

_They're awesome! Deidara's explosions are fun!_

Then their kids, which means we are never bored or lonely because we have each other.

_Even me?_

Oh... Yes Hun, even you.

_Yay!_

I wouldn't mind having my other Aunt and Uncle in the picture more...

_You mean your Aunt Naruto and Uncle Sasuke?_

Yes... But Sasuke always looks like he has something against my mother, so I advise against it.

_That's our family!_

* * *

"Yay! Food, food, food!" Hun ran down the stairs and cheered, Mizuki calmly following. They had been studying and playing in their room until Hun had smelled something coming from the kitchen and whined for them to go and see who was cooking. They found Daisy at the stove getting started on breakfast. Next to her, on the counter was a plate of burned pancakes and equally burnt sausages. Mizuki smirked,

"It looks like a phoenix came through here." Daisy turned and smiled,

"Mornin' y'all! Yeah, I had a bit of trouble warming up so that's the first batch." The auburn-haired woman flipped over a golden pancake and stated, "I'm gettin' better! It might take a while for the next batch to be done though, so y'all are going to have to be patient, ya here?" Mizuki nodded softly and sat down at the table and grabbed the newspaper to read. Hun's stomach growled and he took the plate of burnt food, stating,

"I'm _really_ hungry, so I don't mind if it's burnt or not!", and sitting down at the table before he started to eat, a bit messily. Mizuki listened to Hun eat for a moment before he stated, black and white paper blocking him from view,

"Slow down or else you'll choke." The chewing slowed.

* * *

We go on missions like our parents; all of the children of Akatsuki do so we can aid the progress of the organization.

_Maybe I should have used syrup on that food... *Burp* Excuse me! Heh heh..._

Ugh... Anyway... Hun is my mission partner. Despite his appearance... And his actions... And his speech... He is very good at completing a mission.

_Like the last one when we had to retrieve that sacred tea! Those priests were really mean though... And really gristly... And really salty..._

Ugh...

* * *

By the time the other kids start trickling down to the kitchen, Hun is on his second plate (this time of well-cooked food) and Mizuki is finally eating. Though he is eating and reading the paper, Mizuki's attention is on the boy with the snowy hair. Besides the obviously threatening presence of Boris, something in Alexandr just... _isn't there._

Mizuki makes a mental note to be weary just as Hun asks, "Are you going to eat your last pancake?"

Mizuki pushes it over without a second thought.

* * *

**A/N: **

**Thanks for reading! Please review! **

**-Tyranno's girl.**


	19. England, The Father Hen

**A/N: This chapter is dedicated to... **_**Da da da dahn!**_** England (Igirisu)! Yay! *cricket chirps* Let's move on... **

**Disclaimer- I don't own anything.**

* * *

_England: The Father Hen_

It seemed that where as the other semes were beginning to miss their ukes (and the nightly activities that they would do), one seme was enjoying every bit of the separation.

England was currently sleeping in, covers and pillows all around him, creating a cocoon of comfort. _'I could really get used to this...'_ You see, an average day for our favorite gentlemanly nation would be as the following:

Wake up. Get molested by France.

Go take a shower. Get molested by France.

Begin cooking breakfast. Get begged for sex by France.

Leave for work. Get molested by France on the way (Oh, the many offers of blow-jobs in the car...)

Work. Get begged for sex by France _again_.

Lunch. Get begged for sex by France.

Leave work. Get molested by France on the way.

Get home and cook dinner. Molested again.

Take an evening shower. Get joined and molested by France.

Go to bed and, finally, relent to France's wishes.

"But none of that today! No!" England yawned and decided that he should really get going, they didn't have a match this morning but there was one in the afternoon, so he'd better get ready.

---

"Hm..." England hummed as he rummaged in the fridge for something to eat. "Let's see: Sour cream, jam, corn-syrup, bread, bologna... I can make something of that!" The blonde nation took out all of the items and began cooking some unrecognizable concoction that succeeded in making a few of the semes flee outside or to their rooms.

In the middle of cooking, there was a knock at the front door. Arthur decided to let the mixture simmer for a bit and answered the door to find his favorite son...

"Hey Iggy!" America chimed as he walked in. "What's up?" England sighed,

"I should ask you the same thing. Aren't you supposed to be over at the Uke Manor?" Alfred hummed,

"Well... I sort of..." The younger blonde thought for a second, then continued, "Needed to talk to Russia about something! Yeah, that's it!" England gave America a skeptical look before he smelled something from the kitchen.

"What is-- Oh no, my bloody breakfast is burning!!" When England left, Alfred began to look for the room Ivan was staying in...

---

Outside the Estate, the semes were training (thanks to Germany), talking, or they were in the group surrounding Ike the Mercenary as he explained, "Well, I guess that we can start today off with a simple exercise in self-defense." Roy nodded and asked,

"Can we get a volunteer? Maybe..." The red-head's eyes landed on the uncaring teenager... "Craig!" Craig Turner looked up and sighed,

"Do I have to?"

"Yes!" Stan answered from where he and a bunch of other semes were being forced to do push-ups. Craig silently flipped Stan off before walking to where the two swordsmen were standing. Roy nodded and announced,

"Now this is a standard defensive maneuver. Craig will charge towards Ike and Ike will deflect him. Pay attention, okay?" Roy walked behind Craig and whispered, "Make sure to just go along with Ike's movements!" Before immediately shoving Craig towards the swordsman, not even waiting to hear what Craig had asked.

When he was close enough, Ike took his arm and proceeded to flip him over. The problem was that Craig didn't hear when Roy said to 'go along with Ike's movements'. There was a type of snapping/pulling noise that rang out through the whole yard. "Oops." Ike blinked as he let go.

"AGGGHHHH!!! MY ARM! My fucking arm! What the hell man, you totally dislocated my fucking arm?!" Craig yelled at the blue-haired mercenary. Ike put his hands up defensively and apologized,

"Aw shit... I'm sorry, I--"

"The fuck 'you're sorry'?! MY FUCKING ARM IS HANGING OUT OF its FUCKING SOCKET AND YOU SAY YOU'RE SORRY?!!" Craig was still yelling as his arm waved around helplessly.

"Oh, for ze love of..." Christophe gritted out and stomped over from the hole he had calmly been digging. He dropped his trusty shovel and roughly grabbed Craig's arm before snapping it back into place. "Zere! Eet's fixed! Happy now?!" Craig sniffled softly.

"A little."

All of a sudden, England walked out of the house with his concoction of a breakfast and called out, "Who wants food? I'm not exactly sure what it is, but-- Hey..." He saw the crowd around Craig, Ike, and Roy and asked, "What the bloody hell happened here?!"

"Ike dislocated Craig's shoulder!" Kevin spoke up, "It was awesome!" England raised one of his bushy eyebrows.

"Honestly? I didn't hear anything of the sort..." It was then that Kakuzu walked away from the little 'boot-camp' and stated,

"You didn't know? The walls of Seme Estate are basically sound-proof." As soon as Kakuzu said sound-proof, Arthur remembered something.

_"Well... I sort of..." The younger blonde thought for a second, then continued, "Needed to talk to Russia about something! Yeah, that's it!"_

"Oh no!" England dropped his food and rushed back into the house, not without grabbing the water-hose on the way...

* * *

"Oh fuck yes..." Alfred moaned out, loudly, as he clutches onto the shoulders of the Russian male on top of him. He couldn't help it; _They_ couldn't help it. Any type of competition between them just made their blood rush, the heat of desire get almost unbearable...

Alfred felt like he was going to die if he couldn't get any relief and so, that's how he found himself underneath his husband/lover/comrade/rival, Russia, getting fucked into the bed. Ivan simply smirked before leaning in and, after licking at it, dug his teeth into America's neck.

"Fuck~!" Alfred whined out, hips thrusting up on their own accord. "Don't do that, damn it!" Russia chuckled before simply moving to lock lips with the younger nation. The slow rocking of their bodies, the kiss, the privacy in these moments that only the two of them shared was just so... so...

"Get off of my son, you bloody pedophile!!" Rang out through the room before both nations were splashed with a stream of frigid water. After they both over came their shock, Alfred yelled,

"IGGY?! What the hell are you do--AGH!!" England sprayed the two again... and again... Until the two were finally forced to separate. Alfred tried to find something to cover himself up with, just to be sprayed with water again. "Iggy, dude, what the hell? We stopped so stop spraying us already!" Arthur just sprayed the two of them again before commanding,

"Go back to Uke Manor, Alfred."

* * *

"England, man!" Kisame called out as he got back from shopping for some souvenirs for his family. When he got in, Russia had told him what had happened. "That is _not_ cool!" England simply sipped some tea before replying,

"I wasn't just going to let him rape my son..."

"He's a grown man!!" Both Kisame and Russia exclaimed. Arthur sighed and walked out into the backyard. Maybe he could find someone understanding to have a conversation with...

* * *

"So, yeah... I pulled a sword out of a magic pedestal in a place called the Temple of Time and I traveled forward in time until I was an adult. Then, whenever I needed to, I could go back to said Temple, put the sword back and go back to when I was a little kid again." Link explained the basics of his adventures to the gentlemanly nation as they were talking. Arthur's eye twitched before he exclaimed,

"What the bloody hell?!" Link raised an eyebrow,

"You don't get it?"

"NO, I DON'T-- That doesn't even make sense!! The time-space continuum would be shattered at the mere-- Albert Einstein must be rolling over in his grave!!" England shook his head furiously. Link merely asked,

"Who?" but Arthur sighed,

"No, I mean--- What kind of madman comes up with such an idea anyway?!"

---

_Ring ring! Ring ring!_ In a certain Japanese business-building, a phone rang for a moment before it was picked up.

"Moshi-moshi?"

"Hey, Kimishima, It's me, Miyamoto!" **(1)**

"Oh! Good evening to you, Miyamoto-san!"

"Hey, I've got an idea! Let's push back the release date of Brawl for another five months! I just got an idea for the greatest feature ever: Tripping!"

"That's a great idea! Wha ha ha ha ha!" Kimishima laughed.

"Wha ha ha ha ha!" Miyamoto laughed.

"Wha ha ha ha ha!" Zeus laughed.

"Wha ha ha ha ha!" Ganondorf laughed.

"Tee-hee!" The Pillsbury dough-boy giggled.

"..."

"..."

"..."

"... Aw, fuck you guys!!" The Pillsbury dough-boy huffed back.

---

England gave Link a 'what the fuck'-look before stating, "That had to be, bar-none, the _worst_ story that I have ever heard in my entire life." Link scratched the back of his head before chuckling,

"Well... I mean, I was only talking to distract you so that Ike and Pit could-- Oh crap..." Arthur glared at Link for a good moment before grabbing the hose and storming into the house.

* * *

"Ike..." Pit moaned, trying his best to get a mere glance at the mercenary that had been pleasuring him from behind. Ike smiled down softly before kissing the area between the angel's wings: sensitive area. Sure enough, Pit cried out before trying to get one of his hands to his erect member, in order to get some relief.

Ike gently moved the hand away, causing big blue eyes to look back at him and plead, "Ike, I need to cum... Please?" Ike hummed, seeming to think about it.

"Well..."

Abruptly, the door slammed open and both individuals barely got a glance at the door before they were showered with cold water.

"What the hell?!" Ike sputtered, shaking the freezing liquid off of himself and trying to cover Pit with a blanket so the water wouldn't get to him. England sprayed them again and stated,

"Pit needs to go back to his room, Ike..."

* * *

Not even ninjas were safe from England and his hose of despair. Naruto tried his best to sneak into Sasuke's room (the raven had texted him to come over), but he barely opened the door and took a step in before England popped out from nowhere and soaked the two to the bone.

* * *

"England... Honestly?" Kisame sighed, getting more than enough complaints from the other semes. "What is with your obsession of cock-blocking, huh?" England was about to reply when Michael the Malamute appeared on the living room TV and stated,

"You guys need to abstain from killing England for just a few seconds. It's time for the next event, so load up onto the bus and head to the Crown."

When the dog disappeared, Kisame held up his hands and spoke, "We'll handle this later... Let's just get going." The semes all grumbled as they walked out, all along the lines of 'never going to get any while the Brit's here'. England simply huffed and walked out.

Had he been focusing on something besides the 'good' he was doing by keeping the ukes safe from their semes, he would have noticed that he was the last person out of the house. And he probably would have been able to avoid being left behind as the seme bus screeched off.

"What the..?! Oi, get back here! I'm talking to you!" England was forced to begin running after, yelling, "You all can't leave me behind like that! GET BACK HERE!!!"

* * *

**A/N: **

**( 1 ) Kimishima-sama is the current president of Nintendo and Miyamoto is the creator of the Legend of Zelda series (otherwise known as the reason that there will never be a live-action Legend of Zelda movie T.T). This random as all hell conversation between the two was inspired by the 'Brawlgasm' Machinima videos on YouTube. **

**Oh, poor England. Oh well, moving on... **

**-Tyranno's girl.**


	20. Attack of the Evil Stew!

**A/N: Hmm... Inspiration for this chapter... Well, my best friend let me borrow one of her yaoi DVDs that I hadn't already watched three times over. It was ****Gakuen Heaven**** (the title pretty much gives away the plot, I mean, pretty boys in an all-boy private school? That's pretty much the basis of a lot of yaoi animes/games...). I won't say anymore for fear of giving away the plot. **

**Disclaimer- **

**TG- Man of Action, can I get some ownership of ****Ben 10: Alien Force****? **

**MOA- No. **

**TG- Okay then, I don't own anything except my ideas. **

* * *

That afternoon, back at the Crown Stadium, all the competitors had been directed into the center of the arena where a circle of chairs had been placed. After everyone sat down (England taking a bit longer due to certain circumstances), the commentator spoke up, "Welcome back to the Seme-Uke Games everyone!" There were cheers from the audience. "As you know, today's competition is a little different. The competitors won't have to really do anything, actually." Murmurs of confusion rose from the audience and the competitors.

"Wait if we're not doing anything, why are we here?" Craig asked, looking bored. The commentator smiled,

"You're not doing anything, but you _are_ doing something!"

"**That doesn't make any sense**." Both sides of Zetsu commented.

"Your face doesn't make any sense!" All of a sudden, on the main video-screen, Sasha the Husky popped up. "Now shut up and let the lady continue!" Zetsu growled and stood up, yelling,

"**And who the hell do you think you are?!**" On the screen, Sasha kept laughing until he was grabbed by a larger blue dog.

"Michael! Let me go, damn it!" The malamute replied,

"No way." But he turned towards the commentator and sighed, "Please continue." The commentator nodded and added,

"Today, we are treating both teams to lunch!" There was a rush of cheers from both teams. "But not just _any_ lunch! This lunch is super special!"

"Um, how so?" Ben asked. Just then, a group of chefs walked into the audience. They were all working so very hard to pull in a large cart that was holding an even bigger pot. When they made it, they simply said,

"Aw, fuck this.", before tipping the cart to the side, ever-so-slightly, until the pot slid off and into the center of the ring of chairs. Everyone regarded the pot with wary expressions, even as one of the chefs walked around handing spoons to everyone. When everyone had a spoon, the commentator spoke up,

"Today's challenge is... 'These are a few of my favorite foods'! Basically, we took a list of every competitor's favorite food and mixed them all together in this giant pot. Your challenge is for each of you to eat this mysterious combination one by one, spoonful by spoonful. And the team of the competitor that's left will get the points!"

Now, to many of the competitors, this event didn't seem so bad. But, they slowly realized just what the competitor meant by 'mixed up'. The lid of the pot was lifted and inside was something that looked like the love child of a Muk and one of the La Brea tar-pits. The grayish-black combination had chunks of stuff that was every color and purple fumes rose into the air.

"What the hell is in this stuff?!" Hidan yelped, moving his chair a few inches back. At that, Sasha and Michael pulled out another scroll and opened it up, revealing a list of pairings and foods (pairing first, foods second).

Kisame and Itachi- Pocky and Dango

Sasuke and Naruto- Tomato sandwiches and Ramen

Kakuzu and Hidan- Caramels and Cherries

Sasori and Deidara- Tuna and Bubblegum

Zetsu and Tobi- 'We couldn't add Zetsu's favorite food' and Cotton Candy

Orochimaru and Kabuto- Plums and Gazpacho

Kakashi and Iruka- Mint and any type of berry

Neji and Gaara- Peaches and Watermelon

Zabuza and Haku- Sashimi (It's a type of sushi)

Raiga and Ranmaru- Curry

Russia and America- Seal and Hamburgers

Germany and N. Italy- Wurst and Pasta

Prussia and Canada- Pancakes

Spain and S. Italy- Tomatoes

England and France- Pudding (Not _that_ type of pudding) and Escargot

Turkey and Greece- Spinach Cake and Feta Cheese

Korea and China- Kimchi Chigae (Pickled Cabbage Soup) and Moon Cakes

Prof. Oak and Tracy- Sweet Bread and Oranges

Zane and Chazz- Graham crackers and Tea (Chamomile)

Aster and Jaden- Toast and Ice Cream

Kevin and Ben- Chili Cheese Fries

Stan and Kyle- Pizza and Latkas

Damien and Pip- Habenero Peppers and Omelettes

Christophe and Gregory- Canadian Bacon

Craig and Tweek- 'Could really care less' and Coffee

Ike and Pit- Chicken and Strawberries

Roy and Marth- Raspberries and Chocolate

Link and Sheik- Cucco and Red Potion

Leon and Count D- Barbeque and 'Anything with sugar'

Shadow and Sonic- 'Could really care less' and Chili dogs

"Ve... That's a long list." N. Italy stated, but it went mostly unheard as everybody was responding to the list in their own ways.

"I knew it!" America exclaimed. "You're so evil, eating poor, defenseless baby seals!" Russia simply smiled back,

"Back when you were expecting, you ate it too, da?"

"What the?! I never..." Alfred trailed off but soon frowned and began dry-retching as he remembered the stew that Russia kept feeding him back then.

Hidan was staring intently at Kakuzu before asking, "Caramels?" The banker simply looked away, muttering something that was a tad unintelligible. Hidan smirked, "You're eating one right now, aren't you?"

"No..." Kakuzu mumbled out. Then one of the coordinators walked over and asked Kakuzu to remove his mask. "Oh great..." Kakuzu sighed but then, very reluctantly got rid of the cover, revealing that he had indeed been chewing on something.

"Ha, you're just a big sweetheart, aren't you?" Kakuzu swallowed the caramel he had been chewing on and muttered,

"Shut up."

Of course, some of the competitors had their specific issues that were efficiently addressed by the commentator.

"What if we're lactose-intolerant?" Zane asked.

"That's not our problem."

"What if we're vegetarian?" Count D whined.

"That's not our problem."

"What if we're diabetic?" Kyle asked.

"That's not our problem."

"Enough chit-chat already!" Bayonetta walked up to the judges table, texting away. "Let's get this torture out of the way already!" The witch sat down, followed by Shuichi, Finland... and Sweden? It didn't take everyone too long to figure out that _someone_ wasn't supposed to be there and Tino softly whispered,

"Erm... Su-san?" Said nation looked over. "I don't think you're supposed to be here." The commentator walked over and added,

"He's right you know. And also, we..."The commentator trailed off after she saw the way Sweden was glaring at her. She gulped before calling out, "We... Have a new celebrity judge! It's Sweden everyone!" There some protests and murmurs of confusion from the audience and arena but the commentator simply sighed, "Someone get this fine man a chair!"

A chair was promptly delivered and, after pushing it closer to Finland, Sweden sat down.

"Sorry about that folks." The commentator wiped the sweat from her forehead before calling out, "Alright! Team captains first so... Go Kisame!"

The poor shark gulped before walking up to the pot and scooping up a spoonful. He could have sworn that the muck growled at him. Gulping again, Kisame looked back to where Itachi was sitting and murmured, "God, if you're there... I don't want to die from this..."

Kisame swallowed the spoonful. At first, all seemed well. The semes cheered as Kisame walked back towards his seat. But when he was a foot away from it, he nearly collapsed. "Kisame, are you okay?!" Itachi called over. As he was helped into his chair by both Russia and Kakuzu, Kisame shakily gave a thumbs up. Then, Itachi got the signal to go up. The weasel walked up to the pot and, after getting his own spoonful, he spoke to the concoction, "Listen here and listen good. You are going to be eaten by me and you are going to accept it, understood?"

The spoon went in and, after nearly choking the mess out and having to clutch onto the edge of the pot for support, Itachi dragged himself and fell into his chair.

Next was Sasuke. The avenger walked up and took a spoonful before quickly swallowing it. With a low yelp, Sasuke went out like a light. "Sasuke!!" Itachi, Naruto, and Orochimaru cried out. But then the blonde yelled to the snake,

"You stay out of this!", before he walked up to the pot of doom. "I can do this, dattebayo..." Naruto took up a spoonful and swallowed it. Afterwards, he smiled and said, "That wasn't so ba--!" before he too passed out. Kakuzu went next and, after swallowing the mix, nearly fell over but managed to crawl back to his seat.

Then Hidan went... and passed out.

Followed then by Sasori who managed to get his stew down.

Then Deidara who couldn't even _try_ to eat the stew and forfeited the game.

Zetsu went and actually survived (non-surprisingly) and was followed by Tobi who, upon getting back to his seat, began crying of stomach pain. "Itachi... It hurts..."

Orochimaru walked up, took a spoonful and was about to calmly sit back down when a gun-shot rang out. It was Bayonetta again and she spoke up, "Swallow it..." The Sannin groaned before swallowing the gunk that he had wanted to simply spit out upon going back to his seat... and passing out in the process.

Kabuto walked up, ate, and actually survived.

Both Kakashi and Iruka passed out upon trying to eat the substance.

Neji passed out, Gaara, strainfully, survived.

Zabuza survived... Haku wasn't so lucky. "Haku..." Zabuza murmured, poking the teen's body with the hilt of his sword, "Get up." The teen didn't respond.

Both Raiga and Ranmaru survived. Probably from eating all that damn 'Curry of Youth'...

Russia took his spoonful without complaining. Although, when he got back to his seat, he was trying his hardest not to throw up.

America walked up and ate, actually commenting, "You know... This stuff isn't so-- HOLY MOTHER OF--!", before he bolted off towards one of the bathroom to puke his guts out.

Germany walked up, took one look at the mess in the pot and shook his head, muttering, "Oh, fuck this." before walking away. When N. Italy walked up, Germany tried to stop him just to have him go up, eat the stew, and pass out onto the floor.

"The Awesomeness that is Me will conquer this stew!" Prussia loudly exclaimed as he stomped over to the pot. He took a great big spoonful in and waited for about a minute before falling to the ground, clutching his stomach, and groaning, "The Awesomeness that is Me needs a medic!"

Canada walked up, tasted the stew, and immediately went to follow his brother.

Spain didn't even get up from his seat before forfeiting.

But S. Italy, being the stubborn idiot that he is, walked up and swallowed some of the stew... before joining his brother on the floor.

"This is bloody ridiculous." England stated as he calmly walked up, ate some of the stew, and sat back down. "You all act like that was the worst thing in the world, when it really wasn't."

France strolled along before taking a big spoon of stew. All the stew had to do was touch his tongue before he screamed, "Oh Mon Dieu (Oh My God)!", and collapsed to the floor.

Turkey walked up and stated, "Y'all are acting like a buncha babies!" The masked nation swallowed a spoonful before adding, "Also, I--", and collapsing. Greece woke up from his nap and walked up to the pot. When he saw Turkey passed out, however, he cheered up towards the heavens,

"Yes! Thank you!" Then the sleepy nation ate a spoonful of stew and fainting, if you were close to him, you could have heard him mumble, "Zeus, is that you..?"

Korea walked up, stating in his loud voice, "This challenge was invented in Korea, Da ze! So I will conquer it as easy as..." Im Yong ate the stew and fell over, crying, "Doctors were invented in Korea and I need one right now, Da ze~!!"

China walked up and tasted just the tiniest amount of stew before he fell over.

Next it was Professor Oak's turn. Despite Tracy's pleas, the Pokémon professor walked up to the pot and ate a spoonful. He managed to walk halfway back to his seat before collapsing.

A teary-eyed Tracy walked up, tried some of the stew and fainted.

Zane silently raised his hand in forfeit from his chair.

Chazz walked up, looked at the pot and walked back to his seat, saying, "There's no way in hell."

Aster walked up, swallowed a spoonful of stew, and fell to the ground.

Jaden walked up, ate the stew... and actually liked it! He was about to go for a second spoonful when one of the coordinators shooed him away.

Kevin walked up and stirred his spoon in the muck. When he pulled it back out, half of it had dissolved. Chuckling nervously, he held up his hand in defeat and sat down.

Ben walked up and tried some of the stew before passing out.

Stan was next and tried some of the stew before keeling over.

Kyle was next and his reaction was... almost the same.

Damien walked up, actually tasted some of the stew and survived. But he held up his hand in forfeit, saying, "I'm not ever trying that shit again."

Pip followed and tasted the stew before passing out.

Christophe survived...

...Gregory didn't.

Craig shook his head and stayed in is seat, forcing Tweek to do the same.

Ike tried his best, he _really_ did. But the stew proved to be too much for him and he fell over.

Pit wasn't even able to get close to the pot before the fumes from it made his fall over in a faint.

Both Roy and Marth were next to fall victim to the foul stew monster.

Link simply tried to cover his nose before swallowing the muck. And it worked for all of three seconds before he fainted.

Sheik... forfeited.

Leon tried to eat the stew but ran into the bathroom shortly after.

Count D made an attempt... but held up his hands in forfeit.

Shadow swallowed the stew and ended up falling over.

And then Sonic tried the stew and ended up rushing towards the nearest trash-can (he didn't even try to find the bathroom) and began puking.

The arena was filled with groans and sobs of pain, but the commentator beamed out, "Come on, come on! We have to keep going until one person is left standing.

No one wanted to get up out of the few (Kisame, Itachi, Russia, Kakuzu, Sasori, Zetsu, Kabuto, Gaara, Zabuza, Raiga, Ranmaru, England, Jaden, Christophe) who remained. But they knew that _someone_ had to go. Raiga stepped up and forced another spoonful down before he fell to the ground crying and retching, "Guys, I can't do this!"

Ranmaru walked up and, after trying another spoonful, held his hand up in defeat as he had a coughing-fit.

Kakuzu walked up and swallowed another spoonful. All was quiet. Abruptly, "...I think one of my hearts just stopped." Kakuzu groaned before holding up one of his hands in forfeit.

Gaara saw all of this before holding his hand up.

England got up and swallowed another spoonful before sitting back down.

Christophe walked up and got a spoonful. the young mercenary glared at it for a couple of minutes before yelling, "Zere ees no way in hell I am doing zees!", and tossing the spoon away.

Jaden gladly got another spoonful. He was beaming as he walked back to his seat when, as if no one saw this coming, he fell to the floor.

Kabuto walked up next and got another spoonful. He was about to eat it when the muck screeched and jumped onto his face. The medic-nin ran around the arena, screaming and trying to pull the gunk off of his face.

Zetsu walked up, ate some stew, and seemed to be okay. But, when he got back to the chairs, he didn't sit down. He kept on walking... then running... until he reached the bathroom.

Sasori wasn't even going to go up. When it was his turn, he looked down at his stomach and shook his head, stating, "I think that stuff is eating through my stomach..."

Zabuza followed the motion, especially after seeing Kabuto still fighting against the muck.

Russia stood up and placed a hand on Kisame's shoulder before saying, "Comrade, If I do not make it out of this... You must win this." Kisame nodded and they both gave each other a handshake before the large nation walked over to the pot. Ivan took a spoonful and swallowed.

The arena was tense; you could cut it with a knife.

But then, like a tree at the mercy of a lumberjack, Russia fell to the ground.

"Damn it!" Kisame gritted out, seeing his new friend out cold like that was just awful. "We need to avenge our friends!" Kisame stomped up to the pot and swallowed a spoonful before sitting back down.

It was all up to Itachi now. The weasel walked up to the pot and dug out a spoonful. He swallowed the mixture and waited. "Oh dear god..." Itachi whimpered before he fainted.

The commentator cheered, "Team Seme wins!" After hearing that they won, all the semes groaned. Just then, one of the chefs came over with another pot and asked,

"Who wants seconds?"

The sounds of retching filled the arena.

* * *

**A/N: **

**Team Seme: 150 **

**Team Uke: 100 **

**That was horrible; I'm so sorry guys... And the list of favorite foods was the result of actual research and complete imagination (there is actually a thing as Spinach Cake, I looked it up). Oh well, keep cheering for your favorite teams and review! **

**-Tyranno's girl.**


	21. Random Happenings Part 1

**A/N: This is just a random chapter of things going on between the games. The next one will be too, but they're funny, so don't skip them over! **

**Disclaimer- I don't own anything but my crazy imagination.**

* * *

One evening in Uke Manor, after that horrible incident with the evil stew, the ukes were all simply relaxing. Matthew was walking towards the kitchen to see if the Maple ice-cream that he had brought with him was still in the freezer. On his way over he saw Sheik sitting at the table, drinking from a small bottle of red liquid. It hadn't been uncommon to see Sheik drinking one of these bottles, but it had caught Canada's interest.

So the normally meek nation walked over and asked, "Hey Sheik?" The Sheikaiah looked up and replied,

"Yes Matthew?"

"I've been wondering... Just what is that stuff that you've been drinking all this time?" Sheik looked at the bottle and answered,

"Oh this? It's a Hylian drink called 'Red Potion'** (1)**. I hate to admit it, but it's kind of my weakness. Would you like to try some?"

"Sure!" The meek nation nodded and drank a little. Matthew jerked a bit as the drink went down before gasping out, "Hm... It's very -Hic- sweet isn't it?" You could see the smile in Sheik's eyes as he replied,

"Oh yes, that's just what you feel first." Matthew blinked.

"What do you-- Oh wow... Since when did all these get here?" Matthew sighed and awed as he looked up at the ceiling and saw random images dancing about. Sheik looked up and chuckled.

"Oh, you must mean the colors and the hearts. Heh heh, say hello, they won't bite." Matthew giggled and extended his hands toward the ceiling and spoke up,

"High hearts... Err-- I mean 'Hi hearts!' Tee hee!" Afterwards, Matthew slowly began unbuttoning his jacket, musing, "Hm, for some reason I feel like..."

---

"_'We all live in a yellow submarine! _

_Yellow submarine! _

_Yellow submarine! _

_We all live in a yellow submarine! _

_Yellow submarine! _

_Yellow submarine!'_"**(2)**

Everyone from both team houses and a lot of the citizens of Domino City had come out to see the normally timid and shy nation of Canada dance around a light-pole, naked as they day he was born. Prussia ran up, accompanied by Ethan, Donner, and Kumajirou before seeing his lover making a fool of himself.

"Matthew! Nein! This is not awesome! This is something I would think of doing!!"

"Dad..." Ethan whimpered, using Donner's wings to cover his eyes, "I'm scared." Kumajirou even did a double-take before asking,

"Canada?!" Meanwhile, amongst the semes and ukes, pictures were being taken (thank goodness for the modern cell-phone, huh?) and calls were being made. France was crying from laughing so hard. He looked up from where he was lying on the ground and cheered,

"That's the way, Matthew! Ha ha! Show off the more impressive genes from both of your parents! Ah ha ha ha!!"

America was simply shaking his head in shock. Coincidentally, he was standing next to Sheik when he asked, "What the hell happened to him?!" Sheik stopped drinking his Red Potion long enough to reply,

"I haven't seen such a bizarre reaction to Red Potion since I drank it and accidentally wandered into the Puppet-Universe."

The next day...

"Oh... my head." Matthew groaned. The blonde nation grabbed for his glasses before wincing as the light from the window hit his eyes. "Ow! Zut alors, what did I do last night?" Then he took a few more calming breaths before leaving his room. Matthew still had a headache but it was manageable as he made it down the stairs. "Hi Gregory! Kyle!" The blonde mercenary and the red-haired teen flinched before Kyle replied,

"Hi! ... Matthew... Um... Err-Uh..." When the red-head was blushing and stuttering, Gregory grabbed him and whispered,

"Come on!", before they were gone. Matthew raised an eyebrow, thinking, "What's their problem?" before he moved towards the main room. When he made it there, he greeted everyone with a big "Good Morning!" All conversation ceased. Even Gaara regarded him with a look of uncertainty. "What is it?" Itachi cleared his throat and stood up, speaking softly,

"Um Matthew... Maybe you should head back to bed." That cinched it.

"Okay really, eh!! I want to know why everyone's acting so weird and treating me like I..?" Suddenly, from the TV a sound of newscast theme could be heard. Then a voice spoke,

"Well, it seems that blondes really do know how to have more fun. At least the blonde nations anyway! Last night our cameramen caught this hi-larious footage of Canada (aka Matthew Williams) painting the town white and red! Let's watch!" Canada regarded the screen, purple eyes wide and mouth agape as he saw what was making everyone avoid him. On the screen, a naked Canada (thankfully, the news channel blurred out a certain area...) was being restrained by Prussia and singing,

"'Oh Canada~! Our home and native~ land~!'"

"Calm down... Mattie..." Gilbert groaned. But if anything, Matthew got even more rowdy and was now sobbing,

"I just wanted some attention! That's why I was so happy to host the Winter Olympics! But what has to happen?! My douchebag of an older brother has to cheat! And at my sport, Hockey, no less!!" Matthew looked straight at America and yelled, "You hear that, ya war-crazy fatass!! DOUCHEBAG!! DOUCHEBAG, EH!!" Alfred slowly, but surely, burst into tears: it was an effect that only Canada's words had on him. "DOUCHEBAG MC'EVIL FUCKFACE! LA LA LA LA LA LA LA~!" Prussia shook his head and whispered,

"We are going to get you into a nice warm bed so that you can sleep this off, okay?" As he was being carried off, Matthew had one more outburst:

"H-HEY!! WHO WANTS TO MOUNT A MOUNTIE?!" When the footage switched to something along the lines of politics and such, Matthew screamed,

"OH MON DIEU!! What the hell?!" America walked up and put a hand on his brother's shoulder and sighed,

"Yep... We've all had these types of moments, Mattie. Mine was when Mexico invited me over for Cinco De Mayo and I swallowed the Tequila-worm of a Tequila-bottle." Matthew was still in shock so America continued, "My advice to you would be to lay off the Red Potion." Even when America moved, Canada was still in too much shock so he just stood there.

_Tales of War_

At one time in the evening, the semes were telling tales of their pasts and the fights and such that they had been in. After Russia had finished talking about one of his country's revolts, he turned to Kisame and asked, "Have you ever been in a war, comrade?" Kisame thought for a second before he stated,

"Yes, actually. It was when I had to try and get the Land of Water back together. But there was just one group that wouldn't cooperate..."

* * *

"Attention, Your majesty!" Kisame yelled through a megaphone as he rode on the back of a great white shark. He was leading a small section of Kirigakure's best shinobi, he himself clad in a very impressive suit of blue shogun armor with Samehada strapped to his back. And they were positioned in front of a certain island.

The Mizukage took a breath before adressing the residents of the island, more specifically those in the castle. "We have tried politely _and_ diplomatically, but if the Crescent Moon Kingdom does not join the Mizu Union, we will have no choice but to commence Operation: Attack the Living Crap Out of your House!!" Kisame reread the paper that he had been handed before giving a questioning look to his troops. He then stated, "... Sorry, the person who usually names our attack plans is on vacation!"

"You don't scare us!" The king said. "Everyone knows that Kirigakurans are all brawn and growl but no bite! Ah ha ha ha!" As the residents of the castle were laughing, Kisame frowned heavily and then murmured,

"..Launch the first water-bomb." A few of the shinobi performed a few hand-signs before a large ball of water arose from the water surrounding them and soared through the air before it landed with a thundering explosion... a few feet away from the castle. Kisame sighed and called out, "My apologies! The person who is in charge of aiming was in the bathroom!" The shark looked behind him and smiled, "Oh! She's back! Okay! The next bomb will definitely be coming towards your house!" Abruptly, the prince jumped up and yelled,

"Back off! We have back-up!" Kisame looked around before he asked,

"..Where?"

"We've got the power of the moon on our side!"

"Oh shit, Sailor Moon's in there?! Can I get an autograph?!"

"No, not her! Look up!" Kisame scoffed as he slowly looked up into the night sky,

"Okay, I don't know what I'm going to see, but-- HOLY CRAP!!" The bluenette yelled as he saw what they had been spouting about. It was the full moon, but it looked like it had been pumped up with steroids and someone had stolen his Journey CD.

"Grr..." The moon rumbled, red eyes wide and mouth stuck in an angry, toothy grimace.

"LOOK AT THE MOON!! IT HAS A FACE!!" Kisame yelled and pointed. But then he frowned and sighed, "And it looks _so_ sad..."

"Attack!" The prince yelled. Just then, the moon began to slowly descend towards the group. Kisame yelled in shock, "JESUS CHRIST!!!", before the group of shinobi began retreating,

"Run away~!!" **(3)**

---

"So... That's my dilemma. Can we please borrow it?" Kisame was currently talking to the eccentric Shinigami-sama, the head of the Weapon-Meister Academy, and trying to get the death-god to let him borrow something. Shinigami-sama **(4)** hummed,

"Well, I don't know...", to which Kisame whined.

"Come on, Shinigami-sama! I have a diplomatic mess on my hands~!" The death-god waved his hand,

"Okay, okay!"

"Yes!" Kisame jumped up with a cheer.

"But..." Shinigami-sama hummed.

"'But'?"

"You have to get something for me."

---

"Why in de world should I give you me scythe?" Kisame had had to take a sudden-side trip to a city called Endsville and was currently talking to the Grim Reaper **(5)**. Kisame answered,

"I need it in order to borrow something from Shinigami-sama."

"What does me cousin want now? Ugh..." Grim groaned. But then, he thought of something that brought a boney smile to his face. "Hm... Okay, I'll give it to you." Kisame bowed in gratitude,

"Thank you, Grim!"

"If you run an errand for me."

"Oh, come on!"

---

"Okay, well you're just shit-outta-luck, huh shark-face?!" Don't ask him how (even _he_ doesn't know) but Kisame had to take a side-trip to the fourth level of Hell and was currently trying to get Jashin (yeah, that's right, Hidan's beloved god Jashin) to grant him this one request.

"Jashin, for the love of God... Please give Grim back his copy of 'Twilight'."

"I'm not done reading that shit yet! I want to see if Edward-pussy turns Bella-skank into a vampire or not!"

"She doesn't."

"Oh, well fuck this shit then." Jashin tossed the book into Kisame's arm and went to look for something interesting to do, mainly torturing someone.

---

Kisame was just about to bring Shinigami-sama Grim's scythe when the eccentric death-god popped out of nowhere and took the scythe before asking, "Just one more thing?"

"What the hell do you want now?!"

---

Kisame was prepared this time. So, when Shinigami-sama dropped him off in the realm of the death-gods, he quickly found the one called Ryuk and told him, "This is an attempt to collect a debt. You owe your brother Shinigami-sama 12,000,000,000 yen. You need to pay up."

The bored-looking death-god yawned and replied, "I don't have it.", before he rolled over, his back facing Kisame.

Kisame lost it.

"Uh-uh! Oh _hell_ to the no!!" Kisame grabbed Ryuk and rolled him back over, yelling, "Mother-fucker, you are about to pay this damn debt! I don't care what the hell you have to do! Start dealing drugs, sell your mama's old jewelry, get a teenage boy to do your bidding by indirectly giving him a God-complex, I don't give a fuck!! Just pay your brother his God damn money!!"

---

"I don't think that we'll be seeing those guys from Kirigakure for a while!" The king of the Crescent Moon Kingdom laughed along with his subjects. However, soon the shinobi-group from Kirigakure was back again. The young prince jumped up and yelled,

"Do we have to teach you guys another lesson? Oh well..." The evil moon rose up and was slowly making its way to Kisame's group. But the shark simply smirked before talking into his cell-phone.

"Launch the weapon." A minute later, a massive sun with an evil grimace and evil-looking eyes **(6)** rose from behind them. The mere sight of it shot fear into the residents of the kingdom, and their moon. Kisame simply chuckled a bit before stating, "Unleash the power of the sun!" The sun went on teh offensive, chasing after the moon, who was yelping in fear as it tried to run away.

WIth their weapon gone, the king and prince simply shuddered and awaited the worse. In a splash of water, Kisame appeared next to them with a pen and contract and he stated,

"If you could just sign here..."

* * *

"And that's how I conquered the Crescent Moon Kingdom!" Kisame cheered, opening another bottle of saké. As the semes sat around, they all sighed,

"Don't we have to go through some of the most uneccessary shit?"

* * *

**A/N: **

**( 1 ) Anyone who has played any of the LOZ games knows about Red Potion. I just wonder what they actually put in that stuff… **

**( 2 ) This is, of course, from that wonderful piece of art known as ****The Beatles' Yellow Submarine****. My God, I am in love with that movie... **

**( 3 ) The Moon is the moon from ****The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask****, and the 'Jesus Christ… Run away!!' is from ****Monty Python's The Holy Grail****. **

**( 4 ) It's Shinigami-sama from ****Soul Eater****! Yay! **

**( 5 ) Yes, I watched ****The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy****… **

**( 6 ) On ****Soul Eater****, their sun and moon look like two of the most evil things you could ever meet. Oh well… **


	22. A Side Trip to Hell

**A/N: Another random chapter, heh heh. But there's actually an event after this one, so don't skip it over! * glares at people who are considering skipping it over * **

**This chapter is… Da da da dahn! A seme adventure fic! Starring Kisame, Russia, and Kakuzu! Yay! **

**Disclaimer- I don't own anything.**

* * *

The next morning, at Seme Estate, there was a knock at the door. "I've got it." Shadow announced as he skated over to the front door. When the dark-haired male opened the door, he was a bit surprised.

The person at the door _looked_ like Kisame, even though his hair was white and unruly. And he _smiled_ like Kisame, teeth looking a bit sharper. And when he spoke up, "Good morning there! This is Seme Estate, am I right?", he sure as hell _sounded_ like Kisame. Which is why Shadow was confused at why the hell was the shark outside? Wasn't he just in the kitchen?

But Shadow didn't ask any of that. He simply raised an eyebrow and dragged the Kisame-look-alike inside. Despite his protests, Shadow simply dragged him until they reached the kitchen. Then the creation got quite the shock when Kisame looked up from his cereal and asked, "Hey Shadow, what's up?" Shadow looked at Kisame... then the look-alike... then Kisame again. Everyone else kind of did the same thing. But Kisame blinked for a moment before jumping up and cheering, "Dad!!"

"Kisame!!" The look-alike cheered back before they both hugged each other.

* * *

"Guys, this is my dad: Kisame Hoshigaki the 11th. But everyone just calls him Nokoru." In the living room, Kisame was introducing his Dad to his team-mates. Nokoru** (1)** waved and smiled,

"It's a pleasure to meet you all. Such a fine young group of strong, strapping young men!" Everyone was still a little shocked by the facts that Kisame and his father looked _so_ much alike it was almost eerie. There were two grumblings throughout the room before Kisame and Nokoru rubbed their stomachs and stated, "I'm hungry...", before going towards the kitchen.

"That was..." Kevin started.

"..Kind of weird." Link finished.

* * *

As everyone was eating, it couldn't go unnoticed how Russia was watching the two sharks interact. It was almost like he was looking for something in particular. Finally, Nokoru turned and asked, "Is there something that you needed to ask Kisame, Ivan?" The cream-haired nation shook his head and gave his signature smile,

"Nyet. I was just wondering if this is what it's like." Kisame asked, mouth full,

"If what's like?" Russia sighed,

"Getting along with one's father." Kisame swallowed his food and stated,

"That's right! You were going to tell me about him one of these days! So, what's he like?" Russia hummed for a second, thinking about the last time his father had visited him.

---

_"Would you go away already?!" Russia yelled to a certain someone who was standing in his front yard, a fierce blizzard accompanying them. Ivan groaned as his windows started to ice over. He yelled again, "Spring is never going to come if you don't leave!!" _

_"Spring is severely over-rated." The figure stated, the blizzard getting worse. _

_"Agh!!" Russia groaned, rushing into his basement and murmuring, "Where did I put that damn flame-thrower?!"_

---

"Our relationship is... _strained_ at best, da?"

* * *

Later on that morning, still in the Seme Estate, if you were quiet, you could hear the most interesting conversation taking place concerning Damien and whoever the hell he was talking to on the phone.

"No! Dad, I am not coming home yet! ... What do you mean 'where the hell am I'?! Why the hell should I tell _you_ that?! ... Dad, no! Stop crying! God, did Saddam break up with you again?! ... Look, I'm sorry but I can't come home yet. ... I can't. ... No Dad. ... No Dad. ..." The conversation went on until there was a loud explosion from the room that Damien was in.

"What the bloody hell was that?!" England asked, being forced to look away from his Harry Potter novel. A group of the semes rushed up to the room and slammed the door open. They gasped when they saw that the room looked like it had been used in one of England's dishes and _then_ put to the mercy of Sasuke's Fire-Style jutsu.

"Um... We may have a problem here." Kisame gulped.

* * *

"Oh dear..." Pip sighed when Kisame told him what had happened. Kisame, Russia, and Kakuzu had driven over to Uke Manor to see if anyone had seen Damien. When Pip heard the news, he sighed and began, "Damien's Dad must be ever so upset and needs Damien right now."

"Well, where the hell is he?" Kakuzu asked. Pip smiled and replied,

"Well, the question _should_ be 'Where _in_ Hell is he'." Kisame and Kakuzu blanched, the shark asking,

"He's... actually in Hell?" Pip nodded, still smiling,

"Damien's Dad's mansion is on the seventh level of Hell. He should be back in a few days." Kisame shook his head,

"Uh-uh! We have a challenge this afternoon, we need him now!", and after thanking Pip for his help, the three semes left the mansion to discuss a plan to get Damien back. When they were gone, Pip shook his head and dug into his pockets for something.

"Where is it..? Ah! There it is." Pip pulled out a key made out of black steel and decorated with tiny horns. The young blonde smiled and walked over to the closet door. He inserted the key into the key-hole and turned it, a low growling occurring. He opened the closet door, which now led down into a fiery pathway. He giggled and called out, "Does anyone want to take a quick trip with me?"

* * *

"Kisame, wait!" Kakuzu spoke up as the three were driving back to Seme Estate.

"What is it?"

"Even if we _do_ figure out a plan, Damien's father took him to Hell! Frankly, I've been there once, I would really prefer not to go again..." Russia chuckled,

"Come now, as my wife would say, 'Quit being such a baby', da?" Kisame laughed,

"Yeah, Kakuzu, quit being such a baby!" The stitched brunette groaned, it was like talking to two children. But then he sighed,

"How the _hell_ are we going to get to Hell?!" Then he thought before adding, "Pun _not_ intended." They all thought for a moment before Russia chimed,

"I know of a way, da?"

* * *

"Let's see..." Zane hummed as he escorted Kisame, Russia, and a very unwilling Kakuzu through the under-ground part of Domino City. The three had swung by Seme Estate and flung the Truesdale into the bus before driving over here. "It should be around here somewhere..." After a while of walking, Kakuzu huffed,

"And why are we following Zane through this God-forsaken area again?" Zane smirked and replied,

"They don't call me Zane 'Hell Kaiser' Truesdale for nothing."

"I thought they called you that because you developed a strong S&M fetish all of a sudden." **(2)** Kisame chuckled. Zane blushed, muttering,

"Shut up."

So they walked on... and walked on... and walked on... and walked on... and walked on... and--

"IS THIS GOING ANYWHERE?!?!" Kakuzu yelled, irritated with the authoress's narration **(A/N: Well, fuck you too then, Raggedy-Andy.)**. Finally they reached a giant, red, metal slide that went deep into the earth.

"Here we are: The Hell-slide. Also known as the 'Highway to Hell'." The three older semes looked at the evil-looking slide for a moment before Russia asked,

"Is this thing... safe?" Zane shrugged,

"I don't know." The three older semes looked at the slide again before Kisame nodded and exclaimed,

"BANZAI!", before sliding down the slide. Kakuzu looked down the slide and muttered,

"There's no way in Hell that you can expect me to--"

"LONG LIVE THE USSR!!" Russia cheered as he went next. Kakuzu gave a skeptical glance towards Zane, who simply shrugged his shoulders in response.

"Oh for the love of..." The brunette groaned before jumping onto the slide.

Zane didn't even stay to watch Kakuzu depart. The elite-duelist had found a stand that was dealing in S&M weapons and his eyes were attracted to a nice set of handcuffs.

* * *

The Hell-slide seemed to go on _forever_. With flips and turns and loops more than anyone can count. It also split up into three parts, so Kisame, Russia, and Kakuzu had been separated for a while before they met up again. Kakuzu groaned, it sounding a little bit musical, "_I don't feel well..._" To which Kisame replied,

"_Kakuzu, quit complaining already!_" Kakuzu groaned,

"_We should have stayed at the hotel..._" Russia chimed,

"_Comrade, we should be there any moment!_"

"_Maybe he likes it here in Hell!_", Kakuzu offered. Kisame shook his head,

"_Come on Kuzu, don't be scared! I'm sure at least one of us will be spared!_"

"_So come on, sit back, enjoy the ride!_", Russia added.

"_MY ASS HAS BLISTERS FROM THIS SLIDE!!_" **(3)**, Kakuzu's voice echoed as they slid further down.

* * *

Finally, they reached the bottom. And, at first, Kisame asked, "Are we in the right place?" It seemed... _nice_ for a burning crater at the bottom of the world. There were parks, with benches and such splattered in blood. Then there were nice buildings splattered in blood. And of course there was the occasional scream of pain and agony, but that could be over-looked.

All of a sudden, a young girl with horns and a slick tail walked up, all dressed in red and black, and greeted, "Hello you three and welcome to Hell! Now, is this a social visit or do you need to find the orientation-hall for all the other condemned souls?" Kisame shook the girl's hand and answered,

"We're just here looking for a friend. Have you seen him? He's a regular ball of sunshine with short black hair, red eyes, and a somewhat sadistic-side?" The girl frowned for a moment before asking,

"Does he have an obsession with angelic things?" The three nodded. "Oh, you must mean Master Damien!"

"Yes, have you seen him?" After the girl gave them directions to the foreboding-looking mansion in the distance, they gave their thanks and rushed off.

* * *

"Oh there, there it will be alright..." Pip was patting Satan's side. Pip was currently in the dark one's pink and orange tea-parlor, along with Itachi and Hidan (why they had decided to tag along, who knows...), and they were trying their best to get the red-demon to cheer up.

"How could Saddam do this to me again?! I've already forgiven him the last 60 times, why does he have to keep pressing his luck~?" Satan cried.

"Maybe because you keep letting him come back?!" Damien yelled. He _really_ didn't like it when he had to console his father. Oh well, at least Pip was taking care of it and not him. That was _kind of_ a bright side. "You can't keep putting yourself through this..."

"Fuck yeah!" Hidan called out as he stopped drinking his cup of tea, (which was pretty damn good, by the way), and added, "Kick the bastard to the curb!!" Just as Itachi was about to put in his two cents and give some advice, there was a commotion from outside. It sounding like a thunderous barking. "What the hell is that?!" Then the albino huffed, "Pun not intended."

"Oh those are just my little babies, Cerberus and Enforcer! They must have found something _pretty_ interesting in order to be making this much noise..." Satan gushed. They five were about to let things be until they heard a chorus of screams. Now, they had been hearing 'choruses of screams' all morning, but these sounded familiar.

"You know, if I was a bit more paranoid, I would say that that sounds like the miser-bastard." There was another yell.

"That sounds like Russia, doesn't it?" Pip asked. Damien nodded. Then, finally, there was another scream.

"Kisame?" Itachi raised an eyebrow. They all moved to the window just to see Kakuzu being pulled at by a set of invisible jaws, the brunette trying to kick them off in vain. Kisame was trying to pull Kakuzu away but had to call for Russia to help.

"I am a bit busy, comrade!!" Russia called back as he was fighting off a vicious, three-headed dog. Just as the jaws on Kakuzu were about to snap tighter, there was a whistle and a call of,

"Come to Mommy, babies!" The two giant beasts stopped what they were doing and bounded over to their master. Once they were free of their assailants, the three semes were panting heavily, Kakuzu yelling,

"'Let's go to Hell', you guys said! 'We have to get Damien back', you guys said! 'It'll be fine', you guys said!!"

"Oh dear!" Pip gasped. Hidan and Itachi bolted over and the albino immediately began yelling,

"Kakuzu, you dumbass! What the hell are you doing down here?!"

"I... I can't feel my legs." Russia looked at the ukes and yelled,

"How in the Hell did you three make it here without any harm?!" Then he added, "Pun _not_ intended." Hidan and Kisame helped Kakuzu up and began going back to the mansion. Pip smiled and brought out the key from earlier before chiming,

"This key allows me to come straight to this mansion from anywhere! If you guys had wanted to come down here and find Damien, you should have just asked!" All three semes twitched.

"SON OF A--!!"

* * *

"Damien, my baby~!!"

"ACK!!" Was all Damien got out before his father wrapped him up in a hug and began bawling.

"I need you in times like this! Why do you keep avoiding your daddy like this~?!"

"Because you're an idiot!!"

Everyone, once they had bandaged up Kakuzu, was drinking tea and trying to find a way to cheer up the dark one. Suddenly, Pip suggested, "Why don't you come to watch the games? I'm sure it would get your mind off of Saddam!"

"Hm..." Satan thought for a moment. Then he smiled and hugged Damien all the tighter, "Yay! Of course I'll come! It'll be like a summer trip!"

Damien blanched and hissed to the other semes, "Kill me now."

"Not unless you kill me first." Kakuzu answered.

* * *

"How in the Hell could this day have been any worse?" Russia groaned as they all walked out of the portal that Pip created. But, looking back at Satan, he groaned, "Pun not intended."

When they got back to Seme Estate, however...

"Hello, my useless son." General Winter spoke up from the sofa in the middle of the main room, the whole house was now about 50 degrees cooler due to his presence.

"NYET~!!!!"

...Russia got his answer.

* * *

**A/N: **

**( 1 ) I read somewhere that Kisame's dad's name is actually Nokoru, but no one knows what he looks like, so… meh. **

**( 2 ) In ****Yu-Gi-Oh! GX****, around the third or fourth season (I don't really remember which), Zane became 'Hell Kaiser' and started wearing all black and dueling people while electrocuting them and all sorts of other shit… **

**( 3 ) This is a remake from the 'Hell Song' from an episode of ****Futurama****. **

**The next chapter has an event, so go! Read! Cheer on! I'm being so random today… **

**-Tyranno's girl. **


	23. Pink Elephants on Parade

"Good afternoon everyone!" The commentator cheered out to everyone. After getting some cheers in return, she continued, "Today's challenge is going to be real fun! Ready to find out what it is?" There was silence. "It's a drinking-contest! Each team will have three competitors come up and sit at this table!" The commentator gestured to the table with six chairs around it that stood in the center of the arena. "They will then drink their ways through the array of drinks and beverages that we have assorted here today!" There were some more cheers before she stated, "Now teams! Choose your victims-- I mean-- Challengers!"

"Let's see..." Kisame hummed. "Usually, I would want to be in a challenge like this, but since we want to in _win_ this..." The bluenette pointed and called out, "Russia! Germany! Prussia! Get out there!" Russia smiled and, after giving his new friend a high five, began to walk towards the table. Germany sighed but walked over anyways. Prussia, meanwhile, was complaining,

"Why do I have to work with that smiling bastard?! This is not awesome!" Kisame chuckled nervously,

"Prussia, it's for the good of the team!" Gilbert sighed and shrugged his shoulders before going to the table.

With the ukes, Itachi was contemplating just who he should send over. After the incident with the Red Potion, it seemed as though Sheik would be a good choice. And Count D never got drunk, so he was in. But that third slot... Who should go..? "Maybe Pit?" The young angel shook his head, crying,

"But angels are forbidden to partake in liquor!!" Alfred jumped over and asked,

"Since when?! What about all that stuff with the blood of Christ and stuff?" Just then, Satan called over from his seat in the stands.

"Allow me to elaborate on that. Cue the story-telling music!" From some unknown source, the story-telling music from a certain show about despair **(1)** began playing. "You see, a few hundred centuries ago, my brother Luci and the angel of death had just gotten done with a slaying. I'm not sure if it was the death of the first-born in Egypt or if it was the flood... Any who, so they were drinking at one of heaven's bars before they got to talking and then Luci says,

'Hey, Necro?'

'Yeah?'

'I can see that this job is making you miserable, why don't you tell God to reassign you?'

'He won't do that...'

'He will if you make your case as convincing as possible! Go on, try it!'

So Necro goes to God and demands that he be reassigned. Note that Necro was basically flooded by liquor at the time. So, of course, God refused. Then Necro got angry, spit on God's feet and gave him the finger. Then there was that whole mess with the Heavenly war and blah, blah, blah...

So, in short, angels are now forbidden from drinking any sort of alcohol. The end!" **(2)** All the ukes simply looked at Satan for a while and then they looked at Pit. The young angel nodded,

"That's basically the gist of it." Itachi sighed,

"Okay then... Who's going to go up then?"

"Moi! Moi!" France waved his hand as he followed Sheik and Count D to the table.

"Wait! France, get your sparkly, rose-waving ass back here!!" France ignored him and said,

"The French never get intoxicated, unless it's on love, darling! We shall win this, do not worry!" Itachi groaned,

"We'd better, or so help me God; I'll end up doing something that we'll both regret..." The ukes that were near the team-captain moved a few seats away upon sensing the weasel's aura of malevolence growing.

"Okay, so for Team Seme we have Ivan Braginksi a.k.a Russia, Ludwig Beilschmidt a.k.a. Germany, and Gilbert Beilschmidt a.k.a. the former nation of Prussia!"

"FORMER NATION?!!" Prussia growled at how he had been announced. The commentator ignored it and went on,

"Then, for Team Uke, we have Sheik the Sheikaiah, Count D, and Francis Bonnefoy a.k.a France!" The audience cheered before the commentator announced, "Let's get things started!" At that moment, two event-coordinators walked up to the table with a wooden box. When they arrived at said table, they brought out six small bottles of...

"Whiskey!" America cheered. The commentator nodded and stated,

"Our contestants will be drinking drinks from around the world! Our first drink is whiskey from America! More specifically Louisiana!" After each contestant picked up a bottle, the commentator called out, "Bottoms up!" The bottles were opened and quickly made short work of.

"That was easy!" France cheered. The whiskey bottles were cleared away and replaced with eighteen shot-glasses, a bowl of limes, a shaker of salt, and a bottle of...

"Tequila from Mexico!" Abruptly, there was a yell in the audience.

"America, you bastard! Give me back my glasses!!" Everyone watched as America turned and saw his neighbor to the south, Mexico **(3)**. Alfred smiled and glomped the tanned male with black hair in a pony-tail, cheering,

"Miguel! How's my fav neighbor doing?" Mexico growled and shoved the blonde away. Squinting his eyes a bit so that he could make out who he was talking to, Miguel stated,

"I'm here to get my glasses back, you asshole! I also had to drop off the Tequila, but that doesn't matter and-- HEY!" Alfred had long since gotten bored and went back to watching the competition. Miguel groaned before his eyes landed on the kids. He smirked and walked over, asking, "Hola (Hello) kids! Who wants to learn some Spanish?" They all looked before Mexico chuckled and pointed to Alfred, "Hey kids! Can you say 'Hijo de la gran puta'** (4)**?" It took a few minutes before America ran over and yelled,

"Don't teach them that!"

Back at the table, mostly everyone had finished the Tequila. It was just Count D who was still confused. "So... is it lime, salt, then Tequila? Or salt, Tequila, lime? Or could it be..." The Count frowned before huffing, "Oh, to Hell with it.", and downing all three of his shots. The glasses and bottle were removed and replaced with six glasses filled with a vibrant green and white drink.

"Caipirinha **(5)** from Brazil!" The commentator announced. Germany grabbed the colorful drink and took a sip, immediately wincing,

"Why is it so sweet?"

"Sweet?" Count D's eyes sparkled and he took the glass, sipping the drink experimentally and smiling. "It is sweet!" As everyone started to drink the Caipirinhas, the commentator stated,

"Of course it's sweet, it's the national drink of Brazil!" doing a strange dance. When the green drinks were gone, the glasses were cleared away and replaced with bottles of clear, brown liquid. "Now we have Rum from England!"

At that moment, England had brought out a cell-phone and dialed a well-known number. _Ring ring... Ring ring..._ "Hello? Is this Alcoholics Anonymous: UK-branch? I'm kind of being tempted right now and need to be talked through it before I have a relapse..."

Russia took a bottle and down it all before stating, "Leave it to England to make even alcohol disgusting..."

"Oi! I take offense to that, I do!" England was about to charge towards the table but the voice on the phone stopped him. "What? No, I'm not drunk..."

When the rum was gone, the next drink-- Rather-- drinks were brought up. Four wine-glasses were placed in front of each competitor. Then they were each filled with deep, decadent liquid from different bottles. "The next course are wines from Greece... Spain... Italy... And France!" The competitors gulped a bit before beginning the ordeal. Everything was going fine until after the glass of Grecian wine, France started hiccupping.

"Oh, you've got to be shitting me..." Itachi gritted out, his aura of malevolence growing and causing the other ukes to move further away. Everyone watched as Francis, with a shaky hand grabbed the glass of Spanish wine and slowly drank it down. With his cheeks now tinted pink, Francis grasped the glass of Italian wine and, hiccupping some more, drank it.

Everyone else had finished their glasses and was now watching the romantic nation struggle with himself. After a few moments of strained silence, Prussia asked his friend, "Are you okay? You don't look that awesome right now..." Francis was silent until he grabbed the glass of French wine. He managed to take the tiniest sip before he turned to the albino nation and replied,

"Non.", before he collapsed out of his chair. The commentator slowly walked up and poked France with a stick before stating,

"France is out of the competition!"

"He's dead." Canada whispered, giving wary glances at the elder Uchiha's reaction to France being the first person out. At the table, everyone was still slowly reacting to France's passing out. He had also fallen down in a position that really was not that flattering; what, with his legs open in the air like that.

Germany, being Mr. OCD, walked over and tried to close the Frenchman's legs... Just to have them open again. He tried to close them again... And they opened again... One more try... They opened again.

Germany simply rolled his eyes and sat back in his chair. The wine glasses were taken away and replaced with new glasses. Then one of the coordinators brought up a large barrel and opened it, pouring a thick, frothy, white drink into the glasses. Everyone looked at the drink warily, but Russia smiled before drinking. He knew what this was; it was the favorite drink of one of his newest friends.

"Palm-wine from Nigeria! **(6)** This drink is notoriously sweet and alcoholic, so watch out!" Everyone slowly drank the drink down, noticing that it wasn't that bad. Except for Germany. The drink was _too_ sweet. The blonde nation could usually hold his liquor, but liquor _and_ sugar was a different thing entirely. With a groan, he slumped forward into his seat until his head rested on the table.

Prussia gulped and asked, "West? Are you okay..?" It was quiet. Then,

"Who the fuck asked you?!" Ludwig replied, cheeks red and blue eyes glazed over. "I'm perfectly fine! Why do you give a fuck anyhow?!" Everyone was shocked at how the normally stoic, anal-retentive nation was acting. At that moment, Germany began sobbing, "I used to be the Holy Roman Empire. The Holy _fucking_ Roman Empire!! I even asked Italia to marry me but he refused..!!"

"O...kay..." The commentator dead-panned, "Germany's out like a light. Let's continue on with Beer from Germany!!"

After three mugs of beer were placed on the table, they all drank, Count D whining at the taste, but something strange happened. At the exact moment that the empty mugs touched the ground, both Sheik and Prussia passed out. That was shocking in itself, especially to Link and Canada who knew that Sheik and Prussia were some of the most resilient drinkers that they knew.

It was down to Russia and Count D. The large nation smiled at the pet-shop owner, both determined to win this. "Come on Count D..." Itachi was running his fingers through his hair nervously.

"You've got this in the bag, Russia..." Kisame crossed his fingers.

"Next up: Saké from Japan!" A coordinator walked over, dragging two large bottles of saké behind her. Groaning slightly, she managed to get them onto the table. "Drink up guys, these came from a very special donor!"

---

_Meanwhile in Konoha..._

Tsunade was getting off from a long day at work and was looking forward to some quality time with her best friend. No, not Shizune."I'm really in the mood for some-- What the..?!" She flinched when she saw her fridge empty. "WHERE THE HELL'S MY SAKÉ, I JUST BOUGHT SOME!!!"

---

Russia frowned a bit, not enjoying the fact that he had to drink the Japanese alcohol, but he shrugged it off and downed some of it.

Count D took a more refined approach and asked for a cup before he slowly began drinking.

---

The sun was beginning to set. Both of the competitors at the table weren't budging an inch, even though the Count now had a slight blush on his face and Russia was having a hard time remembering just where his chair was. They had gotten through twenty more cases of liquor and now were at the last part of the contest.

"Finally, we have vodka from Russia!" At this, Russia smiled and stated,

"You are going to lose, da?" Count D smiled back,

"We'll see, my dear nation, we'll see..." A coordinator walked over and placed two bottles on the table before rushing off. One glance at the bottles, however, and Russia blanched a bit. The dark blue glass sealed decorated with the engraving of a blue Flax flower... Oh, he knew this type of vodka well.

"That's the 100%-proof vodka that I buy Big Brother all the time!" Belarus exclaimed. Everyone looked down at the table, where Russia was still slightly trembling.

"Did she say... 100%-proof?" Count D asked. Russia nodded. Neither competitor moved for a while, but then Count D picked up and opened a bottle. Taking a deep breath, he took a sip.

The bottle fell to the table. All was quiet for a while, so the commentator asked, "Um... Count? Are you alright?" There was a soft giggling. Then it turned into full-out laughter before Count D replied,

"I'm just _fine..!_ Super! Uber-Omega wonderful!!" Itachi's yell of disappointment rang throughout the stands as everyone had the same realization: The Count was tanked. "Oh my! I have to get going, you see! I have a prior arrangement with Mr. Caterpillar and the Mad Hatter! Did I mention that the Pegasus is to be there? And maybe the rhino will let me lick his horn~! Ah hah hah~!" Leon walked over and dragged the drunken Count away from the arena. Russia simply sighed as he opened the bottle and drank the vodka down.

"Um, well..." The commentator chuckled, "Russia, you didn't have to drink the vodka." Ivan looked over at the woman and sighed,

"Yes...", before discretely pointing to Belarus in the stands, her psycho-aura growing, "I did." The commentator shrugged and added,

"Team Seme wins again! Give it up for Russia!" Ivan groaned and fell over, falling right to sleep.

"So useless..." General Winter sighed from his seat where he was holding Alaxandr like a rare treasure.

"Maybe we shouldn't have boiled down the liquor..." The commentator sighed.

"WHAT?!" Everyone yelled. But it did explain why everyone was so effected. Oh well, time to break out the Aleve, buckets, and ice-packs...

* * *

**A/N: **

**( 1 ) Guess it yet? If you didn't, the show was 'Sayonara, Zetsubou-sensei'. Their story-telling music is probably some of the best when it comes to anime. **

**( 2 ) If anyone has ever seen the movie 'Dogma', you'll get it. If you haven't, watch that movie, it's hilarious! **

**( 3 ) I know that Hetalia doesn't have a Mexico (or a Nigeria for that matter. Man, they really need to add these two!), but I love the idea of Mexico still being mad at Alfred for taking his glasses (Texas). Sorry about the unoriginal name though…**

**( 4 ) Oh Mexico… Always trying to teach kids Spanish (though, teaching them 'Son of a bitch' probably isn't for the best.) **

**( 5 ) There are three things known as the Caipirinha. The alcoholic drink from Brazil, the song, and the dance that was made for the song. **

**( 6 ) I'm Nigerian-American and, according to all the research I pull up for when I finally decide to go to Nigeria (and everything that my Mother has told me), Palm-wine is a really, _really_ sweet beverage made from the sap of certain types of palm-trees and then left to ferment for a little bit. It's often given to visitors. **

**Team Seme- 200 **

**Team Uke- 100 **

… **This is sad. Team Uke, step it up a notch!! Oh well, please review. **

**-Tyranno's girl. **


	24. Kiro, Kire, and Kira

_Mizuki Hoshigaki falls from the ceiling and onto the floor. He groans softly before more children and some animals come. They all cheer, "The Seme-Uke Games: Children-Side!"_

---

_Spotlight on: The Hoku Triplets- Kiro, Kire, and Kira_

The housing arrangement for the Seme-Uke Games was a bit odd. Seme Estate was on one side of the street, Uke Manor was on the other side. And next to the latter was a nice and comfy little bed-and-breakfast style house. It was in this house that the children of the competitors (along with their care-takers) were staying.

_6:00 AM_

_BEEP, BEEP, BEEP! BEEP, BEEP, BEEP! BEEP, BEEP, BEEP!_

In one room, sleeping in one big bed (they were used to it, seeing as how their father didn't see the need to buy seperate beds until they hit puberty), were three kids. The first (a boy) looked like a miniature version of one Kakuzu Hoku; even as he slept, his face looked serious.

The boy on the opposite side of the bed looked a bit more feminine; with short, brown hair and stitches coming from down his eyes rather than across his face like his brothers.

The third child, who was sleepign between te two boys, was a little albino girl with her long, white hair in two braided pig-tails (she only had them braided like this when she went to sleep). Her skin was pale and fair, like her mother's, so she was kind of the envy of her brothers.

The three had been sleeping peacfully until an alarm-clock (that two of them didn't even know had been placed in the room) went off. The first boy awoke, showing deep, emerald eyes, got out of bed and spoke up (in a voice that sounded almost just like his father's), "Get up you two. It's time to wake up."

The girl sat up and whined, rubbing her ruby eyes, "I'm still sleepy... Can't you guys go on without me?" The other boy huffed,

"What the hell do you mean 'you guys'? I'm still tired too!", before pulling the blankets towards himself.

"No, we need to get up!" The mini-Kakuzu spoke as he grabbed the blanket and started pulling.

"Hey, wait!" The albino girl whined as she tried to get some blanket for herself. The three children fought and pulled at teh one blanket, until...

_RRRIIIPPP!!_

The three children now sat around the room, holding three pieces of a blanket. "Well, isn't this a bitch?" The short-haired boy huffed, tossing his peice of blanket to his teary-eyed sister.

* * *

**Hello. **

Hiya!

_Good morning!_

**My name is Kiro Hoku...**

I'm Kire Hoku...

_And my name is Kira Hoku. We're the Hoku Triplets!_

Also known as the 'Zombie-Triplets', the 'abominations', and the 'Trio of Psychopaths'...

**Quiet Kire, you're upsetting Kira.**

_Abominations?_

**Don't mind the idiotic sibling, I think he got his brain-cells from our mother. Anyway, to keep the schedule rolling, we are all five years old. I'm the oldest by five minutes, followed by the idiot... **

Screw you too...

**..And finally Kira. At least that's what our father tells us, according to how long it took him to cut us out of our mother's stomach. **

_Can I talk about Mother and Dad? Please?_

Go ahead.

_Yay! Well, our mother is Hidan, the immortal priest of the almighty Jashin! Praise Jashin-sama!_

Aw geez...

**Kira, could you move on please?**

_Oh, okay! And our father is the immortal banker, Kakuzu. He's really scary at first, but you just have to get used to him. He's really nice but I like spending time with mother more._

Because mother loves you more than he does me and Kiro!

_No, he doesn't!_

Oh yeah? Remember that time, like, a week ago before we left for the games?

* * *

_"Who's my little Jashinist?" Hidan was currently carrying his daughter around teh house, tickling her at random times and getting the most adorable giggles from the girl. _

_"I love you, mother!" Kira giggled, grabbing onto her mother. Hidan laughed, _

_"I love my precious bundle of joy more~!" _

_"Earth to Hidan, you have two more kids that you haven't even said 'hello' to __**all day**__!!" Kakuzu growled as he walked into the living room and saw the albino completely ignoring the two boys. _

* * *

**Kire, calm down! Anyway, since we are the children of Akatsuki members, we live in the Akatsuki headquarters in Kirigakure. Hm... That's all I can tell you because the rest is classified information. I might be willing to divulge some of such information, however, if you can pay the release fee. And then there's the matter of the taxes, and the excess fees, and... **

Oh, shut up!

_But he doesn't need to tell anyone anything else. The Akatsuki is our family and we'll love them all until the day they die._

**True.**

Especially Ongakuhana-chan, huh Kira?

_Wha--? No, no! Stop saying things like that!_

Oh, look! She's blushing! Isn't that cute?

_Stop it~!_

Ongaku and Kira...

Sitting in a tree... K-I-S-S…

Mwah-mwah-mwah! Ha ha!

_Shut up! Oh… I'll sacrifice you to Jashin-sama if you don't stop!_

Aw look, she's blushing!

**Kira, we're immortal, remember?**

_Oh, right…_

Um, maybe we should talk about our interests and stuff? I'll go for Kira. 'Ongakuhana, Jashin, Ongakuhana, Jashin…'

_Stop~!_

Anyway, I like hair. Don't ask me why, I just have something with hair.

And my interest is money. How to get it, how much of it I have, and how to get more.

A boy after Dad's heart…

* * *

Later on in the morning, the triplets walked downstairs. Almost immediately, Kira went to the table where Ongakuhana was currently poking the cage of a parrot that Tobi had just dropped off.

Kiro and Kire sat at the table next to Mizuki, the boy already reading the newspaper. Alexandr was also there. Kiro looked over and asked, "Can I get the Finance page if you're done with it?"

"And could I have world news?" Alexandr turned his head and asked. Mizuki sighed before separating the newspaper into the desired sections.

"Thank you." Kiro and Alexandr muttered.

* * *

Our average days consist of lessons and missions… So this is actually a pretty welcome break.

You can say that again!

_Mm-hm!_

I just hope that none of the ukes spend too much money.

_Kiro…_

One track mind, I swear. It's either that or pretty women.

And what's wrong with pretty women?

Remember the time we had the mission at the amusement park?

_Oh boy…_

* * *

_Kiro, like the little ninja kid that he is, snuck into a banquet-hall at an amusement park that was having a model-convention. After a bunch of women cooing about how cute he was, Kiro smirked before he pulled out a pen and 'dropped' the pen underneath the table. _

_He crawled under and, as he got free peeks at all the women's legs and underwear, called out, "Oh where, oh where is that pen? It is a most illusive pen…"_

* * *

Remember?

…I plead the fifth on that.

_Oh…_

* * *

Eventually, Princess Peach and Princess Daisy came into the room in order to keep an eye on the kids. She frowned when she saw Kiro but Kire had keyed in on one detail: Daisy's auburn hair.

"Oh my God, you have such beautiful hair! Can I touch it?" He ran over and asked.

"Um, sure, I guess?", Daisy answered, kneeling down a bit so the boy could reach. Kire let his fingers run through the auburn locks before there was a snipping noise. Everyone gasped as they saw that Kire had cut off some of Daisy's hair.

"YOU LITTLE BASTARD!!" Daisy's roars could be heard all the way to the Crown Stadium.

* * *

A/N: Oh, those crazy immortal triplets… Kakuzu and Hidan _must_ have their hands full. Oh well, read, review, and read on!

FYI-

'Bold'-speech was Kiro…

'Regular'-speech was Kire…

_And 'Italic'-speech was Kira._

-Tyranno's girl. 


	25. Two Events for the Price of One!

**A/N: This chapter is two events in one because, well, the results are so short that neither of them would make a good chapter by themselves. **

**_To Sightlines- You know, I was thinking of doing that idea! But now it's just deciding on what routines that each team will do..._ **

**Disclaimer- I don't own anything~! But my ideas... **

* * *

_Who counts sheep? Cats are better..._

"Hello everyone." The commentator whispered to the audience. "The reson I'm whispering is because of today's competition. Which is… Da da da dahn!" She whispered before holding up a paper that read 'Who counts sheep?'. "It's a sleeping contest and currently we have Profesor Oak for Team Seme and Greece for Team Uke. Let's go in for a closer look…"

In the arena, half of the semes and half of the ukes were crowded behind the sleeping Pokémon Professor and the same went for the group behind the sleeping nation. "Sleep, Greece, sleep! Sleep, Greece, sleep!" Some of the ukes were whisper-cheering. However, some of the semes were trying their best to get Heracles to wake up, by means of pots and pans, yelling, and just acting stupid as a whole.

On Professor Oak's side, the semes were shoving the ukes away as they tried to wake the older man up.

_(Cue the voice from Spongebob) One hour later…_

The two were still sleeping…

_Two hours later…_

The two males were still asleep…

_Three hours later…_

Still sleeping…

_(Cue a new voice) So much later that the previous announcer-guy got tired and quit and they hired me as his replacement!_

"Um, Tracy?" Itachi asked the Pokémon watcher, "How deep of a sleeper is Professor Oak?" The olive-haired man huffed,

"One time I got nearly trampled to death by a pack of angry Tauros. I must have been screaming 'bloody-murder' for about an hour before I managed to limp back to the house. Turns out that the man didn't hear any of it because he was too busy taking his afternoon nap."

At that time, Kisame was asking Turkey the same question, only about Greece. "Well, ya see… I seriously think he either has a medical problem or has a stash of valium somewhere because this kid has slept through volcanoes and not even moved an inch!"

The competition was getting heated but everyone was getting kind of tired of watching the two sleep. So Tracy stood up and said, "There is _one _thing that gets him up though…" The young man walked near the professor and, after taking a breath, called over, "Professor! It's time for lunch!"

"It's time for what now?" Professor Oak shot up, looking around. All the semes glared at the older man, Russia sighing,

"You have got to be kidding me…"

**Team Seme- 200 **

**Team Uke- 150**

_A Test of Speed!_

"Ladies and gentleman!" The commentator announced. "This next event is one of racing and speed: A race!" The audience went quiet and someone shouted, 'Lame!' "Screw you! Anyway, the competitors in said race are to be, for Team Seme, Shadow, and for Team Uke, Sonic!"

Now the audience cheered as the two males moved to the track on the arena. "Come on Sonic, you can do this… You're the fastest thing alive, for God's sake!" Itachi muttered. Kisame was praying for Shadow to beat Sonic, while Kakuzu was making bets.

"I have Shadow to beat Sonic on good odds! Who wants in on this?"

After the bets were made and everyone was ready, Bayonetta stood up and, making sure that there weren't any birds or bird-Pokémon (damn you PETA) she shot her handgun into the air.

With three 'whooshing' noises, and streams of black, red, and blue, Shadow and Sonic had circled the arena three times.

Everyone was speechless.

"Um… Could we get an… instant replay?" Shuichi chuckled nervously.

---

Everyone was currently circled around a screen that used the same technology that was used to catch Sheik in the act ("You're never going to let me live that down, are you Link?" "Hell no!"). Seeing as how both Shadow and Sonic were capable of going faster than the speed of sound, they had to slow the video down by about 90 percent.

They replayed it. It seemed as though the two had been evenly matched during the first two laps… But then it all went to hell when…

"_Agh! ..Hating… this!"_

…Sonic tripped on a bug. But, you know, when you're going faster than the speed of sound, you have the time to pick yourself back up. But, for now…

"Team Seme wins!"

"Ha! Alright losers, pay up!" Kakuzu chuckled as he walked around collecting money from those on the losing side of the bet.

* * *

**A/N: **

**Team Seme- 250 **

**Team Uke- 150 **

**I know that it's short, but I have a good reason! No I don't… Well, actually… Look, here's the thing: **

**I was on spring break this week (finally!), but I had so much work to do that it was like, 'where the fuck did my break go?!' **

**Forgive me! Please don't abandon me~! **

**Please tell me what you thought and keep cheering on for your favorite teams… **

**-Tyranno's girl.**


	26. Ongakuhana

_Mizuki Hoshigaki falls from the ceiling and onto the floor. He groans softly before more children and some animals come. They all cheer, "The Seme-Uke Games: Children-Side!"_

---

_Spotlight on: Ongakuhana!_

The housing arrangement for the Seme-Uke Games was a bit odd. Seme Estate was on one side of the street, Uke Manor was on the other side. And next to the latter was a nice and comfy little bed-and-breakfast style house. It was in this house that the children of the competitors (along with their care-takers) were staying.

_5:30 AM_

Behind the house that the kids of the contestants of the Seme-Uke Games were staying, there was a small garden. It was a beautiful specimen of flowers and a small pool. Currently, if you were to go back there, you would have heard singing. It was from a young voice but it was still beautiful enough that a blue-bird was drawn to it.

The bird landed on a vibrant, green bush and began tweeting along with the singing. The voice was so entrancing that the blue-bird didn't even notice the bush rustling. Abruptly, green-tinted hand shot out of the bush and grabbed the small bird.

Frightened tweets and squawks could be heard, as well as the frantic flapping of wings before there was a chomping noise.

All was still.

There were a few more crunches before the bush rustled again. Out of it walked a young girl with green-tinted skin, bright orange eyes, long green hair with flower-buds in it, and a sharp, red smile. She giggled before coughing a bit, a blue feather fluttering from her mouth to the ground.

* * *

Hey! Hey~! Oh, are you listening? Good! Heh heh! My name's Ongakuhana and I'm five years-old! My Mama is Tobi Uchiha and he's a really good boy and my Papa is Zetsu. Papa's really handsome and good at hunting. I just don't like eating some of the things he does.

He eats people...

..I like birds.

Blue birds have a type of calm flavor, like blueberry pie. And doves (which are _so_ good, by the way) kind of taste like vanilla ice-cream, and...

Oh wait... I'm not talking about myself, am I? Whoops!

Um... I live with everyone in a big... mansion in Kirigakure! We are part of an evil organization called the Akatsuki that wants to take over the world and... Mm...

This is boring. I want to talk about my friends! All of the children of the Akatsuki are my friends. Me and Hun are really good friends because when my Papa wants me to eat some of his 'special' food, I can just sneak it to Hun and he'll eat it. He seems to like it well enough.

I'm on good terms with everyone else and... Um... Well...

My best, best friend is Kira-chan. She's _so_ pretty, with that pale skin and those cute magenta eyes. Not to mention that she always has her hair in those adorable pig-tails. So _kawaii_!

But, I think that anytime I try to get near her, she gets all scared because her face turns pink and she starts shivering... Like when we were on a mission together to get a map for Pein-sama (who really needs to cheer up)...

* * *

_"Two ice-creams, please!" Ongakuhana smiled as she walked up to the ice-cream vendor. The two girls were currently in a city by the name of Celadon and were trying to blend in with the locals before they snuck into the mayor's office. _

_"I'll have a chocolate-chip and-- Kira-chan!" The albino girl was sitting on the bench a while's away. She looked up, _

_"Hai?" _

_"What flavor do you want?" _

_"Oh, um..." Kira bit her lip a bit before stating, "Do they have cherry or strawberry?" _

_"They have both!" _

_"Oh, okay... Cherry then!" Ongakuhana placed the order and soon, after paying the ice-cream vendor, she walked over to the bench with two ice-cream cones. _

_"Here you go. Nothing more unnoticeable than two girls eating ice cream, right?" The plant-girl smiled. Kira took it, smiling, _

_"Thank you." _

_The two girls simply ate their ice cream in peace, trying to create an innocent enough facade before they went on towards their main goal. Rather, Ongakuhana happily ate her ice cream and Kira was watching her. The thing that seemed to draw Kira in the most were Ongakuhana's teeth. They were very sharp (she had seen them at work on more than one occasion) and very white despite all the stuff she ate. Kira was still in her thoughts when the green-haired girl looked over and stated, _

_"Ne... Kira-chan. Your ice cream's melting." Kira blinked out of her stupor and whined, _

_"Oh no! Wha? Wait a minute!", as she tried to salvage the mess. Ongakuhana giggled and took the hand that was holding the cherry ice cream cone. "What are you..?" 'Oh dear Jashin...' Kira's face darkened into a cherry blush as she saw what was happening. _

_Ongakuhana was slowly lapping the mess from Kira's sticky fingers, eyes closed as she let out simple sounds as she worked. Kira's face brightened even more and her heart started beating erratically. When she was done, Ongakuhana smiled at Kira. _

_"There! All better!" With a shudder, Kira fell over and passed out. "What?! Kira-chan, wake up! Oh man, we're going to be late for our mission time. What did I do wrong? I didn't mean to scare you Kira-chan! Kira-chan!"_

* * *

See what I mean? I must be some sort of a freak... And that's saying something when you're in the Akatsuki.

* * *

"Papa!" Ongakuhana cheered as she walked downstairs and saw her father in the main room. Zetsu smiled and caught his daughter as she jumped into his arms.

"My musical-flower... **Have they been taking care of you in here?**" The dark half of Zetsu asked. Ongakuhana merely giggled, used to her Papa's different sides.

"Hai! But where's Mama?" Zetsu sighed,

"Mama is... trying to appease the evil weasel-god so that he won't get his ears yelled off again."

* * *

"Run faster, damn it!" Itachi yelled before harshly blowing into a whistle as he forced all the ukes into running laps around Uke Manor.

"Ve... I don't know who's worse: Itachi or Doitsu!" N. Italy cried.

* * *

"Oh..." Ongakuhana hummed. "Okay! Did you bring me food?" Zetsu smiled and held up a bag, suspiciously dripping blood. The plant-girl took a sniff before whining,

"But I wanted _my_ food~!"

"**Ongakuhana... You have to learn how to eat both."** The darker-half of Zetsu stated. Soon, however, the fly-trap put his daughter down and said, "I'll be back to check up on you later after today's event... Okay?" Ongakuhana nodded and waved 'bye' as her papa left. When she was sure that he was gone, she called out,

"Hun!" The dog-boy immediately ran over, panting like a puppy. He had smelled the 'care-package' from the kitchen and was more than excited. "Here you go!" Ongakuhana tossed the bag to Hun, who quickly thanked her before digging into the bloody mess.

"Chew your food, Hun." Mizuki stated as he walked through the area to get the newspaper.

* * *

Sometimes I wish that me and Kira had a relationship like Hun and Mizuki. They don't have those awkward moments but you can tell that they care for each other. Maybe if I try a little harder...

* * *

After a while, Ongakuhana walked into the main room. And who should be in there, sitting on the couch, but the albino girl who she had been looking for. 'Don't blow this...' Ongakuhana thought as she slowly walked over. She sat down and spoke up, "Hi Kira-chan." The albino girl softly replied,

"Oh! Hi Ongakuhana. How are you?" The plant-girl smiled,

'So far, so good...', she thought before she tried hugging Kira and saying, "Come on! Let's go play outside; hide and seek like we always do!" It was at that moment that Kira's face turned red and she pulled away and ran off, saying,

"I, um... Have something to do! I'll see you later!"

When Ongakuhana was all alone, she sighed before walking to the backyard by herself.

* * *

I wish Kira wasn't so scared of me.


	27. Synchronized Dancing

**A/N: **

_**To Kirarabluefirecat- Of course I'm still taking ideas! And that idea seems awesome!**_

**Disclaimer- **

**TG- Satoshi Tajiri, although the American-version is kind of throwing it down the toilet, can I have some ownership to Pokémon? **

**Tajiri- No. **

**TG- Then I don't own anything but my thoughts. **

* * *

_There's Nothing as Manly as Synchronized Dancing…_

"Nein! Nein! Kisame, you are supposed to be here!" Germany barked out commands as he was preparing everyone for the next event. The judges had decided that a dance contest would fit best but there was a bit of a dispute on what sort of dance contest it should be. So there were going to be at least three throughout the competition (the need for fan-service was still a bit high...) and the first was a group song and dance-routine competition. Kisame was just about to walk towards the specified area when England asked,

"I thought that Kisame was the Captain of Team Seme?"

"I am! Look, I still have the banner that says 'Captain'!" Kisame chuckled and pointed to the banner on his head. "But the thing is, Germany has single-handedly organized the choreography to our song and dance-routine, so I'm letting him coach everyone."

"WHAT?!" Prussia yelled out, running over and complaining, "Why are you letting him coach our dance-routine?! I'm the more awesome sibling, I should do it!" Kisame waved a hand defensively, answering,

"Um, Gilbert... I just thought that--"

"That we would have a better chance of winning if we didn't place our hopes in the hands of an idiot who can't even realize that he has a bird in his hair." Ludwig huffed quietly, interrupting the shark. Kisame frowned,

"Hey, I did not think that! I simply thought that--"

"West!!" Prussia yelled before jumping on his older brother and beginning a flurry of punches in his stomach and head. Kisame sighed at the sight of the nation and the former nation fighting. He didn't say anything, though, he simply grabbed the directions from Germany's pocket when it came into view. Then he wondered aloud,

"I wonder how Itachi's doing?", before trying to get all the semes together for more practice.

* * *

"Lovino," Itachi began as they took a break from practice, "Are you sure that this routine will let us win? It seems pretty simple..." S. Italy huffed, stating,

"The routine is fool-proof, Itachi!" The team-captain was about to say something before Lovino muttered, "Shut up. Anyway, if not for the dancing, people will absolutely love the outfits!"

"If you say so, Lovino..." Itachi sighed before standing and calling out, "Alright! Start up the music and let's go through it again!"

* * *

The next day, at the Crown, everyone was ready to see some class-act dancing from both teams. From their family members... to their friends... and even the yaoi fangirls.

"Attention everyone!" The commentator began. "Today we have the first of our dance competitions! The group dance-routine contest!" After a round of cheers and whistles, the commentator continued, "First off we have Team Seme dancing to Ludwig Beilschmidt singing 'I Am German-Made'**(1)**!"

"Oh lord, they went with that song?" America sighed as all the ukes were seated. Everyone else was skeptic about how well the semes would perform (they weren't the most graceful bunch). All except Feliciano who gulped and asked,

"Ve... Did... Did they say that Doitsu would be singing?"

"Mm-hm." Itachi replied, causing a slight whine to escape the pasta-loving one's throat. A little known fact: Feliciano had a... weakness for Germany's voice. This explained half of the reason why N. Italy messed up so much during WWII **(2)**. Hearing the blonde's angry yells, especially when he would revert to German, was...

"Ve..." Feliciano groaned, trying to clear such thoughts from his head. The audience silenced themselves as they waited for the music to begin.

They didn't wait long before strong drumming could be heard. Then, the silhouettes of a group of men could be seen behind the curtain of the stage.

_"Eins, zwei, drei, vier, fünf!"_ A group of men called out. The sound of a blaring trumpet followed before the curtain separated, revealing--

"You've got to love a man in uniform!" Some random person yelled out. And, it was true, all the semes on stage were dressed up in military-garb (it looked like the German military-uniform, except it was blue). Standing at attention, the main group of semes (which included Kisame, Russia, Kakuzu, Spain, and Prussia) called out again,

_"Eins, zwei, drei, vier, fünf"_, before Germany walked through the curtain. In his hand he had a leather riding-crop, and his expression was calm but serious as he walked in front of the group. Then he sang,

_"Something akin to justice..."_ The semes barked out, "Of course!"

_"Or something akin to faith..."_ "Faith!"

_"Or something that's just like love..."_ "Love!"

_"Are things I always fight for!"_ After that lyric the semes pretended to slowly relax from their stoic stances, just to have Germany yell at them, hitting a few of them with the crop,

_"Pay attention, you idiots!! What are you doing!? Listen carefully!!"_ When the semes were back at attention, Ludwig started,

_"Polish up this room right now!"_ "What?!"

_"And don't whine about it!"_ "Come on!" At that, Germany held out the riding-crop and everyone silenced.

_"Protect the golden order!"_ "Of course!"

_"I am made in Germany!"_ Calmly dancing from side to side, Ludwig began again,

_"Black and red and yellow are our pride! _

_The passion of our hearts! _

_Read every word through the manual! _

_I won't allow any exceptions!"_ Ludwig stopped and, using the riding-crop like a conductor's baton, directed the semes behind him. Every way he pointed it, the semes would dance in that direction.

_"Einigkeit und Recht und Freiheit!",_ The dancing semes sang out.

_"I want to eat some wurst!"_ A picture of Germany and Prussia, both holding beer mugs, appeared on the screen behind them, _"With beer!" _

_"Einigkeit und Recht und Freiheit!" _

_"And I want to eat it with some mustard!"_ There was a bit more music before an organ joined in. More of the curtain peeled away, revealing Aster playing away at the large instrument.

_"Eins, zwei, drei, vier, fünf!"_ Then Link walked up before bringing a trumpet to his lips and playing for a moment.

_"Eins, zwei, drei, vier, fünf!"_ While the instruments were being played, Germany had moved over to where Stan, Kevin, Damien, Sasuke Christophe, and Ike were being forced to do push-ups. Ludwig gave a nod before stepping on Stan's back and singing, 

_"Straighten your back right now!"_ "OW!" 

_"Cut the air with your right hand!"_ "Excuse me?!"

_"And put it to your brow!"_ "Damn it!!" Germany jumped off of Ike's back and sang, 

_"I am made in Germany!"_ "I hate my friends..." Ike groaned out, back hurting from where the heavy German had stepped on it.

_"Hardship, endeavoring, and loyalty is our pride!"_ The semes in the main group started slowly dancing from side to side, much like Ludwig had earlier.

_"The standards of our mothers'! _

_Vacations are a waste of time!"_ "Wait, what?!" Spain did a double-take at that line. Germany huffed and began again, 

_"I won't allow any shortcuts!"_ Out went the riding-crop again and Ludwig directed his dancers, 

_"Einigkeit und Recht und Freiheit!" _

_"And I want to eat some potatoes too!" _

_"Einigkeit und Recht und Freiheit!" _

_"I want to eat them chopped up!"_ Link had a bit of a trumpet-solo for a moment while, the semes simply dancing to the music that blared from the brass instrument. Until Ludwig stopped everything and sang out,

_"Give me a full cry perfectly!"_ The semes all cried out.

_"Advance over any obstacle!"_ "Of course!" Then Prussia ran over and gave Ludwig a type of high-five before they both sang,

_"Hail to the German blood!"_ "I don't think so..." Russia and Spain shook their heads. Germany shooed Prussia back to the line before everyone began dancing, the blonde nation singing,

_"A noble green line is our pride!"_ "Why green?" Kisame asked.

_"The water's surface of our fathers'!"_ "Your water's green?" The shark raised an eyebrow amidst his dancing. "Shut up and dance!!" Ludwig yelled before adding, 

_"I hold a strict doctrine absolutely!_ "Ain't that the truth?" Prussia chuckled. Germany gritted out, 

_I won't allow any compromise!"_

_"Einigkeit und Recht und Freiheit!", _The group of dancing semes sang out. Germany added,

_"I really want to eat some wurst!" _That same picture of the brother nations showed up,_ "With beer!"_

_"Einigkeit und Recht und Freiheit!!" _

_"And, of course, you to have mustard."_ The other semes repeated the "_Einigkeit und Recht und Freiheit_"-part, a bit softer, as Ludwig stated,

_"Listen up! No matter what happens on the battlefield don't lose focus!"_ The blonde saw Kisame chewing on something and he yelled, 

_"Quit eating!"_ He then saw Spain starting to fall asleep on his feet, 

_"Quit slacking off!"_ Germany turned towards the audience and called out, 

_"Hold on to your pride and endure! That's all!"_ There was the sound of lone drumming before all the semes called out, _"That's all!!"_

* * *

"Next up, we have Team Uke dancing to Lovino Vargas singing..." The commentator blinked at her paper and asked, "'The Delicious Tomato Song'**(3)**?" She shrugged her shoulders as everyone began clapping before they silenced again. There was the sound of rhythmic clapping before S. Italy jumped out from behind the curtain. The nation was dressed in a red shirt with ruffled, green sleeves and flowing red pants that had green trimming at the ends.

Lovino looked at the audience while the clapping noise was replaced by the sounds of heels hitting the wooden floor of the stage. He smirked before stating,

_"Hey, Spain! We were able to harvest a hell of a lot of tomatoes again this year..."_

"Hi Lovi~!" Antonio called out lovingly. Right before S. Italy huffed, 

_"...Jackass!"_ There was light from behind the curtain that caused the shadows of, what appeared to be, women dressed in lovely dresses and tapping their heels against the floor. Lovino sang out, __

"Buono tomato, buono!  
Tomato buono buono, ooh! Tomato!  
Red on the bottom and green on the top, tomato-mato-mato! Hmph!" The sound of a flute could be heard as Lovino danced around the stage for a moment. __

"There are tomatoes in my pasta!" He literally brought out a plate of pasta (laws of hammer-space**(4)**, anyone?) before tossing it to the side.

_"And tomatoes in my pizza!"_ Lovino brought out a pizza from nowhere before tossing it away. He then pulled out a tomato and hugged it, singing,

_"My charming red tesoro, how I love tomatoes!"_ He carefully placed the red fruit in his pocket before sighing,__

"But... Wurst and potatoes are heretical things!" On the screen behind him, a video rolls of Lovino looking through a picture-album.

_"My brother eats them and just gets more and more macho!"_ In the video, Lovino growls before taking a sharpie and blacking out Ludwig's face. The real Lovino frowned,

_"What is a Napolitan doing with Japanese cooking, you traitor!!"_ In the audience, a gelato-vendor was conversing with a girl selling mochi. Lovino walked for a bit before a picture of France appeared on the screen and he screamed,__

"AAAH! IT'S FRANCE! PROTECT ME, GOD DAMN BASTARD!!" Lovino looked around and groaned,

_"Don't leave me alone with that sonava bitch..."_ At that moment, a lot of the semes had to either look away for risk of nose-bleeds or take the opportunity to take pictures. For in that moment, the curtain opened and a group of the ukes surrounded Lovino; they were all clad in gorgeous red and green dresses, looking just lovely. Especially their team-captain. Lovino and the rest of the ukes sang out, __

"I'll give you another one!  
I'll give you a beautiful one!  
Eat a delicious tomato and come dance with me!" 

_"Amore!"_ Lovino called out as a picture of himself and Feliciano showed up on the screen. Everyone got out tomatoes of their own and danced,__

"Buono tomato, buono!  
Tomato buono buono, ooh! Tomato!  
Ci vediamo! Ah, Romano! I'm South Italy!" As the ukes danced around him, Lovino rubbed his stomach, whining,__

"Aaah.... I'm starving! But this isn't close to over, oh hell..." Despite his hunger, he sang and danced on,__

"Buono tomato, buono!  
Tomato buono buono, ooh! Tomato!  
Red on the top and green on the bottom, tomato-mato-mato! Hmph!" A picture of Spain bring Lovino a basket of tomatoes popped up, __

"Spain, he brought some!  
He brought some from America!" Said country waved at the audience when his name was mentioned. _  
"My country's national tesoro, how I love tomatoes!"_ Lovino sighed, __

"But... This isn't just for reciting words of love!  
The wine glass in his hand is always twinkling and twinkling!" There was another video of Lovino looking through the photo-album. His eyes landed on a picture of Spain and himself when he was younger.

_"And when I was an adorable kid back-when I was ignored, that dick!"_ In the video, Lovino took the sharpie and blackened out Antonio's face. Then it went to a video from during WWII and it showed Lovino fixing up the roof of his house after it had been attacked.

_"AAAAAAAAAH! God DAMN IT! I'm always the one being targeted!"_ Lovino sighed and held onto his arm,

_"Spain, you bastard, come rescue me already...!"_ After that, everyone got out their tomatoes and began dancing as S. Italy sang, __

"Buono tomato, buono!  
Tomato buono buono, ooh! Tomato!  
The Mediterranean Sea too! O sole mio!

I'm South Italy!" The flute played again, and it was revealed to be our favorite ninja-- err-- Sheikaih, Sheik. Feliciano was also playing his acoustic-guitar along with the honey-blonde as everyone danced around Lovino. The music came to a slow when Lovino walked towards the center of the stage and sang,

_"I may not be useful with the chores...  
And my brother may be better with art and trade...  
And sometimes I may be as dumb as a bird..."_ As he sang this, Lovino actually began tearing up. __

"But I...! But I can still...!!" He gritted his teeth before yelling, _"CHIGIIIIIIII---!!!"_ The nation wiped away his tears before everyone came together and he sang, __

"Buono tomato, buono!  
Tomato buono buono, ooh! Tomato!" They followed,

_"Buono tomato, buono! Tomato buono buono, ooh! Tomato!"_

"Buono tomato, buono!  
Tomato buono buono, OOH! TOMATO!"

_"Buono tomato, buono! Tomato buono buono, ooh! Tomato!"_

"Uno! Due! Tre! Dai!  
I'll give you another one!  
I'll give you a beautiful one!" Lovino smiled as they all danced, singing, __

"Eat a delicious tomato and come dance with me!" Another picture of the Italian brothers appeared on screen and Lovino called out,_ "Amore!",_ they all got out their tomatoes and sang while dancing,__

"Buono tomato, buono!  
Tomato buono buono, ooh! Tomato!  
Ci vediamo! Ah, Romano! I'm South Italy!"

* * *

"Alright then, that was fun, wasn't it?" The commentator asked the audience. "Now let's see what the judges thought about the semes' performance." Everyone regarded the judges table. Sweden was simply standing behind Finland, so the number of judges had gone back to three. Finland began,

"That was so much fun! Good job guys!" Shuichi added,

"Yeah, dogs! You did your thing!" Finally, it was Bayonetta's turn. The witch folded her arms over her chest and took a relaxing breath before stating to the other two judges,

"You two are idiots." **(5)**Then she spoke to Team Seme, "That had to be, bar none, the most awkward thing I have ever seen in my entire life. And I used to live in a fucking convent."

"What was wrong with it?!" Ludwig demanded. The witch simply replied,

"You semes just aren't graceful. I mean, Kisame has potential--"

"Thank you!"

"--But the rest of you... Your voice is good, Germany. Just... Eh... It just wasn't that good." The semes sat down, some of them crying at the scathing comments. Team Uke went up and Finland spoke,

"That was so much fun! Good job guys!" Shuichi added,

"Yeah, dogs! You did your thing!"

"Um..." All the ukes sweat-dropped.

"Didn't you guys... just say that, eh?" Canada asked. Bayonetta shook her head,

"They're idiots, don't mind them.", then she added, "I liked the whole festive theme, but, for a second there, the dresses threw me off. Especially France and-- Would you cover up your legs, damn it?!" Bayonetta roared out, taking a shot at the romantic nation.

"Ah, mon Dieu!" Francis cried out as the bullet just barely missed him.

"As I was saying: You guys did a good job, but now we have to elaborate." Just as the judges turned and began to converse amongst themselves, Prussia chuckled,

"She's such a cold-hearted bitch. Like a female Simon Cowell."

"Team Uke wins." Bayonetta announced, eyebrow twitching.

"DAMN IT ALL, GILBERT!!!" The semes yelled as the ukes cheered for their victory. Amongst all the cheering and anguish, Feliciano (face blushing) had gone over to the seme-side, gotten Ludwig, and found a nice, secluded utility-closet to...

Well, you know...

* * *

**A/N: **

**Team Seme- 250 **

**Team Uke- 200 **

**( 1 ) 'I Am German-Made' is one of the aweseom songs by Germany on his character CD. **

**( 2 ) Yeah… Around the ****Hetalia**** section of the site, there's a trend of N. Italy getting off on Germany's voice. I… kind of like it. **

**( 3 ) 'The Delicious Tomato Song' is S. Italy's image song from his and N. Italy's character CD. **

**( 4 ) Apparently, the rule that allows the nation characters to have that random ability to pull things out of nowhere is called 'The Law of Hammer-space'. **

**( 5 ) If no one noticed, when I thought of these three as judges, I was going for the 'American Idol' type of formula. Can anyone guess who's who? **

**Oh well, that's this week's update! Please review and keep cheering! **

**-Tyranno's girl. **


	28. Saso Azumoji

**A/N: You guys, I tried to have the Karaoke-challenge done this week. But my Mom had me doing so much crap for her car these past few days that it completely swamped me over. * sigh * But here are two new 'Children-Side' installments. I had no idea these were so popular... **

**Disclaimer- I don't own anything... But my thoughts. Patent pending. **

_Mizuki Hoshigaki falls from the ceiling and onto the floor. He groans softly before more children and some animals come. They all cheer, "The Seme-Uke Games: Children-Side!"_

_Spotlight on: Saso Azumoji!_

The housing arrangement for the Seme-Uke Games was a bit odd. Seme Estate was on one side of the street, Uke Manor was on the other side. And next to the latter was a nice and comfy little bed-and-breakfast style house. It was in this house that the children of the competitors (along with their care-takers) were staying.

_8:00 AM_

"Now Midori-san, ano sa..." A small voice spoke up in the center of a certain room. The room's walls were decorated in colorful, quickly-drawn posters and the dresser was covered in dolls. On the bed, there was a small circle of dolls and one of them looked all too life-like with his medium-length, blonde, blue-tinged hair and his aquamarine eyes… He picked up a small tea cup from the tea set that was in the center of the group. He wasn't a doll. The blonde boy pretended to take a sip of tea before speaking to the girl doll that had a green dress. "Midori-san, don't you like your tea? I bought this blend just for you."

The doll, of course, didn't reply.

"Oh, you have stomachache, ano sa? Why didn't you tell me? I could have gotten some medicine or something—Hm?" The blonde looked at a boy doll that had a blue suit. "Oh, now don't be mean. Surely she was having so much fun and forgot to mention it, ano sa…" The blonde took another 'sip' of tea before turning to a girl doll in a red kimono. "Yes, it does look like it will be a nice day today…"

* * *

Oh, hello. My name is Saso Azumoji. I'm four and a half years old and my mom is the artistic Deidara Azumoji. My Dad… Well, I'm not allowed to say… But I can tell you that it isn't Sasori Akasuna, ano sa. Why? Look at the facts!

Sasori has red hair…

My mom has blonde hair…

My hair has always been blonde with tinges of blue, ano sa! So, if you look at a standard genealogy chart and insert these factors, you can see that the ultimate conclusion we can come to is that Sasori Akasuna did not sire me.

Hm? Oh, I bet you're wondering where all of that scientific stuff came from just now. Well, truth be told (and not to brag or anything) but I'm the smartest child of the Akatsuki, ano sa. Some people actually say I'm one of the most intelligent minds in the world and I'm still only five.

But, enough of those matters…

As you all have, probably heard, my family is basically the Akatsuki, as random as they all are… But I guess I still love them, ano sa. I think… As for friends, I hang out with the other Akatsuki children but I'm usually seen talking and playing with the dolls.

Now, some might think that they were all a present from Sasori, well this isn't the case. It is a huge chest of dolls that I bring everywhere with me and Sasori may have given me some but my birth father gave me the rest, ano sa. The main chest arrived one day on my third birthday with a card full of money… and bottle-caps.

I guess my birth-father likes bottle-caps.

* * *

Saso finished putting away the last of his friends and decided to grab a book before heading downstairs for breakfast. As he looked around, he soon saw Mizuki sitting on the couch and playing with Hun's ears as they watched TV. The blonde walked over and sat down before he spoke, "Good morning, ano sa."

"Good morning." Mizuki replied in the same, almost monotone matter. But Hun broke the calm and barked out,

"Hi Saso! What's up?" Saso frowned before looking up and saying,

"The ceiling… some cobwebs… spaghetti… and a kunai or two, ano sa…" Hun whined out,

"You two are always so serious! You're going to get all wrinkly…" before sitting back down and letting Mizuki play with his ears some more. Saso simply took the remote and changed to a channel that was showing a special on the Renaissance.

* * *

People tend to think I'm strange for keeping to myself and the dolls most of the time. But, if you listen closely, they have a lot to say. I think that's the reason I'm so smart.

I actually tend to listen, ano sa.

"Hm…" Saso walked off into the kitchen after a while and began to make himself something to eat. The princesses seemed to be _far _too busy on FaceBook, so Saso had to fend for himself. Like most of the time…

* * *

_One day, back at the mansion in Kirigakure, the whole house was a bit frantic. Pein had assigned half of the organization and Kisame still had to go to the Kirigakuran Political Office for business. Amongst all the chaos, Saso calmly walked into the kitchen, found his mom and tugged on his sleeve, asking, _

"_Mom, can you make me breakfast, ano sa?" Deidara looked down from doing his hair and nodded, _

"_Oh, sure, un. Just let Mommy finish with his hair, okay?" Saso nodded and sat down at the table. The small blonde hadn't been assigned on any missions today (Pein had one for him to start tomorrow) so he just wanted to relax and eat breakfast. _

"_Akatsuki!!" Pein roared from his office upstairs, "Why haven't most of you left yet?! I can still sense your guys' chakra!!" Deidara yelped before grabbing his travel-pack and heading out the door, with a, _

"_I'm going already, un!!" A few minutes later, the house was empty. Saso observed the scene with a sigh before jumping down from the chair and going to the refrigerator. He picked out a carton of eggs, some milk, and some jam and set them on the counter. He went to the pantry and got out some flour and syrup and set them on the counter before he dug into one of the drawers and pulled out a cookbook. _

_The young blonde, carefully taking each and every step into account, slowly began to cook and, a half an hour later, he had a large plate of scrumptious looking pancakes. Along with some nice lemonade. _

"_Itadakimasu." He clapped his hands together before beginning to eat. _

* * *

Not that being by myself is a bother, sometimes I find it better to do work on my own. Like missions. I hate being teamed up with someone because they always have to put their own two-cents in when they don't even know what's best, ano sa…

* * *

_Kiro and Saso were trekking through a thick forest, trying to find some rare salamander for Pein. It was raining heavily and almost getting hard to see. Soon, however, both boys found their way to a bridge. Kiro immediately brought out a map, looked through it, and said, _

"_We should cross as soon as possible, I don't think my Dad wants to pay for a new set of clothes for me… Not that I would either…" Saso, on the other hand, looked at the bridge. The long, narrow, creaky, ancient bridge, before he calculated, _

"_It won't support both of us. We have to cross one at a time." Kiro frowned, _

"_That will take too much time. Come on!" The brunette grabbed the blonde's arm began dragging him across the creaky bridge, despite Saso's protests. _

_A few minutes later, just like Saso predicted, there was loud creaking before the bridge snapped in two, sending the boys into a river of frigid, cold water._

* * *

People just never listen, ano sa.

Saso had just finished making himself some French Toast and was grabbing the powdered sugar and syrup from the pantry. He had set the table, making it look all nice and fancy. But it wasn't perfect, not yet.

The blonde took out a ruler and made sure that everything was perfectly proportioned before he smiled and sat down.

"Itadakimasu."

* * *

**A/N: **

**( 1 ) 'Ano sa' roughly means 'You know?' I think it's cute that Saso says this while Deidara says 'Un'. **

**And, alas, I can't reveal who Saso's father is just yet. (Though, if you pay attention, I gave a hint. Two in fact…) **

**Anyway, please read on and review… **

**-Tyranno's girl. **


	29. Ethan Beilschmidt

_Mizuki Hoshigaki falls from the ceiling and onto the floor. He groans softly before more children and some animals come. They all cheer, "The Seme-Uke Games: Children-Side!"_

_Spotlight on: Ethan Beilschmidt!_

The housing arrangement for the Seme-Uke Games was a bit odd. Seme Estate was on one side of the street, Uke Manor was on the other side. And next to the latter was a nice and comfy little bed-and-breakfast style house. It was in this house that the children of the competitors (along with their care-takers) were staying.

_7:30 AM_

In the house, there was a room that was, well, pretty simple. A dresser, a bed, etc... But, what was different was the large stand in the center of the room where a large red and black bird was resting. However, when the sun broke into the room, the bird woke up. She cooed a bit before spreading he impressive wings, flapping them a few times before she flew towards the bed. She landed carefully just above the head of the young boy who was sleeping there. He had wavy blonde hair that almost made him look like a girl and was sleeping very soundly.

The bird nudged her beak against the boy's head until he murmured, "7:30 already, eh? Hm, okay…" The boy sat up and yawned, stretching out his arms before opening up drowsy, red eyes. Squinting for a moment, he moved his hand underneath the pillow and found his glasses before he put them on.

The bird cooed approvingly before tilting her head towards the bathroom. "Mm-hm. I'll get ready; just wait a moment, okay?" The boy brought the bird's head close to his and they rubbed together a bit before he jumped off of the bed and went into the bathroom.

* * *

Guten Morgen and Bonjour, eh! My name is Ethan Beilschmidt and I'm four years old—Wait a moment, I'm right here!

…

No, over here!

…

Ugh!! Here, right in front of you, eh! I really hate that! Me and my mom, Matthew Williams (also known as Canada), always get unnoticed by people. Please don't tell me you don't know where Canada is…

Any who, Canada's my mom and my Dad is Gilbert Beilschmidt (also known as Prussia, or 'that country that doesn't exist anymore', or 'The Awesomeness Known as Prussia').

I love my family (which is just big enough) more than anything—Oh! I almost forgot! This (points to the big red and black bird that is resting on his shoulders) is Donner. She's a thunder-bird and she's my best friend. She's also the only one who notices me sometimes, even when my mom forgets.

Like when we went to visit my Aunt America (You know, Alfred F. Jones) and we all went to the La Brea Tar Pits in California…

* * *

_The two nations (America and Canada) and Ethan (along with Donner) were walking around the national park when, out of nowhere, a golf-cart came and knocked Ethan into one of the pits. The poor boy was panicking and screaming, the noise not being heard by anyone except for Donner. _

_The poor bird was squawking and beating her wings for all she was worth, trying to get the attention of the two brothers who were a few feet away. After a moment, she realized that they weren't going to answer and she flew over to the pit. Digging her talons into the muck, she successfully pulled the blonde boy out and managed to get him standing on regular land. _

_As they were both recovering, another golf-cart came and knocked Ethan right back into the pit. Donner sighed before going back in to rescue him._

* * *

I love Donner… You know, I found her when she was just an egg left in the vast snow-banks of the forest behind our house. I didn't know much about taking care of birds (I was only two when I found her!) but luckily Gilbird (you know, the fluffy, yellow chick that's always in my Dad's hair?) knew how to take care of the egg and Kumajiro-san (I don't know why my Mom can't remember his name) kept the egg warm until it hatched.

Yes, apparently Gilbird is a _Girlbird_. Ha ha, see what I did there, eh?

…

Wait, no! Don't leave yet!

Eventually, Ethan made an attempt to venture out of his room. There was a secret menace lurking in this house, he could sense its presence. Both he and Donner looked from one side… then the other before deeming it safe and walking into the hall.

They didn't even make it six steps before Ethan stiffened and felt the heavy breathing on his back. Gulping heavily, Ethan and Donner turned to see Boris the bear standing behind them, Alexandr on his back. Alexandr looked down before stating, "Hi.", and the bear gave chase.

Waah~! My cousin Alexandr is _so_ evil! I don't know what it is but he and Uncle Russia are so mean to me and my Dad~! Like when I got to go to one of the World Conferences…

* * *

_Ethan is walking around the scenic area of the building that the World Conference is being held, making sure to keep a wary eye out for anything bad. _

_Out of nowhere, Alexandr walked by and shoved him into the pool before trying to freeze it over with a can of CO2. _

* * *

And at our family reunion…

* * *

_A few of the nations (as in Russia, America, Prussia, Canada, Germany, N. Italy, Spain, S. Italy, England, and France) decided to have a bit of a party one day. As things were going along smoothly, if you had walked by the refreshment table, you would have seen Alexandr covering a tied-up Ethan in cake and icing so Boris would eat him..._

* * *

And even on my birthday, eh!

* * *

_On Ethan's last birthday, America had pulled some strings with Mexico and gotten the shy boy a piñata. Unfortunately, when it was Alexandr's turn to swing, he went straight towards Ethan and began to try and knock the candy out of him…_

* * *

I don't know what it is… Donner, am I _that _unlikable? (Donner tries her best attempt at a hug with her wings) Aw, you're sweet, eh…

Let me tell you about my family before my time runs out. Pépé France seems kind enough, even though sometimes it borders on overly affectionate…

Grandpa England is fine too… He just gets _so _angry sometimes… And those eyebrows… I think they need to be cut, but don't tell him I said that!!

Onkel Germany is nice. He always talks about wanting to take care of me for a while so I don't turn out like my Dad. But he's not that bad, right?

…

Right?

Hm… Zia Feliciano and Zia Lovino are really good at cooking and music and art and stuff like that, eh. If I was going to go to school away from home, I would probably want to go with them, despite Zia Lovino's temper…

Tío Spain is really funny! I don't know why but when he, my Dad, and France get together, things just get crazy!

And Uncle Cuba… Uncle Cuba tends to confuse me for Alexandr some times. I don't how!! I'm a thousand times saner and nicer!! But at least when he does remember who I am, he's nice.

* * *

"Um Gottes Willen! (For God's sake!) Leave me and Donner alone~!" Ethan sobbed as he and Donner ran down the hallway away from his crazy cousin. The blonde managed to make it outside where it seemed peaceful enough. "Remercier Dieu..." The small blonde sighed as Donner let go of him and flapped around for a moment.

Out of nowhere, Alexandr walked up and shoved him into the nearby pool.

* * *

**A/N: **

**Oh, poor Ethan… So cute yet so unnoticeable and torturable… **

**But still, please review. I'm hoping to get the karaoke challenge up next week, but reviews and comments make me happy and a happy authoress equals more good randomness… **

**Thank you for reading! **

**-Tyranno's girl. **


	30. Author's Note 2

**A/N: This is getting ridiculous! My flash-drive (you know, the nifty little stroage device that I have all my work, stories, pictures, and fanfics on?) decided that this week it needed to be formatted. So, I basically had to go through my computer and put everything back into it one by one. But some things (like the most recent chapters of 'The Seme-Uke Games') got lost. So I now have to re-type those. Shit... **

**I'm sorry for this guys. But you know what this means, right? Double post next time around! Yay?**

**Sorry again... **

**-Tyranno's girl.**


	31. Let's Get Ready!

Kisame walked into the main room of Seme Estate, hoping to find someone to talk to but blinking in confusion when he saw everyone crowded into the hallway outside the main room. The shark walked over to Nokoru and Russia before asking,

"What are we all looking at? Is that pizza delivery-girl who doesn't know what a bra is back again?" Nokoru replied,

"No... Sadly. What we have here is a much more... chilling problem." Kisame groaned, looking to Russia,

"You have to be kidding me! He's still here?" The shark looked into the main room and saw, who else but that ruler of the cold, General Winter. The General was sitting on one of the couches and watching the TV while drinking a bottle of vodka.

"He never left!" Ivan groaned, "I even went through all the trouble of reserving a nice hotel for him. _Far away from here!_" The last line was directed directly towards his father. At that moment, the General looked over and stated,

"You all are _horrible_ at eavesdropping. You are realizing that, da?" Everyone groaned and went off in search for warmer clothing, seeing as how General Winter's presence made everything at least thirty degrees cooler. Kisame gulped a bit before walking over and speaking,

"Not that I would do anything as rude as ask you why the hell are you here but, um... Why the _hell_ are you here?" The General simply scoffed,

"Because I can be." Kisame, Nokoru, and Russia groaned. Afterwards, General Russia looked towards his son and asked,

"Do you remember that time when you were all thinking that I was dead?" General Winter asked. Ivan thought for a second.

_"Oh when the saints! Go marching in! Oh when the saints go marching in~!" Both he and Alfred were singing as they danced on the General's grave_.

"Heh heh heh..." Russia chuckled at the memory. At least before General Winter continued,

"And are you all remembering the will that I was leaving?" Russia's mirth quickly vanished.

"Oh God..."

* * *

The day that everyone heard that General Winter died... it was a sad, gloomy... Well, it was actually one of the few sunny days in Russia at the nation's mansion. In the main parlor, Russia, America, Ukraine, Georgia (the country, not the state), Belarus, Estonia, Latvia, Lithuania, Poland, Alexandr, Boris, and an old woman were sitting and waiting for the largest nation to begin speaking. Russia cleared his throat before stating, "As Winter's eldest son, I have been empowered to read our father's last will and testament." America tugged on his shoulder, saying,

"Russia, could you get on with this? I don't wanna be late for the movies!" Ukraine cried out, tears gathering at her eyes,

"Oh, our poor father! Waah~!" Georgia pats the well-endowed woman on her shoulder, the man sighing,

"Now, now, my dearest..." Latvia shivered, looking around like he was in a torture dungeon. He whined,

"Something bad's going to happen, I just know it..." Estonia pressed his glasses up and shook his head,

"Now quit being so pessimistic, Latvia."

"Like, how long is this going to be? Me and Liet, like, totally have a date!" Poland scoffed, flipping his blonde hair in that posh manner of his. Lithuania only sighed,

"Poland..." Belarus slammed a fist against the table and hissed,

"Quiet down, you idiots! My father just died and Big Brother is probably very upset about it." Alexandr, who was quietly sitting down with Boris at his side, looked to his father (who's entire being just seemed happier) before observing,

"He doesn't seem that upset..." The old woman in the room, wiped a tear from her eye,

"I never worked for a greater man..." Russia nodded before announcing,

"If we are all ready, I will proceed with the reading...", and reaching for something underneath the table. Latvia tried to run away, screaming,

"Ah! I knew it!"

"Raivis, calm down. I'm just getting the will out." Russia chuckled, unrolling the scroll of paper, "'I, General Winter, being of sound body and mind'-- Pff, that's a laugh-- 'Am here by dividing my considerable estate as follows: To Katyusha, my eldest, overly-emotional daughter and personification of the nation of Ukraine'--"

"Waah~!" Katyusha bawled. Georgia held her, whispering,

"Katyusha, darling, he's talking about us." Ukraine stopped her tears,

"Oh."

"--'Who grubbed with her no-good, wimpy husband Viktor, also known as the stupid, idiot, wimpy Georgia, grubbed for everything they could get from me and then cried the crocodile tears when I needed sympathy'...", Russia read on.

"What?" Katyusha and Viktor looked at each other, confused.

"'To Ukraine I leave...'" Russia raised an eyebrow, "'A boot to the head'?"

"A what?" SMACK! Out of nowhere a boot came and hit Ukraine in the face. "Ow!" Viktor panicked,

"Katyusha, my love, are you okay?" Russia wanted to check on his sister but he kept on reading,

"'And another boot for her wimpy fiancé Viktor'?"

SMACK! "Ow~!"

"Ha ha ha!" America laughed at the sight. Ukraine rubbed her face and cried,

"This is an outrage! Why is father doing this?" Ivan shook his head,

"Katyusha, I'm so sorry... Let's see... 'Ah, but you are still my eldest daughter... And you have both admired my mansion in Siberia for so long as a potential place to get married and since I no longer need it'--" Ukraine and Georgia hugged each other, the woman saying,

"Oh, Father Winter is such a kind man!" Russia read out,

"'As a small wedding gift, I bequeath... another boot to the head'?"

"What?" SMACK! "Ow!"

"Ha ha ha ha!" Both America and Poland were laughing out loud now.

"'And one more for the wimp'..."

SMACK! "Ow!" Viktor yelped as he was hit again. Russia sighed before reading,

"'To my precious, yet psychotic, youngest daughter Natalya, a.k.a. Belarus, I leave my finest sword'..."

"Hm..." Belarus nodded, approving of the decision. Russia groaned,

"...'And a boot to the head'!"

SMACK! "Aah!" Natalya literally fell from her chair at the force of the impact. Russia shook his head, continuing,

"Oh... 'Next, to my idiotic 'daughter-in-law''..." Immediately, Alfred held up his hands in defense,

"Um, for real though, I don't want no boot to the head!"

"'To dear Alfred, also known as stupid America', who was never more than annoying for his whole life..." The blonde 'hero' ducked underneath the table, calling out,

"Seriously, I'm coverin' up my head!"

"'I am leaving you and my son my alcohol-cellar and three cases of my finest vodka'... Really?" Russia blinked,

"Really?" America came out from his hiding place. Russia was actually about to smile before he read,

"... 'And a boot to the head'."

SMACK! "AH!", Alfred yelled as he was hit right in the nose.

"'And another for Katyusha and the wimp'?"

SMACK! "Ah!"

SMACK! "Ow!"

"'Next, to my pessimistic nephew Raivis, also known as puny Latvia'..."

"This is going to be so bad...", Latvia groaned. Russia read,

"'I leave a boot to the head'."

SMACK! "Wah! I knew it!" Raivis sobbed, holding his head.

"'And, again, one more for Katyusha and the stupid wimp'?"

SMACK! "Ack!"

SMACK! "Oof!"

"This is ridiculous..." Russia sighed, "'Next, for the practical Eduard, a.k.a Estonia, I leave a nice, new... boot to the head'."

SMACK! "Ah!" Estonia groaned, trying to pick up his glasses from the floor.

"For the timid Toris, weak Lithuania, and the annoying Feliks, obnoxious Poland'..." Poland chuckled nervously,

"Um, Liet, like, maybe we should go..."

"'I leave a beautiful, splendid wardrobe of my finest clothes'?" Russia read.

"Like, really?" Poland beamed, Toris lightened up a bit,

"That's so nice!" But then...

"..'And a boot to the head for each of you'!"

SMACK! "Wha?" Lithuania yelped.

SMACK! "Like, OW!" Poland whined.

"'And in the instance that Poland says 'Like' again, he shall receive another boot to the head'." And, exactly like the will said, another boot flew into Feliks's face.

SMACK! "OWCH!"

"'Now for my maid, Olga'..." Russia was nearing the end of the ill will, finally acknowledging the old woman in the room. After seeing all that had transpired in the meeting, however...

"Oh, now you don't have to give me anything!" She shook her head. Russia continued,

"'A wonderful woman who tended to me in my final days, who brought me tea and made my dinners'..." Olga smiled,

"I didn't really mind!"

"'To Mrs. Olga I leave'... Ugh... 'A boot to the head'." Russia groaned, the boot flying from nowhere into the old woman's face.

SMACK! "Oh!"

"'And one for Ukraine and the wimp'."

SMACK! "AH!"

SMACK! "OH!"

"'And to my grandson Alexandr's pet bear Boris, I leave my entire vast-- Boot to the head'?" Russia asked, "Even the damn bear?"

SMACK! The bear roared in pain.

"'And finally, to my first-born son Ivan Braginski... Also known as the nation of Russia and the usurper to my empire'-- Oh, get over it...-- 'I leave not a boot to the head, but a crate of his most favorite thing in the world to be dumped on him as soon as he finishes reading this sentence'?" In an instant, Ivan found himself covered up in a vast pile of snow and ice. "Cold-hearted bastard..." He dug himself out of the snow-bank and read, "But I leave my entire fortune to my grandson Alexandr so that, when he is old enough, he won't have to deal with any of you idiots'?"

"Thank you grandfather..." Alexandr nodded, happy with how the will turned out. All was quiet. America asked,

"Is that it?"

"That's it?" Viktor yelled

"No way!" Ukraine sobbed.

"Like, what a rip-off--" Poland exclaimed before-- SMACK! --"AH!"

"I don't believe it!" Raivis sobbed. Estonia readjusted his glasses with a,

"Such a shameful..."

"That's disgraceful!", Olga cried

"There's one more thing, actually." Russia found a new line of the will and read, "'If you would all be looking towards the doorway, you will be seeing...'" They all looked towards said door way and saw...

"GENERAL WINTER?" The frigid General walked into the room, the space getting twenty degrees colder, and spoke,

"Well, it seems that the only way that I can get all of you together is by faking my death." He chuckled without smiling, "Did you all honestly think that I could die?" Russia then began to almost sob,

"It was so close! Why? Why does God hate me, why~?" General Winter shook his head before he spoke,

"I am having one last thing for you all." Alfred jumped underneath the table, yelling,

"Cover your heads, y'all!" The General shook his head, saying,

"Come now, I am taking you all out to drink and be merry at one of the local bars." Immediately, everyone cheered up.

"Okay!"

"Like, I can go for that!" SMACK! "OW!" Once again, Poland was hit in the head by another boot. Alexandr had to ask,

"What's the name of the bar?", to which the General turned and stated,

"'Boot to the head'."

SMACK! "OH!"

SMACK! "OW!"

SMACK! "DAMN IT!"

SMACK! "LIKE, OW!"

SMACK! "ACK!"

SMACK! "FUCK!"

SMACK! "AGH!"

SMACK! "WAAH!"

SMACK! "OUCH!"

SMACK! "AAH!"

SMACK! "STOP!"

SMACK! "RRRR!"

* * *

"I am hating you so much. Why won't you die and leave me alone~?" Russia sobbed at the end of the tale. Kisame and Nokoru patted his shoulders.

"There, there." General Winter stood up and brought out a box,

"Come now, I am having a present for you!" Russia flinched.

"Um, no thank you."

"But it is good present, da?" The General hummed as he rummaged around in the box. Russia refused again but Kisame's curiosity got the best of him.

"If he doesn't want it, I'll take it!" He chimed. Then he thought, "Wait, what is it anyway?"

"Boot to the head."

SMACK! "OW~!" The shark groaned as he rubbed his face.

* * *

In Uke Manor, the ukes were getting ready for that evening's event. It was to be karaoke at one of Domino City's best Karaoke bars. Most of the ukes were already ready to go and were discussing what songs they were going to sing. Like Greece.

"Just so we're clear, I'm singing 'Dancing Queen' by ABBA. Is that understood?" The brunette sighed as he lazed about on the couch with his cats.

In Itachi's room, Itachi, America, and Ben were looking through each other's luggage to see if any of them had anything to where.

"Let's see..." Alfred began and smiled when he pulled out a pair of tight, black shorts from Ben's suitcase. "Who likes short-shorts? Ben likes short-shorts!"

"Give me those!" The brunette hero blushed and yanked the shorts back. "Those were a present from Kevin, although only God knows when the hell I'm going to ever wear them..." America huffed,

"Spoiled sport." From his spot at his dresser mirror, Itachi rolled his eyes, saying,

"Alfred, quit teasing the kid and find something to wear already." The weasel then went back to deciding what to do with his hair. "Maybe an up-do? No, I might end up looking like Deidara..."

_"Look Itachi! We're twinsies, un!"_

"Oh, God, no." Itachi tried seeing if he could do a quick set of curls when he saw Alfred and Ben fighting over a pair of his low-rider leather jeans. "Guys, cut it out!"

"But I want to wear them! They're sexy!" Alfred whined, tugging them from Ben. Itachi slammed his hair-brush and yelled,

"Damn it America, it's not like they'll even fit your fat ass anyhow!" All was quiet, making Itachi realize just what he had said. "Um, Alfred, what I meant to say was..."

"I'M NOT FAT~!" Alfred sobbed, bolting out of the room and to the kitchen (most likely to find some sympathy food).

"Damn it all America!" Itachi ran after the blonde nation.

* * *

England happened to be going through all of his suits in his room back at Seme Estate when his cell-phone rang. "Most likely that bloody Frog whining for something sex-related again..." He frowned. Arthur picked up the phone, seeing a blocked number, and answered anyway.

There was laughing on the other end before someone spoke, "Oi, is your bath-tub running?"

Arthur frowned, "No..? Wait, how the bloody hell am I supposed to know?" The voice laughed,

"Then you'd better go check then! Ha ha ha!" The phone clicked off. England groaned, whoever was calling him had a very lame sense of humor. Then, there was more laughter from outside his window. It sounded very... familiar. "Wait a moment..." He mused, opening the window and looking downstairs.

There he saw two males laughing themselves silly. One had long red hair, some of it hanging in a loose braid to the side, and was dressed in what could best be described as a combination of a Scottish clansman and a punk-rocker (the kilt around his waist was very impressive). The other had short hair that was a mixture of auburn and blonde, and was dressed in messy casual clothes, his goateed face smiling as he chuckled out, "What should we call him for next?" The other laughed,

"Who knows? It had better be a jolly, though!"

"Scotland! Ireland! You bloody gits, I can see you from my bedroom!" The two rambunxious nations looked up. Ireland (the auburn/blonde) gulped a bit and Scotland (the red-head) blinked a bit before saying,

"Oi, it's our little brother! Arthur, get on down 'ere so we can a good look at ye!" England scoffed out,

"Like a gentleman like me would be caught dead with the likes of you two, Paul and Richard!" Ireland (Richard) frowned,

"Now why are you acting like this all of a sudden? We just wanted to have a little bit of fun with our wee baby brother! And you know that I like to be called Rick, _Artie_!"

"Don't call me that, damn it!" Arthur was about to blow a gasket. How did his older brothers find him here? It was bad enough he had to deal with them _and_ France _and_ America _and_ Canada _and_ Australia _and_ even sometimes Nigeria (at least when child-support was due...) on a regular basis! Why now?

"Oi!" Scotland (Paul) called out, "Little brother! Let's go out for a drink then! I'm just about parched, I am!" Ireland nodded in agreement and Arthur shook his head,

"You idiots! I just got back on AA, I'm not about to let you two ruin all my hard-work towards my program and--"

"Blah, blah, blah, 'my program'!" Scotland mocked, "Quit pussyin' around and let's go get some ale!"

"I saw a good pub a few blocks down from here!" Ireland called up. Arthur groaned. His brothers were never going to leave him alone unless he said yes, so...

"Let me get dressed, drunken louts..."

* * *

Two hours later found the three brother nations at a counter in the Red Eyes Black Pub, and Arthur was downing his fifth gin-tonic-rum. After the blonde set the large, empty glass on the counter, he clutched onto Ireland's shoulder and groaned, "Our kids give us no respect, ya here me!"

"Really now?" Richard nodded, ordering a bottle of whiskey. England nodded,

"Just look at poor Kisame, the Team Seme Captain. Nice enough fellow, but his kid's a little bastard!"

* * *

One morning, Kisame had bought some things for Mizuki and Hun and had his dad help him deliver them. When they got into the house, Hun ran out and barked, "Hi Kisame! Hi Hoshigaki-sama!" Both sharks smiled before Nokoru handed the dog-like boy a large box. "Yay! Thank you, thank you!" Hun cheered before running to the couch and working on the wrapping paper of the box.

Mizuki, seeing that his friend had gotten something, went over to his father and opened his arms up silently. Kisame huffed, "Oh no... If you want this," He held the box up, just out of Mizuki's reach, "You're going to have to say the magic words."

Mizuki merely blinked before speaking up, "Baka-same."

"Ack!" Kisame jolted, not expecting that reaction, dropping the box. Mizuki picked it up with a silent nod of thanks. He passed his grandfather and murmured, "Baker-_er_ same." Nokoru wanted to take that boy over his knee _so_ badly..! But he gritted out a smile and said,

"_Okay... then..._"

* * *

"And me own first grandson, Alexandr..." England groaned just thinking about his half-Russian grandson. "Give me... a gin and rum washer with a white-wine chaser..." He told the bar-tender. "Alexandr is hell-spawn, I swear..."

"Now then, 'e can't be that bad!" Scotland sighed with a smile, two women sitting on his lap. Arthur huffed,

"Really now?"

* * *

America had the _bright_ idea that maybe if Alexandr got to know his other relatives, maybe he wouldn't feel so bad about not being at his Отец's house. They, of course, decided to visit England. "Alfred?" England asked as he opened the door, "What is it?" Alfred held Alexandr up and cooed,

"Say hi to Grandpa Iggy, Alexandr!" The snowy-haired boy simply stared daggers into the gentlemanly nation before giving a soft whistle. Immediately Boris, the boy's bear, ran over from the car and began mauling England to an inch within his life.

* * *

"I just wish people would give me a bloody break..." Arthur slurred out, dozing off on the counter. His brothers shook their heads.

"He really needs to learn how to hold his liquor..." Ireland huffed. Scotland smirked,

"Yup. But, oi brother! He's supposed to be doin' karaoke in a few minutes! Shouldn't we 'elp him out?" The two isles nodded and picked their drunken brother up before walking out of the bar.

* * *

**A/n: **

**The whole 'Boot to the Head' thing is actually a hilarious video on YouTube. You should go find it. **


	32. The Semes Take The Stage

**A/N: Thus, is the beginning of the highly requested karaoke challenge! Yay! This chapter shall be all of the semes and the next chapter shall be all of the ukes. I hope you have fun and I shall post up which songs I used at the end of each chapter. **

**Disclaimer- Tyranno's girl productions doesn't own anything except my thoughts. **

* * *

It was later on in the evening an everyone was taking their seats and their reserved tables in the main dining hall of the Croning Niwatori Karaoke bar. Well, the ukes were sitting down but the semes were worrying like a turkey on the day before Thanksgiving.

"Where the hell is England?" Kisame asked his team, just now realizing it had been surprisingly quiet without the nagging nation.

"Who gives a flying fuck? Let's just go on without him!" Prussia offered. Just as Kisame was about to say something along the lines of friendship and not leaving friends behind, the doors burst open.

Everyone looked on as three men swayed and nearly collapsed their ways towards the stage. "Um, England?" France called over. The drunk gentleman blinked for a moment before smirking,

"Hey look! It's my baby-mama! Hi!" The three drunks waved goofily as France sighed,

"Scotland, Ireland, you unfashionable brutes, what are you doing here?" England ignored the question and walked up to Kisame, saying,

"Oi, shark-bite! I'm going up first, okay? And I'm taking my _wonderful_ brothers with me... Got it?" Kisame frowned before replying,

"Are you sure that that's such a bright idea? I mean, no offense but, you're plastered. And what happened to your AA guideline?"

"Oh, fuck that shit!" Kisame blinked and realized that the three drunken nations were already on the stage. England grabbed a mic before calling over to Bayonetta and the other judges, "Hey! Hey, I'm ready to get this party rolling! Whoo!" After everyone sweat-dropped for a moment at Arthur's drunken antics, the commentator announced,

"Good evening everyone! Tonight's competition is titled," She brought up a piece of paper that read, "'Songbird: The Clash at the Karaoke Bar'! The members of both of our teams here will sing a song of their choosing on stage for us and when they're all done, the judges will try to decide who should win and--"

"Alright already, enough with your blabbering, Ms. Itty-Bitty Titty!" Ireland laughed out. The commentator blushed furiously, covering up her chest and walking away. Arthur was scrolling through the computer that had all the songs on it when Kisame and Russia walked over.

"Wow, you are really drunk off your ass, aren't you?" Ivan chuckled. Arthur simply stuck out his tongue before going back to his search.

"Um, Arthur? You're supposed to sing 'Always' by Erasure, remember?"

"Uh-uh!" The blonde shook his head before clicking on the song he wanted. "I know what song I wanted to sing and now I'm singing it!" He turned to his brothers and called out, "Come on, ya drunken louts!" All three of them walked to the middle of the stage before the screen besides them lit up and scrolled the words 'Tik Tok- The Midnight Beast Parody'.

"Oh dear God..." Sasuke groaned. The music started up and the lyrics started scrolling, Arthur following along with much enthusiasm.

_"Wake up in the mornin' _

_Feelin' like Winehouse!_

_Grab my breezer, _

_I'm out the door, I'm gonna be really loud! _

_'Cause I got a cat who I piss off, yeah,_

_I'm a real big sinner! _

_Sometimes I eat my dessert before my dinner! _

_Talkin' odd socks on my toes!"_ "Toes!" Scotland and Ireland called out.

_"Takin' off all my clothes!"_ Arthur, literally, took off all his clothes except for his boxers that had the British flag on them. "Clothes!" Then the blonde looked around and saw everyone's scandalized looks; and France taking pictures of him with his cell-phone.

_"Feelin' over-exposed, so I put back all of my clothes..."_ Ireland helped him out, saying, "Put those back on..."

_"Flush before I wee!"_ "Wee!"

_"Get arrested daily!"_ "-Ly!" Then Scotland took out a telescope out of nowhere and used it to look into the audience, singing,

_"Trying to get a look at some..."_ He smirked when his eye landed on Taiwan's chest. _"..Titties..."_ The woman yelped in shock, covering up her chest.

"Quit looking at my daughter, aru!" China yelled out, throwing a chair at the red-head. The three laughed before England sang,

_"I'm mad! Really bad! _

_But don't tell my mum and dad!"_ The blonde turned before adding,

_"Pucker up! Kiss my butt!"_ Both Ireland and Scotland pointed at the blonde's rear before Arthur turned,

_"'Cause I'm bloody fucking nuts! _

_Hear the bass! Skinny waist! _

_Now let's copy Poker Face lines!"_ The three brothers sang,

_"Whoa-oh-oh oh! Woah-oh-oh-oh!"_

* * *

"Um, okay?" The commentator gave a nervous smile as the three brothers sat down at the table where France was at when they were done. "Next up is Kisame, Team Captain of Team Seme!" The shark-like man walked up onto the stage and scrolled through the computer for a second before selecting his song. ''Oh, What A Night' by the Four Seasons' scrolled across the screen before the music started.

There were some cheers from Team Seme before Kisame even started singing. Then the lyrics started rolling and Kisame followed along,

_"Oh, what a night... _

_That late December, back in '63... _

_What a very special time for me... _

_As I remember, what a night..."_ There were some whoops from the audience as Kisame followed on,

_"Oh, what a night... _

_You know, I didn't even know her name... _

_But I was never gonna be the same... _

_What a lady, what a night..."_ Kisame looked into the audience and only flinched a little when he saw the dark aura growing around Itachi.

* * *

Sasuke was scrolling through the songs, remembering what the judges had told him ("No emo-crap!"). He chose a song that he deemed good enough and when the words ''Fer Sure' by Medic Droid scrolled across the screen, he got ready. The music started before the lyrics,

_"Fer sure, maybe! _

_Fer sure, not! _

_Fer sure, eh! _

_Fer sure, -Bomb! _

_Pulled up at a stop-light, _

_These drugs on the dash-board, _

_Look at the mess we made tonight... _

_Kick off your stilettos (Oh yeah!) _

_Kick off your stilettos, _

_And fuck me in the back-seat! _

_Fuck me in the back-seat!"_ Whereas some thought the song was a bit... much, the fangirls were loving every moment of it.

_"You're always crawling in disguise! _

_And always quick to compromise! _

_Kick off your stilettos (Oh yeah!) _

_And fuck me in the back-seat! _

_Fuck me in the back-seat!"_

* * *

Ike and Roy had decided to do their entry together (mostly because Ike just wanted to get it over with) and soon they were singing 'Dragosta Din Tei'. Ike started, face clearly betraying his misery because Roy had chosen the song,

_"Hello... Salut... _

_It's me, your duke. _

_And I made... _

_Something last week to show you _

_How I feel..."_ Roy took over from there, smiling all the way,

_"Hello! Hello~! _

_It's me~! _

_Picasso, I will paint!"_ Roy smirked and raised his eyebrow twice at the audience.

_"My words of love, with your name on every wall..."_ Both swordsmen sang,

_"When you leave, my colors fade to grey... _

_Numa numa-ay! _

_Numa numa numa-ay! _

_Every word of love I used to say, _

_Now I paint it every day~!"_ Roy began dancing while Ike stayed standing in his cloud of misery.

_"When you leave, my colors fade to grey! _

_A little are the same, but all my colors fade away! _

_Every word of love I used to say, _

_Now I paint it every day~!"_ "Kill me now..." Ike groaned into the mic.

* * *

_"Mama, we all go to Hell..."_ Damien sang when the lyrics to his song, 'Mama' by My Chemical Romance, started scrolling on the screen,

_"Mama, we all go to Hell... _

_I'm writing this letter, _

_and wishing you well! _

_Mama, we all go to Hell!"_ Damien smirked before singing,

_"Oh well, now _

_Mama, we're all gonna die~! _

_Mama, we're all gonna die! _

_Stop asking me questions, _

_I'd hate to see you cry! _

_Mama, we're all gonna die!"_ Just then, Sasuke asked the judges,

"I thought you said no emo-crap?"

"From _you_ Sasuke..." Bayonetta sighed.

* * *

_"Marionette! (Marionette)"_ Sasori sang, following the lyrics to 'Marionette' by Rolly,

_"Teacher's Pet~! (Teacher's Pet!) _

_Marionette! (Marionette)"_ He grinned at the audience,

_"Sensei No Petto!"_ The red-head pointed to himself,

_"I'm a marionette! (Marionette)_

_Teacher's Pet~! (Teacher's Pet!)_

_Marionette! (Marionette)_

_Sensei No Petto! _

_I'm a marionette! Oh..._

_I'm your Romeo! Oh..._

_Be my Juliet! Oh... _

_Sensei No Petto! _

_Sensei No Petto~!"_

* * *

_"Let me tell you 'bout a girl I know..."_ Kevin sang out when he was on stage,

_"Had a drink about an hour ago... _

_Sitting in a corner, _

_by herself... _

_In a bar in downtown Hell!"_ The mutant and the nation of Turkey were currently singing to the song 'Date Rape' by Sublime,

_"She heard a noise and she looked to the door, _

_and saw a man she'd never seen before... _

_With light skin and light blue eyes... _

_A double-chin and a plastic smile! _

_Her heart raced as he walked through the door _

_and took an empty seat next to her at the bar..."_ Both Kevin and Sadiq looked towards the ukes with devious smirks,

_"My brand new car is parked right outside. _

_How'd you like to go for a ride?"_

* * *

Zetsu had walked up and chosen his favorite song, 'Conchita, the Epicurean Daughter of Evil' by Meiko Sakarine. And, although many of the audience had heard the song before, hearing the plant-man singing,

_"I'll eat up everything, everything that's in the world,  
Until I feel that the emptiness inside me is gone!  
The poison shining a sleek deadly blue...  
Is the very best spice for a main course dish!_

Eating up all of every single thing to the bone!  
If it doesn't satisfy me, then I'll bite into plates!  
If it's a delicious meal, then my tongue is blissful,  
But wait until I decide at the end of the supper~!"

..Was a little bit creepy.

* * *

Kakuzu had chosen a song that, for some _odd_ reason, was causing Sasori to tremble with rage. Just as Kakuzu sang out,

_"Master! _

_Master of Puppets!"_ Sasori jumped up and yelled,

"Kakuzu, you jerk! I wanted to do 'Master of Puppets' but you said 'No, no one upstage anyone else! But here you are doing it and, sir, I classify that as an act of world-class douche-baggery!" The room was quiet for a moment. Then Kakuzu sang out again,

_"Master! _

_Master of Puppets!"_ "That's it!" Sasori yelled before jumping onto the brunette and fighting for a moment.

* * *

"_Get! Down!"_ Korea was singing the song 'Promise' by Hirose Kohmi, which he was _insisting_ originated in him. _"__A shaking, spinning, touching, painful feeling!_

_The two of us sleeping together in a winter land~"_ Before the spastic nation could even finish, however, Japan stood up and called over,

"I have let you steal a lot of my things, Yong Soo, but you are _not_ stealing the 'Geddan'!" When Yong Soo simply stuck out his tongue and kept singing, Japan growled before going up to the stage and trying to steal the mic away from his brother.

"No~! This originated in Korea, da ze!" And with that, Yong Soo slapped Kiku with one of his over-sized sleeves. For a second, Japan was too shocked to do anything. For a second. Then he growled before proceeding to get into a slapping-fight with his brother.

"Oh, for the love of…" China groaned.

* * *

_"Jealousy! _

_Turning saints into the sea!"_ Orochimaru sang as he chose to do a duet with his good friend Professor Oak,

_"Swimming through sick lullabies! _

_Choking on your alibis!"_ Professor Oak sang before they both sang together,

_"But it's just the price I pay, _

_destiny is calling me! _

_Open up my eager eyes..."_ They both turned back to back before singing to the audience.

_"I'm Mr. Brightside!"_

* * *

_"All I ever wanted _

_Was to see you smiling. _

_All I ever wanted _

_Was to make you mine!"_ Russia was singing along to 'All i ever wanted' by Basshunter and, at first, it was cute. But slowly it seemed that Belarus wasn't the only stalker in the family.

_I know that I love you _

_Oh baby, why can't you see? _

_All I ever wanted was you and me..."_ The song had a bit of a musical interlude before Ivan was able to sing,

_"I'm so alone... _

_Here on my own... _

_And I'm waiting for you to come... _

_I want to be... _

_A part of you... _

_Think of the things we could do... _

_And everyday... _

_You're in my head..."_ 'Stalker much?' Everyone thought.

_"I want to have you in my bed..."_

* * *

What possessed Neji to do a duet with Kakashi? Mostly the same reason Ike sang with Roy, to get it out of the way. So that's why the Hyuuga and the Copy-nin were currently singing,

_"Where did I go wrong? _

_I lost a friend, _

_somewhere along in the bitterness..."_ Neji sang,

_"And I could have stayed up _

_with you all night... _

_Had I known,"_ Both ninja sang,

_"How to save a life..."_

* * *

When Germany went up and chose '99 Red Balloons' by Nena, they thought it would be kind of funny. Too bad that Germany doesn't do funny...

_"You and me _

_In a little toy shop... _

_Buy some balloons _

_with the money we've got..."_ The stern blonde gritted out, effectively scaring half of the audience. When Ludwig was halfway through his song, all three of the judges had the same thought, Finland asking,

"Ludwig, if I gave you all of the money in my wallet, would you stop singing? You're scaring me..."

* * *

Prussia, on the other hand, was having fun despite the Team's choice of his singing partner, despite his protests of how the awesome him didn't need a partner. Gilbert and Shadow did a good rendition of 'I Write Sins Not Tragedies', despite the two of them fighting for the spotlight during the final few verses.

* * *

_"Lovino, Lovino~!"_ Spain crooned out in that sexy Spanish accent that was making a bunch of the fangirls spontaneously orgasm, _"He reminds me of a West Side story~!"_ The song in itself was good, but S. Italy was fuming at the use of his name in the song. _"_Growing up in Spanish Harlem_!"_ Antonio looked at his cute little tomato in the audience, _"_He's living the life just like a movie star_~! Oh~! Lovino, Lovino~!"_ Abruptly, Antonio's song was cut short when a plate of paella met his face.

* * *

"_She had the world upon a string…"_ Stan sang along to the lyrics of 'She had the world' by Panic at the Disco. Christophe joined in with,

"_But she could never win me…"_

_"Spun the stars on her fingernails…"_

_"But it never made her happy…"_

_"Cause she couldn't ever have me…"_

* * *

"_When it's cold _

_Outside, _

_Am I here in vain?"_ By the time it came to their turn, Raiga and Zabuza were so trashed (thanks to the Isle nations) that they were basically slurring out the words to 'Always' by Erasure.

_"Hold on… _

_To the night… _

_And there will be no shame…"_ They both came together to sing,

_Always, I want to be with you…_

_And make believe with you _

_And live in harmony, harmony _

_Oh love!"_

"Kisame?" Itachi asked his lover. When he got the shark's attention, he asked, "Why are all of the Legendary Swordsmen pedophiles?" Kisame chuckled,

"Itachi, that's not true…" But then the Mizukage thought for a moment. "Well, there's Zabuza and Haku… And Raiga and Ranmaru… Then me and you, I guess… And there was that one woman who was kind of a cougar…" Kisame frowned before he groaned, "Oh dear God, it's true!" He panicked and pointed to Orochimaru and Prof. Oak, yelling, "I'm no better than you two!"

* * *

"_We're men, we're men in tights!  
We roam around the forest, looking for fights!  
We're men, we're men in tights~"_ Link was singing, drunk as well, _"We rob from the rich and give to the poor, that's right!"_

"Bullshit!" Ganondorf yelled out.

_"We may look like sissies, but watch what you say or else we'll put out your lights!"_ At that Link kicked into the air, unknowingly hitting a passing waiter, _  
"We're men, we're men in tights~  
Always on guard defending the people's rights!"_ Link sang, just now noticing that he had kicked someone's lights out.

* * *

Zane went up and, since he's so damn sexy and can get away with it, he sang one of his favorite songs,

_"Stop my breathing and slit my throat... _

_I must be emo! _

_I don't jump around when I go to shows... _

_I must be emo!"_ Itachi and Sasuke stared at the bluenette teen in awe before yelling to the judges, at the same time,

"He stole my song!"

* * *

_"When I get older, losin' my hair, _

_Many years from now..."_ Leon began singing,

_"Will you still be sendin' me a valentine? _

_Birthday greetings, bottle of wine!"_ England was rocking his head back and forth to the music (he would always love anything by The Beatles, even if a bloody American was singing it). _"If I've been out 'til quarter-to-three, _

_Would you lock the door? _

_Will you still need me? _

_Will you still feed me? _

_When I'm sixty-four?"_ Count D chuckled,

"My dearest detective, such a drama king..."

* * *

"Aster, no!" Kisame tried to stop the white-haired teen before he went on the stage. But Aster went on up and selected the song he wanted to sing. Destiny help us...

_"I want to hold 'em like they do in Texas plays! (Whoo!) _

_Fold em, let them hit me, raise it, _

_Baby stay with me... (I love it!) _

_Love game intuition, _

_Play the cards with spades to start... _

_And after he's been hooked, _

_I'll play the one that's on his heart!"_ Aster should have stopped while he was ahead. But he couldn't have possibly known the effect that he was having on the rabid fan-girls...

_"Oh-Oh~Oh-Oh~ _

_Oh-Oh~Oh! _

_I'll get him hot! _

_Show him what I've got! _

_Oh-Oh~Oh-Oh~ _

_Oh-Oh~Oh! _

_I'll get him hot! _

_Show him what I've got!"_ Aster flashed a pretty-boy smile towards the audience before he sang out,

_"Can't read my, _

_Can't read my, _

_No you can't read my _

_Poker Face~! _

_(He's got me like nobody!) _

_Can't read my, _

_Can't read my, _

_No you can't read my _

_Poker Face~! _

_(He's got me like nobody!)"_ Suddenly,

"Look out!" One of the event coordinators screamed as a bunch of rabid fangirls were swarming the stage. Aster gulped before running off, singing,

_"H-h-h-Holy crap! _

_H-h-Holy crap! _

_I'm out of here! _

_H-h-h-Holy crap! _

_H-h-Holy crap! _

_I'm out of here!"_

* * *

Finally, it was Craig's turn. "Go on Craig! And try not to make us all feel like killing ourselves like you usually do..." Were Kisame's words of encouragement. Craig just shrugged 'whatever' before walking up to the stage and choosing his song. The music started up, sounding like a country version of the 'Hare Hare Yukai' but Craig spoke into the mic,

_"I'm going to sing this with... _

_All of my heart. So, please... _

_Listen."_ That got everyone's attention, even when Craig muttered, _"And, don't die in the process, or anything."_ Then he sang, in an absolutely monotone, I couldn't care less even if this whole building caught on fire right now, voice,

_"You know what? _

_If I could solve all_

_The mysteries and the wonders of this planet... _

_I would keep my mouth shut, _

_And not ever tell a soul."_ Everyone groaned as they felt where this was going.

_"Maybe you just _

_Wish that I would be _

_More energetic and more peppy like you… _

_But honestly, girl, I'm just not that kind of guy."_ Craig rolled his eyes as the lyrics kept going,

"_And the time goes crazy and goes Boon!"_ At that moment, Craig raised his arms slightly,

"_From all of _

_The crazy strange, and weird stuff happening. _

_I get swept up and then all of your delusions start to take control. _

_And consume this whole world."_"Someone help me." Craig muttered before continued,

"_One sunny day as clear as can be…  
They that search endlessly…  
For some magic life, cause me such strife,  
Since I just get dragged around."_ "Stop bothering me." Craig added.

"Well, since Craig successfully made us all feel like killing ourselves…" Bayonetta began, seeing the gloomy cloud hovering above the room. "It's time for the ukes to go up."

* * *

**A/N: **

**Songs used: **

**Tik Tok- The Midnight Beast Parody- Midnight Beast **

**Oh, What A Night- The Four Seasons **

**Fer Sure- Medic Droid **

**Dragosta Din Tei- O-ZONE **

**Mama- My Chemical Romance **

**Marionette- Rolly **

**Date Rap- Sublime **

**Conchita, the Epicurean Daughter of Evil (I wrote a fic based on this song, you know, if anyone's interested…) **

**Master of Puppets- Metallica **

**Promise- Hiromi Kohmi **

**Mr. Brightside- the Killers **

**All i ever Wanted- Basshunter **

**How To Save a Life- The Fray **

**99 Red Balloons- Nena **

**I Write Sins Not Tragedies- Panic! At the Disco (This song was made back when they still had the '!') **

**Maria Maria- Santana **

**She Had the World- Panic at the Disco (See? This song was made after they got rid of the '!') **

**Always- Erasure **

**Men In Tights- Robin Hood, the musical **

**Emo Kid- Adam and Andrew **

**When I'm Sixty-Four- The Beatles **

**Poker Face- Lady GaGa **

**Hare Hare Yukai- Kyon **

**Well, read on. **

**-Tyranno's girl. **


	33. The Ukes Dazzle The Audience

"Let's see now..." Itachi scrolled through the list of songs until he found one that fit his tastes. When the lyrics started running across the screen, he began,

_"__Everybody look at me, me  
I walk in the door you start screaming!"_ A bunch of the people in the room began cheering, just because... well, who's really going to reject the opportunity to see and hear an Uchiha sing a sexy song? Really?_  
_

_"Come on everybody what you here for?  
Move your body around like a nympho!"_ When the weasel began dancing along to his words, it was almost too much. You could discretely notice people rushing to the bathrooms...

_"Everybody get your necks to crack around!  
All you crazy people come on jump around!"_

_I want to see you all on your knees, knees  
You either want to be with me, or be me!"_

...You could see people reaching for the tissues on their tables...

_"Maneater, make you work hard  
Make you spend hard  
Make you want all, of her love!  
She's a maneater  
make you buy cars  
make you cut cards  
make you fall, real hard in love!"_

...People drooling at the sight of the Uchiha's sexy, sexy dancing...

_"She's a Maneater, make you work hard  
Make you spend hard  
Make you want all, of her love!  
She's a maneater  
make you buy cars  
make you cut cards  
Wish you never ever met her at all!"_

"Wow... He's really something, isn't he?" A waiter who was standing next to Kisame's seat sighed, practically undressing the male on stage with his eyes. Kisame was surprisingly calm as he looked at the waiter and asked,

"Are you a woman?"

"No." _BAM!_ Kisame socked the man straight in the eye.

* * *

America went up next and was determined to make this a party. He had even worn a cowboy-hat to the event and was now singing,

_"So I put my hands up  
They're playing my song,  
And the butterflies fly away...  
I'm noddin' my head like yeah!  
I'm movin' my hips like yeah!"_ This type of thing was typical of the blonde nation but still... seeing him singing Miley Cyrus..?

_"I got my hands up;  
They're playin' my song  
I know I'm gonna be OK...  
Yeah, it's a party in the USA!  
Yeah, it's a party in the USA!"_ "Yee-haw!" Alfred whooped, throwing his hat into the air.

* * *

"_I'll have a Blue Christmas without you…"_ Sonic sang out while he was on stage.  
_"I'll be so blue thinking about you…  
Decorations of red on a green Christmas tree,  
Won't be the same, if you're not here with me…"_

The judges were all tearing up, even Bayonetta cried, "It's so sad… Too bad I don't give a fuck about Christmas."

* * *

It's too bad that enthusiasm doesn't equal talent, because Jaden Yuki was having a blast trying to sing,

"_If I go crazy then will you still  
Call me Superman?  
If I'm alive and well, will you be  
There a-holding my hand?"_

After so many minutes, everyone looked to Aster, as if asking, 'What do you see in him again?'

* * *

The first group performance of the night was by Hidan, Kyle, and Gregory who choose the song that they wanted to do (after much cursing and debate) before they began,

"_Aaah… _

_Miku! _

_Fuck you"_ Hidan sang,

"_Mi-mi-Miku! _

_Mi-mi! Miku!"_ Kyle followed,

"_Mi-mi-Miku! _

_Mi-mi-mi-mi! Miku!"_ Gregory added,

"_Mi-mi-Miku! _

_Mi-mi! Miku!"_ Then the three of them came together on the stage and flipped everyone off as they sang,

"_Aaah… _

_Miku! _

_Fuck you!"_

* * *

"_Aimer,  
C'est ce qu'il y a de plus beau…  
Aimer,  
C'est monter si haut…  
Et toucher les ailes des oiseaux,  
Aimer,  
C'est ce qu'il y a de plus beau…"_ France crooned out before Matthew replied,

"_Aimer,  
C'est voler le temps…  
Aimer,  
C'est rester vivant…  
Et bruler le coeur d'un volcan,  
Aimer,  
C'est ce qui a de plus grand…"_ This lasted for all of a minute before everyone yelled,

"SING SOMETHING THE REST OF US CAN ACTUALLY UNDERSTAND!"

* * *

Why… Why did the Italy brothers choose to sing 'Romeo and Cinderella'? Well, their performance wasn't that bad. N. Italy sang the verses,

"_So hard that I bit you,  
So hard that it hurts,  
I'm in love with you  
but Dad seems to hate you, though…"_ It was all going well until S. Italy sang,

"_You gave me a hand,  
holding a collar for me,  
Take me away my Romeo!  
So far that they rebuke us!"_ At that moment, Lovino's soprano voice decided to make an appearance, causing every glass in the room to shatter. Immediately, he stopped singing and began strangling his younger brother, yelling, "CHIGII~! This is all your fault!"

* * *

"Do you think that blonde's have more fun Sasuke?" Sasori asked the raven as they saw Deidara and Naruto singing 'Barbie Girl'. Sasuke was about to reply when both blondes accidentally bumped heads with each other.

"They certainly won't have more brain cells after this."

* * *

Now, if you had been in Uke Manor for the past couple of days, you would have been witness to the little… 'feud' arising between Count D and China. Oh, it was pretty silly stuff, actually, but on stage…

"_In the short time we have to play out our lives,  
We get swept off our feet by the calm…"_ Count D began, just to have Yao shove him out of the way before he sang,

_"Remaining with the memories we'll always have,  
Spinning them into two spirals and then they fade away…"_ The Count discretely stepped on Yao's foot and when the nation was jumping away in pain, he continued,

"_As for me, I will sing the song of the present…  
That's all I can do, be singing and talking…" _Yao kicked him out of the way, singing,

"_I won't remember what happened at that time,  
But it's been engraved in my heart, so let me go…"_

"You disrespectful--!" Count D huffed before pulling at China's hair, the nation returning the favor in full.

"Get off of me, aru!"

"Apologize this instant!"

* * *

"_What's the worst that I can say~? _

_Things are better if I stay!"_ Chazz sang out before Gaara continued,

"_So long, and good night! _

_So long, and good night~!"_ Sasuke walked back up to Bayonetta to complain but she huffed out before he could even say anything,

"We didn't want any emo-crap from _you_, Sasuke."

* * *

True to his word, Greece sang 'Dancing Queen'. Although, with the hell that Turkey was giving him during his performance, he kind of wished he didn't.

"_You can dance,"_

"He can't!"

"_You can jive, having the time of your life~! _

_Ooh~!_

_See that girl,"_

"I knew you were a chick!"

"_Watch that scene, dig in the dancing queen!"_ After the song ended, Greece growled out,

"I'm going to kill you, Sadiq!", before rushing after the masked man.

* * *

"_Oh, somewhere deep inside of these bones,  
An emptiness began to grow…" _Tobi chose to sing 'Jack's Lament' from the Nightmare Before Christmas, but no one knew that he would do such a good job of it.

_"There's something out there, far from my home  
A longing that I've never known…"_

The Uchiha actually got a standing ovation for his little rendition.

* * *

The audience was heavily cheering when Ben and Sheik got up on stage and began dancing and singing to 'Hips Don't Lie'. But it was mostly the dancing that got everyone's attention. Every time either the hero or the Sheikaih would move their hips was damned near enchanting,

"_Oh baby when you talk like that!  
You make a woman go mad!  
So be wise and keep on,  
Reading the signs of my body!" _Sheik cut in, 

"And I'm on tonight!  
You know my hips don't lie,  
And I'm starting to feel it's right!  
All the attraction, the tension,  
Don't you see baby, this is perfection!"

"Note to self…" Kevin was writing on a piece of paper, "Sneak into Uke Manor tonight."

* * *

"_How detestable  
Is that glance from  
The other side of this closed room?"_ Ranmaru was singing a duet with Haku and the song choice that the two made just brought the whole pedophile conversation back into swing,

"_I cannot allow  
My tears to be seen  
Or else I'll end up giving in to you…"_

"We're not pedophiles, damn it!" Kisame, Raiga, and Zabuza yelled.

* * *

Team Uke had tried… Really _tried _to give Tweek a nice calm song that wouldn't cause him to spazz out so much.

"_Turn away…"_ "AH!" He twitched after the first line.

"_If you could get me a drink…"_ "Oh no!"

"_Of water, cause my lips are chapped and…"_ "GAH! I CAN'T DO THIS! TOO MUCH PRESSURE!" Tweek jerked and yelled, dropping the mic to the phone. All of the ukes just sighed.

* * *

"_He's my best friend! _

_Best of all best friend! _

_You should have a best friend too!"_Tracy sang to the audience before Kabuto continued,

"_Pickles in my tummy! _

_He's so yummy, yummy! _

_Hey, do you have a best friend too?"_

"What the hell were we thinking when we introduced these two to each other?" Both Orochimaru and Prof. Oak thought aloud at the same time.

* * *

Pit seemed to want to prove that he really wasn't as innocent as he looked when he got up on stage, with a spiral lollipop, and began singing,

"_Let's have some fun, _

_This beat is sick! _

_I wanna take a ride _

_On your disco stick!"_ Pit licked at the sweet before he sang again,

"_Let's have some fun, _

_This beat is sick! _

_I wanna take a ride _

_On your disco stick!"_

"Pit, why are you torturing me~?" Ike groaned out from his seat.

* * *

"_Eleanor Rigby, _

_Picks up the rice in a church where a wedding has been… _

_Lives in a dream…" _Pip was singing 'Eleanor Rigby', causing the gloom cloud in the room to grow even bigger.

"People! Could we please stop choosing songs that make people want to kill themselves?" Bayonetta yelled.

* * *

"_I can't wait to fall in love… with you!  
You can't wait to fall in love… with me!"_ Why did certain contenders feel that they needed to flaunt their good looks? Like Marth singing 'Summer Love'.

_"This just can't be summer love… you'll see!  
This just can't be summer love…"_The bluenette prince went so far as to spelling out,

"'_L-O-V-E'" _With his fingers, which resulted in another wave of fangirls swarming the stage.

* * *

"_But I have to concentrate on my work! _

_I carry my scissors in one hand... _

_The scissors that are now painted red... _

_The more you sharpen them, _

_The better they cut..."_ Iruka was the last person to sing that night. And who knows why he chose to sing the song 'The Tailor Shop of Enzibaka'. After everyone got over their shivers from the song, the judges were about to give their analyses. Finland started with,

"That was so much fun! Good job guys!" Shuichi added,

"Yeah, dogs! You did your--!"

"Oh, for the love of..!" Bayonetta groaned, shoving the pink-haired singer out of the way. "Overall, both groups were good but only one group can be crowned the Karaoke champions." Everyone waited in pregnant silence. "The winners are… Team Seme because England being drunk was just too funny!" The witch burst into laughter as she remembered England's performance with his brothers. The ukes all yelled,

"OH, JUST FUCK ME!", in exasperation. But when the semes looked at them expectantly, Itachi huffed,

"We didn't mean literally, you horny idiots!"

* * *

**A/N: **

**Songs used: **

**Maneater- Nelly Furtado **

**Party In the U.S.A.- Miley Cyrus (This was torture to write…) **

**Blue Christmas- Elvis Presley **

**Kryptonite- 3 Doors Down **

**Miku, Fuck You!- Miku Zatsune (Zatsune, not Hatsune) **

**Aimer- Romeo et Juliette: L'haine de L'amour (Awesome French musical of Romeo and Juliet) **

**Romeo and Cinderella- Miku Hatsune **

**Barbie Girl- Aqua **

**The Spinning Song- Len and Rin Kagamine **

**Helena- My Chemical Romance **

**Dancing Queen- ABBA **

**Jack's Lament- The Nightmare Before Christmas **

**Hips Don't Lie- Shakira **

**Shotarella- Len Kagamine ft. Kaito Shione **

**Cancer- My Chemical Romance **

**Best Friend- Toy Box **

**Love Game- Lady GaGa **

**Eleanor Rigby- The Beatles **

**Summer Love- Justin Timberlake **

**The Tailor Shop of Enzibaka (Again, I just used a song that I wrote a story for a character about. Although, hardly anyone read this one!) **

**Team Seme- 300 **

**Team Uke- 250 **

**Keep cheering on your teams, people. And keep sending me ideas (and hope that nothing comes up so that I can actually write them out) **

**Read and review! **

**-Tyranno's girl.**


	34. The Great Snowball War of 2010

**Disclaimer- I don't own anything... Except my tiredness... **

* * *

In the Crown Stadium, everyone was waiting for things to get started. What was strange though was that everyone was dressed in winter clothing... when the sun was shining out, beating down 95 degrees of hotness. Why the hell would anyone one put themselves through this torture.

"Could you hurry up with it already, I'm sweating my ass off as it is!" Bayonetta called to the commentator. The event-coordinators had demanded everyone to wear thick clothing, they even got new uniforms for the teams (the Uke uniforms ending up pink again for some strange reason). Why?

"Ladies and gentlemen! I know that you're probably sweating buckets right now, but if you could give us a few more moments..." She looked towards Professor Oak and asked,

"Where the hell are Ash and Gary? They were supposed to be here with that Articuno ages ago!" The Pokémon professor gave a nervous chuckle.

"I don't know... Maybe they got lost in Snowpoint City?" Before people started to leave, there was a loud squawking from the entryway to the arena. Everyone looked to see Ash Ketchum (you know, that little bastard who doesn't know how to take advantage of a good situation? I mean- Come on! You have four girls _begging_ for you to get in their pants and you _still_ haven't done anything? No wonder the American version of Pokémon is so bad. I mean, at least in the Japanese version of Pokémon: Chronicles, Gary got his girlfriend knocked up! Okay, I'll stop ranting now…) and Gary Oak trying to pull in the large ice-bird Articuno via a nice, complicated…

Rope.

"Why isn't that thing in a pokéball?" Professor Oak called over. Ash replied,

"We tried twenty of those! They didn't work!"

"Why isn't it in a megaball?" The old man asked, to which his grandson answered,

"We tried fifty of those, they still didn't work Gramps!"

"Why isn't it in an ultraball?" After a minute, Ash answered,

"... We kind of ran out of money after all the megaballs!" At that, the commentator yelled,

"Could you guys stop talking about balls for one minute and just get that damn thing to the field?" The two teens tried to do just that but Articuno was listening. The icy bird Pokémon simply snapped the ropes and flew towards the center arena and towards General Winter. But, rather than trying to attack the frigid male, Articuno simply cooed and nudged its beak at the General.

"Good bird." The General patted the bird on the head. After that, Winter sighed, causing the sky to turn grey and snow-flakes to start falling from the air above. Articuno flew up into the air and, with a cry, the snow turned into a blizzard. The harsh winds whipped around and soon the arena field was covered in the soft whiteness. The commentator announced,

"Today's challenge is titled 'The Great Snowball War of 2010'! As you can guess, it will be a massive snow-ball fight between both teams. If you get hit, you're out! Period! The team that is still standing at the end of all this, wins!" The arena cheered. "Now, into positions!" The members of both teams crouched close to the ground, ready to pick up snow.

"Go!"

As soon as the commentator cried out, the field became a flurry of snow and movement and yells. Some of the competitors went to build forts to defend themselves from the incoming snowballs but most of them just went all out. It was soon chaos!

* * *

The skies were grey as someone takes out a journal and begins writing,

"'Soldier's Log-

It has been three weeks since the start of the Great Snowball War. We have lost many good men on the front lines in the harsh field of combat. We are cold, we are tired, and we are very, _very_ hungry. So _damned_ hungry. Honestly, I could _kill_ someone for a good order of fish and chips right about now. Oh, and maybe some warm cider! With some figgy pudding for dessert and'..."

"England!" The blonde looked up to see Kisame standing in front of a white board with a bunch of scribbles on it. "If you aren't going to take writing that war journal seriously, then give it to someone else!" Afterwards, Kisame turned to the rest of his remaining 'army' and began, "Alright men! We have to hit the Uke menace hard and fast! We have to take the battle to them, but in a calm, strategic manner and--"

"Prussia's taken the western front into battle." Korea stated, looking at their other 'base' through a pair of binoculars. Kisame screamed,

"He what?" taking the binoculars and watching as the albino led half of their forces into the cross-fire towards Team Uke's strong-hold. Immediately, the ukes came out from their hiding places and launched their assault. Prussia's group didn't stand a chance.

One by one, they all fell until only Gilbert stood. But, alas, the once-nation would never run. One, two, three, four snowballs hit him, each extracting a pained groan from him until he fell to the ground.

"Nein!" Germany yelled, rushing out of the base and to his brother's aid. Kisame reached out to get him but he was too late.

"Ludwig! Stop, get back here soldier!" Just as he was about to go out, Russia pulled him back in,

"There's nothing you can do now! He's already gone, look!" They all looked and watched as Germany kneeled to his brother's side. The blonde was crying softly,

"Bruder (Brother)... It will be alright. Just hang in there..." Prussia gave a soft smirk before passing out. "Nein! Gilbert!" Ludwig yelled.

* * *

The remaining ukes watched the scene play out, all sighing and sweat-dropping in general 'wtf'-ness before S. Italy ran over and hit Germany with a snowball. When the remaining semes began yelling and crying, Haku asked, "Does anyone think that maybe we should tell the semes that they're taking this _way_ too seriously?" The ukes looked on before sighing again.

* * *

"'Soldier's Log-

It is now week... Oh, who knows? But now things are getting desperate. Our Captain is gathering everyone together for one final strike against the uke forces. Hopefully, this will be the end of this retched war and we can go home to our families. Seriously, I need to get laid...'"

"England!" Kisame yelled before clearing his throat and walking across the base. "Now, we have lost many of our comrades in this war. But, fear not! We _will_ defeat the enemy and we _will_ leave a story for our children to be proud of!" The semes all cheered. "We will attack until our very last breath! Until the last snowflake falls! Because, hear me now my comrades..." Kisame was getting emotional at this time and was about to continue on when he heard,

"Here's your hot chocolate sir." Everyone turned and saw Craig buying a mug of hot cocoa.

"Thank you." The teen murmured before taking a sip. He then noticed that everyone was staring at him. "What?"

* * *

Without so much as a word, all of the semes shoved Craig out into the wilderness, a.k.a, right in front of the uke strong-hold, where he was quickly pummeled to death by snowballs.

"Now, where was I?" Kisame began again, "Oh yeah! Because they may take our lives! But they will never take,

OUR FREEDOM!" All the remaining semes cheered before Kisame led them out to battle, with a cry of, "Al gab rah gu brah! Or however the hell Mel Gibson said it!", and…

* * *

"Team Uke wins." The commentator stated, standing right besides the pile of 'dead' semes. Deidara walked over and, after poking the males with a stick, asked,

"What the hell kind of idea was running straight into an enemy's stronghold, un?"

"We thought that General Winter would be on our side…" Russia growled. Everyone looked to the side and saw that the General was still playing with Articuno. "Damn you!"

* * *

**A/N: **

**Team Seme- 300 **

**Team Uke- 250 **

**Well… The ukes are catching up! Again… Oh well, read on because I worked hard on these chapters, damn it! I'm just kidding, read and review. **

**-Tyranno's girl. **


	35. The Truth About Saso

TG- ...

**Kisame- Well, filler isn't **_**that**_** bad... **

**TG- It's mostly in response to people wanting to know about Saso's father. By the way... A cookie goes to Hacrua for being the **_**only**_** person to figure out who Saso's father was. Really? I dropped so many hints! Anyway, here we go. **

**Disclaimer- I don't own anything... Bleh. **

* * *

After a long day of, well, doing nothing (it was actually the day after the Great Snowball War, so no one _wanted_ to do anything), the semes were all lazying around in the main room. And since the snow-storm that Articuno and General Winter created were still going strong, no one was going outside for a while. Sasori walked in and saw a bunch of his teammates watching that most addictive of poisons (not porn), daytime television. "What are you guys watching?" Kevin replied,

"Skanks and Hos." Sasori raised an eyebrow,

"What?", before looking towards the TV and seeing that it was actually the Maury Pauvich show. "Oh." Then he frowned, "That." Kakuzu smirked, he had to mention this,

"Sasori~" The redhead groaned,

"No, Kakuzu..."

"We had something like this back at home, didn't we?" The brunette chuckled. He turned towards Kisame, who was in the kitchen with Russia, and asked,

"Remember Kisame? It was when Sasori found his way to the mansion in Kirigakure?" Kisame chuckled and added,

"Oh yeah! When we thought he was dead!"

"I was MIA! MIA!" Sasori howled. He sank into the couch before whining. "I need a beer." Immediately Prussia tossed one towards him, the redhead not even looking up when he caught it in his hand. Stan, who was busy trying to see if he could get Kyle to come over, asked,

"Dude what happened anyway? The puppet's getting all red and stuff." Just as Zetsu was about to talk, Sasori yelled,

"It's their fault for not knowing the difference between someone being dead and someone being MIA!"

* * *

One morning in the Akatsuki Headquarters (which was actually just the large mansion that Kisame had inherited by filling the role of Mizukage), there were no missions and everyone was just relaxing. Konan was playing with Deidara's son Saso (around age three at this time). Yet, at this time, the boy wasn't talking; he just took in everything around him with a beautiful porcelain pacifier in his mouth and wide, pessimistic-looking eyes.

Kisame was at the Kirigakuran Political Office with Kakuzu (doing nothing under the guise of signing paper-work) and the rest of them were, like was previously stated, enjoying their time off. That was, until, there was a loud knocking at the door.

"What the hell is that?" Hidan looked up from the Pokémon-coordinator magazine he was reading. Itachi shrugged his shoulders but walked over and opened the door... Nearly fainting from the shock and yelling,

"SASORI?"

Yes, it was indeed the red-headed puppet-master who everyone thought had passed. He was now standing at the door of their mansion, covered in dirt and panting heavily. "Yeah, it's me!" The puppet barged into the mansion and growled, "Thanks _so_ much for looking for me, guys!" Everyone was still shocked, but Konan was smart enough to hide Saso behind the couch and discretely text Pein on her phone,

_'Pein _

_Code 21-Pinocchio!'_, before she tried to calm the puppet down and keep him out of the kitchen, "Sasori! Wow! You look..." She looked at the male, "Like crap. You should get to a shower! Yeah, we have plenty of showers _upstairs_ here. Why don't you go _upstairs_?" Sasori replied,

"Maybe later. But for now," He was trying to get past the woman in front of him, "I should see Deidara, God knows that the brat has probably been missing me like crazy..." Everyone in the living room flinched as they remembered just _what_ Deidara was doing in the kitchen and _who_ he was with. Zetsu walked over and tried to help Konan block the way to the kitchen, saying,

"Maybe you really should go rest... **By the looks of things, you've had a long trip..."** Sasori scoffed,

"Yeah, all thanks to you, by the way.", trying to get past the both of them. They all tried (Itachi, Tobi, and Hidan) but in the end, Sasori slipped past them and walked into the kitchen. Everyone sighed,

"Oh... 3.. 2.. 1..."

"Sasori No Danna?"

"WHAT THE HELL?" Everyone rushed into the kitchen to see Sasori staring, gawking, at the sight of the blonde artist in the arms of a young man with green eyes and blue hair, who was just regarding the scene with slightly blinking eyes. After a few moments, Pein (who had been trying to get the two out of the kitchen) stated,

"James, it might be a good time to let go of Deidara now..."

* * *

In the absence of the famed puppet-master, the Akatsuki (Deidara especially) had been lacking in strength. So, when the bluenette known as James Gemstone came to the organization by way of leaving his past group for better opportunities, Pein let him in.

Although, it was mostly because Konan latched onto him in a maternal way ("Pein, doesn't he look like what would happen if _we_ had a baby?"). The young man, when he wasn't subject to distractions like he was in his old work, was quite the assassin. You never knew how deadly bottle-caps could be until you met the man. His Pokémon friends didn't hurt his efforts either (once they got over their fear of blood).

At first, Deidara was disgusted that anyone would try and replace his Danna. And James had never been that big a fan of blondes... But, working together slowly turned into friendship and then, as it so often does, a firm like, and then...

Well, it didn't take a genius to figure out where Saso came from.

* * *

"I can't believe this..." Sasori seethed. Everyone was sitting in the living room (upon hearing the news, Kisame and Kakuzu had rushed back to the mansion after picking up the shark's parents) and Sasori was pacing the floor, occasionally glancing towards the blonde and the bluenette on the couch.

After a moment, he stopped, dead-center and pointed towards the 'accused'. "I don't believe this, Deidara!" The blonde cried,

"Danna! I thought you were dead, un! That's what Zetsu told me, un!" Sasori flinched before he turned towards the plant-man and yelled,

"Can't you do anything right?" Zetsu scoffed,

**"Well, I for one, thought that sticking you in a hole in the desert was a better solution than eating you. Excuse~ me, princess!"** Sasori shook his head and arms, yelling,

"Stop, stop, STOP!" He took a breath before beginning again, "Okay, so even if this organization can't tell the difference between dead and MIA--"

"Well, actually--" Pein began but Sasori cut him off with a,

"Shut! Up! Pein!" He began walking across the room again, back and forth, until he was back in the center and he groaned, "Deidara, even if I _was_ dead, how could you get with this... this... prissy, dandy, pretty-boy?" At that, James stood up and replied,

"Alright, now I have to speak up." Dusting off his cloak, the bluenette added, "Now, kind sir, you _may_ call me prissy, and you _may_ call me dandy... Hell, I don't even mind the pretty-boy comment! But..." He dug into his pocket, taking out a handful of bottle-caps, clenching them tightly, "If you keep yelling at Deidara like that, I might not be able to retrain my temper..."

Deidara flinched when he saw the drops of blood dripping from James's grip. Sasori chuckled, "You want to fight, bottle-cap boy?" The red-head took out a scroll and activated it, Hiruko appearing in a cloud of smoke. "Then let's go!" Just as James was about start his attack, a soft, kind voice spoke,

"Um... James? Sasori?" Both men looked over and saw Mizuko, Kisame's mother, asking, "If you two are going to fight, can you not do it in here? This mansion is a very important landmark for Kirigakure." Then Deidara stood and huffed,

"They shouldn't fight anyway, un!" Sasori pulled back, rolling his eyes,

"Oh, now you're protecting him? What, next you're probably going to tell me that you had a kid with this guy!" The room was silent. "What?" As if already knowing the mechanics of bad timing, Saso walked over and tugged on Deidara's sleeve before he held up a piece of paper that read,

_"'Mother, _

_It is now 11:20. The prime time to feed a toddler so they can properly digest food just in time for an afternoon-nap. I would like a sandwich. Peanut-butter and Jelly. With toasted bread. Thank you in advance, _

_Saso.'"_

Everyone blinked in shock at the succinctness of the letter before Sasori looked at Saso... then Deidara... and then James...

"I don't believe this!" Kisame walked over and tried to calm the puppet down, saying,

"Sasori, it's okay!" But the red-head shook his head, stating,

"No, I really don't believe this." Kisame blinked. "How could _that_," Sasori pointed to James, "Get Deidara pregnant? I'd sooner suspect you, Kisame, and..." Sasori stopped mid-sentence as he looked at Kisame. More specifically his hair.

"Yes?" Kisame asked, unsure of the red-head's stares. Abruptly, Sasori yelled,

"You bastard!"

"What did I do?" Kisame whined.

"You knocked up my lover!" To that, James stood up and raised his hand,

"Erm... I think that _I_ did that, actually."

"Quiet, you pansy!", Sasori gritted out. James gasped,

"Pansy?"

"Now Sasori, calm down!" Itachi tried to calm down the frantic red-head. But Sasori just went on...

"You calm down! Your friend didn't knock up your lover!" He then stopped and brought a cell-phone out of his pocket and skimmed to a number on his contacts list. He dialed it and waited. As he waited, Deidara asked,

"Danna? Who are you calling, un?" Sasori smirked, answering,

"Someone who's going to help me figure this mess out once and for all."

"Oh crap." Pein gulped.

* * *

A few weeks later, Kisame, Sasori, James, and Deidara found themselves on the stage of one of the highest grossing daytime TV shows in existence.

_"It's scandal, sex-secrets, and more on this episode of _

_The Maury Show!"_

When the audience stopped clapping, Maury relaxed in his chair. He had already been told the story and now the only thing left was to drag out the five seconds it would take to receive and read the DNA results into fifteen minutes. "Now, Sasori, what are you going to do if Kisame is the father of little baby Saso?" The screen behind them showed video feed of the toddler, his eyes clearly reading 'Get that camera out of my face'. Kisame groaned,

"But I'm not the father~!"

"That's what they all say!" Maury snapped. Sasori sighed,

"Maury... I just don't know. I mean... I just don't know..."

"How very articulate of you, Sasori..." James rolled his eyes. Deidara just shook his head, whining,

"This is _so_ fucking embarrassing, un..." Maury kept on asking the four random questions until he got the cue from his producers.

"Okay, that's enough fucking around with the audience… The results are in!" That annoying 'The results are in!' sign appeared on the screen as Maury went to get the envelope and opened it up as he sat back down. "In the case of three year old Saso…" He turned to the shark, "Kisame. You are…" He held in a breath, "Not the father."

"I fucking told you! I fucking told you!" Kisame jumped up from his chair and started jumping around the stage and yelling, "I told you that wasn't my fucking kid!" Everyone just looked at the male before he stopped and apologized, "I'm sorry. It's just the show…"

"Sure it was…" Maury sighed. Before Kisame could tell him to shove it, Maury spoke, "In the case of three year-old Saso… blah blah blah… Sasori, you are… not the father." Everyone gasped but Sasori dead-panned,

"Um… I already knew that." Maury ignored him and read,

"James Gemstone, in the case of Saso… You _are_ the father!" Everyone gasped and shrieked but Deidara groaned,

"Great, I just got humiliated on International television just to find out something I already knew?"

* * *

"Well then," James started as he packed up his belongings in a suitcase. Deidara cried,

"James, where are you going?"

"I just feel as though things will get to be nothing but awkward if I stay here, so…" He picked up his luggage, "I'll be taking my leave."

_(Actual dialogue from my AU)_

Deidara's eyes started to mist over. It couldn't be, sure Danna was back and that should be making him happy but. All at once, James felt himself being hugged from behind. He glanced back and saw that beautiful golden hair.

"Deidara?"

"How are you just going to up and leave me like that, un?" Deidara cried. "I… I opened up my heart to you, un… I loved… I even had a child for you, un!" The blonde choked, "How are you just going to leave me, un?" James sighed, resting a hand on the blonde's. "What about Saso? You can't just leave me with him, and there's no way in hell that I'm letting you take him." James sighed and replied,

"Why would I take my son from such a wonderful home?" James sighed again, "I'll tell you the truth Deidara, I was ruing the day that Sasori would come back because I knew I would have to leave. Damn that puppet." Deidara was still crying into his shoulder before James added, "I'll be sure to send money back and anything that I think Saso will like, I'll send back too." After that James slowly walked away from the warm embrace that he had come to love so much.

* * *

Outside of the Mizukage Mansion, everyone had gathered to send James off. Konan was sobbing her eyes out from losing the closest thing that she had ever had to a son and everyone was really feeling the sadness of the event.

Well, except…

"Aren't you going to go yet?" Sasori huffed. James frowned but replied,

"I want to say good-bye to my son and my lover." Sasori fumed,

"He's not _your_—" But he got cut off by Deidara's cries of,

"Wait!" The blonde rushed out of the mansion, cradling Saso in his arms. The blonde stopped in front of the bluenette and held out the toddler. James didn't hold him, rather, he just kissed the small one on the forehead and whispered,

"I have to go now. But don't worry, I'll see you again." For a moment, Saso just blinked at the man while sucking on that pacifier. But then he did something that shocked everyone. He reached up and pulled out the pacifier and took a soft breath before stating,

"Then I'll hold you to that promise." Everyone was in awe. Saso, the toddler that would never speak a word, just spoke a full sentence! James blinked before turning around.

"James, what's wrong?" Deidara asked but he gasped as he saw James's shoulders trembling slightly. The bluenette silently tossed a pokéball towards the river that ran nearby, Gyrados appearing with a roar. The bluenette jumped onto the water-dragon's back and called, waving back as it swam away,

"Thank you all for everything!"

_(Dialogue end)_

The main room in Seme Estate was silent. Then Stan stated, "Sasori, dude, you were kind of a douche, huh?"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP! I STAND BY MY ACTIONS!"

* * *

**A/N: Ha ha. Now you know who Saso's father is! And you got to read a tiny bit into the AU that I made a while ago. **

**Please review! **

**-Tyranno's girl. **


	36. China and Count D

_**To Sightlines: 'Extreme Home Makeover: Seme-Uke Games Edition'... I like it! It'll probably take another week for it to be put up though.**_

**A/N: This chapter is another random chapter. No events but remember in the karaoke challenge when Count D and China kept fighting? Prepare to find out why! **

**Disclaimer- I don't own anything. Waah. **

* * *

China. Wang Yao. The father of all the Asian nations.

Count D. Dementia and Delight. Owner of the mystic pet shop that wanders around and pops up in Chinatowns all over the world.

What do these two have in common? Well, they're Chinese. They both like food. And they are quite stunning individuals.

What else?

Well, they have the _worst_ hissy-fits when they get mad. And it just got ten times worse the day that they both decided to get on each other's bad sides.

Here's what went down.

* * *

One evening, Count D was relaxing, taking a bath. He was just about to sink further into the bubbles when he realized, "This bath would be much better with the right type of atmosphere." With that, he decided to try and light some of his incense. The Count had made sure to place some in the medicine cabinet of his private washroom (which was close to the tub, thank goodness) and proceeded to open it.

Those pale hands with those long, delicate finger-nails rummaged around in the cabinet for a while before Count D flinched. He got out of the tub, not minding at all that he was dripping wet and nude, and frantically searched the cabinet, just to find that it was completely bare.

"What..?"

Abruptly, the door to the main room of Uke Manor opened up, revealing a flustered Count D with his hair tied up in a towel and a bath-robe around him. He yelled, "What happened to my incense?" Most of the ukes were confused until China walked into the room and announced,

"Aiya, the smell of that stuff was drifting all throughout the house. I threw it out when I was cleaning, aru."

Count D simply stood there in complete shock. This was _war._

* * *

The next afternoon, China was cooking away in the kitchen. He was preparing to make some pot-stickers for lunch and moved to the refrigerator to get the pork he needed. When he opened the door, however, he shrieked, "AIYA!" There was nothing in the fridge except for vegetables and sweets. "Wha... Wha..?" He gasped, sinking to the floor. Count D walked into the kitchen and, after grabbing a chocolate cake from the refrigerator, stated,

"All that meat shouldn't have been in there. So unhealthy." Yao stood up and yelled,

"But _I_ bought most of that meat, aru!"

The Count simply replied, "Meh.", before he grabbed a spoon and walked off.

* * *

There was an instance of a group of ukes sitting in the main room, eating ice cream and watching sexy gladiator movies. After a while of watching the air-brushed abs of Leonidas, Naruto asked Yao, "Hey, so you're basically the nation of China, right?"

"Mm-hm." China replied, downing a spoonful of pistachio ice-cream.

"So... How old are you, exactly?" China hummed for a moment before he answered,

"Around... Let's see, aru. Ah, around 4,000 years old, aru."

"Youngster!" Count D coughed out. China frowned before he continued,

"Yes, I'm basically a kami and..."

"Ha!" Count D put down his ice cream sundae and began, "Forgive me, _young_ man, but 4,000 years old is _hardly_ a kami."

"Really, aru?" China smiled sarcastically. "Then how old are you then?" Count D smiled that all-knowing smile before pulling out a piece of paper and writing a number down. He then slid it onto the table for all to see. 3..2..1...

"Holy crap, dude!" Kyle cried out at the number. Itachi added,

"You're... you're... forgive my language but you are ancient, Count D!"

Many of the other ukes had similar reactions but Yao was silently fuming in his seat from jealousy. "Grr..." He gritted his teeth and twisted his fingers into his pony-tail, Count D smirking all the while.

* * *

One morning Count D was lounging around in his bed, not quiet awake, but not quite sleeping, when he was disturbed by something... wet by his feet. He immediately shot up and removed his covers. His gold and purple eyes widened in shock-laced horror.

"AAAAHHH!" When that scream rang out through Uke Manor, Yao was reading a magazine in the kitchen. Yet he smirked and said,

"He must have found the horse head that was left in his bed." He then got out some money and handed it to Lovino **( 1 )**. "Thank you, aru."

* * *

After that, it was hard to see the two Chinese males not fighting. It went from things like what to watch on television...

"You don't even like T.V, aru!"

"I watch Animal Planet, thank you very much!"

...To what to have for dinner...

"We should just have a simple, vegetarian..."

"There he goes again with the 'vegetarian' crap, aru."

"Why don't you shut up?"

...Oh, and the issues of tea and tea-pots...

"What the hell are you doing, aru?" China asked Count D as the man grabbed an ornate tea-pot and a box of tea.

"If you must know, I'm making myself a cup of tea." Abruptly, Count D saw a box of green tea being shoved in his face. "Um..."

"If you're making tea, make this kind, aru." Count D frowned.

"I don't want green tea, I'm making Darjeeling tea." China rolled his eyes, scoffing,

"We shouldn't waste water making two types of teas, aru. Make the green tea!" Count D growled, setting the pot down,

"Why can't you just drink my tea?"

"I don't want to, you stupid pet shop-owner!" A gasp tore itself from the Count's throat before he retorted,

"You bratty excuse of a nation!"

The two glared at each other, you could literally see the sparks flying between them.

A few moments later, the rest of the ukes walked into the kitchen, just to see Yao and Count D yelling random Chinese curses, pulling at each other's hair, and slapping each other when able.

* * *

**A/N: **

**( 1 ) Lovino represents South Italy, you know, where the Italian Mafia has its stronghold. **

**Oh, that was funny. But now I must go work on other stuff, which includes fanfic-related stuff and my final speech for school (I'm doing an oral interpretation of a scene from ****Spirited Away****) Wish me luck! Oh, and review! **

**-Tyranno's girl. **


	37. Shortes Challenges Ever Part 1

"A."

"B."

"C."

In Seme Estate, at that very moment, England and Sasuke were sitting face to face with each other, green eyes boring into dark grey as they said things at the same time.

"Sunflower."

"Rose."

"William Shakespeare."

After a while, Roy walked in and, after he watched the two for a minute, he asked, "What are you guys doing?" To which England replied,

"There are some people who are insisting that our voices sound the same. **( 1 )**" The Sasuke added,

"So we're trying to see if it's true." Then the two went back to their testing.

"Sashimi."

"Ogre."

"Swordsman."

Roy frowned before huffing, "Way to spend our day off, guys...", and walking off. But the shinobi and the gentlemanly nation weren't disturbed in the least. They just kept on.

"Rubber Baby Buggy-Bumper!"

"She sells sea-shells by the seashore!"

"How much wood would a woodchuck chuck  
If a woodchuck could chuck wood?  
He would chuck, he would, as much as he could,  
And chuck as much as a woodchuck would  
If a woodchuck could chuck wood!"

They both looked at each other, blinking before they asked at the same time, "What?"

* * *

_Shortest Challenges Ever. Part 1!_

"Hello all!" The commentator announced the next morning at the Crown Stadium. "Today, as you can see, both teams are in the middle of an extremely heated match of Tug-of-War! Let's watch!" The camera scrolled to the field where the two teams were trying their hardest to keep the rope on their side.

Well… Actually…

The ukes were trying in vain to pull at the rope, but the semes weren't moving an inch. After about ten minutes of watching the ukes struggle, Germany asked Kisame, "Now?"

"Not yet."

Another few minutes passed before Leon asked, "Now?"

"Give it time."

Five more minutes passed before Ike asked, "How about now?"

"Just a few more minutes."

Finally, after a while, Russia asked Kisame, "Now?" The shark smirked,

"Now." All at once, the semes pulled the rope. The ukes were instantly pulled into the pool of water that rested between the two teams.

Whines of "My hair!" could be heard all throughout Team Uke.

**Team Seme- 350 **

**Team Uke- 250**

* * *

The next challenge of the day was…

"You all must watch these vases!" The commentator handed a beautiful, ornate vase to each team before continuing, "One person has to be watching the vase at all times and they absolutely, positively, cannot break! Understand?" Both teams nodded before they walked to their respective sides of the field.

Around thirty minutes into the event, things seemed to be going well. Itachi had made sure that certain members of Team Uke (Naruto, Hidan, Tobi, N. Italy, S. Italy, America, Tweek, etc…) had been tied up so that the vase would be nice and safe.

"I'm serious, if this vase breaks I will _break_ you guys, understand?" Itachi gritted out, the remaining ukes nodding their heads fearfully in response.

With the semes, each person who had to watch the vase had gotten bored after a couple minutes, so they kept switching off the responsibility to someone else.

Until it came to Turkey.

Sadiq got the vase before Kisame spoke, "Now Turkey, please. Just watch the vase. Don't rub the vase, don't play with the vase, just _watch_ the vase. For the love of God, don't do anything to the damn vase!" The masked nation huffed,

"Ya worry too much! I can handle this!" And with that, Turkey put the vase on a nearby pedestal so he could watch it better.

He watched it for about a minute before he began to frown. "Stupid Greece and his stupid Grecian vases… I oughta…" Then Sadiq proceeded to get into a glaring contest with the vase (really? A staring contest with an inanimate object?). After a while, Sadiq grumbled, "I hate you…"

The vase was silent.

"STOP MOCKING ME!" Sadiq yelled before he punched the vase, sending the poor container to an untimely death on the ground.

"Team Uke wins!" Finland announced.

"Damn it all Sadiq, why?" All of the semes sobbed and yelled at the nation at fault.

**Team Seme- 350 **

**Team Uke- 300**

* * *

"Has anyone here ever played a game called 'Drag the Body'?" The commentator asked as she read the final event of the day. Immediately, Hidan shifted his eyes back and forth, saying,

"I don't know what you're talking about!", sliding a bloody mass underneath a nearby bench. Everyone sweat-dropped before the commentator spoke up,

"Not like that!" Two event-coordinators gave each team a large blanket (decorated by their team colors, of course) before she began again, "This next event is called 'Drag the Body'! Basically, each team has to drag one of their team members, who will be sitting on the blanket, all the way to the finish-line on the other side of the field. The first team that does so wins!"

The teams were a little bit at ease, it seemed simple enough.

"Oh! And just so you guys don't get any ideas, we've already chosen who will be sitting on your blankets!" The commentator pointed to the screen, which revealed two pictures.

One of Russia…

And one of America.

"Oh dear God." Canada groaned. America, on the other hand, was stoked.

"Yes!" Alfred cheered, "I get to be lazy today!", before he grabbed the blanket, lay it on the ground and sat on it.

"I am so sorry…" Russia nearly sobbed as he sat on Team Seme's blanket. Kisame smirked,

"Come on, you can't be that heavy!"

"You're kidding, right?" Prussia scoffed.

A few minutes later, both teams were ready to get going. Bayonetta stood and announced, "Ready, set…" She looked up in the air before she yelled, "Go!", and shot her gun.

Both teams quickly found out why the coordinators had chosen who they had to sit on the blankets. Russia and America were so damn _heavy!_

"Guys!" Kisame announced after a few moments of the group simply to pull the blanket by forced, "This isn't going to work, we need a plan!"

With the ukes, on the other hand…

"Alfred~!" Itachi groaned as they tried to pull the blanket holding the blonde nation, "Why are you so…" Itachi _really_ didn't want to say 'fat', lest he get another American sobbing-fit, but when he looked behind him, he nearly fell to the floor.

America was sitting there, eating a Big Mac and fires (the milkshake was there too), oblivious to the suffering going on in front of him.

"You stupid fat-ass! I should..!" Itachi was about to start ranting and raving when the members of Team Uke looked to the side and saw Team Seme rushing past them (if you had listened closely, you could have heard Ivan cheering 'Wee!').

"One, two, pull!" The blanket moved a bit, "One, two, pull!" The semes had devised a smart idea (with the help of the ever-organized Germany at the reigns) and were closing in on the finish-line.

"No!" Itachi yelled, "This is not happening again, I won't allow it!" Itachi moved to try and get everyone to start pulling at the blanket again when… "Agh! Hating this!" He tripped on a bug.

A while later, the results were unanimous.

"Team Seme wins!"

* * *

**A/N: **

**( 1 ) For those of us who are both ****Naruto**** and ****Hetalia**** fans, you know that the same person who is Sasuke's Japanese voice actor is also the voice actor for England. Yay, trivia! **

**Team Seme- 400 **

**Team Uke- 300 **

**Ha ha! Please read, review and cheer on. The teams need your support! Especially Team Seme, they're not getting any love… **

**-Tyranno's girl.**


	38. Saya Hyuuga

_Mizuki Hoshigaki falls from the ceiling and onto the floor. He groans softly before more children and some animals come. They all cheer, "The Seme-Uke Games: Children-Side!" _

_Spotlight on: Saya Hyuuga_

_

* * *

_

The housing arrangement for the Seme-Uke Games was a bit odd. Seme Estate was on one side of the street, Uke Manor was on the other side. And next to the latter was a nice and comfy little bed-and-breakfast style house. It was in this house that the children of the competitors (along with their care-takers) were staying.

_7:30 AM._

In a beige and burgundy colored room, one could hear the familiar click-clacking of fingers on a keyboard. On a large bed with beige colored sheets we see a small girl with burgundy hair up in a small bun typing away furiously on a burgundy laptop.

"And a few more lines here…" She hummed, typing a bit more. "And… done!" Her pastel green eyes shined as she clicked print on her document. She hopped off of her bed and walked over to the printer she had asked to be placed in here.

Saya Hyuuga picked up the paper-work she had just printed out and, after checking it one more time, picked up her shoes and back-pack and headed out.

* * *

Good morning. My name is Saya Hyuuga. I am four years old and I ask to take a few moments of your time to talk about myself today. (Pulls down a screen and brings out a projector and her laptop) I have prepared a nice and simple PowerPoint in order to help this presentation along.

(A picture of Neji Hyuuga and Gaara Sabaku comes up)

These are my parents: My mother is the one with red hair and my father is the brunette.

(Then there's a picture of the Kazekage mansion in Sunagakure)

This is the mansion where we all live. It's located in scenic Sunagakure which is, well… Mostly sand. And rocks… And more sand… And sandstorms, you can't forget about the sandstorms.

I am an only child, but it works for me. Well… Except the whole no one noticing me thing. It gets _so_ annoying. I mean, I know that with things like the constant sandstorms, and Uncle Shukaku

(A Picture of the raccoon-dog demon pops up) to worry about someone like me would get pushed to the side.

But I really dislike the fact that the only time I can talk to my parents is when I submit a request to do so in the form of paperwork…

Thank you for your time.

* * *

As Saya walks through the house, trying to find the door, she has no choice but to regard some of the other kids. Well, she only focused on some of them.

Alexandr and Boris.

Ethan and Donner.

Kira and Ongakuhana.

And Mizuki and Hun.

Saya sighed.

* * *

As you have probably already guessed, I like animals. I want a pet _so _badly but my parents haven't had the time.

But that is going to change today!

* * *

Saya finally made it outside and walked around until she was able to walk to Uke Manor. She walked in and, to her amazing luck, Neji had decided to visit the red house and was currently conversing at the dining table.

After a moment, Gaara looked over and asked, "Saya? Shouldn't you be back at the Children's House?"

"I knew we shouldn't have trusted those princesses to watch our kids, they can't even defend themselves."

"Hey, _I_ can defend myself!" Midna yelled, popping in from nowhere but then disappearing again." The three just rolled their eyes before Saya held up the paper-work she had been working on.

"What's this?" Gaara asked, taking the paper. Saya took a breath before she began,

"I had to make it because you two only respond to things that are typed up like this. I have come to you two today in order to ask for a pet to provide companionship and entertainment for me." Gaara felt a bit sad at the first statement and Neji spoke up, taking the girl onto his lap,

"Saya… You don't have to go through all that just to get our attention. Now, tell Daddy what you want." Saya beamed before she began,

"I want a pet! Something strong, or big, or fluffy, or cute… Basically I want something like what Mizuki has!" The two adults blinked for a moment before they looked outside and saw Mizuki sitting at a bench and Hun holding up a stick. The black and blue-haired boy asked,

"What do you want me to do with that?"

"You throw the stick and I'll catch it!" Hun laughed. "Come on, it'll be fun!" Mizuki sighed before he took the stick and flung it somewhere. "Yay!" Hun barked as he ran after the stick. Neji frowned but Gaara huffed,

"Itachi's giving that boy a complex, I swear." Neji placed his daughter down and announced,

"Alright. Stay here, I'm going to go get you your pet, okay?" Saya gasped and with a big smile she hugged both of her parents, cheering,

"Yay! Thank you, thank you, thank you! You two are the greatest!"

_Two hours later…_

"Um…" Saya regarded the ball of fluff she now had in her hands.

"A guinea pig, Neji?" Gaara yelled, "Our daughter asks for a pet and you get her something that Shukaku would eat like candy while watching P.S. I Love You!" Neji sighed and tried to appease both of the ladies in his life,

"I needed to get her something that would be safe for her to handle. And besides, look! She loves it!"

Saya gave the white and brown fluff a poke.

"See?"

Saya turned and said, "Thanks Mom and Dad. I'm… Going to go play with little…" She looked at the fluff again, "Fluffy, here." When the girl walked out, Neji called after her,

"Have fun!" A few moments passed. Then,

"You're an idiot, you realize that Hyuuga?"

"Yes honey…" Neji sighed, "You tell me that every night we have sex too…"

* * *

Saya was sitting in the grass near a large bush and just watching her new… 'pet' frolic around."This isn't what I was expecting at all." She sighed. Fluffy wandered into the bush and there was an immediate snap followed by silence. "Hm? Fluffy? Where'd you go?" Saya asked as she walked towards the bush. The burgundy haired girl looked inside and gasped at what she saw.

"Hey! You ate my guinea pig!" A voice replied,

"I'm sorry. I was just so hungry…" Saya blinked again but reached a small hand out and touched something. "Ow!"

"I'm sorry!" Saya pulled her hand back and continued to look. "So… those are all your eyes?"

"Yes."

"Hm…" After a moment of looking at the creature in the bush, Saya smiled brightly and asked, "Would you like to come with me? I can make sure that you get more food and we can be best friends!"

"You… you would want to be friends with something like me?"

"Of course!"

* * *

Later on that day, Neji was just about to go back to Seme Estate. So he was saying his good-byes to all when there was a familiar screaming by the window. Neji and Gaara ran to the window, horrified when they saw their daughter swing by it.

"Saya? What are you doing?" Gaara yelled. Saya didn't hear them, she was having too much fun. The two adults ran outside and Gaara almost fainted at what awaited them. Saya was now climbing up a spider's web that had been created by a large (about the size of a king-sized bed), brown and shining purple spider!

"Saya…" Neji asked, "What is that?" The girl replied, much to the horror of her parents,

"This is Shimmer! She's my new pet!"

* * *

**A/N: Oh those crazy kids… **


	39. Tracy Has a Problem Part 1

**A/N: Sorry for the filler, I'm still working on two more challenges and my finals are coming up (Ack!). **

**Kakuzu- Yet you still **_**somehow**_** find a way to play Brawl... **

**TG- Shut up Hoku! But yeah, I just got a Wii a couple days ago and, besides all my important stuff, I've been trying to get through Story Mode. Wish me luck! Oh, and here's the chapter! **

* * *

_Tracy Has a Problem_

Tracy Skechit had a problem.

To him, this problem meant the world to him, it was _that _serious.

What was this horrendous problem?

Tracy sighed as he looked over at the Children's house. All those small, adorable, shining, happy faces. It was like a treasure. And when Hidan came barging into Uke Manor, his triplets in tow, Tracy had no choice but to watch as the albino played and rough-housed with his kids.

Later on, the kids had to go back to their quarters, and Hidan was actually quite grateful. "And people wonder why the fuck I only handle Kira… Damn, those boys are rough!"

Tracy had to ask. He wanted, nay, he _needed_ to know.

"Um… Hidan-san?" The albino looked over and asked,

"Yeah, what the fuck is it?" The olive-haired young man took a deep breath before he asked,

"How did you do it?"

"Do what?"

"You know, it."

"What?"

Tracy sighed before he began crying and latching onto the albino, "Please! I just need to know! You have three kids and I can't even get one! What is your secret?"

Tracy wanted kids. It was like his biological clock was spinning into over-drive. Oh, and when he heard that males could have kids, he was ecstatic.

But, alas, our young Pokémon watcher still had nothing to try for his efforts. It was driving him crazy, not being able to give Professor Oak a child!

* * *

"Please!"

"Get off of me!"

The other ukes looked over and saw Hidan trying to limp away from where Tracy was clutching onto his leg, dragging on the floor.

"Guys, guys, guys!" Itachi ran over and separated the two. "What the hell happened here? Hidan, did you try and beat up Deidara like you did when he ate all the cherries from the refrigerator back in Kirigakure?"

_Hidan opened the fridge and was looking around, craving a certain something. His eyes found the carton of cherries but his heart sank when he realized that it was sans cherries. _

"_AAAHHH!" He screamed, slamming the fridge door with enough force to break it. Then he pointed a finger towards Deidara, who had been sitting at the dining table, yelling, "You heathen idiot! YOU ATE ALL THE CHERRIES!" Deidara scoffed, standing up, _

"_Yeah, un! So what if I did, un! Are you going to break my arms or something?" _

_Two hours later… _

_We see Deidara laying in an infirmary bed with both of his arms in casts, James is sitting at his bedside. The bluenette sighed, _

"_You know, you really shouldn't give him ideas…" Deidara frowned before mocking, _

"'_You know, you really shouldn't give him ideas.'" James frowned before he punched one of the blonde's casts. _

"_Eep!" _

"_AAAGGGHHH!" The blonde's yells of pain were heard throughout the whole mansion._

"_He_ deserved it. But this guy keeps asking me weird stuff!" Everyone looked at Tracy before he stated,

"I just wanted to know Hidan's secret for getting pregnant, okay?" There were some laughs throughout the room before China spoke up,

"Most of the time you can't plan pregnancy, aru. It just happens, that's how I ended up with Hong Kong after that… ill-fated one-night stand with England…"

* * *

In his hotel room, Hong Kong sneezed for no apparent reason all of a sudden.

* * *

"I had no idea men could even get pregnant when I found out I was going to have Mizuki…" Itachi smiled, sitting down.

"_Well, Itachi…" The Akatsuki's resident Nurse Joy began, "After all the tests we ran, I found out the reason why you have been sick in the mornings and the reason for your weird food cravings." _

"_I knew it." The weasel began, "I've contracted some sort of strange virus, haven't I? I knew I shouldn't have gone into the damn Safari Zone looking for that stupid herb that Pein wanted!" _

"_No Itachi, it's not a virus." Nurse Joy giggled softly. She sighed, stepping back a bit and donning a flame-retardant suit. _

"_What's that for?" Itachi asked. Nurse Joy shook her head, _

"_Nothing, nothing!", before she put on the helmet. "Now, Itachi…" The nurse took a deep breath. "You're… pregnant." _

_3.. 2.. 1… _

"_WHAT?" The infirmary blasted in an inferno of flame. _

"So you see, Tracy…" Kabuto walked over and sat with his BFF, "When the time comes for you to have a baby, the time will come." The silver-haired male then smiled, "And then we can raise our babies together and have them dress in similar outfits and—"

"You're not making things any better!" Tracy cried. The ukes all sighed, wondering how the hell they would calm Tracy down. Then Tobi had a revelation,

"Let's eat a bunch of ice cream while watching baby-themed movies and talking about our experiences with kids! That ought to make everyone feel better!"

"ICE CREAM!" America cheered, "I'll be right back!" And with that, the blonde nation took the keys to the Uke bus and was gone.

This couldn't turn out too bad, right?

Right?

* * *

**A/N: To be continued! * Gets hit by a shoe * Ow! Damn it… **

**Guys, the time has come for another double post! That will be next week, however… **

**But next week, along with more challenges, you'll get to see about some more motherhood stories. Yay! **

**And, um, just one more thing I want to bring up. If you start seeing a preview for something or other in this story, don't fret, the Games aren't ending yet. I just want to see what people think about up-coming projects (you know, kind of like what I did for 'Legend of Hoshi: Metronome of Time' and 'The Seme-Uke Games). **

**Please read and review. **

**-Tyranno's girl.**


	40. Tracy Has a Problem Part 2

**A/N: **

…

…

**Okay, you guys, I have a **_**lot**_** of explaining to do. But first, * gets on knees and sobs * I'm **_**sorry**_** for not updating last week! Now, most people would leave it at that and go on with the fic, but I always give reasons for my shortcomings. So, four words: **

**Verizon. **

**And my computer. **

**Thursday and Friday and I had to stay at home because I had to wait for my internet modem to be delivered and I had to wait for the damn people to install the cable into my apartment. Not that the modem really matters now that my phone-line is dead! **

**And my computer! It deleted my word processor! Now I have to go and get the whole thing over-hauled… **

**But, now you know why I wasn't online last Friday. But, here's my new update! **

**Just a note, I don't know **_**what**_** it is, but when it gets to summer time, my life just goes insane. So, lots of shit will be happening… Anyway… **

**Disclaimer- I don't own anything but my sick computer…

* * *

**

"Well," Itachi began as he sat down with a carton of cookie dough ice cream, "Who wants to start?" All the ukes were lounging about the main room with ice cream in hand (or sharing a carton of the same flavor with someone else), and they had just put in the movie 'Baby Mama'. Tracy took a spoonful of the Moose Tracks ice cream he was sharing with Kabuto and spoke up,

"I'll just ask in order of who actually _has_ kids here." The olive-haired male looked around before he asked, "America, how were your early motherhood years?" The hero nation laughed, face already sticky with some random combination of ice cream flavors,

"Oh lord, first of all before I got with Braginski, I already had fifty. But they're all pretty much self-reliant." Then Alfred frowned, "Except when they call me at all hours of the day crying about one thing or another... Oh, and then the times when some of them will file class-action suits against me... And then Georgia acts _so_ mean all the time, I mean, I know she was originally a prison-colony, but damn... And-"

"Alfred, you're rambling again." Matthew groaned just as he was about to swallow a spoonful of Maple-syrup covered Maple ice cream.

"Oh yeah!" America chuckled, "But let me get back to the present. Well, to tell you the truth I probably would have had no fucking idea what to do with Alexandr when he was born if it weren't for... Um... What's her face? Not Nicaragua... Oh, Nigeria! Yeah, she was basically like my tutor when it came to raising kids!"

_"Come on!" Alfred (with longer hair, thanks to his new, forced-upon husband) was fussing and groaning as he tried to give the new baby, his new baby, a bath. But Alexandr was fussing so damn much, it was basically impossible! "Just calm down and get into the tub, damn it!" Alfred yelled and tried to force the baby into the bath-tub. _

_Coincidentally, the African nation of Nigeria was walking around Russia's mansion, looking for the male when she heard something that sounded like a war coming from the nearest bathroom. The dark-skinned woman looked into the room and immediately sighed, "What is going on here, now_** ( 1 )**_?" America looked behind himself and scoffed, _

_"Look here, ya third-world country, this has nothing to do with you so you can go away and-Hey!" In the middle of America's retort, Nigeria walked over and took Alexandr away before wrapping him in a towel. "Where are you takin' my baby, damn it?" Alfred yelled, following after the woman. _

_Chineme had gone down to the kitchen and held Alexandr with one arm on her hip as she looked around and got a small (just a bit bigger than a baby), wooden tub and set it into the sink. She turned on the water just as America bolted into the room. "I have half a mind to kick your ass, you..." The blonde trailed off as he saw Nigeria testing the water with her own hand until she deemed it right. She then slowly sat Alexandr into the water, the snowy-haired baby cooing softly and splashing around (not smiling in the least). The black-haired nation looked behind her for only a second before she said, _

_"You could have at least brought the soap for him, now." Alfred gulped before he nodded, _

_"Right.", and went to go get the baby soap and two soft wash-cloths from the bathroom. When he came back, he handed both of them to Nigeria and, after she thanked him, she stated, _

_"Pay attention, now." Before she slowly began washing Alexandr. She started from bottom to top, always being gentle, and when she got to his face, she reached for the other wash-cloth. _

_"I got that to dry him..." Alfred stated. Chineme simply shook her head before applying the faintest amount of soap and washing Alexandr's hair for a moment. She stopped and handed the cloth to America, saying, _

_"Be gentle, now." The blonde nodded before he gently caressed and rubbed the small patch of snow-white hair. After a moment, Alexandr got comfortable with the touch and began to try and move his hands up to meet his mother's hands. _

_Alfred laughed a bit, the serenity of the whole scene getting to him as Chineme filled up a small bowl of water and handed it to Alfred so he could slowly rinse the small one off. Afterwards, when Nigeria was wrapping Alexandr up in a towel (that she had been wise enough to get on her way downstairs) America sat down at the table and asked, "How do you know so much about kids? I mean, I just see you as a third-world militia/bourgeoisie country." Nigeria smiled softly, humming to the baby softly as she rocked him in the same manner. When he was drifting off, aurora eyes drifting close, she handed him to his mother and spoke softly, _

_"I have my own son, thanks to your father, along with nine wards of my own, now. I had to learn something when I was taking care of them all by myself." Chineme brushed one of her braids from her face and gently pet the baby's hair. "Besides, I couldn't let anything happen to my good friend Russia's first-born son, can I, now?" Nigeria began to walk off, when she stopped and stated, "By the way, Alfred, I am a second-world country on her way to becoming a first, now."_

"It's good to have a husband who's friends with a third-world, I think-AH!" America mused until he was cut off by a boot to the head. "Ow... Who was that?" He whined just in time for everyone to look over and see Nigeria at the window.

"What are you all looking at, now? He knows damn well that I am a second-world country, now!" The braid-haired woman sighed before she asked, "Can I have my boot back, now?"

"What are you even doing here, anyway?" Itachi asked as he handed the woman her footwear. She replied,

"I actually have to go see England about something, now."

"Oh, is it child-support time again?" America asked. Nigeria nodded and, with a salute, she was off. Canada huffed,

"At least you had someone like Nigeria to help you out, eh! I had to deal with him!" At this, Matthew pointed to France.

_"Oh, what a cute petit bébé!" France cooed over his grandson, little baby Ethan. "He is like a bon combination of Canada et Prussia, with a heaping sprinkle of moi to balance it all out!" _

_A few months after Ethan Beilschmidt was born, France had come to visit his son, Canada, and his good friend, Prussia, along with practically gushing over with how cute the teeny red-eyed blonde was. _

_The small baby boy was currently gumming on a Maple leaf plushie, Gilbird resting near his head and Kumajirou sleeping at his feet. "Mon pere..." Matthew sighed, "I think Ethan needs to go to sleep, and you might be making things a bit loud for him too-" _

_"Hey! Look what I just got from the attic of West's house!" Prussia yelled out, carrying a chest full of old toys and such. Immediately, Ethan stopped his gumming and began crying. _

_"Gilbert!" Matthew groaned, trying to get the baby to stop crying. After a few moments of unsuccessful attempts from both parents, Francis shook his head softly before bringing a pacifier out from his pocket and giving it to Ethan. _

_The baby blinked those wide red eyes for a moment before they became soft and sleepy almost instantly. When Ethan was humming and cooing around the pacifier, Gilbert asked, _

_"What the hell did you do?" France smirked before he said, as if it were completely normal, _

_"It is a wine-infused pacifier." _

_"What? Mon pere, you can't give a baby wine!" Matthew cried, trying to get the pacifier away from the child. France huffed, _

_"It's how I used to handle you and your brother when you were bébés, oui..."_

"Ethan better not grow up to have any problems..." Matthew frowned, glaring at France intensely.

"He will be fine, mon chere..." Francis laughed back, lapping at a wine Popsicle **(A/N: You can actually make these...)**. Itachi chuckled a bit before saying,

"Next please." Tracy looked around and said,

"What about you Feliciano?" N. Italy stopped eating his chocolate-mint gelato for a moment, replying,

"Ve... When Isabella decided that I was to be a mommy, I really didn't know what was going on." Lovino immediately gritted out,

"Because you're an idiot! Especially for falling in love with that damn potato!"

_"Ve... Fratello (Brother)?" Feliciano whispered meekly, walking into his older brother's room. It was one of the weekends where Lovino (after much crying and yelling and dragging) had managed to get his little brother to spend some time with him at his house instead of Germany's. _

_All had been going well until little Feliciano walked into his room, looking a bit more... confused than usual. _

_"What is it now?" _

_"Well," N. Italy sat down on his brother's bed and began, "My stomach's been feeling all crampy and I've been extra hungry, I mean, I know that I eat a lot already, but usually that's just pasta. I've been eating a lot of strange stuff, like pizza with chocolate gelato and tomatoes on top, or orange slices dipped in tomato sauce, or fish sprinkled with strawberry and garlic. Oh, and I've been feeling really tired! Not just my three o' clock siesta time, either... Ve... Maybe I should call Ludwig..." At that, S. Italy stopped his brother's rambling and stood straight up, yelling, _

_"Chigii! Why do you always have to try and call on that stupid potato-bastard? I'm your brother! Let's just go to Antonio's house and he can see what's wrong. I can handle whatever this is a thousand times better than he can!" _

_A quick trip to Spain later... _

_While the tests were being evaluated, the whole time Spain and the nations private physician had been blushing. _

_They knew all too well what was going on, but just decided to do the tests to calm the brothers down. _

_A few hours later, the physician walked over to Feliciano and started, "Now Mr. Vargas, I need you to take this very calmly..." He looked at the lackadaisical expression on the younger Italian's face before he turned to Lovino, "Now Mr. Vargas, I need _you_ to take this very calmly..." _

_"Get on with it!" S. Italy yelled, glaring daggers into the physician. The poor man sighed before he decided he had to drop the bomb. _

_"Feliciano is... is p... pregnant." _

_"Ve?" N. Italy tilted his head to the side, "But I thought only girls could get pregnant, ve..." Spain walked over and smiled, _

_"Congratulations Feliciano!" Meanwhile, something inside Lovino had broken. That potato-bastard... and his brother... baby? Lovino silently keeled over in a faint. "Ah, Lovi!" Spain cried, trying to revive the passed-out nation._

"You're just lucky that Isabella came out cute or else I would have killed your stupid potato of a husband!" Lovino growled beginning to choke his brother again. While they two were being forcibly separated Tracy asked,

"And you Itachi?" The weasel huffed,

"Let's see... what's to tell... Oh, how about Mizuki's first words?"

_Around when Mizuki Hoshigaki was two, he had taken in a lot from the world around him. He had taken in his mother's beauty and how they would spend the majority of every day together... _

_But he had also taken in the stupid giant shark that would take his mother away and try to take care of him (which usually resulted in Mizuki biting him). _

_It was after so much of this, Mizuki decided to let the intruding shark no how he felt about him. _

_After a full day of taking care of the small black and bluenette, Kisame came into the room and offered, "I can take him if you want..." Itachi gave a sigh of relief, handing the boy over to Kisame before stating, _

_"If you need me, I'll be taking a bath...", and leaving the room with a smile. Kisame waved him off before sitting down and sitting the boy on his knee. He loved kids, he really did. It's just that the way Mizuki tried staring him down (even though it was kind of cute) was kind of disheartening... _

_"...a..." Kisame was shocked to hear a small noise coming from his son's mouth. _

_"What was that? Hey, are you trying to say something?" Kisame chuckled. "Man, I wish I had a camera... Come on Mizuki, you can do it!" Mizuki narrowed his eyes before trying again, _

_"...ame..." _

_"Uh-huh... keep trying, don't give up!" _

_"..aka.. sa.. me..." Kisame blinked, before he smiled, _

_"Are you trying to say your dad's name? How cute! Come on, try again, you can do it!" Mizuki seemed to pout before he took a deep breath and spoke, _

_"Baka-same!" _

_"Huh?" Kisame felt himself shatter at that remark. Just then, Itachi walked back into the room, muttering something about, _

_"I forgot my shampoo and..." He looked over, "What just happened here?"_

_It seemed that for Mizuki, at least when it concerned Kisame, 'Baka-same' replaced 'father', 'please', 'thank you', and plenty more. _

_One time, Mizuki was trying in vain to reach a bag of cookies that was up on a higher shelf. After a while of the small baby trying in vain to get them, Kisame walked in and smirked as he picked up the bag. _

"_Well look what we have here? Looks like you're going to have to say a certain magic word in order to get me to give these to you." Mizuki frowned and huffed, _

"_Baka-same…" Kisame jolted in shock, the cookies falling to the ground. _

"So, that's the Mizukage outfit?" Itachi asked as he watched his new husband get ready for his coronation. Kisame smirked, you could literally feel the joy of all this rolling off him in waves. After Kisame put on the hat, the bluenette chuckled as he looked at his son.

"So, what do you think of your father, kid?" Mizuki looked at his father in his strange new clothes…And asked,

"Baka-kage?"

"Oh, are you shitting me?"

"I personally thought it was cute." Itachi smiled softly, "But Kisame really was struck by it." Everyone looked at Itachi with skeptical glances.

"No, because _everyone_ wants to hear their children call them an idiot..." Count D hummed around a spoonful of the sundae he had made himself. Itachi was about to say something when China scoffed,

"Like your kids were perfect, aru."

"Says the pot calling the kettle black!" Count D retorted. Just before a fight broke out, Tracy spoke,

"I'd like to hear from Count D, maybe..." The pet shop owner stuck his tongue out towards the nation before he began,

"Delirium and Demise are just two of the sweetest angels you could ever meet. I could have died happy the first day I got to see them playing with each other..."

_In Count D's pet shop, Leon was out doing his detective thing while Count D was tending the shop. He had just finished feeding his assortment of birds when his attention was drawn towards the small baby boy and girl who were crawling around on the blanket that had been laid out for them. _

"_Oh you two… I haven't tended to you two have I…" He looked at the blonde girl, "Delirium…" Then he looked at the black-haired boy, "And Demise." As if hearing her mother, Delirium silently began to push her brother away. Demise whined before he hit Delirium. _

_Then Delirium whined before she hit Demise back. _

_Count D simply sighed before he went to get some cake. Maybe something sweet would calm these two down. _

"Aw…" China mocked, "So _sweet_, aru." Count D frowned before muttering,

"Conquered nations say what?"

"What, aru?"

"Anyway…" Tracy said, taking out the dvd of 'Baby Mama' and putting in 'Baby Geniuses', "I think we should hear from…" He looked around before looking at the person this whole thing had started with, "Hidan!"

The albino groaned before he replied, "You want to hear something about babies? Fine, you can hear about when I had to give birth to those kids…"

"_Kakuzu…" Hidan groaned out, basically waddling though a field. The albino was about, oh nine months pregnant at this time but Kakuzu had insisted that they needed to go on their current mission. Despite the albino's obvious discomfort, Kakuzu made them keep walking. After a while, Hidan was forced to slow down for a breather. _

_Unfortunately, this caused Kakuzu to get a good thirty minutes ahead of him and by the time Hidan realized this, he was all alone in that damn field. _

"_Oh, you've got to be fucking kidding me…" Hidan groaned, panting heavily as he continued to waddle. "Here I am, pregnant… with triplets, as if being pregnant wasn't already a bitch… what was I saying? Oh yeah, and fuck-face the stupid scarecrow left me here in the middle of this damn corn field! I hate corn!" _

_A few hours later, Hidan had to sit down. "Oh Jashin, I'm exhausted…" Hidan simply decided that he wanted to sit down and catch his breath for a few moments. _

_A few moments later… _

"_MOTHER-FUCK!" Hidan screeched out as a sudden bolt of pain caused him to fall to the ground. "OH Jashin…" Hidan panted out… "No… No, I can't be… Going into labor now…" Another jolt of pain caused a scream to wrench from Hidan's throat. "Damn… I guess I am." It wasn't that the pain was really all that bad (being a Jashinist had its perks, you know…), but Hidan wanted Kakuzu to be there. "Kakuzu… you worthless son a bitch…" _

"_I wouldn't call me that if I were you." Ruby eyes snapped open to see tall, dark, and handsome known as Kakuzu looming above him. _

"_Kakuzu, where the hell have you been? I'm going in to fucking labor here and you've just been chasing some stupid-ass bounty and-" _

"_If you had been paying attention to me at all during this trip, you would have realized that I have been trying to get you to a male-pregnancy doctor." Kakuzu sighed, reaching for something in his pocket and pulling out a knife, "I guess I have to take care of this myself." _

"_Kakuzu?" Hidan whimpered, backing up, "What are you going to do with that?" _

"_I have to get the babies out of you. And since you're in labor, I can't exactly get you to a hospital." Hidan groaned. He never thought he would be having kids on the dirt in the middle of a corn field. _

_But hell, he couldn't fight it. _

_At least he would get some good pain from all of this. _

Everyone was a bit unnerved by the tale. "You had a c-section in the middle of a corn-field?" Kyle asked. Hidan nodded,

"And I've hated corn ever since." Everyone sighed before Tracy looked around,

"Okay, um, anyway… Oh, Ben!" The brunette hero looked up, "You are at least two years younger than me and you have two kids." The Pokémon watcher then frowned, "How the hell did that happen?"

Ben blushed and frowned. "It wasn't my fault, I didn't ask to have my dna fused with an emo-ass alien that gives birth every year without my permission!"

_For those of you who strictly watch anime only, Ben Tennyson is a teenager who has gained the ability to change into ten (or however many he is able to turn into now, I haven't had cable in ages, so I haven't been able to see if that number has changed) different aliens thanks to his alien DNA filled watch called the Omnitrix. _

_Anywho, one of his aliens is a depressed looking bug-human thing that Ben affectionately dubbed Big Chill. Anyway, after a while of fighting with his new aliens and dating Kevin and sleeping with Kevin, Big Chill decided to make an important appearance. _

_Which included going on a metal-eating rampage, completely pwning Kevin, Gwen, and that unnecessary bitch Julie _**( 2 )**_, ruining Gwen's little homecoming dance (that no one really gave a fuck about anyway) and all ending in Big Chill having a bunch of cute, little, tiny Big Chills. _

_This happened two more times, the little Chills flying away into space, before Ben decided, _

"_You know what? I actually want to keep two of them." _

"And that's how I ended up with Ken and Devlin." Ben showed a wallet-sized picture of his two and five and ½ year old.

"Aw, how cute…" Tracy snatched up the picture and began cooing over the cuteness. Ben quickly snatched it back, huffing,

"I'll take that, thank you." Tracy pouted before he looked around and asked,

"Deidara, you have Saso. What's it like?" The blonde hummed, thinking aloud,

"Saso has always been self-reliant, un. I mean, sure he always tries to cling on to me as much as possible…"

_For instance, their was the one time when, after Sasori had made it back to the Akatsuki and successfully had James kicked out (or the bluenette left, whichever side you're on…), the red-head wanted to get _properly _reunited with the artist. _

_But Saso wanted to be near his Mommy since his Father had gone, so… _

"_Saso, sweetie…" Deidara sighed, practically dragging his arm that the young blonde was clutching at, "Can you let go of Mommy, un… Please?" _

"_No." Saso replied._

"And whenever I have to go on a mission, he always tries to see if he can outsmart Pein into making someone else do it, un…"

"_Don't make him go. Please?" Saso looked up at Pein with wide greenish eyes. Pein sighed, damn kids trying to use their cuteness against him. _

"_I'm sorry but he has to and that's the end of it." Saso thought for a moment before he stated, _

"_So he has to go?" _

"_Yes." _

"_He definitely can't not go?" _

"_Huh? Um, I mean, yes?" _

"_So he has to go but he can't not go, but he can't stay but he cannot go later?" Pein could have sworn that he had a headache from what the boy just said, so he replied, _

"_Yes..?" _**( 3 ) **_Saso smiled, _

"_You said it, not me.", before he walked off and called out, "Mommy, Pein said that you don't have to go on your mission!" _

"How cute!" Tracy sighed, "See, the cuteness of a little kid is really something special! And that's why I want one too!" All of the ukes sighed, this really wasn't helping the situation with Tracy at all. Tobi, who had been given a carton of sugar-free ice cream (he was all ready hyper enough...) raised his hand and chimed,

"Tobi wants to talk about Ongakuhana! Please?" Itachi was about to relent and let his cousin speak when Gaara spoke up,

"I'm talking about Saya. He'll just have to wait a moment." So, with a teary-eyed Tobi sitting down patiently, Gaara began talking about his first days after bringing Saya home from the hospital...

_"Easy... easy..." Neji spoke softly, guiding his wife in while he himself carried a covered bassinette. Gaara had been in a prolonged hospital stay due to his labor basically taking all of his energy from him (even if Shukaku had been 'kind' enough to help). _

_But they had managed to get home and, after Gaara sat down on the couch, Neji brought the bassinette over and uncovered it after he sat down next to the red-head. _

_Little Saya Hyuuga squirmed a bit as the light hit her face but she looked around and gurgled a bit, a little bubble rising on the corner of her mouth, and reached for her parents. Gaara smiled softly before popping the little bubble with his finger. "She looks like you." Gaara sighed a bit. Neji raised an eyebrow, _

_"How do you figure?", before he rose a finger for his daughter to gum on, "She has hair like yours and beautiful pastel green eyes..." _

_"Still..." Gaara continued, taking the bassinette closer to himself, "I just hope that she doesn't mind having a monster for a mother." _

_"Stop it." Neji brought the red-head close to him, rubbing his hair, "You're not a monster. And besides, she's too cute to have come from anything not beautiful. My precious Tanuki-chan..." _

_Gaara smacked his husband upside the head. "Idiot."_

_"The winds howl like a lonesome wolf..." A soft voice sang out. Later on that evening, Gaara had taken Saya from her crib and was sitting in an old rocking chair on the porch. The baby girl was still sleeping, so Gaara was just aiding her sleep by singing a lullaby. _

_The only problem was that Sunagakuran lullabies are so depressing that Gaara was hard-pressed not to find one that made him feel sad. _

_"Searching for his family... _

_All taken by the desert storms... _

_Who show no mercy..." _

_Gaara stopped singing and sighed, "Maybe silence is the best lullaby."_

"Tobi wants to go! Tobi wants to go!" Tobi whined just as Gaara finished talking and they were putting on the DVD of 'Look Who's Talking'. Itachi pinched his eyebrows together before he sighed,

"Fine, if it will shut you up!" Tobi stopped whining for about a second before he giggled,

"Okay!"

_Ongakuhana was a simple girl even when she was barely two. She liked studying her letters and words, sitting outside, and just relaxing with her Mama and Papa. _

_Of course, Tobi had to get used to the sharp teeth and the whole bird-eating thing, but he adjusted to his adorable daughter's quirks. _

_It was a complete shock when she took her first steps, however. _

_It was a sunny day outside the Akatsuki Headquarters (this was before they moved to Kirigakure) and Tobi had decided that he was going to take his daughter on a picnic to celebrate the first day of Spring. _

_But, being the adorable idiot that he is, Tobi forgot the blanket... the food.. basically, everything he _needed_ to have a picnic. _

_"Oh boy." He sat Ongakuhana down and said, "Mama will be right back, okay?", before he walked back to the kitchen. Ongakuhana giggled, rolling around in the grass before her ears heard something. _

_Chirping. _

_And peeping. _

_Her wide orange eyes looked over and saw a group of birds roosting in a nearby bush. She cooed happily before she tried to reach for them, failing. _

_The birds looked over and laughed, chirping tauntingly. _

_Ongakuhana fumed before she tried to stand up but she flopped back onto her bottom, causing the birds to laugh some more. The green-skinned girl pouted before she took a deep breath and stood back up. _

_She wobbled a bit but managed to get a foot to the ground. Then she shakily planted one foot on the ground... _

_Then another... _

_Finally, when she had figured it out, she looked towards the birds with a malicious smirk. _

_The poor creatures gulped. _

_By the time Tobi came back out, he found his daughter covered in blood and feathers._

"That was such a fun day!" Tobi laughed, "And Ongakuhana learned to walk, so it was doubly fun!" After that, the ukes watched two more movies before Tracy asked,

"Hey, what about Hun?" Itachi rolled his eyes,

"Why do you need to know about the dog?"

"Well, isn't there anything you can remember that's mentionable?" Itachi hummed, thinking...

_"Um, Itachi-san?" Hun walked over and tugged at the Uchiha's sleeve. Itachi sighed before he looked down, _

_"What is it, Hun?" It was a few days after Mizuki had come home from one of his walks, the dog-boy Hun in tow, and Hun was trying to get one everyone's good side. _

_"I just wanted to get to know you better and-" All at once, Itachi had picked up a shiny red ball. Hun's eyes went wide and he began panting excitedly at the sight of the ball. _

_"See the ball?" _

_"Uh-huh!" _

_"See the ball, Hun?" Itachi waved the ball back and forth teasingly, making sure that he got Hun's attention, before he hurled the ball down the hall. "Go fetch the ball, Hun!" _

_Hun bolted down the hall after the shiny ball._

"No, nothing that I can think of." Itachi murmured.

**OMAKE**

"England!" Nigeria's loud voice yelled from the door of Seme Estate. "I demand that you open this door, now! Right now!" Meanwhile, England was holed up in his room, trying to see if he could get out of paying child-support again this month.

"All I have to do is stay hidden and make sure that that door does not open. Then I'll be scot-free!" When the banging knocks slowed down, England smiled in relief. A relief that was quickly and brutally shattered when he heard someone opened the door and say,

"Ah, Nigeria, my good friend! Privyet (Welcome)!"

"Damn you Russia!" England groaned.

* * *

After he realized that he couldn't hide anymore, Arthur walked down the stairs like a condemned man to the gallows. He made it to the main room just as Russia was introducing the woman to Kisame. Nigeria (Chineme) looked away from where she was shaking hands with the shark and called over,

"Alright Arthur! We go through this every month, now! You can just start filling out the check right now!" England groaned, why did he ever conquer Nigeria and move into her house? Well, a better question would be why did he sleep with her and then leave?

"What does Port Harcourt need?" England sighed, bringing out a check-book.

"Port Harcourt?" Kakashi asked, "Sounds exotic."

"He is." Nigeria beamed, bringing out her wallet and showing a picture of her and a little boy who shared large similarities to both Nigeria and England. The boy was in a school uniform and wore a blue beret just like his mama. "He's my little baby, now!"

"Hello! I'm making out the check!" England called out. Nigeria sat down by him. "What exactly does he need?"

"Well... He needs tuition for his next year of schooling, I need to buy a new one in order for his chauffeurs to drive him around, we're also trying to build him an amusement park so that people will come to visit. Also..."

"Here!" England shoved a check into Chineme's hand. "Here's two million pounds. Just go!"

* * *

**A/N: **

**( 1 ) Hey, it's Nigeria! (Who is playing against Argentina in the World Cup. Cheer her on, now!) A little tid-bit, a lot of Nigerians have the verbal habit of saying 'now' at the end of their sentences. Ex. 'So how do your day, now?'- 'How are you' **

**( 2 ) Yes, I have issues with Julie from Ben 10. Why is she there? Gwen, I can understand, but Julie? Meh… **

**( 3 ) Has anyone tried this and actually had it work? You know, confusing someone into agreeing with you by using a compound-negative sentence?**


	41. Trading Spaces: Seme Uke Games Style

**A/N: Sightlines, you better enjoy this because it was hard to write... jk, jk... But my cram-review classes have been kicking my ass so... **

**Yeah... **

**But, on a completely unrelated note, I managed to finish Story-mode in Brawl! **

**Hoku- Holy fucking crap, it took you three days? **

**TG- Yep! But now, onto important things... **

**Disclaimer- Except for my OCs (unless I could ever meet Hidekazu-sama and give him the rights to my Nigeria character) and my ideas, I don't own anything!

* * *

**

The next day, the event coordinators had successfully transferred the semes to Uke Manor and the ukes to Seme Estate. Why? For the challenge of the day: 'Trading Places! Redecorating Each other's houses!' The rules were that each team had to redecorate the main room of the other team's house. And whichever room didn't turn out God-awful, the team that decorated it would win.

* * *

"You know what this place needs?" America beamed as the ukes had been working on the decoration of Seme Estate.

"What Alfred?" Matthew asked, many of the ukes immediately groaning on how Canada had gotten his brother started. But Alfred only gave a bright grin and stated,

"Needs more sand." Itachi jumped up and groaned,

"More sand? America, we're surrounded by sand!" Indeed, America had been trying to go for an island-y theme for Seme Estate and had successfully filled the main room with sand from the local beach. "How much more sand could this place possibly need?" The hero nation shrugged his shoulders,

"Mm... Not much, just..." He held up two fingers, "Two cubic tons."

"Two cubic tons?" Kyle, Itachi, China, and Kabuto shrieked (doing the math mentally).

"You know, just..." Alfred went on, looking around the room. "Like in a little pile... over there." He pointed to a corner of the room, "Two cubic tons."

"America, do you know how much two cubic tons of sand is?" Ben cried **(A/N: Let's just say that that's a shit-load of sand)**. Abruptly, N. Italy, Tobi, and Naruto rushed into the main room, holding a box of bombs.

"Hey guys!" Naruto cheered, "Look what we found in Link's room!" The ukes turned just in time to see that all of the bombs were lit before the room blew up in an explosion of flame and smoke.

* * *

"So guys," Kisame started as the semes were ready to get started on their redecoration of Uke Manor. "What should we do first? Suggestions?"

"I got the stripper-pole!" Prussia yelled as he was bringing in a box containing a stainless-steel stripper-pole. All of the semes looked at him before the albino raised an eyebrow. "What, so we _don't_ need the stripper-pole?"

For a while, everyone was silent. Until Kisame looked around the main room, humming to himself, before he spoke up, "Okay, that's good! We can install the pole right here!", pointing to the center of the room.

* * *

"Now, as for color..." Itachi began, as they had successfully replaced all of the furniture that had been destroyed in the explosion (thankfully, the explosion had gotten rid of all the sand), "I'm thinking a nice, dark..."

"Orange!" Naruto and Tobi cheered. Itachi picked up what remained of the coffee table and threw it at them.

"No, God damn it, we are not painting this place orange!"

"How about green?" Ben asked, holding up a can of forest-green paint. Before Itachi could say anything, Tracy added,

"And we could off-set it with some blue!" Itachi held up a finger, but he muttered,

"That's actually not bad..."

And with that, the ukes began painting...

* * *

With the stripper-pole in the center of the room, the semes had decided that the main room of Uke Manor should be a mixture of fluffy, pinks and reds...

"How are the walls coming along Ivan?" Kisame asked as he walked over to where Russia was painting a wall a deep, deep red.

"What are you thinking Comrade?" Russia smiled. Kisame looked at the wall in awe.

"Wow, Ivan, where did you get this paint? It's so red!" Russia blinked,

"Paint?" Just then, Prussia walked over, clutching at his bleeding stomach. The albino groaned,

"Give me back my spleen, you bastard!"

* * *

"Okay, okay!" Itachi called out, looking everything over. The new room seemed great, Itachi only had two more things to add that would make this place all the more special.

* * *

"Okay!" The commentator spoke into the main camera that was feeding video to the audience back at the Crown Stadium. "Let's see how our teams have done with redecorating each other's main rooms." The commentator looked around before she spoke,

"And since Uke Manor is closest, we'll check on the semes!" The camera crew walked in, accompanied by both teams, and they slowly walked in. As soon as they opened the door, the first thing that went through everyone's minds was,

"Too much red!"

"It looks like the Soviet Union died in here!" America howled, covering his eyes. Abruptly, he felt Russia's dark aura behind him and he sighed, "No offense Ivan."

"None taken, dorogoy (Darling)." Itachi looked around at their new main room before he screamed at Kisame,

"What in God's name made you guys think we would like this?" This referred to the blood red walls, the burgundy couches, the salmon-colored carpet, the rose curtains, the pink TV, the cherry wood coffee table, and the cotton-candy toned pillows. Plus, all the frilly, red lace was... it looked like a burlesque-house gone bad, to tell you the truth.

The ukes were obviously horrified at the state of their main room, and were mentally thinking of how they were going to salvage it... When Itachi saw the piece de resistance in the center of the room.

"What the hell is this?" Kisame meeped in response,

"A stripper-pole?"

"A stripper-pole?" Itachi echoed and all the semes nodded. "I..." Itachi rose up a finger but shut his mouth. "You..." H e pointed a finger towards the males but stayed quiet. The weasel stayed quiet for a moment before he officially decided, "The pole I can understand, but the rest of this was an _epic_ fail."

"Well, we ain't interior decorators!" Turkey retorted, a few of the others nodding.

Before a conflict broke out, the commentator chuckled, "Let's see what the Ukes did with Seme Estate, huh?"

* * *

The main room of Seme Estate had been transformed into a elegant/modern combination of earthy tones and well-made furniture. The walls were a soft blue, nothing too imposing, with viridian borders. The furniture was comfortable-looking, all shades of blue and green to match the rest of the room.

All in all, it was beautiful.

"Whoa." Kisame was basically speechless. He turned to Team Uke, just to tell them how much of an awesome job they did when he saw something behind them. "No way..." Itachi had made sure to have a small bar-like area installed into the room.

"Booze!" All the semes cheered as they rushed the bar. Itachi shook his head and walked to the commentator, saying,

"I think you know all too well who won this competition."

**OMAKE **

Later on that evening, after the event, the semes were relaxing in their new main room, not at all mad that they had lost the event. Later on, Kisame had gotten up to get something to eat. As he walked by the counter, he saw something that caught his attention.

It was a book, a very thick book at that. The shark picked it up and opened it, reading the first page.

_Hello Captain of Team Seme... _

_This is just a little... welcome gift for your new main room. I hope you like it, all of us from Team Uke helped to make it. _

_Your love, _

_The Captain of Team Uke_

Kisame raised an eyebrow, just wondering what Itachi had done, before he turned a few pages...

He flinched, a bit of blood dripping from his nose.

From the main room of Uke Manor, Itachi had been using a telescope to watch Kisame. He turned around and smiled, "The games have just begun, my dear same..."

* * *

**A/N: **

**Team Seme: 400**

**Team Uke: 350**


	42. Heart of the Sword

It was a nice, sunny morning in Domino City. People were going to work, students to their classes, and there were some idiots playing children's card games while riding motorcycles **( 1 )**.

But enough about certain companies beating a dead horse...

Let us go to Seme Estate, shall we?

That morning, Nokoru Hoshigaki had decided to make a visit. But he didn't come alone. The older shark came bearing a long box. When asked about he called over to Kisame, "Look what I've got!" The bluenette looked over and grinned a toothy grin before he opened the box and whooped,

"Samehada!"

Both teams had gotten word that today's contest would be a competition in swordplay, so they were choosing their victims (contenders) and getting ready. During the Games, Kisame had asked his father to take care of his sword, but he was more than happy to have it back now.

After a heart-warming reunion, something in Kisame chilled.

"Um, Dad?" He chuckled nervously, "Where's the seal I put on Samehada?"

"Where's the what now?" Nokoru tilted his head. Before Kisame could even murmur 'crap', there was a large poof of smoke. When the smoke cleared, everyone saw a young woman with long blue hair, dark blue skin, and torn clothing sitting in Kisame's lap. Kisame frowned but the woman smiled, with extremely sharp teeth, before she glomped Kisame with enough force to knock him out of his seat.

"Hey, what's with the hot, half-naked chick?" Link asked as he was shining his Master Sword. Kisame groaned, trying to get the woman off of him before he called over to Russia,

"Hey, Ivan!"

"Da?"

"Remember when I told you I knew your pain when you first told me about Belarus?" When the large nation nodded, Kisame continued, nodding towards the woman, "Meet Samehada."

* * *

As we all know, when a swordsman is really good in his art, their weapon will, over time, seem to have a spirit of their own. This is the case with many famous weapons: The Master Sword, Excalibur... Well, those were a few.

The Mist swordsmen, after a few years with their weapons, realized that they had this problem. Usually, it wasn't that bad, having someone to talk with and encourage you on the fields of battle.

Samehada **( 2 )**... wasn't like that.

Sure, she was beautiful (both in sword and spirit-form) but she was so _temperamental_. Oh, and don't get her started on one Itachi Uchiha.

She hated the weasel, only for the reason that Kisame had slept with him and not her, and Kisame had had a child with him and not her, and that Kisame had married him and not her...

It went on like this mostly...

* * *

Later on that afternoon, both Teams had made it back to the Crown Stadium. The names of the competitors had been given to the event coordinators, so all they had to do was sort them into the computer to make the matches up.

"Good afternoon everyone!" The commentator addressed the audience, "Are you all ready for a show in astounding swordsmanship?"

The crowds cheered.

"Good! Now let's not waste any time because our sponsors here want to see some action and..." The commentator sighed as she got a cue from one of the event-coordinators. She rolled her eyes before reading from a sheet of paper, "'Let's take some time to recognize some of our wonderful sponsors...

Today's events have been brought to you by...

'OMFG Pain-killer', when you're literally screaming 'OH MY FUCKING GOD!' in pain, reach for some of that good, old-fashioned OMFG Pain-killer.

Also by

Smash Bros. Grade Weapon Polish. 'Hey, if it's good enough to be used by a bunch of Nintendo characters, then why the hell aren't you using it?'"

After that, the main screen scrolled through pictures of the contenders before it landed on...

"The Captain of Team Seme, Kisame Hoshigaki versus Pit the Angel!" Kisame groaned, why did he have to be the one to go up against cute little Pit? But, as he went to the arena, Kisame had another problem.

"Sameheada, I have to fight now..." Samehada still hadn't returned to her sword-form and Kisame kind of had to go up against Pit. "Please change back..."

"Why? You'll just seal me up and then you'll never marry me~!" Samehada whined in response. Kisame rolled his eyes. He didn't want to do what he had to do next, he really didn't, but desperate times call for desperate measures...

The shark fell to his knees and began begging, "Please baby, please! I'm literally on my knees here, woman! Please, change back for me, please! Come on Samehada, I am begging you! Come on, have mercy on a same!" Samehada raised an eyebrow before she sighed,

"Alright...", and changed back into her sword-form. Kisame grabbed his sword, smirking,

"Works every time." The shark walked up to the arena, where Pit had been waiting politely. The angel just looked so cute~! Kisame was afraid that if he even looked at him too long, he would get hurt. The brunette angel looked over and smiled,

"Hello Kisame! I hope that we have a good match!" Kisame waved back,

"I hope so too..."

"Now then!" The commentator began, "3.. 2.. Begin!" All at once, Pit went from cute angel to heavenly soldier as he brought out his sacred bow and split it into its two sword-form.

"Aw crap..." Kisame sighed. Pit got a running start before jumping into flight and launching an attack towards Kisame, spinning his blades rapidly. Kisame blocked them with Samehada before jumping back a few feet. Pit huffed before he charged again, slashing at the shark but only managing to hit air as Kisame kept dodging.

"Comrade, why are you running?" Russia called out after a while of this. Kisame yelled back,

"He's too fragile! If I hurt him too badly, Ike will kill me!" Pit managed to get Kisame in the arm once and Kisame decided that enough was enough. He stood his ground and gave a quick, medium-strength of Samehada (not enough to injure, but enough to repel).

_RRIIPP!_

Let's just say it didn't turn out how Kisame had planned. Samehada had successfully gotten Pit to stop... by shredding his clothes off. After a few seconds of standing there, naked and in shock, Pit blushed pure crimson before covering himself with his wings and running off screaming in embarrassment.

"Pit, come back!" Ike called out, running after his love. He turned to Kisame, however, and gave him a death glare before he was completely gone.

"See!" Kisame yelled, "This is exactly the type of thing I was trying to avoid!"

* * *

The next match was between...

"Mercenary for hire Christophe and Heracles, a.k.a the nation of Greece!"

The grungy-looking mercenary put out his cigarette and walked over to the arena at the same time that Greece had just woken up from his latest nap and was walking over, rubbing at his eyes.

"So Sadiq..." Kisame asked, rubbing his arm where Ike had punched him, "What is Greece's fighting style, if I may ask?" Turkey replied, readjusting his mask,

"Well, he has the sword that his mama gave him... That's as far as I've seen him fight, though I know he has somethin' else."

At the arena, Christophe had pulled out two assassin's daggers from his pockets and was prepping himself for battle whereas Greece had pulled a beautiful blue and silver, cross-shaped blade and a shield with a cross-shaped insignia from thin air.

"Ready..." The commentator began. "Go!" At first, it seemed like neither combatant was moving. But to an experienced eye, one could see that they were waiting for one of them to make a move. The field was quiet.

Christophe had only moved his wrist a tiny fraction before Greece rushed at him, swinging with all the grace and power of his Spartan ancestors. Christophe blocked the attacks with his daggers before fighting back, swinging, and stabbing his daggers towards the nation.

The sounds of steel clashing over and over rang out through the stadium as the two combatants went at it. Greece abruptly unstrapped the shield from his arm and flung it towards Christophe. Unfortunately, that was such a shock that Christophe didn't have the time to dodge and the shield hit him in the chest.

Heracles smirked, just barely, before he charged at the mercenary, swinging his sword again. The two were locked in fierce combat, rushing around the arena all while clashing with their blades.

Suddenly...

_CHIING!_

Both combatant's weapons flew through the air and landed outside of the arena. Christophe and Greece glared at each other in silence for a moment before the commentator was about to announce,

"It's a t-!"

They both reached behind themselves, revealing,

"Shovels? You have to be kidding!" Bayonetta sighed. No joke, both combatants had brought out their second weapons of choice and, coincidentally, they both happened to be shovels. Christophe raised an eyebrow,

"You deeg?" Greece nodded,

"The only way I can survey my mother's ruins..." They circled each other warily before Heracles yawned a bit. Christophe rushed forward, trying to hit Heracles in the head to end it, but Greece quickly parried the attack, thrusting his shovel forward in order to get a good shot at Christophe's chest. Christophe kicked Greece away before he started his onslaught of swings and thrusts.

Both of them fought viciously, not letting up in the least before there was another loud sound. One of the shovels had fallen to the floor. It was Greece's. But, rather than take advantage of this, Christophe stepped back and said,

"Aren't you goeeng to get zat?" Heracles blinked but he walked over and got his shovel. They stood in front of each other for a moment before they began fighting.

It went on, both of them exerting all of their strength into their attacks, before Greece smiled and pointed downwards towards Christophe's feet. The mercenary looked down and saw a bunch of cats nuzzling at his legs and pawing at him.

"What ze hell is zis?" Christophe yelled, actually kicking a few of the cats away. Greece sighed,

"I wouldn't have done that if I were you..."

"What do you..?" Christophe almost asked but when he looked down again, he got his answer. The group of cast were inching towards him with narrowed eyes and hissing mouths. "Oh sheet! AAHH!" Christophe yelled as the cats attacked him all at once.

By the time they were finished, Christophe had to be carried off in a stretcher in order to get his cuts and scratches healed. "Zis is not over, Heracles! I weel have a rematch!" Christophe yelled as he was carried away.

* * *

"Arthur Kirkland, a.k.a. England, vs Sheik the Sheikaiah!" Both combatants walked to the stage but, something was off.

"Um, England?" Sheik asked, "Where's your weapon?" England smirked before he gave a whistle. At that, his brothers (Ireland and Scotland) and his smallest son Peter Kirkland (Sealand) were dragging a wagon towards the arena. In the wagon, was a giant stone with a sword protruding from it. When they were finally at the arena, Ireland scoffed,

"Oh, to hell with it!", and tipped the wagon over, the rock falling to the stage with a 'boom'.

"Oi, watch it you louts!" Arthur yelled, "Do you want damage the sacred sword?" Ireland rolled his eyes at his little brother's attitude. Not even a thank you? Rick rolled his eyes before singing,

_"K-I-S-S _

_M-Y _

_A-S-S, Spells,_" He turned and pointed towards his behind, _"Kiss my ass!"_ , before he walked away. After the others were gone and the combatants were deemed ready, they got the signal to begin. Sheik stood still as he watched Arthur, but then the blonde nation walked over, asking,

"Aren't you even going to try and do something- AH!" England yelled as something tripped him up and sent him falling to the floor. He looked over and saw that Sheik was holding an almost invisible chain in his hands. Arthur huffed before he ran back to the stone.

"I now summon the mighty blade Excalibur!" England called out as he pulled the regal looking sword from the stone. There was a shining light that filled the whole audience. Yet, when it abated...

Everyone looked in silent shock as they saw a cute little white... thing** ( A/N: I have no idea how the hell to describe it) **standing in the middle of Sheik and England. It was all white, from its top hat, to its fancy coat, to its skin. And it had a long pointy nose and beady black eyes. As it turned, it squeaked **( 3 )**.

England screamed, wondering how the _hell_ did he manage to summon this? "What... What are you?" The gentlemanly nation asked. The creature turned and scoffed,

"How dare you not know the visage of the great and almighty Excalibur!"

England screamed again as everyone had a general 'wtf' expression. You could even see it in Sheik's normally stoic red eyes. Meanwhile, Excalibur saw that everyone's attention was on him.

Perfect.

He brought up his cane and announced, "I will now show you all the proper way to fight using the mighty Excalibur!" He walked towards Sheik, the Sheikaih arming himself with his chain. But Excalibur stopped and, after a moment, he began jumping and dancing while spinning his cane and singing,

_'Excalibur~! _

_Excalibur~! _

_From the United King.! _

_I am looking for him! _

_I'm going to California!'_

England wanted to die, this was so mortifying! How could his magic screw him over like this? But Sheik was silent as he watched the funny little thing dance and sing again,

_'Excalibur~! _

_Excalibur~! _

_From the United King.! _

_I am looking for him! _

_I'm going to California! _

_Excalibur~! _

_Excalibur~! _

_Excalibur!'_

All was silent. Then, if you looked closely, you could see Sheik twitching ever so slightly... Before he bust into laughter. The blonde Sheikaiah clutched at his stomach, he was laughing so hard, and soon he ended up falling to the ground, still laughing. Most of the audience joined him in laughter, much to England's dismay. But, after a while, the commentator laughed out,

"Sheik is- ha ha!- unable to continue the fight! Ha ha ha! England wins by- by default!" While some of the event coordinators carried Sheik away, Excalibur turned towards England and spoke,

"A 'thank you' would be nice."

* * *

Gregory successfully dodged Link as the blonde hero of time tried to execute a spin attack on him. When Link stopped, he groaned, "Damn it, those attacks always make me dizzy…" Gregory smiled before he brought his fencing-blade in front of him and stated,

"Now, behold, the fighting style of a true mercenary!" Gregory went on the attack, determined with the fire of the fight in him when…

"Ah! Hating this!" He tripped on a bug. But he was able to sit up and when he saw his bleeding knee, he clutched at it and hissed before he gasped, "Ah…" Hiss… "Ah…" His… "Ah..." Hiss… "Ah…" Hiss… "Ah…" **( 4 )**

"Does this mean that I win?" Link asked. Gregory nodded before he hissed again.

* * *

If you knew Ike the mercenary, you would learn four things about him very quickly.

Number one: He was usually the strong, silent type; preferring to keep to himself.

Number two: He cared very deeply for his friends.

Number three: He liked meat. Fowl, beef, fish, it didn't really matter.

And, finally, Number four: He was very, very, _very_ territorial when it came to Pit.

Unfortunately, France didn't know any of these things while he was fighting the mercenary (his own fencing skills, up to this point, doing wonders against Ike's sword skill). So, being the talkative person he is...

"I must say, your petite angel is trés cute!" Immediately, Ike's eyebrow twitched and he called back,

"What do you mean?" Francis added,

"Well, we were all about to take a trip to the store when he asked me..." France didn't even get to finish his sentence before a rainbow-colored aura surrounded Ike, the bluenette's eyes now a sharp yellow. Ike growled,

"What did you do to Pit?"

"Holy crap, did you just go into Final Smash mode without using a Smash Ball? Isn't that against the rules?", France yelped.

"Screw the rules, I have..." Ike flung his sword towards France, the golden blade sending the nation up into the air. The bluenette mercenary jumped up and grabbed the sword before executing numerous consecutive hits, all resulting in vibrant, red flames. "GREAT..."

"Ooh, pretty!" Everyone else awed as they looked at the air show.

"...AETHER!" With that yell, Ike slammed the sword, and Francis, down to the ground, the explosive impact sending France out of the ring.

Lesson learned: Don't mess with Pit, don't go near Pit, and don't even sleep in the same room as Pit.

* * *

"Da ze!" Korea cheered as he ran towards the arena. The computer had matched up a fight between Im Yong Soo (Korea) and Marth the swordsman Prince. Both of the combatants had gone to the field and were waiting for their cue. Marth got his elegant sword from its holster while Korea brought out a Korean-style blade, curved on the inside with a golden handle. "I'm going to show all of you where sword-fighting originated in!"

"No wait." Every groaned, "Let us guess. Korea?"

"Da ze!" Yong Soo cheered. After getting the symbol to start, Marth used his incredible agility to unleash a flurry of slashes towards Korea. Yong Soo countered before he raised his leg and gave a powerful kick that sent Marth to the floor. The young Prince groaned but managed to move out of the way before Korea's sword made contact.

Marth executed one of his beautiful sword-dances, which managed to get Korea a few times before the spastic nation grabbed the bluenette and tossed him above himself. When Marth was close enough, Yong Soo kicked Marth from the front, "Poun..."

From the top, "..Cing..."

Finally, from the back, "Tiger!" **( 5 )**, sending the young male to the floor. Marth groaned as the audience cheered at the action. How was he getting his ass handed to him by Korea of all nations? No way.

Marth jumped back a bit before he brought his sword close to himself in a familiar pose. Korea took this for an open opportunity to attack. So he charged, meaning to attack the young male, but not at all expecting to be parried away by a swift, but powerful counter-attack.

Korea fell to the floor a few feet away before he stood right back up, chuckling, "That was pretty good, da ze, but..." Yong Soo abruptly stopped speaking. The nation swayed a bit, sighing, "I feel dizzy all of a sudden, da ze...," before he seemed to pass out.

On his feet.

"Um... Yong Soo?" Marth asked gingerly. Everyone watched on, wondering if something had happened to the cocoa-haired nation.

Suddenly, Korea's eyes opened. But they were different. _Darker_. And then, in a whirl of fabric, Korea reappeared, now dressed in the military-uniform of a certain, still-communist nation. He frowned before getting into a new fighting stance, a gong sounding somewhere in the background **( 5a )**.

"Aiya, it's North Korea!" China groaned.

You would only know it if you were close to the nation, but Korea had a _heavily_ split personality. The loud, out-spoken, happy-go-lucky, everything originated in me one was for South Korea...

...And the cruel, military-minded, harsh, commanding, everything-must-conform-to-my-standards one was for North Korea.

"Hello North!" Russia waved. N. Korea silently nodded in Russia's direction before he went back on the attack. Marth, a bit confused about what had just happened, was forced to go on the defensive as the nation unleashed a flurry of attacks towards him.

It didn't matter all that much though because, in a flash, N. Korea moved behind Marth, grabbed the teen and flung him out of the ring.

After he had defeated Marth, N. Korea marched straight over to the ukes before he briskly grabbed China, swallowing him into a quick, deep kiss before he grasped at his vital regions and announced, "_This_ is mine!" Then he moved his hand towards Yao's stomach, "_This_ is where my babies will come from!" Poor China blushed heavily before he brought out his wok and knocked N. Korea over the head with it.

The injured male blinked and mumbled in a daze for a moment before, in a whirl of fabric, Korea came back all dressed up in his purple and white hanbok. "Did I go somewhere just now, da ze?"

* * *

Roy hated this day. Why? Because of _all_ the people he had to be chose to fight, he had to fight the immortal, sado-masochistic, slightly **(A/N: 'Slightly'?)** unhinged Jashinist, Hidan.

And to make matters even worse, Hidan had managed to cut Roy and get some of his blood. So now Hidan was in reaper-mode and anything Roy did to the albino was done right back to him.

"Kisame~" He called to his team captain, "How am I supposed to fight him?"

"Figure something out!" Kisame called back. The red-head whined for a moment.

"Wait a minute!" Roy stopped all movement as an idea came to him. "I think I know how to deal with this!" The red-headed Prince stood right in front of Hidan, holding his sword (now back in its holster) in front of him. Hidan laughed, wondering what the hell Roy was going to do. Roy took a deep breath before he swung the covered weapon...

... right into his crotch.

Both the red-head and the albino howled in pain before they fell to the floor, writhing and sobbing in pain. "YOU FUCKING DUMBASS!" Hidan yelled.

"HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL? FUCK!", Roy howled back.

"Seeing as how both of these competitors are complete morons..." Bayonetta announced, "That match will be classified as a tie."

Both Roy and Hidan groaned.

* * *

Next up, Orochimaru slowly walked up to the arena before he chuckled and called over to his opponent,

"Kukuku… Why don't you give up now? I wouldn't want to hurt someone as pretty as you…" Count D smiled before he replied,

"Don't worry, you won't." When the signal was given, Orochimaru coughed out his sword with the snake-shaped handle before he went on the attack. Count D just stood there, smiling.

Just when the Otokage was about to attack, there was a loud clang throughout the arena. Everyone looked and gasped as they saw that the Count had stopped the attack…

With his nails.

"What the hell?" Orochimaru hissed before he jumped back. The pet shop owner chuckled before he stated,

"You would do well to watch yourself, dear Otokage," he kissed his nails, "Because this cat has claws." In a flash, Count D had rushed over and slashed towards the Sanin. Orochimaru was able to jump back but still lost some of his clothing from the sheer sharpness of the nails.

"A challenge then?" He smirked. Count D smirked back before they got into the real fighting.

It was the longest fight of the day, really. And soon Orochimaru had to resort to desperate measures. He performed a few hand-signs before a group of snakes appeared and began to slither towards the Count.

When they were close to him, Count D didn't even flinch. He just blinked before he beamed, "How cute~!" He knelt down and waited for the snakes to slither onto him. Then he began talking to them, asking about their ages and birthdays…

Orochimaru was silent. When the commentator asked him what was happening, he just silently walked off the arena-stage.

* * *

"Ve! Please don't hurt me~!" N. Italy ran around the arena, waving a larger version of his Flag of Surrender, while Sasuke chased him down with his Chidori Sword. This seemed to be a horribly mismatched match to most. And it was horribly infuriating for the young Uchiha.

"Damn it all, Feliciano!" Sasuke gritted out, "Would you surrender or fight already?" All of a sudden, Feliciano stopped and smiled,

"Okay!" Then he removed the white fabric of the flag. Sasuke was about to ask what the hell the pasta-loving nation was doing before...

_SMACK!_

"Ow! My face! What are the fangirls going to stare at now~?" He groaned, rubbing the side of his head where N. Italy had just hit him with... with... "What the hell did you just hit me with, anyway?" Feliciano smiled,

"The stick of submission, ve...," holding the stick beside himself. Sasuke sputtered in disbelief before he asked,

"What the fuck does that mean?" N. Italy giggled again before he looked, actually _looked_ towards Sasuke. He opened his usually closed eyes, revealing that beautiful amber, and smirked,

"It means I'm going to smack you upside the head with this stick until I make you my bitch, Sasuke!"

"_Excuse_ me-Ack!" Sasuke shook his head in disbelief before he was suddenly smacked upside the head again. Everyone watched in awe as Feliciano continued a vicious onslaught of attacks onto the poor navy-bluenette.

"Wow…" Bayonetta blinked, honestly surprised, "N. Italy just may succeed in making Sasuke his bitch."

"OH, HELL NO!" Sasuke roared and everyone's attention snapped back to the arena. Sasuke's eyes were glaring red and you could see his chakra floating around him in his rage. He yelled, "Sasuke Uchiha submits to _no_ man!" He got his sword back and began charging towards Feliciano, almost about to make an attack.

But the poor nation started crying as he put the white fabric back on the stick and waved the Flag of Surrender around. "Please~! Don't hurt me! I'll do anything!"

* * *

The next match was between that ball of sunshine Zabuza Momochi and America. After a quick conversation with his sword, Zabuza brought it out in front of him. Alfred smirked before he brought out a cast-iron skillet.

"Aiya!" China yelled right before Hungary added from her seat in the audience,

"America, how dare you steal our fighting styles!" Alfred then huffed,

"I don't use your guys's fighting styles! Elizaveta (Hungary) you use the Hungarian style of Frying-Pan fighting and China uses his wok-fu!" America held up his own weapon of choice, "I, on the other hand, am going to demonstrate the Prairie-style of Frying-Pan fighting."

After that, both fighters got into position and, as soon as Shuichi gave the signal from the judges' table, Zabuza performed a few hand-signs before the whole arena was surrounded by mist.

"Oh..." Finland sighed, "Now we can't see the fight..." Meanwhile, Alfred looked around at all the mist, growing more and more fearful by the second. A while later...

"AGH! I remember this movie!" America screamed as he looked at all the mist surrounding him. In a terrified panic, he began running and swinging his cast-iron skillet around, yelling, "I couldn't sleep with the lights off for five days after watching 'The Mist'! You're not going to get me you mist-monster-ghost-things!" Alfred kept screaming and swinging until a loud clang was heard.

Instantly, the mist cleared and everyone could see the source of the noise. Alfred had managed, in his frightened flurry, to hit Zabuza, point-blank in the face, with the skillet. The blonde moved the utensil before Zabuza groaned and passed out, falling backwards.

"And he is out of here..." Zabuza's sword stated.

* * *

"Okay..." Raiga sighed as his two sword spirits were acting like hyperactive idiots behind him. "Let's go, Rai and Rae!" The two sword-spirits happened to be twins who looked exactly the same but acted like complete ditzes.

"Let's go Rae-chan!" Rai cheered.

"Right behind you Rai-chan!" Rae replied. They two girls gave each other high-fives before stating, "Wonder Twin powers... Activate!"

"Stop saying that, damn it!" Raiga yelled. The twins ignored him and went on, Rai speaking,

"Form of... a lightening blade!", before, in a poof of smoke, she had transformed into one of Raiga's swords. Rae jumped up and said,

"Shape of... another lightening blade!", before she had shifted into the other sword. Raiga grabbed both blades and got into his position in the arena.

China smiled before bringing out a wok and a ladle from absolutely nowhere and getting into his fighting stance. "Go China! Use your wok-fu on 'em!" America cheered.

"Stop calling it that, aru!" Yao yelled back.

The signal sounded and China jumped into the air before landing in front of Raiga and swinging his wok at him. Raiga dodged before he swung one of his blades, creating a stream of electricity.

Yao yelped before he shielded himself with the wok. The electricity bounced off of the coking utensil and back towards Raiga, making a direct hit. "Yes!" Yao cheered. But when the energy dissipated, Raiga looked towards the nation and stated,

"I'm used to it!"

After that, for while, it was a battle of electricity and Asian cuisine as Raiga and China attacked each other with vicious blows. China had to jump back a few feet while he thought up a new strategy. Raiga welcomed the break and thought of what he could do and he opted for trying another lightening attack.

Yao went to shield himself, but it wasn't the wok that Raiga aimed for… With a mighty crackle, the lighting hit the ladle that China held. "AIYA!" He yelled as he was electrocuted. When the energy was gone, Yao coughed slightly before he fell to the ground.

* * *

"Will Shadow and Canada please report to the arena?" The commentator called out. They both walked up before Shadow brought out a dark-looking sword before he looked at the nearly unnoticeable blonde and asked,

"Where's your weapon?"

"Oh, right!" Matthew chuckled nervously before he brought a Hockey-stick out of thin air. Shadow's eyebrow twitched before he put up his hands, speaking up,

"No. No way!" The black and red-haired male walked off the stage.

"Shadow~!" Sonic called out, "Where are you going?"

"Do you know how much my 'bad-ass' reputation points would go down if anyone saw me fighting _him_?"

"So… You lose, right?", Shuichi asked from the judges table. Shadow blinked before he snapped his fingers and he disappeared in a flash of light…

… Just to land on the judges table right in front of the pink-haired rocker. He kneeled down and stared into frightened eyes before he stated,

"I never lose. I just refuse to win.", before he walked off.

* * *

"Wow..." Spain laughed as he brought his weapon of choice out of its chest. It looked like a heavy claw made out of steel with knives for nails all attached to a chain **( 6 )**. "My cat-claw... I haven't used this since the Spanish Inquisition." Itachi had brought out his red and black katana and was more than ready to show everyone how an Uchiha really kicks ass.

_(Cue the voice from SpongeBob Squarepants) Five minutes later..._

"OH DEAR GOD, GET ME OUT OF HERE!" In no time, Spain had remembered all the cruel skills that he had developed during the Inquisition and had disarmed Itachi, torn off some of his clothes, and just had the Uchiha at his mercy.

"¿Qué pasa, hermoso? ¿La comadreja consiguió la lengua? ¡Ha ha! (What's wrong, beautiful? Weasel got your tongue?)"

After a while of having the brunette on the run, Kisame walked over to the judges and asked, "Can we end the match? I would like to have my wife in one piece by the end of all this."

* * *

"You're too slow!" **( 6 )** Sonic jeered at Russia as he rushed by, managing to knick the man with his medieval sword. Russia growled softly as he tried to get a hand on the bluenette but Sonic simply rushed by and hit Russia again, saying, "You're too slow!"

Russia tried swinging his pipe at where Sonic was now standing but just missed as Sonic rushed out of the way. "Come on, step it up!" Sonic laughed as he hit Ivan again.

Russia growled yet again, his anger rising. Sonic had the keenest ability to be annoying without even trying to be and that ability was really starting to get to Ivan. It was when Sonic rushed by again, however, that Russia smirked; an idea forming in his head.

"You're too-!"

BAM!

Russia slammed his pipe right into Sonic's face as he tried to rush by again. The bluenette male barely made a sound as he sank to the floor, unconscious. Russia smirked before he spoke, "You're too dumb!"

* * *

At the end of the day, after various injuries had been tended to and vendettas had been reached, the verdict had been brutally obvious.

"After a defeat of 10-4… With one tie…"

Roy and Hidan's groans could be heard.

"The victors of this match are Team Seme!" As the semes whooped and cheered, the ukes simply sighed and groaned. Not even Itachi could say anything because Spain had given him such a crushing defeat…

* * *

**A/N: **

**Team Seme- 450 **

**Team Uke- 350 **

**( 1 ) Yes, I have issues with ****Yu-Gi-Oh! 5Ds****… The plot-line is horrible, and the whole concept of dueling on motorcycles? God damn it 4kids… **

**( 2 ) Its another part of my AU. Samehada is such a good weapon, but she's so angry towards Itachi for taking Kisame away from her. Ah, love… This was influenced even more because of the part in the manga when Samehada was being a bitch and turned on Kisame. **

**( 3 ) Everyone, meet Excalibur from Soul Eater. The song that he sang is actually his song that he sings in the anime. **

**( 4 ) Okay, people who watch 'Family Guy', what is with the whole hissing in pain for like thirty minutes when they get hurt? **

**( 5 ) Korea's fighting style, I got from the game Soul Caliber and the character Yun Seoung. **

**( 5a ) Meet North Korea. I personally don't think that just because North and South Korea are split up that they should have different personifications. Therefore, Yong Soo has a split-persona. **

**( 6 ) Most irritating taunt in a fighting-game. Ever. **

**Thanks for reading, as always, and a double-thanks to those who review!**


	43. Of Tentacles and the World Cup

**A/N: Is everyone ready for this week's update? Because I hope that you're all in the mood for surf... **

**turf... **

**And, most importantly, **

_**FANSERVICE!**_

**Now, just so I can't say that I didn't try * clears throat and gets onto knees * Please! Please review on this story, people, I'm only * counts * 9 reviews away from being able to say that one of my fics got over one hundred reviews! **

**Please? I'll do something special when I do, maybe a celebratory one-shot (which means that I would have to have suggestions in the forms of reviews. Hell, you guys can even request a one-shot based on the AU that I keep mentioning). **

**And, if I don't get those needed reviews, I will look for all of you people who fav this story and don't review. I know your PMs! **

**Well, enough of pleas and threats, let's get on with the story. **

**Disclaimer- I don't own anything but my thoughts.

* * *

**

The morning of the next day found the captain of Team Seme rushing back to Seme Estate after attending a meeting with the event-coordinators.

The semes had been lazing about again, some of them playing video games, others half-assedly fighting over the remote, and even more looking around the kitchen for something to munch on.

Abruptly, the man-shark burst into the main room, shocking everyone out of their wits as he yelled, "Guys! SERIOUSLY, It's the best idea since underwear!" A second later, the lights went out before the flicked back on. Kisame was in front of everyone, standing next to a picture of his beloved Itachi.

When he had everyone's attention, he smacked a cutout of a bikini on top of Itachi's body. "Huh?" He smirked as he held out his hands towards the picture. The semes all looked at the picture,

"Hm..."

* * *

"'The next section of the games will all be taking place near the beaches of Domino,'" Itachi read out to the ukes, "'So get out your bathing-suits and sun-block and prepare for some fun in the sun.'" Immediately there was a cry of,

"What about those of us who can't tan to save our lives?", from Hidan, Kabuto, Count D, Chazz, and Kyle. Itachi read on,

"They've addressed that with the following statement: 'We don't give a shit'."

* * *

"Since we're going to the beach, you need some swim-clothes! Do you have any?" Kisame spoke to Russia as they walked into his room. Russia sighed,

"Nyet... We don't do that much swimming at my house..."

"What?" Kisame nearly fainted at that statement, "Oh no, we have to get you something! Come on!" "I should have some spares in my suitcases. Let's see... Icha Icha School Days, strawberry-flavored lube, digital photo-album with family photos, digital photo-album with sexy photos of Itachi, Icha Icha Wars, ah! Here we are!" Kisame pulled out a pair of blue and white swim-trunks and handed them to Russia.

"Thank you." Ivan replied, Kisame smiling,

"No problem, now try them on."

"Huh?" Russia blinked. Kisame chuckled,

"Well, we have to see if they fit, don't we? Put them on." Russia was still a bit apprehensive, so Kisame rolled his eyes before pointing a finger behind the large nation and speaking, "Oh my God, there's Belarus!"

"WHERE!" When Russia turned around, Kisame jumped on him from behind and began to forcefully remove his clothes. And, oh, was the audio they presented so awkward...

* * *

Germany had some things concerning that day's competition to ask Kisame about, so, after finding out where he was, the blonde walked up to the team-captain's room and knocked on the door. He didn't get an answer, but from the noises in the room, he knew that someone was in there. "Kisame. I needed to run something by you for a moment." Ludwig got no response save for something in the room falling to the ground. "What is going on in there?" Ludwig asked himself before pressing his ear to the door and listening. Eventually he heard the following:

"Nyet~! Kisame, don't do this!"

"Quit being such a baby, you can handle it!"

"AH! Not so fast!"

"I'm going to go faster if you don't get on with the program, now take them off!"

"But it's embarrassing, da! Ah~! Stop touching that!"

"No! Now, just... Oh, hold on!" Some more things fell to the ground. "Ah-ha! This should help out a bit!"

"What is that? And why is it slippery?"

"It will be okay in a couple of minutes! God, why is this so tight?"

"That's just how I keep things, da?" "Wait! Stop!"

"Man, you sure are a screamer..."

"Kisame!"

After the last yell, Germany, now blushing and retching a bit, walked away. "I'll talk to him later..." He shuddered.

* * *

Meanwhile, Kisame had finally succeeded in getting Ivan to try on the trunks. They had to pull out all the stops: pulling them on, using lotion to help them slide on... there was even a time when Kisame tried to pull on Russia's scarf for extra leverage. But, finally, the Russian was sporting a pair of nice swim-trunks and they looked good on him.

"There! Was that so hard?" Ivan chuckled,

"I guess not... I guess that it is just because people usually think I'm fat..." Kisame blinked, and wrapped an arm around Russia's shoulder, asking,

"What? You're not fat, you're..."

"Big-boned!" Russia stated but Kisame stated,

"Muscular, like me!"

"What?" Both males blinked at each other before Kisame poked at Ivan's well-toned stomach. Russia chuckled before moving the hand away,

"Stop that."

"There's no such thing as big-boned, remember that." Ivan smiled before they shared a laugh for a while then Kisame's eyes roamed over the floor and saw Ivan's boxers which had tiny Russian flags on them. But, rather than laugh, Kisame picked them up and asked,

"Where did you get these? They're awesome!" Russia blushed and replied,

"You would have to ask Alfred. One Christmas he just decided to give everyone underwear with their flags on them, da?" Kisame laughed again before stating,

"Oh well then, let's get going. The beach awaits!"

* * *

"Well, I guess that there's no fighting it." Itachi sighed as most of the ukes were already piling up into the Uke bus, beach-gear in tow. "I hate the beach…" He groaned. Just then Feliciano walked by before he smiled,

"Ve… How can you hate the beach Itachi? It's so much fun with the water and the sand and the food and the…"

"Shut the fuck up and get into the bus before I kill you." Itachi muttered. N. Italy gulped before he immediately rushed into the bus.

* * *

So the two teams drove all the way to a beautiful beach by the name of Mirror-Water Beach. Everyone was awing at the area's beauty until a yell disrupted their sight-seeing, along with a whirl of blue.

It took a moment before everyone could see what had happened but when they did, they all sweat-dropped. Wouldn't you be a bit surprised to see the personification of Nigeria trying to strangle the personifications of Spain and Greece.

"Comrade," Russia began, not moving to stop the woman in the least, "What are you doing?"

"Getting revenge for the World Cup, now **( 1 )**!" Nigeria replied before she kept on her attack. Finally, when the two afflicted nations started to turn blue, Nigeria sighed and let go. As the two caught their breaths, Spain coughed out,

"What did I do?"

"Argentina is your daughter, isn't she, now?" Spain sighed. Great, his kids were causing him hell again…

"Hello! Hello~!" Everyone looked over and saw the commentator dressed in a red and blue bikini. She smiled and spoke, "Since we have been experiencing mechanical difficulties…"

"We haven't moved most of the necessary stuff to the beach front yet." Zoey dead-panned as she and the other event-coordinators tried to get the rest of the equipment out.

"We just have one event for today." The coordinator smiled before she pointed to the water where two giant, rickety canoes (one reddish-pink and one a faded blue) were struggling to stay afloat. "Both teams will try and row from the beach to that buoy out there and back. The team that comes back first will win!" Everyone tried looking for said buoy.

"You mean that one?" Raiga pointed to one a few miles out.

"No."

"How about that one?" S. Italy pointed towards one a bit further out.

"No." The commentator pulled out a telescope and handed it to Kisame, pointing towards a certain area. Kisame looked and saw a small buoy at least 50 miles out. Not only that, but it was surrounded by sharks, twisters, and tentacles swishing out from the waves.

"You have got to be shitting me." Itachi shook his head as he looked at the buoy.

* * *

"I hate her… I hate her so much…" Itachi groaned as the ukes were trying in vain to get the canoe moving. The semes had a rough start too, seeing as how since muscle is heavier than fat they kept sinking.

Finally, they devised a way to get through this problem.

"Good-bye Roy." Kisame stated right before he tossed the red-haired Prince out of the boat. Then, "Let's go guys!" The semes started rowing again, now going much faster and not sinking.

"Don't worry Roy! We'll pick you up when we come back around!" Ike called back.

Roy nodded but was instantly brought out of his confidence when he saw grey fins beginning to swim around him.

* * *

"Would you guys just calm down and row?" Itachi yelled at the rest of the ukes who were panicking because it seemed that with every stroke they made, they were sinking more and more. "We can do this, water never killed anybody!"

"Some of us can't swim bitch!" Hidan yelled as more water started pouring into the canoe. Sonic looked at the incoming water and scoffed,

"Oh, fuck this.," before he moved to the only part of the boat that seemed dry: The captain's chair.

"Sonic! No, stop!" Itachi yelled as the boat began to rock from everyone moving around. They had finally made it to the buoy but all movement stopped when they saw the seme canoe pass them.

"Stroke! Stroke! Stroke!" Orochimaru called out. Kisame growled,

"Damn it all, Orochimaru! We're stroking as fast as we can!"

"No, you idiot! I think I'm having one!" At this, the semes all had a long laugh. When it was done, however, "No, really, I'm serious."

"Alright team," Itachi began, "We have to start putting our all into this and—" Itachi was cut off when a series of tentacles surrounded and sank their boat into the ground.

* * *

"Team Seme wins…" The commentator shakily announced as Team Uke was being rescued from the giant squid.

"Ve… that would make a lot of calamari!" N. Italy smiled before the squid let go. America was sitting on the beach, wrapped up in a towel and shivering at the horrible images that were flashing through his mind.

"Wow, America-san," Japan began as he walked over, "Do you mind if I drew a doujinshi about this experience?"

Alfred's eyebrow twitched and just before he was about to blow a gasket, Itachi stomped over, his whole frame soaking wet. He grabbed Kiku, dragged him towards the ocean and shoved him in. When Japan started to scream something about Tentacle rape, Alfred smiled,

"Thank you."

* * *

**A/N:**

**Team Seme- 500**

**Team Uke- 350**

**( 1 ) I am _never _going to watch a world-sporting event unless it's the Olympics or the world hockey tournament. _EVER _again! I'm not bitching about Argentina or Greece, they have great teams! But Nigerians can _not _play together on a team sport to save their lives!**

**Please review. I'm going to cry about Nigeria's epic fail now…**

**-Tyranno's girl.**


	44. Isabella Beilschmidt

_Mizuki Hoshigaki falls from the ceiling and onto the floor. He groans softly before more children and some animals come. They all cheer, "The Seme-Uke Games: Children-Side!"_

_Spotlight on: Isabella Beilschmidt _

The housing arrangement for the Seme-Uke Games was a bit odd. Seme Estate was on one side of the street; Uke Manor was on the other side. And next to the latter was a nice and comfy little bed-and-breakfast style house. It was in this house that the children of the competitors (along with their care-takers) were staying.

_8:00 AM_

We stroll into a room decorated with posters of dogs and replicas of classic Italian art. In the large bed in the center of the room, there was a little girl sleeping in a rumpled mess that was the covers.

Her long, curly blonde hair spread all over the pillows and her rosy, happy face smiled as she happily slept. Murmuring sweet little 've's' as she journeyed through dreamland.

_9:00 AM_

The girl was still sleeping.

_10:00 AM _

She was still deep in slumber town.

_11:00 AM_

"Ve... ve... ve..." She still slept, like a regular, modern-day Sleeping Beauty. Finally, Midna yelled from downstairs,

"ISABELLA BEILSCHMIDT, WAKE UP RIGHT NOW!"

Very few people knew that the sure-fire way to wake an Italian was to yell at them. Isabella opened her wide blue eyes and yawned out, "Ve... But I'm still sleepy~"

* * *

Buon Giorno (Good Morning)! My name is Isabella Beilschmidt. I am... Um... Let's see... (starts counting on fingers)

Einer, due, drei, quattro, fünf…

Oh, there we are! I'm five years old, hee hee! Wow, that was hard work. Ve... what was I talking about again?

Oh, I can talk about Mama and Vati!

I love my Mama, he's so sweet and pretty! And he's really fun to play with. He knows all the games like hide-and-seek and 'playing house' and football **(A/N: She means the stuff that they're playing in the World Cup, not the American stuff)** and hand-games and...

What was I talking about again, ve?

Oh, I guess I can talk about Vati now!

He's really strong and sometimes kind of grumpy. But he'll always make time to play with Mama and me!

_Germany was busy over-looking some urgent paper work that his boss had sent over. He had been at work on these documents since six that morning and he wasn't anywhere close to being done. _

_It was around 2 that afternoon when the sounds of barking and giggling rang out through the hall and Ludwig knew that his daughter had gotten home from her tutoring and was playing with the dogs. _

_Germany smiled softly as he continued with his work. It was a few minutes later when the office door softly opened and Isabella walked in with an adult golden retriever named Aster. The girl looked around before she cleared her throat a little, "Vati?" _

_Ludwig smiled before he spoke, "Mein Prinzessin (My Princess)... How was your day today?" Isabella smiled and jumped onto her father's lap holding a piece of paper. She beamed as she spoke, _

_"I had lots of fun! And I worked really hard so that I could get home to you and Mama so we could all play together." When Isabella saw that her father was about to try and explain that he couldn't play right now, she unrolled her paper. "Ve... Look, I drew a pretty picture of the doggies for you!" _

_Ludwig took the paper and looked at it for a minute, a smile growing on his face before he picked up his daughter and sat her on his shoulder before he stood up. "Come on, let us find your mother and start a nice game of football."_

Um... Oh, I really like doggies! Look! (pulls out a picture of a large golden retriever, a German shepherd, and a Doberman) The one with the shiny fur is Aster, the stern-looking one is Blackie, and the smiley one is Berlitz! They are so much fun and...

...

..Ve... What was I saying?

* * *

Isabella walked down the stairs, still in her nightgown that had both the German and Italian flags on it. She wiped at her eyes as she went into the kitchen and picked up some biscotti and gelato before she walked into the living room and smiled, "Hi everyone! How have your mornings been?"

Everyone sweat-dropped before Mizuki stated, "It's almost 3:00 in the afternoon." Isabella gasped.

"3:00?" She then brought a blanket out of nowhere and moved onto the couch. "It's almost siesta-time, ve!" And with that, Isabella began to sleep right there in the couch.

* * *

When it comes to family, the bigger the better, because when you have a lot of family and friends, you can share all sorts of food and have lots of fun, ve!

I have two cousins too.

Cousin Ethan is really nice, it's kind of hard to find him though… But that just means he's really good at games like hide-and-seek!

Then Alexandr… He's… Nice enough, I think… Except when he wants something, then he gets kind of mean…

* * *

Later on in the afternoon, after she had woken up from her nap, Isabella was trying to get Ethan to play a game of tag. Just as Ethan was about to say yes, Alexandr appeared behind the blond girl, glaring intensely at the German-Canadian boy.

"Um…" Ethan shivered, "Why don't you play with Alexandr, eh? I have…" The red-eyed blonde gulped, "I have to go do something… _far_ away from here…" And with that, Ethan bolted off to nail his room door shut. Isabella wondered why Ethan had run off but when she turned around, she smiled,

"Oh, Alexandr! I didn't know you were there!" The snow-haired boy was silent until he stood up and began to walk out of the door before he said,

"You wanted to play tag, didn't you?"

Isabella smiled and nodded, rushing after the boy.

* * *

Let's see… What else can we talk about… (yawns) Hm… I'm getting sleepy, all this talking was a lot of work…

(pulls out her blanket)

Maybe we can talk some more some other time. (yawns again as she cuddles into the blanket) Gute Nacht (Good Night)…

* * *

**A/N: **

**Oh Isabella… don't you know that * yawns * Yawns are contagious? **

**-Tyranno's girl.**


	45. The Trials of Volleyball

**A/N: Okay guys, this week's update is pretty short. Well, it's still the usual two chapters but I also have a preview chapter for one of my upcoming projects. * notes that some people are walking away * Come back here and read and review, damn it!**

**Disclaimer- Don't own nadda.

* * *

**

The sun was shining, the gulls were cawing, and the waves were rolling in nice and calm-like.

No, this wasn't the beginning of every episode of that car-crash known as The OC.

This was the location of the beach-time events of the Seme-Uke Games. And right now... "We're about to embark on our game of Volleyball!" After the cheers from the audience (and the screams from the fangirls), the commentator added, "Six members from each team. Playing one of the most influential beach games in the history of..."

"Bo~ring." Everyone looked towards the source of the comment: Kisame, Zabuza, Raiga, and Kakuzu.

"I'm sorry?" The commentator raised an eyebrow, to which Kisame replied,

"Volley ball is one of the most boring sports in the world! The only thing good about it is that we get to see our sexy, sexy ukes in skimpy swimwear." As if on cue, the screen that had been set up zoomed in on Itachi, Marth, and America in their swim-clothes while a chorus sang,

_**"Fan~Ser~Vice!"**_ Everyone gave a confused glance towards a small booth that had a trio of female singers.

"Oh! Allow me to explain: Our sponsors have been worried that people have been confused about our instances of fanservice. So they rented us this wonderful trio of singers!" She turned to the trio, "Say 'hi' guys!"

_**"Waste~Of~Cash!"**_ The women sang. After everyone groaned, Shuichi spoke,

"Okay! Let's get the teams situated and get the game started!", as he walked towards the sandy area where the game would be played. Immediately, the three Mist Swordsman and Kakuzu spoke,

"Count us out." At this, the members of Team Seme groaned.

"Come on, Comrade~!" Russia huffed at how stubborn his shark-like friend was being. Kisame blinked at all the protests before he sighed,

"Fine, fine. I'll play the boring game..." The semes all cheered as Kisame walked over to Russia and the two bumped fists, then Kisame looked around, "Spain, Kevin, Stan, Ike, Link! You're with me!" The semes walked to the field and took the ball from Shuichi (you know, after the musician had been snapped out of his drooling-state which had been brought on by the sight of all the rippling muscle).

Itachi, on the Uke side, had been trying to see who should play and who had no right to be anywhere near a field. Like Lovino and Feliciano Vargas.

"Alright!" S. Italy, dressed in a pair of tomato-print trunks, called to his younger brother, "Here it comes!" Lovino served a volleyball to the smaller Italian. N. Italy, back in his Italian-flag speedo, waved his arms about, trying to avoid being hit.

_BINK! _"Ve!" The auburn-haired male yelped as the ball hit him right in the face. Afterwards, Feliciano had to run after the ball that had rolled away. "Okay fratello!" N. Italy called out when he had the ball, a peculiar volleyball-shaped print on his face. He served the ball, which soared through the air until...

_BINK!_ "Chigii!" S. Italy yelled as the ball hit him in the face.

"Mi dispacie (I'm sorry)!" Feliciano called out as his brother went after the ball. Itachi watched this cycle of hit and miss (but mostly hit) go on for a while until he said,

"Lovino, you're in! Feliciano..." He sighed, "Go get us some gelato or something..."

"Alright!" The commentator began, "For Team Seme we have: Kisame Hoshigaki..."

"God, this is so boring!"

"Antonio Carriedo, a.k.a. Spain!"

"Hi Lovi!" Spain called over to the uke side right before a ball hit him in the face.

"Ike the Mercenary!"

"I fight for my-"

"WE KNOW!" Everyone interrupted before the bluenette could finish.

"Straight from South Park, Colorado, Stan Marsh!"

"Dude, give me back my hat!" Stan yelled at Kevin, who had taken the blue and red accessory from its owner.

"Kevin Levin, cohort of the famous Ben Tennyson!"

"You look better without this mangy thing..." Kevin kept the hat out of Stan's reach.

"And Link! The hero of Time, Winds, Seasons, Ages, Hyrule, Termina, the Great Sea..."

"You can stop now..." Link sighed. The commentator nodded before she added,

"And for Team Uke, we have: Itachi Uchiha, Lovino Vargas a.k.a. S. Italy, Tracy Skechit, Naruto Uzumaki, Gaara Sabaku and Sonic the Hedgehog!" The group from team uke walked onto teh field and after another rousing speech from Itachi... ('Win this and maybe I won't maim and torture you guys...) Bayonetta shot her gun into the air to get things started, but was in for a rude awakening when a blue and white sea-bird fell down from the air, dead.

"Wingull!" Professor Oak cried at the sight of the bird.

"Oh, come on!" Bayonetta yelled in exasperation, her head was already twinging at the thought of the phone calls from PETA. Meanwhile, Spain jumped up and served the ball. Immediately, not wanting anything of Spain's to stay on their side, Lovino ran up and hit the ball back.

Link ran over and smacked the ball back over, just for Sonic to rush over and return it. The bluenette then gave a familiar stance and stated, "Come on, step it-AH!" A ball hit him in the face, interrupting his phrase. Kisame looked over and smiled as he called over,

"Thank you!" Russia, suspiciously standing near the sporting equipment, waved back,

"Happy to be of service, da?"

After that, Tracy jumped up and served a ball over the net towards Kevin and Stan.

"I got it!" Kevin stated.

"No, I got it!" Both teens ran towards the ball and-

_BINK!_ "AH!" Neither of them got it.

"Score one goes to the ukes!" The crowd cheered as the semes were given a new ball. Kisame sighed,

"So... bored...", before he served the ball over. Then the shark brought a copy of Icha Icha Panic out from his pocket and began reading.

"Kisame, really?" Itachi called over as he hit the ball towards Lovino, who hit to Tracy, the Pokémon watcher hitting the ball over the net. "It's not that bad!"

"Says the slim and sexy uke..." Kisame murmured, turning a page. However, Kisame did have enough focus to jump up and spike a ball into teh ground right in front of Naruto. "Come on guys! I'm distracted and were still kicking your butts!"

"Grr..." Naruto growled as he got up from the sand. "Oh yeah? Well, get ready Kisame! 'Cause-"

_Ding!_

Is Naruto going to...

A. Run away and cry like a little, baby, sissy-boy?

B. Say 'dattebayo' or 'believe it' for the millionth time?

Or C. Make a random Bible reference? Make your guesses now!

_Ding!_

"'Cause I'm about to do to you what David did to Goliath in chapter 16, verse 23 of the second book of Samuel!" Immediately, Kisame laughed out a retort,

"Ha! In your face, Naruto! Because if you actually read a Bible instead of bringing it out at random times just to get out of doing paper-work..."

"Holy crap!" Naruto shrieked, comparing the stack of documents that Sakura had delivered to him with a Bible, "It's thicker than the fricken' Bible! I can't read through all of this!"

"...Then you would know that the story of David and Goliath actually begins on chapter 17, verse 38 of the first book of Samuel!" Kisame ended. It was a moment before Kyle whistled over to the stunned blonde,

"Damn~! You just got Biblicly owned!" Naruto blushed before he snatched the ball from S. Italy and yelled,

"Less talky, more playing!", before serving it over the net.

The game went on for quite a while (despite the semes getting distracted and Kisame's repetitive groans of boredom) and some of the ukes actually switched out of the game. S. Italy wanted to take a nap and Gaara didn't feel like he had been contributing all that much. So they had to be liberated of their positions. Yet, for some strange reason, when Itachi used the term 'liberated', America beamed,

"That's actually a good idea!" He turned to Canada, "Hey Mattie, let's go on a trip to visit Iran! I'm sure she misses me!" Immediately, Matthew grimaced,

"No, Alfred!"

"Why not?" America frowned. The younger twin flinched at the statement before he walked away a few feet and continued,

"'Why not'? Hm, let's see... Oh, how about the fact that every time I go with you to a country that you've 'liberated', I get shot!" Canada huffed before turning sideways, "Last time, I got shot in the ass!" With a point to his butt, Matthew added, "I am in mourning for my ass, eh!"

* * *

Meanwhile, in the audience (and out of earshot), Prussia was looking at the match through a pair of binoculars due to his getting conned out of his seat by a first-grader. He murmured, "Why is he pointing to his ass?"

* * *

"Service!" Alfred called out as he served the ball over the net. The semes were all ready to get the game started... When they noted that Kisame had gone over to the nearest bench and fallen asleep.

The semes all screamed.

"Kisame! Get up before the judges disqualify us!" Link yelled. Kisame simply rolled over and muttered,

"Let them, we're a hundred points ahead of team uke anyway." Suddenly, the semes realized.

"He has a point."

Then they all began to leave the field, abandoning the ukes. "Hey!" The commentator screamed, "Where the hell are you guys going?"

"Away." Link muttered as he bought a bottle of milk from a vendor.

"Wait, so you're just choosing to lose the match?" Itachi called over.

"Semes never lose." Shadow called over, "We just choose not to win." At that moment, Sonic rushed over to Shadow and huffed,

"Yeah, and you just chose not to get laid anytime soon." When the bluenette had left, Shadow groaned,

"Shit..."

As everyone was leaving the stadium, Kisame sat up from his nap and called over to the commentator, "Oi! Since you forced me to play through this boring sport, can we play KiriBall next?"

"NO!" Itachi stomped over, "No, no, No! No KiriBall!" Kisame looked at his wife and whined,

"But why~?"

"W-Why?" Itachi yelled, "Maybe because you and the others go extremely over-the-wall crazy when it comes to that damn sport!"

"Wait a moment." The commentator raised a hand, stopping the one-sided argument, "KiriBall... That's the extremely action-packed, violent, power-house sport that's so hard-core that it's condemned to be played only in the villages of the Mizu Union?"

The shark and weasel nodded.

"Okay! Our next beach-time sprt is to be an awesome sport of KiriBall!" Kisame, Kakuzu, Raiga, and Zabuza cheered. But Itachi, Hidan, Ranmaru, and Haku groaned,

"Kill us now..."

* * *

**A/N: **

**Team Seme- 500 **

**Team Uke- 400 **

**Hm... This chapter was... Hm... Anywho, please review! And I really like to hear ideas from you guys! **

**-Tyranno's girl.**


	46. New Competitors

"Excuse me."

In the midst of the extremely busy Domino City airport, there were two males trying to rent a car and get some directions. One was a brunette with wavy hair who was all dressed in green while the other, who was talking loudly into his phone ('Like, really? OMG, Gag me with a spoon!'), was only slightly shorter than the first, with smooth, blonde, neck-length hair and striking green eyes.

"We had an invitation to come the city for the Games?" The brunette shyly asked the elderly woman at the reception desk. She chomped at her gum before she asked,

"Why weren't you here in the beginning?"

"Well..." Suddenly, the brunette was shoved out of the way by the blonde.

"I can handle this Liet! You see," He brushed his hair to the side, "Liet here, like, totally lost our letter and-!"

"No Feliks..." The brunette sighed, "You tossed the letter in the middle of a giant pile, like you always do with our mail, that I only have the time to clean out once a month!"

"Well, excuse me for having more important stuff to do than check a bunch of snail-mail!" The blonde waved his cell-phone, "Texting is totally the wave of the future!"

* * *

_In a red shaded room, the blonde male is sitting in a comfy chair. The words 'Feliks __Łukasiewicz a.k.a. Poland' are visible on the screen. _

"You see, what Toris doesn't understand about me is, like, I'm a trendsetter." Poland brushes his hair out of his face, "I can't be forced to sit in one place at a time. That's, like, totally a crime or something!"

* * *

"Well?" Poland asked his lover, Lithuania, as they walked through the streets of a certain neighborhood, "Like, where do we go now?"

"The guide says that we should be looking for two houses: One blue and one red." Immediately, Poland scoffed,

"Ugh... Who chose those bland colors?" He brushed his hair out of his face, "I mean, would it have killed them to add a little pink or mauve?" Lithuania sighed as they kept walking. It was a nice neighborhood, Toris noticed, nice trees, clean streets, cool breeze, the son of his former slave-driver coming towards them- "Wait, WHAT?" He yelped as he saw Alexandr Braginski riding his pet bear, Boris, down the sidewalk towards them.

Alexandr only blinked before he patted the bear's shoulder, signaling a stop. Boris snorted but stopped right before he trampled the two. "What are you doing here, slave number one?" Alexandr asked. Lithuania groaned at how the five year-old addressed him, but he replied,

"We're trying to find Seme Estate and Uke Manor, can you help us?"

"Yes, I can." Alexandr stated.

There was a moment of silence. Then Feliks said, "Like, well?"

"You said can I help you," The snow-haired boy answered, "Not will I help you." Lithuania sighed,

"Will you help us?" Alexandr hummed for a second before he replied,

"Da." He turned and pointed behind him. When Lithuania and Poland looked, they saw three houses. "The blue one is Seme Estate, the red is Uke Manor, and the smaller one is where the children are staying." The boy patted Boris's head and the bear began to walk again. "I suggest that you don't come to the latter." Alexandr called back before he was gone.

When the boy and the bear left, the two males looked at the two mansions before Toris spoke, "I guess we should get going, huh?" But when he looked besides him, he saw that Poland had already taken his own bags and was walking inside of Uke Manor.

* * *

_In a blue-shaded room, Toris is sitting in a chair, the words 'Toris Laurinaitis, a.k.a. Lithuania' are seen on the screen. _

"Don't ask me why I love him, I just do..." He sighed.

* * *

Poland walked inside of Uke Manor, and immediately laughed, "Just as bad as the outside!", taking in the main room. "Like, OMG, it looks like the Soviet Union ate some of Spain's tomatoes, went through an emo-state, and then died in here..." The blonde then walked towards the backyard, seeing as how that was the only area where sound was coming from.

He slid open the door and beamed, "Hi guys!" The ukes, who had just been enjoying a nice, calm day outside, looked over.

"Oh, for the love of God, not him..." France groaned, downing a glass of wine. Itachi walked over and asked,

"Pardon me, but, who the hell are you?" Feliks smirked and called out,

"Your super-fabulous new team-mate!"

* * *

_Back in the red-shaded room..._

"I think that I made a totally fabu entrance." Poland smirked.

* * *

In Seme Estate, Lithuania walked in through the door just to be greeted by chants of

"Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!" He flinched as he saw all of the semes gathered around a couch where Kisame and Russia were having a small drinking contest. And by small, we mean that they were currently downing large mugs of German beer. Kisame slammed his empty mug first, shortly followed by Ivan and everyone cheered at the accomplishment.

"Whoo, that was fun!" Kisame laughed as he stood up. He looked towards the door and blinked, "Hey, who are you?" Lithuania was about to speak when Russia called over,

"Toris! It's so good to see you again, da?"

'Not really...' The brunette inwardly groaned, but he nodded, "Of course." Kisame smiled,

"So this is Lithuania!", walking over and holding out a hand, "I'm Kisame Hoshigaki, current Mizukage, and the captain of Team Seme!"

* * *

_Back in the blue-shaded room..._

"Kisame seems nice enough." Lithuania stated, but he frowned, "It's just a bit unnerving that he's become such good friends with Russia..."

* * *

"Oh my God!" Poland squealed at the sight of his uniform, "Pink is, like, my all-time fav color!"

"Good for you..." Itachi muttered, "Listen, I know that you're new and everything, but you have to understand a few things and-"

"Oh!" Poland stood up, "Could you, like, hold that thought for a second? 'Cause I totally have to go take a pee right now!", then the blonde rushed off, leaving Itachi thinking aloud,

"What the hell have those damn event-coordinators gotten me into now?"

* * *

_In the red-shaded room__, the words 'Itachi Uchiha, infanous clan-killer, S-Rank criminal, and wife of the Mizukage' are on the screen__... _

Itachi walks into the room, a confused expression on his face, he sits in the chair and blinks when he sees the camera. "Poland, what the hell is this?"

"It's a confession booth!" Feliks's voice calls back, "Like, all the major reality shows have one!" Itachi frowned,

"But, this isn't-!" Yet, he thought of something. Quickly, he slammed the door and sat back down. "All these ukes are about to drive me off-the-wall insane! And I don't even have Kisame as a stress-reliever!" He whined, "God, I need to get laid..." Immediately after he said that, he shot his head up and thought for a second. He then ran over to the camera, trying to open it, yelling, "I need that tape!"

* * *

"So, you're a seme?" Kevin asked Toris as they were all in the kitchen.

"Yes."

"But..." Damien began, "You're such a... What's a good word for this..? Pretty-boy, yeah, that's it!" Lithuania groaned,

"'Pretty-boy'? But, I'm not..." Before a debate broke out, Kisame held up a hand.

"Guys, guys..." Everyone calmed down. "There is one way we could determine Lithuania's seme-status." Sasori gasped,

"You can't possibly mean..?" Kisame nodded.

"Yes. We shall give him... The initiation!"

Germany gasped.

Ike gasped.

Christophe gasped.

And M. Night Shamylan popped his head through the window and said, "What a twist!"

"Would you get out of here?" Kisame yelled as he shut the window. "Honestly, if he put as much effort into his movies as he did his 'twists', maybe 'The Last Airbender' **( 1 )** wouldn't be coming out so bad..." He sighed, but he turned back to the table, "So, are you up for it?" Toris thought for about second before he smiled,

"Sure, why not? You should try anything once, right?"

* * *

**A/N: **

**( 1 ) The only beef I have with this movie is the fact that, from the looks of it, it only goes up to when Aang learns how to Water Bend. Meaning no Toph! Fricking M. Night... **

**I have been doing a lot of cliff-hanging chapters, haven't I? Damn it all to hell... But, guess what? I finally got my internet hooked up! Yay! That probably means I'll be able to update more often! But reviews help a lot people, so... yeah! I hope you tune in next time! **

**Oh! Before I forget. For those of you following my fic 'The Legend of Hoshi: Metronome of Time' (if you aren't following it, please read it and give it a shot!) I'm going to update that on saturday instead of today. I still have some things to work out with it. Okay? **

**Love you all!**

**-Tyranno's girl. **


	47. Mission: Lithuania, er, Impossible

**A/N: **

**Announcements~!**

**Hey guys! So, some people might notice that this week's update is, oh, how shall I put it..? Early as all hell. **

**Well, the reason for this is that this thursday and friday I am not going to be available for the majority of the day to update. **

**Why? **

**ANIME EXPO 2010! **

**I was finally able to get a ticket this time around and my arrangements are all set, so I will definitely be there! **

**If anyone else is going and you see a black girl dressed up as Meiko from the song 'Conchita, the Epicurean Daughter of Evil' and they're going up to every Russia and America cosplayer saying 'Can I get a picture?'... **

**Yeah, that's going to be me. Wave me over and have a quick chat or something. **

**Anyway, here's the update. I'm still working on the 'I finally got over one-hundred reviews' celebration fic, so bear with me. **

**Also, look out for some art to go with this fic. I'll report when I'm done and where to find it (it's just going to be of the kids).**

**Disclaimer- I don't own anything but my ideas.

* * *

**

"Attention," Kisame began as everyone was crowded into the main room, "This evening we have come together to initiate our potential brother-in-semedom Lithuania! Can I get a battle-cry?"

Cue battle cry.

"Now, brother Kakuzu." Kisame called to the stitched up brunette. When the brunette stood by Kisame, he spoke,

"We have established a challenge to prove your worth as a seme." He held up a rolled up scroll. "Are you ready, young padawan?"

Cue the record-scratch.

With a smack to the back of the brunette's head, Kisame gritted, "Man, this isn't Star Wars!" Kakuzu grumbled before he held the scroll open.

"We have assembled a series of incredibly rare items for you to acquire." On the scroll were five pictures. One of Itachi, one of Hidan, another of Greece, one showing Canada, there was one with Pit, and, finally, one showing Count D. Kisame pointed to Itachi's picture and began,

"Itachi has a notorious sweet-tooth so, no matter where he is, he always keeps a stash of dango. He hates anyone touching his dango. So..." The shark smirked, "You have to get a package of the stuff from the freezer in Uke Manor."

"Wait, but..." Toris started, but was interrupted when Turkey stepped up and pointed to the photo of Greece.

"So, here's the thing: Heracles has all those damn cats, right? Ya need to get one of them without all of them pouncing on ya and scratching your ass to an inch within yer life! Got it?" Lithuania gulped,

"I think so..." Then stood Prussia. He pointed to Canada and called out,

"My Birdie has a pet polar bear. Kuma... Kuma... Kumakumquat? Whatever, the point is that the damn thiung can hardly remember Mattie's name, let alone what country he is." Toris yelped when an electric razor was tossed into his hands. Gilbert smirked, "I want you to take his furry ass down a notch."

To make a long section short, Toris's challenges went on like this:

He had to get some of Itachi's dango, kidnap one of Greece's cats, shave Canada's pet polar bear, pluck exactly five of Pit's feathers from his wings, steal one of Count D's precious chocolate cakes, and...

"Excuse me?" Toris blushed heavily as Kakuzu had said the last part of the challenge. Kakuzu blinked before he repeated himself,

"Go into Hidan's room and steal a pair of his panties. Preferably the red ones."

"But..." Lithuania sputtered, "But..."

"No 'buts'!" Kisame laughed.

"Unless your talking about your uke's, anyway..." Kevin laughed.

* * *

So now (after a rowdy drive, a stop at both White Castle and Seal on a Stick) the timid, brunette nation found himself on the roof of Uke Manor. He had been equipped with a head-set so that the semes (who were in the bus) could keep in touch with him.

_"Are you ready Toris?"_ Kisame's voice asked. Toris nodded before he looked for an open window. He sighed in relief when he finally found one and slipped right in.

The room he had found himself in turned out to be, by great luck, Pit's. He gasped and covered his mouth when he saw that the petite angel was asleep in his bed.

_"Yeah... I should have told you..."_ Ike's voice spoke into the head-set, _"Unless someone is there to keep him up, Pit goes to sleep at 9:00 like clockwork. I find it cute, really." _Toris gulped as he tried to figure out how he was going to get the feathers without waking up the young angel.

"Ah, I think I have an idea." He whispered as he walked to the side of the bed. His hands were shaking as he gently pulled the bedsheets off to the point that one of Pit's wings was visible.

_"Now remember: You only have to pick five feathers, Lithuania."_ Kisame's voice stated. The brunette nodded and went to work. He pulled at a feather, thinking it would just be a simple tug... Just to be pulled into a tug of war.

"Guys... What's going on?"

_"Hm... Maybe I should have mentioned that angel feathers are tougher than steel?" _Ike stated.

"Now you guys tell me?" Toris hissed as he pulled at the single feather. He was almost afraid of waking the angel up, but Pit seemed to keep on sleeping. "This is... worse than when..." Lithuania groaned, "I had to... pull Poland away... from a half-off sale at... Abercrombie and Fitch." The brunette pulled until his grip slipped and he fell into the wall with a yelp.

Pit, completely undisturbed, yawned slightly. He sat up, eyes still closed, and flapped his wings for a moment. Then he fell back onto the mattress.

Lithuania sat there, silent, but he gasped when he saw something floating through the air.

Angel feathers.

"Are you kidding with me?" Lithuania yelled/whispered.

* * *

Next up was...

_"Birdie's room is the closest, kesesese..."_ Prussia's voice cackled into the head-set. Lithuania nodded and slunk out of Pit's room. He did a quick peek, making sure that no one was in the hall, before he walked out and began looking for Canada's room.

_"Wait a minute!" _Sasuke coughed, causing Toris to cease immediately. _"I think you're about to pass it."_ The brunette looked around and saw a door that had a poster that read 'Matthew Williams, a.k.a. Canada (Not America, CANADA)'.

* * *

In the bus, Christophe was using a laptop to hack into the surveillance-system of Uke Manor. "Leestn," He began, "The majority of ze ukes, including my homeland **( 1 )**, are watching sappy romance films in the main room. But zere is no way of telling when zey might get into a hissy-fit over what movies zey should watch..."

* * *

_"So, in other words..."_ Kisame's voice began, just to be interrupted by Prussia,

_"Hurry the fuck up and shave that bear!"_

"Ah!" Toris yelped at the loud volume in his ear, but he nodded to himself before walking into the room. Inside, Kumajiro was snoring away, the weight of the spoiled bear actually making the bed sink into the middle. "Okay, so all I have to do..." Lithuania whispered, bringing out the electric-razor and a plastic bag, "Is shave this adorable little bear..."

Lithuania walked over, turned on the razor and prepared to start with the head...

That was, until drowsy black eyes looked up at him. "Um..." Toris blinked. Kumajiro blinked too. Before he frowned,

"Who the hell are you?"

"Um, well, I..."

"You know what? Fuck it, I don't even care." Kumajiro dead-panned before he stood on his hind-legs, bore his fangs, and, well...

* * *

Amongst the noises of roars, various tears, chomping, and ripping, the yells of,

"Oh my God! Kas tai? Aš VIDURKIS - Dieve, kodėl jums naudoti net ledo ritulio lazdas - AGH! (OH MY GOD! WHAT IS THIS? I MEAN- OH GOD, WHY WOULD YOU EVEN USE A HOCKEY STICK LIKE- AGH!)" Another onslaught of noise before,

"Dieve, kodėl? DANTYS! Dieve, skausmas! (OH GOD, WHY? THE FANGS! OH GOD, THE PAIN!)"

In the Seme bus, all of the semes had been forced to listen to the gruesome attack.

When the noise subsided, everyone was still.

"Do you..." Kevin gulped, "Think he's still alive?"

* * *

The hall was silent until Matthew's room door opened. Out crawled an war-battered brunette, now with a bag of polar bear hair and a series of scratches that would surely need to be disinfected. He groaned before he spoke into what remained of the head-set,

"Wh... wh... What's next?"

* * *

"...Celestia, Hades, Ursa Minor, Orion, Hera," Greece was currently calling off all of his cats as they went to bed. He was going to go join the other ukes for sappy, lovey-dovey movie-time, but he had to make sure that all of his babies were in bed. "Corporal Cat, General Cat, and, finally," He held up a cat that had a series of bandages on its face, making him look like Turkey, "Bastard Cat." Heracles smirked.

After making sure that all of the cats were resting, Greece softly closed the door.

Not even a few minutes later, Lithuania snuck into the cat room and looked around. "How can someone even have... this many..?" He whispered in sheer disbelief at the numbers of the furry creatures. Then he flinched. "Which one do I take?" He whispered harshly into the head-set.

_"Huh. Guess we really didn't think about that, did we?"_ Turkey's voice chuckled. _"Look, just take the first one to catch your attention!" _Toris nodded and began to look around. He searched until his eyes landed on a cute, almost blue in shade, kitten.

"Alright." He gulped. "For Team Seme." The brunette carefully picked up the small ball of blue. "Well, that seemed simple..." The kitten mewled out a yawn and looked up at Lithuania with big blue eyes.

"Mew?"

"Hi Kitty..." Toris replied. "We're going an a little trip and..." There was a slow hissing and yowling rising from around him. He didn't want to, he really didn't. But Lithuania turned and saw all of the cats surrounding him with menacing looks. "Oh, come on!"

* * *

From outside, the semes could hear the sounds of screeching, yowling, scratching, hissing, and, of course, Toris's screams of, "ACK! PLEASE, STOP! Kodėl? Kokios kačių veikti kaip šios ~? (Why? What kind of cats act like this~?) AH, BAD PUSSY!"

"Talk about 'pussy-whipped'!" England laughed out.

* * *

Later, Toris limped out of the cat room, twice as haggard-looking as before. He fell onto his back and sighed when he felt something pawing at his chest. He looked down and saw the blue kitten purring as it tried to find a place to sleep. Lithuania sighed before he groaned, "What next?"

* * *

Next was for Toris to go to the kitchen and steal both Itachi's dango and one of Count D's cakes. He made sure that the kitchen lights were off and that the room was clear before he snuck in.

There it was, his goal: the refrigerator. He walked over and opened the freezer, seeing the treausred sweet. "This seems easy enough." Lithuania smiled and he reached for the dumplings. Immediately, a steel-vice clamped around his hand and an alarm rang out,

"STEP AWAY FROM THE DANGO! STEP AWAY FROM THE DANGO!"

"Oh, come on!" Toris groaned, trying to get his hand freed. This was bad, really bad. If he couldn't get his hand freed before soon, the ukes would come in and do something horrible.

Like give him a makeover!

"Let go, let go, for the love of God, LET GO!" Toris yelled, pulling at his arm. He was just at the point of gnawing the poor appendage of like a trapped coyote when the vice lessened its grip by just a bit. Toris yanked his hand out, grabbed the dango and shut the freezer. He was about to go for the refrigerator part when there was a noise from behind him.

Count D walked into the kitchen, looking for something to snack on while they watched The Break-Up for the upteenth time. He opened the refrigerator and brought out a vanilla cake. The pet shop owner shut the door and left, but when he passed the pantry door, he spoke, "Hello Lithuania who is doing a very sad job of trying to hide from someone."

When the Count was gone, Toris fell out of the pantry and groaned, "Why the hell am I doing this again?"

_"To prove that you're not a pretty, pansy-boy?"_ Sasori answered. The brunette sighed as he opened the fridge, got the chocolate cake, and left the room.

* * *

The last thing on the list of challenges, of course, had to be a pair of Hidan's panties. Lithuania slowly and carefully walked into the albino's room and looked for his drawer. He found the blood-red and white dresser and began searching around until he found...

"Got it!" He pulled out a pair of scarlet lace panties.

_"Okay..."_ Kakuzu's choking voice stated (due to the oncoming nosebleed), _"You have everything... Just... bring the panties- I mean- the stuff back here... And hurry up about it!"_

"Alright, I'll just... Huh?" Toris blinked when he was presented with a disturbing sight. The albino owner of this room was currently standing in the doorway. "Um...' Lithuania chuckled, "Hi there."

"What the..?" Hidan choked, "What are you doing with my fucking underwear? Why the hell are you in my Jashin-damned room? And..." Hidan was about to rant more but he just sighed, "You know what? I don't even give a fuck." Before he brought out his scythe.

* * *

From outside, you could hear the noise of crashes, things being knocked against walls, and of course, Toris's screams of,

"Oh God, have mercy! Dalgiai nėra skirta naudoti kaip tai! Ne, nukreipta! (Scythes aren't meant to be used like that! No, the pointy!)" There was one more slashing noise before,

"THE PAIN!"

In the bus, the semes all dead-panned at the sounds that they were being forced to hear. Kisame sighed. "Alright, Lithuania?"

"Uh-huh~?" Toris's voice groaned out.

"You can come on out now, da?" Russia smirked.

Around thirty minutes later, a broken and battered Lithuania crawled out of the Manor.

* * *

Back at Seme Estate, while Orochimaru and Prof. Oak were bandaging Lithuania up, everyone went through the check-list to see if the brunette had gotten all of the items.

"Five of Pit's feathers..." Ike placed the feathers in a chest that was filled with them and labeled 'Pit's Feathers'.

"Itachi's dango..." Kisame mumbled as he ate the dessert. Turkey was currently harrassing the kitten that Lithuania had brought back.

"One stupid cat. Courtesy of Gre- AGH!" Sadiq yowled as the blue kitten scratched him. "Damn cat." He hissed. Leon looked at the chocolate confectionary triumph and sighed,

"Just looking at this thing is about to give me diabetes..." Meanwhile, Prussia was laughing out loud at the bag of polar bear hair that had been brought back. Finally, Kakuzu picked up the scarlet underwear and put them into his pocket, saying "I'll take this."

"Just what are you going to do with those?" Prussia smirked, nudging Kakuzu in the shoulder. "Huh? Huh?" Kakuzu simply scoffed,

"I'm not like you, Mr. I watch animal porn," When Prussia flinched, Kakuzu went on, "Yeah, I saw your e-mail account."

Lithuania struggled to sit up and he asked, "Did I do a good job? Am I in now?" Kisame and Russia turned and began to murmur amongst themselves.

"He did complete the challenges..."

"Yes, but still..."

"Come on Ivan..."

"Alright..."

They turned around and smiled, "Welcome to the brotherhood!"

"Oh, thank God!" Toris sighed in relief. "So, what do we do now?"

"Now," Kisame held up a bottle alcohol and a dvd, "We watch porno and get tanked!"

All the semes cheered before they began another night of 'celebrating'.

* * *

**A/N: **

**( 1 ) According to what I've heard about the South Park movie 'Bigger, Longer, Uncut', Christophe and Gregory are from Canada. **

**Well, read on, read on! And let me know what you guys think! **

**-Tyranno's girl.**


	48. Let's Play KiriBall

"Ladies and gentleman!" The commentator called out to the audience the next morning at the beach. "Today, we are in for a grand treat!"

The coordinators were preparing the waters of the beach for today's event. Some of them were placing buoys in the water for boundary lines, others were steering two boats that had four large palm trees to each side of the boundary that had been set.

"A sport that is usually never allowed to be played outside of the Mizu Union!"

When the boundaries and the tree boats had been set in position, Two more boats drove form the beach. The blue one had a group of the semes (Kisame, Kakuzu, Raiga, Zabuza, and Link) while the red on had a group of miserable-looking ukes (Itachi, Ranmaru, Haku, Naruto, and Sheik).

When the boats stopped, the members of both groups gave ready signals before they jumped into the water.

"Today, a game of KiriBall will be played for our enjoyment!" The crowd cheered again. Afterwards, the announcer began again, "And here to help the judges observe the match is the father of the Team Seme Captain: Nokoru Hoshigaki!" The older shark sat down next to the judges and grabbed a mic.

"Good morning guys!"

"Hi Dad!" Kisame waved from the water.

"So, Hoshigaki-san," Shuichi began, "What is KiriBall?"

"Well, first off," Nokoru began, "KiriBall is a very diverse sport. Depending on what water village you hail from , you can be used to playing it different ways. AmeBall, LighteningBall, TakiBall... But the best, and most often played, version is KiriBall."

"Bull shit!"

"Shut up, Pein in the ass!" The white-haired shark yelled to the orange-haired nin. "Anyway, the main rules of the sport are fairly simple: KiriBall is played with a twenty pound stone ball that-"

"TWENTY POUNDS?" Sheik and Naruto yelled in disbelief.

"Yes, twenty pounds." Nokoru continued, "That the players have to move around the field in order to destroy the trees that are on each side of the field. Whichever team knock down the other's trees first wins."

"Is that it?" Bayonetta asked.

"Yep. Oh, also anything goes! Except for weapons. Other than that, if you can do it, it's legal!"

"Which is why I hate this game!" Itachi called from the water. Meanwhile, Naruto looked over at the semes, specifically Kisame; at a peculiar, circular scar near his chest to be exact.

"Hey, Kisame!" Naruto laughed, "I see you still have that scar I gave you!" Kisame flinched and turned with an angry smirk before saying,

"Ney Naruto, I see you still have that bite I gave you!" Naruto jolted back, moving a hand to the bite-mark he had on his shoulder.

"Hey you two!" Itachi called out, "Let's keep the political issues at home!" The Mizukage and the Hokage begrudgingly agreed. After a bit more preparation, Nokoru called out "Take no prisoners!"

"No surrender!" Kisame, Kakuzu, Raiga, and Zabuza called out, signaling teh start of the match. One of the coordinators flung the ball into the water and that was it. It landed on Team Ukes side and Itachi whimpered,

"Oh God, why?" Immediately, Kisame performed a series of hand-signs and called out,

"Mizu-Same Bakudan (Water-Shark Missile)!" Some of the water formed into a swarm of sharks that began to rush for the ball. The ukes all screamed before Itachi threw the ball towards Naruto,

"Here, you take it!"

"What the hell?" Naruto yelped as he struggled to hold the ball. Suddenly, the water-sharks pounced onto him, one of them taking the ball back to Kisame.

"Good sharkie..." He patted the beast on the head, turning it back into water. The bluenette then tossed the ball up, shouting "Kakuzu!" The brunette rushed over and jumped into air before performing some hand-signs of his own and calling out,

"Taki No Jutsu (Waterfall Jutsu)!" A torrent of water rushed up and surrounded the ball before it came down on one of the trees as a powerful waterfall, crushing the poor plant.

"Team Seme has taken the lead by destroying one of the uke's trees!" Finland announced. As the crowd was cheering, Naruto emerged from the water, breathing heavily.

"You shark-bastard!" Naruto sputtered out as he took the ball and gathered some chakra into his free hand. When the bluish chakra had formed into that familiar ball-shape, Naruto placed the game ball on top of it and called out, "Rasengan!" Before he launched the spinning ball towards the semes. Most of them swam away, but Link wasn't so lucky.

With a shout, he was launched spinning into air before he fell into the water. He quickly swam back up and yelled, "Oh really?" He brought out his Ocarina and played out the Song of Storms. A storm rolled in and began to cover the area in clouds and rain.

"Oh, it's on now!" Nokoru cheered out, loving how authentic the scene had gotten. Link tossed the ball to Kisame, who in turn threw it to Raiga. Raiga smirked before, in a flash, he was gone.

"Where... did he go?" Sheik asked. The ukes were all looking around for where the lightening-wielding ninja had gone. In a flash, Raiga rushed passed them and stood next to another one of their trees.

"Hey! You get away from there!" Itachi called out. Raiga simply laughed before he tossed the ball up into the air and it came down surrounded by electricity, destroying the second tree of the morning. The crowd cheered, especially the semes. "That's it." Itachi grabbed the ball as Raiga swam back to the seme side. "We're going to take this up a notch." The weasel huddled all of the ukes together and they discussed a game-plan before they put it into action. Ranmaru and Sheik dived underneath the water, the prior holding the ball.

Immediately, Kisame had Raiga and Zabuza go after them. They had caught up to the purple-haired teen right when he and Sheik had to reemerge again. But Ranmaru smiled before he tossed the ball to Sheik and the Sheikaih vanished in a cloud of smoke. "Where'd he..?" Zabuza asked.

Sheik reappeared near the semes' trees and was about to try and knock one of them down. Kisame signaled for Kakuzu to do something, so the brunette extended one of his arms, via the threads, grabbed Sheik and flung him all the way back to the uke side. The honey-blonde yelled all the way, actually managing to drop the ball.

"Hey!" Link called over, "Could you be a tiny bit gentler with my uke? I am planning to tap that tonight." Kakuzu held up his hands in a 'fine' motion before they swam back to the main area.

"So it's the bottom of the first half..." Nokoru announced, "The semes have all four of their trees while the ukes only have two..."

CRASH!

Zabuza and Kisame had worked together to create a medium wave to surround the ball and that took down another one of the uke's trees.

"Correction: The ukes only have one tree left."

Itachi threw his hands into the air and huffed, "This is a lost cause!"

"Can't we just surrender?" Sheik asked.

"No surrender!" The semes called out. Itachi glared at Sheik,

"Does that answer your question?" Naruto rushed over, taking the ball,

"Well, I'm not giving up!" He took a deep breath before diving underwater. Kisame smirked before he created another swarm of water-sharks. The creatures swam underwater.

Everyone waited.

Suddenly, Naruto rushed to the surface, screaming as the water-sharks chased him down. One of them grabbed the ball away from him and swam, full force, until it crashed into the last tree and made it splinter into hundreds of itty-bitty peices.

"SEMES WIN!" Nokoru shouted out, the crowds joining him in cheers. The semes came together and cheered their victory at such a wonderful game.

"This is a sport I could be getting into, da?" Russia smiled, waving to the semes. Afterwards, Kisame swam over to Itachi and asked,

"Itachi, you okay?" Itachi frowned and glared at Kisame before stating,

"Hoshigaki. Kisame. I am soaked, my muscles are aching, I have water where it should never go, outside of the bedroom that is, and you ask me if I'm okay?"

"Um..." Kisame hummed, "Yes?" Itachi rolled his eyes,

"I hate you...", as he and his husband swam to the shore.

* * *

**A/N: **

**Team Seme: 550**

**Team Uke: 400 **

**Wow, that was fun! Yeah, KiriBall is another element of my AU. It's basically the official sport of the Mizu Union (the collection of all the water-based villages). **

**If anyone is confused on the conflict between Kisame and Naruto, it will all be revealed soon. How soon? I don't know... Please read and review! **

**-Tyranno's girl. **


	49. Delirium and Demise Orcot

**A/N: Hi guys! Firstly, **

**ANIME EXPO WAS AWESOME! Dudes, I got a hot RussiAmerica doujinshi (along with the ones for Bleach and Death Note that I got from a random grab-bag), two yaoi manga, a yaoi novel, and a cute pin with 'Kol kol kol...' on it (those who watch Hetalia will get the reference). And, on the first day (I could only afford to go two days) I got to go to the wonderfully executed Hetalia forum. Got to ask the nations (rather, people cosplaying as the nations) questions and I even got to represent Korea at one point (don't ask me why, they needed another nation and I volunteered).**

**Second, I'm glad that everyone liked the KiriBall chapter. Thirdly * takes a deep breath a states quickly *... Seeing as how I am running out of ideas for beach-themed challenges (not challenges all together, just beach-themed ones), I am now going to try and finish the spotlight chapters for the kids. **

**Yay! **

**I really need to finish these because the celebration fic is filled with enough spoilers already, let alone not knowing about some of the characters. Let's see... * tries to figure out how much writing this equates to... * only two more chapters? Huh, I thought it was more... **

**Oh well... **

**Disclaimer: Tyranno's girl doesn't own anything except her ideas.

* * *

**

_Mizuki Hoshigaki falls from the ceiling and onto the floor. He groans softly before more children and some animals come. They all cheer, "The Seme-Uke Games: Children-Side!" _

_Spotlight on: Delirium and Demise Orcot _

The housing arrangement for the Seme-Uke Games was a bit odd. Seme Estate was on one side of the street; Uke Manor was on the other side. And next to the latter was a nice and comfy little bed-and-breakfast style house. It was in this house that the children of the competitors (along with their care-takers) were staying.

_8:00 AM _

In the back of the small house, was a dim room. The walls were decorated with luxurious silk curtains and delicate tapestries. The smells of incense wafted into the air. On a pile of pillows and sheets and blankets, slept two small twins. One was a girl with blonde hair and the other was a boy with short black hair.

The two slept on for a long while until the boy kicked the girl in the side, subconsciously trying to get more room. The girl whined softly before kicking back. The brunette responded with a shove that the blonde gave back with full force. This went on for a minute before the girl actually woke up and shoved her brother off of the pile. "Would you stay on your side of the bed?"

* * *

_Hello and... _

**Greetings to you. My name is Demise Orcot... **

_Why did you say your name first? I'm the oldest! Ugh, anyway... My name is Delirium Orcot and I'm the older twin. Demise here is, the more 'immature' twin. _

**Just because you're pretty, dearest sister, doesn't give an excuse for your callous tongue. **

_Oh, my lovely brother... Do shut up. _

**As if you could make me-OW! **

_*Starts pulling on Demise's hair* What was that, lovely brother? Anywho... We are both five years old and our mother, Count D, owns the Count D Pet Shop in... Where are we located now, lovely brother of mine? _

**Agh! ChinaTown, Tokyo! **

_Ah, that's it! And our father-Wah! _

***Turns the tables by twisting his sister's arm behind her back* I bet you wish you went to work with Dad more often, huh? Our Dad is Detective Leon Orcot and we all live with the pets in the Pet shop. **

_Could you be so kind, dearest brother, and LET GO OF ME!

* * *

_

Delirium and Demise walked down the stairs (rather, Delirium was dragging her brother down the steps) and they didn't stop until they had gotten to the kitchen. Delirium let go and they sat at the counter waiting for the Princess du jour to make them something to eat.

"Hi!" Peach turned around and greeted the two twins, "What do you guys want to eat?"

"How about some of your famous Peach Cobbler with extra whipped cream? Please?" Delirium batted her wide, mismatched blue and purple eyes for added affect. Peach practically melted.

"Of course dear." She turned to Demise, "And you?"

"Rice pudding." The boy replied before he smiled and added, "With extra strawberries, powdered sugar, and condensed milk please."

"You two are so cute when you're not arguing!" Peach cooed as she began on the dishes. She was completely oblivious to the fact that, when she turned, the twins started a battle of hair pulling and biting.

* * *

**If you haven't noticed, we have big things for animals, sugar... Hm, that's just about it and... * Looks over * Hey! That's my chocolate bar! **

_I'm sorry, what? _

**Give it back, you harpy!

* * *

**

"Here you go!" Peach beamed as she placed the sweets in front of the twins. The children bowed their thanks before beginning their meals. Not even a minute later, Demise tried stealing some of his sister's cobbler, which resulted in her kicking his chair over onto the floor.

* * *

_Despite all this, we love each other! Right, my lovely brother? * holding Demise's hands away from herself * _

**Of course, dearest sister... * Holding Delirium's hands away from himself ***


	50. Devlin and Ken Levin

_Mizuki Hoshigaki falls from the ceiling and onto the floor. He groans softly before more children and some animals come. They all cheer, "The Seme-Uke Games: Children-Side!"_

_Spotlight on: Ken and Devlin Levin_

The housing arrangement for the Seme-Uke Games was a bit odd. Seme Estate was on one side of the street; Uke Manor was on the other side. And next to the latter was a nice and comfy little bed-and-breakfast style house. It was in this house that the children of the competitors (along with their care-takers) were staying.

_6:30 AM_

"Devwin?" A small two year-old boy brown haired boy with wide, toxic-green eyes looked at his brother, who was holding him up to the door.

"Hm?" The other boy, looking like a mini, brown-haired Kevin Levin, blinked at the younger's voice. "What's up?" The smaller boy bit his lip before he asked,

"Awre you sure we should be doing this?"

"Ken, listen, as long as we're practicing our powers, things should be fine."

"B-but..."

"Ken..." The two year-old sighed,

"Okay." He took a big breath before he he exhaled onto the edges of the door, an icy-cold wind freezing the spaces between the door and the walls.

"Heh heh, perfect." The older boy chuckled as he set his brother to the floor. "Now, all we have to do is wait." The two then proceeded to walk back to their room as if nothing had happened.

_7:00 AM_

"Hey." The door knob wiggled as someone tried to open the frozen over door. "Hey!" The door that the two boys had frozen-over, turned out to be the door to Midna's room. "What the fuck is this? I'm gonna go Hyrule/Twilight Realm Medeival on whoever pulled this shit on me!" She yelled as she pounded her fists on the door.

* * *

'Sup.

_Hi! * waves a small hand excitedly *_

So, what are we supposed to do here?

_Um... I think talk to the camera._

Hm? * looks at said camera, making an agitated face * Okay then... So, my name's Devlin Max Levin. I'm six years old and this... * picks up the smaller boy * Go on, introduce yourself.

_Hi. I'm Ken Verdon Levin ( 1 ). I'm two and I'm the little brother._

That's right, so stay away unless you want your teeth to meet the back of your throat.

_Devwin... Don't thweaten the nice people. We can talk more about ourselves, wight?_

* sighs * Sure thing. So, yeah... Um, did I mention that we're technically aliens? * camera moves from side to side * Well, yeah. We are. Ken, show 'em.

_* sharply inhales before a pair of crystal-blue, insect-like wings grow from his back * Aren't they pretty?_

Yes Ken, they're... very pretty. There is a great big story behind that, which our parents always respond with...

* * *

_"Mom," Devlin asks Ben Tennyson while they're at the Mr. Smoothy restaurant, "Where did me and Ken come from?" Ben nearly choked on his smoothie and replied,_

_"I'll tell you when you're older... Okay?"_

_* Line break *  
_

_"Daddy!" Ken ran over to Kevin Levin._

_"What is it kiddo?" Kevin replied, giving his youngest son a noogie. Ken giggled before asking,_

_"Where do babies come fwom?" Kevin paled before he cleared his throat,_

_"Maybe you should talk to your Mom about that..."

* * *

_

And thus, it's a never-ending cycle **( 2 )**.* rolls eyes * Yay.

_Devwin..._

Sup?

_... I'm hungwy...

* * *

_

Devlin led his brother to the main room where most of the other kids were already eating breakfast or watching TV. The older brunette sat Ken on the couch and said, "Don't move. I'll be back with breakfast." As the six year-old walked away, Ken called over,

"Don't steal it!" Devlin sighed.

"Of course Ken..."

* * *

I spoil you, ya know.

_What does 'spoil' mean?_

* sighs * Yet, he's so cute, if I did anything, I would come out looking bad...

* * *

"Here." Devlin held out breakfast, "I got you an apple."

"Yay!" Ken cheered before he began gnawing at the apple. Although, with Ken not having all of his teeth yet, the scene was cute. If not sad, seeing as how he could barely get through the outer skin. Devlin blushed before he grabbed the apple and pulled a pocket-knife from his pocket.

In a flash, the apple had been cut into small slices. "Here. Eat." Ken smiled and took a few of the slices.

As the two brothers sat down to eat, Midna popped in from nowhere and yelled, "Alright, I know that only two of you kids have powers over ice so who was it?" Devlin gulped and was about to take the blame when Ken looked up at the Twilight princess and spoke,

"Miss Midna? Pwease don't be mad. At weast you're out of your room now." Midna was about to yell some more, but she practically melted at the small boy's cuteness. She turned around and blushed,

"Just... don't do it again, okay?"

* * *

Maybe your cuteness isn't so bad. * ruffles his brother's hair *

_Yay! I'm useful!

* * *

_

**( 1 ) Devlin and Ken's middle names are actually from Ben's grandpa (Max Tennyson) and grandma (the psycho alien-lady Verdona)**

**( 2 ) I already explained this in the second 'Tracy Has A Problem' chapter.**

**TG- Okay people, next week... I don't know, but I will update. And, once again * mutters * LOH will be updated on Saturday. Please review!**

**-Tyranno's girl. **


	51. Beachtime Antics

_When making a pyramid... _

"Alright everyone!" The commentator announced to the audience, "We're going to get all of our beach-themed challenges out in the open today!" After waiting for the cheers to subside, she stated, "The first challenge is for both teams to build a human pyramid with all of their members. The team who can build it and stay up for a full countdown wins." She smiled, "Let's get busy!"

On Team Uke's side, they apparently had a new cheerleader. Pink pom-poms shook and waved around as a voice called out, "Go Team! Like, Go Team!" Poland jumped up, clad in a pink and red skirt and a pink shirt, even having a pastel pink hair-clip in his hair. Itachi (as well as a few others) groaned,

"Poland, where's your swim-suit?"

"Oh!" Feliks stopped his jumping, "I didn't feel like wearing it. Swim trunks are, like, so 90s!"

"Fine, just..." Itachi struggled not to yell. He finally sighed, "Just... stay over here until I call you."

* * *

"Okay team!" Kisame called out, "Let's make this happen!" After the Semes gave their signature battle-cry, Germany asked,

"So, how are we going to go about this?"

"Hm... Thanks to our new guy, our number is a bit odd..." Kisame hummed as he looked the group over. Then he decided, "Alright, Russia, Germany, Prussia, Spain, Turkey, Ike, and Korea, on your knees!"

"What?" They all asked incredulously. Kisame chuckled as he realized what he said.

"For the pyramid, guys!"

"Oh..." But then Prussia said,

"Why does the Awesomeness known as Me have to be on the bottom?" Kisame tried to settle the protest down,

"Because-"

"Nein!" Gilbert stubbornly refused.

* * *

"Alright, so..." Itachi looked everyone over before he decided, "The first tier will be America, Canada, China, Sheik, Gregory, Naruto," Itachi shuddered at that decision, "And Ben." America immediately rose his hand and asked,

"Why do I have to be in the bottom tier?" He smirked towards one of the cameras that the coordinators were bringing around, "Everyone knows that I'm a top tier character!" Immediately, Itachi got a Wii Mote and hit Alfred upside the head with it. "Ow~!"

"First of all, Alfred," Itachi began, "Everyone knows that Tiers R 4 Queers **( 1 )**. Second of all, I just need you to be on the bottom level, okay?" The hero nation scoffed,

"Why, is it because I'm fat?"

"As a matter of fact," Itachi smirked, "Yes, it is!"

_Cue America running across the beach._

"Waah~!" He cried as he ran from the group.

"Waah~!" He cried as he ran past the bleachers.

"Waah~!" He cried as he ran up the boardwalk.

"Waah~!" He cried as he ran up to an ice cream-stand. "I'll take a scoop of vanilla, a scoop of chocolate, a scoop of strawberry, a scoop of cookies n' cream, and a scoop of Rocky Road all on a waffle cone please." After the vendor made the precarious dessert, America took it with a "Thank you kindly." After taking a lick, he ran back down the boardwalk, "Waah~!"

"Waah~!" He cried as he past the bleachers.

"Waah~!" He cried as he made it to the group. "Look what I got!" The blonde held out the cone, which he had managed to make it back without dropping.

"Man!" Itachi smacked the ice cream cone to the ground. Alfred sniffled before he sobbed,

"Waah~!" Itachi briskly smacked the nation upside the head,

"Would you get to work on the damn pyramid already?" America sniffled while rubbing his head. Then he pouted,

"You're mean~!" Itachi smirked,

"Why, yes. Yes, I am."

* * *

"Prussia, come on!" All the semes groaned as Prussia still wouldn't get into position. Finally, Kisame (being the brilliant politician that he is) stated,

"How about this: You don't have to be on the bottom tier." The albino nation smirked,

"Thought so."

"You can be on the second to the bottom tier!"

"Son of a-!" Gilbert choked but Kisame laughed,

"Too bad, you already agreed!"

"Damn it!" Prussia hissed, but the deed was done.

"Okay then, now..." Kisame began, "England, you'll have to replace Prussia." So, the bottom tier for Team Seme was finally complete.

* * *

_Cue the voice from SpongeBob SquarePants. "Two hours later..."_

The pyramids ended up like this:

Team Seme:

Bottom Tier- Russia, Germany, England, Spain, Turkey, Ike, and Korea.

Sixth Tier- Kisame, Kakuzu, Prussia, Zetsu, Raiga, and Zabuza.

Fifth Tier- Sasori, Lithuania, Link, Kakashi, and Christophe.

Fourth Tier- Stan, Sasuke, Neji, and Zane

Third Tier- Leon, Professor Oak, and Orochimaru

Second Tier- Damien and Kevin

First Tier- Shadow, Craig, Aster, and Roy.

Team Uke:

Bottom Tier- America, Canada, China, Sheik, Gregory, Naruto, and Ben.

Sixth Tier- Hidan, China, Gaara, Iruka, Chazz, and Pip.

Fifth Tier- Itachi, Kabuto, Kyle, Poland, and Tracy.

Fourth Tier- Greece, N. Italy, S. Italy, and France.

Third Tier- Count D, Deidara, and Marth.

Second Tier- Tobi and Jaden **(A/N: Isn't it a bad idea to put two idiots in one place?)**

First Tier- Pit, Haku, Ranmaru, and Tweek.

Now, why did the first tier have four contestants? Well, it's hard to evenly divide the number 31, okay?

* * *

"Way to go guys!" Kisame strained out, "Now we just have to wait for the judges to come over and do the count down!" The semes all groaned. A few of the semes strained to look where the judges were.

Shuichi was buying a souvenir at a gift shop.

Bayonetta was working on her tan.

Finland was buying Sealand a snow-cone.

Both teams groaned.

"Oh my God, we're gonna die!" Orochimaru yelled. Sasuke yelped when the snake's hand clutched into his back,

"Orochimaru, let go! You're crushing my spine!" Orochimaru moved his hands, only a little, but he ended up tangling his fingers into both Neji's and Zane's hair. Both males yelled in pain, causing the pyramid to jostle a little.

"Guys, cut it out!" Kisame yelled.

"You aren't making it easy for the rest of us!" Russia cried out. And it was true, every tiny movement felt like hell to those on the bottom tier. Especially England, who looked like he was ready to keel over any moment.

"Why are you all so heavy~?" Lithuania groaned out, moving one of his hands to get a better stance. Bad idea, seeing as how when he moved his hand got cut by one of the edges of Zetsu's fly-trap. "OW!" He yelped, almost rearing back. The whole pyramid swerved a bit but, they slowly recovered.

They sat there, silently. That is, until England began shivering. "Arthur..." Kisame growled, "Don't you dare..." England nodded and tried to stay still ( he was in the center area so, if he fell...).

However, a ocean breeze, thick with the smell of smoke from a nearby barbecue, floated through the area. It brushed against Arthur's nose and he tensed up. "Ah..."

"No..." Kisame gulped.

"Ah..."

"Oh, this will not end well..." Craig dead-panned. England yelled,

"Oh, God save the Queen- Achoo!" And that was it, he fell to the ground and it cause a horrible domino-effect.

"Gott en Himmel (God in Heaven)!" Germany and Prussia yelled.

"Madre de Dios (Mother of God)!" Spain screamed as they fell and everyone else came tumbling after.

Completely ignoring the screams and groans of pain, the judges went to Team Uke and Bayonetta counted out, "One, two, three... Oh, to hell with it, you win." The ukes all cheered as they slowly began to climb down. For Team Seme, however...

"My legs~!" Shadow yelled in agony. To which Korea yelled back,

"I can't even feel my legs, da ze!"

"My bloody spine!" England howled.

Professor Oak rolled Orochimaru's body off of himself and tried to get up, but winced and whimpered out, "Oh, my lumbago..." Stan looked away from his sprained arm over to where the commentator was trying to assure everyone that everything was fine.

"We've just had a bit of a... game-related mishap..."

"Call an ambulance, you stupid bitch!" Stan yelled. Link looked up and said,

"You might want to make that two ambulances...", before he stood up, showing that his Master Sword had gone right through his stomach.

"Oh my God!" The commentator screamed, Stan adding,

"They killed Link!"

"You bastards!" Sheik called out from across the way. When Kyle gave him a mean look, he sighed, "Sorry, that was your line." Link rolled his eyes,

"I have, like, a million lives left, damn...", before he keeled over.

"My arms..." Sasori cried. But then we see that they are nowhere to be found, "Has anyone seen my arms?"

"Kisame, I think three of my hearts may have just collapsed... Along with one of my lungs..." Kakuzu's voice called out, though it was a bit muffled under all the suffering bodies. Russia looked at his chest and then in front of him to see that a crab was carrying his own heart away.

"Nyet! Come back!" He yelled. Kisame searched his mouth with his tongue before he called out,

"If anyone finds any shark teeth, they're mine...", and collapsed onto the floor.

**Team Seme- 550 **

**Team Uke- 450

* * *

**

_Sand Castle Siege _

After a trip to the nearest hospital, everyone was back and ready for the next challenge...

"Sand castle-building!" The commentator cheered, holding her own bucket and shovel. "Each team will have two hours to build a spectacle that will impress the judges. Good luck!"

"Oh, we've got this!" Stan smirked and pointed a thumb towards Christophe, who had already begun digging out the foundation to their castle, as well as getting sand ready. At first, the semes were completely stoked. Until Craig began, "Uh, guys...?" They looked towards the uke side where Greece was halfway done digging a giant foundation while Gaara used his powers to get the sand ready.

"Um..." Kisame chuckled nervously, "How ere we going to move this sand, anyhow?"

* * *

"Okay Kirby!" Ike called over to the pink puffball that had quite a load in his mouth. When Kirby got to a certain area, the mercenary gave him a signal. Kirby then exhaled a giant pile of sand and a few sea-shells. "Thank you!" Ike called over. Kirby gave one of his signature 'Poyo!'s' and floated away.

* * *

Forty-five minutes into the challenge, Kisame looked over their progress and frowned, "Guys, what the hell is going on here?" Germany stopped his work and replied,

"I was making a replica of the Neuschwanstein Castle." The England sputtered,

"But I was working on a model of Buckingham Palace!" Spain laughed,

"That's funny! Because I was working on the Alcazar Castle!" Russia joined the laughter,

"And I was working on Saint Basil's Cathedral, da?"

"And I made Hyrule Castle!" Link smiled. Kisame face-palmed,

"But I was working on Kirigakuran Manor..." At that, everyone looked at their... creation and saw why it is good to have a planning session before working on something like this.

* * *

"Count down with me everyone!" The commentator began, "Five... Four... Three..."

"Two..."

"One! Time for the judges to deliberate on our teams' creations!" The trio of judges walked over to the Seme side and immediately, Bayonetta asked,

"What the hell is that?" Kisame sighed,

"Apparently it's the bastard love-child of all the castles and important buildings in the world."

* * *

The semes and the judges walked to the Uke side and gasped at what they saw. It wasn't a sand castle, it was a life-sized sand mansion. The door opened and Itachi walked out, smiling, "Would you like to come in?" We're having lunch right now." The semes rushed in, the smell of food too alluring.

**Team Seme- 550 **

**Team Uke- 500

* * *

**

_Niwatori! ('Chicken', for those of you who don't know Japanese)_

"Our final game," The commentator began as the sun was beginning to set, "Is a game of Chicken between our team captains and two members of their own choice!" Immediately, Kisame and Itachi chose their partners.

"I pick Ivan!" Kisame grabbed the scarf-wearing nation.

"America, I choose you!" Itachi called out to the blonde nation who was, coincidentally, playing Pokémon: Platinum Version on the DS he had gotten from Japan on his birthday.

"Okay, just gotta finish this battle and my Monferno will- Wait, wha..?" He looked up from his game.

Soon, in the water, Russia was carrying Kisame on his shoulders while Itachi was trying to get situated on Alfred. "Would you stop moving?"

"But I have the attention-span of a- Ooh look! A fishy!" Itachi smacked America before the duos waded over to each other.

"Ready..!" Kisame smiled down towards Itachi,

"I can't go easy on you, you know?" Itachi smirked,

"You won't have to."

"Go!" Itachi called out,

"America, go!" Nothing happened. "Alfred?" America had gone right back to playing his DS (thank God for water-proof cases). "Damn it all, you stupid Yankee!" Itachi cried out before Kisame had his arms in a tight hold.

"Hey, watch it! I'm fighting a gym boss here!" Alfred yelled out. Itachi struggled a vain struggle against Kisame until the bluenette nodded to Russia. The cream-haired nation smirked before he kicked at one of Alfred's ankles, both Itachi and America into the water.

"Team Seme gets the points! And that concludes our time at the beach!" Everyone cheered, some people 'aw'ing as Kisame and Russia helped their ukes up.

"Aw man!" America whined, "Fantina beat me again!" Itachi jerked before he jumped over and pounced onto the blonde, dunking his head into the water repeatedly before the two got into a water-fight and creating a very fanservicey scene.

"Ladies?" The commentator spoke to the chorus.

_**"Fan~Ser~Vice!"**_ And at that, the cameras came out.

* * *

**OMAKE 1**

We see Japan (a.k.a. Kiku Honda) sleeping in his room, holding onto an America plushie. "Hrm... Tanjou-bi... Omedetou... America-kun..." At the 'America-kun' a small smile grew on his face.

_In Kiku's dream, he was going through the birthday party that had been organized for America, Canada, and Hong Kong. He remembered when Alfred opened all of his presents (and even some of his brothers') and the hug he himself had gotten when he gave him his small gift a Nintendo DS with American flag decals. _

_"Aw Kiku, you're awesome!" _

_That hug made him so happy... _

_Later on, when the kids had been sent to bed, the alcohol had been brought out and America participated in that old Independence Day tradition: Getting wasted off your ass. _

_"Whoo, howdy!" Alfred sighed, the alcohol bringing his southern accent into light, "I reckon this was a might fine birthday!" But soon, as most people know, a drunk America led to a sleepy America. Not to mention a horny one... "Sleepy..." The blonde muttered, lolling off on the table. Japan blushed and walked over before saying, _

_"Perhaps I should help you to your room, America-san." _

_"Really? You'd do that? Man, aren't you just as sweet as a honey-bee covered in molasses?" Japan blushed. Maybe, just maybe if he could get America somewhere in private, he could... _

_"Ah, America..." Russia walked over and picked America up, placing him over his shoulder. "You shouldn't sleep here, you might catch cold." Then the large nation carried Japan's treasure away, Alfred all the while slurring out the words to: _

_"'Birthday sex, birthday sex, _

_It's the best day of the year, boy _

_Birthday sex, birthday sex, _

_It feels like, feels like, he's mine, he's mine~!'" _

_Japan just stood there before he muttered, "Why couldn't he be singing that song to me?"_

Kiku woke up from his sleep and looked at his plushie, sighing, "At least you still love me, right?"

* * *

**OMAKE 2**

After a whole night of hearing his father talk about how much of a failure and a usurper he was, Russia replied, "Are you quite finished yet?" After a moment General Winter nodded.

"Now," he began as he picked up a potted baby Palm Tree, "If you will excuse me, I am going to be taking this Palm Tree into my room and crying myself to sleep."

_3:00 AM the next morning..._

"Agghhh~!" General Winter's voice sobbed out (as it had been the whole night), waking everyone in Seme Estate, "Why did you leave me~? Mother Africa! Why don't you love me~? Agghhh~! Mother Africa! **( 2 )**"

In Kisame's room, Russia was sleeping on the floor (Winter had 'commandeered' his room) with two pillows on top of his head to keep his father's lamenting out. Yet, after fifteen minutes more, he groaned up at Kisame, "Has he stopped yet?"

"No..." Kisame groaned back, burying his head into the covers. "Who's he sobbing about anyway?"

"Who knows..?" Ivan groaned again, trying to see if he could knock himself out with his pipe.

* * *

**Team Seme- 600 **

**Team Uke- 500 **

**A/N: **

**( 1 ) This is the main catch-phrase for the Tiers R 4 Queers Association (it's actually real). It's basically the gamers who are sick of people judging the characters of fighting games on a system of 'useful' and 'useless'. The rules also say that if you are playing a game with someone and they mention 'tiers', you're supposed to hit them with a Wii Mote or a Gamecube controller. "It is the way one uses a character, not their position that really counts." -Tiers R 4 Queers. **

**( 2 ) This is part of another Hetalia fic that I'm going to write soon. The preview should be out... After I finish the celebration stuff. Plus, it kind of explains why Winter is such a crochetdy old man.**

**Please review!**

**-Tyranno's girl.**


	52. Great Balls of Fury

"Ah!" Spain's eyes widened as he opened a package that had been delivered to Seme Estate for him. "My team delivered the World Cup trophy that they won. Isn't it great?" Most of the other nations in the estate, especially those who had had teams competing in the World Cup, merely decided to tune the romantic nation's glee out.

"Hey, it's really pretty..." Kisame walked over. Antonio smiled,

"It is, isn't it?"

"Can I see it?" The shark asked. Immediately, Spain clutched the trophy to his chest and yelled back,

"¡Joda lejos! ¡Márchese! ¡Consiga las manos lejos, es mi trofeo! ¡La mina, la mina, mío (Fuck off! Go away! Get your hands off, it's my trophy! Mine, mine, mine)!"

"Damn, okay, shit..." Kisame backed off from the possessive one until he calmed down.

* * *

"Ah..." The commentator sighed into the microphone. "Isn't it good to be back at our home stadium, the crown?" There was silence for a minute before she called out, "Alright, enough of the laziness!" She picked up a red, rubber ball that she had next to her, "Let's play some _dodgeball_!"

The audience cheered, ready to see some broken bones. But there were mixed opinions on the field. Everyone was up and roaring and ready to play.

Except for Stan, Damien, Craig, and Christophe.

"Guys, what's up?" Kisame asked as he was doing his rounds of checking up on everyone. Stan whimpered,

"We're about to face hell..."

"I never even got to sleep with Tweekers one last time..." Craig sighed. Kisame chuckled,

"Come on, it's just a game of dodgeball." Russia walked over and, after readjusting his shirt, asked,

"Is this the game where you hit people with the red rubber balls of death?" The group nodded.

Immediately two balls flew through the air. One hit Prussia and one hit Lithuania. After seeing the smile on the large nation's face, Kisame sighed, "Not your own teammates, Ivan..."

* * *

"Ack! Dodgeball is so painful, man!" Tweek spasmed in fear, "I can't do it man!" Many of the other ukes felt a bit uneasy as well. Dodgeball wasn't exactly their strongsuits. Maybe America. But Kyle and Gregory seemed really calm. Itachi frowned,

"Why are you two so happy?" Kyle smiled,

"We've got this dudes. Because we have a secret weapon!" And then Kyle pointed to one of the most polite, timid happy members of Team Uke. One Philip 'Pip' Pirrup.

"You're kidding right?" Itachi deadpanned.

* * *

Both teams got to the field, separated only by a line of twenty-five dodgeballs. Bayonetta brought out an assault rifle this time around and aimed for the sky. "Ready..." She called out. The witch shot the gun, a loud, unmistakable bang, signaling the start of the match. Both teams rushed towards the balls, the semes getting most of them. Hidan and S. Italy were manning the Uke front. Lovino hurled his ball, towards Germany and managed to get him out.

"Ve... Fratello..." N. Italy sighed, "Why didn't you go for Spain?" Lovino flinched,

"Chigii~! I should have, huh?" Too late, Prussia got a revenge hit for his brother, getting teh older Italian out. Hidan successfully got Zetsu, Sasuke, and Kakashi out and was about to go for Kisame when he felt a hit on his shoulder. He had been hit!

"Alright, who's the bastard that got me out?" He yelled. Kakuzu smirked and waved from his position on the field, chuckling when Hidan stomped off the field.

* * *

Despite their valiant efforts (and they really tried, this isn't the authoress just B.S.-ing), the ukes were down to their last two competitors: Itachi and Pip, while thr semes still had most of their team left. Itachi threw a ball, determined to at least get Kisame out. But the shark deflected it with another ball.

"Itachi, you're out!" The commentator called out.

"Son of a bitch!" The Uchiha seethed out. So now it was young Pip against all of those threatening semes.

"Mon Dieu..." Christophe blinked, "Are we actually going to survive zis?" Him, Stan, Craig and Damien were ecstatic. They were going to live! They had survived and-!

"'Ey! You ukes suck! And not in _that_ way!" Kyle raised his head and looked around with his garnet green-shaded eyes,

"That voice... that irritatingly shrill voice..." He stood up and called, "Cartman, you fatass! What are you doing out of summer-school?"

"Wouldn't you like to know?" Cartman called back, sitting back down next to Stan and Kyle's other friend Kenny (you know, that guy who just can not seem to stay dead?). "But hey, I mean, you guys were bound to lose with the French wuss Pippers on your team!"

"Cartman, dude, shut the fuck up!" Stan yelled in horror.

"What's the matter Frenchie? Did you get it too hard in the ass last night? Ha ha ha!" The fat teen laughed out. "Besides, what is he really going to do?" The other semes were still a bit confused as to what was going on but Stan had taken out a rosary and was praying, Damien pulled out a white handkerchief and called over to the judges,

"Call me Italy, cause I surrender!", before running off the stage, Craig pulled out a flask and was downing its contents, and Christophe put on a blindfold and enjoyed one last cigarette.

"Um..." England began, "Other than that kid really being an ass, what is the problem here?"

Then... came the growling. The semes looked in front of them and saw a very dark aura surrounding the petite blonde gentleman. "Um, what's wrong with Pip, Damien?" Kisame asked. But Damien was too busy getting as far away from the stadium as possible.

"How many times..." Pip growled, "Do I have to tell you lot..." The blonde picked up a ball, "I'm... Not... Bloody... FRENCH!" Pip launched a ball towards the seme side at full speed.

"Holy mother of-!" Kisame didn't even get to finish before the impact of the ball sent him into the wall behind them. When the shark's body didn't move, the semes all gulped. Pip threw another ball, landing a quadruple hit to Prussia, Kakuzu, Spain, and Kevin. He aimed towards Stan, the teen stating,

"Wait! Wait! Don't kill me, kill Kenny!" The hoody-wearing blonde widened his eyes in shock, yelling,

"Dude, wait, what?" Right before a ball sent him flying over the stadium-seating. Stan yelled,

"Oh my God, they killed Kenny-Agh!" then a ball hit him in the face. Kyle laughed,

"You bastards..." The other semes got the hint and tried to either play back or run. These proved futile because Pip would just hit them before they could even get out of the arena or pick up a ball.

"This is looking bad comrades." Russia gulped. Korea whimpered,

"Fear wasn't invented in Korea, but I'm just about ready to piss my pants, da ze..." Pip frowned before he picked up three more balls and sent them flying into the other group. A third of the remaining semes fell.

* * *

Near the end of the game, Pip was staring down Ike. "Hey, wait a minute! How did this happen?" Pip didn't answer. Instead, he picked up five of the remaining balls and launched them all towards the mercenary. "Goddess, help me..." He muttered. One ball hit his crotch then, before he could cover up, two hit his arms, then one hit his chest and finally, the last one hit his head, knocking him out.

Everyone in the audience looked on in silence at the carnage before the commentator stammered out, "Thanks to Pip's amazing skills on the field, Team Uke... wins..." Pip was panting heavily, still in his anger-filled trance until he, out of the blue, snapped out of it. Blue eyes widened and Pip gasped,

"Oh my-! What happened here? Oh my word, is... is everyone alright?" The semes, those who were still conscious, groaned in pain.

Meanwhile, in thr audience, Cartman was still laughing his fat ass off. "You guys got your asses handed to you by Frenchie... Oh man, that's going on my FaceBook for sure! I-!" He was cut off by Pip slamming a dodgeball into his fat face.

* * *

**A/N: **

**Team Seme: 600**

**Team Uke: 550**

**In ****South Park****, the one thing that Pip is good at (except being way too polite for his own good) is dodgeball. But you have to get him really pissed off before he can play really well. And the thing that pisses him off the most is being called French. But, if you were British, would **_**you**_** want to be called French? **

**Please review! **

**-Tyranno's girl.**


	53. Shopping A Go Go

"Hey! Kisame!" Naruto called over to the shark. Naruto had spent the night in Seme Estate (Sasuke's wishes) and he had decided to indulge in one of his favorite hobbies as the Hokage: Trying to piss off the Mizukage. "So, I heard that you had a meeting about the price of water in the land of water? How did that go out- Oh God, why are the people in the Mizu Union so _dumb_?" The blonde burst out laughing. All the semes watched as Kisame kept pretty calm. Then,

"Oh Naruto..." Kisame smirked, "You're right. In fact, I'm afraid that I don't understand your statement. Could you translate it into Ancient Konohagakuran for me?" Naruto flinched, why had he decided to sleep during those classes? "'Come on, Hokage... I don't have all day. And this is quite the day, we shouldn't waste it.'" Kisame chimed in perfect Ancient Konohagakuran.

"How-?" Naruto gasped, to which Kisame replied,

"What? Are you surprised that I can speak that, Ancient Kirigakuran, regular Japanese, _and_ Ivan is teaching me bits and pieces of Russian?" The blonde whined, pouting a bit. He gulped before stuttering out,

"'Y-you... are...'" Kisame leaned in,

"Yes?" The Hokage growled out,

"'YOU ARE A FOOL!'" Kisame flinched,

"Look at the frog calling the fish wet!"

* * *

"I have had it!" Itachi yelled at the event coordinators, slamming a fist onto their desk. "We are not participating in another game unless you do _something_," He gestured to himself, "About these _damn_ uniforms!" Dawn looked at the pink fabric before she asked,

"What's wrong with it?"

"What- What's wrong with it? Oh, I don't know maybe... THE FACT THAT TEAM UKE'S BECOME A LAUGHING-STOCK!"

"Come on, Itachi," Zoey sighed, "It's not that bad." The weasel dead-panned,

"Remember the end of the dodge ball challenge?"

_"Even though they didn't win," The commentator began, "Let's hear it for the semes!" The audience cheered whereas most of the semes were still being treated for their injuries. "And let's get another cheer for our victors..." _

_"Everybody get your victory faces on..." Itachi whispered. Then the commentator spoke, _

_"Team Fuzzy Pink Panda!" _

_"WHAT THE FUCK?" All of the ukes shouted as they fell victim to an epic anime-fall. Even Sasha, Team Uke's mascot, joined them on the screen. Then, because we love to add insult to injury, everyone began laughing._

"And as we can see from that conveniently placed flashback footage, you guys need to do something!" The two coordinators sighed before Zoey looked through a booklet on the table.

"The only thing we could do is give the members of Team Uke some money to go shopping and-"

"NOOO!" Kisame, Kakuzu, Sasuke, and Russia rushed into the room. Kakuzu growled,

"You must not speak the forbidden word!" Dawn frowned,

"What, you mean 'shopping'?" The force of that one little word seemed to echo through the whole area that the Seme-Uke Games was taking place in: from Seme Estate to Uke Manor, even to the Crown Stadium. And, of course, the ukes were reacting.

"Did..." America began just as he was about to order some food at a nearby McDonald's.

"Someone..." Kyle was trying to brush the infamous mass of orange that was his hair when he thought he heard something.

"Say..." Both Tracy and Kabuto were looking through a baby clothing-catalog when they heard it. Then, in his room, frantically going through his suitcases and closet for something good to where, Poland suddenly stopped. A smile grew on his face before he said,

"Shopping?"

Like bees to blooming flowers, the ukes swarmed to the coordinator desk and began pestering them for info. After thirty minutes of chatter...

"Alright!" Zoey yelled. "Yes, the ukes are going to be given some money to go shopping!" When the ukes squealed again, Zoey covered her ears in pain before she yelled, "Shut up! Anyway, we'll give the money to Itachi and he'll be in charge of dividing it up amongst all of you."

But, by then, everyone was already talking about what they wanted to and buy when they got to the mall. The semes...

Shadow was discretely moving a gun to the side of his head and almost pulled the trigger when Sasuke pulled the weapon away. "Why~?" Shadow sobbed silently.

"Because," Sasuke began, "If you shot yourself, who would shoot me?"

* * *

So, here they were: the ukes in the Uke bus on their way to the Magician's Hall Mall, the semes in the Seme bus, as solemn as prisoners going to the cutting block.

Itachi had just finished going through the money and spoke, "Alright, so the money that the coordinators were able to give us equates to $1,000 for each of us and-" Immediately, whines and groans were heard from the ukes.

"Ve..? But I spend more than that on pasta every three days!" N. Italy whined. As the ukes continued whining, Poland walked up next to Itachi and called out,

"Um, guys, I think you're forgetting something." The area was quiet, "This is the exact reason that we have semes! When our money runs out, we'll just take some from them!"

"Wait just a damn minute!" Kakuzu yelled, clutching for dear life on the Uke bus's hood.

"How in Jashin's name did you get out there?" Hidan yelled. The bus was stopped and Kakuzu barged in, yelling, "This is absolutely ridiculous. I may not be allowed to do anything to the money that you've already gotten but you aren't getting a dime more from us," He opened a window and called to the Seme bus, "Right guys?" The other semes merely mumbled their responses, knowing that this was a losing war. "Guys, why aren't you answering me..?" The brunette called over. Then he turned and saw why no one was speaking.

All of the ukes were looking at him with wide puppy-dog eyes. "No... Wait a minute." Kakuzu stepped back, "You all can't be doing this to me... I won't have it!"

* * *

"So, like I was saying..." Poland continued, now sans interruptions. Kisame and Russia walked over to Kakuzu who was twitching and groaning on the ground.

"A full-on uke-stare..." Kisame whistled.

"At 31-fold, no less..." Russia added.

Back to the drive, the ukes were still talking up a storm, when Feliks announced, "I think we're forgetting the most important thing that we need to buy today." The area was silent before the blonde smiled, "Shoes."

"Shoes." The Italy brothers added.

"Shoes." Sonic nodded. After that, the bus stopped in front of the mall and the ukes marched into the mall. It was huge, by the way, with posters and statues of the two Dark Magicians and the Dark Magician Girl.

" Wow... This place is huge!" Canada said what most of the other ukes were thinking. But Poland was looking around, like a wildcat on the hunt, until his green eyes saw what he was looking for. "Like, Oh my God!" He ran over to a store window that was filled with designer shoes. "Shoes."He called out. Then he began, "Let's get some shoes."

" Let's get some shoes!" Deidara cheered.

"Let's get some shoes." Itachi shrugged his shoulders before Naruto added, _  
_

" Let's get some shoes!" Then the hunt— err- the shopping trip began. The semes all sighed.

"So it begins..." Damien groaned.

"With shoes of all things..." Germany sighed.

* * *

You know what the problem with large shopping malls is? The fact that they won't just have one or two stores for certain things. They will have like ten stores for candy, fifteen just for shirts, and 24 just for...

"Shoes." France sighed as he gazed over a rack of the newest shoes.

"Shoes." Itachi gazed at a pair of heels that had caught his attention.

" Shoes." Kabuto and Tracy cheered as they saw a bunch of baby shoes.

"Like, Oh my God, shoes." Poland called out as he saw another store. But what really caught his eye was the 50% off sign in front.

In the stores, the infamous task of trying on the shoes was underway. Some people were actually taking the time to look at and try on shoes. For people who had short attentions spans (ex: America, Naruto, Tobi, Jaden), the process went more like this:

"These shoes rule!" Sonic cheered as he found a pair of blue and red sneakers.

"These shoes suck." Jaden pouted, kicking another pair of shoes into the massive pile he had created. _  
_

"These shoes rule!" Tobi and Naruto cheered, picking up pairs of orange-dress shoes.

"These shoes suck!" America yelled, tossing a pair of shoes back into the air. Unfortunately, Russia was sitting near him so the shoes...

"Ah! My nose!"

* * *

In another store, Lovino was trying to find a decent pair of dress shoes but was getting more and more frustrated. "These shoes suck." He threw another pair of shoes behind him, not even caring when they hit Feliciano in the head. S. Italy picked up a new pair before frowning, "These shoes suck.", and throwing those back, hitting France. Finally, it seemed as if Lovino found a decent pair. Yet, when he looked at the sizes available... "Chigii! These shoes suck!"

* * *

After only an hour, the semes were feeling the fatigue of being dragged to go shopping with their ukes. Mostly because they were in charge of carrying the purchases of the day. As Ben was looking at another rack of shoes in another store, Kevin (already carrying a wardrobe of clothing and shoes) said,

"I think you have too many shoes." Ben smiled back,

"Shut up."

At another store, Kakashi sighed, readjusting the bags in his arms, "I think you have too many shoes." To which Iruka waved a hand back,

"Shut up."

"I think you have too many shoes." Shadow and Sasuke groaned as they carried Sonic and Naruto's bags.

"Shut up." Both the blunette and the blonde replied at the same time.

In the mall's Hot Topic, Hidan was looking over footwear when Kakuzu groaned,"I think you have too many shoes." Which earned him a boot to the head.

"Shut up!"

* * *

It was proving to be a good shopping day for everyone. Even former enemies got together to do some shopping. Well, rather when China was looking around, Korea following him while dragging his bags. His eyes widened when he saw a beautiful midnight-blue cheongsam. "It's beautiful, aru!"

Just as he reached for it, however, a hand decorated with long painted nails grabbed for it as well. Slowly (regrettably) Yao looked over and saw his frenemy, Count D. The Count simply frowned a bit before he pulled the outfit closer to himself.

Yao retorted by pulling the fabric to himself.

Count D gave a pull.

Yao pulled back.

This went on until, with a yell of, "Let go, damn it!" China tackled Count D to the ground for another bout of hair-pulling and Chinese curses. Meanwhile, Leon and Korea were silently recording the scene on their phones.

* * *

"Come on..." Spain groaned as he dragged the bags that S. Italy had left with him. The romantic nation was looking around for something in particular. "These malls always have at least one 'boyfriend' chair in every store- Ah!" Spain's emerald eyes widened as he saw the fabled seat.

He quickly dragged the bags towards the seat but his heart instantly sank when Shadow rushed over and sat right on down. "Oh, come on!" Antonio cried, "Por favor (Please)!" The black and red-haired male pulled out a gun and said,

"Unless you're bringing me a beer, you'd better get to stepping."

* * *

Hidan had dragged Kakuzu to another store, trying to find that certain pair of shoes. And, rushing into the store, he thought he found them. In his favorite color, scarlet, no less. "Hey! Shoe lady!" He yelled out.

"Yes?" The sales associate replied when she walked over. Hidan smiled,

" I want to try these on. These, right here!" The girl picked up the shoe and looked at the size inside. Then she looked at Hidan's feet before she smirked, _  
_  
"Um...this style runs small. I don't think you're gonna fit. I mean, your feet are kinda big." Hidan's eyebrow twitched, while Kakuzu simply shook his head.

" Oh." The albino blinked. "Oh." He looked at the shoes, thinking to himself. But when he looked at the girl holding the shoes, he snapped, "Oh, by the way bitch, Fuck you!"

"Excuse me?" The the girl gasped. But it was short lived when Hidan tackled the girl to the floor and started beating her with the same pair of shoes he wanted to buy. Kakuzu merely sat down and sighed,

" It happens in _every_ store that we go to..."

* * *

In a hair supply store, we could find Kyle Brofloski dropping box after box of perm into a shopping-basket. At the sight of all the hair product, Stan sighed, "Dude, what are you doing?"

"I am sick of seeing carrot-top in the mirror every-time I take off my hat!" The red-head explained, "I have to do something about it!"

"But I like your poofy hair..." Stan murmured but opting to simply watch on as his boyfriend differentiated one perm from another.

"Well I don't, dude! So help me pick out the strongest perms here!"

* * *

"Come on, mon amour~!" France was valiantly trying to get England into a store that he had just found which specialized in the sensuality of the bedroom sort ( * coughs * Sex store * coughs *).

"You have to be insane if you think I'm going in there, Francis!" Arthur replied, firmly planting his feet into the ground. Unfortunately, the grip of his shoes wasn't that great and eventually France got him in anyway.

* * *

"Good kitten... Sweet kitten... Understanding kitten..." Greece was so happy when he was able to sit down with all of the kittens of one of the mall's pet-stores. The balls of fluff were contentedly crawling and mewling around the brunette nation.

"I hope ya aren't considering buying any of these little rodents!" Turkey yelled out, "We already have that swarm of yours to deal with!" Heracles simply frowned before whispering something in Greek to the kittens. The kittens nodded before they all yowled and swarmed Sadiq, hissing and scratching.

* * *

"Ike, what do you think of this one?" Pit called over with a smile on his face while he tried on an adorable nightie. It barely got to his waist and it was a baby blue. Ike blushed,

"It looks great."

"Yay!" Pit cheered as he went into the changing-stall. Then he came back out in a a bunny-outfit. "And what about this one?"

"Great again." Pit giggled and went in before he came out in a school-girl outfit.

"How about this?"

"Wonderful." Ike nearly choked on the oncoming nosebleed.

"Who's doing the shopping here," Marth sweat-dropped, "Ike or Pit?"

* * *

"What wood is this one made of?" Canada asked the sales rep as he was looking at different types of hockey-sticks.

"That one is a pure Canadian Maple, sir." At that, Matthew raised an eyebrow before bringing his own hockey-stick out. Amethyst eyes narrowed as they analyzed both pieces of equipment before he spoke,

"Either you're trying to bull-shit me or one of your employees messed up because your stick isn't anything close to Maple." The sales rep looked at it and chuckled nervously,

"I'm terribly sorry, sir. I'll go get the real Maple one right away."

"Take your time..." Canada sighed. He decided to look around but was disturbed by a loud snoring. "What in..?" He looked at the chair by the window and saw that Prussia had fallen asleep. Matthew groaned before he took the store's hockey-stick and a puck. He aimed carefully before swinging the stick and smacking the puck right into...

"Ack!" Gilbert yelped, clutching his face in pain, "What in the name of Old Fritz?"

* * *

"Do you think Saya will like this?" Gaara asked, holding up a stuffed raccoon dressed in a kimono. Neji and Gaara had been drawn in by a special deal at Build-A-Bear and Gaara had just finished his creation.

"Aw..." Neji cooed, "It's so cute!" The smallest hint of a smile grew on the small red-head's face but it vanished when Neji added, "But not as cute as you are, my little Tanuki-chan- Mrph?" Gaara had taken the liberty of shoving a bunch of stuffing into the Hyuuga's mouth.

* * *

"Like, Oh my God! Link, you, like, totally need a makeover!" Link gulped but when he saw that he was surrounded by the sales-girls from a nearby store, he gulped and screamed,

"Oh goddesses, no! Get away from me!"

_One hour later..._

Link slowly opened his eyes from fainting. "My head..." But when he looked around, he gasped, "Oh my goddesses!" He was now dressed in an all-leather biker's outfit with rhinestone boots. "You made me look gay..." Then, after a moment, he added, "-Er than I already did!" The girls giggled as they walked to ambush their next victim— err- customer. Link was just inwardly venting, hoping that no one saw him like this. But Sheik was quietly laughing at his misery. Link, however, wasn't pleased, "Sheik, how come nothing bad ever happens to you?"

"I don't know..." Sheik hummed, "Maybe you did something to anger the goddesses or something?" Link merely growled back,

"Oh, be quiet, you look like Princess Zelda anyhow."

"Damn it!" Sheik fumed, taking out a blade, "I am _so_ sick of hearing that!" The Sheikaiah was about to start cutting the braid behind him.

"No, wait! I didn't mean it! Don't cut your hair, please!" Link cried out, struggling to get the blade out of his lover's hands.

* * *

"Sasuke..." Naruto called over as he walked out of a dressing-room.

"No, no... Please, for the love of God..." Sasuke whispered before he replied, "Yes?" Naruto had tried on a pair of low-rider jeans but he was still a bit unsure. So, he had to ask,

"Do these pants make me look fat?"

"Agh!" Sasuke growled out before he began to succinctly bang his head into the wall, "Why-" _Bam! "_Do-" _Bam! "_They-" _Bam! "_Ask-" _Bam! "_That-" _Bam! "_Question?"

* * *

"Yes, so I will need thirty-one of these outfits..." Despite his shopping-spree earlier, Itachi was responsible enough to buy the new team uniforms.

"Yes sir and would you like the accessories to go along with those?"

"Hm..." Itachi thought for a moment before he turned and asked, "Kisame what do you thi- Would you get out of that candy store already?"

"Aw..." Kisame groaned but walked out, now carrying a large bag of candy. "I was just getting to the good stuff to. Hey, are those the new uniforms?" Itachi nodded,

"Yeah, and I think they actually look better than the original ones."

"So, now that that's out of the way..." Kisame began, "How about we go for a nice lunch somewhere? I hear that The Cheesecake Factory's a good bet." Itachi raised an eyebrow before he nodded.

* * *

Russia was getting _real_ sick of walking around like this. "Where is my Comrade Kisame?" He looked around for a moment, dropping America's bags. Then he saw the shark and the weasel about to head into a restaurant.

"Ah, Lithuania, perfect timing." Russia smiled as the brunette nation struggled over with Poland's purchases. "Hold these." Ivan chimed as he dropped all of America's purchases onto Toris.

"Wait a minute- AH!" Lithuania yelled but was smothered by bags and shiny packaging anyway.

"Come along, dorogoy." Ivan chimed as he grabbed America's arm.

"Wait a minute, I wasn't done at this store yet!" Russia ignored the blonde, dragging him along until they got to the restaurant.

"Comrade!" Ivan called out. Kisame smiled and replied,

"Ivan! Are you guys here for lunch too?"

"Da!"

"Awesome! We can do a double-date thing!"

"Da!" As the two semes were talking and laughing,

"So much for a _private _lunch date..." Itachi murmured. Alfred had stopped whining and was cheering about where they had ended up,

"Dudes, The Cheesecake Factory? This place is all kinds of awesome!"

* * *

After a great meal **(A/N: I've never been to The Cheesecake Factory, so I don't know what they serve. I know that it's more like a steakhouse and they don't **_**only **_**serve cheesecake, but still.)** Itachi decided that it was time for everyone to head home.

"That was some good cheesecake." Kisame stated as they began to round everyone up.

"I know, right? And you," America gave Kisame a pat on the shoulder, "Are one of the best dinner guests it has ever been my pleasure to meet!"

"Why, thank you!"

"Everyone get back to the buses this moment!" Itachi called out to everyone via complementary megaphone ('Never leave home without a Attention-Grabber brand megaphone), "I want to get home so we can try on these uniforms and I can go to sleep!" When he was done, Itachi muttered, "At least this is one thing that I can thank the sponsors for."

* * *

**A/N: Crap, the chapter was crap, I know. I was just getting sick and tired of Team Uke in pink (Sorry Poland). Also, this is going to be my only update this week seeing as how my switch from WordPad to Open Office has left me trying to find and retype files. **

**...And people wonder why I switched my major from computer science to English, computers can be _so_ frustrating! **

**Please review, I am looking for suggestions again! **

**-Tyranno's girl.**


	54. Let Me Buy You A Drink

"Hey guys!" Dawn picked up a mic called out to the audience. It at the same bar where they had had their stand-up challenge so there were no kids. Thankfully, because that evening's challenge was, again, on the more _adult _side of things. "So tonight we have a three part comedic challenge." When the cheers subsided, the bluenette girl added, "The first two actually form together and go by the name: Pickups and Rejections 101!"

The stage opened up more, showing that, one each side, both teams were sitting in chairs upholstered with the team colors (seeing as how, since they were out on the town, wearing uniforms was out of the question). "First off, the semes will take turns throwing out their best pickup lines to their ukes. Then, when their done, the ukes will try out their best rejection lines. The team that has the most successes wins!" After another cheer, the young coordinator signaled for Itachi to sit in the victim chair. "Alright, Kisame, whenever you're ready you can start." Just before Dawn sat down, the commentator signaled that she forgot something.

"Oh yeah." Dawn sighed, "Tonight's event has been brought to you by 'General Sephiroth's Book of Pick-up Lines'. 'Guaranteed to get you laid... or not.'" Itachi sat down in the specified chair waiting for Kisame to get over here and try his best at wooing him. He wasn't expecting for both Kisame _and_ Russia to walk over and stand on either side of him. Kisame smiled and spoke,

"Hey there."

"Hi." Itachi raised an eyebrow.

"So I'm new to this restuarant but I can already tell that I have a recipe that'll blow all of this food away."

"And what would that be?" Kisame smirked before he sat closer to Itachi and said,

"Have you ever heard of a Japanese-Russian sandwich?"

"No..?" Itachi frowned. Russia sat closer to the brunette before he said,

"Would you like to?" As the audience whooped and called out, it took Itachi a moment before he blushed, held up a sign that said 'pass', and shoved both males away going back to his seat.

**Passes 1.

* * *

**

"Are you a parking-ticket?" Kevin asked Ben with a smirk.

"What?" The brunette raised an eyebrow.

"Because you have 'fine' written _all_ over you!" The audience laughed, especially when Ben held up a 'Fail' sign.

**Passes 1. Fails 1

* * *

**

"You will become one with Mother Russia, da?" Ivan called over to Alfred. America simply continued to drink is drink as he said,

"Not interested." Russia then grabbed the blonde's hand and said,

"I wasn't asking." Alfred gulped, holding up the pass sign so Ivan would let him go.

**Passes 2. Fails 1

* * *

**

Korea walked up to China and sat down besides him before he began. "You know, Koreans are really good at math, da ze." Korea smiled at China, "Do you want to go back to my place and do some math with me?"

"Um..." China was seriously wondering where Yong Soo was going with this but then the younger nation continued,

"We'll take the two of us, add a bed, subtract your clothes, divide your legs..." At that, Yong Soo got real close to the ancient nation before finishing, "And multiply."

"Aiya!" Yao pushed the younger away, yelling, "Who have you been hanging out with, aru?" Yet, he held up a pass sign anyway.

**Passes 3. Fails 1

* * *

**

Ike was walking to the chair where Pit was sitting when he 'noticed' something on the floor. He knelt down and discretely dropped a packet of sugar that said 'Sweet-stuff' before he 'picked' it up. He then walked over to the angel and held the packet out, smiling, "Hey, you dropped your name-tag!" The whole audience laughed. But Pit pouted before he held up the fail sign.

**Passes 3. Fail 2.

* * *

**

When Naruto sat down in the chair, he was already prepared for Sasuke to say something perverted. But even _he was_ surprised when the youngest Uchiha walked over, his cool air about him and flipping a coin up and down in the air. When Sasuke got to Naruto, he looked the blonde over before he smiled, "Hey, if I flip this coin, what are my chances of getting head?"

"You bastard!" Naruto yelled, smacking the pass sign in the other's face.

**Passes 4. Fail 2.

* * *

**

"I have a kitten in my pants." Turkey smirked, leaning towards Greece, "Ya want to pet it?" Greece's eyes widened in horror before he knelt down and grabbed at the masked nation's pants, screaming,

"Sadiq, you bastard! The poor thing's probably going to suffocate!" The brunette was literally trying to rip Sadiq's pants off, to rescue the non-existent kitten. "Don't worry!" He called to Turkey's crotch, "I'm going to save you!"

"My God, ya really _are_ one of Rome's kids, aren't ya?" Turkey was trying his best not to burst into laughter. When everyone else joined in, Heracles frowned before he held up the fail sign. "Oh, come on! That was a great line and you know it!"

**Passes 4. Fails 3.

* * *

**

Kabuto was sitting down, enjoying the 9-1-1 Martini that he had ordered when Orochimaru walked by, seeming to analyze his sleeves. He looked up and said, "Excuse me, could you help me?"

"Of course, what's the problem?" Kabuto replied. Orochimaru handed Kabuto the fabric of one of his sleeves and when Kabuto's face was getting a closer look, he asked,

"Does this smell like chloroform to you?" Kabuto huffed,

"Orochimaru, _please_, fool me once, shame on you, fool me 562 times, shame on me.", he then walked off, flashing the pass sign (albeit a bit hesitantly).

**Passes 5. Fails 3.

* * *

**

Prussia opted for a simple approach. He walked to the chair that Canada was sitting in and grinned before he gesture to himself. "_Come on_!"

"Fail." Matthew sighed, holding up the sign.

**Passes 5. Fails 4

* * *

**

Gaara was looking a bit unapproachable on the center chair. But Neji knew just what to say as he walked over. He got on one knee and looked deep into the sea-foam eyes of his lover before he asked, "Are you an interior decorator?" When Gaara raised an eyebrow, Neji added, "When I saw you the room instantly became beautiful."

Gaara blushed and turned his head away, holding up a pass sign.

**Passes 6. Fails 4.

* * *

**

"This is _so_ stupid..." England sighed as he grabbed a chair and sat it next to where France was sitting. "So, how about you order something, my treat?"

"Such a charmer." Francis smiled. Arthur then spoke,

"So do you want coffee? Tea?" He smirked, "Me?"

"Oui!" France cheered, grabbing England's arm and waving the pass sign.

**Passes 7. Fails 4

* * *

**

"Ah, my adorable Lovino!" Spain began, strumming a guitar ad strolling around S. Italy. "He has to be lost, because Heaven is a _long _way away from here."

"You over-sentimental bastard! Sit down!" Lovino hissed but Antonio went on,

"A song from his lips is an aria from heaven. His hair is like chocolate and he's cute like a tomato~!"

"Stop, stop, stop! You're embarrassing me!" S. Italy yelled, tossing the pass sign away and proceeding to stop the serenade at any means possible. Which meant taking the guitar and smashing it into the ground.

**Passes 8. Fails 3.

* * *

**

Damien walked over to Pip and sighed before he said, "Roses are red, violets are blue, how would you like it if I came home with you?" Pip blushed and giggled a bit but Damien turned to his team and growled, "See? I _told_ you guys that that line was stupid!"

**Passes 9. Fails 3.

* * *

**

"Tobi's bored~!" Tobi whined as he was forced to sit still in the victim chair. At that, Zetsu walked over and said, "You've been a bad boy. **Go to my room.**"

"But Tobi doesn't want to go!" Tobi whined.

**Passes 9. Fails 4.

* * *

**

"You know," Sasori began, flaunting his prince-like charm, "If beauty were time, you'd be an eternity." Deidara wanted to argue that logic, he really did, but he just sighed,

"Who can argue with that logic, un?"

**Passes 10. Fails 4.

* * *

**

It seemed as though Zane was about to be his usual cold, 'I wouldn't even move an inch if this whole building caught on fire right this second'-self. He stood next to Chazz and exhaled a bit before, out of nowhere he screamed, "Giant polar bear!"

"What the hell?" Chazz yelped. But then Zane interrupted,

"Meh, that was just an icebreaker. Hi, my name is..."

**Passes 10. Fails 5.

* * *

**

"I bet you $20 I can get a kiss from you by the end of the night." Kakuzu stated. Hidan smirked,

"Bet's on."

"Look, it's Jashin!" When Hidan turned to look, Kakuzu placed his head right by the albino's. Hidan was about turn around, cursing up a storm. When he turned back, his lips met Kakuzu's cheek. "You lost. Pay up." Hidan smirked,

"You fail. Fuck off."

**Passes 10. Fails 6.

* * *

**

"Um..." Lithuania shyly walked over to Poland before he began, "I know that I don't have a chance and you're way out of my league and you're so pretty that just my being here is dimming your beauty. But I just wanted to hear an angel talk so... Will you go out with me?"

"Aw... Liet..." Feliks gushed, "Like, that's how you asked me out on our first date~!"

**Passes 11. Fails 7.

* * *

**

"Excuse me, mind if I stare at you for a minute?" Kakashi smiled towards Iruka. "I want to remember your face for my dreams."

"Nice Hatake." Iruka rolled his eyes, walking back to his regular seat.

**Passes 12. Fails 7.

* * *

**

During his turn, Leon ran over to Count D and fumed, "Hershey's makes millions of kisses a day...all I'm asking for is one!"

**Passes 13. Fails 7.

* * *

**

"I believe that it was Socrates who opined, 'Know thyself.'" Professor Oak began, reading from a book.

"Why, yes it was." Tracy smiled. Prof. Oak returned the smile and added, tossing the book away,

"Well, I've already spent a lifetime getting to know myself, how about I get to know you?"

**Passes 14. Fails 7.

* * *

**

"Agh!" Aster growled looking up before he looked at Jaden.

"Hey buddy, what's got you all riled up?" The brunette asked. The platinum-haired teen replied, with a tone of frustration,

"If it weren't for that _damned_ sun, you'd be the hottest thing ever created."

**Passes 15. Fails 7.

* * *

**

The next turn found Christophe staring at Gregory, smoking a cigarette and really deep in thought as he looked into Gregory's blue eyes. "Um, what are you thinking?" Christophe took the cancer-stick out of his mouth, tapped a few of the ashes away, before he said,

"I was just wondering that, when I marry you, weel zat faggot God be mad zat I stole one of his angels."

**Passes 16. Fails 7.

* * *

**

"Hm..." Stan hummed to himself as he circled Kyle. He kept this up until the red-head gritted out,

"Dude, what the hell are you looking at?"

"You know," Stan began, "From the looks of it, I'd say you're a 9.9999." He chuckled and leaned in, smirking, "You'd be a perfect 10 if you were with me."

_SMACK!_

"You fail dude." Kyle sighed as he smacked Stan in the face with the fail sign.

**Passes 17. Fails 8.

* * *

**

After ordering a drink, Link sat down next to Sheik and, in his most serious tone, stated, "Hello."

"Hello yourself." The Sheikaiah replied. Link simply grinned, taking a sip of his drink and continued,

"You are a beautiful person, you have probably heard all the great pick up lines, so why don't you just tell me the ones that worked so we can get past all that..?" Sheik blinked a few times before he said,

"You had me at hello."

**Passes 18. Fails 8.

* * *

**

"Excuse me!" Roy called over to Marth as he walked on over. "Hey, so it's a nice night tonight, isn't it?"

"Yes, I suppose" The bluenette prince replied. Roy downed his own drink before he spoke,

"Look, I'll be frank. I'd like to have kids someday, and I wanted to know how your parents created such a beautiful creature." Marth was quiet for a moment. Then his lips slowly twitched into a small smile before he urst into peals of laughter. He was laughing so much that he got out of his chair to get something to drink, to prevent hiccups. Roy frowned before he jumped up, yelling, "Fine! I get it! It's because I'm half-dragon, isn't it?"

**Passes 18. Fails 9.

* * *

**

"Look!" Shadow growled as he spoke to Sonic, "I tried to find the perfect line to make you mine, but after _hours_ of searching, all I could come up with..." The audience cheered as Shadow got to one knee and took Sonic's hand. "Was this look in my eyes and your hand in mine, and the words, will you be mine?" Sonic blushed horribly, not used to Shadow being anything but a cold jerk. At the risk of blurting out something idiotic, he turned and sped out the room.

Shadow smirked, "Okay, mark it."

**Passes 19. Fails 9.

* * *

**

Craig sighed when he was forced to go up. He thought for a moment before he called over, "Hey you! What's your first name?"

"Ack! C-Craig~! You know my name is Tweek!" The spastic blonde twitched and yelled. Craig hummed for a moment before he sighed, "Hmm, that goes kinda well with my last name, I guess."

"Craig, you jerk!" Kyle called out.

"Can't you try showing emotion at least once in your life?" Stan added.

**Passes 19. Fails 10.

* * *

**

"Hey, um..." Zabuza began as he walked over to Haku and Ranmaru, but Raiga interrupted,

"We just wanted to say that us without you two is like a nerd without braces," Zabuza pushed him away, saying,

"A shoe without laces,"

"OraSentenceWithoutSpaces!" Raiga yelled out.

**Passes 19. Fails 11.

* * *

**

Through this whole time of trial and major error, Germany had been reading the pickup-line book. Kisame frowned and yelled, "Come on, Ludwig, you've been reading that book all night!"

"Okay! I've got it!" Germany announced, shutting the book and walking over to his little Italian. He tapped N. Italy on the shoulder and began, "Excuse me."

"Ve?"

"When I saw you from across the room, I passed out cold and hit my head on the floor..." Feliciano yelped,

"Ve? I'm so sorry! Doitsu, I-!"

"So I'm going to need your name and number for insurance reasons." Ludwig concluded. The audience clapped at the execution of the line, but Feliciano tilted his head,

"I don't get it. But... Okay!" He ended with a smile as he waved up the pass sign.

* * *

The final result was **20 passes and 11 fails** for the semes. The event-coordinators looked over the results before they called out, "Can Team Uke get 23 of their teammates for the rejection challenge?"

* * *

**A/N: **

**Christophe's statement refers to his views on God. It was made apparent (from what I've heard, I still haven't watched it) in South Park: Bigger, Longer, Uncut. **

**The challenge isn't over yet. If the ukes can beat the semes' score in the next round, they'll win! Read on, will you. Please? **

**-Tyranno's girl. **


	55. Not A Chance In Hell

"Okay, so for this part of the challenge, the ukes will be showing off some of their best rejection lines." Zoey announced but then she smiled, "But, there's a twist: the ukes will be paired up with a random seme so the lines they say will be even _more_ scathing and traumatizing!"

"Yay?" The semes gulped.

"Let's go!" Zoey laughed out.

Ike leaned into his chair, trying to be cool, "So, can I see you pretty soon?" Immediately, Hidan snapped back,

"Bitch, you don't think I'm pretty now?"

"No, no! I mean-!" The mercenary sputtered before he sighed, "Forget it."

* * *

Kakuzu walked over to Greece and began, "So, I saw you from the other side of the bar and..." The brunette spoke up,

"Sorry, but... my rate is $750 an hour so..."

"I'm gone." Kakuzu threw his hands up and left.

* * *

"Haven't we met before?" Prussia smirked towards Kabuto. The medic-nin nodded with a smile,

"Yes, I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic." A chorus of 'oh's' arose in the area and Gilbert was about to say something but he shook his head and walked off.

* * *

Kyle was about to get another drink when Korea jumped in front of him and said, "I'd really like to get into your pants, da ze."

"No thanks." The redhead responded, "There's already one asshole in there...", before taking his drink back to his seat and leaving the spastic nation in shock.

* * *

Before Damien even walked said a word, Itachi calmly spoke, "Sorry, but I have standards that you will never ever meet." The anti-christ tried to protest,

"Yeah but-"

"_Ever_." Itachi insisted, almost growling but not quite (because, as we all know, Uchihas don not growl or do _anything _humiliating).

* * *

"Oh... Aren't you cute~!" Prof. Oak cooed when he saw Pit. The angel smiled,

"Oh, um... well... you seem nice, but... there's a slight difference in our ages." Then Pit squinted his eyes as he looked at the Professor, before he added, "You are one _jurassic_ geezer."

* * *

"Where have you been all my life?" Orochimaru cooed to Ben. The brunette hero huffed,

"Judging from the looks of it, for the first half I wasn't even thought of yet."

"Oh! Burned!" Naruto called out.

* * *

Aster was unfortunate enough to be Poland's target. The platinum-haired teen slowly walked over to the blonde nation who was talking away on his phone and took a deep breath before he smiled,

"Hey, you're pretty cute-"

"Oh God!" Feliks yelled in horror, "Like, what crawled down your throat and died?"

"Excuse me?" Aster shrank back in shock, actually breathing into his hand and sniffing. Poland dry-heaved for a moment before he asked,

"Like, what's your name anyway?"

"Oh!" Aster beamed, "Aster Pheo-"

"That explains it. I knew you had to be Spanish because your breath is _kicking_!" As the laughs arose amongst the area and Aster fumed and marched over to Lithuania, yelling,

"Your girlfriend's a bitch!"

"He's my boyfriend-"

"Your boyfriend's a bitch!"

* * *

"Hey baby, what's your sign?" Kevin asked.

"Do not enter." S. Italy smirked, sipping his drink.

* * *

"Wait, wait!" Canada held his hands up to Link, "It's not you, its me."

"What?" Link blinked. Matthew sighed,

"You are interested, I am not."

* * *

"Hey, I have the answers to all of your problems." Stan stated to Gaara. Gaara blinked before he said,

"Hm. I already know the answer to my worst problem." Then he got up and walked away.

* * *

"You remind me of a fine wine, mon cher." France sighed as he ordered another drink.

"How so?" Kisame asked, finishing off his own glass.

"From the look of things, you would take _far _too long to mature enough for my tastes." Francis concluded before he walked off.

"Hey!" Kisame yelled, "I will have you know that _I_ am _plenty _mature and- Ooh! A penny!" The bluenette got distracted as he looked at the floor.

* * *

"Excuse me?" Craig tried getting Sheik's attention. "Um... Hello?" The Sheikaiah seemed to be too busy drinking his red potion. "Hey!"

"Oh, I'm sorry, did you say something?" Sheik blinked. "I couldn't notice you over all of your blinding insignificance." Craig frowned but he huffed,

"Well, excuse~ me-" In a flash, Sheik had a blade pressed against the teen's throat.

"So help me goddesses if you say 'princess'!" The Sheikaiah growled, one of his eyes twitching.

* * *

"Hey, I-" England began, just to be interrupted by a,

"No.", from Chazz.

"But I-"

"No."

"Come on, I-"

"No."

"Can't you just-"

"No."

* * *

There were a lot more scathing comments, but to make a long (agonizing) story short, a lot of the semes ended up drowning their losses in alcohol.

"Team Uke wins!" Dawn cheered, making Zoey sigh,

"Damn it. I just lost twenty-bucks..."

* * *

**A/N: **

**Team Seme: 600 **

**Team Uke: 600 **

**Le gasp! The tie, it must be broken! **

**-Tyranno's girl.**


	56. Pump Up the Volume!

"Alright, so the game is at a tie right now! Let's see who will get ahead in our next challenge!" The commentator announced as the event-coordinators set up a turn-table (you know, the things that DJs use). "As you can probably guess, the name of this challenge is 'DJ in the Club'. Basically, the captain of each team will be DJ-ing at the tables and their team-mates have to say fifteen songs that they want to hear. Only... The captains will be wearing sound-proof headphones, so they'll have to act out their choices." Everyone muttered amongst themselves, trying to decide how they were going to do this.

"Since Team Uke won the last challenge, Itachi, get up here!" The commentator called for the brunette. Itachi strolled over to the table and, after putting the head-phones on, he called out,

"Alright, it's DJ Rokubi **( 1 )** mixing it up!" He scratched the records, signaling that they could start. A song list was given to the ukes and they read it over before they pointed to one and shoved Poland over. Itachi only raised an eyebrow but looked on, occasionally turning the records.

"Like, OMG, I have _no_ idea where the hell I am!" Feliks slurred out, drunk on bar drinks. He took another sip of his drink and looked into the audience before seeing someone's top. "Wow... _That' hot_."

"California Gurls- Katy Perry." Itachi stated. Everyone cheered as Dawn held up a 1 on a red piece of paper.

"Huh, wha..?" Poland blinked, "But, like, I haven't even started yet~!"

* * *

"Ve..."

"Hey, let us get a picture!"

The Italy brothers called out before they both took cameras out of nowhere (Hammerspace) and began to repeatedly take pictures of Itachi.

"Ah!" Itachi had to shield his naturally sensitive eyes. He thought for a second before he yelled, "Get out of here, you damn Paparazzi!" There were more cheers, Dawn changing the 1 into a 2.

* * *

America stood in front of Itachi and, after a moment, took one of his guns out from his pocket. Itachi raised an eyebrow. But then Alfred tossed that gun away and took of his jacket. The blonde shook the bomber-jacket and, like a waterfall, a whole weaponry of guns fell out. When the onslaught stopped, Itachi yelled, "America, you have two many guns!" But then he smirked, "21 Guns- Green Day?" Alfred gave Itachi a high-five as Dawn displayed a 3 on the Team Uke sign.

* * *

Itachi simply stood there, confused, as he watched Deidara and Hidan have a fake argument. Anytime that Hidan tired to say something, Deidara would shake his head or cover his ears. After a while of that, Deidara took a napkin and borrowed a pen before he started writing random names down.

Itachi chuckled. "After watching that whole damn video, I never did find out who Alejandro was..."

"Another point!" Dawn cheered.

* * *

Next, Canada silently dragged America in front of the turn-table. "Hey Mattie, why did you bring me up here, anyway?" Matthew sighed before he made sure that he had Itachi's attention. Then he turned his brother around and pointed towards his behind.

"Yeah, it is pretty unbelievable..." Itachi laughed. Then it clicked, "I have never seen an Ass like That." As Dawn tallied the point, Alfred turned and fumed,

"I'll have you know that some people think that my ass is one of my best assets." Then he sighed, "Pun not intended, right guys?"

"Da!" Russia called over, Japan adding,

"It is... quite nice, Alfred-kun..." But no sooner had he said that did he hear the infamous 'kolkolkol's' from the larger nation.

* * *

Lovino stood there, by his brother and Germany, trying to get Itachi to figure what he was trying to say. "Oh, come on!" S. Italy yelled.

"First of all," Itachi sighed, pointing to the head-phones, "I _can't _hear you! Second of all, If you don't make yourself clearer-!"

"How much clearer can I make myself, damn it? Look at my cute brother and look at this potato-headed bastard! They don't go together, it's like a-"

"I can't hear you- You know what, fuck it! I'm skipping it, next song!"

"Chigii~!" Lovino seethed.

* * *

Pit, Haku, and Ranmaru were pointing to America and Itachi was just yelling out random things. "The American National Anthem! Barbie Girl! Surfin' Bird! Triple Baka!" The shota-like trio sighed, seriously wondering if Itachi was going to get this.

"Come on..." Haku sighed, "America..."

"Yes, I see that it's America..." Itachi nodded. Team Uke groaned before Kyle got the idea to take a napkin and a pen and scribble a D on it. He rolled it into a cone and then placed it on Alfred's head. Itachi snickered a bit before he gasped, "Oh... American Idiot!"

* * *

"I know that I could easily regret asking this but..." Itachi droned out as he saw Hidan lead Sonic to the front of the table. After he handed Sonic his scythe, the albino slowly counted down from three. At three, Sonic shrugged his shoulders before swiftly lopping off the Jashinist's head. "Oh God, Zombie! It's Zombie by The Cranberries! Now could you put on your head, please?"

* * *

Itachi was enjoying the martial-arts display that China was putting on. Problem was, Yao had been doing this for a while without Itachi saying anything. Finally, China huffed, "Aiya! Haven't you figured this out yet, aru?"

"Not that I can hear you," Itachi sighed, "But I figured it out a while ago, But I enjoy Karate, both the actual practice and the song, so..."

"Damn you, aru!"

* * *

"Judging from the death-glare that Chazz is giving Team Seme..." Itachi began, watching the young Princeton glare at the other team. "Would the song be... I Wish They'd Just Die?"

"And I mean it, too." Chazz smirked, giving Itachi a high-five.

* * *

"Okay people, still waiting for the song requests to be brought in!" Itachi called out. China walked up again and pulled a Leek out of his sleeve. Then, he started to spin it. "Oh, so you think you can spin a leek, huh? Well, let's just see how well you can make that Leekspin!"

* * *

As he saw Deidara and Marth fighting over a compact mirror, Itachi was so tempted to see how long he could make them keep it up. But when Marth had Deidara pinned to the floor, the blonde crying 'uncle', Itachi sighed, "Honey, This Mirror Isn't Big Enough for the Both of Us... And judging from the looks of it, it was barely enough room for you two."

"It's not my fault that Marth's a diva, un!" At that, Marth pulled one of Deidara's legs back until the blonde was crying.

* * *

"I win this hand!" France cheered. He, Canada, and Sheik were playing a faux game of Poker right in front of Itachi. "Now, Sheik can start stripping for us anytime..."

"Since when were we playing Strip Poker?" Sheik and Canada yelled.

"Wait, we weren't playing Strip Poker?"

"Hey, Poker Face!" Itachi called out, "You guys can sit down now!"

* * *

Next up was Gregory. The blonde mercenary looked at Itachi, just until he got his attention. Then the show began. Gregory got out one of his guns out and, began a very sensual dance with it. He lazily ran it up his sides before he pressed it to his crotch. The slightest whimper was released as the blonde ran the the gun up his abdomen, up his chest, and finally got to his face. He smirked before licking at it and shooting a single shot into the ceiling.

The bar was silent, mostly because everyone was either shocked or really enjoying Gregory's little gun show. Itachi simply shook his head, "Happiness is a warm gun, isn't it Gregory?"

"But of course!" Gregory replied, going to help his lover with the problem he was surely sporting.

* * *

"Fratello, fratello stop!" N. Italy yelled as Lovino continued to try and beat up Germany.

"I'll teach you to corrupt my brother with your stupid macho-ness, you stupid potato!" Itachi watched on as S. Italy kicked and pushed at Germany.

"Hey, wait a minute." Kick, push, kick, push... "I haven't heard that song in ages, Kick, Push..."

* * *

"Now it's time for Team Seme's turn, so if Kisame could get up here..." Kisame walked up to the table and put the head-phones on with a,

"Wow, these work great! Hey, can I get a pair of these, I could really use them when I need to tune Kakuzu out!" Before said brunette could say anything, Team Seme got their list of songs and, immediately, Prussia jumped in front of the table and pointed to himself with a,

"Come on!" Kisame chuckled and asked,

"Do I have to say the whole title of the song?" When the judges nodded he sighed, "Song of the Amazing Me For Me According To Me?"

"Damn straight, kesesese..." Gilbert laughed, high-fiving the team-captain.

* * *

England walked in front of the table and was swinging a golden pocket-watch in front of the sharks face.

_Five minutes later..._

"Oh, come on!" Arthur groaned, "_Alfred _would have figured this out by now! Kisame!" Kisame drowsily replied,

"I am under your command..." One of England's furry eyebrows twitched before he grabbed Kisame's head and repetitively banged it against the table, scratching the records every time he made impact,

"You!" Record-scratch. "Idiot!" Record-scratch. "Snap!" Record-scratch. "Out!" Record-scratch. "Of!" Record-scratch. "It!" After the assault, Kisame dizzily replied,

"_Tik Tok, _

_On the clock~!"

* * *

_

Spain used a simple approach. He stood in front of the turn-table and held up a sign that read "It's Spanish for 'Long Live Life'."

"Oh, Viva La Vida!" Kisame laughed.

* * *

Aster walked up on the stage and proceeded o toss a bunch of dollar bills on the ground. After every made a rush for the money, Kisame called out, "Spoiled rich kid? Rich jerk? Privileged little bastard? Kid that me and Kakuzu are going to mug later on tonight?" Aster frowned before he took out a bill-fold and started fanning himself with it. "Oh! Rich Girl!"

"No!" Aster groaned. He jerked a thumb to the side, mouthing the words, "Older... Think older!"

"Um..." Kisame hummed, the it clicked, "If I Were a Rich Man?"

"Yes!" Aster yelled, falling to the ground, "Thank you God that he's not a complete idiot!"

* * *

Kisame was laughing out loud (along with everyone else) as Damien, Kevin, and Stan did the dance from Sgt. Frog. From the swinging of their arms, to the less-than-happy looks on their faces, it was just a funny sight. "The song is Kurutto, Mawatte, Ikkaiten, but can you guys keep dancing? This is hilarious!"

"Hell to the no!" Damien growled, walking back to his seat.

* * *

Korea hummed at the song on the paper before he thought of something. He quickly sat Tobi, Naruto, and America together and pointed to them. Kisame blinked, "Um... The Three Stooges?" Yong Soo shook his head. "Three morons?" Yong Soo shook his head again. "A.D.H.D.?"

"No!"

"Um..." Kisame frowned. "Let's see... Three... Tres... Third..." Kisame thought for a minute more before he clapped his hands together, "Triple Baka!"

"Yes! Korea cheered but Naruto yelled,

"I am not a baka!"

* * *

Neji walked up onstage and didn't do anything before he bowed, like an actor just finished with a piece. "Okay kid, go on and Take a Bow." Kisame shook his head.

* * *

For the next song, Kisame had to narrow his eyes to look into the audience. He saw Russia pouring some kind of chemical into Japan's glass. "Ivan, what are you doing there?"

"Just taking care of something."

"What are you pouring in there?"

"It is the same thing that they use to make moth balls, da?"

"Moth balls..." Kisame whispered. But then he groaned, "God, that name is so freaking long! Para... Para-dichl... Paradichloro... Paradichlorobenzene!" Ivan nodded and handed the glass back to Japan. Kiku merely gulped before he poured the drink out onto the floor, a hole melting through.

* * *

"So here I am..." Kakashi began, talking into a cell-phone, "Talking in a..."

"Cell-phone?" Kisame asked. Kakashi shook his head.

"Talking in a..."

"Annoying voice that just makes me want to punch your lights out?" Kisame offered. Kakashi dead-panned,

"No... And how can you even hear me?" The copy-nin shook his head and pretended to talk into the cell-phone when Kisame sighed,

"This is making just as much sense as Lady GaGa's Telephone video..." When Kakashi pointed to him, he added, "Was that what it was, Telephone? Geez, Kakashi, why didn't you just say that in the first place? Whoa!" The Mizukage had to quickly duck before a kunai met his head.

* * *

"Hey, give that back!" Pit cried out, flying after Turkey who had taken the angels head-wreath. Every once in a while, he would wave it in the air, trying to get Kisame's attention. After a moment, Kisame sighed,

"You know, Sadiq, I think you should give Pit back his _Halo_ before Ike gets mad and-"

"GREAT... AETHER!" After a blast that cleared away a third of the bar, Kisame sighed,

"Too late."

* * *

"You're... dancing!" Kisame called out, seeing Shadow dancing while swinging a sword. "You really shouldn't be dancing while swinging that though, you could poke an eye out." Shadow groaned as he swung the sword down and began dancing again. "Dancing... Hero? Dancing... swordsman?"

"This is ridiculous..." Shadow huffed, taking a break to get a drink of sake.

"Oh!" Kisame cheered, "Dancing Samurai, I love that song!"

* * *

"Oh boy, here comes England again..." Kisame rolled his eyes, "What do you have for me to play this time?" Arthur shook his head before he slowly took off his shirt.

"Whoo! Take it off mon amour!" France called out. Kisame raised an eyebrow,

"I'm too sexy for my shirt?" England shook his head before sitting down and taking off one of his shoes. "Uh... Whiny British boy taking off his clothes? Whiny British boy who _really _needs to get more sun?" England buried his face in his hand, shaking his head. "Whiny British boy..." Kisame began before he asked, "Is this that one song by James Blunt? You're Beautiful?"

"Took you long enough, you bloody wanker!" Arthur growled, picking up his clothes and going to get changed.

* * *

Just Germany walked on stage, Kisame called out, "Hold on a minute! I don't want Germany to yell at me, so I'm just going to take a quick guess. Is the song I Am German-Made?"

"How did you know? I didn't even do anything!" Ludwig sputtered, going to sit back down.

* * *

Link walked up and made sure that he got Kisame's attention before he got out his bow and shot an arrow towards Ganondorf, who had just been in the audience (having a drink, trying to get some). "What the hell?" The villain growled. Link simply brought out a bomb and tossed it towards Ganondorf, watching it explode on contact. "Would you stop it?"

"Yeah, Link, it's clear that you wanted me to play Ganon Slayer..." Kisame laughed.

* * *

For the final song, Zane walked up and just before he was about to start acting out his song, he blinked and said, "Hold that thought." The older teen then walked back to where his team was sitting and grabbed Sasuke.

"Hey, easy on the leather!" Sasuke growled as his jacket was grabbed. When both males were in front of the table, Zane took a deep breath. "Why am I here ag—Mph!" Out of nowhere, Zane had locked lips with the youngest Uchiha. Everyone had to cover their ears when the fangirls' screams rose up, but when they calmed down, Kisame laughed,

"_I kissed a boy_

_And he liked it~!"_ Sasuke all but punched Zane away but before he stomped off, he wiped his mouth and said,

"Not bad."

* * *

"The winners, by a narrow margin..." Zoey began (holding her sign that read 15), just to have Dawn (holding a sign that said 14) huff,

"Narrow is right."

"Quiet you!" Zoey chuckled before she announced, "Team Seme!" Team Seme cheered before Kisame brought out a record and called out,

"Yeah, let's party!", placing the record on the table an d scratching it.

* * *

**A/N: **

**Team Seme: 650 **

**Team Uke: 600 **

**( 1 ) This is a little joke, those who are reading LOH: Metronome of Time will get it.**

**And Just in case anyone was playing along, her are the songs that were used. **

**Team Uke: **

**California Gurls- Katy Perry**

**Paparazzi-Lady Gaga **

**21 Guns- Green Day **

**Alejandro- Lady Gaga **

**Bad Romance- Lady Gaga **

**Ass Like That- Eminem**

**Honey, This Mirror Isn't Big Enough For the Both of Us- My Chemical Romance**

**Zombie- The Cranberries **

**Kick, Push- Lupe Fiasco **

**I Wish They'd Just Die- Kaito Shione**

**Karate- Jack Black **

**Happiness is A Warm Gun- U2 **

**Leekspin- Miku Hatsune **

**Poker Face- Lady GaGa **

**American Idiot- Green Day **

**Team Seme**

**Song of the Amazing Me For Me According to Me **

**Telephone- Lady Gaga **

**Tik Tok- Ke$ha **

**Paradichlorobenzene- Len Kagamine **

**I Am German-Made **

**Triple Baka- Miku Hatsune, Akita Neru, Teto Kasane **

**Kurutto, Mawatte, Ikkaiten- Kigurumi **

**Take A Bow- Rihanna **

**You're Beautiful- James Blunt **

**Ganon Slayer- Mad Hatter **

**Dancing Samurai- Gakupo Kamui**

**Viva La Vida- Coldplay **

**Rich Man- Fiddler on the Roof **

**Halo- Beyonce **

**I Kissed A Boy- Cobra Starship**

**I personally didn't think this chapter was that good but, hey, tell me what you guys think. Please review! **

**-Tyranno's girl. **


	57. I Keep On Falling

The wind blew in sharp, frigid gales down a menacing mountain, covered in white. It was so quiet that you would think such a mountain would be untraversable. Yet, slowly, a delicate hand grasped onto a ledge. With a soft groan, it turned out to be Itachi Uchiha trying his best to climb and stay on the mountain.

"Come on Itachi!" Kisame called from twenty feet up. "You're getting left behind!" The brunette growled,

"Who the hell builds a mountain out of Styrofoam anyway?"

Back at the judges table, the commentator was talking away to the audience, "Yes, that's right! Today's challenge is Mastering the Summit! Our teams have to climb up this Styrofoam behemoth known as Mount Really-High-And-Pointy! The person who reaches the top first wins it for their team!" After the audience cheered, the commentator began again, "And let's give a round of applause for the wonderful architects who built this marvel: Phineas and Ferb!"

The two teens walked up to the judges table and waved to the audience before sitting down. "So, how did you guys feel about this endeavor?" Ferb, as usual, was silent as Phineas took the mic,

"Well of course, when we got the message, I was like, 'Hey Ferb, I know what we're going to do today!' And it didn't help that this was an awesome event to help out with."

"Will you guys be helping us out with other events? We would love to have you!" The commentator beamed. Phineas thought for a second but then smiled,

"Sure, it'll be fun!" After another round of cheers, Ferb tapped his brother on the shoulder and asked,

"You _did _remember to call Isabella and tell her that you wouldn't be able to make it for that date, right?" The red-head blinked,

"Uh-oh."

Back at the mountain, the competitors were trying their hardest to scale up the mountain. "Faster Liet! Come on, come on, come on!" Poland called out, cracking a whip towards the brunette nation... who was actually tied to the blonde.

"Feliks, I'm pretty sure that this isn't how the challenge is supposed to work..." Ike slowly, strategically, made his way up the fragile but hazardous walls. He was doing pretty good until he dug one of his hands in a little too forcefully.

_CRUNCH._

The blue-haired mercenary blinked as his hand was stuck in the white material. "Um..." Ike tried pulling his hand put but quickly found out, "Um... Guys? I think I'm stuck." Yet no one stayed long enough to help, "Seriously? No way! Someone better come to get me out of this damn mountain, right now! I swear to the goddess, if I don't get out of here!"

However, karma seems to want to be invited to _every_ party because it seemed, what with semes being usually heavier (due to muscle) than their uke counterparts.

_CRUNCH._

"Gott en Himmel?" Germany exclaimed when his foot sank into the Styrofoam.

_CRUNCH._

"Dude!" Stan cried out as both his and Damien's ankles sank into the area of the mountain they were on.

"Are you fucking serious?" The son of Satan asked in disbelief.

_CRUNCH._

"Hm..." Kakashi hummed as one of his hands was stuck in the Styrofoam, "This could prove troublesome. I mean, I have one hand available, but which one would I use it for: holding the book or..."

"Kakashi, can't you be less perverted even now?" Iruka chided from another area of the mountain.

Russia had made it to a ledge, just a few feet from where Kisame was climbing, and was trying to walk to the next climbing area until...

_CRUNCH._

...His foot sank into the ground. "Oh great." Ivan huffed. America had just made it to the same ledge and, upon seeing the larger nation, burst out into laughter as he ran past his husband, "Ha ha ha!"

_CRUNCH._

But even he sank into the Styrofoam floor up to his waist. "Oh, come on!"

Sasuke was making his own way up the mountain at a good speed. He was even up higher than Kisame and the flag of victory was in his sight. "I'm going to win this... Then I'm going to get laid..." He hummed to himself, thinking of all the wonderful things he would do with his beautiful fox. He was still in his pervy dreamland when he reached up and grabbed a ledge.

_CRUNCH._

"Huh?" His eyes widened just to see the Styrofoam that he had been grabbing crumble beneath his grasp. "Wait, no!" He yelped before he began falling... "AAAHHH-"

And hitting the mountain at random intervals. "OOMPH!"

"AAAHHH - "

"OOMPH!"

"AAAHHH - "

"OOMPH!"

"AAAHHH - "

"OOMPH!"

After about fifteen times, Sasuke noticed, "Huh. You know, for a mountain made of Styrofoam, this isn't as rough as I thought it would be."

"AAAHHH - "

"OOMPH!" After that, he decided, "It still hurts like a bitch though."

"AAAHHH - "

"OOMPH!" Sasuke was sure that he would keep falling until he met his demise on the ground below. But, alas, what was this? A hand grabbed his own just in time. "Huh? Wha?" The navy-bluenette looked up and saw Kisame holding onto him. "Oh, thank you merciful God!"

"Don't worry Sasuke! I've got you!" Kisame smiled as he tried to pull Sasuke up. The problem with this warming scene was that Kisame's hands were slippery from what seemed like the remains of a meal. Sasuke slipped once, twice and then he started falling again.

"AAAHHH - "

"OOMPH!"

"AAAHHH - "

"OOMPH!"

"AAAHHH - "

"OOMPH!" Kisame blinked and licked at one of his fingers before smacking himself in the forehead,

"Idiot! Sorry Sasuke, I thought I washed my hands after eating all that pirohzki!"

"Ah, so you liked them?" Russia called over.

"Ivan, they were awesome!" Kisame replied, giving a thumbs up.

"AAAHHH - You guys -"

"OOMPH - Suck!" As if completely ignoring the young Uchiha, Kisame asked,

"So, can I get the recipe for that or..."

"Of course," Russia began, "I will teach you when we get back to the estate, da?"

"AAAHHH - I'm -"

"OOMPH - Still!"

"AAAHHH - Falling -"

"OOMPH - To my!"

"AAAHHH - Death -"

"OOMPH - Here!" But Sasuke kept on falling. On and on until he was plummeting towards where Sasori was trying to climb up. The redhead looked up and his eyes widened as he yelled,

"No. No. No! No! NO!" **( 1 )** But Sasuke crashed into Sasori and they both went falling down the mountain of Styrofoam.

"AAAHHH-"

"OOMPH!"

"AAAHHH-"

"OOMPH!"

"AAAHHH-"

"OOMPH!" They fell on until they were almost near Shadow. The red and black-haired male looked up and sighed,

"I _knew_ that I should have paid more attention to my horoscope today." He held out the paper that read

'You will sustain painful injuries by the hands of your own teammates'. Just then, Sasuke and Sasori crashed into him, sending all three males to the floor.

"AAAHHH-"

"OOMPH!"

"AAAHHH-"

"OOMPH!"

"AAAHHH-"

"OOMPH!"

"AAAHHH-"

"OOMPH!" Everyone on the mountain stopped their actions, just to watch the three fall to their doom. However, finally, after ages of falling and screaming, the three made it to the floor.

"AAAHHH-"

"OOMPH!" Then the groans came,

"Ow..." Shadow groaned. Sasori added,

"My fucking legs!"

"You know..." Sasuke mused as he sat up. "I think that I might actually be oka- OH MY GOD!" He screamed as he saw his foot, twisted at an agonizingly bad angle.

Needless to say, the semes didn't win this challenge. Thanks to Pit taking advantage of the fact that everyone was looking at the ill-fated trio.

**Team Seme: 650 **

**Team Uke: 650

* * *

**

"Let's see..." China's most educated son, Thailand, was looking at the males' wounds. He and Dr. Mario had been requested to take care of the injuries. "We have a thrown-out back..." Kiet pointed to Shadow.

"And-a twisted ankle. Quite-a the problem." Dr. Mario added, wrapping Sasuke's ankle in bandages. Thailand finished,

"And two broken legs.", adjusting the casts around Sasori's legs. "Wow, you guys got seriously fucked up, huh?"

"Screw you Thai boy." Sasuke growled out, really pissed off at his lack of movement. Kisame, Russia, and Kakuzu walked into the hospital-station and Russia whistled,

"Wow, that must really hurt a lot, da?" Kisame shook his head,

"Sorry Sasuke, are you okay?" Sasuke flinched,

"Do I _look_ okay, pirohzki boy?" Kisame shrugged before he stated,

"So, since you guys are going to be out of commission for a few days, we have already found replacements for you!"

"Wow, Kisame, you sure know how to cheer people up..." Shadow rolled his red eyes at the shark.

"Now, now..." Kisame began again, "It'll be fine, you'll love them! You guys have even met them before."

Sasuke, Sasori, and Shadow flinched.

"Kisame... Who did you call?" Sasuke raised an eyebrow. Kakuzu called into the hallway,

"You guys can come in now." The first person to come in made Sasuke narrow his eyes. With his impossibly pale skin and never-wavering smile the male chuckled,

"Hello Sasuke."

"Sai? Are you kidding me, Kisame? You're replacing me with him?" The next person made Sasori's face go red in fury. The blue hair and green eyes that he had hoped to never see again were looking straight at him.

"Oh Sasori, what recklessness have you gotten yourself into now?" James sighed, but smirked all the while at the incapacitated red-head.

"I'LL KILL YOU! I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU WHEN I GET OUT OF THIS BED!" Sasori yelled, trying futily to find a way to hurt the bluenette.

"Come on!" James was taunting him, stepping close to the bed and walking away when Sasori tried attacking him, "You can do it. Reach for it." Shadow looked at the first two and frowned,

"Let me guess, my replacement is..."

"Shadow!" Another male rushed into the room. Rather, he levitated in the air. He had long silver hair, matching animal ears and yellow eyes.

"Silver..." Shadow growled.

"This is so fucked!" Sasuke yelled, "It's bad enough that you replace us-"

"But with these jerks?" Sasori groaned. Kakuzu huffed,

"Don't feel bad, we have replacement numbers for everyone if anything happens. It's called 'being prepared'."

"Bullshit!" Sasuke barked out, "If that's true, then who would you have replaced – let's see – Prussia with?"

"Cuba!" Russia chimed.

"As easy as that?" Sasori whined. There were more complaints until Shadow hummed,

"Actually, I'm fine with the temporary replacement."

"What?" Sasori hissed.

"Have you no shame?" Sasuke added. But Shadow shook his head and continued,

"I'm serious, I even have a helpful diagram for Silver to follow." With that, Shadow reached into his pocket and pulled out a scroll of paper which was actually a drawing of Sonic. "The silver colors show the places that you are allowed to touch Sonic, the red shows the places that only _I'm_ allowed to touch." Silver cheered and ran over to get the picture when he noticed something.

"Um, Shadow? There is no silver on here, everything is in red."

"And your point is?"

* * *

"Don't worry guys!" Kisame called out as the able-bodied males left the room, "We'll make sure that you can still watch the games! See you!" When they were gone, Sasuke growled, Shadow reached for one of his guns and began loading it, and Sasori started crying.

* * *

**A/N: **

**( 1 ) I think this is more funny if you read it like how Cleveland from Family Guy yells whenever Peter destroyed his house and caused his bathtub to fall and shatter to the ground. **

**Oh no! Sai, Silver, and James? Oh my! And another tie? Eep! Please review! **

**-Tyranno's girl. **


	58. Everything's Better With Chocolate

"Attention loyal viewers!" The commentator called to the audience, "As you may have heard, due to certain incidents in our last challenge, we have had to replace three of the members of Team Seme. But the changes are so minimal, you'll hardly know the difference." At that moment, Sasuke (who, along with Shadow and Sasori, were forced to sit in the stands while their wounds healed) growled,

"Have I mentioned that I hate her?"

_Meanwhile on the field..._

"Deidara!" James called as he walked over to the explosive artist.

"Oh my gosh, James? Ha ha, I haven't seen you ages, un!" Deidara laughed as he hugged the bluenette. After a round of 'how are you's, James stated,

"We should go out for a nice family dinner to get caught up. You know: Me, you, Saso. Just like the old days!"

"You're kind of putting me in an awkward situation, un." Deidara whined, "I mean, I'm already in a meaningful relationship with my Danna..." However, he hummed in thought for a second, "But you _are_ the father of my child..."

"NO! Deidara, that doesn't mean anything!" Sasori's voice yelled out from the stadium-seating. "Damn it to hell! James, get the hell away from my uke! Now! I mean it~!" Deidara merely blinked before he asked, looking around,

"Did someone just say something, un?"

"Probably just the wind." James smiled, wrapping a reassuring arm around the blonde's shoulder, smirking a bit when Sasori screamed again.

* * *

"Sonikku-chan **( 1 )**!" Silver beamed as he floated over to where Sonic was standing. Yet the bluenette pointed an accusing finger towards the silverette and yelled,

"You get away from me, fluffy!"

"But Sonikku-chan! Now that Shadow is finally out of the way, we can get to know each other better!"

"Yeah right! The last time I was alone with you, you tried to get me drunk and rape me!"

"Sonikku-chan... 'Rape' is such a strong word." Silver slowly tried to get a grip on the panicking male, "I prefer 'night of passionate, impromptu love-making'..." But just as he was about to land his hand, Sonic sped away. "Damn it..."

* * *

"Hi Naruto..." Sai chuckled as he stood next to the blonde Hokage.

"Oh great, it's you." Naruto frowned, "Come to call me dickless and smile that creepy smile again? Honestly, I think you even have Russia beat in that category." Sai chuckled again before he brought out a scroll and painted something on it. "What are you doing, you wannabe Amaterasu **( 2 )**..." Sai silently turned the scroll so that Naruto could see.

It was a rose. And when Sai pulled it out, he gave the fresh flower to the blonde. "Um..." Naruto blushed a bit as he held the flower in his hands. "Thanks."

Abruptly, three shots rang out through the air. James barely dodged one, another knicked Silver in the shoulder, and the last zoomed by Sai's ear. They all looked up and saw Shadow carefully aiming towards them, just daring them to try anything else.

"Our event du jour is something that schools and other organizations have been forcing innocent kids to do for generations upon generations! It is..." The commentator started before she dug into her pocket and pulled out a candy bar, "Selling chocolate!" At that announcement, Itachi frowned,

"Why do I have the feeling that the creator of these games is just making up random things in a last-ditch effort for time?"

**TG- What? Why I never! Between the celebration fic and preparing for the very hot, smexy, hilarious night-club chapter I have coming up, I- You know what? I shouldn't even have to answer you, weasel-boy! **

**In fact, with the power vested in me, I can make your experience even funnier for the reader!**

"And just what do you mean by- HOLY MOTHER OF KYUUBI NO KITSUNE!" Itachi cried out, seeing what he was wearing. It was a red and white school-girl uniform. As the brunette looked around, he saw that all the members of Team Uke had been dressed up like this. Poland looked at his waist and cheered, spinning once,

"Oh wow, I'm in heaven! Like, whee!"

Itachi only sighed, trying to get used to the outfit which wasn't that bad, he just didn't wear things like this outside the bedroom- "Oh God! France!" He gagged out, "Can't you at least _try_ shaving your legs once in a while?"

"Zut alors, you act like you have never seen body hair before!" Francis huffed. He smirked when he was about to try and show off his legs one more time, but Itachi hissed,

"Try it. I dare you, I actually still have to pay you back for losing that drinking challenge." Both of them stared each other down for a few seconds. But, of course Itachi smirked before saying, "Oh look, England is drunk again."

"Where?" Francis turned, allowing Itachi to drop-kick him and easily drag him towards the closest bathroom. "Non! Someone help! He is going to kill me!"

"Oh no," Itachi smiled, "What _I'm_ going to do is _much_ worse." France smiled then too as he guessed,

"Are you going to rape me?"

"Ugh... You wish." Itachi huffed as he finally got to the bathroom. It took a few seconds before everyone (even the semes who were currently dressed in dark blue versions of the Ouran School Host Club uniforms) could hear France screaming,

"AAAHHH! What kind of person are you? Do you actually carry that stuff around waiting to torture people? OOWWW!" Itachi then walked out throwing away an empty container of hair wax and waxing strips.

"Now that _that_ is out of the way," The commentator began, "We will drop both of our teams on opposite sides of one of the streets in the city. They can spread out from there, but that's where they must start. Are we ready? And..."

"Bloody hell!" England yelled out, causing everyone to look as he rushed over to France.

"What is it? Is someone dying?" The commentator asked in a panic. But Arthur silently crouched besides Frances legs and ran a hand over the surface, completely in awe,

"They're so smooth..." Just as green eyes looked up, gleaming with promises of _all_ the things that he could do with those legs when he was dragged away. "No~! I actually want to screw France's brains out this time! Let me go!"

* * *

After a drive into the city, and the set-up of the booths, the game was on. It wasn't long before Team Uke got their first, and VIP, customer.

"Oh my... God..." Itachi gasped as he saw who was walking down the street towards them. With that gorgeous, long silver hair, those green cat-like eyes and that graceful step, no wonder Sephiroth **( 3 )** was the one man that most of the ukes would (sadly) have no problem cheating on their semes with. Sephiroth walked to the uke chocolate stand (wearing a blue shirt that said 'It's lonely at the top' on the front and 'Team Seme' on the back) and spoke, in that deep voice that could make two-thirds of the anime fangirl population pass out in joy,

"Hm.. So I see that you guys are selling chocolates?" Instead of responding, most of the ukes passed out from that sentence alone.

"...Yes." Itachi managed to get out, failing to hide a blush. "Would you... like to purchase one? Sir?"

"Hm..." Sephiroth hummed, "I'm not really that into chocolate... Perhaps if you all gave me a bit more... initiative?"

"Well," Hidan began, "If it's for the good of the team, I'll give Man-steak- I mean- Sephiroth a blowjob or something-!" He was cut off when a bunch of the other ukes tackled him down for the same opportunity.

"That won't be necessary, as flattering as it is. I have an idea." He scanned over the team and found what he was looking for, "If those two kiss, I'll buy." And he then pointed to, the two people who you could hardly expect to do such a thing, Sheik and Canada.

"Maple?" Canada yelped, Sheik asking,

"Surely, you can not be serious?" Sephiroth smirked,

"Of course I am. And don't call me 'Shirley'. **( 4 )**" Matthew and Sheik whined as they looked at each other. Sure, they had become good friends over the course of the games. But _that _was a bit far. Yet, there was a small voice saying 'Do it for the team... Do it for the team...'

"Do it for the team... Do it for the team..." Itachi was whispering, somehow standing right between the two blondes.

"Alright Itachi!" Canada huffed, shoving the brunette away. "I guess we have no choice." Sheik sighed,

"But we can make it easier and call it another drug-induced mishap."

"Continue." Matthew raised an eyebrow. Sheik discretely brought out a bottle of blue liquid and explained,

"Blue Potion. Just as effective as Red Potion, but the effects only last three minutes."

"Give me that!" Canada huffed, taking the bottle and downing half of the contents. Sheik swallowed the rest and stated,

"It should start working just about..." In an instant, Sheik felt pleasantly warm and dizzy as he looked at Matthew. "Your hair is so... soft and wavy... And blonde."

"Your eyes are so... shiny~! I love them, eh!" Sheik chuckled, in a bit of a daze, before he unwrapped the scarf around his face (only to the point that his mouth was accesible) and, immediately, lowered his lips to the meek nation's. The way that Canada responded was probably what caused the turnout that Team Uke had.

A throaty moan grew from Canada before he wrapped one of his arms around Sheik's shoulders and the other held him close, so that they could keep this up as long as possible.

Soon, the act was attracting a lot of attention. Including some from the other team. Instead of being all 'wtf', Prussia brought out his phone and began snapping pictures while Link was using a Pictobox. But we all know the limits of Hylian technology.

"Damn Pictoboxes, only letting me take three pictures!", the blonde yelled when the box was filled. Sheik slowly pulled away from Matthew, not without turning his head and lapping a delicate line up his cheek, making Matthew gasp, a shudder trembling through his frame.

As the scene went on, Sephiroth kept placing money on the booth while Itachi piled up the boxes of chocolate.

* * *

"Okay, we're a bit behind right now, but we can catch up!" Kisame offered, in order to encourage the team. "Let's just be kind and persistent!" The shark offered before walking up to a random woman. "Excuse Miss, I-"

"AAGGHH!" She screamed, running away.

"Oh... That happens _here_ too?" Kisame sighed. But it also happened to half the team before a certain miser had had enough.

"You guys are scaring off all of our customers!" Kakuzu yelled out to the semes. "Here. Let an expert salesman show you all how to work a potential client." Kakuzu looked around and rushed over to an average guy and began, "Excuse me sir, Could we interest you in some chocolate?" The man turned and said, almost in disbelief,

"Chocolate? Did you say _chocolate_?"

"Yes sir-" Kakuzu began but Prussia interrupted with a,

"With or without nuts!"

"Would you shut up?" The brunette roared. But the average guy said,

"Chocolate? Chocolate?" Then things got weird when he began screaming, "CHOCOLATE? CHOCOLATE! CHOCOLATE!" **( 5 )**

"Mizukage-sama, I'm thinking we should run now?" Kakuzu gulped. Kisame nodded,

"I approve this measure.", before they ran off screaming, the 'chocolate guy' rushing after them.

* * *

"Excuse me!" A sweet voice called out to a young woman who had been walking down the sidewalk. When she looked over, she instantly blushed at the adorable sight of Pit, Ranmaru, and Haku in their school-girl uniforms.

"Would you like to buy some chocolate?" Ranmaru asked, holding up a box. With a smile, Haku added,

"It's for a good cause!"

"So... Cute..." She whimpered, bringing out some money and buying five bars. When she was gone, Pit cheered,

"Another victory for..." The three of them posed before they all stated, "The Shota-Shota Trio!" Yes, the ukes (and the Team Uke fanbase) had taken to calling these three by that name. Why? If you have to ask, where have you been?

* * *

"Ooh!" Marik Ishtar (For those of us who even glimpsed at Yu-Gi-Oh!, that cute Egyptian guy who seriously looked hot on a motorcycle) cooed when he saw the Seme booth. Immediately, Marik, who was also holding a red plushie of Sasha the Siberian Husky (Team Uke's mascot), rushed over dragging a reluctant Yami Bakura as he spoke, "Look, they're selling chocolate!"

"And?" The white-haired teen asked. Marik sighed,

"Well, what are you waiting for? Buy me a chocolate bar Fluffy!" Yami Bakura huffed,

"How many times do I have to tell you, quit calling me that!" But it was kind of late, seeing how the semes were stifling their laughter.

"Go on, _Fluffy_, **( 6 )**" Kevin snickered, "Buy the chocolate already." Yami Bakura growled but bought one of the candies anyway.

* * *

"Okay guys," Dawn stated as she pushed Sasuke's wheelchair towards the benches near where the event was taking place, along with Sasori and Shadow, "You can watch the games from here and-"

"What the hell does that idiot think he's doing?" Shadow growled as he looked over at the Uke booth.

Sonic was working hard, flagging people's attention down so they would come over.

"Ji **( 7 )**..."

He was fully determined.

"Ji..."

Nothing would stop this speed demon from accomplishing his team goals.

"Ji..."

"Would you cut that out?" Sonic yelled to Silver, the telekinetic male floating behind him, staring all the while.

"Ne... But Sonikku-chan! Shadow told me not to touch you, so I have to settle for stripping you with my eyes!" Sonic blushed and yelled, taking out a cell-phone,

"I _will_ call Blaze! And I know how much you would _love_ to see her right now!" Silver gulped before he retreated back to the Seme booth.

* * *

"Hear ye, hear ye!" England called out to the general public, ringing a town-crier bell, "A new British survey has revealed that 9 out of 10 people like Chocolate. And the tenth person is lying, so buy some damn chocolate already!" When they were still more or less ignored for the Uke booth, he yelled, "You bloody wankers! Get over here or I'll curse you to an early, embarrassing grave!" They were still ignored. "Grr..." Arthur seethed before he yelled out, "Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries **( 8 )**!" Yet, they were still ignored.

"England, give it up, da?" Russia sighed, shaking his head.

* * *

Domino City really was a well-known place, you could see people from all over come here. For instance, there was a loud crackle of electricity before Ben gasped and waved at two familiar faces.

"Static! Gear! **( 9 )**" The two teen superheroes landed in front of Team Uke's booth before the the cocoa-skinned hero began,

"Cool, chocolate! I'll take a few bars!" But Gear rolled his eyes and growled,

"Static, are you buying stuff from people just because they're cute again?" Static laughed,

"Come on, Gear, when did I ever do that?"

"Hm..." The blonde technopath began, "How about when that girl scout troop came to your house and you bought, like, twenty boxes because the troop-leader was hot?"

"Um..."

"And when you helped that one police cadet with money because he was cute?"

"He was begging!"

"You are a jerk!" Gear growled before he activated his boots and flew off.

"Wait! Gear! Come back!" Static called out, paying for a couple of bars. He then flew off with a, "Does this mean I'm not getting any tonight?"

* * *

Team Seme _really_ weren't getting any customers. However, there was a trio of males that walked over. The one one the left had rough-looking grey-white hair, a pair of matching wolf ears on top, a serious-looking face with a eye-patch covering one of his eyes. He was dressed in dark, futuristic mercenary wear, the gloves that he wore were even tipped with sharp claws on the finger tips. His piercing black eyes and the wolf tail behind him completed his appearance.

The one on the right had a blue faux-hawk type thing going on with his hair. His sharp blue eyes were surrounded by, what looked like, red eye-shadow. He was dressed in a pilot's uniform, a plume of blue feathers behind him.

Finally, the male in the middle (who seemed the youngest out of all of them) had neck-length brown-orange hair that was topped in a pair of fox ears. He was dressed in a similar pilot uniform to the bluenette. You could see the laughter in his green eyes as they conversed about something. The bluenette, one Falco Lombardi, saw the chocolate booth and walked over with a,

"Hey!" He poicked up a bar and said, "How about it Fox, you want one?" The younger pilot, Fox McCloud, hummed,

"Well..." But the other male, Wolf O'Donnell, growled before walking over to Falco,

"Hey! If anyone's buying him anything, it will be me." Seeing the love-triangle-type quarrel, Kakuzu stated,

"How about the both of you buy some and settle this amongst yourselves.", trying to make a sale. Wolf and Falco asked Fox if he wanted a candy bar or not, the younger male replying.

"Maybe..." Then he realized, "Oh, but I should probably buy one for Krystal!" Wolf and Falco shook their heads, sighing.

"Ugh... Fox." Falco groaned.

"Didn't you and Krystal have your... differences?", Wolf asked. But Fox panicked,

"What's that supposed to mean?" Falco decided to be blunt,

"She dumped you Fox! Move on! **( 10 )**" That caused Fox to growl back,

"Krystal didn't dump me! She said just needed space!" As if by fate, Krystal (A fox-girl with blue hair and deep green eyes) walked by, holding the arm of a rose-wielding, panther-like male named Panther (_so_ original Nintendo), laughing,

"Oh Panther!" When they were gone, Fox's eyes filled with tears before he bought a candy bar and rushed off, crying.

"Fox! Wait!" Wolf called out. Falco adding,

"Come here, I'll make it all better for you!"

"And by that he means sleep with you!", Wolf commented, rushing after the crying vulpine.

"Screw you Wolf!" Falco seethed, rushing after.

* * *

Naruto had just sold a candy-bar to a little girl when a familiar voice asked, "How are you doing, Koi?"

"Sai, I swear to God, I am not in the mood!"

"That's right dobe! Tell that artsy faggot to fuck off!" Sasuke cheered. But it seemed that Sai wasn't easily rejected. He pointed behind him and called out,

"Look! Ramen!"

"Where?" Naruto turned, looking for the fabled treat. He yelped, however, when he felt a hand firmly groping his backside. Naruto growled, yelling, "SAI!", as the male rushed back to the other side.

"HE'S A DEAD SON OF A BITCH, I KID YOU NOT!" Sasuke yelled, getting up from the wheelchair. But he didn't even make it one step before his ankle went out and he fell to the ground yelling in pain.

* * *

"Hm..." Kisame murmured to himself. "All this chocolate is making me hungry." He took one of the bars out of the box and was about to chow down when Kakuzu yelled,

"Kisame, don't you dare!"

"But I'm hungry~!" The Mizukage groaned.

"No! You can eat when we get back to the Estate!" Kakuzu retorted before he snatched the chocolates away and left. Kisame huffed, he didn't get to eat breakfast that morning, so he really needed something to eat. He was busy pouting and whining when he saw something that made him immediately perk up.

Itachi was sitting on the counter of the Uke booth, one leg over the other, his foot tapping at air. His pale legs that seemed to go on forever offered a wonderful tease. Yet what was the best part of the scene was the way he was eating one of the chocolate bars.

He would either nibble the smallest piece off of it, or lick at the bar (much like he would something else that he loved), or he would suck on it for a moment, allowing the chocolate to melt before he pulled away and lapped at his sticky lips.

Kisame gulped before (after he took a picture of the scene) he walked over. Itachi felt a familiar presence and smiled when he saw Kisame.

"Hey there. Interested in some chocolate?"

"Yes." Kisame began, "But not from a bar." He sat down before signaling for Itachi to sit on his lap. It seemed like something out of some shojo manga, the proper school-girl being seen in the arms of the school punk.

Kisame gently brought his lips to Itachi's, a soft touch, before running his tongue along the seam of the brunette's perfect lips, demanding entrance. With a soft sigh, Itachi complied, opening his mouth so that Kisame could deepen the kiss.

Itachi was secretly ecstatic at the embrace. He hadn't had any attention from his shark in _ages_. Despite being in separate residences, every time Itachi tried to instigate something, that damned Bromance syndrome would activate (ie: Russia would do something to get Kisame's attention or interrupting in some friendly manner).

"Mm!" Itachi moaned as Kisame rubbed and squeezed various points of his body. This make-out session was about to get more heated, a voice began,

"Ahem." Kisame and Itachi broke apart, looking at an angry Kakuzu.

"Hey. What's up?" Kisame asked.

"You're attracting attention to them, you realize?" Kakuzu frowned. Kisame looked around and, indeed, there were more people surrounding the Ukes.

"Huh. Well," Kisame sat Itachi back down, not without eating the rest of the chocolate bar he was eating In two quick chomps. "See you later Itachi!", he called before he followed Kakuzu back to the other side.

* * *

"Alright then Ukes!" Itachi called out, "We've done a good job but now the time has come for the finishing blow! Deidara?" When the brunette turned to the blonde, Deidara gulped before he nodded and stood by the booth.

"James! James, over here!" The bluenette walked over to Deidara and asked,

"Yes?"

"Could you do me a favor, un?" James smirked,

"It depends on what said favor is." Deidara groaned before he asked,

"Could you buy the rest of our chocolates? There's not that much left and we really want to end the game."

"Deidara, I can't do that." James replied, "Kisame would kill me." Somewhere in the distance, you could hear Sasori screaming at the sight of the two talking.

"Really?" The blonde smiled, "Not even for..." At that, he pulled James down and whispered something into his ear. At first, James raised an eyebrow. But his eyes soon widened and when Deidara let him go, he silently brought out a checkbook and, after calculating the expense, wrote out a check for the rest of the chocolate.

"Team Uke wins!" The commentator announced. The ukes cheered,

"Yay!" The semes groaned,

"Aw..."

"Alright, Yay! We lost!" England quickly and sarcastically cheered before he grabbed France's arm. "You. Come with me. Now!" He grunted out, dragging the romantic behind him as he found the nearest confined area (an emergency flare closet), and shut the door.

_Half an hour (and a lot of revealing noises) later..._

Arthur walked out, straightening up his outfit as if nothing had happened. He was also smoking a cigarette as he said, "See what can happen if you shaved more often Francis?"

A moment later, France shakily swayed and limped out of the closet. His clothing in disarray and the various marks on him leaving no other explanation for what had just transpired. England made it over to both teams but when he saw America and Canada, looking like they had seen worse than a hundred ghosts, he asked, exhaling a cloud of smoke, "What's all this then?" America silently buried his head into Russia's chest, whining,

"Make the wrongness go away, Ivan..." Canada was pretty much the same before Sheik held out an extra bottle of Red Potion.

"I think you need this more than I do."

* * *

**OMAKE **

"Father." Saso smiled as James picked him up, resting him on his shoulder as he called out,

"Deidara, are you coming?"

"Yeah, un. Just hold on a minute!" The blonde was in his room, getting dressed for the family outing that he had promised James if he helped the ukes win. The blond put on a black top and skinny jeans before he rushed down the stairs.

"You look ravishing." James stated. "Are you ready?" The blonde nodded and they walked out the door.

"By the way, un..." Deidara asked as they three of them walked down the street, "What did you do with all that chocolate?"

"He's right, ano sa. I highly doubt that you were going to eat any of it, ano sa." James smiled,

"I sent it to Jessie and Meowth. Lord knows they nee all the help they can get- But enough about elements of my past that I would rather forget. Who wants to see a movie?" Deidara and Saso cheered as they continued their walk to the theater.

* * *

**Team Seme: 650 **

**Team Uke: 700 **

**( 1 ) 'Sonikku' is somewhat the Japanese pronunciation of Sonic, and those close to him (or who just want to annoy him) would go all the way and say 'Sonniku-chan'. **

**( 2 ) When me and my friend first heard of Sai's powers, we instantly had the same thought: 'What is he, the wannabe version of Amaterasu?' Amaterasu, as in the wolf from the game ****Okami****. **

**( 3 ) Okay, I'm going to say it now. I've never played any of the Final Fantasy games (unless you count that horrible piece of crap 'Final Fantasy: Crystal Chronicles' for the Gamecube.), but I do know that Sephiroth is, like, one of the hottest characters in anime and video game fandom. **

**( 4 ) Famous quote from the movie 'Airplane'. **

**( 5 ) Well-known quote from the Spongebob Squarepants episode 'Chocolate With Nuts'. Has actually spawned a following on Youtube, so I'm wondering why it isn't classified as a meme. **

**( 6 ) From Yu-Gi-Oh! Abridged, Marik calling Yami Bakura 'Fluffy'. I think it's because of his hair... **

**( 7 ) Japanese word for 'stare'. Found this out from watching a lot of 'Sayonara, Zetsubou-sensei' and 'Hetalia'. **

**( 8 ) ****Monty Python's The Holy Grail**** for the win anyone? **

**( 9 ) Ah! The pairings that I support are so out there! This goes for my (recently) adopted like of StaticxGear (a.k.a. VirgilxRichie) and WolfxFox (with a bit of FalcoxFox, but just for the rivalry). **

**( 10 ) I was **_**pissed **_**when I found out the Krystal dumped Fox in the game 'Star Fox: Command'! **

**Wow, this chapter was all about the fan-service, wasn't it? Please review! **

**-Tyranno's girl.**


	59. The Date That's Not a Date

**A/N: Okay, this chapter is a special for the 'Seme-Uke Games: Children-Side'. And by special, I mean if I don't put it here, you won't understand part of the companion fic that I'm desperately trying to put up (bear with me, reviewers!). **

**Shutting up now.

* * *

**

_Mizuki Hoshigaki falls from the ceiling and onto the floor. He groans softly before more children and some animals come. They all cheer, "The Seme-Uke Games: Children-Side!"_

It was a sunny day at the house where the children of the Seme-Uke Games competitors. They all seemed to be radiating from this day as well, using energy from the sun's rays to spend their day having fun.

Mizuki was playing fetch with Hun. Or, rather, he tossed the shiny red ball away anytime Hun brought it over.

Kiro was spying on the all-girl's gym that was just a while's away from the area. "Thank God for binoculars..." He smirked.

Kire had convinced Peach to let him play with her hair and he had actually created a wearable hair-style.

Saso was having another tea-party with his dolls, the way he talked to them still having that aura of creepiness.

Saya was perfecting a game that she and Shimmer (her 'big as a queen-sized mattress' spider) would play where the small girl would use Shimmer's webs as a mid-air trampoline.

Isabella was drawing a pretty picture for her mama and vati. "Pretty pretty flowers, ve..."

Delirium and Demise had started this day off on a good note but, as inevitable as it was, they had started to fight again (something along the lines of one of them eating the other's last cupcake yesterday).

Ongakuhana was trying to talk to Kira without inducing that cherry blush on the albino girl's skin. And failing miserably.

And Devlin was drawing with Isabella, making sure that Ken didn't fly away via the child-leash that he had wrapped around the smaller boy.

Oh, and Ethan was -

"AAAGGGHHH!"

Currently being suspended over a giant pot of boiling water in the basement. Alexandr was slowly lowering the rope that held Ethan while Boris was about to have a nice thunder-bird dinner, Donner was tied up with an apple in her beak. As time went on, it seemed that Alexandr was finally going to succeed in getting rid of his much-less-noticeable cousin.

When, all of a sudden, he stopped.

"Huh?" Ethan blinked, seeing that he wasn't falling towards his death. "What happened, eh?" Instead of answering, the snow-haired boy climbed on top of Boris and left the basement. "Hey, wait! What about me, eh?"

* * *

The doorbell of the house rang and, seeing as she was the only one available, Zelda answered it. When the door was opened, a young voice asked, "Excuse me Miss, does one Alexandr Braginski live here?" The brunette princess blinked at the sight in front of her,

There was a boy who had short hair that seemed to be a mixture of earthy browns and regal golds even if it was hidden by a green beret decorated with a large red badge. His skin was smooth and almost the same shade as his hair, slightly darker, and his eyes were leaf green. A miniature, white naval uniform completed this boy's ensemble **( 1 )**.

"Yes, but who might you b – Aah!" Zelda was interrupted when Boris smacked her out of the way, allowing Alexandr to look at the boy.

"Ah! There you are, oh **( 1.5 )**!" The brunette smiled before he walked over. "Hi Alexandr!" The usually cold boy blushed as he stuttered out,

"H-hello... P-Port Harcourt..."

* * *

Huh? Is this a camera, oh? Hey, it's just like Nollywood! **( 2 )**

_You have to talk to the camera, Port Harcourt._

Really? Oh, so that's what this list of questions is for, oh. Well, my name is Port Harcourt. I look ten but I'm actually 98, oh. **( 3 )**

… _You're old._

Yeah, but I still look great, now. Let's see... Well, another interesting bit of information may be that I am the son of my Mama, Nigeria, and Mr. Arthur, England.

_I've been meaning to ask about that. If England's your dad and he's my grand-father... Wouldn't that make you... my uncle?_

Technically.

_I was afraid that you would say that._

Why, oh?

_Never mind..._

Okay. Anyway, my actual name is... It's funny, oh. Usually when people ask me my real name, something always happens to make them lose interest. Alright, my name is E –

_Why did you come here today anyway?

* * *

_

"I had a few documents to deliver to my Mama and when she told me you were here, I decided to pay a visit!" Alexandr blinked before he started,

"That's..." Everyone braced for an insult. "Nice."

"WHAT?" Everyone in the building (besides Alexandr and Port Harcourt) fell down in disbelief. Especially Ethan (who had somehow gotten out of the basement with Donner).

"Alexandr? Acting civil?" He yelped. Then, after a few seconds of silence, he ran off screaming, "Run for the bomb-shelters, it's WWIII!" Despite the disturbance from the small German (Prussian)- Canadian, Port Harcourt smiled and asked,

"It's a nice day, oh. Want to go on a picnic?"

_'Damn him...'_ Alexandr thought, his blush getting worse. It wasn't any better when he began hearing the taunts.

"Alexandr and Port Harcourt..." Delirium started, Demise adding,

"Sitting in a tree...", Then they both laughed out the ending, "K.I.S.S.I.N.G.!"

"The two of you going on a sweet little date! How cute!" Peach giggled. Alexandr silently fumed rushing out of the door with Boris, muttering,

"It's not a date." When he was gone, Port Harcourt followed. But not before he turned and said, in a voice that really didn't belong to a ten year-old,

"I have an aunt that _will_ curse you to an early grave. Don't fuck with me, now.** ( 4 )**" He walked out the door, calling in his cheery voice, "Wait up, oh! I'll have them bring the car around!"

* * *

It took a while, because Port Harcourt had to choose the _perfect_ park. The car finally stopped at Celtic Guardian Park. Port Harcourt helped Alexandr out before telling the driver to circle the city a few times.

The bear and the two boys walked up and down hills and past benches and trees until they had found a secluded area surrounded by trees that seemed to block all the city noise and made for a sanctuary in the bustling metropolis. "What do you think –?"

"Shh." Alexandr hushed the other, allowing the silence to encompass them both. It was almost just like at home. Silence was one of his favorite treasures, so he enjoyed it whenever he could. A few moments later, he asked, "What's for lunch?" Port Harcourt brought out a blanket and a picnic-basket from nowhere and set everything out before he rummaged through the basket and stated,

"I have... a sandwich." "Some Ovaltine... and some Fanta **( 5 )**! This is going to be a good lunch, oh!" He then held out the two beverages and asked, "Which one to you want?"

"Are they the American or the Nigerian versions?" Alexandr replied, causing Port Harcourt to laugh,

"Really Alexandr?" the snow-haired boy rolled his eyes before taking the Fanta. Port Harcourt divided up the sandwich and placed a napkin on Alexandr's lap before adding the half of the sandwich. "There we are. Enjoy, oh." Alexandr nodded and began to eat.

* * *

They sat and ate in amicable company, under the blue, blue sky, clouds of the purest white rolling over-head. Alexandr found his eyes discretely watching the other. He couldn't help the way that his cheeks would blush upon even the mention of the other boy's name.

Meanwhile, in the nearby bushes, Ethan and Isabella were spying on the whole scene. Well, Ethan was spying and Isabella was sleeping (siesta time). "What is he planning?" Ethan whispered, trying to dissect his cousin's strange behavior.

"Ve... I don't know, maybe he's trying to impress him." Isabella sighed, rolling over to get a better rest. Yet the statement made Ethan grimace.

"Port Harcourt? He's at least 19 times Alexandr's age!"

"Ve..." Isabella sat up at the statement, "But he looks so young!"

"Oh Isabella..." Ethan sighed.

* * *

After the food had been finished, Port Harcourt and Alexandr lay in the grass, watching the clouds and birds float by in the sky.

"Isn't this beautiful, oh?" Port Harcourt smiled. Alexandr murmured,

"I guess. If you like staring at clouds and birds." All at once, Port Harcourt stood up with a,

"You're right, now!" The brunette then, out of nowhere, pulled out a hunting rifle and some ammo. "Time to lock and load, oh!" Alexandr did something he hardly ever did at that time. He smiled.

_'This is the man that's going to become my husband...'_ He thought as Port Harcourt took aim and shot at one of the birds in the sky. It only nicked the creature, but it caused enough panic for the flock to become confused and hectic.

"Your turn, now!" Port Harcourt called out, tossing the rifle to Alexandr. The younger boy took it and carefully moved it towards the sky. "Remember to use the cross-hairs!" With a nod, Alexandr aimed and then fired. A bird fell from the sky and into the bush where Ethan and Isabella were.

They both screamed in terror as the bloody bird fell between them. After he got past the terror, Ethan called into a head-set, "Donner, get out of the sky! For the love of God, get out of the sky!"

* * *

Finally, after a day of hunting, relaxing, and feeding the spoils of the hunt to Boris, Port Harcourt finally got Alexandr back to the children's house.

"Thanks for coming with me today, oh." The older boy smiled. But the tone of his voice made Alexandr wince,

"You're... leaving?"

"Yeah, I'm currently in charge of things while Mama is out here with all of you. It's not that hard, but it takes a lot of my time."

"Oh... alright then." Port Harcourt blinked a bit before he gave Alexandr a caring pat on the head.

"You're a cute kid." He said before he walked off to his car, waving back, "See you soon Alexandr!" That heavy blush was back but he didn't even try to hide it as he waved at the car until it was out of sight. Then he sighed and walked back inside. Yet, his day wasn't done yet.

"I've figured it out!" Ethan announced, "As long as Port Harcourt's around, Alexandr won't do anything mean! It's perfect!" When his cousin walked in with Boris, the blonde put his theory into action.

"Aw... Is the Casanova gone, eh?" Ethan taunted. Alexandr gave a stern frown before he dug out the last bird he and Port Harcourt had shot down. He threw it at Ethan before giving a low whistle.

Ethan's screams rang throughout the house as Boris chased him down, back to his normal self but remembering the great day that he had had.

* * *

**A/N: **

**( 1 ) You know, with Port Harcourt being a mixture of England's elegance and education and Nigeria's natural beauty, it's no wonder that businessmen from all over visit. Also, since it's one of the best known harbor areas, that's where a lot of the naval soldiers are based (hence why Port Harcourt was dressed like he was).**

**( 1.5 ) Yeah, Port Harcourt's dialogue is a combination of the Nigerian accent and a British accent, and he tries to say 'oh' more than 'now' at the end of his sentences.  
**

**( 2 ) Every country has a version of Hollywood. It's just that India (Bollywood) and Nigeria (Nollywood) couldn't be original with their titles. **

**( 3 ) The city of Port Harcourt is 98 years old. So old and yet I still have yet to go! Soon my passport will come... soon... **

**( 4 ) Most of Nigeria has gone modern, but there are still some people who believe in curses and such. **

**( 5 ) According to people who I've talked to that are from different countries, the American versions of Fanta and Ovaltine are crap compared to their foreign counterparts. **

**Please review! **

**-Tyranno's girl. **


	60. Ode to the Children

**A/N: Okay, so this chapter was more than a little bit inspired by The Rotten Tomatoes Show's 'Ode to Indie Films' song. For those of you who don't know, The Rotten Tomatoes Show is a movie review show that comes on Current_TV (and I've currently fallen in love with it). If you want to sing along to this remade version, go to YouTube and type in 'Ode to Indie Films' to get the beat. **

**I guess it can also be seen as a tribute to the yaoi pairing in general. At least the beginning, anyway.  
**

**I don't own anything but my thoughts. That was the disclaimer.

* * *

**

One evening, the sponsors decided that the those of the competitors who had kids should get together to sing a little song for them. So here they were, all in one of the restaurants of Domino. England and Italy were to play guitar to set up the rhythm and everyone was inclined to sing.

"And now," The commentator announced, "The parents of the Seme-Uke Games with a tribute to their relationships and their kids."

"Are we ready or what?" England huffed, "I have people to see, Francis to do, and child-support to pay." When everyone nodded, the music began and Kisame sang out,

"_I'm a goofy, brutish-looking, psychopathic giant..."_ Then Itachi sang,

"_I'm an adorable, intelligent, girly-looking male..."_

"_Normally a pair like us wouldn't stand a chance in hell."_, Kisame sang, hugging Itachi from behind. _"But we're doing swell!"_ Prussia smirked before he hugged Canada and sang,

"_My mind can't erase the first time I saw your face..."_ Kevin chuckled, poking Ben in the shoulder,

"_You were a cute little squirt."_

"_Tobi was frightened by your face..."_ Tobi admitted with a sigh as he sat in Zetsu's lap.

"_Pairings like this, well, they couldn't happen anywhere else."_ Kakuzu stated before he added, _"Except a fangirl's mind."_

"_Truly that night, I was just really horny..."_ Deidara admitted with a blush. They had to stop for a bit when Sasori and James got into a bit of a fight but the bluenette managed to pin Sasori long enough to sing,

"_And you didn't notice that part of my eye twinkling..."_

"I'll kill you!" Sasori yelled, trying to choke the other as he flipped them over so that he was on top. Using his ability of not readin the atmosphere whatsoever, America ignored everything and sang,

"_Yet nine months later, I was screaming my head off..." _He glared at Russia for a bit before he yelled, _"From that c-section!"_

"_We gave them good names so they'd grow up to be known..."_ N. Italy sang as he and England kept playing.

"_Like Alexandr..."_ Russia smiled.

"_Demise..."_ Count D giggled.

"_Ongakuhana..."_ Zetsu stated with a smiled before Deidara cheered,

"_And Saso!"_

"_But despite their names, these kids will probably get whatever they want..."_ Arthur gritted out, looking out into the audience at his two grandsons. _"So damned spoiled..."_ Alfred nudged his father in the shoulder and laughed,

"Lighten up Iggy!" Before he sang, _"Alexandr's shooting skills are canny..."_

"_But Saso's dolls are creepy!"_, Deidara whimpered, recalling the 'conversations' he had walked in on between his son and those things. Gilbert muttered,

"_Ethan's whiny..." _

"_Mizuki spites me..."_, Kisame groaned. Germany joined in with a sigh of,

"_And Isabella's like her mother..."_

"_But despite our kids quirks, we just love them all to death..."_ Hidan smiled, waving at Kira. But Kakuzu ruined it with a statement of,

"_With you that's not a figure of speech..."_ As the song was nearing its end, the commentator called out,

"What traits do your kids have that stand out?" Zetsu and Tobi called out,

"Ongakuhana's strange appetite!" Kevin stated,

"Ken's adventurous side!", Ben adding,

"Devlin's 'big-brother' complex!"

"Kiro's pervyness and Kire's hair obession." Kakuzu muttered before Hidan yelled out,

"Kira's adorable shyness!"

"Alexandr's selective sadism.", Ivan announced with a smile. Canada thought for a moment before he gave up (not remembering anything that really stood out about Ethan) and said,

"Ethan's kindness?"

"Mizuki's leadership skills!", Itachi called out before Kisame said,

"Hun's short attention-span!"

"Saso's high IQ!" Deidara called out. James would have joined him but he and Sasori were still fighting. Neji and Gaara added,

"Saya's patience!"

"Ve... Isabella's smile!", Feliciano chimed.

"Delirium's and Demise's wonderful manners!" Count D stated and frowned at anyone who was about to say 'what wonderful manners?'. They all looked at each other before laughing from the randomness at all of this, following with the group singing,

"_We just love our kids!" _The audience cheered when the song ended. Those on stage congratulated each other for jobs well done. Kisame even had a tear in his eye,

"That was beautiful. In fact," He called over to Mizuki, "Get up here, you!" Mizuki frowned but walked up on stage anyway. " Come on over here and give your father – AAGGHH!" Kisame yelled out as Mizuki bit his hand, his inherited sharp-teeth doing their job. The poor Mizukage kept screaming as he ran around, trying to get his son to let go.

"Honestly, I swear..." England huffed, "Would you all get control of your children?" Suddenly there was a low whistle. The gentlemanly nation paid it no mind until he felt that familiar heavy breathing behind him. "Oh bugger..." Arthur groaned before he was tackled and pummeled to the ground by Boris.

"Mama..." Isabella sniffled as she walked over to Feliciano. "It was a lie..."

"What's wrong?" The auburn-haired nation asked. Isabella sniffled again before she began,

"Ve... I was promised cake if I sat here and was good... But there's no cake." Her big blue eyes welled up in tears, "The cake was a lie!"

"Ve? The cake was a lie?" N. Italy cried out, not believing his ears. He turned to Germany and cried, "Doitsu~! The cake was a lie!" Ludwig sighed, burying his face in his hand with a sigh of,

"Mein Gott..." Upon heraing the news, Delirium gasped,

"What? There's no cake?"

"It's not like you need it, dearest sister." Demise smiled, "Your complexion has been waning." Delirium twitched before she growled out,

"My lovely brother..." In a flash, she tackled him to the floor, began pulling at his hair and scratching him. Count D cried out,

"Oh my. Children, stop it!", before he and Leon went to stop the madness. "I honestly don't know where they are learning this horrible behaviour." Leon raised an eyebrow towards the Count,

"_Really_ D?" Devlin was successfully staying out of trouble. He also helped his brother stay safe. Everytime Ken tried to fly away, Devlin would just give a yank of the toddler-leash and bring him back down to Earth.

Seeing as how Mizuki still hadn't let go of Kisame's hand, Hun ran up to Itachi and asked, "Shouldn't we help them? I mean..." Itachi brought out a shiny red ball and tossed it away, calling out,

"Fetch!" Hun couldn't help it, he rushed off after the alluring toy.

Ethan was watching Boris maul his Grandfather and, as sad as it was, he sighed, "Better him than me."

"Who said you were out of harm's way?" Alexandr's voice asked from beside him. Ethan yelped, looking at his cousin with all the fear in the world. "I saw you and Isabella spying on me that day. And since Isabella isn't the brightest star in the sky, I know that _you_ were behind it." Ethan cried,

"We were only looking out for you! I mean, he's nineteen times your age!" Alexandr narrowed his aurora-shaded eyes before he reached behind him and pulled out a hunting rifle.

"Does it look like I care?" He huffed, aiming at Ethan's head. The blonde yelled as he ran away, Alexandr chasing him down.

"Such a pity..." Saso began while has sitting at a table and talking with one of his dolls, "That such a wonderful evening turned into such a mess, ano sa." The blonde simply took a sip of the bubble tea he was drinking while watching as Kiro used his little boy charms to get Taiwan and Ukraine to coo over him. And the fact that those two were the nations with the biggest... 'tracks of land'...

"I'm in heaven." Kiro smirked, discretely running a hand long Mei's thigh. Meanwhile, Kire was brushing Dawn's hair.

"Such pretty hair..." He sighed. Dawn smiled,

"Thanks! You know, as a Pokemon coordinator I have to take care of – "

A cutting noise stopped her in mid-sentence and she realized that her hair was much shorter than it had been. Kire smiled as he added the hair to his stash and ran before Dawn's screams could start.

Neji was about to offer to get Gaara some dessert when he saw Saya with her hand in Shimmer's mouth. "NOO!" Both Neji and Gaara screamed as they ran over. "Get off of her!" Neji screamed. But Saya pouted,

"I was trying to tend to Shimmer! She has a sore tooth!"

Kira sighed as Kire rushed past her, running from Dawn and her Empoleon. She was just about to see if her parents would order her some desert when suddenly, "Hi Kira-chan!", Ongakuhana jumped right in front of her, they were so close that their noses were almost touching.

_'Too... close...'_ Kira thought before she passed out in a heavy blush. Ongakuhana sighed,

"Oh, not again..."

* * *

There was another hour of chaos before Itachi decided, "Alright, that's enough." Kisame ran towards him, Mizuki still on his hand. The shark whined,

"Itachi, get him off~!" The weasel sighed before he flicked Mizuki on the nose. The small boy yelped and immediately let go, grabbing his nose instead. Itachi then picked Mizuki up and said, "Maybe we should get them all to bed."

"Okay..." Kisame nodded, "But can we stop by a pharmacy on the way so I can get some bandages?" Itachi blinked before he looked at his husband's swelling fingers.

"Oh Kisame..."

* * *

**A/N: I hoped you liked it. It will probably be my last update for a while. Like I said in 'LOH', my internet will be shut off tomorrow (DAMN IT, DAMN IT, DAMN IT!), I'll still write but I don't know when I'll be able to post. Reviews help encourage me in writing and finding cheaper, better sources of internet access. So, continue to cheer your teams on! **

**-Tyranno's girl.**


	61. Guess Who's Back?

**A/N: Hey guys, so my mom went back to work and I was able to work on this with their computer. Not only that, but I managed to talk Verizon into keeping my internet on a bit longer. **

**Yay! **

**Disclaimer- Nothing but my ideas are mine, mine I tells ya!

* * *

**

"And with that…" Thailand spoke as he unwrapped the last of Sasori's bandages, "All of your recovery time is officially over."

"Ah, finally!" Sasuke smiled, testing gout his ankle and smirking at his clean bill of health. Today Sasuke, Sasori, and Shadow were finally able to get back into the games.

And more importantly get back to their ukes.

No one was more anxious than Shadow. No sooner had his bandages been removed, he brought out a chaos emerald and, with a call of "Chaos Control!", he was gone in a flash of light.

* * *

Shadow reappeared in Sonic's room at Uke Manor expecting to see the bluenette relaxing or talking with one of his friends on the phone. He did not expect to see a silver-haired telekinetic trying to force himself onto him!

"Silver~! Stop it, come on~!" Sonic whined out, trying to shove Silver off. But the older chuckled out,

"But Sonniku-chan~! If you would just stop struggling…" Silver's eyes shined for a moment before the belt of his pants unraveled from his waist and tied around Sonic's wrists.

"No! Stop, I don't want this!" Sonic shook his head, crying out as Silver worked at his jeans before he continued,

"You would like it if you stopped squirming… Come on, I'm pretty sure that I'm better than Shadow." He leaned down and kissed Sonic's pouting lips. "Let me prove it, ne?" Just when he was about to pull the pants of, however, the sound of a gun clicking right by his head stopped him. Silver groaned before he seethed, "Oh... Gag me, bite me, tie me up and fuck me! **( 1 )**" Shadow merely kept up his stoic attitude before he said,

"I will give you ten seconds to remove yourself from my property." Sonic gulped at how scary Shadow looked, despite how happy he was to see the ultimate weapon up and about again. Silver sputtered out,

"Come on, Shadow..." An idea popped into his mind, out of the blue, "How about we have a threesome~?"

* * *

From outside, you could hear Shadow's voice call out, "Ten!", before the sounds of gun-shots and yells rang out through Uke Manor until a large section of the house was actually broken away.

* * *

"Alright," Sasuke sighed in content as he walked towards Uke Manor, "I've waited _way_ more than long enough. So now it's time for some much needed sexy-sexy time with my dobe!" Visions of chains and whipped cream were dancing in his mind as he walked towards the Manor. But he frowned when he saw the gaping hole in the house. The raven opened his mouth to say something but he held it back. "Leave it be Sasuke, you have more important things to worry about." Giving another sigh, Sasuke walked in to try and find his blonde lover.

* * *

"Let's see…" Sasuke hummed as he looked for the right room. "Ben… Chazz… Sheik… Here we go!" He finally found Naruto's door (the fox poster on it was a dead giveaway). He spruced himself up a bit (like the ducky that he is) and opened the door with a, "Dobe, I hope you weren't planning on getting up from bed today because…"

Immediately his eyes bled into Sharingan.

Naruto was sleeping like an angel on his bed, his pajama shirt was left unbuttoned and revealed that honey-toned skin that Sasuke loved adoring with his teeth. But that wasn't the reason for Sasuke's fury.

Sai was sitting on a chair at the edge of the bed and was drawing Naruto while the blonde slept. He was focused on his work until he sensed the murderous aura behind him. "Oh," He began as he turned, that smile still on his face, "Hello Sasuke."

* * *

Another portion of Uke Manor was blown away by Sasuke's Chidori.

* * *

Sasori decided to go back to Seme Estate and get a nice change of clothes before he embarked on his quest to save his lover from the Blue Meanie **( 2 )** known as James Gemstone. As the redhead walked, his mind got the best of him as he imagined…

_"No!" Deidara cried out as he ran up the stairs of a dark, foreboding castle, clad in a blue dress. The blonde ran until he tripped about halfway up. He groaned out his discomfort until he heard chuckling and footsteps behind him. _

_"Now Princess…" James cooed out, dressed in a blue wizard's cloak. "You can't escape from me." _

_"No, Danna's injured and I have to go help him, un. The only plausible reason that I wouldn't be with him in his time of need is if someone like you were occupying all of my time, un!" Deidara called back. James smirked before he grasped the blonde's arm and pulled with vim. Deidara yelped as he fell into James's chest and began fussing when the bluenette tightened his arms to leave him there. "No! This isn't right, I'm in love with Sasori, un!" _

_"But my dear," James chuckled, "What can he offer you that I can not?" The blue-haired male left a line of soft, lingering kisses down the blonde's smooth neck. _

_"No… I-I can't…" Deidara whimpered as he futily tried to push James away. _

_"Now, what do you say that we get to work on giving Saso a baby brother or sister?" James asked but he didn't wait for a response before he lifted the blonde artist princess over his shoulder and walked towards a bedroom-chamber. Deidara cried out with teary blue eyes, _

_"No~! Sasori, help me!"_

The door of Seme Estate cracked open as Sasori slammed it and stormed in. Kisame and Russia (who were in the kitchen) looked up from Ivan's recipe book, the shark asking, "Oh, Sasori! Congratulations on getting out of the hospital!" Sasori didn't answer and let his darkened aura do the talking. Yet, with Kisame basically being invulnerable to auras and Russia's Yandere **( 3 )** aura being so powerful, no one really paid it any mind.

"Look," Sasori sighed, "I'm just going to get some clothes so that I can go see Deidara." Roy was just about to head off to run a few errands when he heard the conversation and added,

"You mean your blonde artsy friend?" When Sasori nodded, he continued, "I think that I saw him in your room with James –"

"I'LL KILL HIM!" Sasori roared out, rushing up the stairs. Kisame merely blinked before he looked at the book and asked,

"Ooh! Can we make these?"

"Varenki **( 4 )**?" Ivan blinked, "But of course!"

* * *

Sasori marched towards his room, but abstained from slamming the door open (it was _his_ room after all). Yet, the room was empty. "Damn it all, can't count on that damn Ginger-kid prince for anything…" However, he soon heard soft laughter coming from the bathroom. He slowly, silently, walked in and had to choke back a yell.

Deidara was in a bathtub, delicately fumed bubbles obscuring view of the blonde's wet and naked body. As wonderful a sight as this was, Sasori gritted his teeth. James was sitting on the edge of the tub and washing those gorgeous golden locks. "Mm…" Deidara hummed as he felt gentle hands stroke his scalp. "That feels so good, un…"

"I'm glad you think so." James chuckled. This continued on in silence before the bluenette asked, "Do you feel up for helping me with mine next?"

"THE HELL HE DOES!" Sasori finally yelled out, summoning Hiruko and jumping inside. Deidara yelped, covering his chest,

"Danna? You're out of the hospital!"

"Oh joy upon absolute joys…" James huffed. Sasori growled before asked,

"Deidara? Could you give me and James a moment to talk?" The blonde rolled his eyes before pulling himself from the tub. Both of the semes watched the sight of Deidara's dripping frame until he was out of the room. James wiped the drool from the side of his mouth and began,

"Now then, where were we?"

* * *

A loud crash could be heard as Sasori crashed into James, sending them both flying through the window. The bluenette barely had time to dodge before Hiruko's tail jabbed towards him.

"Shit!" Sasori hissed as Hiruko's tail was stuck in the dirt. It gave James enough time to dig into his pocket and bring out a box that contained, what else, bottle-caps.

"What do I have with me?" He mused to himself before he saw the shining golden caps. He sighed, "You will be missed.", before he used one to cut a small line, to the point of bleeding, on his palm. He moved quickly, running each cap along the cut before he smirked. Sasori turned Hiruko around just in time to see the smirk.

"Oh, don't you _dare_!" He yelled. But James sent the bottle-caps flying anyway, at least half of them cutting through the puppet. "Damn it all to hell!" Sasori gritted out as He surveyed the damage, "Stupid bottle-cap lover." Sasori sent out a rush of kunai towards his enemy, one getting the green-eyed male before he dodged the rest.

"That wasn't very nice," James frowned, bringing out a Pokéball. "I just had these clothes dry-cleaned. Oh well…" He tossed the red and white ball with a "Go Growlie **( 5 )**!" In a flash of light, a large orange and white dog with black stripes (An Arcanine, for those of us who watched the first Generation of Pokémon) appeared, bearing sharp fangs and glaring red eyes towards the puppet. "You used to have such lovely red eyes." James thought aloud, "Oh well, that's the price for 'Demoralization'. Growlie, Flamethrower!" Growlie barked before a large plume of flame rushed from his mouth and towards the puppet.

Sasori moved Hiruko out of the way just in time to avoid the flames. For a moment, both males stared ech other down. James broke it by telling Growlie, "Hyper Beam." The massive dog jumped back and was about to let and beam of pure power rush towards his target when, out of nowhere, Kisame jumped into the fray and called out,

"No! No Hyper Beam, no Hyper Beam!" Growlie canceled the attack, confused but happy to see the shark again. But Sasori jumped out of Hiruko and yelled,

"Why are you helping him? You should be helping me!"

"Who gives a damn about either of you?" Kisame yelled, "What about the Estate?" Sasori and James looked at Seme Estate and say that it had received the heavy amount of damage from their fight. Sasori gulped,

"Oh…"

"…Crap.", James finished for him.

* * *

"Are you guys complete idiots?" Zoey cried out, "It's hard enough to coordinate the challenges but we don't need you guys running your houses too!" Both Teams had rushed to talk to the commentator about fixing the damages to their houses, but the commentator (not wanting to deal with it) told them to talk to the coordinator Zoey.

"If this is anyone's fault," Itachi began, "It's Squad Insecurity over there!", then he pointed to Shadow, Sasori, and Sasuke.

"Look." Kisame began, just as a fight was about to break out, "It doesn't matter who's right, or who's wrong, or who needs to stop being so insecure –"

"Hey!"

"What's important," Kisame added on, ignoring the three culprits, "Is that both Teams are going to need places to stay until the houses are rebuilt." Zoey sighed before she brought out a folder and looked through it. Her eyes widened,

"Wuh-oh."

"'Whu-oh'?" Itachi raised an eyebrow. Zoey laughed nervously,

"It seems that we prepared for something like this but… There's only one hotel we have in reserve, meaning…"

"That one Team is going to be sleeping in their demolished house while the other gets a luxury hotel?" Kevin asked. When Zoey nodded, Itachi spoke,

"Well, of course the semes will let us get the hotel."

"Hell to the no." All the semes replied in unison.

"Like, why the fuck not? If we go back to our place, the humidity will be murder on hair!" Poland shrieked.

"Well, _we_ can't go back to our house!" Link cried.

"And why is that?" Sheik asked. No one had to answer when Russia walked over to the door and opened it, revealing General Winter and a frozen hallway. Ivan closed the door and spoke,

"So unless you want us to freeze to death, we can not go back." The room was tense while they tried to figure out a solution. Then America smirked,

"Why don't we play for it?"

"Kiriball?" Kisame smiled, bringing out the ball from the match.

"Russian Roulette?" Russia offered, already holding out the gun.

"Mah Jong?" Korea asked, holding up the board, "It originated in Korea, you know." But America shook his head until he said,

"Brawl."

* * *

"So here's how this is going to work," The commentator spoke up as everyone gathered into a conference room that had a big enough screen for both teams to see the match. "Three Team matches and whoever wins this wins the hotel-stay for their team and some points!"

"Wait a minute," Sasori asked, "How are you going to do that if there's no audience?"

"Easy! I still have the camera-crew with me over there!" When everyone turned to where the camera crew was setting up. One of them waved.

"Hello."

So then came the teams for the game. After that was settled, the first match was to be Kisame and Russia versus Itachi and Canada. "And let's just thank Japan for coincidentally having a Wii we could use!" The commentator cheered, pointing to the quiet nation who was sitting with China.

Kisame chose Sonic, Russia picked the Ice Climbers, Itachi went with Ness, and Canada chose…

"King DeDeDe, Matt?" America asked his brother. Canada nodded,

"What? I like playing as King DeDeDe." When Alfred was about to say something else, Matthew sighed, "Please… No Carlos Mencia jokes, Alfred." The stage was set to always roll to Final Destination, so the match started pretty quickly.

* * *

In almost no time, Russia had ko'd Itachi and Kisame had just knock Canada to lose a life too. Then Kisame decided to be funny and had Sonic taunt, the 'You're too slow!' chiming from the screen. Ivan flinched and had his character throw a random explosive towards Sonic, knocking him out of the stage. The shark cried out,

"Ivan! What the hell, man?"

"I am sorry Comrade, I just could not stand that taunt."

* * *

Despite the shaky start and even a close call when Matthew got the Smash ball and had King DeDeDe perform his special (known to Smashers everywhere as 'The Big Gay Dance' **( 6 )**), the match ended in Team Seme's favor.

Next was Korea and Stan versus America and Jaden. Korea chose to play with Lucario, Stan chose Ike, Jaden picked Mario, and America picked Captain Falcon. In a few minutes, the match started. It was actually a very good match to watch, seeing as how the four competitors were avid game players, but America soon grew tired of Korea's strategy.

He would fight if anyone came close to his character, but if the majority of the fighting was on the other side of the stage, he would just have Lucario launch Aura Sphere… after Aura Sphere… after Aura Sphere. Just as Korea did it again, Alfred yelled,

"Stop spamming you butt-munch!"

A while later, Jaden got the first Smash Ball of the match and used Mario's special. The plumber called out, "Let's-a go!" Before releasing two dragons of flame that swept across the stage and actually forced the other two characters out.

"Hey!" S. Italy called out, "I find-a that offensive!" Immediately he blushed and covered his mouth. Before growling, "Damn you Funimation! **( 7 )**"

**TG- Okay Lovino, you didn't need to break the Fourth Wall like that.

* * *

**

The match continued but after a while of seeing the Ike character on the screen fight, Kisame spoke, "Hey Ike."

"Hm?" The mercenary replied.

"I've been meaning to ask…" Kisame rubbed the back of his head before he spoke again, "Why is your sword shaped like that?" Ike blinked.

"What do you mean?" The shark sighed before he tried again,

"I was curious as to why your weapon of choice slightly resembles a certain part of the human anatomy?" Ike blinked again,

"What?" Itachi finally interjected with,

"He wants to know why your sword is shaped a like a penis. **( 8 )**" Kisame had to hold back a laugh. He managed to choke out a thank you to the weasel, though. Ike yelled out,

"What? My… Ragnell does not look like a penis!"

"It does." Kisame nodded, trying not to laugh. Ike tried to deny it when France called over, taking a break from molesting England,

"You saying your sword isn't a phallic symbol is like saying that Jaden's hair does not look like a Kuriboh."

"What?" Jaden cried out, pausing the game, "My head looks _nothing_ like a Kuriboh! **( 9 )**"

"It kind of does." Aster rolled his eyes at his boyfriend, the younger sticking out his tongue before going back to the game. Ike was blushing like a tomato…

No wait. That's S. Italy's thing. Let's see… Ah, here we go.

Ike was blushing like a medium-rare steak. He then fumed out, "Even if it does resemble a penis, at least _my_ sword doesn't look like a giant tampon!"

Kisame twitched, not because of the comeback (even if it was a good one) he was afraid that a certain someone had heard it. And when Samehada charged in and began clawing at Ike's face, his fears were confirmed.

* * *

Jaden and America actually won the last match and after Alfred sang a rousing rendition of 'America, Fuck Yeah!', it was down to the last match up: Prussia and Sasuke versus Kyle and Naruto. Prussia chose MetaKnight, Sasuke picked Samus, Kyle chose Olimar, and Naruto picked Pikachu.

The match started and everything went great: the match was exciting and action-packed. Then, at the end, the commentator called out,

"The winners are…"

* * *

"We should have just played Russia Roulette~!" Poland sobbed out as the Ukes had to got back to Uke Manor. "My hair is going to, like, seriously give me hell tomorrow morning and—"

"SHUT UP FELIKS!"

* * *

**A/N:**

**Team Seme- 700 **

**Team Uke- 700  
**

**( 1 ) I actually use this a lot when I just have a bad day and it gets to a point where its... Ugh! **

**( 2) Once again, if you have not watched The Beatles' ****The Yellow Submarine****, GO WATCH THAT MOVIE! The Blue Meanies were actually the names of the villains in that movie.**

**( 3 ) Someone who is cute on the outside but twisted as fuck on the inside. You need more examples? Russia from Hetalia, N. Korea from Hetalia, the Vocaloid Taito Shione, I even have two Akatsuki Horror Series fics (AHS: the Konoha Tailor Shop and AHS: Loyalty) that would serve as good examples. **

**( 4 ) A type of Russian dumpling. **

**( 5 ) In the Pokemon anime, James had the most adorable Growlithe that he called Growlie. As we see here, Growlie evolved and toughened up a bit. **

**( 6 ) Okay, on Super Smash Brothers Brawl, King DeDeDe's ultimate attack (Final Smash) is actually called 'Waddle Dee Army'. But it's so stupid that on the internet it's earned the more popular name that I used in here. **

**( 7 ) My fellow Hetalia fans... Have you been watching the Hetalia dub preview clips? Personally, I'm in love with Russia, S. Italy, and Spain's voices (despite their accents). But God, China's makes me want to cry and kill somebody. **

**( 8 ) I really didn't think this until my friends and the 'The Dubspace Emissary' videos pointed it out. Because, now that you think about it... **

**( 9 ) Jaden... It kind of does. **

**I hope you enjoyed, despite that they're now tied again. (Oy...) Please review!**

**-Tyranno's girl. **


	62. Adventures in Pastries

**A/N: This chapter came from me realizing that I hadn't written an Uke adventure fic. Starts of with randomness, but gets to the main point soon enough.**

* * *

One morning in that center of lovely pink unicorns and bunnies Uke Manor…

Wait.

_Pink unicorns and bunnies?_

"POLAND!" Itachi yelled out, rushing towards the house once he saw that the repairs had stopped.

"Hm?" The blonde nation replied, as if nothing was out of the norm. "Like, what's up?"

"I should ask you that." Itachi gritted out, "What the hell are you doing to our house?" You see, Poland (after acquiring the help of Naruto, Tobi, and N. Italy) decided to do a little sprucing up around the house, seeing as how it already needed to be repaired.

This could obviously be seen via the sparkly pink, frolicking unicorns and the happy bunnies that now graced the side of the Manor.

"Ve…" N. Italy smiled, "Aren't they pretty?" Itachi wasn't even going to answer that with a sigh. But then he saw Tobi and Naruto painting a fox on the side.

"I think we should add another tail." Tobi mused.

"Hm, maybe…" Naruto hummed back. Itachi gently placed a hand on their shoulders and smiled,

"Could you hold that thought?", before he walked inside the Manor to get something. While the weasel was gone, America had come back from saying hi to (harassing) all the nations at the hotels. He took one look at the wall and called out,

"Oh my gosh, it's Robot Unicorn Attack **( 1 )**! I love that game!" Then, Itachi came back from inside, now holding a large bucket of paint-thinner. He quickly estimated where exactly he should aim before he splashed it in the center of the masterpiece; the thinner getting everywhere. "Aw…" Alfred sighed.

"Now clean this up so the repair-men can get back to work!" Itachi called out. The four poor ukes mumbled as they got to work, Poland huffing,

"My God, like, what a bitch."

"That's _Queen _Bitch to you!" Itachi smirked. Yet, he soon flinched and tried to repair what he just said, "No, wait! I mean—"

* * *

"Oh, bloody hell…" England groaned as he tried to make it to the dining hall of the hotel to find breakfast. "Why do I keep doing this to myself? I had a full seventy-hours of sobriety and I ruin it by getting into a drinking contest with the others…" He had to stop, the colors of the hall swirling for a second. "..And losing!" He groaned.

By some vague miracle, he made it and immediately ordered a cup of coffee. "Honestly, tea is better than coffee, but I just need something to clear me head." He smirked as the cashier handed him the beverage. The gentlemanly nation was about to sit down and look at the menu for something else to order when he nearly choked on his drink.

It seemed that Kisame had made his way to the dining hall earlier than anyone else. But he wasn't alone. Nokoru was there, all razor-sharp smiles as usual, and there was also a young woman accompanying them. She was very petite, had pale skin that seemed to almost shine like mist and long blue hair, wore a blue and grey dress, and smiled as she completely had the two sharks' attention all to herself.

In a flash, Arthur went back to the hall where all the semes' rooms were.

* * *

"Arthur," Russia began as England dragged him, Link, Kevin, and Lithuania (they were the only one's who weren't sleeping) back to the dining hall. "Why did you have to disturb me? I was just about to teach Toris a new game I had thought up called 'The Iron Maiden'." Lithuania mouthed out,

'Thank you…', to the blonde leading them. But Arthur kept on pulling until they were back at the dining hall. They all looked but Link was the one who asked,

"Wow! Who's the hot blue-haired chick?" Russia blinked before he walked over and called,

"Comrade!" The other semes watched as Kisame smiled and said something to Ivan that couldn't be heard, since the hall was filling up. The Mizukage introduced the woman to Russia, who nodded in understanding before offering a hand to the woman.

"What is he doing?" Kevin asked, but they watched on as Russia explained why they were here.

3… 2… 1.

"THEY THOUGHT WHAT?" Kisame and Nokoru's voices roared out.

"Well, our cover's blown." Lithuania sighed before they walked over to the table. Kisame shook his head before he smiled,

"You guys are funny, you really don't know who this is?", gesturing a hand towards the woman. Lithuania, England, Kevin, and Link shook their heads, causing Kisame to frown. "Come on, really?" After a few more moments of confusion, the woman smiled and bowed,

"My name's Mizuko. I'm Kisame's mother."

"HUH?" The four gawked out, England adding,

"You're joking right? You… and her… don't look…" Nokoru chuckled,

"Well, he got appearances from me, but…" He held a lock of Mizuko's hair to Kisame's hair, the color matching exactly, "His hair he got from her."

"But, you look so young!" Lithuania stated. Mizuko hummed,

"Yes, well living in the Mizu Union, specifically Kirigakure, that would be the case. But, I'm actually about…"

The noise in the hall got louder, blocking anyone else from hearing. But you could see the reactions on the small group of semes' faces.

"My God, you look great for your age." Kevin scratched the back of his head, kind of embarrassed that he had been acting like an idiot around this woman. The rest of the morning would seem peaceful… Well, until a waiter who had managed to hear some of the conversation, whispered to one of their co-workers,

"Wow, she's a total MILF, huh?" Kisame and Nokoru flinched before the younger called the waiter over. "Yes sirs, what can I get for you?"

"Are you a woman?" Both sharks asked.

"No… Why?"

_BAM!

* * *

_

_The Search for the Carmel-Cranberry Cake_

"Shit!" Itachi gritted out as the cake he was trying to bake turned into a burnt crisp. You see, when Itachi heard that Mizuko was coming by to visit with some of the semes, he really wanted to make something to show that he had been practicing the culinary skills she had taught him before he married Kisame.

The problem was… he hadn't.

This was actually cake attempt number six (the course ran: too raw, too hard, too flaky, too sweet, too sour) and now it was too burnt. "Itachi, give it up." Hidan huffed, drinking a cherry soda, "As long as the place is being fixed, not even France's kick-as food is going to turn out right."

"You're right." Itachi sighed, tossing the burnt mess into the already full trashcan. "But what am I going to do about Mizuko coming to visit?" As the two were talking, Count D strolled in, trying to find something edible with all the construction going on, when he found the trashcan full of ruined treats.

"Oh no!" He cried, rushing over to the trashcan, "Oh, the culinarity! Who could do such a terrible thing!"

"Alright, so I'm no Ace of Cakes **( 2 )**, give it a rest already!" Itachi yelled. Count D sniffled back some tears before he said,

"If you need a cake so badly, why didn't you have one of mine?" Just as Itachi moved to answer, Hidan yelled,

"Because he needs a specialty-cake!", before he held up the open page of the recipe book that Itachi had tried to follow, "This one!"

"Hm…" Count D read over the page, "The Caramel-Cranberry Cake? Such an odd combination…"

"Kisame's mother likes it because it was made when The Takigakure and the Kirigakure became allies. The Waterfall village is known for its caramel and the Mist village marshland is filled with cranberries, so…" Itachi explained just as Count D closed the book and handed it back to him.

"There happens to be a good bakery that deals in specialty cakes downtown. Maybe if we hurry, we can get there and back before the lady of the hour comes in." Itachi thought about it before he agreed,

"Hidan, are you coming?"

"Might as well," The albino rolled his eyes, "Sasori's been hogging up Deidara, so I don't have anything better to do. And besides, bakeries mean cherry-flavored stuff, so I'm in." There was then a yell of,

"Did someone say bakery?" They looked to see that America had crashed through the wall that the repair-men had worked so hard on fixing. "I wanna come! Can I come! Please, please, please, please~!"

"Alright!" Itachi yelled, "Just come on already!"

* * *

They were just about to leave out the door when China walked by and asked, "Where are you all going, aru?"

"None of your—" Count D tried to say but he was cut off by Itachi,

"We have to go into town and find a bakery." It was then that Yao rolled his eyes,

"If you guys are following Count D, you won't even make it to the freeway, aru. I'll come and help."

"Why you…"

"Fine." Itachi said, interrupting the Count. After grabbing the keys, they al loaded up into the bus and were about to leave when,

"Hey!" A familiar voice called from the yard, "Like, where are you guys going? I wanna come." Itachi spoke up,

"I'm not really sure you want to do that – But you're already on the bus anyway, so let's go.", he didn't even get to finish his first sentence before Feliks climbed aboard.

* * *

"Are we there yet?" America asked.

"No." Itachi responded.

"Like, how about now?" Poland asked.

"No." Itachi repeated.

"Now?" Alfred asked.

"No." Itachi stated.

"What about now?" Feliks asked.

"No." Itachi stated again, clutching into the steering wheel to keep form strangling the two blondes.

* * *

"Itachi, let me drive." Hidan asked as he moved towards the driver's seat.

"No Hidan, you have twenty-six speeding tickets under your belt. Not to mention that you've driven over enough old ladies to fill bingo night in a community center for three weeks straight.

"Come on, we just have to…" Hidan persisted, actually grabbing for the wheel.

"Hidan!" Itachi yelled out, the other ukes screaming as the bus nearly swerved off the freeway.

* * *

Itachi had regained control of the car long enough for them to get into the city. But, it only took four minutes before America shouted, "Look, there's McDonald's! Pull over, pull over!"

"No America, you already ate." Itachi sighed, "And that drive-through line is murder!"

"Come on~!" Alfred groaned, "It'll just be a couple of minutes!"

_One hour later…_

"Um, sir…" The poor cashier at McDonald's asked, "Could you repeat that again?" America sighed,

"Okay… So I wanted a Big Mac, but for the center bun, could you use the bottom of a sourdough one? And could you replace the second patty with the chicken from the chicken sandwich? Put both American and the Swiss cheese from the Angus Mushroom Swiss on it, don't give me the chopped onions, instead use the red onions from the salad. Oh, and can I get some ranch dressing please?

Next, I wanted a McFlurry, but I wanted it special: Make the first third of it McFlurry base, then hit it with equal parts of the Strawberry, Chocolate, and Vanilla shakes. And if I could get that topped with Reese's Pieces, M&Ms, and Oreo pieces, that would be great!

Oh, and don't forget to get the fresh, fresh French Fries. Like, right when they come out of the fryer. **( 3 )**"

"My God, America, would you hurry up?" Itachi yelled, and the fifty people in line behind the heroic nation shared the same sentiment. It took another thirty minutes just to finish the complicated order and Alfred took it and paid for it, as if it were nothing out of the ordinary.

* * *

"Pandas, aru!"

"Totetsus **( 4 )**!"

Itachi was really getting aggravated. If America's little stunt at the McDonalds they passed wasn't bad enough, now China and Count D were arguing over which animal was the cutest.

"Are you kidding me, aru?" China cried before pulling out a poster of a panda bear. "Look at the distinctive black and white fur, those kind, sweet eyes, and that adorable disposition, aru!" Count D brought out a scroll from the sleeve of his cheongsam and unrolled it, revealing an ink-painting of a Totetsu.

"You look at that silky fur, those strong but stubby tiger's legs, that furry face, and adorable horns! Not to mention that they are so loyal…"

"Loyal or not," Yao began, putting the poster away, "Pandas are still cuter than animals that don't even exist." Count D gasped, before he hissed,

"Take that back."

"Make me, aru." So, of course, Count D did.

The yells of Chinese curses and fighting finally made Itachi pull over and try to quell the fight. "Someone take the wheel! And you two, stop fighting! At first, the two Chinese males didn't seem to be listening. But they both glanced towards the driver's seat and screamed,

"Aiya!", in horror.

"What?" Itachi wondered, "What is it?" He looked over and screamed. Poland was driving the bus, but he was texting while he was driving. "Move you psychopath!" The weasel yelled as he shoved Feliks out of the chair.

"Ow, like, what was that for?"

"First of all, Feliks, I don't want to die! Second of all, what kind of effect do you think your recklessness will have on the readers of this story?"

**TG- Damn it all, Itachi, stop breaking the Fourth Wall!

* * *

**

They had finally, finally gotten to the street where the bakery was located. "We'll have to walk from here, I'm afraid." Count D sighed out.

"Great, walking," Hidan complained, "This wasn't part of the deal, Itachi!"

"Shut up and get to stepping Hidan." Itachi gritted out, just wanting to get this misadventure over with. Suddenly,

"Like, OMG!" Poland rushed over to a nearby merchandise stand.

"What is it now, Feliks?" Itachi groaned. Poland picked up something and turned around, showing a pair of pink sunglasses.

"Well, what do you think?"

"Gaudy as all fuck!" Hidan stated. But Feliks smiled,

"Perfect," before paying them vendor.

* * *

"Count D, please tell me this is the place!" Itachi yelled as they made it to a bakery named Bittersweet. They had actually passed five other bakeries, so Itachi was really hoping that this was the right one.

"As a matter of fact," Count D smiled, "It is."

They all walked in and were greeted by the group of attractive young male bakers that worked there. "Good afternoon, gorgeous!" The owner called out before he rushed over and took Itachi's hand, kissing it gently. "And how can we help you and your fine friends this shining day?" Itachi snapped his hand back before bringing out the cookbook and showing him the picture,

"I need a cake like this. ASAP."

"Hm… Caramel-Cranberry? You usually don't see that outside of the Mizu Union." But the owner smiled, "But I think we can help you out. I had an order for that cake yesterday, but I made an extra just in case something happened." He opened the counter and gestured, "If you would follow me."

They all walked down into the depths of the bakery until they reached a certain room. "This room is the special room where we keep all of our completed cakes until their customers can come and take them home." He opened the door and immediately Itachi's eyes widened as he gasped,

"Oh my God, a giant rock **( 5 )**!" There was a massive stone slab keeping the fridge-like room safe. "I don't believe what I'm seeing!" Itachi was still flabbergasted, as he walked over and ran his fingers along the engravings of the stone, "It's a rock… and it's giant! Do… Do the Russian's know about this?"

"Yes," The owner began, "This is our special fridge. And it requires a sacred dance to open it. And you all have to perform it… To the special music of course."

* * *

"Is it me, or does this 'sacred dance' look a lot like the 'Hare Hare Yukai'?" Itachi asked as they kept dancing anyway. They didn't know that one of the bakers was recording the whole thing on his phone,

"YouTube, here I come!" He whispered. When the song ended, the door did move and the owner was able to get them the cake.

"There you are, free of charge." Itachi wanted to question the generosity, but he saw the clock and immediately yelled,

"Come on, we have to go!", as he rushed everyone back to the bus.

* * *

"Phew, we made it back just in time." Itachi sighed as he sat the cake on the table back at Uke Manor. The brunette had thrown everything the DMV had to say into a paper-shredder and blown that up as he sped back like a bat out of hell.

Just then, there was a knock on the reconstructed doorway that led to the kitchen. "Hello, Itachi? My extremely beautiful daughter-in-law~?"

"In here Mizukage-donno." He called out. Mizuko walked in before playfully tapping Itachi on the head,

"How many times do I have to say it, Itachi, I'm not the Mizukage anymore. Either call me Mizuko or Okaa-san or even Haha **(TG- Both are used to say 'mother', but haha is on a more personal level. Weird, isn't it?)**." Itachi smiled,

"Okay then, Okaa-san." Mizuko beamed a bit before she looked at the table.

"Is that a Caramel-Cranberry Cake?" Itachi was looking for something to drink for the woman, not knowing that Mizuko had already cut a piece from the cake and was tasting away. The brunette turned and gasped,

"No! Don't eat that!" But Mizuko pouted,

"Oh, it's Takigakuran-style."

"Excuse me?" Itachi's eyebrow twitched, but Mizuko went on,

"Itachi, you couldn't possibly have made this cake, didn't the book I gave you teach how to make it Kirigakuran-style. There should be more cranberries than caramel, not vice-versa." Her smile went down a notch when she saw Itachi frowning,

"After all that hell I went through… Are you fucking serious?"

"Itachi, we're going to be late for the picnic that the semes planned." The weasel smiled softly,

"Of course. I just… remembered something I have to take care of later." Mizuko blinked before she said,

"Alright then, just make sure to take care of your hands after clutching onto that counter so hard. It could give your beautiful hands the most awful splinters.", referring to how harshly Itachi was clutching onto the counter.

* * *

**A/N: **

**( 1 ) Yet another game I haven't played. I've heard that it's awesome. **

**( 2 ) Awesome show! The cake show that started them all! Chef Duff, you're awesome! **

**( 3 ) Has anyone ever tried this and not gotten kicked out of the restaurant? **

**( 4 ) A Chinese mythical ****creature that possessed the head of a human, the body of a sheep or cow, the horn of a goat, eyes on the side of his chest, a tiger's teeth, the nails of a man, and it made sounds similar to that of crying human babies when walking. For a cuter version, see T-chan from 'Petshop of Horrors'. **

**( 5 ) Once again, shout outs to 'Yu-Gi-Oh! Abridged'. **

**Please Review! **

**-Tyranno's girl.**


	63. Ichibanme Ame

The Semes had just finished moving their furniture back into the Estate. The repairs to both houses had been completed in record time it was just that, in return, the team mates had to move the furniture back in. "And that was the last of…" There was the sound of rolling thunder in the distance. As if on auto-pilot, Kisame walked outside. The skies were thick with gray and black clouds. He held up a hand and, a heartbeat later, a cold droplet fell in it. "It's raining." He smiled.

"The first natural rainfall for Domino City this year **(TG- And we mean **_**natural**_**, non-provoked. So the one in the Kiriball chapter didn't count.)**." Zane stated, hurrying up to get inside. Kisame blinked before he rushed inside and began rummaging around the kitchen for something.

"Um…" Kakashi began, "What are you looking for?"

"I need something to catch water in!"

"How about a bucket?", Christophe offered, but Kisame huffed,

"No, it has to be a bowl!", and kept on searching until, "Aha!", he found a crystal bowl and rushed out with it. The Mizukage sat the bowl down on the pathway by the door and let the rain drip into it. The bluenette looked to his side and smiled again.

Kakuzu was out collecting the rainwater too.

* * *

On the balcony outside of their hotel room, Pein had an orange glass bowl collecting the water and Konan had a periwinkle one. Whereas Pein just sat down, enjoying the natural rain, Konan stood by him with her eyes closed and her hands clasped together as she whispered a song from her childhood that was made for these occaisions.

* * *

At Uke Manor (now that it was fixed just in the nick of time), Itachi set out a ceramic bowl and was really tempted to go to Seme Estate. However, there was a knock at the door that distracted him from doing so.

* * *

Iruka had placed a bowl out on his windowsill and waited for the rain to fill it up. "And judging from the look of it, it won't be long." He smiled as the cool drops fall, cleansing the earth.

* * *

"Would you all come on?" Mizuki called out to the other Akatsuki children. He was supervising them as they pushed a large basin out into the yard to collect the rain-water. After that was done, Hun laughed as he ran out into the yard, jumping in the forming puddles. He even made a little game of trying to catch some of the drops, but they instantly evaporated upon hitting his skin. "Oh…" Hun sighed, exhaling a bit of smoke from his nose.

* * *

"Hey Ivan?" Kisame asked as the two were readjusting one of the main room's couches.

"Da?"

"Who was your first? This is just out of extremely random boredom and you don't even have to answer if you don't want to." Russia was quiet before he stated,

"The Mongolian Empire…"

"Really?" Kisame asked and just when he was about to ask something else, he saw Russia's frame shivering. "Oh… So he was the one on..?"

"Yes." Kisame was quiet and gulped when Ivan brought out his pipe, running it through his fingers and muttering,

"Kol kol kol kol…" For a few moments, everyone was quiet but Russia went back to his normal (Normal?) self and stated, "I am better now. And yours?" Kisame thought back for a second, counting on his fingers until he smirked,

"Raiga~" The thunder swordsman flinched before a heavy blush appeared on his face and he fumed,

"Hoshigaki Kisame! Don't you dare tell that story!" Kisame merely smiled before singing,

"_Ichibanme... _

_Ichibanme... _

_Mothers, go and hide your daughters... _

_The night when boys become men, _

_And when girls begin to flower..."_

"Kisame!" Raiga began crying, Zabuza even had to walk over and say,

"Just tell the story already, Raiga will cry either way."

"Yeah, you're probably right. Well... It was the year that I turned fifteen, actually..."

* * *

"Ne! Kisame!" A girlish voice cried out, rousing a young teen from his sleep, "Wake up, would ya?" With a groan, messy blue shot out from under silken covers. Actually, the whole room was actually pretty nice.

Not that anyone would see it, seeing as how it was located in the mansion's second basement.

Yes, you read mansion.

"It should be a sin how his voice can reach even here." Even as a teenager, this one was already growing handsome, fiercely so. He still had ocean-blue skin and those signature gills on his face. He stood up from his bed, standing taller than most of the boys his age in the village. "Raiga-chan?", he yawned. He couldn't see the other, they were actually talking through the laundry chute. The girlish voice spoke again,

"What are you still in bed for? Haven't you seen what it's like outside?" Kisame blinked before he laid his head close to the chute and listened.

"…" He was quiet before he smiled, sharp teeth shining, "Wow! It's raining!"

"First rain of the season! You know what that means?", Raiga's voice chimed down.

"The Ichibanme Ame Festival!"

* * *

The Ichibanme Ame Festival, literally 'The First Rain Festival', is a tradition in the water-based villages. Upon receiving the first rainfall of the year, it was customary to put out containers to collect the rain water for special occaisions. The first rains in these areas was so pure that it was said it even competed with Holy Water in cleanliness.

Another thing that was part of this tradition was the Festival itself. It would start from the hour that the rains started, with music, celebrations, food and games, and last the whole night. Which was probably why part of the Ichibanme (if you were a young adult) was staying up with your friends, drinking and, if you were lucky, losing your virginity.

It was often said in Kirigakure that 'Virginity, like the purity of the Ichibanme Rains, was fleeting.'

* * *

"Come on, would you?" Raiga pouted and whined (like a girl) as he dragged Kisame out of the house. "I want to buy the Ichibanme gelatin before they run out this year!"

"You really love that stuff, don't you?" Kisame smiled as he brought out his own container for the rain: it was shaped like a kappa, strangely enough. "We'll head to the Festival after we pick up Zabuza." He then frowned at the thought of Zabuza's mother Nobuko (who was also Kisame's aunt). "And when I say 'we' pick up Zabuza, I mean 'you'."

"Fine, fine. Hurry up!"

* * *

After three swift knocks, the door opened revealing a stern-looking young woman with pressed black hair opened it. "Oh, it's the village transvestite." Raiga flinched. What, just because he tied his hair with ribbons, wore bright-colored clothes, and always played the role of the girl in their infiltration missions didn't mean a thing!

"Hello there Nobuko-san. Happy Ichibanme..." Raiga gritted out a smile. "Is Zabuza-kun available to come out?"

"Hmph..." Nobuko frowned before she turned and yelled, "Zabuza! Get your sorry ass out here and hang out with your fairy of a friend here!" Raiga slightly trembled in fury, but he held it back. A moment later, a teen version of Zabuza (sans the bandages) and a little girl that looked like a cute version of Nobuko.

"Happy Ichibanme." Zabuza sighed, perfecting the tone of an emo-jerk-teenager (think Pre-Shippuden Sasuke... A much hotter pre-Shippuden Sasuke...), before he turned and huffed, "I'm going out."

"Don't come back!" Nobuko huffed back, taking her daughter from the two males she despised so much.

"Bye Nii-sana!" **(TG- And, yes, that is spelt correctly for her, being such a little girl.)** The girl called back as she was dragged away by her mother, "Say hi to Kisame-nii for me!"

"Don't say the name of that shark-bastard in my house." When the door shut on them, Zabuza actually smiled and, despite the shark teeth **(TG- Which, if you ask me, are still pretty hot.)**, he was a handsome teen.

"So, where's my cousin?"

* * *

"So, what are we doing at the festival this year?" Zabuza asked as the three teens were busy getting into their festival clothes. Raiga was trying to put his hair up with a pair of lightening shaped pins when he replied,

"Buy Ichibanme gelatin, play some games, win a couple of goldfish, and then watch the fireworks." Zabuza was just about done with his yukata so he called over,

"Kisame, are you done yet?"

"Give me a second, would ya?" Kisame huffed back, too busy tying a scarf to cover his face.

No one in the village wanted to see him, he was the Mizukage' bastard-son, and a monster at that. So, as much as it pained her to, Mizuko had to have her son wear this scarf anytime he wandered the village. "How do I look?" He chuckled, it being a bit muffled.

Raiga wrapped his sunset-colored and designed kimono around himself and looked at Kisame in his black yukata (anything not to attract attention). "You should wear better colors."

"You idiot," Zabuza scoffed as he tied up his embroidered, silver yukata, "You know why he can't do that."

"I was just saying…" Raiga pouted, fussing with the obi. "Damn it! Why won't it..?"

"Here, let me help." Kisame smiled as he helped to tie to obi in a pretty bow. "There we go." Then he cheered, "Onward to the Ichibanme Festival!"

* * *

"No~!" Raiga sobbed. They had finally arrived at the Festival, but all the Ichibanme gelatin was sold out.

"Sorry kid, try again next year.", the vendor stated before taking his cart away.

"Damn it all to hell!" Raiga fumed, "This always happens!"

"Well, that's that." Zabuza muttered, "Come on, let's play some games."

* * *

"Strike one!" The vendor at a lily-pad game called.

Zabuza, who was trying to get a bean-bag frog into one of the lily-pads and failing miserably, growled and tossed another one.

"Strike two!"

"Come on, I want that over-stuffed rabbit that probably cost three cents to make!" Zabuza yelled as he flung his last frog…

"Strike three, you're out!"

"Fuck!" Zabuza yelled, "That's the last of my money!" Raiga sighed,

"This year's Ichibanme isn't turning out that great…" Abruptly, Kisame's voice called back,

"Guys! Look what I managed to get!" Raiga and Zabuza looked and saw their friend holding a large-stuffed bunny and a small bowl of sparkling red gelatin.

"Kisame Hoshigaki, you sly dog." Zabuza laughed as he took the rabbit, "How'd you manage to pull this off?" Kisame handed Raiga the gelatin before he replied,

"They might not like me, but they'll accept my money!" They all nodded before Raiga took his first bite. He sighed,

"Oh God, it's bliss…"

"Speaking of bliss," Zabuza smirked before he dug into his sleeves and brought out a bottle of premium saké. "Look what I managed to sneak out."

"Wow!"

"How much did that send your mother back?" Kisame asked, Zabuza replying,

"Don't know. Don't care. Let's go get wasted so we can watch the fireworks."

* * *

* gulp, gulp, gulp * "Ah!" Raiga exhaled after downing some saké, cheeks already rosy with drunkenness, "Ha ha! And that's why I'm the swan~!"

"You certainly are flying like one." Zabuza slurred out drowsily. "Ooh, I'm sleepy." They were all in a secluded area, surrounded by trees, waiting for the show to start.

"Don't fall asleep yet!" Kisame laughed, "The fireworks are going to start soon!"

The waters were quiet until the first flower of light erupted in the air. "Here we go!" Kisame laughed, his friends on either side of him.

The explosions filled the sky in a decorative field of dancing lights: roaring vermillions, calming aquas, refreshing viridians, and brilliant golds. "Wow…" Kisame watched on in awe. "Mother makes them better every year." He looked to his side and saw Zabuza sleeping. "Oh great, carrying him home is going to be so much –"

"Kisame."

"Hm?" Kisame turned just in time to see Raiga fall into him, arms wrapped around his shoulders and soft, cranberry-tasting lips pressed against his own. 'What the hell?' Kisame thought. He didn't push the smaller teen away from him though, instead, he waited until Raiga pulled away. As Raiga sat between his legs, Kisame licked his own lips and observed, "Wow, that gelatin is strong."

"Kisame, it's Ichibanme." Raiga looked down, eyes glazed over with that certain something, before he added, "You know what I want from you." Kisame blinked before he smirked before he began to pull at the obi.

"I don't know." The shark-like teen began, watching intensely as the kimono fell away, exposing tanning skin. "Why don't you tell me." Raiga smiled before he began,

"I want you… to f—"

* * *

"Damn you!" Raiga yelled as he rushed for the Mizukage, clenching his hands around Kisame's neck, the bluenette laughing all the way. Zabuza smirked,

"Thanks again for doing that while I was sleeping, like, three feet away."

"Not another word, you hear me! Not one more word!", Raiga screamed.

"But you liked it!" Raiga began to cry again, tightening his grip until there was a voice from the doorway. The semes all looked over and saw Nokoru, dripping from head to toe.

"What in God's name are you doing inside? There's a full-fledged rainstorm outside!"

* * *

"Banzai!" Kisame yelled out as he and Itachi and Mizuki jumped into a large puddle, sending water flying everywhere.

_It's amazing how something as simple as rain can bring people together._

"_I'm singing in the rain…_" Alfred began as he spun around in the frigid shower. "Man, I haven't done something like this since I was a kid!"

_How can something so gentle bring so many things to light._

All around, members of both teams were dancing around in the rain.

Link and Sheik were sitting on a bench, both playing the Song of Storms. What a better time to play it, right?

Greece rushed by Turkey and kicked some water into his face. "Ya little brat!" Sadiq yelled. But Heracles simply stuck out his tongue and rushed off, his lover chasing after him.

"Darn zis rain…" Christophe pouted, "I weel not be able to deeg a decent tunnel for a week." But Gregory smiled, rubbing the mercenary's hair,

"More time to spend with me, love."

Even the Bad Touch Trio (Prussia, France, Spain) got into the spirit of things. "Kesesese! You guys know what all this rain means, right?" The other two nodded before they cheered,

"We're going streaking!"

"The hell you are!" Canada, England, and S. Italy yelled before they could start to remove their clothes.

* * *

After a while, the rains were beginning to lessen. It was then that Mizuko, her dress and hair drenched in rain, announced,

"Looks like I should get started on dinner!" There were cheers from all around before she added, "I'll be making all of your favorites like Alligator Pie, Storm stew, and, best of all, Ichibanme gelatin!"

"God bless you Mizuko-donno!" Raiga sobbed in cheer. Mizuko giggled before she called out to Nokoru,

"Alright, bring them to the kitchen!" Kisame's father could be seen carrying a crate of cranberries and two bottles of sake, while he corralled an alligator, a boar, a quail, and cow into the kitchen. Mizuko giggled again, bringing out a kunai before she said, "Could you all stay out here for a moment?", then walked inside.

It was quiet before a din of noise from all the animals rose into the air, then stopped again.

"Alright, the coast is clear!" Mizuko chimed, walking out of the kitchen with her dress stained in blood.

* * *

**A/N: **

**This fic was actually inspired because on wednesday, out of nowhere, it started raining. And God, everybody at my mom's job (yours truly included) was so happy. It had been 110 degrees, for Christ's sake!  
**

**And you got to see a bit of Kisa's teenage-hood. Yay. **

**Please review. **

**-Tyranno's girl. **


	64. Charades of Ice

**A/N: Wow, I have not had an A/N in ages. But this one is kind of important. First and foremost, I apologize for not posting last week, I really do. It's just that last week I started college again and, well, you know that song and dance if you've followed any of my other fics. God I'm so tired~! **

**But yeah, here's the important part. Seeing as how school is just screwing up my schedule, I'm planning on having this fic and 'The Legend of Hoshi: Metronome of Time' finished by my birthday (it's in October). That means that, whew, I have a lot to do... Because I have the fics, the celebration-fic for this fic (which is coming along very well, if not incredibly slowly...), then the end of fic-fic for LOH, and also people have requested fanart of the kids fro this fic, so yeah! **

**But enough of my planned (which is emphasised on 'plan') schedule. Enjoy the chapter.

* * *

**

"Hello Domino City!" The commentator shouted out to the audience. Where was the jeu de jour (game of the day) taking place this time?

Why, with its ability to reach frigid temperatures and large seating, Freezing Beast Skating Rink, of course. And those incredible inventors, Phineas and Ferb, had found a way to make sure that the freezers for the rink wouldn't cop out due to the heat.

"This is horribly embarrassing." General Winter huffed as he was forced to stand in the corner (although, can a circle have corners?) of the rink. Today there were to be two events played out. The first would be...

"Hockey!"

"YES!" Canada screamed in joy, happy that this was now a time for him to shine. The teams were made and, while the event-coordinators were making sure that the ice was steady and smooth, Kisame picked up a hockey stick and asked Russia,

"So... how does this game work exactly?"

"You have to get the puck in the goal." Ivan responded. So Kisame tried to do just that. He picked up the hockey puck, skated over to one of the goals, and then dropped the puck in.

"Like that?" He called back, causing the small group to sigh. But then,

"Do not worry my friends!" Ivan smiled, "I have already secured our victory!"

"And you did this..." Germany began, "How?" As if on cue, they looked over to the uke side of the arena and saw Canada looking around with a worried expression on his face.

"Kumamara? Kumawaka! Kumakiri? Kumakiba!" **( 1 )** He called out, looking for something. The team of semes looked to Russia, just to have him smile.

"Just know that I took care of it, da?"

"Oh Lord..." Kisame frowned.

Meanwhile with the ukes, Itachi finally had to walk over from his nice, comfy, warm seat to see what the hell was wrong with the meek nation. "Matthew! Williams!" He yelled in between shakes, "What the! Hell is! Wrong with! You?" After a moment, Canada gulped and whined,

"I can't find Kumakamitchi anywhere!"

"The damn bear?" Itachi yelled, "He's probably sleeping somewhere. But _you _have a game to play!" Matthew shook his head,

"But I never go into a Hockey match without a good luck speech from Kumarama!" (Even though most of those speeches were along the lines of, 'who the hell are you again?' But we won't mention that now...)

"Matthew..." Itachi seethed. "Would you get out there and play the damn game?"

"But-!" A stern look from the weasel set Canada on his way, quietly whining about missing his bear. The teams went out like this:

Team Seme-

Kisame ("Comrade, are you sure that you would not rather sit this one out?" "Huh? Why?" "..." "..." "Never mind.")

Russia ("Comrade..." "Yeah?" "May I ask what are you doing with the hockey stick?" "Oh, well, I was just trying to see if Maple wood tasted like Maple syrup." "..." "..." "Well?" "Well, what?" "Does it?")

Stan ("Why am I here again?" "Because you're a natural-born athlete!" "Damn these wonderful muscles of mine!")

Kevin ("Yeah, let's play some sports!")

Sasuke ("Why am _I _here?" "Would you rather us leave you at the mercy of your fangirls?" "...No.")

Christophe ("I find eet unfair zat just because I am from Canada, you all assume zat I am good at Hockey." "Well, aren't you?" "...Shut up.")

Team Uke-

Canada ("Kumasamabaka~? Where are you, eh~?")

America ("Yeah, let's play some Hockey! Because it's so American!" "It's Canadian, Alfred." "What? Canadian? What's that?" "...Damn you...")

Sonic ("Come on guys, let's step it- Agh!" "Thank you Russia!")

Kyle ("Why do we play so many games here?")

Jaden ("Yeah, this is going to be awesome! Time to get your game o- Agh!" "Thank you Russia!")

Gregory ("Alright chaps, let's get this game on the road!")

The two groups skated onto the rink and, just as the puck was about to be dropped, Russia called over, "Canada... I think that I have the answer to your... predicament?" Matthew blinked before he asked,

"Do you know where Kumakumquat is?" Everyone trembled slightly as Ivan chuckled before whistling into the audience. Then,

"Mr. Braginski... Why do we have to do this?" The people on the rink turned and saw the Baltic Trio (Lithuania, Estonia, and Latvia, a.k.a. Russia's slaves numbers 1, 2, 3) carrying a cage that contained...

"Kumakamatchi!" Canada cried at the sight of his loyal pet caged up at the mercy of Russia's minions. Yet, Kumajirou looked around in a daze before he asked,

"Where the hell am I again?"

"So, you will surrender now, da?" Russia smiled, Kisame sighing,

"Isn't this kind of a low blow?"

"I do not care."

But rather than try to surrender, Canada silently picked up his hockey stick. The blonde was unnervingly quiet before he whispered, "You kidnapped my bear... You kidnapped my bear..." America gulped as he saw how tense his brother was getting,

"Um... Mattie? I-"

"YOU KIDNAPPED MY FUCKING POLAR BEAR!" Canada yelled out, slamming his hockey-stick against the floor. "Alright, you made this personal, eh! Come get some!"

"Um..." Ivan gulped as the game started, "I don't think this is turning out like I had planned..."

* * *

"Kumasaka!" Canada chimed as he once again hugged the polar bear in his arms, said bear murmuring,

"Who the heck are you?" The commentator gulped before she stated,

"Team Uke... Wins...", then the camera panned over to the seme team, all in a neat pile of pain and suffering.

"Ow...Ze pain..." Christophe groaned in agony. "I don't zink zat arms are supposed to twist zis way." Kisame whined,

"Ivan, why did you have to steal the bear? Why?"

**Team Seme- 700 **

**Team Uke- 750

* * *

**

"Okay, while the rest of the poor unfortunate bastards- I mean- those who competed in the last event are being tended to by our resident doctors Dr. Mario and Thailand, we shall prepare for our next event."

"Alright Ferb, I think that I nice once-over with the floor-buffer will do it." The orange-haired teen mused to his brother before the green-haired male walked over to get said buffer. Phineas was looking everything over before a voice chimed,

"Hi Phineas." Phineas turned and saw his girlfriend Isabella (not the blonde daughter of Germany and N. Italy, the cute brunette chick that Phineas should really give more attention to). "Whatcha doin'?"

"Oh, hi Isabella. Me and Ferb have just been helping out with the Seme Uke Games. Sorry for missing out on our date."

"It's okay.", the brunette girl scout-leader smiled, "I knew that you probably had something important to do."

* * *

"_DAMN YOU, PHINEAS!" Isabella yelled as she was trying to pull a plush of her boyfriend to pieces in retaliation of him missing their date.

* * *

_

"So, like I said, it's okay." She smiled, one of her eyebrows twitching a little. Phineas shrugged and was about to say something when Ferb gave him the signal to tell the commentator to start the next round.

"Thanks guys! Took you damn long enough..." The commentator hummed before she said, "The next event is that incredibly manly sport known as... figure-skating!"

"Ha! Figure-skating?" Hidan laughed, "You've got to be shitting me!"

"I know, gayest sport ever, am I right?" America laughed along with the albino. Yet, abruptly Russia and Canada yelled,

"THERE IS NOTHING MORE MANLY THAN FIGURE-SKATING!" When the two left, Alfred explained,

"They still have issues about the Winter Olympics..."

As you can pretty much guess, the last event of the day was figure-skating and the two chosen competitors were Russia and Canada (you know, being two of most frigid nations in the history of ever). Canada was dressed in his military uniform (complete with goggles) and was skating over to the center of the rink when Itachi asked, "Matthew, what song did you choose anyway?"

"Oh!" He smiled, "Well, the song I chose was..."

"Let me guess, un..." Deidara smiled, "Something by Celine Dion?" Canada groaned,

"No."

"'Baby' by Justin Bieber?" Tobi asked.

"Oh, GOD, no!" Matthew gave a violent shudder of disgust before he went for a test run around the ice. At the judges table, the commentator brought one of her loyal cameramen over to the judges table before she asked,

"So what will you three be looking for during this event?"

"Well," Finland began, "In addition to the competitors skills, we'll be judging them on song selection, presentation, and theatrical merit." Then he turned to the other two judges, "Isn't that right you two?"

"Meh." Shuichi and Bayonetta replied, both too busy updating their Twitters. When the test run was done, Canada, after taking a red and white megaphone out of nowhere, gave a thumbs up that he was ready.

"Alright, everybody, give it up for Canada!" The whole audience cheered, America holding up a sign that read 'You can do it Mattie!', Ben held up one that read 'Go Team!', and Itachi held up a sign (decorated with skulls and crossbones that read 'Either come home a winner or don't come home at all.' Matthew nodded and sighed as a slow piano started up. The blonde slowly moved to the center of the ring, calming lyrics drifting from the rink's stereo system.

_No... _

_No way I'll accept defeat  
Even though this love is destroying me..._

He then yelled along the next note into the megaphone,

_Aah~!_

Before he skated off into a s-curve and ended that with a spinning jump into the air. Everyone cheered at that part alone and had to be told to shut up before the music and the young nation continued.

_Sickly grey clouds travel across the sky, hiding the light...  
Once the sunset was vivid,  
But now all that's left is a sky with no more colours..._

Matthew stopped his graceful movements to sing along,

_Aah, the world continues to blur...  
Even so, I will fight to love you..._

When the next bout of lyrics came, he was skating over to one of the walls of the rink; graceful and quiet as the snow that graced his country.

_Predictable, there's nothing I can do about it,  
Many questions and no answers~!_

Matthew stopped all of a sudden, so did the music, and it almost seemed as though something was wrong. But, all of a sudden, Canada looked forward with fierceness in his eyes and the music resumed,

_What a fool I can be!_

_Let us fight this war of love!  
In a lonely battlefield!_

Matthew rushed forward before he jumped into a triple salchow. **(**_**Ding!**_** N****amed for its originator ****Ulrich Salchow****, it's an edge jump. It takes off from a back inside edge and lands on the back outside edge of the opposite foot. **_**The more you know~!)**_

_I'll destroy that other girl I always see with you!  
The outcomes of love are the same as a disease,  
But selfishly I want to infect your pure heart_

In a fit of inherent rage, Canada took the megaphone he had and smashed it against the floor in the center of the rink. The blonde solemnly moved over to the carnage, lyrics going...

_I tried shouting out loud but my megaphone, it was broken...  
Patching it together, pretend its my heart_

Matthew tried to pick up some of the pieces of the ruined megaphone, but after it proved useless he skated away, weaving a chain in the ice.

_One day, you'll hear my love screaming..._

_Aah, the sky is clear blue today...  
When its like that it doesn't suit the situation..._

Clutching at his chest, he skated an intricate design into the ice below.

_I can't hold on, my emotions are disappearing,  
Many questions and no answers..._

Canada stopped his movements again, just long enough for a camera to pan over the ice for a bird's-eye view, showing the design of a Maple leaf inside of a broken heart.

_I am weakening, but I still have the strength to say...  
_

The blonde took a chance to breath before...

_I LOVE YOU!_

_Keep fighting this war of love~!  
Breaking down my heart~!  
There's no more time to change my mind and run away!_

This is when things went a bit awry. Matthew was trying to jump into a triple spin and land while spinnign two more times. He made the triple spin... But when he tried to land, he, unfortunately, slipped. He caught himself almost immediately after he fell, but the beef was still on camera.

_I'll take up the chance to get you to notice me  
Yet why does that other girl always get in my way?_

_This time I will intercept!  
But the war situation is still disadvantageous!_

He tried to make up for that slip up by rushing into a quadruple spin as the song was ending,

_Oh how blind love can be  
All I need is a gentle kiss to heal me..._

He stopped his spin and ended it all with a kiss towards the audience, the uproar of cheers signaling the audience's enjoyment. Matthew skated over to a small area in front of the judges table, where they noticed something was off.

"Matthew," Finland smiled softly, "Are you crying?" Canada wiped at his eyes and apologized,

"I'm sorry, it's just an emotional song for me, eh." After he calmed down, he asked, "Please, continue." Finland hummed for a minute before he smiled,

"I loved the emotion in your performance! I give it a ten!" Shuichi then jumped in with,

"_Ba-da-ba-ba-ba~_, I was seriously lovin' it! 10!" Then all eyes went to Bayonetta. The witch frowned a bit before she held up a sign with an eight on it.

"You heartless bitch!" Itachi and America yelled at the same time.

* * *

Next up, Ivan (after a high-five from his good friend Kisame) skated into the rink, wearing what looked like a war-torn wedding tuxedo. He was executing a test-run when, "Watch yourself, you almost-" General Winter was interrupted when Ivan came to a halting stop, spraying him with ice.

"I am sorry, what was that?" He chuckled, a malicious grin on his face as he skated off and gave a signal to start the music.

"Alright, give it up for Russia!" After the audience's cheers died down before the music started with familiar lyrics belting out of the stereos,

_Take a breath, take it deep._

_"Calm yourself," he says to me..._

Ivan was slowly drifting across the rink, nothing special, as if he was waiting for teh music to get to a certain point.

_If you play, you play for keeps..._

_Take the gun... _

When Russia took a gun out from his coat pocket, there was a rush of screams from the audience as people ducked and ran for cover. Ivan silently shook his head before beginning to skate again. And count to three

_I'm sweating now, moving slow_

_No time to think, my turn to go... _

Ivan immediately gathered speed before he jumped up a few feet in the air, spinning once before landing into a graceful movement.

_And you can see my heart beating..._

_You can see it through my chest..._

Despite the many, horrible names he had earned over the centuries, Ivan moved over the ice like an angel. Everyone watched in awe as Russia moved like the dancers that he was so well know for.

_Said I'm terrified, but I'm not leaving_

_I know that I must pass this test_

_So just pull the trigger..._

He did cause some more screams when he aimed the firearm he held towards the audience and pretended to shoot. He chuckled again before continuing his routine.

_Say a prayer to yourself..._

_He says, "Close your eyes, sometimes it helps"..._

Actually closing his eyes, Russia continued to skate across the icy plain; jumping at random intervals, carving a figure-eight, a bear's head, and an eagle into the frigid surface.

_And then I get a scary thought_

_That he's here means he's never lost..._

_And you can see my heart... beating~!_

_Oh, you can see it through my chest..._

_Said I'm terrified, but I'm not leaving..._

_Know that I must pass this test..._

_So just pull the trigger! _

Russia aimed straight up and quickly shot out all of the lights, bathing the room in darkness. The audience shrieked, despite the music still going. Phineas actually called to his brother, "Ferb, turn on the under-ice lighting!" When the back-up lights had been activated, along with random people turning on emergency flashlights, you could see Ivan's blades still moving against the ice. Sometimes sparks appeared, he was so intense in his movements.

_As my life flashes before my eyes,_

_I'm wondering will I ever see another sunrise?_

_So many won't get the chance to say goodbye,_

_But it's too late to think of the value of my life!_

_And you can see my heart beating_

_Oh, you can see it through my chest!_

_Said I'm terrified, but I'm not leaving, no_

_Know that I must pass this test... _

_You can see my heart... _

And then Ivan did something that pissed Canada and every figure-skater who was watching the event wherever they were the hell off. He went into a full-fledged spin, not stopping at one... or two...

_Beating!_

_Oh, you can see it through my chest~!_

_I'm terrified, but I'm not leaving, no_

_Know that I must pass this test... _

Russia finally broke from the spin after rotation number twelve, not looking the least bit dazed, just in time to hold the gun he had to his own head.

So just pull the trigger...

He looked around, taking in the unsteady gasps before he aimed and shot at the ice below him, shattering it instantly and taking out the rest of the lights.

* * *

After the lights had been repaired, Russia skated in front of the judges and waited for his results. Finland coughed nervously before starting,

"I give it..." Russia gave one of his infamous 'I'm going to kill you and bury in a pile of snow so deep that no one will find you until the beginning of World War V'-smiles, causing Tino to yelp, "Ah! A ten!" Then it was Shuichi's turn... to be subjected to Ivan's smile of doom.

"I... also give it a ten! Awesome!" Finally, it was Bayonetta's turn. Rather... Time for a staring contest! _**(Ding!**_** Or, you could add in some of the Pokemon battle music and make this an epic battle...)**

Ivan used glare! "..."

It had no effect.

Bayonetta used glare! "..."

It had no effect. **(Your mom had no effect! Oh! Fail...)**

Ivan used glare! "..."

It had no effect.

Ivan used bribe! "I have money."

"I give him a ten." Bayonetta smirked, causing Matthew to yell,

"OH, JUST FUCK ME WITH GILBERT'S LEGENDARY FIVE METERS!" Team Seme meanwhile were having a celebration with their victor. After a moment, though, Russia gulped,

"Comrade... I think... That I am... going to be... ill..." Kisame laughed,

"Yeah, a stunning victory can do that to you!" Yet, Ivan violently shook his head.

"Nyet, I mean after all those spins, I-!" He clapped his hands over his mouth before he rushed over to the nearest area, which happened to be Poland's purse. Not even taking into account the blonde's whines, Russia completely unloaded the contents of his stomach into the handbag.

"You jerk!" Feliks groaned, holding his now-ruined bag, "That was a limited-edition Louis-Vuitton!"

* * *

**A/N: **

**Team Seme- 750 **

**Team Uke- 750 **

**( 1 ) For those of you who haven't hopped onto the ****Hetalia**** bandwagon (though I don't know why...), Canada has a pet polar bear and the two of them can't remember each other's names to save their lives.**

**TG- Damn you, over-sized novelty coin that I switched to for deciding the outcomes of theses matches! **

**And, FYI, the songs used were the piano version of 'Love is War' by Miku Hatsune and 'Russian Roulette' by Rihanna (I don't care what anyone says, I like these songs). **

**Please review!**


	65. Happy Early Halloween!

**You need the music to go along with this chapter, I will not stress that enough. So...**

**http:/ www(.)youtube(.)com/ watch? v=u4t0vk Wwfdo (Song number one)**

**http:/ www(.)youtube(.)com/ watch? v=MfDVM SUM83k (Song number two, which I personally think is better. Oh, and remember to remove the parentheses and spaces and such). **

**This is really a Halloween dedication chapter, so... Enjoy!

* * *

**

"Alright people!" Kisame called out to everyone in Seme Estate, "Due to our sponsors falling in love with music-themed challenges, we have another one coming up."

"Great, let me put on my dancing shoes..." Kakuzu rolled his eyes as the team-captain was relaying the latest event to them. Kisame frowned but as he read on, he smirked,

"But here's the thing, they've given us the red light to go all out on this one!"

"And that means..?" Zane gave a 'go on' motion with his hand and a look in his eyes that said 'just drop the bomb already'. And when all the other semes in the room adopted the same look, Kisame sighed.

"Oh boy... It actually says that this is a costume competition. The music is just back up."

"God!" Stan growled, "Last time wasn't enough? Those uniforms chaffed like a bitch!" Before anymore complaints could be added, Kisame excused himself and made a beeline for the kitchen. He was about to get himself something to eat when he saw England carving something at the table.

"Hey Arthur, what's that?" The blonde looked up from his work before turning it around, revealing a pumpkin with an impish grin.

"It's almost Halloween..." He turned the gourd back around before adding, "So I'm making a jack-o-lantern."

"It's almost Halloween? Epicness!" Kisame cheered. With Kirigakure being majorly Catholic, Halloween was another big holiday. And thinking back to it, Kisame had a surge of inspiration. "I know what song we're going to do."

* * *

"Guys..." Itachi spoke up as he turned the stereo off. Team Uke had decided on their song choice as soon as they had gotten the letter, but Itachi _really_ was not happy with it. "I know you like this song, but it's just _too _happy for me. Please..." He got on his knees, "_Please_, can we change it?"

"But Itachi, this song is awesome!" Naruto cheered.

"And, like, we can wear the cutest outfits with it!" Poland laughed, some of the ukes agreeing with him. Ah yes, speaking of outfits, Team Uke had enlisted some outside help to help sew their costumes this time around.

Working diligently, Japan sewed outfit after outfit, using all of his cosplaying skills to make each outfit reach their full cuteness potential. "Itachi-san, could you try this on and see if it fits?" Itachi begrudgingly walked over and took the outfit.

Another school-girl outfit. With stockings, shiny dress shoes, ribbons for his hair...

"Things like this should not be worn outside of the bedroom!" But then he added, "Or political-office or kitchen or limo..." When he got some strange looks, he walked off muttering, "Keep practicing..."

* * *

"Go England! Go Korea! Go Lithuania!" Team Seme on the other hand, didn't need to go out. They already had three tailors in their midst, and they were getting more than enough done...

_RRIPP!_

"Damn it all to hell, Kevin!" England snapped. Sew as they might, the outfits seemed to keep ripping during rehearsal.

* * *

"And finally..." Japan sighed after a long day's work of enduring bickering commands and having to witness various diva spats, he had finished his last outfit of the day. A small smile graced his face as he called out, "America-san."

"Kiku, you're finally done!" Alfred cheered as he jumped over and received his outfit. "Aw... It's so cute and awesome!" He carefully folded it up, Japan sputtering,

"What? Wait, aren't you going to try them on?"

"Oh, I don't want to get them dirty! Thanks again, Kiku! Arigatou!" When the heroic nation was gone, Japan's eye twitched before he took a handful of extra fabric and pressed it to his face before screaming a swarm of Japanese curses into it.

* * *

"Guys, we have a problem." Kakashi had to be the bearer of bad news as the semes took a quick break with some quickly cooked food and some alcohol.

"What is it paint-brush head?" Kisame asked, Zabuza giving him a fist-bump with a mutter of,

"Nice." Kakashi rolled his eyes before he said,

"Despite all of our practicing and our great outfits, for the song we're doing we still need a girl in mix somewhere."

"Damn..." Kisame huffed, "Paint-bursh head has a point." The shark was humming in thought before asked, "Hey Raiga –"

"No." The spinach-haired nin quickly shot down the question before it was even completed. Seeing the course of the conversation, Russia asked,

"England, you could pull of a dress. Or even you Lithuania. Or even the bitch here, da." At the last part he aimed towards Prussia, who, of course, had to respond,

"The Awesomeness That is Me is not your bitch!" Ivan simply patted him on the head, smiling,

"Quiet down now bitch..." Just before a fight broke out, there was a knock at the door.

"I'll get it..." Roy stated, "Just in case it's another cop, don't kill each other yet!" The red-haired prince/general opened the door, just to see a shock of orange hair.

"Hey guys." Zoey smiled, now realizing the stares she was getting, "I'm here to pick up your song selections and... Wait. Why are you staring at me like that? And what's with that dress? I hope you guys have a girl in here or something because – Get that thing away from me! NO!"

* * *

The afternoon of the next day, the audience was back at the Crown stadium. "Is everyone ready to have some fun today?" The commentator asked, just to get a bunch of cheers in response. "Okay then! Due to their crushing defeat, the ukes get to go first today! Go ukes!" The audience had to wait for a while so that those behind the curtain could get ready. But then the music started up. A bouncing guitar-riff rang out from the stage. The curtains parted to show a sight that prompted a bunch of cameras flashing and phones recording. Itachi, Marth, Greece, and Ben stood on stage. Ben was dressed in an outift that was a mixture of space-pop and lolita, Greece was in a red and white toga (a pair of cat ears on his head), Marth was dressed like a princess (don't ask... Just... All the outfits were Japan's design, don't ask.), and Itachi was back in that school-girl outfit. He was _so_ uncomfortable, but luckily being a ninja and the wife of a political figure, he knew how to shadow any discrepencies with a smile so warm that it could melt ice. Being hotter than Sesshoumaru and Lord Sephiroth combined didn't hurt either.

Itachi smiled at the audience, calling out "Are you all enjoying yourselves?" The fangirls in the audience screamed as the ukes spread out, Itachi snapping his fingers before they started moving around the stage. Then... The singing started.

"_Honey, Honey!"_ 'Oh God, I hate this song...' Itachi thought mentally.

"_Honey, Honey!"_ 'Someone please kill me...' He added. But before he could add anything else, the other ukes moved away so that he was the center of attention as he sang,

"_Honey... You gave that nickname to me..._

_It creates a melody of love_

_Which still echoes inside my heart..."_ He quickly span out of the way, revealing America and Canada.

"_Honey, you know everything there is to know about me!"_ Alfred sang, clad in a red and brown cowboy outfit.

"_I want to tell you what I'm feeling for you right now..."_ Matthew finished, he himself dressed in a shorter, cuter version of the Mountie's uniform. When they were done, the stage opened a bit more to reveal Count D in a rose cheongsam, petting a lion cub that was sleeping in his lap. He placed a finger to his lips before softly singing,

"_I could be laughing, or even crying..."_ The cute was ruined by China jumping in with,

"_I want to be with only you!"_ Of course, the cub was soon yowling in discomfort, causing the Count to fume softly before rushing over to Yao and pushing him off of the stage in revenge.

"I want that distance between us to disappear..." 'Or get bigger, yes, let's go with bigger.', the pet-shop owner smirked. Before the expected fight could break out (much to the dismay of some of the audience members) Itachi quickly got everyone back in order so they could all sing and dance to the verses,

"_I'll send these words to you, honey!_

_These words filled with love..._

_Using a lot of these cute smiley faces,_

_Let's make these our tiny little secret..._

_I wanna feel your love right this instant!_

_You can call me Honey_

_When you say those words~!_

_They update my huge heart's already full blog_

_I'm not tired of the happiness you give me_

_Hey, please tell me everything about you..."_ Itachi rolled his eyes before signaling for Deidara, Poland, and Naruto to take the stage, which they did all to happily (good God, Japan went too over-board with the pink and orange!)

"_Honey, Honey!_

_Honey, Honey!"_ They danced out their routine, not staying still until Itachi walked over and sang out,

"_Honey, you gave that nickname to me..._

_This little song with emotions..._

_Is now being used in my big heart..."_ 'Here's the part that made me sick to my stomach in rehearsal...' Keeping in time with the music, he made sure to spin on the tips of his feet more than a few times, back and forth. And, oh, the scene that the skirt and pig-tails made as the brunette moved was almost hypnotic.

"_Honey, the only noise I can hear is your beautiful voice_

_the only pictures I see in my head are you..."_ "Oh God..." Itachi whimpered, trying to find his footing. "Why won't the world stop spinning? I feel drunker than England, Paris Hilton, Sean Connery, and Amy Winehouse combined!" Just before he passed out, Tracy and Kabuto (both dressed up like nurses) rushed over and dragged him off to rest somewhere.

"_I feel a mixture of joy and sorrow..."_ Hidan, dressed as a Jashinesque Nun, and S. Italy, dressed in a turtle costume, sang out.

"_I wanna share this with you!"_, Pit jumped in, looking cute. Then France smiled before he added,

"_I wish feel the same feelings with you!"_, tossing the bouquet of roses he held into the air, red petals showering to the ground as the other ukes got onto the stage and sang out,

"_I'll send these words to you, honey!_

_These words filled with love..._

_Using a lot of these cute smiley faces,_

_Let's make these our tiny little secret..._

_I wanna feel your love right this instant!_

_You can call me Honey_

_When you say those words~!_

_They update my huge heart's already full blog_

_I'm not tired of the happiness and surprise you give me_

_Hey, please tell me everything about you..."_ The ukes tried to finish of the song with a collective dance routine,

"_Honey, Honey!_

_Honey, Honey!"_ The music finally stopped and Itachi ran off the stage, muttering about how sick he felt.

* * *

"Could the semes report to the stage please?" The commentator called out after Team Uke had performed. Yet, there was no movement towards the stage. "Hello? What, am I talking to myself here? Because the medication that my therapist gave me was supposed to stop that and-"

All of a sudden, the lights in the area shut off. "What the hell?"

"Ah, Yuki hold me, I'm scared!"

"Shuichi, would you bug off?" There were more screams and gasps of shock throughout the area before a chorus of dark laughter rolled through the area. When the music started though, the atmosphere calmed down... Only a bit. With a chuckle, England's voice stated,

"All Hallow's Eve, that enigmatic night in which mischievous spirits and spiteful demons wander the earth and mingle with the living..." Sasori's voice asked,

"Hallow? Hello?"

_"__**La**__ la __**la**__..."_ Zetsu ended, signaling for a flourish of music to start. It was like a mixture of music from the roaring twenties and some bizarre mixture that just screamed Halloween. A few orange-shaded lights clicked on before Zoey was shoved out onto the stage, wearing a formal, midnight-purple and orange-dress. She sighed before simply standing there, looking like she was confused and didn't want to be there (which was half true, she _really_ did not want to be there). The music got to a certain point, a certain part of the curtain rose up, revealing Kisame lounging in a chair, dressed in a navy-shaded kimono, which hung off his shoulder and revealed rippling, muscle. He was wearing a long, wild, blue wig that had horns rowing from it to give the appearance of an oni demon. He smirked towards the audience, the small action causing various people in the audience to swoon at the sight. And that was even before he sang out,

_"Jacaranda blooming back at the social where we all drank  
__Where can we go from here? Happily sing a sad song..." _

The music roared out again for a moment before another section of curtain was pulled away, revealing a spiraling staircase. On top of said staircase was Russia. The cream-haired nation screamed 'sex on wheels' dressed as a vampire with a long black cloak, the faintest eye-liner around his eyes to make his eyes look hypnotic; a velvet suit and leather boots completed the ensemble as he walked down and sang,

_"Jack was smirking and said, "Put aside your heretical feelings!"  
Give me all your chocolate, cry a song of humble birth..."_ Breaking through the curtain, Kakuzu and Kevin walked out, both dressed as patchwork Frankensteins and pulling along a cart that held Kakashi dressed in a vagabond way.

_"A scarecrow came by here..."_, Kevin smirked.

"_Being smothered while he swayed..."_, Kakuzu belted out. Kakashi looked up and added,

"_He's never had it, but he hates pumpkin pie..!"_ It seemed that the semes on stage had congregated towards the middle of the stage. Kisame counted down from three with his fingers before the music flourished up.

_"Hey, la lu la lu la, do you want to dance with me?"_ They had started dnacing when, out of nowhere, England swooped down. The gentlemanly nation was dressed as a wizard, with a matching cloak and magic wand to add to the effect.

"_After all, the moon is still slumbering!"_ He sang, pointing the wand towards Zoey. There was a poof around the orange-haired girl and, when it dissipated, Germany and Prussia had her in their grasps, laughing,

_"You said? You said?", said a little turnip head!"_ Zoey yelped before she broke free, running off to find a safe haven just to be blocked off by Korea dressed as an Asian-vampire, Spain looking like an incubus, and Roy in a outfit covered in scales to make him look more-dragon-like. The tried closing in, singing,

"_Now you see that there is no longer the coffin,  
And how boring is that?"_They all seemed to laugh out,

"_Ba la la la ba happy day!",_ before the lights blinked off and and turned back on in neon. If you looked closely, you would have seen the semes all portraying there most predatory looks and they all growled,

"_RAWR!"_ Zoey groaned before she rushed off, trying to leave the stage, but just getting blocked off by the semes randomly popping up to block her. When the music got to a certain point, she had been stopped by Orochimaru and Prof. Oak, making a cackling duo of a snake demon and a mad scientist. After the orange-haired event-coordinator rushed by, Kisame poured himself a cup of sake, singing,

_"We feel fabricated magic at a transmission tower...  
Witch under overpass, she appears to be dazed..."_ Ivan laughed and added,

_"Jack had said pompously, "Continue with your vulgar feelings!""  
__The devil's trumpet bloomed as if it were enraged..."_ The lights turned off again before a dark red spotlight moved across the back of the slowly opening stage. It turned out that Damien (dressed up in a scarlet tux with a set of goat horns on his head) had gotten a key role due to his... geneology. Kisame and Russia were singing, Damien deeply chanting in the background,

_"That goat is thinking of something that we don't know..."  
(__**"Go on, accept it... Go on, accept it...")**__  
While waiting for the train...  
(__**"Go on, accept it... Go on, accept it..."**_ ) **( 1 )**

At the crash of two symbols, the lights went back to quasi-normal and the semes started dancing again,

_"Why don't we hold hands since there's two allowed?  
This ride takes us through the subway tunnels..."_ England, while some of the other seme/monsters were pushing a large cauldron towards the center of the stage, waved his magic wand again and Zane, dressed in a dragon-like tux, and Neji, dressed as a mummy, appeared and asked,

_"Recessive, dominant, a mountain of corpses?"_ The rest of the semes helped to sing,

"_And we end up at a market with crowds of ants  
And yet, the moon is still in deep slumber..."_

"Ichi ni..." Kisame called out, holding his first two fingers, before bursting into laughter.

"Deux trois..." Christophe held up his first three fingers and chuckled before taking a swig from a flask that he had brought up onto stage.

"Drei vier..." Germany and Prussia held up four of their fingers, Ludwig scoffing when his brother fell to the floor in laughter.

"Four five...

Quatre...

Tres...

Zwei...

Ichi.."

"TRICK OR TREAT!" Kisame, Zabuza, and Raiga (all dressed like oni) yelled to the audience, moving out of the way so that they could watch England toss a bunch of random ingredients into the cauldron,

"Moss of cave!

Wing of bat!

Sperm of whale!

Curried bat!

Heart of worm!

Hair of dog!

Drool of babe!

Breath of cat!

Devil's charm!

Virgin's blood!

Let simmer under heat of sun,

then absorb the light of moon!" With another wave of the wand, the mix billowed out into a steaming foamy muck, the fog enveloping the stage. The music went soft as Aster, dressed in glowing white clothes that made him seem as pale as a ghost.

"_La la la la la la..."_ He hummed before the lights went off.

"_La la la la la la..."_ He sang and walked across the stage when the lights went back on and then they flickered off.

"_La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la..."_ When the lights flickered on the last time, You could see Kisame and Russia on the staircase, looking at Zoey like she was a prized hunt. Kisame out-stretched his arms and sang,

_"Ah, Mrs. Pumpkin! Here I have arrived now to welcome you!"_ Ivan sang out,

_"When exactly was that this night had  
Destroyed the dream it created for me?"_

_"Ah, ah... _

_Ah, ah... _

_Ah, ah..."_ The voices of all the seme/monsters harmonized for a bit before the music seemed to stop. Kisame and Russia shared a glance before they sang out together,

_"Even so, I still want to keep dancing here!  
Let me have this one distraction of a dream!"_ They jumped down from the stairs, safely landing in time to see the rest of the semes closing in on Zoey. Shadow, dressed as a simple demon, scoffed,

_"Recessive, dominant, they're just some big idiot!"_ The others charged towards Zoey, singing, _  
_

"_With more pleasure spilling out everywhere,  
The flames of the lantern become a blaze!"_

_"Ba la la la ba happy day!"_ Kisame laughed before he and Ivan began dancing and singing out the last active lyrics of the song,

_"Hey, la lu la lu la do you want to dance with me?  
There's no chance that there will be a reply!"_

_""For shame! __**Too bad!**__" Said the turnip-headed lad!"_ Zetsu cackled as the semes began to carry a struggling event-coordinator to the cauldron.

"_Now you see that there is no longer the coffin  
And how boring is that?"_

_"It's so disappointing inside this muk!  
I'm waiting, the morning might even come!"_ Kisame and Russia sang as they slowed their dancing, the attention mostly going to how the others tossed Zoey into the cauldron and cheered at their success. The shark and the Slavic nation glanced at each other before looking at the audience and shrugging their shoulders,

_"If I wait in the train!"_ The lights blacked out again, but stayed that way. The only light came from when a lit jack-o-lantern that Kisame was holding near his face.

_"Ah, Mrs. Pumpkin..."_

_"Young Mrs. Pumpkin..."_ Russia shook his head at another jack-o-lantern.

_"Ah, Mrs. Pumpkin..."

* * *

_

"Encore!" Bayonetta stood and clapped the same time that the cheers from the audience reached their peak, "I will even _pay_ you guys to do that again!" She looked around before straightening up and saying, "So, yes, of course Team Seme wins this challenge."

"Wait a minute!" Finland piped up, "But I think –"

"No! The semes win this time!" Bayonetta huffed. Then Shuichi tried to speak on the ukes behalf,

"But the ukes worked so hard and–"

"Shut up!"

"Come on Bay-Bay!", Shuich smiled, using his impromptu nickname for the witch.

"No! My judgement trumps yours!" After a while, it seemed that Bayonetta was not going to budge, so the event went to Team Seme.

"By the way..." America had to ask, "What was with all the random laughter?"

"To tell you the truth," Sasori responded, "We all got completely baked before doing this!"

"Yes, we are made of the awesomeness!" Prussia laughed, the whole of the team agreeing with him. The ukes groaned, Itachi stating,

"As long as we can get out of these stupid costumes..." But then the semes all looked at them with puppy-dog stares.

"Can't you keep them on?" Kisame asked, wiping the drool from his mouth.

"You know..." Kevin added, "Till about, oh, 11:00 tonight?"

"Screw off!", Itachi yelled before a shoe flew towards Kisame. Yet, Kisame ducked and the piece of footwear made contact with Orochimaru's face.

"Ack! My beautiful face! What will the fangirls look at now?"

"You don't have any fangirls!" Everyone yelled at the same time.

* * *

**A/N: **

**Team Seme- 800 **

**Team Uke- 750 **

**( 1 ) This is actually my favorite part of this song because it's supposed to be the devil talking in the background and it just makes it creepy and more Halloween-esque.**

**The songs for this chapter were 'Honey' by the Vocaloid All-stars and 'Mrs. Pumpkin's Comical Dream' originally by Miku Hatsune but, unless you are really into Vocaloid, don't listen to the original version! Please don't! Listen to the version I put up in the beginning of the chapter. Okay, one more chapter and I'll be done for now. **

**Oh... And by the by... I won't say too much because I don't want to spoil anything for anyone who hasn't read the recent chapters of the Naruto manga... But... **

**FUCK YOU TOO, KISHIMOTO! Damn man, I mean, what the hell?  
**

**-Tyranno's girl.**


	66. Team Spirit FTW? Or FTF?

"You all know the rules of capture the flag, right?" The commentator asked both teams as they were winding down and undressing from the last event.

"Is this that game where we have to capture the other team's flag?" Spain asked, trying to hug S. Italy who was squirming away worse than a cat who needed a bath. The commentator rolled her eyes,

"How very inquisitive of you, Antonio…", she looked out onto the field, seeing Phineas, Ferb, Zoey, and Dawn setting up the field. She held back a laugh when she saw Dawn teasing her girlfriend about wearing the dress earlier. "But, yes, capture the flag means whatever team can take the other's flag and bring it back to their 'base' wins. Any questions?"

"Is it anything goes like Kiriball?" Kisame asked.

"No."

"Aw…"

"Another question." This time it was Chazz who spoke up, trying to brush the excess hair-spray out of his hair, "On the behalf of those of us who aren't, ahem, 'athletically-inclined', do we _have_ to play this?"

"Of course not." The commentator smiled, causing sighs of relif from various members of Team Uke. Well, until she added, "You don't _have_ to play, but then again you don't _have_ to win this whole competition either."

"But… Poland just did the most wonderful job on my nails!" Count D frowned, showing off the blood-red and cherry-blossom decorated finger-tips.

"Like, the secret is a quadruple coat of Bodacious red before you start. If anyone was interested!" Poland smirked, putting his nail-polish back into his (new) purse.

"Well, nails or not," The commentator huffed, "Prepare to go out onto the field in about…" Everyone couldn't help but notice how close she was getting to the door. "Five minutes, 'Kaythanks,Bye!" She rushed out before anyone could complain.

"I'm going to choke a bitch, I swear to Jashin…" Hidan clenched a fist at the half-assed response.

* * *

"On your mark…" The commentator began once everyone was back into their normal team-garb and back on the field.

"Kisame, love of my life, master of our household," Itachi pleaded, "We're kind of tired from the costume-competition… Could you guys maybe… Let up a bit?"

"No surrender!" The semes all called back, Kisame shrugging his shoulders as if to say 'Sorry'.

"Get set…"

"Damn you Kisame!" Itachi yelled, going back to his team and trying to prep them in the few seconds he had left before…

"Attack! I mean – Go!" At that yell, the event was on.

"Alright men!" Kisame announced, donning a general's cap. "We're going to hit them hard and fast! We'll squash all of their opposing forces and, if we're lucky, we'll be having nice candle-lit dinners with our lovely, lovely ukes in an hour! Can I get a battle-cry?" The semes gave a loud cry before they charged.

In response, the ukes yelled and scattered about, completely ignoring the well-organized plan that Itachi had relayed earlier…

_"As long as we stick together, we can win this challenge. We just have to stay calm and – Damn it Poland, stop texting! Tracy! Kabuto! Quit looking at that baby-catalog! Greece, wake up! Ben, get over here and throw away that smoothie! Kyle, your hair is unmanageable! Get over it!"_

"An organized team…" Itachi groaned, rubbing the temples of his head, "My kingdom for an organized team…"

Being the ninja that he is (despite his disdain of people calling him that), Sheik had managed to sneak over to the seme table; the seme flag with a picture of Michael the Malamute looking up at him. Despite himself, Sheik smiled and hummed,

"I'm king of the castle… You're just a dirty –"

"DOG PILE!" Prussia, Zabuza, Kevin, Stan, Leon, and Zetsu tackled the Sheikaiah to the ground, way too busy enjoying themselves to notice the groans fo discomfot from underneath them. But, of course, someone had to complain.

"How can you guys be so callous?" Iruka fumed, "Don't you realize that some of the members of team Uke are fragile? You can't treat them so roughly! Also…"

If you were one of the semes, you would currently be regarding the scene in 'Seme-vision'.

"Blah! Blah-blah-blah! Blah-blah-blah-blah-blah! Nag nag nag! Naggity-nag-nag! Blah-blah! Nag-nag-blah-blah-dribble-dribble-dribble!"

"How can you stand this?" Leon asked Kakashi. The copy-nin blinked before he removed a pair of ear-buds from his ears.

"I'm sorry, what was that?"

* * *

The game went on like this for a long while until the semes decided that they were done playing (more like they got bored) and Shadow rushed over to the uke table, grabbed their flag, and brought it to Kisame. Kisame took the flag and was about to rush to the seme table when...

"STOP!" Itachi held out his hand, his voice filled with such authority that it made Kisame stop in his tracks.

"Yes?" He smiled back. Everyone watched as the weasel walked over to the shark and stated, in a calm voice,

"If you so much as take one more step towards that table…"

"Itachi, could you hurry up a bit with the threats?" Kisame smirked, causing Itachi to respnd,

"You've forced my hand. You go any closer… And you won't be getting…" The brunette slowly ran one of his hands up the side of his body, smiling when he noted that his husband's eyes trailed every inch. "Any of _this_ for a _long_ time."

"Jesus Christ, Itachi!" Kisame gawked at the statement, "Cruel and unusual punishment, don't you think?" Itachi simply turned around and huffed,

"Those are my terms. Now negotiate them." For a second, Kisame was silent before he growled,

"Fuck! Where's Roger Smith or Phoenix Wright when you need them?" **( 1 )**

"Not getting anywhere _near_ that mess." Roger Smith, one of the world's best negotiators chuckled from his seat in the audience.

"Church." Phoenix Wright, Ace Attorney, bumped fists with the prior.

"Don't listen to him Comrade!" Russia called over, the semes rallying behind their captain.

"Yeah, he has to be bluffing!" Kevin added. Hearing this, Itachi smirked and chuckled,

"Really? I'm just… 'bluffing'?" The brunette slowly moved from the way and said, "Go one then." Now, you have to understand, Kisame was still the seme in this relationship, but he knew better than to take his little wifey lightly. And when Itachi ever smiled, either he was _really_ happy… Or about to do something _really_ evil. "Go and claim that flag… And see if any of you semes get laid for the remainder of these games."

"JESUS TAP-DANCING CHRIST!" Stan, Damien, Craig, and Christophe yelled in horror. Even the nations were scared. Germany asked Kisame,

"He couldn't actually manage that… Could he?" Kisame was quiet for a long while, his silence causing waves of unease amongst the team. Quiet as a chapel mouse, Kisame handed Itachi the uke flag. He then walked over to the table on the seme side of the field and took the seme flag. Kisame carried it over to the uke table and placed it their, shaking his head,

"I'm sorry guys…"

"Damn you semes are whipped!" Bayonetta cackled, and, sadly, who could disagree with her? You don't mess with the prospect of sex when it comes to a seme. You just don't do it.

* * *

**A/N: **

**Team Seme- 800 **

**Team Uke- 800  
**

**( 1 ) Roger Smith from the anime Big O (in my opinion, one of the best mecha anime ever!)... He was one of my first anime crushes. And Phoenix Wright from the game ****Ace Attorney**** series of games (which I have never played. All I know is the 'Objection!' catch-phrase)... **

**TG- * eye twitches as she looks at the scores * You useless over-sized novelty coin, the score is tied again! **

**(Cue the authoress flinging the coin out of the window.) **

**Please review while I try and find a new coin... **

**-Tyranno's girl.  
**


	67. If you Give Hun a Ball

**A/N: **

…

…

**Okay, a word of warning real quick: If you are not the person who **_**completely**_** half-assedly flamed (and I use the term lightly) on this fic, skip this note and go on to the chapter. If you still aren't said person and you want to read this, please go ahead, I don't prevent people from doing anything. **

**Now, on to business. On Monday morning, while working on a project for theater, I decided to open my e-mail and see if my friends had done anything on Facebook. And, to my surprise, there was a review for this story. Now, I thought, 'How nice, even though I couldn't update last week because I had a hellish excuse of a wedding to go to (two weddings for one marriage! Nigerians!) someone commented on my fic!', and I opened it. **

**Big mistake. **

**I just want to say to everyone, and some of you may disagree with me, but in **_**all**_** reality, it isn't this RedBooton (or, however the hell it's spelled) that's stigmatizing this website. **

**It's the flamers and the trolls. **

**I open up said e-mail and read the stupidest, **_**most idiotic, damnable excuse**_** for a flame that I have ever received. (And I've only received two, one on this fic and one on LOH. You two must feel **_**so**_** special~!) **

**Oh, and get this! Said flamer didn't even bother to leave their pen-name! It was an anonymous review under the name 'wow'. **

**'Wow' is right! I mean, truthfully? What a load of bullocks, I swear... Allow me to address the oh so **_**scintillating**_** points of this, * ahem *, 'flame'. **

**'1. Way too OOC' **

***raises eyebrow * Honestly? You know what I thought of when I read that part? For those of use who watch 'Robot Chicken', have you ever seen those episodes with the (probably thirty-one year-old) nerd who's living in his mother's basement and, upon seeing Robot Chicken's jokes about his favorite musicians and cartoons, he goes into a sissy, fussy baby fit, writes a pitiful excuse of an angry letter, and makes his own video pointing out bit by bit the reasons he didn't like said episode? Well, congratulations 'Angry nerd from Robot Chicken', you apparently have a real life counter-part!**

**'2. It's saying Naruto but, what the fuck? Is it?' **

**Wow... 'Wow' Pfft. As I may have explained before (yet some people are kind of on the slow side, as this 'flame', shows), it's a multi-crossover fic. And I mostly chose the animes that I did to show a mixture of personalities from different shows rather than what the (please don't complain, other people besides the accused who are reading this, but I have to speak the truth) repetitive, over-simplified, archetypical-retarded writing style of Masashi Kishimoto shows. **

**I could hear you saying (adopts nerd tone), 'Oh, this character would never act like this! This fan fiction is unacceptable!' **

**What are you? Some Narutarded Weeaboo? If you would have noticed, if you took a long hard look at the Naruto-section of this site, you would now that most of the time when people try to write a fan fiction in the same story-line as the actual anime, unless that person is a die-hard Naruto fan and they've taken in **_**every, single, microscopic**_** detail... They usually don't turn out that great! **

**Which is why there are such things as AUs and authors who excel at writing AUs! That's the purpose of writing a FAN-FICTION! **

**I... I'm not even going to address the rest of the flame because it's not even worth it seeing as how the 'flamer' was a coward and didn't put their pen-name! Now, maybe if you had offered constructive-critcism like the wonderful **_**'Sightlines'**_** or **_**'Bloody Dead and Sexy'**_**, maybe I wouldn't be responding to you like this. **

**Now, don't get me wrong: I love constructive-criticism! It gives me new ideas, it helps me make the story better for people to read, and it's fun talking to fellow writers. What's not fun is having to deal with trolls who have no lives except trying to lessen other people's work when theirs is probably crap. **

**Did you hear me 'Wow'? This goes to all flamers who have been trying to demean other great writers' works: Flamers suck, trolls suck... You guys suck **_**so **_**hard that I'm not sure why you guys aren't stars in West Hollywood! (Yes, I went there! Bite me!) **

**Some may ask why I took my time with this, well, I was raised (and I'm learning more, since I want to be a teacher) that as much as we want to ignore it, we have to acknowledge ignorance so that it won't repeat itself.**

**So next time you try and diss someone, think twice. Because as an experienced editor, I have plenty of experience biting back. **

**Consider yourself verbally pwned, 'Wow'. **

**Now, for everyone else, please enjoy the chapter because there's something important that I have to say at the end.

* * *

**

A cup of spiced tea, a spicy omelet, a newspaper, and no other kids to bother him. This was Mizuki Hoshigaki's idea of a perfect morning. The young boy had come downstairs from his room early enough to make these things, and (after five failed attempts, inherited bad cooking skills will do that to you), he had a decent sized meal in front of him at the table. The others were beginning to come down from their rooms but Mizuki ignored them and climbed up into his chair. The black/blunette-haired boy was about to take a sip of his tea; the spicy aroma surrounding him.

"Mizuki~!"

The call caused Mizuki to jerk and let out a yelp. His movement also caused his tea to spill all over his face and hair. He gritted his teeth and clenched his fist. "Hun… If this is for anything less than you having killed another dog-catcher, I'll –"

"Mizuki!" Hun suddenly popped out from nowhere, holding a new, shiny, orange ball in his hands. "Ball! Ball, ball, ball!" He laughed, showing the ball to Mizuki like it was the best thing since sliced bread.

"Yes Hun…" Mizuki gritted out, "It's a new ball. Who gave that thing to you anyway?" _'So I can strangle them later…'_ He added mentally.

"Aunt Tobi! But that's not important now!" Hun smiled as he placed the ball in Mizuki's hands and pleaded, "Fetch! You throw the ball and I'll fetch it! Please~?" Mizuki groaned again. This was probably the only thing he didn't like about the boy in front of him. Hun really was like a puppy, in both appearance and in his behaviors. The first few months, the Akatsuki had to get used to him howling at the moon, gnawing on things, snatching food from the tables, and (which was Mizuki's _favorite_) the games of fetch.

"Not now Hun." Mizuki muttered, jumping down from his chair and going to make another cup of tea. Hun whined out,

"But why? Come on, please~?" As Mizuki tried to get the tea-leaves down, he couldn't help but notice the dog-boy's whining and rolling around on the floor. "Please? I'll let you rub my tummy!"

"That's something that benefits you! Why would I want to do it?" Mizuki yelled, getting sick of this. But those dark eyes widened in plea and Mizuki groaned, "I am not in the mood for this…" But then a light-bulb flashed in his mind. "Come on Hun…" He grasped the dog-boy's arm, "Let's go find someone to throw that ball for you."

* * *

"Oh you!" Daisy was cooing into the phone, talking with her sweetheart Luigi, "You are just too much! … No, I love you! … No, I love you! … No, I love _you_! No, I – Agh!" Just as the auburn-haired princess was about to talk again, Boris barreled into the room and shoved her away from the phone. Alexandr picked up the phone and quickly said,

"She will call you back later. Or not.", before he hung it up. He then looked around carefully, to make sure no one was spying on him, before he brought out a foreign calling card. "Let's see…" He quickly dialed the service number and waited.

_Breeep. _

_Breeep. _

_Breeep._

"We are sorry, the phone number you have tried to dial is out of service –"

"What? The hell it is!" Alexandr growled before trying to dial the number. He waited for the other line to stop ringing and kept on until…

"Hiya!"

"Ah! What?" Hun had jumped in front of Alexandr, holding up the ball while Mizuki walked over and asked,

"What are you doing with the phone Alexandr?" Alexandr pouted and muttered,

"What? It's not like I'm trying to call anybody in a far off country with beautiful palm trees and a gorgeous river or anything! What would make you say that?"

"Maybe the fact that you are holding a picture of Port Harcourt while trying to make a long-distance phone-call?" Mizuki sighed. Alexandr clenched his hand into a fist before he grabbed the ball from Hun's hand and flung it out of the nearest window with all of his might.

"Go Fetch, damn you!" The orange ball flew out the window and out of sight. Mizuki simply smirked as Hun howled in joy,

"Yay! Ball!", before rushing out of the house after the toy.

"Thank you very much for that, by the way." Mizuki chuckled softly but when he turned, rather than seeing Alexandr's angered face, he saw the snow-haired boy trying another calling card. "Um..."

"Quiet yourself, it's ringing." Alexandr hissed as he listened closely.

"'Please dial the number and area code of who you would like to call.'" Alexandr blinked before he silently hung up.

"What's wrong?" Mizuki asked as Alexandr was quietly looking at the ground. After a moment, the Russian-American softly whined,

"I forgot the phone number." The other boy still had his look of 'I will murder you in your sleep and not care' but his shoulders were trembling in that way that a child would if you stole their cookie. Mizuki carefully placed a hand on Alexandr's shoulder, murmuring,

"It's okay –"

"Don't touch me.", Alexandr quickly smacked the hand away.

* * *

We now see Hun sniffing along the ground, looking for the orange ball of awesomeness. "Ball, ball, ball... Where are you ball?" His searching led him to Seme Estate. "Oh, hey!" He smiled, "Maybe Kisame has seen my ball!" And inside the manor he went...

..Just to find that there was no one inside.

"Where is everyone?" He whined, "It's more empty in here than in a Justin Bieber fan's head..." He soon, however, heard a grand commotion coming from the backyard of the Estate, causing him to walk out the back door and see...

"Man the battle-stations!" Someone called out. The backyard looked like a battlefield (complete with a medieval catapult) and all the semes were rushing around like crazy. And the reason for this was...

"Give it up, Kisame!" Itachi called over from Uke Manor via megaphone. "Admit defeat and maybe we'll stop attacking you!"

"Never!" The shark roared out before he said to his team mates, "Launch the torpedo... sandwiches!" When the sandwiches were being loaded into the catapult, Sasuke asked,

"Wait, _why_ are we doing this?", to which Prussia replied,

"Because we are semes and we are bored!"

"Okay." Sasuke shrugged as he made sure the catapult was aimed correctly.

"Fire!" Kisame cried out, the catapult launching the sandwiches towards Uke Manor. When the sandwiches landed, Itachi sighed,

"What a waste."

"Tell them to keep throwing the food!" America called over from his seat on the porch. Itachi shook his head and called out,

"Fire the stuffed-animal and gossip magazine cannon!" Two cannons fired, showering adorable plushies and corny, overly colored celeb magazines on Team Seme's area.

"Oh mein Gott, they're so cute!" Prussia squealed, but when he saw the looks that everyone gave him, he cleared his throat, "I mean – How dare they pull this crap on us, manly, manly semes – Oh my gosh, it's chocobo-doll!" Everyone merely groaned as Gilbert clutched the yellow-bird plushie to himself. Hun was getting bored now, so he began to look for his ball again.

"Okay, that's it!" Kisame laughed, "Bring out the Rick Astley!" All the semes gasped.

"Comrade, that is cruel and unusual punishment even for me!" Russia groaned as the stereo-speakers had been brought out.

"What the hell are they doing?" Hidan asked as the ukes saw someone hand Kisame a remote. The shark smiled as he pressed a switch and that most _irritating_ of meme songs came on.

_"Never gonna give you up..._

_Never gonna let you down... _

_Never gonna run around and desert you..."_

"AGH!" The ukes all screamed, well except for America.

"Aw, yeah! This is my jam!" Alfred beamed as he began dancing to 'Never Gonna Give You Up' by Rick Astley.

"My ears are bleeding, eh!" Canada howled out in pain. But the worst part is that no one on Team Seme had ear-plugs.

"Kisame! Couldn't you find an easier way of killing us?" Kakuzu groaned.

"In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, make it stop~!" Raiga sobbed out. While covering his ears, Hun had actually managed to find his ball. It was sitting tauntingly in the catapult and, just as he was about to get it, Kevin knocked into the machine sending the ball flying.

"Oh, are you kidding me?" Hun howled, rushing after the orange ball soaring through the sky.

"Huh." Mizuki hummed as he looked out of the window. "Hun should have been back by now..."

* * *

"This is getting ridiculous..." Alexandr gritted out, ripping up calling card number thirty-three. He brought out two more and dialed the number again, waiting for the calling service to pick up. Mizuki rolled his eyes and got up, murmuring,

"The fool probably got lost chasing a car or something..." Before he walked out via the back door.

* * *

"Hun! Hun~!" Mizuki called out as he was walking down the street. "Where is he? I can't believe that I'm being forced to look for him when _he_ should look for me! Hun! Get out here, now!" The young Hoshigaki kept on walking until he heard something from a darkened alleyway. "Hun? That had better be you..."

He carefully walked in and looked in and around the trashcans. "Damn it, Hun..." Mizuki was about to turn around and look somewhere else when, suddenly, an arm wrapped his body and a hand covered his mouth. "Mrm?"

"Aw, don't even try escaping. We both know that you aren't going anywhere." Like Mizuki was going to listen to what some stranger told him. When the boy began struggling, really wishing that he had remembered a weapon of some sort.

"Yeah, I know who you are. And your parents should be able to pay a nice handsome ransom for the return of their brat." And the stranger cackled as he carried Mizuki away.

_'Hun...' _Mizuki thought, _'Where are you?'

* * *

_

"Ball, ball..." Hun hummed as he rolled the orange ball around, gnawing at it from time to time. He had finally caught up to it at Dreamsprite Park and was so happy for doing so. "How can something so simple be so perfect?" He sighed as he bounced it up into the air with his head. "Was I supposed to be somewhere right about now? I can't really remember –"

"HUN!"

"Mizuki-kun?" Hun blinked, letting the ball drop to the ground as his ears picked up Mizuki's voice. "Is he in trouble? Mizuki was screaming!" Hun stated to himself as he ran towards the voice, "He hardly ever screams!"

"You little brat!" The stranger growled. Mizuki had bitten the man's hand and gotten the opportunity to scream for help. "I ought to slit your throat for that and –"

"Hey!" The stranger turned and saw Hun standing in front of them. "What are you doing to Mizuki?"

"Who the hell are you – Never mind, just get out of here!" Hun stood his ground and looked at Mizuki, who was conveying 'Get me out of here' with his eyes.

"Can you let go of my friend?" Hun asked. Yet, the stranger huffed and used his leg to kick the dog-boy away. "Ow!" Hun yelped as he made contact with the ground.

"Now stay put, you mutt! Let me see how I'm going to get my meal-ticket here to a good keeping place..." There was a growling from the front of him. "What the hell..?" The stranger looked forward and saw Hun growling and trembling. "Hey, what's with him?" Mizuki merely replied,

"A pet that is loyal to its master will defend them to the end, right?"

"What the hell do you mean 'pet' – AGH!" The stranger yelped as a large dog jumped on him. The dog was about the size of a big wolf and was majorly black with orange fringes on its sides and silver fur on its paws and the fringes of its tail. "Gah, what's going on here!" The wolf glared at him, fierce black eyes with a crescent-shaped scar under the left_. _

Mizuki jumped away from the struggling duo and merely watched as the wolf was going to rip the man's throat out before he stated, "Hun. Halt." The wolf growled but stopped his movement. Hun's eyes looked towards the boy before he said,

**"He was threatening you."**

"_But he isn't any longer."_ Mizuki replied. "Let go of his throat and grab onto his ankle. Keep your teeth around the Achilles Heel in case he tries to run." Hun followed the command and bit onto the man's ankle, completely ignoring his screams. When the thrashing slowed down, Mizuki walked over and sat on the man's chest.

"What are you doing you little monsters?"

"Quiet yourself." Mizuki spoke, grabbing the man's face and making him look straight at him.

Rather, his eyes, which were slowly turning blue. "Look at me." He whispered. And then everything faded into a mist.

* * *

"_Allow me to explain what will be happening here." Mizuki's voice rang out in a small room. It was small enough for a chair, a coffee-table, and the large crystal canister in the center. _

"_What are you doing? Let me out!" Mizuki stayed quiet before holding something up. It was a remote that, upon Mizuki pressing a button, water would rush into the canister. "Wait, let me out!" _

"_No." Mizuki replied, pressing the button again, raising the water level. "I hope that this will teach you to better choose your career options, sir." And with that, Mizuki pressed a different button, letting the canister completely fill up. "Let's see how long you can hold your breath."

* * *

_

Back in the real world, Hun (back to his normal self) was watching the attempted-kidnapper was experiencing the same symptoms one would feel upon drowning. "Serves him right." Hun smiled. As if on cue, a slight shuffle revealed that Mizuki had woken up. "Hey Mizuki, I –" The older boys stopped when he saw the pained look on his friend's face. A tear slid down a pale cheek before he whined,

"Hurts..."

Now, despite being the child of the powerhouse Kisame Hoshigaki and the infamous Itachi Uchiha, Mizuki in all his skill and cuteness has one flaw.

He can't use chakra without hurting himself in the process.

Most of the time it takes form of horrible headaches, but Mizuki wouldn't tell anyone because, well, like his Uncle Sasuke (though neither knew it) Mizuki was a little over-achiever. He even made up his own genjustsu so he could try and be like his mother. Said genjutsu was what had Mr. Kidnapper on the floor.

Hun nodded in understanding before he offered a hand, saying, "Come on, let's get you to bed..." Mizuki pouted,

"Fool.", but he took the offered hand anyway.

"Here's aspirin. And water..." Hun commented as he placed a bottle and a glass of water on the bedside dresser. They had gotten back to the children's house at around 9 and Hun made sure to tuck Mizuki into bed before he asked, "Anything else?"

"No." Mizuki murmured back, looking at the window. Hun's ears drooped and he replied,

"Oh. Okay, I'll just go now..." But before he even stepped out of the door, Mizuki called over,

"Wait."

"Hm?" Hun blinked before he walked back and kneeled besides the bed. Mizuki looked down at his best friend before he slowly rubbed Hun's hair, especially the space between his furry ears.

"Good boy." Mizuki sighed, the lightest smile on his face.

"Sleep tight!" Hun chimed, gently closing the door to his and Mizuki's room and walking to the living room. He had just said hi to Devlin and Ongakuhana when he saw Alexandr moping by the phone. "Oi, did you ever get to call P.H.?"

"P.H.?" Alexandr blinked but then he got the connection and a gloom cloud reappeared above his head. "No..."

"Why? You were trying so hard, too." Alexandr glared at the dog-boy, murderous intent clear in his eyes before he simply stated,

"I forgot about the time zone difference."

* * *

**A/N: **

**Calling cards... I swear to GOD I hate calling cards! And it's not just calling to Britain or Nigeria that gets to me. My home phone plan is B.S. (to put it frankly) so I have to use calling cards to call L.A. Or Fresno or San Diego... Oh, and buying a card that turns out to have only ten minutes on it when you pay for forty-five... It's happened. **

**Everyone knows about time zones right? Well, yeah, for me whenever I call family in Nigeria or Britain I have to do so and take into account 'What time is it? 6? So it'll be around 9...' If Alexandr tried calling P.H. At 9... It would have been around midnight. **

**Now, important stuff! After this week, I am going to do what I did with my story 'A True Series of Unfortunate Events' and write all the chapters of my two current fanfics and update them at once (because I can feel that my hap-hazard updates are annoying people). But... To appease you all for the time being... **

**I Have FANART! **

**Yes, if you go to my profile and click on the deviantart address (FairHokage if you just want to go to DA and search me), I have art for some of the kids. I'll finish them soon but right now I have... Alexandr, Mizuki and Hun, Isabella, Ongakuhana, and Ethan. Please, if you have a da-account, leave some feedback (I'm **_**not **_**the best drawing artist, I know, but I would love your thoughts). If you don't have an account there, just send me a comment here. Okay... See you all in a couple of weeks! **

**-Tyranno's girl. **

**P.S.- How'd you like my anti-flame letter? I was thinking of editing it and making a youtube video of it because my cousin in Florida was actually the victim of a vicious flaming a year ago. **


	68. Glow Sticks and Booze

**A/N: **

…

**TG- *peeks from behind wall* Um, hi guys… **

**Readers- WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN? **

**TG- Okay, okay! I know I'm uber-mega-ultra-quadruple-unforgivably-late! But the reasoning is valid and I am going to be completely real with you guys. **

**13. **

**No, that's not how old I am! (Hell, I'm just two years from drinking without it being illegal…) That's the number of times I've had to move! **

**No, around my birthday (you know, when this fic was due to be completed) I got the news that me and my mom might have to move. **

**Then it turned into we definitely have to move. So, I've been moving my stuff to storage bit by bit since but… Anyone who has ever had to move knows how fucking exhausting it is! It's a wonder I was able to get these final chapters together.**

**But I have the good news~! **

**Readers- … (-.-') **

**TG- I got a lappy-top for Christmas so, hopefully, I'll be able to write more often. Yay. **

**Anyway, here's another chapter. Hope you guys like it, it has lemon… That I'm not entirely happy with (God, I don't like how this lemon turned out!), but lemon nonetheless. **

**

* * *

**

"Hey, that was mine!"

"I saw it first!"

"That costs $300 a jar! Bitch, you'd better go get your own!"

If you were to pass by Uke Manor, you would have heard all of that commotion and more. The reason was simple:

Due to the Games almost coming to a close, the event-coordinators had organized a night of fun and relaxation and partying at, of all things, the most popular night-club in Domino City. Yet, the scene in Uke Manor was so intense; you would think that they were preparing for war.

"Aiya! Let go, aru!" China yelled as he held onto a red mandarin-top that Count D was trying to get out of the laundry room.

"This isn't even yours! You let go!" The two fought and bickered for the longest time until Itachi walked by and said,

"Oh, that's where my mandarin-top went.", before he succinctly picked it up and walked off. The two Chinese males blinked and stayed in silent embarrassment before they silently went their separate ways.

* * *

"Let's get this party started right!" Kisame called out as he walked into the main room of Seme Estate. "Wow, this is going to be the first time that I've been to a club to have fun since my Kirigakuran days!" As the shark sat down on the main couch, he hummed, "That reminds me... Hey Kevin!"

"Yo." Kevin replied back, taking a soda from the fridge. Kisame went on,

"You have to tell me what's going on in the club scene! You're young, you ought to know!"

"Uh..." Kevin wondered aloud, "I don't know, I'm just going to wear a t-shirt and jeans myself..."

"What? That's it? Come on, tell me! Kevin, you have to know what's cool, what's tight, what's funky-fresh!"

"..." At that last statement, everyone in the whole house was silent.

"'Funky-fresh'?" Sasori blinked in almost disgusted shock.

"Dude, no one has used words like that in forever!" Stan laughed, triggering a roll of chuckles throughout the room. But Kisame groaned and ran out of the room with a,

"Don't make fun of me! I'm not that old, I'm only in my thirties~!" The bluenette sobbed as he ran up the stairs.

"Um..." Russia blinked. He was about to say something when Kisame yelled back,

"And don't you dare call me Misoji!"

* * *

"Oh blessed Demeter..." Kabuto began, reading from a scroll of paper as he held hands with Tracy, "We ask of your blessing on this night..." Tracy opened one of his eyes and read out,

"So that we may –"

"What's going on here?" Itachi yelled as he saw the mini ritual, complete with wine, togas, olive branches, wreaths, and candles, being performed in the living room. "Don't tell me that Hidan succeeded in converting you guys to Jashinism!"

"Really?" Hidan rushed in, holding a bundle of bloody clothing.

"Sorry, but, no..." Tracy smiled nervously. Hidan pouted and muttered,

"Fucking teases..." as he walked away. Kabuto then stood up and, after removing the wreath from his head, he explained,

"Greece helped us to find a fertility ritual that has a 99.999% chance of success. So we're trying it out before we go out tonight." Itachi nodded in understanding before he had to smirk,

"What about the other .001%?"

"What about the – Why don't you shut the hell up?" The grey-haired male snapped. After Itachi left, he spoke up, "So... We just have to make sure to dress absolutely irresistibly and victory shall be ours!"

"Yay!" Tracy smiled, hugging his BFF's shoulders.

* * *

Link was in the living room, looking through his chest of clothing for something to wear. And when you're talking about the hero of time, this means tunic... after tunic... after tunic!

"Hey, I can wear this black one! That seems club-like!" The blonde hero stated as he brought out the black fabric. "Yeah... And I can buy some red contacts on the way to the club..." Just as Link was heading off to get dressed, a slightly emo-sounding voice spoke up,

"Hello Link..."

"Holy paradox-twist, batman!" Link cried before he blinked and murmured, "Oh, it's you. Dark Link. Oh, what are you doing here?"

"Now Link..." Kisame started as he walked in from the kitchen, "Isn't that a little mean?"

"This guy is a major downer! Honestly, just him being in the room is going to bring a gloom cloud half the size of Hyrule!"

"It's okay... Even though I'm his brother, he hates me... I'm used to it." Dark Link stated **( 1 )**. "I mean, sure every night I wake up crying... And my arms are all marked up from me cutting myself... And sleeping in the crawlspace of Ganondorf's Castle is doing horrors to my back..."

"Stop talking! Just, stop talking!" Everyone yelled as the gloom cloud grew with every word.

"Maybe you should take tonight's opportunity to get closer to your brother. Maybe you could even try and get closer to your father and-" Ike didn't even get to finish his sentence before,

"Are you kidding me?" Both Links screamed as the original brought out a picture of Ganondorf,

"Look at him! Look at this mother-fucker right here! If these are the genes that I'm working with..." The blonde let out something that was akin to a whine before he yelled, "His eyebrows are attached to his hair, for goddesses' sake **( 2 )**!" Afterwards, Link sighed and said, "Where's my white tunic? At least it glows in the dark..."

* * *

Let's go back to Uke Manor, shall we? We go into the kitchen and find Sheik and Canada mixing some strange concoction up in a bowl. "So, we should start off with chocolate, right?" Canada asked. Sheik nodded before he went into the cupboards and brought out big blocks of milk, white, dark, and hybrid chocolate.

"Allow me." Sheik spoke before he tossed all the chocolate into the air and, in a mere couple of seconds, all the chocolate had been chopped up and sliced into the bowl. "Do you think we added too much?"

"No, of course not!" Matthew smiled before he looked at his recipe book. "Now we have to add the stuff to actually make it into cookie form: flour, sugar, eggs, etc..." In that went (not very interesting, who cares). "Now for the fun stuff!" Canada smiled, "Sheik, what do you have to add?" The Sheikaiah nodded before he reached into his pockets and brought out a bottle of Red Potion, a bottle of Blue Potion, a bottle of Lon Lon Milk, a bag of Magic Powder, a bottle of water from the Great Fairy's fountain, and...

"He should be here in a few minutes for the last thing..." Sheik mused and, not even a minute later, the kitchen door opened revealing what looked like a chibi version of Link.

"Oh, he's so cute!" Canada squealed. Sheik nodded and stated,

"Matthew, meet Toon Link." Then he asked, "Did you bring it?"

"Of course!" Toon Link replied, handing Sheik a bag and saying his good-byes before he disappeared into a cloud of multi-colored smoke. Sheik shook his head and unloaded the contents of the bag, revealing squishy gobs of brightly colored jelly.

"ChuChu Jelly." Sheik replied upon noticing Canada's questioning look. "It's what Red and Blue potions are made of." Both blondes went to work adding the new ingredients into the bowl. Then Matthew unloaded his own pockets: holding a bag filled with a suspicious green plant and a bottle of pure Maple Syrup.

"I'm kind of sad that I wasn't able to find more stuff like you had but..." Matthew trailed off when he felt something tugging at his leg. "Hm? Oh, Kumakimi, it's you." The fat polar bear was waddling by his owner's legs but he was also holding something in his mouth. "What's this?" With some struggle, Canada got it and, after some careful examination of the pink pills inside, he fumed, "Gilbert, that jerk! He told me that he ran out!"

Sheik went to work cutting up the 'special-plant' and Matthew was crunching up the pills into a fine powder. They then mixed them into the bowl and, after mixing it into the bowl with the syrup, the task of mixing it all together came up. It was hard, seeing as how most of the things that went into it were _not_ supposed to be mixed together, but they managed.

"Finally! We can actually bake these things!" Sheik sighed after all the effort that went into mixing. Spoonful by spoonful went onto baking sheet after baking sheet... Then, finally, the cookies went into the oven. "Now, while those are baking we can finally go get ready for tonight." Both blondes nodded, congratulated each other on their creations, and left the kitchen. **( 3 )**

_Ten minutes later..._

"I'm eating chicken, tonight~! Chicken for my tummy will feel so right!" America walked into the kitchen, trying to find the bucket of chicken he had bought from KFC, when he took a big whiff of the room. "Okay, why does this room smell like the 1960s?"

* * *

"Oi! You two!" England called over to the only two men who had made the mistake of staying in the room while England showed up.

"Hm?" Sasori raised an eyebrow.

"What is it England?" Kakuzu followed, not even trying to look away from CNN. Arthur jumped in front of them and asked,

"I want to hear your thoughts on my outfit!" The redhead and the scarecrow looked at the gentlemanly nation with widened eyes. It was a leather jacket, with a torn shirt underneath, and shredded jeans. The only problem was... that _everything_ was decorated in the colors and designs of England's flag. "Isn't it wonderfully patriotic?" he smiled; so proud of himself.

"Oh yeah..." Sasori gave a weak smile, "It's great."

"Yeah, like the Union Jack exploded..." Kakuzu muttered.

* * *

_Back at Uke Manor!_

Poland was carbo-loading in the kitchen (You know, eating at home so you can just drink when you get to the club), when he saw Hidan pass in his outfit: the shredded, blood-stained mess of an outfit.

"Hold on! Like, stop the presses!" Poland shrieked as he jumped up from his chair.

"What are you lookin' at, Posh Spice? Hidan asked, obviously not amused.

"Oh, really?" Feliks beamed, flipping his hair, "I've been trying out her various hairstyles and- Okay, like, that's totally not the point. The point is that I could not sleep right tonight knowing that I let someone that I know go out in such awful clothing."

"Wait a minute bitch; are you calling my sense of style awful?" Hidan frowned. Poland ignored him and wrapped an arm around the albino's shoulder with a,

"Yes I am. But come on; let's get you something tres fabu for you to wear, hm?"

Later, after helping a very reluctant albino out, we can find Poland walking into the kitchen.

"POLAND, MY FUCKING SCALP IS BURNING OFF OF MY HEAD! HURRY AND WASH THIS CRAP OUT OF MY HAIR!"

"What was that?" Sheik asked as he and Canada brought out the cookies from the oven. Feliks smiled,

"Oh, nothing. I'm just helping Kyle perm his hair. I, like, told that boy not to go and scratch his hair but what did he do? He scratched his hair! Ugh, no one listens to me, I swear! **( 4 )**" Just as the posh blonde was about to leave the kitchen, he turned and gave a good hard look at Sheik. "Hey you! Ninja-boy!"

"Why do people keep calling me a ninja?" Sheik sighed placing the oven-mitt back into the drawer, "Is it so hard to pronounce Sheikaiah **( 5 )**?"

"Anyway... Stay here until I come back ninja-boy, I have to help you with your outfit!" And before Sheik could say anything, Poland rushed upstairs.

_Thirty minutes later..._

"Like, now that that's done..." Poland sighed, smiling as he removed the gloves he used on Kyle's hair. "Sheik, honey, we have to talk about your body image."

"What is there to talk about? This is how I always dress." Sheik dead-panned. Feliks smirked,

"And that's the problem! Come on honey; just let me have my way with you for a bit! You won't regret it!"

"Well, I can't regret anything more than talking to you..." Sheik replied with a roll of the eyes. Poland beamed,

"Alright!" He reached behind himself and pulled out a heavy make-up case. "Okay, just sit down and we can get this over with!" As Poland opened up the case, Sheik gulped at the sheer amount of makeup, hair product, and such.

"What are... What are you going to do with all of that?" Feliks help up a white can and a black can before he said,

"Sit down so I can get started on your hair!"

"No way! No one is dying my hair! It's forbidden by Sheikaiah code!" Sheik yelped, hiding behind Canada of all people.

"Then relax~!" Poland rolled his eyes, "They're just Coal and Snow **( 6 )**! They're temporary!" Sheik was still a bit reserved so he turned to his friend, Matthew muttering something about how they would never hear the end of it if he refused. Sheik sighed.

"Do your worst..."

* * *

"So..." Nokoru Hoshigaki began. Kisame's father was hanging around Seme Estate that day and decided to hitch a ride to the club with them. "Is everyone ready to go?" He was talking to his son but he noticed that the younger shark was whining something about,

"I'm not that old... Only in my thirties... I'm not like Orochimaru or Prof. Oak..."

"You're still on that?" Nokoru sighed but he smiled when he saw everyone loading up into the bus. "Even if you're old, which you're not, you can still have fun. Look at me and you're mother! We're pleasantly aged and we still have fun like we're teens. Oh, and we have the most wonderful times in the bedroom **( 7 )**-"

"Dad!" Kisame groaned, "Really? The phrase 'too much information' was made for situations like this!" Nokoru simply smiled. He was about to keep teasing his son when he thought of something.

"Aren't you forgetting something?"

"Hm..." Kisame blinked. "No... Why?" Nokoru looked like he wanted to say something but he shook his head and smiled,

"Never mind. Let's go."

* * *

Mizuko had been helping the ukes get ready when she asked Itachi (whose hair she was brushing because she just loved fawning over her 'daughter-in-law'), "Itachi, isn't there something... special about today?" The brunette thought for a moment before replying,

"Um... I'm not quite sure..." Itachi mused aloud as he thought. "Is there something I should have-"

"No no!" Mizuko shook her head, "Don't bother yourself! Now, let's get going and have some fun!" Mizuko hummed the last part as she walked out of the house. Itachi sighed,

"I'll never understand my in-laws...", but he shook it off and went to follow his husband's mother.

* * *

After what seemed like ages upon ages of prep, the buses were finally were arriving in downtown Domino City.

Well... The seme bus was slowly making its way to its location. A certain someone had lost the directions to the club and since they hadn't gotten their GPS fixed since the first challenge, Germany was basically driving blind while Sasuke yelled to his brother via mobile. "ITACHI! Where in God's name did you guys turn? … Wait, on Kuriboh Avenue? Where the hell is Kuriboh Avenue? … If I _saw_ it would I be CALLING YOU? I-"

"Sasuke, did you forget your Prozac?" Kisame muttered as he took the phone, "Hi 'Tachi~! … So yeah, we're kind of lost and- I can barely hear you, what's going on?"

* * *

In the dark of the club, Itachi yelled into his phone, "We're already at the club! I wish you guys had paid more attention where we were driving and- No, Poland, don't you dare! Stop grinding there~!"

* * *

That last groan caused Kisame to growl and shove Germany out of the driver's seat with a grunt of 'Move."

"Kisame, what's wrong?" Zabuza asked, "Did Itachi tell you where they are-"

Kisame abruptly slammed his foot on the gas pedal, rushing the car through the heavy traffic, the semes screaming all the while.

* * *

Finally... _FINALLY_, the semes arrived at the club. After shoving their ways through the paparazzi, they made it inside the building. It was a splendid establishment decorated with dark colors and jungle-fauna in appropriate areas to give it a wild feel. The pulsating lights and booming music just added to the aura of dancing, primal-urges, and...

"Oh, _this_ is going to be fun." Kisame smirked as he and Team Seme walked into the club. They had barely begun the search for their ukes when a voice cried out,

"Welcome to Black Tyranno's!" The voice belonged to a young man dressed in a yellow vest and fatigues that did nothing but show off his bulging muscles. He gave a sharp grin as he readjusted his dinosaur bandana over his braids and added, "I'm the owner of this establishment and your host Tyranno Hassleberry Kenzan!"

_**(Ding!**_** … You all had to know this was coming. My pen-name is 'Tyranno's girl'! The fic is taking place in Domino City! I'm using characters from Yu-Gi-Oh! GX! I have been making references to the Yu-Gi-Oh! Franchise for so long, I... Gah! Whatever, Tyranno's still my dino.)**

"Aren't you the entrepreneur..."

"Well, professional dueling can only pay ya so much!" Tyranno chuckled as he walked behind the counter and pulled up a few bottles of alcohol, "What's your poison?"

"Are you old enough to be handling liquor?" Professor Oak asked as he and Orochimaru decided to sit at the counter and place their orders. Tyranno growled and asked, pointing behind them,

"Is _he_ old enough to be drinkin' it?" They all looked and saw Roy, despite Marth's dismay, knocking back a full pitcher of beer. Kisame nodded,

"You raise a valid point sir. Just give me a beer to start off with." As Tyranno took orders and poured out drinks, Orochimaru decided to ask, between sips of his sake,

"All this work and responsibility for someone so young... One would wonder what you do with your time off." Tyranno finished with the drinks before he replied, wiping the counter,

"Yeah, well I have someone very precious to me that helps take away some of the-"

"Hey Tyranno!" A small bluenette with large-frame glasses on his cute face walked over and continued, "I can't find the menus that you laid out for tonight!" Tyranno sighed with a smile,

"Syrus, did you look in the back room?"

"But..." Syrus whined, readjusting his glasses, "It's scary back there when the club is open~!"

"Okay, okay..." Tyranno chuckled before he simply said, "I guess we can go without said menus just for tonight." Syrus blushed at the patronizing tone,

"Hmph... I could have gone..."

"Sure you could've... Now give me a kiss." Tyranno opened up his arms, a sign of 'come on'. Syrus fidgeted on his feet for a moment, blushing more, before he simply leaned forward over the bar, gave Tyranno a quick peck on the cheek and rushed off. "Say hi to Jaden for me!" When Syrus was gone, Russia began,

"Oh, so that's your..." Abruptly, another call interrupted the large nation,

"TyTy-kun~!"

"JessJess-chan!" JessJess (Jesse Anderson) was basically Jaden Yuki with blue hair, an obsession for jewelry, and a southern accent. He was a bit older than Syrus, so his body had more of a curvy shape to it. When the southern bluenette walked over, Tyranno smiled, "How's my little sapphire doin'?"

"Hmph." Jesse pouted, "I reckon he would be better if his big strong dinosaur wasn't stuck behind this bar!"

"Sorry babe, but you know that I can't exactly abandon my own club!", Tyranno chuckled receiving a sigh of,

"I guess..."

"Give me a kiss..." Tyranno opened his arms up for Jesse who, unlike Syrus, jumped onto the counter and began a heated make-out with the reptilian-like teen. When the short but spicy action was done, Jesse started to walk away. He didn't get far before Tyranno gave him a firm smack on the rear, smirking, "I'm making this up to ya... Tonight!"

"I'll hold ya to it!" Tyranno turned around just to see Kisame, Russia, Orochimaru, and Prof. Oak looking at him with raised eyebrows. "What? Don't judge me! Variety adds spice to life, in experiences and in bed!" The older semes shook their heads and continued to drink quietly. Until Kisame turned and chuckled,

"Ivan... Isn't that Alfred over there?" Russia gulped down some of his vodka and turned towards where Kisame was looking...

..And immediately saw red.

You see, Korea had spent the night at Uke Manor so he and the other Asian nations arrived at the club along with the ukes to take full advantage of the club life.

There was America... (For lack of a better word) freak-dancing with Japan, Korea, _and_ Thailand to the song 'Land Where the Sun Rises, Jipangu'. Now, America, Korea, and Thailand were just doing their thing, having fun. But Russia's Yandere aura surged up five points for every time Japan's hands would rub over America's body... especially his 'vital regions'! "Save my seat, comrade..." Russia gritted out as he walked over to the, ahem, 'dry-orgy'.

Upon seeing Russia, Thailand and Korea immediately left, saying that they were going to get drinks. Yet America was still into his dancing and Japan didn't notice until Russia's strong grip landed on his shoulder. Kiku gulped looking up and yelping as Russia's smiling face greeted him. "What do you think you are doing? Hm?"

Japan nearly had a heart-attack but he was determined to stand his ground. 'Stay firm, Japan... Remember, you've been watching special aerobics videos just for this situation.'

_The video that Japan had watched? We see a group of Japanese girls practicing aerobics. When the music starts, they begin their routine, all the while chanting:_

"_Take anything you want!_

_Take anything you want!_

_Take anything you want!_

_Take anything you want!"_

Russia took a step forward, Japan immediately yelping, "Take anything you want! **( 8 )**"

"Well then, I think that I shall." Russia chimed before he took America and offered him a drink. Korea and Thailand came back, with China and drinks in tow.

"Aiya! Kiku, what happened to you?" China screamed as he saw his son looking like he had seen a ghost.

'How to respond to that question without seeming like an idiot...' Japan thought to himself.

_Remember that aerobics video? It had another part to it. The Japanese girls were marching in place until the music started. Then they moved on with their routine, chanting:_

"_I was robbed by two men!_

_I was robbed by two men!_

_I was robbed by two men!_

_I was robbed by two men!"_

"Um..." Japan mumbled, "I was robbed... by two men?"

Meanwhile, back at the bar, Tyranno brought up a mic and announced, "Everyone, I know the night has barely started but I do hope y'all are enjoyin' yourselves so far. So relax, have fun, party till the crack of dawn..." He smiled before adding, "And remember: Always practice safe sex!" This got some sweat drops before Tyranno explained to Kisame, "I'm getting paid extra to remind people to practice safe-sex. Besides, that's always been my main rule, practice safe sex. I mean," Tyranno flipped a switch on the bar, a latch opening and showing off a nice collection of sex necessaries. "I've got the condoms and lube right here! Not to mention a couple of sex toys, body spreads varying from chocolate to mint and then some... There's no reason that you can't prepare for the 'main event'!"

"I'm going to go see where my little weasel is hiding..." Kisame stated, taking his drink and leaving Russia to deal with America whining something about how he always scared off the younger's dance partners. Tyranno waved with a,

"Have fun! Let loose! REMEMBER TO PRACTICE SAFE SEX!"

* * *

Itachi had been on the dance floor of one of the club's higher levels, dancing with Hidan, Deidara, and Tobi. 'Now _this_ was needed.' Itachi thought as his dancing got a bit more sensual with Deidara dancing up against him. 'A nice night of relaxing with friends, drinks, unintended flirting...' The last part was added when he saw the hungry stares from normal club-goers. 'And besides the idiots who haven't realized that I'm already married, there is nothing but good people. I mean...' He moved from Deidara to bumping and grinding with Hidan, 'Konan and Pein are here...' He saw the two sitting at a table, Konan trying to get her man up on the dance-floor. 'The semes are.. Somewhere around. There are the Princesses – Wait, WHAT?'

Itachi did a double-take and, sure enough, Peach, Daisy, Zelda, and Midna were standing around a table, looking at hot guys and flirting for the fun of it. "Oh, hell no!" Itachi stomped over and yelled, "Why are you guys here?"

"Scoping out hot stud-cake, why else?" Midna scoffed back, handing a guy her number. Itachi shook his head,

"No! I mean, why aren't you watching the kids?"

"I don't reckon you should worry!" Daisy smiled, "We got a sitter!"

"That was supposed to be your job..." Itachi muttered, just to be ignored when Zelda stated,

"It was a bit pricier than we expected, but it worked out." That last statement caused Itachi to blink and ask,

"Who did you get?"

* * *

"Okay! Thanks to the Princesses paying me 500 dollars..." In the Children's house, who should be explaining the rules of the evening but P.H. (Port Harcourt). "I am in charge, oh." All of the children simply took what P.H. was saying in stride, Alexandr hiding his blush, and Kiro yelling,

"500 dollars?" P.H. Nodded,

"I would have done it for free but, hey, any reason to get out of work is fine for me!" After he said that statement, P.H. Did a quick head-count before he announced, "Let us watch a movie, now!" After the cheers from most of the children subsided, P.H. Looked around the entertainment center for a DVD to put in. "Let's see, we have... a lot of Disney Princess films. Hm... 'Cinderella', 'Beauty and the Beast', 'The Princess and the Frog'..." He finally decided to put in Snow White. When the movie started, he made sure that all the kids were comfortable before he stated, "You all can call me when the movie ends. I'll be in the kitchen starting on dinner! Yell if you need anything!"

When the older boy left, Mizuki moved next to Alexandr, who was hiding his blushing face in Boris's fur. Mizuki sighed, "The phrase 'stalker' was made for people like you."

"Burn in hell..." Alexandr muffled out.

* * *

The contestants and their friends weren't the only ones at the club. No, the judges got free passes as well. Shuichi had been dancing on the stage with the live entertainment (it alternated between various Vocaloids and actual musicians.) when he saw the love of his life, Eiri Yuki, drinking at one of the tables.

"YUKI~!" He cried out in joy as he jumped down onto said table. When he landed, he cooed, "Yuki, I love you~!" Just to have the blonde novelist shove him away with a,

"Please don't act like an idiot around me." Leaving behind Shuichi's tears and whines, we could go on and see Bayonetta having a drink with her three lovers and after that we land on Finland standing near a bar with the other Nordic nations (Sweden, Denmark, Norway, and Iceland). Tino had actually gone and ordered a drink, but...

"Hey!" Denmark cheered as Finland came back with four mugs of beer, "Finny got the booze! Alright!" Yet, Finland blinked before he spoke,

"Oh, um wait... You thought this was for you?" The Nordics all froze before Iceland asked,

"Are you saying that all that is for you?"

"Just something to give me a bit of bravery for tonight." Tino smiled before he got to work on mug number one...

Then mug number two...

Then mug number three...

And, finally, mug number four. Afterwards... "WHOO! It's time to party-hardy~!" Yeah, Finland always was looser and more fun when he was drunk. So anytime the Nordics went out to a club or a rock concert, he would make sure to go to the bar first thing.

"Gr't. Now I'll h've t' keep an eye on 'im all night." Sweden groaned as his drunk 'wife' was tugging him towards the dance-floor to dance.

* * *

"Should we..." Canada asked as he and Sheik set a large bowl on their table. "Open it?"

"I suppose. All that work shouldn't go to waste." Sheik nodded. After a few more slow breaths, the two opened the bowl to reveal layer after layer of ooey, gooey, delicious-looking cookies. Both blondes took a cookie and, after wishing each other luck, ate them.

Then they waited. After a few minutes, Sheik asked, "Do you... feel anything yet?"

"No, eh. I hope all the ingredients aren't neutralizing each other." Canada sighed.

* * *

"Hey~! Hey Bartender! Bartender! Hey~! Listen! Hey! Listen! Bartender! Hey Bartender!"

Tyranno was growling and gritting his teeth, currently trying to dry a glass and not strangle the living hell out of the drunken, red-haired general/prince at the bar. Roy had gotten a nice buzz going on but he still wanted another drink. "Bartender~! Hey! Hey, listen!"

"God, you've already had enough and the night isn't half-way over yet!" Tyranno roared, his eyes shifting from normal brown to reptilian green. Whereas most of the bar had been shaken by how loud the roar was, but Roy simply sniffled and whined,

"Oh, I get it! It's because I'm half-dragon, isn't it!"

"Roy, I swear to goddess if you keep using that excuse!" Marth yelled from a group that was about to start doing Jell-O-shots. This statement caused Roy to pout,

"Come on! How many times have I said it?"

"Over 9000 –!" Abruptly, the person was cut off with someone smacking him upside the head and saying,

"Shut up Vegeta. **( 9 )**" When the air was clear, every Nintendo character in the room announced,

"It's actually been 10,932 times."

"..." Roy almost didn't want to hear the news but he started sniffling. "No one likes me. I'm so lonely~!" He sobbed as he planted his face on the counter. Tyranno sighed before he ruffled the young swordsman's hair,

"There there... I know how you feel, I mean, I have dinosaur DNA coursin' through me." Roy blinked and looked up, smiling through the tears in his eyes.

"YOU KNOW MY PAIN!" He cried as he tried to hug the other, Tyranno blocking him with a,

"Boy, get the heck off me!"

* * *

"Aster~!" Jaden whined as he poked his lover, who was dozing off on their table. "Why don't you want to dance with me~?" Just to have the white-haired teen reply,

"I don't dance... Destiny forbids it..."

"Oh, who are you, Neji?

* * *

Speaking of which, let's see what Neji was doing. Ah, here we go. Said Hyuuga was currently... Trying to convince his own little lover to dance. He wasn't alone, Naruto was trying to convince the angry red-head to have some fun.

"Gaara! Come on, we have freedom to do whatever the heck we want! Let loose a little!" Gaara simply rolled his eyes and muttered,

"Leave me alone." The Hokage sighed and let Neji try.

"Come on, my little Tanuki – Ack!" Neji was interrupted by a foot to the chest when Gaara frowned,

"How many times do I have to tell you to stop saying that?"

* * *

Americans love to dance, so it would have been no surprise to see the personification of the US of A getting down on the dance floor. However, as we have learned from the Disney movie 'The Emperor's New Groove', you don't throw off someone's groove! You just don't do it! A young woman had been trying to meet her date across the floor and accidentally bumped into America, the blonde snapping, "Hey! Grr... Watch where you're going!" He then pouted, "What is with you people **( 10 )**?"

Cue the record scratch.

"What was that..?" One person asked.

"What do you mean..?"

"..'You people'?", Tyranno finished up. Before he knew it, he had a gang of people coming towards him. America gulped,

"Oh crap, not again. Um... Well... I..." He turned his head, "Russia, help me out here!"

"Erm..." Almost immediately, Russia rushed off to God knows where.

"Oh you asshole! Don't leave me!" When the gang of people was just about to attack, Russia came back with his good friend, Nigeria.

"We have one black friend! We have one black friend!"

"What is going here, now?"

"Aw..." The group groaned before dispersing. When things calmed back down, Russia smiled,

"There, don't you appreciate me being friends with Nigeria? Hm?" America sighed,

"Yeah... I guess it's better than being friends with –" All of a sudden, Nigeria covered his mouth, stating,

"Just call me saving you from yourself, now."

* * *

"Let's see..." It was dinner-time back at the Children's House, and P.H. was preparing the ingredients for each person's dinner. "Pasta for Isabella; anything over-loaded with hot peppers, hot sauce, and wasabi for Mizuki... There's a slab of beef in the freezer for Hun; and two large salmon for Boris; Grilled cheese for Devlin; macaroni and cheese for Ken; Ongakuhana's dinner is waiting in the backyard; Kiro, Kire, and Kira like tomato soup; Saya is fond of salad (as long as it has lots of dressing); Delirium wanted apple pie and Demise wanted Cherry pie; Saso wanted tuna; and Ethan... Huh, Ethan's food choice is all faded out, oh." The ten year-old was busy getting things ready when Alexandr walked in and sat at the counter.

He was about to set a pot of water on the stove when he looked over and gasped, "Alexandr! What are you doing here, don't you like the movies?"

"I'd rather help you here." The snow-haired boy replied simply.

"But..." P.H. was about to protest when Alexandr gave him a glare that one would only think Belarus could pull off. "O...kay. Well, what do you want to eat?" P.H. Asked before he smiled and brought out a frying pan, "I could always make you a burger, now!" Alexandr's face immediately paled.

"No... Please, don't. **( 11 )**"

* * *

Itachi had taken a break from dancing, currently nursing a Long Island Iced Tea at a small table. Well, also, he was watching Kisame and Russia dancing to the song 'Safety Dance'. After a while, America strolled over, laughing,

"Oh man, I haven't even danced to Safety Dance in ages!", before he sat down and ordered a Jack N' Off.

"They're having fun, that's the important thing." Itachi smiled. Alfred hummed,

"I suppose.", before accepting his drink when it arrived. After a few sips, he murmured, "You know... It actually makes sense." Itachi blinked and raised an eyebrow,

"How?"

"Well, you know, back when Alexandr was born..." Alfred began, laying his feet up on the table.

_A long-haired America is sitting down in a rocking-chair, wearing a blue maternity-gown (it was forced...) and holding a sleeping baby to his chest. Just as the small one started cooing in response to his mother's warmth, the door opened revealing, who else, but Russia. America rolled his eyes and huffed, "Hey bastard, here to see your son?" Russia smiled that unchanging smile and nodded as he walked over. As the larger nation moved closer, Alfred could see that he had a piece of paper in his hand. When Ivan started speaking to the baby in Russian, Alfred asked, "What is that?" Ivan blinked before giving Alfred the piece of paper. After some careful readjusting, Alfred was able to read it. It was a list of names. Russian names. "You've gotta be kidding me..." America frowned. Russia shook his head and answered,_

_"This is the list of names from which you can choose our son's name. I went through almost every book I could find, so choose well." America groaned,_

_"But I wanted to name him something cool and heroic, like Clark or Bill... Or George." Russia smiled._

_"No. It shall be one of these." Alfred sighed, there was no winning this. So he looked at the names and, after some careful reading, he realized something._

_"These are all boy names."_

_"Da."_

_"Didn't it ever occur to you that your first-born might be a girl?" Russia shook his head._

_"Why? We did not have a girl, we had a beautiful baby boy."_

_"But! Oh..." Alfred skimmed over the names, trying to get the one that sounded the least Russian. As he went through them, he asked, "What if your son wants to take dance lessons while all the other kids are playing sports?" Ivan seemed to think for a moment before standing and answering,_

_"Well, if he wants to... He can dance if he wants to..." He looked at America and the baby. "He can leave his friends behind..."_

_"What?" Alfred blinked._

_"Cause his friends don't dance, and if they don't dance then they're... No friends of mine!" Then Russia promptly began to dance out of the room, making sure to lock the door back up, lest the blonde try anything funny _**( 12 )**_._

_"What the hell?" America groaned. The baby whined softly._

"And he walked away dancing to 'Safety Dance'." Itachi couldn't help but find himself lightly chuckling to the story,

"That's something Kisame would do, I'm sad to say." America sipped at his drink before starting up again,

"Speakin' of which, what attracted you to Big Blue in the first place? I mean..." He looked over to the dancing duo, "He's not _ugly_... But..." He stopped when he noticed the deadly aura that Itachi was exuding. "Damn it, I can never say the right thing!"

"I'm just going to stop you right now, mister Yankee." Itachi sighed before he rested his elbow on the table and nestled his hand on the palm of his hand. "I can't just say... one thing. Kisame is the world's sweetest guy covered in the most ferocious exterior. He knows what to say at any given moment, he's smart, despite what everyone thinks, and, in my own opinion, he's drop-dead handsome. He's a great father, an even better husband, and an excellent politician. But the best thing, I think, is that he _gets_ me. I don't have to over-explain myself to him and he'll only persist if something is genuinely wrong." America blinked,

"Wow.", just for Itachi to smirk and state,

"And the sex is amazing, in case you were wondering." The weasel swirled the contents of his glass before asking Alfred, "What about you and Russia?"

"You mean the big guy?" America chuckled, "Well, truth be told, I never thought I would be with anyone as long as I've been with Vanya. We originally had the worst times seeing eye to eye, that whole mess with the Cold War, but after all the fights and the yelling... I don't know. I liked him because he was almost my opposite; the cold to my hot, the quiet to my loud, the –"

"Big to your small?" Itachi smirked, causing Alfred to fume,

"Don't make me smack ya now!" But the heroic nation rolled his eyes, "But, I guess if you want to go that way. My family is usually there for me, yeah, but ever since Russia forced me to marry him and Alexandr came into the picture..." Alfred sighed and closed his eyes for a few moments. When he opened them, "But I don't know what I would do with the big guy over there. Did I mention that sex with him is like – I don't know how to go about explainin' it!"

Both males laughed for a bit, Itachi brushing some of his hair behind his ear. At the gesture, America's eyes shined and he whistled,

"Whoo! Hold up for a minute there!" Itachi stopped, allowing Alfred the opportunity to take his hand and regard the ring on his finger. "Look at that piece of hand candy!" America smiled. He was talking about the gold ring engraved with Mother of Pearl and centered with a large sapphire surrounded by two diamonds.

"You're just now noticing it?" Itachi shook his head. "Yeah, this is my wedding-ring. I almost fainted when Kisame gave this to me..." America looked at the ring before he decided, not wanting to be outdone, to remove one of his gloves, revealing a gold ring with a ruby, a diamond, and a sapphire in the center.

"Red, white, and blue. Don't even ask me where Ivan got this, I'm not sure I want to know." Just Itachi was going to bring up another point, the Djs decided to change the song. When the blonde recognized it, he cheered, "Come on! Let's go show off our married selves to the others! Come on!" Itachi managed to get out,

"Wait, what? Wah!", before America pulled him onto the dance floor.

_All the Single Ladies!_

_(All the Single Ladies!)_

_All the Single Ladies!_

_(All the Single Ladies!)_

_All the Single Ladies!_

_(All the Single Ladies!)_

_All the Single Ladies!_

_(All the Single Ladies!)_

_All the Single Ladies!_

_Now put your hands up!_

"You've got to be kidding me..." Itachi shook his head, but found it even funnier that America seemed to know every step of the dance that went with the song. "You know what, it's a party!" Itachi gave up and just decided to have fun.

* * *

After their little show, Itachi was leading America back to the bar for another drink. Along the way, Deidara joined them and they walked on until the tell-tale sign of baked laughter caught up to their ears. "10 to an even that's Sheik and Canada." America muttered and, when they followed the noises, sure enough, Sheik and Canada were rolling around laughing from being _completely _stoned. Matthew was even trying to rip off Sheik's tunic so he could rub cookie crumbs on the Sheikaiah's chest.

"Should I even ask?" Itachi yelled. At the yell, both blondes looked up and Sheik called over,

"Oh man, you guys _have_ to try these cookies!"

"We baked them before we came to the club, eh? They're so..." Canada began, before snatching a cookie from the still-pretty-full bowl and shoving it into his mouth, getting chocolate all over his lips and face, "Amazing!" America was about to try one when he took a whiff and was immediately sent back to his times of incense and peppermints.

"Matthew? Sheik? What exactly did you put in these things?" They actually had to repeat the question three times before Matthew stopped trying to take off his own shirt and replied,

"Um... Well, I put in some of my stress medication." He busted up laughing before he tried to whisper, "It's just marijuana! And also, um..."

"I added some red potion, some blue potion, and some ChuChu Jelly that I bought off of Toon Link." Sheik added, tugging at Canada's shirt, wondering why it was still on. Canada laughed again before he stated,

"We also ground up these teeny, tiny pink pills that I found in Gilbert's luggage and put that in there... It was fun!" As if by fate, Prussia had been within ear-shot of them.

"Oh shit..." Gilbert gulped. "So that's what happened to the ecstasy that I packed..." He walked over and gasped as he saw the scene. "Birdie! This is not awesome!"

"Thank God someone here has some sense, un..." But then Prussia smirked,

"How could you be having an orgy here without me, kesesesese!"

"Oh God," America groaned, "Itachi, get me to the bar before I see something I'm not meant to!"

"Too late!" Canada called out before Prussia jumped onto him and latched their mouths together, Canada matching the claiming of his mouth with upward thrusts of his hips.

"Oh..." Sheik pouted, "I don't have anyone to..." The Sheikaiah smiled as he saw Link and Dark Link drinking White Russians at the bar. "Two for one~!" The blonde smiled as he steadied himself to walk over. "Matthew, watch the cookies, will you?"

"Oh God~!"

"That's a good boy." Sheik nodded as he left the two nations to their business. He was still a bit dizzy but he knew that he had made it over when he saw both Links' reactions.

"Sheik..." Link gulped, "You look..."

"Amazing." Dark Link finished, letting red eyes move over Sheik's frame. They were, of course, astounded by Sheik's outfit. It was his usual Sheikaiah garb, but instead of blue or red it was black and silver. Also, his hair had been sprayed white, providing an all new experience for those who knew the normally subdued youth.

"You like it?" Sheik smiled, "Thank the goddesses. I was beginning to think that Poland had gone too far." He took a few more steps until he was close enough to Link that they could stare nowhere but each other's eyes.

"Sheik, are you ok –?" In the blink of an eye, Sheik had unwrapped the area of mask around his mouth and shoved his lips into his blonde lover's. Link's initial reaction was to push away, but the part of his mind that was yelling about how their sex-schedule had been thrown askew by these games eventually won out. A groan arose from his throat before he wrapped his arm around the smaller's waist. Needless to say, Dark Link was feeling a bit left out.

"Always leaving out the black twin I see..." He murmured but was pleasantly surprised when Sheik grabbed his hand and pushed it into his crotch, a slight shiver raking through the Sheikaiah's body. "Oh. This works." Dark Link smiled before moving forward and removing some of the bandages around the smaller's neck so that he could rest his lips on a sensitive patch of skin, sucking hard enough to leave a mark.

The slight touch was enough to send Sheik's intoxicated nerves into over-drive. That and, he had his two favorite people pleasuring him in public. Sheik pulled away and breathed out, "I want... the both of you... inside me..." Both Links merely stood there, minds short-circuiting over what they had just heard.

What snapped them out of it was Tyranno stating, "I have condensed milk-flavored lube~"

"Yoink!" Link muttered as he took the bottle.

* * *

We enter the scene with all of the children enjoying their separate dinners. "Open up the tunnel..." P.H. smiled as he was trying to feed Ken the macaroni and cheese he had made. Ken squirmed a bit before opening his mouth for the spoon. "There, good isn't it?" P.H. felt a tap on his shoulder and turned to see Devlin frowning,

"I'll feed him. Give me the spoon." P.H., rather than start a fight, gave up the spoon. Isabella had all but inhaled her pasta and smiled,

"Ve... Your pasta is really good P.H.! Can I have some more?"

"Sure thing, I'll be right back!" The boy took the plate and walked into the kitchen. While they ate in relative silence (the talkative ones talking, the quiet ones... not), Ethan looked over towards Mizuki and blinked at the boy's food.

"Mizuki... What's with your food?"

"Hm?" The boy in question hummed back, letting Ethan add,

"Your croquette... It looks like Christmas time." Mizuki looked at his croquette and noticed the swirls of green and red in it.

"This? It's a habanero-wasabi swirl croquette." Ethan could only blink,

"'Habanero... Wasabi? I've never had those before." This caused Mizuki to stay still a moment before he smiled, a rare action for the boy.

"Oh they're... Specialty foods. Like Amber candy, or cloud cakes." Hun had to stop himself from laughing by putting his hands over his blood-sticky face as Ethan smiled,

"Really, can I try some then?" Mizuki allowed it and the shy blonde took a small forkful and tasted it. "Hm... Eep!" His face turned such a vibrant shade of pain-filled red.

"AAAHHH! SOMEONE, WATER, MILK, MAPLE SYRUP, ANYTHING!"

"What's going on, is someone dying, now?"

* * *

"Say um..." Scotland began as he walked over to England, "Arthur, I wanted to ask ye something."

"If it's to be your designated driver, then bug off." England replied, not noticing the blush on his older brother's face. Yet Scotland shook his head and spoke on,

"I was about to ask someone here out and wanted to ask your permission." This statement alone caused England to set his drink down and ask,

"And who was this lucky lady?" The red-head smirked and pointed behind his younger brother and when England looked over, he immediately frowned, "Paul, tell me this is a joke."

"Why would it be?"

"So, you're honestly asking for my permission to date one of my exes."

"Hm... Yeah!"

England rolled his eyes but then had to ask, "But why Nigeria?"

"Are you kiddin' me, boyo?" Scotland yelled at his younger brother in disbelief, "The woman's a prime example of African beauty! Not to mention..." Scotland wrapped an arm around England's shoulder and moved them so they could see Nigeria, who was leaning over the bar counter to get a bottle of wine. "Look at her ass... ets."

"Fine!" Arthur huffed, "If you want her, take her!" He inwardly smirked, 'Two of my headaches will permanently be out of my hair that way...'

"Yes!" Scotland whooped before straightening himself up a bit and walking over. England watched on as Scotland introduced himself, receiving a frown and a face full of wine for his efforts. When Paul walked back, England smirked,

"That went nicely." Scotland returned the gesture with a,

"What? I like my women feisty!"

* * *

After so many hours and so many drinks, things were getting a bit wild. It seemed that the main artists of the night were Lady Gaga and Ke$ha, because every other song that was played was one of theirs.

In fact, we can zoom in and see Kevin and Ben dancing to 'Just Dance'. At least until...

"Agh! Hating this!"

...Kevin tripped on a bug.

* * *

"So..." Marth blinked at the small cups on the table. "How do these work again?"

"Well..." Count D began, "I suppose one of us should get on the table and take their top off." Before China was able to say anything, Sonic rushed over and took off his shirt, exclaiming,

"Here, I'll show you!", and then lying on his back on the table.

"Aren't these... body-shots, aru?" China asked, a bit confused.

"Like, ooh! Are we doing Jell-O body-shots?" Poland asked before he walked over and chimed, "Me first!" He took one cup and tipped it upside down until the multi-colored alcohol-filled gelatin landed over Sonic's belly-button.

"Okay, that's cold!" Sonic laughed at the tickling from the cool treat. Poland disregarded it and went to work. The blonde gently lapped around the edge of the Jell-O before he opened up his mouth to suck up and swallow the treat. "Damn..." The bluenette moaned, despite himself, "Poland, get off before I do something that I'll regret..." Feliks removed his lips and wiped at his chin, smirking,

"I'm just that good, aren't I?"

* * *

After another hour or so, P.H noticed that some of the kids were getting tired. "Alright, time to get ready for bed."

"We're not sleepy~!" Kire whined, struggling to keep his eyes open.

"None of that, now. Bed time, let's go." At P.H.'s last statement, there were more groans (or were they yawns) but everyone started going towards their respective rooms nonetheless.

* * *

"Oh, I could watch these ukes have fun _all_ night." Kakuzu smiled as he ordered a drink and sat down with the two other older semes, Orochimaru and Prof. Oak.

"Amen to that." Orochimaru smirked, clinging his glass against the brunette's. The three proceeded to watch on as the ukes danced, experimented, and simply had fun before the moment was ruined by Prof. Oak's cell-phone going off.

"Oh, excuse me for a moment!" The professor chuckled nervously before he walked away and took the call.

"What's his deal?" Kakuzu asked, drinking his whiskey. Orochimaru shrugged,

"Something special he's planning for Tracy, who knows."

* * *

"Um... Not that it's any of my business, but..." Tyranno began, just for an angry red-haired puppet and a perturbed bluenette rich-boy to yell back,

"Stay out of this!" Afterwards,

"Why do you keep trying to ruin my relationship?" Sasori yelled at James, officially sick of the bluenette's intrusions, "What do you have against me? Why don't you go back to Jessie or Jessibelle or something?" After the outburst, James smirked and spoke,

"The real reason? Fine, I'll tell you." He hummed before continuing, "The first and foremost thing is that I want to be there for my son. That's why, despite your whines and protests, I will simply come around once in a while. And as for what do I have against you?" The bluenette chuckled before ruffling a hand through Sasori's hair. "Don't take it personally, Sasori... I _despise _redheads." Before the puppet could react, James moved his hand and proceeded to walk away with a, "See you soon, Sasori."

"GAAHH!" The redhead screamed, "I need a beer!" Tyranno tossed one over and Sasori, being the ninja that he is, caught it without looking.

* * *

Now, as a note to the more impressionable audience, drinking is bad, m'kay? But once you become an adult, it becomes very, very good.

...Even if you get a bunch of good-looking people dancing to Ke$ha's 'Take it Off'. And even when some people were taking the bridge of the song too seriously. As the body glitter and glow-in-the-dark body paint was being passed around, shirts (and even some pants) were discarded in favor of glowing like a nuclear plant. Even with the lights of the club being dimmed, there was a camera going around and taking footage of some of the club-goers.

First, we see Prussia and Canada still making out. Now they were trying to smear red paint into each other's hair.

Then it panned over to, who else, but that silver-haired god of video games Sephiroth. He was dancing with his lover (our favorite chocobo-head) Cloud Strife. The only reason you could see them through the darkness was that their hands had been drenched in gold and silver paint and every touch that they gave each other resulted in shimmering splotches.

Even Naruto had gotten Gaara into a one-sided paint-balloon fight (Naruto was doing all the throwing, Gaara just glared at him through the mess of glowing orange and red).

By the time the song was done, the whole place looked like an out-take from 'The Yellow Submarine'. All the colors of the rainbow, with none of the sense.

* * *

"Hey! There you are!" Kisame laughed as he finally managed to find Itachi, the brunette sitting at the main bar. Itachi chuckled,

"You act as though you've been looking for me all night!" Kisame rolled his eyes,

"Do you really want to know how true that statement is?" Before either party could add anything, who should walk over but Mizuko.

"Hi Kisame!", the petite woman chimed. Kisame was about to stand up and hug her when he noticed something going on with the main stage. He blinked,

"Mother, what's Dad doing on the stage?"

"About to remind you what was so important about today..." Mizuko winked at both of them. "Unless you already remembered, that is."

Both Kisame and Itachi thought for a second before, "I'm drawing a blank."

"Same here."

"You two are hopeless...", Mizuko sighed. "But then again, you were just this confused about a year ago. Remember? All that blue and white, such a beautiful event..." Finally, it clicked.

"No way..." Kisame shook his head in sheer disbelief. Itachi shared the sentiment,

"I know... This is something I would expect only _you_ to do." Rather than retort, Kisame kept silent: this was embarrassing enough without trying to protest.

They'd only been married for a year and a half, how did they forget their anniversary?

"This is so sad..." Kisame chuckled, "God, I'm pathetic! I didn't have a gift set aside just in case!" Itachi muttered,

"I'm still trying to figure out how _I _forgot about today." Then he sighed, "I guess these games have just been taking all of my attention." Both males heaved a big sigh, causing Mizuko to give both of them reassuring pats on the shoulder.

"It's okay... This evening isn't a total loss."

"How do you figure?" Itachi frowned, wondering if there was emo-corner he could go hide and wallow in his despair.

"Well..." Mizuko began, "You two are alive, healthy, together, and enjoying yourselves. It's only been a year but what a year it's been, huh? And Mizuki is such a little dear, you can at least celebrate the union that brought him into being. What do you say?" This was a cause for thought, it seemed: Itachi nodded and Kisame smiled,

"It's been a crazy year, huh?"

"Understatement of the year." Itachi was about to order a drink (maybe he could find something for them to share) when the music started. "There's no way."

"Is that the..?", Kisame began before he realized, "The song from our wedding? Oh man, I haven't heard this in forever!" Despite everything, Mizuko pulled up her son and her extremely beautiful, graceful, and wonderful 'daughter-in-law' and shoved them towards the center of the dance-floor.

"Go on, dance! It's your anniversary!" Both males found themselves with the attention of the room, especially when blue and red spotlights shined on them. After a moment, Itachi smirked,

"You heard your mother, come on." Kisame merely chuckled; how was he supposed to refuse his mother and his wife? He held out his hand and asked,

"May I have this dance?"

"Idiot." Itachi scoffed, taking the larger man's hand just as Nokoru belted out,

"_Laughing at the beauty of Infinity... _

_Laughing at the beauty of Insanity... _

_Laughing at the beauty of Infinity... _

_Laughing at the beauty of Insanity... _

_The distant sky, in the noise of the revolving ring of flowers...  
That day... Yes, on that day... The moment that I cross over, I wake up...  
Sketch the flame in the haze and pursue the girl playing in the street...  
Someone whose name I don't know appeared on the high ground and its moving..._

_Laughing at the beauty of Insanity... _

_Laughing at the beauty of Infinity... _

_That road seen in a dream and the shadow's voice murmurs...  
The coming days too... The coming days too... Thousands of hours crossing over...  
The wise man in the darkness is assembling the meanings that were cast aside...  
On the coast lands... On the coast lands... The invisible flames were made to dance..._

_Aah, the mantle goes up in fire from loquacity...  
Congratulate the one standing up in the abandoned field...  
Aah, it's peaceful... So peaceful... The girl's field of vision...  
Aah, in the strange city the lamp is lit..."_

The dance was more of a ballroom waltz, something that really didn't belong in a night-club, but it didn't matter. On one spin, Kisame whispered, "I really could just up and kiss you right now."

"In front of all these people and cameras?" Itachi raised an eyebrow, "You'd better not."

"_Laughing at the beauty of Infinity... _

_Laughing at the beauty of Insanity... _

_The high sky, the dyed scarlet day's flame-like cloud patterns...  
That day... On that day... At that time show me the road that was lost...  
Repeating, the resounding dream, the time of chasing the wind descends...  
Along the river... Along the river... The invisible scarlet flower was spotted..._

_Aah, the mantle goes up in fire from its loquacity...  
Congratulate the one standing up in the abandoned field...  
Aah, it's peaceful... So peaceful... That girl's field of vision...  
Aah, in the strange city the lamp is lit..._  
_  
Aah, the mantle goes up in fire from loquacity...  
Congratulate the one standing up in the abandoned field...  
Aah, it's peaceful... So peaceful... That girl's field of vision...  
Aah, in the strange city the lamp is lit..._

Laughing at the beauty of Insanity... **( 13 )**_"_

As the music slowed down, Kisame stopped their movements and, right as Itachi was about to say that the music wasn't over yet, the weasel found his lips covered with that of the shark that held him. Oh, a simple gesture, yes, but to someone like Itachi who, during these games, had learned just how much he appreciated these small movements...

"_Laughing at the beauty of Infinity..."_

It was only interrupted when there was an uproar of cheers from both sides. "Whoo! Go Itachi, yeah!" America and Deidara cheered.

"Are you two drunk?" Itachi asked.

"Hell yes, un!" Deidara replied, just as Alfred collapsed to the floor.

* * *

"Good night Isabella." P.H. smiled as the blonde girl kissed a framed picture of Germany and N. Italy before snuggling into the comforters. He walked to the next room, Ethan's, and made sure that Donner was all set up on her roost. Then he looked at the dresser, more specifically, the empty glass resting on it. "Did you drink the milk?"

"Yeth (Yes)..." Ethan tried to respond through a burnt tongue. He merely removed his glasses and brought up his blankets.

Next were the Hoku Triplets... Who were fussing again, this time over the blanket that they had torn but it had been sewn back together.

"If we just settle down, we can all share the blanket!" Kiro fumed, but Kire fussed,

"I don't want to share it with you!"

_Thirty minutes of fighting later..._

"Good night Kiro, Kire, and Kira..." P.H. sighed as he had finally succeeded in tucking the trio in. Next was Saya. The burgundy-haired girl had just finished tying up her hair and Shimmer (you know, giant pet spider) was helping to tuck her in. "You're already nice and ready for bed, aren't you now?" Just before P.H. was about to leave, Saya held up a large book. "What's this, oh?"

"My story-book. My... Daddy reads me a story every night. I was thinking that maybe you could..." P.H. smiled and opened the book,

"Sure thing..."

_Two stories later..._

P.H. silently closed the door of Saya's room behind him before moving on to the next, Delirium and Demise's. The twins were already sleeping when he entered, so he merely straightened up the room and dimmed the lights before leaving.

Saso was up studying when P.H. walked in. "No use in staying up too late, is there, ano sa?" The blonde-bluenette softly spoke, closing the book and setting it to the side. He then looked at all the dolls around him before he frowned, "Where's Midori-san, ano sa?" P.H. looked around and saw a doll with a green dress on the floor. He picked it up and brushed its hair back before he handed it to Saso,

"Is this her?"

"Yes." Saso nodded, sitting the doll next to his pillow. "Good night."

(Section Break - Because FanFiction's editing policy is crap...)

"Ongakuhana!" P.H. called out in the back yard, "It's time for bed!"

"Five more minutes!" The girl chuckled back, leaving the brunette boy to grit out,

"You said that 25 minutes ago..." But then he called out, "You don't want to be sleeping tomorrow when all your friends are awake, do you?" That seemed to strike something because Ongakuhana, who had been hanging upside down from a tree-branch, stopped.

"Hm... Maybe you're right." She jumped down and then stated, "Okay, let's go!"

(Section Break)

He didn't have to do much with Ken and Devlin (the older brother had already gotten Ken to sleep in his crib), so he simply skipped on to Mizuki and Hun's room. Mizuki was just about to put on a black eye mask when their baby-sitter walked in. "I'm almost in bed, you didn't have to come in."

"Don't mind me." P.H. smiled. He watched as Hun jumped onto the bed, and crawled around in a circle before he laid down. Mizuki shook his head before he laid the mask on and laid beneath the covers. "Good night you two."

Finally, he walked towards Alexandr's room. When he moved to open the door, he was blocked by a mass of brown fur. "Boris, it's me. Let me in." The large bear growled before he moved. P.H. walked in and thankfully noted a chair by Alexandr's large bed.

"That took you longer than it should have." Alexandr frowned. P.H. simply smiled,

"There are a lot of children in this house, I'm surprised I finished in the time that I did." Alexandr didn't reply but simply looked out the window. "What is it?"

"Stars." And, indeed, in the night sky there were thousands of shining stars, shimmering in the velvet blanket of the night.

"Wow, so many... It's almost like back at my house... Or, even better, Mr. Ivan's house!" P.H. stated but then he looked over and saw Alexandr nodding off. "Someone needs to sleep."

"Stay with me." Alexandr asked and P.H. nodded,

"Sure thing."

* * *

Kisame and Itachi walked, hand in hand, back to the bar where Tyranno was sliding a small bag and a set of keys towards them. "What's this?" Itachi blinked. Tyranno simply replied,

"I have a guest room on the third floor of this place. Second room to the left." He picked up a glass and began polishing it, "I hope you catch what I'm getting at here."

"Sure do!" Kisame grabbed both items and took Itachi with him into the elevator just as America yelled something along the lines of,

"Come on everybody, Soul Train line **( 14 )**!"

Inside the elevator, the music seemed to drown out all possible noise. Every so often, the darkness of the elevator would be broken by a flash of club light from the outside.

The first flash, Itachi glanced towards his husband.

The second, Kisame reached into his pocket and turned off his cell-phone.

By the time the elevator arrived at the third floor, Kisame had Itachi pressed up against the wall, one arm helping to hold the brunette's legs around his waist, the other moving to remove the younger's clothes. Lips were reacquainted with one another, rough and blue to soft and pale.

By the time Kisame had managed to get the third latch undone, Itachi broke away for air. The brunette was panting heavily, the lack of air only getting worse when a moan was coaxed out by Kisame's tongue lapping up and down the smooth, pale column of his neck.

"Where's..." He panted out, "That damn... room?" Kisame cracked one eye open and tried to find the room that Tyranno had specified.

"Found it." He murmured, (regrettably) stopping his motions to open the door. The room was nice, a simple blue for the walls and the furniture was all in tasteful Bible black. "Okay, we're in and – Holy crap!" Kisame yelped as Itachi jumped onto him, sending them both to the bed. "Aren't we forceful?" The shark smirked, Itachi kissing him on his right set of gills before gritting out,

"I've gone months without sex, Kisame! I would have thought that you would be just as ready for this as I was. If not more..." Kisame gave a soft chuckle before he began to undo the rest of his wife's shirt.

"Maybe I have more self-control..."

"'Maybe I have more' – Shut up and take off your clothes." Itachi rolled his eyes before he stood up from the bed and removed the rest of his shirt. Kisame removed his own shirt and leaned back onto the headboard before stating,

"Slowly... Make me forget about my troubles." His smiling face was abruptly covered by Itachi's shirt. "Wah..." Kisame groaned, removing the fabric just in time to see Itachi undoing his hair tie, allowing inky, silky strands of hair cascade down his neck and shoulders.

"If you could only stop talking…" Itachi smirked as he leaned forward for another kiss. As lips connected once, twice, Kisame slowly began to descend his hands down Itachi's back and ending with a firm grope at the brunette's backside. His response was slim arms wrapping around his shoulders, a moan sounding from deep inside of him. Blue hands continued on, beginning to undo the various zippers and clips of the brunette's pants. After zipper number three…

"Where the hell did you get these things, Hot Topic Express?" The shark groaned when he finally got the pants off.

"Actually, for your information, Chazz gave them to me." Itachi chuckled as he worked to get rid of the other's pants, carefully moving the zipper down and moving back as the rest of the fabric was brought down.

"So, Itachi… what's ne – Holy mother of..!" He groaned as he felt a moist heat surround him. Itachi had immediately gone down on Kisame, taking that large, thick, wonderful-tasting organ into his mouth; nursing the head, his tongue teasing the slit, and his hand pumping up and down what he couldn't fit into his mouth yet.

"Damn you…" Kisame groaned, his voice turning into a feral growl as Itachi didn't show any sign of letting up.

'Who has more self-control now?', Itachi thought. He probably would have smirked if his mouth wasn't full. By the time Itachi decided to pull away, lapping at the head one last time to collect the taste of precome that had been gathering, Kisame had hardened all the way and quickly pushed Itachi down into the bedding, kissing, licking, suckling down the pale body. As if that wasn't bad enough, Kisame was using his shark-like attributes definitely to his advantage: sharp teeth sinking into feather soft skin just enough to make the nerve-endings flare up in a heated rush, but not enough to tear; rough, sandpapery skin raking all across the skin at haphazard angles. Itachi was sure that if his body hadn't been bright enough to catch up before, it sure as hell was ready for the main event now. Heavy panting fell from his lips, body shining from light perspiration. The weasel wanted to touch himself, tired of waiting for Kisame to get to that part of his anatomy. But Kisame smirked, grabbing his hand away from the area and Itachi groaned as he was completely barred from the area.

"Tell me what you want, Itachi." Kisame rumbled, leaning forward to kiss from Itachi's lips to his chest and then to one of his nipples. "I can't... do anything... unless you tell me..."

"Damn you..." Itachi groaned, "You just want to hear me beg, don't you?"

"Meh." Kisame smirked and, oh, did Itachi want to take the pillow that was behind his back and smack the gesture of the shark's face. But when the soft kisses, joined by the rubbing of rough skin that wasn't unpleasant, got to his legs; specifically his inner thighs...

"Damn..." Itachi moaned, ever since he found out that that area was abnormally sensitive sometimes, Kisame would not let it go. He gave Kisame his best pleading stare and whispered, "Kisame... Fuck me like you did on our wedding night..."

"Was that so hard?" Kisame smiled, barely dodging when one of Itachi's shoes tried to meet his face. But, after that, Kisame decided that it was time to get serious. The bag of 'bedroom-essentials' sat awaiting it's time to shine on the corner of the bed. The bluenette looked through it and surveyed the contents. 'The vibrator, as hot as it would be, we don't need… 'Tachi's my wife, so I don't need the condoms either, so all that I really need…' Kisame thought, his eyes glinting deviously at the items that he had left behind.

Itachi was furiously trying not to touch himself, but found one of his hands at his right nipple, twirling around it slowly. He was content to keep on until Kisame took both of his hands and the sound of metallic clicking found his ears.

"You've got to be shitting me." Itachi blinked, trying to move his hands but receiving the icy sting of metal in response. "Hand-cuffs? Really? Who are you, Germany?" Kisame ignored the comment and fiddled with something in the bag before bringing it out and fastening it to the base of Itachi's erection. Itachi keened when he felt the cock-ring put on, his mind wanting him to say something but he couldn't due to how hot he was getting. "I am going to… kill you when we get home… Trust me on this…" He whimpered as Kisame spread his legs and reached into the bag for one more thing.

Lube, of course. When he opened the bottle, the scent of lavender filled the air, permeating with that of sweat and lust. After lathering his fingers in the silky smooth substance, Kisame lowered himself between long, downy, outstretched legs. He carefully took Itachi's leaking member into his mouth at the same time that he gently pressed a finger into Itachi's entrance.

"Ah…" Itachi moaned, his voice shaky, "God, it's been too long… I feel full with just that finger…" Kisame heard this and knew that prepping his lover would take a little while longer this time.

No matter.

He simply began a slow rhythm of bringing his finger in and out, in and out, trying to get the tight passage to yield to him just a bit so he could add another finger. Oh, but how Itachi's body was going into overload. Usually, he was good at controlling himself until actual penetration (Oh God, _then_ he was a mess) but he hadn't been touched in so long…

"Add another." He whimpered. Kisame raised an eyebrow before removing his mouth from Itachi's member (being sure to mind his teeth),

"You sure?"

"Yes… Just do it." Itachi whined back, and who was Kisame to refuse a weasel's whine? He inserted another finger, waiting until the whines and keens slowed before he began scissoring the digits for a moment before he moved deeper, trying to find the brunette's –

"Yes! There, do it again!" Itachi moaned loudly, trying to shift his hips in order to get more pleasurable pressure on his prostate. Kisame lightly chuckled,

"Thank God…", before he added a third finger. He moved his fingers in and out a few more times before he saw that Itachi was stretched enough. "There we go…" Itachi whined again when the fingers were removed, but as he saw Kisame lubing himself up, he simply laid back as much as the hand-cuffs would allow and awaited the main event.

"Are we going… to now?" Itachi panted. Rather than say anything, Kisame latched his teeth onto Itachi's neck; making sure to set the points into the best areas, distracting Itachi long enough for him to begin pressing the head of his large member inside. He had to growl a couple of times to keep Itachi from moving around so much, but Kisame managed to clear the first hurdle and slowly moved the rest of himself inside the tight, velveteen, scalding heat of his wife. Why had he gone so long without this again?

Oh yeah, Itachi wanted to prove a point.

When Kisame began a slow thrusting, Itachi moaned out loud, pressing back as much as he could. Oh, the feel of his husband inside him; every movement accentuated by rock hard flesh and pulsing veins, was almost indescribable. But he needed more. "Kisame…" Itachi groaned, "Oh Kisame… Faster…" Kisame nodded before he moved Itachi's legs behind his back, the brunette locking them in place, before he started to really make love to his weasel.

"Oh God, oh God, oh God! Ah~!" Itachi moaned, his mind rushing with pure sensation. It was like he was getting high from just the feel of Kisame in him, but with the occasional push against his prostate, and the rubbing of his member against Kisame's rock-hard six-pack, he was being sent into a heated frenzy with every movement. "Kisame~!" He yelled, "Take of the hand-cuffs, for God's sake!" Kisame shook his head, some of his hair sticking to his forehead from the sweat beading up from his work.

"I don't think so… You might start touching yourself if I let you go, and we can't have that…" Itachi could only moan. God, he wanted to cum! He just needed another bit of stimulation! Just when he thought he couldn't take anymore, Kisame lowered himself so that lips could meet again. Itachi moaned, tugging at Kisame's lower lip, then slipping his tongue into the other's mouth.

Kisame figured it was probably time to end this. So, after removing the cock-ring, he took Itachi's member in a rough, lube-slickened hand and began pumping in rhythm with his thrusting.

"No…" Itachi moaned, "I'm not going to… lose it… first…" However, after a few minutes of pumping, he seized up and, with a yell of Kisame's name, he came all over the shark's hand, and both their chests and stomachs. Kisame thrusted into the hot, vice-like entrance for a few more moments before he emptied himself into the younger with a heavy groan. There was a moment of silent recuperation before Itachi gritted out, "So help me God if you don't remove these damn hand-cuffs…"

"Alright, alright, don't your panties in a bunch." Kisame began before he laughed, "Or lack thereof!"

"Get me out already!" Afterwards, Kisame slowly slid himself out of Itachi and quickly removed the hand-cuffs, clicking his tongue at how red the pale wrists now were.

"We've been together for almost ages, we're married now, and you're still this fragile?" Itachi wanted to retort but he thought about himself compared to someone like, say, Kisame's mother who once took him to the Kirigakuran Marshlands and wrestled an alligator for an hour until she was able to snap its neck and take it back home for curry and rice. During his musings, Kisame laid back on the bed, Itachi immediately taking his place on top of his new, muscular mattress.

"So I keep hearing about you whining about being old?" Itachi asked as he nuzzled into Kisame.

"Oh... You heard about that?" Kisame frowned. Itachi sighed, leaning back a bit before speaking up,

"Would you quit going on about your age? Honestly, you've reached goals at your age that thousands of people never get close to!" Itachi thought for a minute before he added, "Besides... You can rock me in the bedroom all-naturally. Apparently, Orochimaru has to use Viagra." The room was quiet... Except for the growing chuckles of one blue-skinned Mizukage. "Oh my God..." The brunette laughed, "Why did I say tha... Oh, Kabuto's going to kill me! Ha ha ha – OH MY GOD!" Kisame was still chuckling, but then again Kirigakurans were always a bit warped, yet he managed to press his fingers into Itachi's still slick and dripping entrance. He had barely recovered from earlier before, his breathing almost shaky as Kisame kissed up his neck.

"One more time?" The shark asked, thrusting his fingers in to brush the sensitive prostate. Itachi hissed as his sated flesh filled, bunching his hair in his hands above him as he licked his lips.

"Yeah. Just… Just give me a minute." Itachi had to cool down, even if only by a fraction. He waved his hands at his face while asking, "Can I ride you?"

"Of course, I can't refuse my wife." Kisame smiled, sitting up against the headboard. Itachi gulped down some more air as he took the discarded lube bottle and poured some into his hands so he could slicken up Kisame's flesh. The motion helped to aid entry and felt really good, if the vibrating moan from the older was anything to go by.

Itachi positioned himself above Kisame's penis, whispering, "You're going to help me, right?" Kisame silently nodded, halting his quirky dialogue for the time being as Itachi slowly descended onto the thick flesh. "Damn it…" He sank down until he could feel Kisame's testicles against his lower cheeks.

"Come on, 'Tachi…" Kisame smirked through the pleasure of the new angle, waiting for a moment to help lift Itachi by his hips; up and down, bringing them both to new heights of pleasure. Itachi tried to help as much as he could, rising himself up and down with his legs as much as he was able. It was _so_ good! God, Kisame may have been his first but there was no way in hell that he could think of going to anyone else when the shark could fuck him damn near senseless like this.

Besides, he had very high standards.

Itachi reached down to touch himself, not caring who came first now, just wanting to get off. Kisame merely kept up his actions, lifting Itachi's spasming frame until they came at the same time, the brunette immediately collapsing into his husband's arms.

"Oh Itachi…" Kisame smiled as he slid out, kissing the younger's neck. "You mean well but you have almost no stamina." As he hummed a bit, he laid down, keeping the dozing Itachi in his arms. "Good night beautiful…"

* * *

It was _really_ late when the door of the children's house slammed open, a group of drunken princesses walking through. "Whoo! I haven't partied like that in ages!" Midna slurred as she barely made it to the couch. As the others tried to get settled, a voice spoke up,

"The kids are sleeping, oh." The four princesses looked over to see Port Harcourt sitting on the couch, flipping through channels, and drinking a cup of coffee.

"Should a child like you – hic! – Be drinking coffee?" Peach asked, hiccupping from drunkenness. P.H. simply replied,

"I'm technically in my nineties…", before downing the rest of the contents and gathering up his things. "Like I said before, the children are sleeping, there's aspirin and such by your beds, and the place is clean." The earth-toned boy counted something up on his fingers before he stated, "You all owe me 500 dollars, oh."

"Say what?" Daisy screamed, Zelda adding,

"But..! We already paid you before we left!" P.H. hummed for a second before he shook his head,

"No, I… Don't remember that, oh. So, if you could please pay me now…" Daisy was fuming under her breath,

"Of all the low-down dirty…", but Zelda had to ask,

"And if we don't pay?" P.H. smirked, both his parents' maliciousness showing in his eyes as he reached behind him and brought out one of those horrible, God-awful inventions that made their debut during a certain world-wide sporting event. He took a deep breath and blew into a green vevuzela with all his might, the princesses screaming in alcohol-induced pain.

"AH! Zelly~!" Midna groaned, "Make it stop~!"

* * *

P.H. was at the doorway, counting his money before he smiled, "Pleasure doing business with you. Have a good evening.", and walked out the door leaving a quartet of exhausted Princesses.

"I think my ears are still ringing…" Peach whined.

* * *

**A/N: **

**( 1 )- I love Dark Link… (Except in LOZ: Ocarina of Time when you actually have to fight him) He's just so misunderstood but his ignorance of the elements of the world make him adorable. **

**( 2 )- This is so true. I mean, how do your eyebrows attach to your hair? I mean, seriously Ganondorf, WTF? **

**( 3 )- Putting drugs into baked goods, just a normal day… In Canada! **

**( 4 )- Perms… Are a trial. You have to be careful not to get them on your skin, then you can't scratch your hair for, probably, a week in advance otherwise the chemicals will burn the living day-lights out of your scalp. * sigh * The pursuit of beauty. **

**( 5 )- You guys want to know what's sad? I was just playing through LOZ: Ocarina of Time (You know, for help with my fic 'LOH: Metronome of Time') and I realized… I had been spelling 'Sheikaiah' wrong this whole fic. See, I just misspelled it again!**

**( 6 )- These are actually real hair products. But the look that Sheik ends up with is actually his final alternative costume for Super Smash Bros Brawl. It's so sexy, I want to cosplay it one day.**

**( 7 )- Have you noticed that, no matter how old you get that hearing your parents talk about sex is just plain awkward and wrong? It's just… * shudders *.**

**( 8 )- Oh my… The infamous 'Japanese Aerobics Girls' video. I saw it a few years ago, but Yu-Gi-Oh! Abridged did an out-take video, and that was one of the jokes that didn't make it. It was hilarious.**

**( 9 )- There shouldn't be any anime fan that doesn't know the 'Over 9000' quote from Dragon Ball Z. Not that horrible piece of crap 'Dragon Ball Z Kai', no the **_**original**_** Dragon Ball Z.**

**( 10 )- Okay, I'm going to do a public service announcement right now. People, don't go into a room filled with members of a certain race and start talking smack, please! Because, trust me, ten to an even, your friends are not going to help you. For instance, don't be like Kramer and start calling a bunch of black people by derogative terms!**

**( 11 )- Nigerians… For whatever reason, have schools and such for mastering all sorts of culinary techniques from around the world. The one thing they can't master? Fast food. They just can't make it right. And, to make matters worse, there are no McDonald's in Nigeria! I was **_**so pissed**_** when I found this out by my friends who went!**

**( 12 )- This was taken by the 'Safety Dance' scene from the show 'Scrubs'. … The original Scrubs!**

**( 13 )- This song is, officially, my song for Kisame and Itachi's wedding. The title is 'The Girl in Byakkoya' by Susumu Hirasawa. His original version (not the Vocaloid version!) is so beautiful, the lyrics and his voice are just… Oh, you have to listen to that song! It's also the ending them to the Japanese film Paprika, if that helps.**

**( 14 )- A lot of you may not know this (unless you were born in the 90s like yours truly), but a long time ago there was a magical show called 'Soul Train' where people who could actually sing and dance got together to do just that, just for the fun of it. No getting humiliated on National TV, no striving for 15 seconds of fame, just people who were good at entertaining... Entertaining! **

**Also, despite how long my updates were, the actual Seme-Uke Games only lasted… Let's see, February to June… A few months.**

**TG- So… How have you guys been? Hope you had a good Holiday season! Me? Well, since the last time I updated… **

**-Played and beat Super Mario Galaxy. **

**-Had tons of success with my theatre class play presentation. **

**-Played Tatsunoku vs. Capcom. Kind of got obsessed with Yatterman thanks to it. **

**-Got sick over Thanksgiving. That's what I get for helping a bunch of under-privileged kids… **

**-Animal Crossing: City Folk turned out to be a lot more fun than I expected. **

**-****Hetalia****'s been going along smoothly. **

**-WarioWare Smooth Moves… Just… Wow. **

**-Been trying to get into Black Butler. Good anime, just can't find the time or internet access to watch it. **

**-Pissed off at Nintendo beyond words! Pokémon: Black and White? Are you shitting me? And have you seen Ash's new travel partner for the new series 'Pokémon: Best Wishes'? Pros: She's a black chick. Cons: She jumps through trees, her hair is just a giant stereotype, and… Gah! Nintendo!**

**-THEY'RE MAKING _ANOTHER_ YU-GI-OH?**

**-What the hell is Kishimoto's problem? The plot of Naruto has just been… wow. All I can say is wow. For God's sake, how do you kill yourself _twice_ and in the _same way_ Deidara? Haku?**

**-Scott Pilgrim vs. The World was a very good movie. "'Time to break out the 'L'-word, Scott.'" **

'**Lesbian?' **

'**The _other_ 'L'-word, Scott.' **

'**Lesbians?'**

**-Muramasa: The Demon Blade…. Very good game (even though, when I checked it out, I had _no_ idea what the hell it was).**

**-Panty and Stocking with Garterbelt is an AWESOME anime! It's like South Park, Family Guy, and The Simpsons combined with hot angel chicks and dirty dialogue! It's such a breath of fresh air, especially since I'm a HUGE fan of satire ('Sayonara, Zetsubou-sensei', 'Hetalia', 'Panty and Stocking').**

**-Oh, and I made the Anti-Flame Letter into a YouTube video, like I said! It's on YouTube, just go and search Lupina09 (that's my name on YouTube). And I have two vids up (One for the Anti-flame letter, one for the Hetalia South Korea Controversy) …And in both videos my hair was messed up. It's better now, but then my hair did not like me. Go take a look, ignore my hideousness (and the lag of the video, I don't know what was with my friend's laptop), leave a comment. **

**Oh, and please review here! Other chapters are up, but review on this one too. Please? **

**-Tyranno's girl.**


	69. What's Blue and Red All Over?

Remember Sephiroth's Team Seme T-shirt and Marik Ishtar's Sasha plushie? Well, you had to be wondering where they got those, right?

For the duration of the games, there was a special store set up that catered in special, limited-edition merchandise for the games. Where was the store located?

Well, what you gotta do is take a right on Blue Eyes White Avenue, then go right down Mystic Clown Drive, and...

You know what, fuck it. You'll find it.

* * *

In a large red and blue store, people of all sorts were striding in and out. Inside, the space was around the size of an exhibit hall at an expo.

An expo for anime.

You know, a place where anime fans from all over the world could get together.

Maybe learn about new anime or find fellow fans of their favorite shows.

Anyway... Inside the massive space, people were shopping for all sorts of merchandise. It looked like an ocean of blue and red. Let's zoom in on a few customers, shall we?

"Big brother?" The young, blonde, adorable principality of Liechtenstein began as she tugged something onto her head.

"What is it?" The just as blonde but twice as angry with the world nation of Switzerland turned away from a box of chocolates decorated with edible pictures of the members of Team Seme. Vash's face immediately grew a blush as he saw Lili's head slightly covered with a Sasha the Siberian Husky cap.

"What do you think of this hat, big brother? I was thinking of buying it but I didn't want to spend your money unless you thought it looked good." Switzerland trembled from the cuteness for a moment before he silently readjusted the cap and stated, his back turned,

"As long as you wear it the right way, it should be fine." Liechtenstein smiled,

"I'm so glad... Big Brother."

* * *

"Yaoi..." Oh, who's this seemingly hot but psycho-bitch of a woman dragging her orange-haired boyfriend through the various booths in the, ahem, _literature_ section of the store?

Oh wait. It's just Konan and Pein. "Yaoi... Must buy awesome doujins!" Konan growled as she stopped to look through the wares of a young girl's stand.

"Why do I let you drag me to things like this, Konan?" Pein sighed, eating a bag of blue potato-chips. Konan bought a doujinshi of LinkxSheik and one of Sasori and Deidara before she replied,

"Because you love me..."

"I'm beginning to reconsider if that's enough of a reason for me to go through this..." Pein sighed, but then Konan smirked,

"And if you didn't allow me my whims, you wouldn't ever get the opportunity to tap this..." The bluenette woman struck a sexy pose. "Ever again."

"Baiting a grown man with sex," Pein groaned, "There should be a law against this." Konan simply ignored him before dragging him to another booth. This one seemed to specialize in doujinshi depicting the nations of the world.

"Oh my gosh, do you guys have any RussiaxAmerica?" She asked, skimming through the merchandise.

"I think I have a few..." The guy selling at the booth hummed before taking out a catalog, "Here, this is a nice, short list of all the doujins I sell!"

"That's short?" Pein yelped. "That thing is thicker than a bible!"

"Don't steal Naruto's jokes..." Konan rolled her eyes before skimming through the catalog. She gasped when she found what she was looking for. "Ooh... Do you have any copies of _this_ one? It seems sexy!" The doujin-guy looked at the selection before he sighed,

"Sorry... I just sold my last three copies." The revelation caused Konan to whine,

"What~?", but Pein merely whispered,

"Yes... Maybe now we can go home!" The carrot-top tried to start walking towards the door, just to be halted by a death-grip from his lovely psycho-lady.

"I... am getting... that DOUJINSHI!" Before Pein pissed his pants (though, he would never admit to doing so), by fate a young couple walked by: A brunette woman walking along with her stuffy, prissy boyfriend.

"Excuse me?" She asked as she dragged her boyfriend over, "I heard you're looking for a RussiaxAmerica doujinshi?"

"Yeah..." Konan pouted, "I knew I shouldn't have wasted all my time buying doubles of this KisaIta doujin..." The brunette woman's eyes widened as she shrieked,

"You have doubles?", Then she reached into her bag and pulled out... A copy of the exact doujinshi Konan had been looking for. "I'll trade you!"

"Sold!" Konan beamed, the two trading the required items before the brunette smiled,

"My name's Elizaveta, I'm the personification of Hungary."

"I'm Konan, infamous paper-wielding s-rank criminal." Konan laughed, "So nice to meet you!"

"It's a pleasure! I always love meeting fellow yaoi fans." Elizaveta then asked, "What's your favorite couple?" That question caused Konan to cross her arms as she thought deeply,

"Hm... I'm tied between KisaIta and LinkxSheik. They're so cute!"

"Oh, nice choices!" Hungary gave a thumbs up. "I'm more of a GermanyxItaly and NejiGaa fan myself."

As the two women began to talk and converse about their favorite pairings and artists, Pein found himself standing to the perturbed-looking brunette who had accompanied Hungary. After twenty minutes, Pein offered his hand for a handshake, "My name's Pein."

"Roderich, a.k.a. Austria. A pleasure." Austria sighed as he shook hands with the elite ninja.

* * *

"Grr… Tails!"

There was a booth in the store that was still not set up. But there were two males, one older and muscular, with vibrant red hair, sharp black eyes, and spiky white gloves. The other was younger, with long orange hair down his back, a pair of fox ears on top, wide blue eyes and two swishing fox-tails behind him. They were both carrying large boxes, the red-head carrying more, until they made it to the booth.

"Yeah Knuckles?" Tails, the younger, replied.

"Why did you have to have _me_ help you with this?" Tails chuckled before bringing out the contents of the boxes: doujinshi that he had drawn himself.

"Well, Cream is too young, Team Chaotix would make me pay them, and Amy is still trying to convince Sonic that he isn't gay, so she's no help." Knuckles groaned,

"You need a girlfriend or something, I swear." As soon as he had said that, however, Knuckles regretted it. He looked behind him and saw Tails sniffling.

"I… I _had_ a girlfriend…" He then fell to the table, sobbing, "Cosmo~! Why did you have to die~! **( 1 )**"

"Aw geez." Knuckles rubbed the back of his head nervously, "I didn't mean anything by it! I'm just tired is all, yeah, that's it!" But, of course, the damage had been done. A bunch of fan-girls seeing a cute, uke-ish boy crying and a guilty-looking seme-ish type guy in the same area…

"Oh, poor little cutie!"

"What did that red-haired brute do to him?"

"Probably said something mean!"

"Wait!" Knuckles gulped, backing up from the growing mob, "I'm sure that we can talk about this…"

* * *

"How long do you think that they can go on?" Austria asked as he and Pein sat down at a coffee table, drinking blue-colored frappucinos.

And, no, frappucinos are not gay. **( 2 )**

Pein raised an eyebrow before he looked towards where Konan and Hungary were standing and talking, man-hearing editing their words. "Blah-blah-blah-blah – Doujins! Blah-blah-blah-blah – Random pairing! Blah-blah-blah-blah – So cute~! Blah-blah-blah-blah – Maid's outfits! Blah-blah-blah-blah – BDSM! Blah-blah-blah-blah – Teacher-student roleplay! Blah-blah-blah-blah..." They abruptly turned to the two men at the table and called back, "You two seriously need to join the band-wagon!"

"No thanks." Pein and Austria replied.

Just then…

"Stop! Please! I'm not good with mobs!" Knuckles the Echidna yelled as he ran by, chased by a group of fan-girls. Pein and Austria only looked on before Austria murmured,

"I've seen worse."

* * *

Let's go to the clothing section of this bizarre bazaar. We can see three men looking around at the shirts. His medium-length red hair moved when he stood straight up and announced, "These Team Seme shirts are adorable! I have to buy one for everyone at home in Midgar!"

"Genesis **( 3 )**…" Sephiroth hummed as he ran his fingers through the spiky blonde locks of his lovely Cloud Strife. "Do you honestly mean to buy that many?"

"But of course!" Genesis replied. But then, he thought about it. "Maybe I should get some Team Uke shirts, you know, to balance it out."

"That's very thoughtful of you." Cloud commented. Sephiroth simply let out another sigh.

* * *

After a full day's worth of shopping, Konan and Hungary decided that it was time to go back to their respective hotel rooms. Before they left, Elizaveta took Konan's hands and spoke, "This day has been more than great. I had so much fun!"

"Same here! Oh, you should totally give me your Facebook and e-mail!" Konan replied. As the two were giving each other contact information, Pein sighed,

"Hopefully today's shopping will have been enough to sate her for a while." Roderich smirked and huffed,

"_How_ long have you and Konan been together?" Before Pein could answer, Knuckles ran by again, still being chased.

"DON'T YOU PSYCHO BITCHES EVER GIVE UP?", the red-head screamed.

"Fan-girls…" Pein and Austria sighed.

* * *

**A/N: **

**( 1 ) – Cosmo! In the final season of Sonic X (they need to make a new Sonic anime, seriously…) Cosmo was the cute little plant-girl who ended up sacrificing her life in order to stop the main antagonist of the season. Tails was _so_ in love with her too… **

**( 2 ) – You know… To this day, I have never drank a cup of coffee in my life. So I don't really know about frappucinos or mocha lattes or whatever. **

**( 3 ) – Once again, have never played a (good) Final Fantasy game but I love Genesis's full name: Genesis Rhapsodos… God, so sexy. **

**-Tyranno's girl. **


	70. A Day with A Shark and Weasel

Early the next morning, deep, onyx eyes roamed over the large, blue, sleeping form of his husband. Itachi looked down at the chest that slowly rose and fell with each breath; muscles softly flexing and contracting with each movement. It was the morning after the night at Black Tyranno's, and Kisame and Itachi had spent the night in the spare room that Tyranno had pointed out. Itachi was actually laying on top of Kisame's chest; Kisame was so muscular, he probably didn't even feel his light frame.

"Kisame…" Itachi whispered before he slowly moved his hand and used his delicate fingers to lightly scratch against the shark's nose. The effect was almost immediate: a deep rumble (almost a mixture of a growl and a purr) sounded from somewhere in Kisame's chest and his foot actually tapped at the air. Slowly but surely, Kisame started to open his eyes, asking,

"Morning Itachi… What are you doing?"

"Do you want me to stop?" Itachi replied, not stopping at all. Kisame growled/purred,

"No, no… Keep on if you want to." The response earned a smirk from the weasel.

"You know, I may hate Suki with a passion for still having a place in your heart – You need to work on that, I'm serious – But she _did_ teach me and your mother this nice trick." After that, Itachi stopped and leaned in for a good morning kiss. It was a simple meeting of lips, soft pressures creating the slightest of tingles. When they parted, Kisame smirked,

"Suki means well. You should really get along with her. **( 1 )**"

"You're an idiot." The brunette scoffed, lying back down on his blue 'mattress'. "Besides that matter… Have you missed me?"

"Do I even have to answer that?" A deep chuckle sounded as Kisame wrapped his arms around his Itachi 'blanket'. "I can't even begin to say how glad I am that the Games are almost over."

"I second that motion!" Itachi agreed, even though his face was a bit muffled in Kisame's chest. "But… Even so… It was nice to have a break from all the things going on. Both in Akatsuki and with Kirigakure." Silence. Then, "Doesn't this remind you of our anniversary?" Itachi murmured. Kisame hummed for a moment. Then he smiled.

"Those five days in Hokkaido were incredible…" He rested his chin on top of Itachi's, a chuckle growing from deep inside him. "Five days of nothing but relaxing, eating, drinking, and, of course, sex. Oh the sex was great too…"

"I wonder if I say the word 'moron' enough, will it lose all meaning." After that, Itachi rolled off of his husband, Kisame hugging him close.

"I wonder how much backed-up paper-work is waiting for me." Kisame wondered aloud before he groaned, "Shit…"

"And my students are probably missing me." Itachi said. You see, in order for the Akatsuki to fit in Kirigakure while Kisame was doing the Mizukage thing, they got day-jobs and the kids went to school. Itachi had actually gotten a job as a school-teacher at one of Kiri's best Academies. "Especially with the lesbian substitutes who are trying to steal my job!" **( 2 )** He gritted out. The room was silent for a while, the two simply taking enjoyment in being near the other. "So… How long were we planning on staying in bed?"

"Hm…" Kisame began, "How long until the others start calling us?" As if on cue, a phone began vibrating. "Damn, that didn't even take five minutes."

* * *

After a shower (that could have been a _lot_ quicker had the two not decided to 'share' a shower), Kisame and Itachi walked down from the upper floor of Black Tyranno's and saw a cute sight. Tyranno was sleeping behind the bar, Syrus in his lap and Jesse leaning into his side.

"Shh…" Itachi whispered as they moved towards the door. Right before they left, however, Tyranno called out, between snores.

"Hope y'all enjoyed yourselves… Come again soon…"

Domino City was a good place to visit.

"Watch out for the idiots." Itachi spoke up, stopping Kisame from crossing the street just as a duo of duelists on motorcycles rushed by **( 3 )**.

"Itachi, be nice." Kisame chided gently as they walked down the street. No car or bus meant hoofing back to Seme Estate and Uke Manor, but neither party really minded. It was a nice way to continue their alone time. Yet, a quiet tour of the city was interrupted when Kisame looked and yelled,

"Itachi!"

'What, what is it?" Itachi replied, getting into a fighting stance. But Kisame merely laughed and pointed behind them.

"KaibaLand! We're at KaibaLand!" Itachi merely frowned. Another amusement park? After that time they took the kids to FloraLand, an amusement park in the Mizu Union, he had come to hate amusement parks with a passion. "Can we go? Please?" Kisame asked.

"Kisame, we are two grown adults. You're the leader of the Mizu Union, I'm an Academy teacher. There should be no reason that we should go inside KaibaLand!"

* * *

"I cannot believe that we're in KaibaLand…" Itachi muttered as he sat down on a bench engraved with dragons.

"Really, you too?" Kisame laughed. Itachi merely rolled his eyes. The place wasn't that bad. It wasn't good, but it wasn't bad either. If only Seto Kaiba didn't have something over-compensating for his sense of, ahem, smallness at every corner of the park. Be it a statue of him, or a statue of a dragon, or his name in huge, mega-gigantic letters on the main roller-coaster. "But yeah, let's see what all the hubbub with this place is about."

The first stop was a game-booth. "Hit the dragon, get a prize!" Itachi was about to get Kisame to move along, when his eyes landed on a duo plushie set of Sasha the Siberian Huskie and Michael the Malamute.

"Kisame." The brunette began.

"Yes?"

"I want… those… plushies…"

"Okay, okay…" Kisame chuckled as he gave the employee five dollars to play for the plushies. He had to take a baseball and knock down a cardboard cut-out of the Toon Blue Eyes White Dragon. That shouldn't be too hard right?

When the shark was ready, the employee started up the booth; a bunch of distracting, larger cut-outs hopping by, blocking the miniscule dragon. "Son of a…" Kisame muttered, but he tried anyway. He succeeded in knocking down quite a few of the cut-outs in the first few minutes, and smiled as he found an opening to hit the dragon when…

_BRRINGG!_

"Huh?" Kisame blinked and stopped mid-throw.

"Ooh… So sorry," The employee chuckled, "You didn't get the dragon. Too bad, better luck next time." Itachi sighed at that,

"Oh well, so much for that. Let's go Kisame."

The bluenette stood there, trembling slightly before he gave a strained smile and replied, "You go on, Itachi… I'm going to give this another try." The brunette wanted to protest but he simply walked off.

* * *

"Maybe I should get Mizuki something." Itachi had wandered into one of the candy shops in the park. As he looked around the selection of sweets, the whole park shook; the energy resonating from the game booth. "Something tells me that Kisame is behind that…"

As if on cue, Kisame walked into the candy shop holding the exact two plushies that Itachi wanted. "I got them Itachi!" But Itachi merely raised an eyebrow and looked behind the large shark and asked,

"What did you do?"

"That's not important." Kisame quickly changed the subject, "Here you go!" The urge to go on rose up in the brunette, but it got squashed when he noticed just how cute the plushies were. He subconsciously even began hug them close to him, kissing Sasha's cheek. Kisame blushed purple before he took out a camera and whispered, "So cute…", as he took pictures of the scene. He got about ten different ones before he saw something that caught his attention. Itachi was still nuzzling the stuffed animals when the cashier commented to Kisame,

"Ooh, nice six-pack!" Itachi immediately frowned and looked over with a hiss,

"Excuse me?"

"Itachi," Kisame frowned as he held up a container of beer, "I'm carrying a six-pack."

"Oh. Well, ahem," The weasel blushed as he straightened himself up, "Very well then, carry on."

* * *

"Come on Itachi!" Kisame whined.

"No, Kisame!"

The two had made their way to the giant Merry-Go-Round in the center of the park and Kisame just had one request: For Itachi to go on… with the plushies... while he took video and pictures. "I can't believe you would even ask me to do something like that." Kisame made no move to put away his camera and offered,

"But… It's not like you're doing anything perverted! Please?" Itachi frowned,

"I don't even know what you would get from doing this…"

"Physical proof that you can actually be cute?"

"…"

After a while, Itachi shook his head before taking the plushies and waiting in line for the ride. "Yay!" Kisame cheered, getting everything ready to film again.

"But you're going to have to do something for me.", the brunette called back, causing Kisame to gulp.

"Um… What did you have in mind?" However, Itachi didn't answer. He simply smiled and walked onto the Merry-Go-Round. "I should probably be scared but… Who cares?" He turned on the camera just in time to see that Itachi had picked out a narwhale to ride on. "And here we have Itachi… About to do something really cute." When the ride began, it jostled Itachi a bit but he settled himself enough to hold on and wave slightly towards the camera. The multi-colored whale made its way around once, Kisame following it as much as he could before waiting for it on the other side.

The first time, Itachi was getting used to the ride.

The second, Itachi blew a kiss towards the filming shark. Kisame gulped as his blush returned.

The third time, the brunette gave another kiss to the Sasha plushie…

And the fourth rotation, he gave a quick peck to the Michael plushie before winking to Kisame.

By the time the ride ended, Kisame had a good little video and Itachi, actually had some fun (though he would never admit it). He actually didn't get off his narwhale friend, calling over, "Kisame!" The shark raised an eyebrow, asking,

"Hm? What is it, aren't you coming back?" Then, something really unexpected. Itachi actually chuckled with a happy smile and said,

"Come on, this thing is big enough for two!"

"Are you..?" Kisame began in sheer disbelief but he shook his head, "I'm right here 'Tachi!" Kisame rushed over and sat behind the slim male. "This thing looks like something that not even _I_ would eat though."

"Just hang on." Itachi laughed as the carousel started again.

* * *

"Alright, you got a video of me riding the carousel," Itachi began as they strolled through KaibaLand. Kisame sighed,

"It's not going to be something to cause me pain, is it?"

Itachi stopped mid-stroll and stood in front of his husband while pointing a finger into his muscled chest.

"I want you to take me out to lunch."

"Um…" Kisame was confused. _That_ was all his lovely wifey wanted? There had to be a catch. And, indeed, Itachi started up again,

"And… I want it to be a nice, simple ordeal. With no paparazzi, no over-bearing in-laws, no cousins, no ex-lovers, no Suki, no Hokages, no kids, no Suki, no Samehada, no Suki, and most importantly, no cases of over-bearing bromance syndrome." He sighed before he asked, "Is that understood?" Kisame almost wanted to laugh but he simply held out his hand for Itachi to take and replied,

"Sure thing.", before leading him to an elegant café. They were immediately seated and soon after they started looking over the menus, a young waiter walked over and beamed,

"Hello~! I hope that you'll enjoy your service here!" He looked over at Itachi and whistled, "Hey good-looking! Oh, sorry about the rack though…"

"WHAT?" Kisame growled, the glass in his hands cracking in half. But then Itachi frowned, holding up a menu,

"He's talking about how the restaurant is out of Rack of Lamb."

"Oh…" Kisame blinked and sat down. He looked at his wine glass before asking the waiter, "Can you replace this?" The poor guy nodded before he ran off in fear. "You know what, this is good. Let's just enjoy a nice dinner… No one to bother us…"

"No psycho sword-spirits trying to poison my food…" Itachi added.

"The insane fans rushing towards us for autographs…" Kisame sighed as he took a sip of his wine. Itachi flinched,

"What?" Immediately, a large group of fans surrounded their table.

* * *

Lunch had actually been pretty decent, you know, despite all the gaping stares. Now it was time for dessert.

"A chocolate volcano?" Itachi asked as he saw the dessert being prepared. It was a small vanilla cake that was cut into a cone-shape. The top was cut off and hollowed out, the inside of the cap coated in a chocolate shell. The inside of the main part of the cone was hollowed out and brushed over with more chocolate.

The chef had to wait for a moment for the chocolate to cool before he added a scoop of ice cream, marshmallows, berries, and fruit-flavored liqueur. "Okay, it's very pretty and well put together, but why do they call it a chocolate volcano—Oh my gosh!" Itachi literally fell out of his chair when the chef lit the confectionary triumph with a lighter, the multi-colored flames rising up.

"Seems like a waste of time for some dessert." Kisame yawned before he looked over and asked, "You need any help?" Itachi shook his head,

"No, I'm fine. That was just unexpected."

"Bon appetite.", the chef bowed before he departed from the table. Both shinobi sat at the table before the larger held up a fork but gestured to Itachi,

"Go on…"

"At the same time…"

Both men took small forkfuls of the dessert and tried it at the same time. "Mm…" Itachi moaned slightly, licking his lips. Kisame smiled as he took another forkful, Itachi immediately doing the same.

The dessert was indeed delicious; the right mixture of molten marshmallow, chocolate, fresh fruit, and alcohol made for a real treat. And, with two of the ninja world's biggest sweet-tooths at it, the dessert was down to its last bite.

"I'll be taking that." Itachi stated as he moved his fork towards it. But his fork was blocked by a twin as Kisame stated,

"No, I think it should go to me." Both nin 'fought' over the morsel for a bit, the actions attracting more attention. But finally, Kisame pointed behind the brunette and yelled, "Hey look! It's Dir En Grey!"

"Oh my God, where?" Itachi immediately turned and began looking for any traces of the Visual Kei band. He frowned, however, when he realized that he had been tricked and turned back to find the dessert gone. "Kisame you -!" His growls were stopped when he saw a forkful of dessert in front of him.

"Say 'ah', Itachi-san…" Itachi chuckled as he opened his mouth and Kisame slid the fork in.

* * *

The day was finally coming to a close, and it found Kisame and Itachi, walking hand in hand, back to Seme Estate and Uke Manor. When they got to the crossroad between the houses, Itachi sighed as he remembered their day.

"I can't believe I'm saying this," Itachi began as he looked back at Kisame, "But this day was actually pretty nice."

"Well I'm glad you had fun, Itachi." Kisame smiled as he leaned down to give Itachi a quick kiss on his rose-petal lips. After the kiss, Itachi batted his eyes at the large shark before he smirked,

"Tomorrow, it will be like this day never happened."

"Team Uke's going down!" Kisame laughed. But then he added, "And _then_ Team Seme'll win this competition!" Both men walked towards the respective houses, wondering just how the others had gotten through this day without them.

When the weasel walked into Uke Manor, Itachi slowly greeted all of the ukes in the main room before he was greeted himself by a hot cup of tea and a practically beaming Tracy. Itachi took the cup and raised an eyebrow, "What did you guys break?"

"Oh, I just received the best news!" Tracy replied. Itachi sat down on the main chair of the living room (_his_ chair), then hummed,

"Really? Well, out with it, come on." The olive-haired male practically beamed before he sat down next to Kabuto. Then he began,

"Well, you remember how, one day, after I was begging you to give me advice on how to get pregnant and you finally got so fed up that you yelled 'God damn it, Tracy, you don't have to give birth in order to be a parent'?"

"Meh."

"Well, apparently Arceus **( 4 )** heard you, because after Prof. Oak oh-so-amazingly screwed me into the mattress he told me that he's been organizing the paperwork and finances for us to adopt!"

The ukes in the room all cheered. "Congratulations Tracy!" Kabuto cried as he hugged his BFF, "Oh, this is so awesome! You have to invite me over on the day that the little bundle of joy arrives!" The cheering was surely going to continue for another hour, but something unexpected happened.

"Do you guys have to be so loud?" Who should wander out of his room but Sheik the Sheikaiah. However, something was off. There was a lot more honey-colored skin and gold hair showing…

"Sheik, you don't have your mask!" Indeed, the young man was without his mask. Also, his hair was all over the place, his cheeks were red, scarlet eyes exhausted, and there was a suspicious white substance caking on the corner of his mouth.

"Sheik, you're… hot! Even when you're an after-sex mess, you're hot!" Sonic, Ben, and Hidan yelled and just when they were about to reach the camera button on their phones, Sheik reacted by quickly throwing ninja-needles all around; pinning all the offending devices to the wall.

"No… Pictures…" He hissed as he went to go take a shower. Itachi shook his head at the group's antics.

"It's good to be back…"

_CRASH!_

"Oops." Naruto's voice called out.

"Ve… That looked expensive. I hope Itachi doesn't miss it too much." N. Italy added. The weasel could have sworn he saw red.

"So much for that short-lived sentiment."

* * *

Kisame walked into Seme Estate and saw that, except for an impromptu war against General Winter going on, everything was pretty much the same. "Hey guys, what's up?"

"Comrade~!" Russia cried out before tackling Kisame to the floor in a hug.

A very manly hug.

"Ivan…" Kisame choked out, "You're kind of crushing me." At that moment, Kakuzu walked over to help the two up. Yet, when he did, Kisame noticed something. "Kakuzu… What happened to your face?" The brunette fumed, not because of the insult that had been used so many times before, but because of what the question was directed at: the green dollar sign painted on his cheek.

"Shut up! I've been trying to get this off all day!" Then he hissed, "I am going to kill whoever did this…"

"Wait, it wasn't Hidan?" Kisame asked.

"Who knows? I just remember eating one of the cookies that Canada and Sheik had one moment, then waking up with three phone numbers painted on my chest and this thing on my face the next." Ivan offered,

"That may have been your first mistake, eating those _cookies_ I mean."

"Shut up."

* * *

**A/N: **

**( 1 ) - I really shouldn't… But for one of the fics I'm planning after this one is done, you need to know. Suki is Kirigakure's best sake-brewer. Two years older than Kisame, but the shark had a crush on her in his teen years anyway. And seeing as how Kisame still acts like an idiot around her, Itachi is not amused. **

**( 2 ) - Also, besides obvious missions for Akatsuki, Itachi took up a job at one of Kirigakure's Academies (rather, Mizuko forced him, but hey!) and two of his fellow teachers happen to be… lesbians. Meh. They're some cute lesbians though, I'll give them that.**

**( 3 ) - I just got some of the stupidest news! Yu-Gi-Oh! Movie (Bonds Beyond Time)… In 3D… Yugi, Jaden, **_**and**_** Yusei in one movie together… Like a bad fanfic… In 3D… Card games on Motorcycles… IN 3-FUCKING-D, ARE YOU SERIOUS? I haven't seen such a blatant overuse of 3-dimensional technology since Hollywood in 2010! **

**( 4 ) – Arceus (aka Aruceus to the Japanese)! My favorite legendary Pokémon (besides, only, lady Giratina). Not because he's the legendary god Pokémon, but because of his name! Aruceus actually translates to 'a certain Zeus', don't ask me how, that's what Nintendo said. **

**TG- Please review! **

**-Tyranno's girl. **


	71. The Bug

Oh, the bug.

That little, color changing, pest of an invertebrate. But, why did it torment our competitors so?

It was one simple word…

REVENGE!

When we go about our regular days, chances are we have encounters with insect kind on more than one account. And how do most of us respond?

_SQUISH! _

_SQUASH! _

_SPLAT!_

What did this have to do with anything? Bugs get squashed every day! But there was something about this bug…

* * *

One day, in the garden of Kirigakuran Manor, Zetsu was feeding the plants. Rather than water them, he was making a protein-rich mixture of plant-food, with blood, scrap meat and… insects. He was grinding a multi-colored beetle, so engrossed in his work that he didn't hear the miniscule screams from besides him.

"NO!" The bug screamed, "You're murdering my wife!"

* * *

The bug decided to try and forget his troubles by taking a trip to Italy to visit one of his many cousins. But, right when he wandered off of the boat and saw his cousin rushing towards him, a shiny red Vespa was rushing down the street with the angry personification of S. Italy on it.

"Cousin André! Run before it's too –" There was a squishing noise. "La-a-ate…"

* * *

He finally went to break the news to his children. And found a horrible sight. There was a football game going on in South Park, Colorado and, unfortunately his children were in the field, trying and failing to flee the cleat-covered feet.

"My babies! You're squishing my babies~!" The bug screamed, but it was to no avail.

* * *

The bug wanted, no, _demanded_ revenge. But what could he do? He was just a tiny, color-changing bug.

He pondered his predicament as he sat in the middle of a sidewalk, not aware of the person walking towards him until he was tapped by the person's foot. He flinched, but realized he wasn't dead as the guy yelped,

"Ah! Hating this!" falling forward into a group of people. The bug blinked at all the damage before he got a revelation.

"I must only use this power to annoy!" He announced.

* * *

That's what found him here, in Uke Manor about to begin the final phase of his plan. He squeezed himself underneath a door, not knowing where it led to but just knowing that someone was in here.

"Here is a good place to wait." He stated as he took his position on the ground. Not even ten minutes later, the door opened. As the shadow of a slippered foot fell upon him, he braced himself.

But, the trip never came.

Instead, there was a coo of, "Oh my!" Abruptly, the face of one Count D was staring at him on the ground. "What an exquisite Auroras Beetle!" The bug almost cried as long finger-nailed hands picked him up. "You _have_ to come back to my shop! Oh, I have the perfect case for you!"

"No!" The bug yelled at the top of its lungs as he was carried across the room. "I refuse to go with you! You can't make me! I'll bite you!" Count D ignored the protests, humming along until he found an ornate glass case.

"This should be enough until we get back to the Shop."

"No!" The bug yowled, "Get back here so I can trip you!" He banged on the glass wall with his little buggy legs until the Count walked off with a,

"I'm so glad I was able to find a friend for little Ivy."

"Ivy?" The bug blinked before he turned around and saw a beautiful she-beetle on the other side of the case.

"Hi."

"Um…" The bug gulped, feeling fuzzy, "Uh… Hi."

Maybe… Just maybe escaping and revenge could wait.


	72. Guitar Picks and Drum Sticks

The hot ticket that night in Domino City was the concert event at the Crown Stadium. The event was actually a challenge for the incredibly awesome Seme Uke Games. Yes, there were other performances that night, but each team had to perform one song. And first off was...

"Okay you guys..." Itachi sighed, his happy smile withering with every moment. "I was _so_ happy and calm yesterday. And I even had a positive attitude going into this event. So, could someone _please_ tell me," The brunette pointed towards the stage, "What the heck is that supposed to be?"

'That' was Canada, Sheik, and Iruka prepping a microphone, guitar, and drum-set in that order.

"Um... Our band?" Ben answered, just for Itachi to groan,

"Matthew! When you said that Iruka was going to be our drummer, I thought you were kidding!" The meek blonde nation replied,

"But he's actually pretty good. I thought it would be a nice change of pace." Itachi was about to go off again, but Iruka's voice cut him off with a,

"I'm about to start practicing. Are you guys ready?" Everyone quieted down and waited for the brunette school-teacher to start.

Which he did.

And sounded like a retarded sea lion trying to play Rock Band.

"Um..." All the ukes collectively sweat-dropped.

"This is 'pretty good' to you?" Itachi yelled, "But then again, you are the nation who gave us – Ugh – Justin Bieber." Canada frowned,

"Low blow, eh." A moment later, Iruka raised an eyebrow at the drum-sticks before he chuckled,

" Oh, no wonder! The sticks were in the wrong hands!" He quickly switched the sticks and proceeded to drum out the beat from The White Stripes _Seven Nation Army_ without a hitch. Everyone was in complete awe at the dolphin's skill.

"What was that Itachi?" Canada smiled before Itachi shook his head and stated,

"Can Sheik play the guitar, did you think of that?" The Sheikaiah merely strummed his fingers across the instrument and commented,

"It's just a harp with a piece of wood attached." Just when Canada was about to try and defend himself again when Itachi frowned,

"Shut up and sing, Celine Dion."

* * *

It's needless to say that the stadium seating was packed. But to the point that not even some of the members of the Teams could find places to sit?

"You know, I haven't had to stand up at a concert since my school-days." Kisame hummed as he, Zabuza, and Raiga were standing near the growing mosh-pit but not close enough to go in (Prussia was too damn wild when he was drunk).

"Really?" Zabuza hummed before smirking, "I'm surprised you remember those days, cousin."

"Is that supposed to be a crack at my age? You're only, let's see, a year and some months my junior." Kisame frowned, giving Zabuza the opportunity for the final strike,

"No, I say that because you and Raiga were usually so busy getting 'aquainted' that I would hardly guess that you could notice anything else."

"Zabuza!" Raiga fumed, a blush raising to his face and tears springing to his eyes, "I will maim you if you don't shut up! You hear me? Shut the fuck up!" Zabuza, of course, didn't let up and kept teasing until Kisame asked,

"Zabu, are you mad because our relationship didn't last as long as me and Raiga's?" Zabuza's face grew a blush as he went silent. "Check-."

"The reason that our relationship, dear cousin," Zabuza interrupted, "Didn't last that long is because you were so much of a man-whore that you started crushing on Suki the sake-brewer when you were still dating me." Raiga and Zabuza waited for the shark to retort, but only received a dreamy sigh of,

"Suki…"

"Damn it Kisame!" Zabuza gritted out before slapping the bluenette, Raiga repeating the acting between their alternating words.

"You!"

"Are!"

"Married!"

"Quit!"

"Crushing!"

"On!"

"Suki!"

* * *

As soon as the audience calmed down (once again, drunken aliens, kamis, ninjas, nations, Coloradians, and Nintendo characters made for a very rowdy bunch) the curtain drew back and revealed the shadows of the three artists du nuit. Sheik seemed to count to three before he began playing, cuing in Iruka's drumming.

Sheik was right, he took to the cherry-red guitar with as much ease as he did the harp. And Iruka's drumming was stunning... for a school-teacher. But, before things went on too long, Canada grabbed the mic and sang out,

**( 1 )**"_The question asked in order  
To save her life or ta~ake it...  
The answer no to avoid death,  
The answer yes would ma~ake it!  
Ma~ake it!_  
_  
'Do you believe in God?'  
Written on the bullet...  
Say 'yes' to pull the trigger!  
'Do you believe in God?'  
Written on the bullet...  
And Cassie pulled the trigger!"_

* * *

"Um, hello?" The commentator asked as she saw the camera-crew being lazy, "What the h-e-double hockey sticks are you guys doing?"

"Filming the show?" One of them asked. The commentator frowned,

"No, you can't be _filming_ the show because, last time I checked, the show was on-stage! And you good-for-nothings are here pigging out at the buffet table!" The camera-crew stopped their motions, which were composed of sampling from the large buffet-table that was back-stage.

"Well, if _we're _not supposed to be eating this..." The microphone-guy stopped to scarf down some ham, "Then who is?"

"Our Teams maybe?" The commentator fumed.

"Come on, like they could eat all of this!" The sound-manager rolled his eyes.

"What about our special guests?" The commentator groaned, really wondering if she could get through to these people.

"What special guests?" The camera-guy asked, before picking up a plate, "Now, who wants a bone-shaped biscuit? They have a weird after-tasted, but other than that they're pretty good..." There was a growling behind him before he looked down and saw a guitar-carrying white and black dog **( 2 )**.

An angry-looking, guitar-carrying white and black dog. The camera guy looked at the dog, then the biscuits, back at the dog, and then to the biscuits again. "Oh! I know why you're mad now – AH!" The dog quickly latched onto the camera-guy's arm braced itself as the man flailed about in pain.

"K.K. Slider, wait!" The commentator screamed as she rushed after them, "Mr. Slider, come back! We can get you some more dog treats! Just calm down!"

* * *

_"All heads are bowed in silence...  
To remember her last sentence...  
She answered him knowing what would happen,  
Her last words still hanging in the air..."_ Canada looked out towards the audience before whispering,

"_In the air!_ The music slowed down a bit as Matthew sang the last part, coincedentally good enough for the camera-crew to finally get their asses in gear and start filming.

'Do you believe in God?'  
Written on the bullet...  
Say 'yes' to pull the trigger!  
'Do you believe in God?'  
Written on the bullet...  
And Cassie pulled the trigger!"

_"How... many will die...  
_

_I... will die..._

_I... will say _

_YES!" _

_'Did whats-his-face just scream?'_ Was went through everyone's minds, Prussia cheering,

" Whoo! See Birdie, and you said those scream-o lessons wouldn't pay off!" Thankfully, the albino's outburst didn't hinder the group and the song went on, Sheik and Iruka joining in near the end,

_"'Do you believe in God?'  
Written on the bullet...  
Say 'yes' to pull the trigger!  
'Do you believe in God?'  
Written on the bullet...  
And Cassie pulled the trigger!_

(Do you believe?)  
Do you believe in God? (Do you believe?)  
Do you believe in God? (Do you believe?)  
Do you believe in God?

_And I will pull the trigger..." _

"Let's hear it for Team Uke everyone!" The commentator shouted out, the audience returning her vigor even when she had to go help the camera-guy get bandaged up.

* * *

"If everyone could just give us a few minutes of preparation time," The commentator began, "Seeing as how the representatives from Team Seme refuse to use the instruments that we've provided for them..."

Right now, the Semes were holding up the show because, yeah, they were some real drama queens when it came to the instruments that they wanted to use. In fact, as of this moment Korea was having a dispute with the techies about his drum-set.

"I'm paying you each ten dollars, da ze! Move my drum!"

"Sir, your drum-set is made of pure gold and silver!" One of the techies protested, "We're going to need more than ten dollars!"

"Screw you! Ten dollars!" Korea yelled back. Back in the audience, Itachi sighed,

"Don't these people know? You're never supposed to haggle with an Asian. **( 3 )**"

"I think the bigger problem," Count D huffed, poking at China's head, "Is who except this _wonderful_ nation gets their son a solid gold and silver drum-set?"

"Well put yourself in my shoes for a moment, aru." China began before he went off on a tangent that no one besides the authoress and the people reading this fic would pay any attention to. "When Korea was born, he was always hyperactive, aru... And as he got older, it only got worse! So one day..."

_One day in China's house, the peacocks and giraffes wandering the gardens, Korea was restless and making his restlessness more than known. "Aniki~! I'm bored! I'm going to claim more of your inventions and art for myself, da ze!" _

_"Yong Soo! Hold on just a rice-picking minute, aru!" China yelled, blocking the younger nation from leaving the room. _

_"Yae (Yes)?" _

_"I... I got you a present, aru! Yes, it's something that'll will calm you down- I mean- It will be something you can have a lot of fun with, aru!" China immediately used the distraction to force Korea into one of the side rooms where the surprise was waiting. The cocoa-haired nation blinked. _

_"A drum-set?" _

_"Yes, my scholars have been saying that music is good for development so I got this for you, aru!" Korea merely blinked at the instrument for a while before he nodded a silent thank you and walked over. He sat down and, after readjusting the chair and snares (ha, I made a rhyme) he picked up the drum-sticks. Clapping them together, _

_"Hana - Dool - Set - Net (One, two, three, four!)", Yong Soo began to play a simple beat. After a few minutes, the beat got more intricate and China spoke up, _

_"Wow, it seems like you've taken to it pretty well, aru." _

_"Mm-hm." Korea replied, so into his activity that he didn't bother looking up from his playing. China raised an eyebrow and said, _

_"Okay... I'll just leave you to your playing then." _

_"Mm-hm." _

_(Section Break... Yeah, it's back...)_

_China had invited his kids (Japan, Thailand, Taiwan, and Vietnam) for lunch and had just finished a long morning of cooking. Just as Yao was about to sit down when Japan asked, "Where's Korea?" China almost answered until a fierce drum-solo cut him off. _

_"Wow! Who's kicking ass on the drums Peony?" _

_"It's Korea- And quit calling me Peony, aru!" Yao sighed before he yelled, "Im Yong Soo~! Come down for lunch, aru!" The drumming abruptly stopped and everyone watched on as Korea rushed down, picked up a pork bun, managed to murmur, _

_"These originated in Korea.", and went back to play his drums some more. _

_(Section Break)_

_It was late at night, around 1 in the morning, China was trying -and failing- to get some sleep. Why was he failing at such a simple activity? Well... _

_Yao ripped off the pillow he was covering his head with and yelled, "AIYA! For kami's sake, Yong Soo, give it a rest, aru!"_

"That's the last time I give any of my kids presents, aru..." China finished, Itachi blinking,

"Oh, Yao, did you just say something?" China frowned before he whispered,

"Go to hell... All of you, aru..." After it seemed that Korea and the techies had come to a compromise, next to start preparing was England. The blonde walked up to the stage, accompanied by a S.W.A.T. Team escorting a a massive black box.

"Easy... Easy..." Arthur called out before he gave a signal. The box was gently placed to the ground. Then England walked to the box and typed in some sort of password into the number-pad on the side. The box opened, revealing a steel-locker which England quickly opened by dialing in the right combination. The locker opened, revealing a treasure chest. The chest was opened with a golden key that was kept on a golden chain in England's pocket. And finally, _finally_ England reached into the chest and pulled out...

A guitar.

"Are you shitting me? England!" Kisame yelled over, "What was with all the fuss? You couldn't have just used a different guitar?"

"Why in Heaven's name would I use a different guitar when Union Jacklynn exists?" England retorted, almost disgusted by the suggestion. Yes, Union Jacklynn: England's baby. The shiny, sleek guitar was glazed over with England's flag and the strings shined through the night, despite years of well-loved adoration.

"Back off, back off! Precious cargo!" England yelled as he forced his way through to the stage. And as if solid gold drums and over-loved guitars weren't enough, Prussia was setting up a microphone that seemed to be made of – Was that ivory and ruby?

"Mic check! Hey, can I get a fucking mic check here? Hello~? The awesomeness that is me is getting ready to blow your minds~!"

"God damn it, just go already!" England yelled.

Afterwards, the whole stadium went dark and everyone was still wondering what was going on. Then the music began: it was a guitar being played by, who else, England. When the song was recognized (around when Korea joined in on drums) the audience rose up in cheer. I mean, who _didn't_ like that song? America himself rushed over to join the ever-growing mosh-pit just as Prussia began,

_**( 4 )**__"WAKE UP!  
Grab a brush and put a little makeup!  
Hide the scars to fade away the shakeup!  
(Hide the scars to fade away the-)  
Why'd you leave the keys upon the table?  
Here you go create another fable!"_ Afterwards, England joined in,

"_You wanted to –!  
Grab a brush and put a little makeup!  
You wanted to –!  
Hide the scars to fade away the shakeup!  
You wanted to –!  
Why'd you leave the keys upon the table?  
You wanted to –!_

_I don't think you trust...  
In... _

_My... _

_Self righteous suicide...  
I... _

_Cry... _

_When angels deserve to..."_ Prussia took a deep breath before screaming,

"DIE!", and throwing the mic stand into the crowd.

"Damn it Prussia, stop throwing crap into the audience!" England hissed amongst his playing.

"But it adds character!" Gilbert smirked before he got a chair and yelled, "If you can dodge a chair, you can dodge a ball!", before he threw it and continued,

_"WAKE UP!  
Grab a brush and put a little makeup!  
Hide the scars to fade away the-  
(Hide the scars to fade away the-)  
Why'd you leave the keys upon the table?  
HERE YOU GO CREATE ANOTHER FABLE!_

_You wanted to –!  
Grab a brush and put a little makeup!  
You wanted to –!  
Hide the scars to fade away the shakeup!  
You wanted to –!  
Why'd you leave the keys upon the table?  
You wanted to –!"_

There were fangirls (and fanboys) fainting and crying themselves silly all over the audience, which meant the emergency response teams were kept busy.

_"I don't think you trust...  
In... _

_My... _

_Self-righteous suicide...  
I... _

_Cry... _

_When angels deserve to die...  
_

_In... _

_My... _

_Self-righteous suicide...  
I cry... _

_When angels deserve to die..."_ When the line ended, Prussia quickly took the nearest item to him, a speaker, and tossed it into the audience before roaring, "KICK SOME ASS, YONG SOO!" And the Korean did just that, accompanied by England on one of the best interludes in the history of the Games. It seemed to end too soon when the trio began to scream,

_"FATHER! (Father!) _

_FATHER! (Father!)  
_

_FATHER! (Father!) _

_FATHER! (Father!)"_ Then Prussia sang by himself,

_"Father into your hands, I commend my spirit!  
Father into your hands-  
Why have you forsaken me?"_ At that moment, he fell to his knees; clutching at the metal cross on the front of his outfit,

_"In your eyes forsaken me?  
In your thoughts forsaken me?  
In your heart forsaken me?"_After that, all three nations sang out,

_"Oh, trust... _

_In..._

_My... _

_Self-righteous suicide...  
_

_I... _

_Cry... _

_When angels deserve to die...  
_

_In... _

_My... _

_Self-righteous suicide...  
I! _

_Cry!"_

"_When angels deserve to die..."_ Prussia concluded, dropping the mic to the ground as the song ended. Everything seemed to be quiet for a while before the audience screamed in applause.

"Encore!" Bayonetta and Shuichi screamed from the judges table, "Encore!" Finland gently smiled at his fellow judges' antics,

"I think we have a firm winner, don't you all?" He asked the audience, just to get another wave of screams as his answer. Backstage, Canada, Iruka, and Sheik sighed.

"'The meek shall inherit the earth'..." Iruka sighed.

"But the strong shall rally up the common folk..." Sheik and Canada groaned. The three ukes were about to leave and find the rest of their team when Prussia's voice rang out,

"Hey! Birdie~! Where are you my Vogelchen (Little Bird)?"

"He probably wants to gloat..." The timid blonde smiled softly before he walked to the side of the stage where Prussia was still yelling,

"Hey! Hey! Mattie!"

"What is it now, Gilbert?" Matthew sighed. He was expecting something along the lines of 'I'm so awesome' and 'Did you have any doubt that I would win this?' But what he got was... Unexpected, to say the least.

"Marry me!" Prussia yelled into the mic, causing Canada to yelp,

"Maple?"

"Marry me! You know you want to!" Canada was still confused at his lover's antics. At least until the little yellow chick Gilbird flew over to him, carrying a red velvet box with her feet. When she landed in Canada's hands, he opened the box and gasped.

"Zoom in, you idiots, zoom in!" The commentator yelled at the camera crew before they zoomed in on the gold ring with a centered ruby and scarlet engraved depictions of Maple leaves around it.

"Oh my God, eh..." Canada could scarcely believe what was happening to him. But, with everyone watching, Prussia obviously loving him so much, Prussia being such a good father, Ethan being the best thing to happen to him in a long time...

"Ah... I... Uh... Um..." He stuttered for at least five straight minutes before England, France, and America yelled,

"JUST SAY YES!"

"Oui!" Matthew meeped right before Gilbert grabbed him and forced their lips together. They probably would have kept on longer than they did, but all the cheers around them were kind of unnerving. So Prussia pulled away in order to help put on the ring. When it was on, Canada raised his hand and watched the ring shine in the spot-light. "It's awesome..."

"Isn't it though?" Prussia smirked. The moment couldn't have been cuter or ruined by anything...

"WE'LL KILL YOU!"

Anything except a red-haired puppet and the world's largest nation jumping Prussia in a firm attempt to murder him. "You ass-hatted douche-bag!" Sasori yelled, "You knew _damn_ well that I wanted to proposed to Deidara tonight!"

"And I wanted to ask America to renew our vows!" Russia groaned, reaching into Prussia's shirt and...

"AGH, MY SPLEEN!" The albino immediately clutched at his bleeding stomach, it was almost like habit, "Give me back my spleen, you bastard!"

"Take back your proposal!" Russia yelled back, rushing backstage with the ex-nation's spleen.

"Nein!" Prussia roared, going after his missing organ. Sasori rushed after the two, still fuming at his lost opportunity. And they all left Canada sighing. The meek nation looked at his gold and ruby ring and smiled,

"Did I expect anything else for my marriage proposal?" And, of course, Kumajiro had to ask,

"Who?"

"Oh, go fuck yourself Kumamoron!"

**OMAKE**

Later that night, at Uke Manor, the ukes were celebrating the one thing that they could that night: Canada's engagement. However, one person seemed to be celebrating more than everyone else.

"I'm happy for you, Matthew!" Itachi slurred out, splashing his Pina Colada everywhere, "Really I am!" Everyone groaned before Ben asked,

"Itachi, are you drunk?"

"Hell no I'm not 'drunk'~!", Itachi mocked before he tried to take another sip of his drink, the liquid landing on his shirt. "Whoopsie~!" Then Sonic added,

"But you seem pretty tanked."

"Wrong!" Itachi whined, "I'm not drunk!" Yet, all of a sudden, he seemed to sober up, "In actuality... I'm drunk, I'm sad, and I'm horny!", for thirty seconds before he fell to the floor and began crying again. After a while of looking at their Team Captain, China offered,

"Well, to be fair, he did say that he wasn't drunk, aru." Count D sighed,

"You're an idiot.", just for China to retort,

"I know what you are, but what am I, aru?"

"An idiot."

"Why aren't you guys paying attention to me?" Itachi sobbed, "I won... I won 'Uke of the Year' last year, I'll have you know!" The brunette even pulled out the magazine article as proof. The other ukes only sighed again, especially when Itachi passed out, whining for his sharkie.

* * *

"Achoo!" At Seme Estate, Kisame sneezed out of the blue.

"Hey, what's up cousin?" Zabuza asked, Russia adding,

"Are you catching a cold due to General Winter _still _not getting the hint to go home?"

"No..." Kisame shook his head, "I do feel like someone's talking about me, though..."

* * *

**A/N: **

**( 1 ) – 'Cassie' by Flyleaf. I usually don't like all the bands that my friends (who actually have a band themselves) introduce me to, but I did like this song from Flyleaf. **

**( 2 ) – K.K. Slider is the wandering musician that appears in The Roost café on Friday nights in the hit game series 'Animal Crossing'. Yet, when I rented Animal Crossing: City Folk, _I_ never got to meet him! The 'Brawl' arrangement of the song 'Go, K.K. Rider' is still epic though. **

**( 3 ) – I found this out the hard way at Anime Expo. **

**( 4 ) – 'Chop Suey' by System of a Down! Oh my God, I love this song! And it just gets to me, how I can relate to it, how when Prussia sings it I can just imagine him yelling at Germania for never being there for him… Epic song!**

**TG- Now, even though semes won this challenge and whatever, who gives a damn? But… I'm not posting scores from this point forward. **

**Why? I really don't know, feels like a waste of time with so few challenges left. If I'm wrong, tell me and I'll re-edit it… soon. **

**I hope it was bearable, please review. **

**-Tyranno's girl.**


	73. Truth or Fail

"Alright, alright!" The commentator called out to the audience, "You wanted it, and you got it! A challenge that practically demands that our contenders mortally embarrass themselves by cutting apart their most wretched secrets and bleeding with the aftermath! The pain that they'll receive –"

"And were you going to finish anytime soon perhaps?" Sasuke called over from where Team Seme was sitting: a large blue platform that was suspended in the air above a large pool of freezing water. Team Uke was also sitting up in the air, but on a red platform.

"Okay, let's get this show on the road." The commentator sighed, "The audience members have submitted questions and I'm going to read them out loud! I hope you made them as embarrassing as possible!"

"Don't give them ammo!" The semes yelled.

"Anyway, and the competitors better answer truthfully because every time they don't, we'll add weight to their platforms! And by the end of this event, the Team who has told the most lies will be dunked into the pool of freezing water! Which is currently being kept cool by Russia's father, General Winter!"

Said personification was lounging in the pool, various chunks of ice floating by.

"And just so no one will say anything, this challenge wasn't inspired by anything that happened in this city whatsoever **( 1 )**, now… Let's get busy!" After the cheers subsided, the commentator read a slip of paper and asked, "Kisame, is it true that, in your Chuunin to Jonin days, you had a tattoo on your back?" The shark shrugged his shoulders,

"Yeah, that's true." The commentator continued,

"And according to Kage Gossip, you got yours redone for your wedding…"

"Me and these two over here." Kisame grabbed Raiga and Zabuza up in a group-hug-type-thing, Zabuza groaning,

"Can you please remove yourself from me?" The commentator seemed to be oblivious to the Mist Trio's discomfort and asked,

"Can we… See them?"

"Hm… I don't know," Kisame hummed, "What do you guys think?"

"Whatever." Zabuza sighed, Raiga smiling,

"I'm down."

"That's what _she_ said!" Kisame and Zabuza laughed, making Raiga seriously want to reconsider his choices in friends. But nonetheless, the three swordsmen stood up and began to remove their shirts, revealing chest graciously gifted with tight, corded muscle. And when they turned around, sure enough, Kisame had a shark jumping out of the water on his back, Zabuza had a rabbit running through a field, and Raiga had a swan in mid-flight, feathers surrounding it.

"Painful as all hell though…" Raiga whined, wincing as he tried to put his shirt back on and, of course, Zabuza had to put in his own 200 yen,

"It was not _that_ bad, Raiga-_chan_…"

"Not all of us got simple bunny tattoos, Zabuza!"

"It's a rabbit! RABBIT!"

* * *

The next question was for our favorite weasel-boy. "So, that online video of you dancing to the song from Dirty Dancing was you, right?"

"What, of course that's not me!" Instantly, the red platform shook from the weight being added to it. "Okay, fine! It was me, and I've never regretted dancing to a song from a movie more in my life!" Itachi groaned, sinking into his chair from the shame.

* * *

"Sasuke Uchiha!" The commentator called out, the youngest Uchiha raising an eyebrow in response. "Rumor has it that you are a Quadruple-Platinum member of the Mile-High Club, as well as the high-master member of three other clubs. Is this true?"

"No." Sasuke stated before his signature smile grew on his face, "I'm actually a Quintuple-Platinum member of the Mile-High Club." The navy bluenette actually took out his wallet and showed the camera his shiny membership card. "Get your facts straight, people. And look at the shininess! Look at it! Look at it!"

"Yeah, it's something alright." Everyone muttered.

* * *

"America... As a nation, and as a person, what was the most demeaning thing that you've ever done?"

"Hm... That's a good question..." Alfred hummed in deep thought before he clapped his hands and said, like it was completely normal (then again, for him it might be), "I snuck into Walt Disney World one time."

"What the bloody hell?" England yelled, "Why would you sneak into a place that's inside of you?"

"Well..." America began, I kinda forgot my government issued Disney-Pass, and I really didn't want to pay the over-priced fare... So..."

_"Dun-dun-dun! America the hero, sneaking into Disney World..." The blonde hero hummed out as he carefully sidled against the brick wall barrier surrounding the Magic Kingdom. "Alright, so all I have to do is make like Mexico and jump this wall that's clearly meant to keep me out!"_

**(**_**Ding!**_** Tyranno's girl Productions has no offense against Mexicans or the Mexican culture or government.)**

_America was looking for a good place to start climbing but, as soon as he touched the wall a spotlight zoomed over him; a red exclamation point appearing over his head. "What the… Okay, think I need to stop playing so much Metal Gear Solid…" _

"Step away from the wall!" _Mickey Mouse's voice commanded_, "Step away from the wall!"

"_Shit!" Alfred groaned before he decided to go ahead and start climbing. _

"Wait, more importantly than how stupid it was for you to sneak in…" Itachi interrupted, "How did you get caught?"

"Well… Um…"

"_Yes!" America exclaimed as he made it over, "Just call me East Germany, 'cause I beat the crap out of that wall!" The blonde hero was gloating over his victory over the Magic Kingdom's defenses when he smelled something irresistible coming from a while's away. "Is that…" _

_It was a food stand. _

"_Amusement park food~! The most unhealthy food in the world, second only to Carnival food!" Alfred rushed over and immediately asked, "One churro please!" _

"_That'll be fifteen dollars." _

…

"_NOOOO!" _

"And that was my adventure in Disney World." America smiled as he concluded his story.

"Only you, Alfred…" Itachi and Canada sighed.

* * *

"China… Have you ever lost your temper?"

"Of course not, aru! I'm in perfect control of my emotions!" Immediately, the weight got heavier, causing the ukes to all scream.

"I thought denial was the place that I got my crocodiles…" Count D groaned as they all readjusted. China immediately blushed,

"What is that supposed to mean, aru?" He looked at the semes who were silently agreeing with the statement at hand. He frowned and called over,

"Korea?"

"Well, aniki… Remember when you tried to take a census of _all_ the people in your country?"

"…"

"_Okay… One-hundred thousand and one… One-hundred thousand and two…" China hummed as he went over the numbers of his population in the comfort of his own house. He was so determined that not even the virus on his computer or the malfunctioning of his calculator was going to stop him. He was currently using an abacus, that ancient as all hell calculator, and was diligently working until who should walk in... _

"_Aniki… I'm horny, can't you put this off until later, da ze?" Korea whined as he began claiming whichever of China's possessions caught his eye. _

"_Damn it, no Yong Soo!" Yao fumed before returning to his work, "One-hundred thousand twenty-five…"_

"_Aniki~ Go faster! Can't you abacus a little faster, da ze!" In a flash, China cracked the ancient calculator against his son/lover's skull, with a yell of, _

"_ABA-KISS MY ASS, ARU-YO!" _

"Alright, maybe I've gotten a bit loose a few times…" China blushed in embarrassment, not expecting the,

"That's what she said!", from Team Seme.

"SHUT UP!"

* * *

"Roy? Why were you really kicked out of the Brawl Tournament?" At the question, Roy gulped,

"Well… Um…"

_Before every Smash Bros tournament, Master and Crazy Hand would host a dinner to help them decided who should be included. It had been a nice enough evening. At least, until Roy had gotten a hand on the liquor that is._

_"H-hey! If you're Master 'Hand', how do you get off?" The red-head slurred, "I mean, do you give yourself a 'hand-job'?" Master Hand's aura went dark as everyone groaned at the young general's antics. Marth sighed, _

"_Roy… Are you drunk?" _

"_Maybe, I – Hey! I know what this is! It's a conspiracy because I'm half-dragon, isn't it!" Roy stumbled over to the banquet table and slurred, "Here, I'll show you… And that's not a Sonic pun!" The red-haired teen general proceeded to undo his leggings, position… himself, and 'relieve himself' into the punch bowl. "Yeah, that's it. Take that in your pipe and smoke it straight to hell!"_

_There were mixed reactions around the room. The most noticeable were how Master Hand was wringing himself in anger, Crazy Hand was rolling around the floor laughing, and Sheik, Zelda, and Peach all thought aloud, "Roy's packing pretty well for a sixteen year-old, huh?" _

"_Back off bitches, he's mine!" Marth whined. _

After that recollection, England slowly walked over and gave Roy a business card for his AA meetings. "They do good work, you should look into them." He spoke, patting the young swordsman's shoulder.

* * *

"Lithuania…"

"Oh no." The brunette nation gulped as the commentator addressed him.

"Rumor has it that you used to have a really bad habit when you lived in Russia's house. What was it?" Immediately Lithuania panicked,

"Bad habit? What bad habit? I don't have a bad habit! I don't even know what a habit is!" With every panicky fit, the platform got heavier and heavier until Kisame rushed over and violently shook Toris,

"Calm the hell down!", and gave him a quick slap. Lithuania blinked before he sobbed,

"I used to try on Russia's clothes, there, I said it!" He slowly looked over to Russia and cried, "Oh God, Please don't kill me!" But Ivan only walked over and placed a shoulder on the brunette's shoulder, smiling,

"We will talk later, yes?"

Toris silently nodded his head, tears still falling from his eyes.

* * *

The commentator was about to ask another question when she was shoved aside by an unexpected face, "True or false – Ack!" Japan took the mic and asked,

"True or false, America-kun, you and I used to go out together."

"Whoa, whoa..." America coughed out, "Kiku, you sure you want to do this now?"

"Why not?" Japan frowned, Russia smiling (with his death aura forming),

"Yes, why not Alfred?"

"Man, come on guys! I'm carrying a really heavy burden here!" Alfred whined, almost wishing that he had his brother's power of invisibility. Almost.

"..." Japan seemed to have given up the pursuit. However, "Then answer quickly."

"Grr... Fine, yes, we used to date!" America yelled, desperate for no more weight to be added to the platform. You would think that Japan would have let things go, right? Well, you'd be... WRONG!

"Not only did we used to date, but we did it..." Kiku announced, "298 times!"

"Damn it, Kiku, you kept count?" America groaned, "You are such a loser!"

"..." Did that stop Japan's attack? "The loser you did it with 298 times!" Not in the least.

* * *

"Chazz, just how do you get that distinct hairstyle?" The commentator asked, the emo people in the audience getting out their journals to take notes. Chazz blinked for a moment before he smirked,

"Why don't you ask Sasuke? I'm pretty sure we go to the same hair-dresser."

"Oh... Burn!" Kevin announced, a lot of the semes agreeing with him.

"No, but in all seriousness..." Chazz sighed, "It doesn't take that much to get my hair like this." A buzzer instantly sounded and the platform shook. "Uh, what I meant to say is... It takes, hm..." He was in quiet thought for a moment before he concluded, "Three hours a day to get my hair like this."

"Three hours a day?" The semes yelled in complete disbelief. The ukes were also surprised, not as much as the semes, but at least they knew why the black-haired duelist would take so damn long in the bathroom.

"Well, duh. I have to wash it, then I dry it with both a silk towel _and_ a hair-dryer. Then I have to let it rest for thirty minutes, I usually get my morning reading done during this time. Oh, and don't knock talking to your hair, your follicles will thank you. Afterwards, I have to press it so that its straight and shiny; that's around twenty minutes. Then comes the hard part: I get a curling iron, along with a tube of mousse, a jar of hair gel, and a can of hair spray. One at a time I curl a section of my hair into the perfect angle before I mousse it, then add hair gel. Afterwards, I give the whole thing a heavy dousing of hair spray. Sometimes I have to use three cans, but it works." By the time Chazz finished his tutorial of an answer, everyone was in shock.

"Chazz, you have officially done it." Poland frowned.

"What?"

"You've made taking care of your hair sound even gayer!"

"Cram it!"

* * *

Next, the commentator announced, **"**I have a question for the two oldest semes on the stage!" Professor Oak and Orochimaru looked over just in time to see the commentator blush from the paper she read. "Okay… Just how… Just how much of your…" She was giggling between her words, "How much of your… 'bedroom-performance' is natural and how much is Viagra accountable for? Ha ha, I'm sorry! I couldn't help it, ha ha!" The two older men blushed, the other semes around them furiously trying to smother their laughs. After a moment, they both replied,

"None at all!"

"It's all natural!"

The platform shook as more weight was added. Prof. Oak and Orochimaru looked at each other before they replied, at the same time,

"None!"

"Half!" When the platform didn't move, Prof. Oak looked at the snake-like man, who was blushing heavily. Kisame was gone, the Mizukage rolling around the platform in laughter, stopping occasionally to point and laugh at Orochimaru.

* * *

After that fiasco, the commentator relaxed for a moment before she called out, "Kakuzu!"

"Here we go…" Said brunette grumbled around the straw of a caramel milkshake. The other semes stared at him.

"Where the hell did you get that?" Kevin groaned.

"I have…" Kakuzu spoke between sips, "My ways."

"Anyway…" The commentator rolled her eyes, "Kakuzu… Who was Goldleaf?"

The brunette flinched, Hidan on the other platform yelling,

"Oh, here we go! Someone _had_ to go and bring this shit up!" Kakuzu merely cleared his throat and replied,

"I have no idea who you're talking about."

Immediately, the platform got heavier.

Kakuzu groaned as he found himself between a rock and a cold place but, he finally sucked it up and began, "Goldleaf was a beauty in her own right, one of the best things to ever happen to me and had a sweet personality to match. Also –" He was interrupted when he had to dodge a flurry of kunai from his albino lover.

"IT WAS A FUCKING MOTORCYCLE, YOU ASSHOLE!" Hidan screeched, "A giant hunk of metal that you're still holding over me what happened to it!"

"_She_ didn't deserve what you did to her!" Kakuzu snapped back. The other Akatsuki semes simply groaned as they realized the turn the conversation was taking.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" The commentator literally had to have Bayonetta fire a warning shot to get them to stop. "Now, can we get a recollection of what happened?"

"Fine!" Both ninja gritted back.

_Well, this was a fine predicament. Kakuzu and Hidan had been camping out during a bounty when, out of the blue, a squad of ninja surrounded them looking for a bounty of their own. Now, usually this wouldn't be a problem; a little strangling, a little cutting, a lot of blood, the fight would have been done. But, after the main part of their mission, they were tired, chakra-depleted and just plain exhausted. Hidan was probably more exhausted then Kakuzu, so he quickly looked around for what he could use to get out of this. _

_Fire… No. _

_A tree… No. _

_That damn green and gold motorcycle that his lover had been fawning over for the past six months… Said motorcycle even had a name. Goldleaf had been given to Kakuzu from one of his debtors as a means as getting an extension on paying his dues. It hadn't worked, but Kakuzu had kept the bike and completely fallen in love with it. _

_Needless to say, Hidan had had it. He rushed towards the machine, Kakuzu yelling over, _

"_Hidan, what are you doing with Goldleaf?" _

"_Saving our asses!" Hidan yelled back as he hooked the curve of one of his scythe's blades onto Goldleaf and gave a heavy swing towards the enemy nin. _

"_Hidan what the hell did you..?" Kakuzu hissed, only a bit perturbed. _

_Until he saw where his baby and the other nin were headed… Right off a cliff. When the group vanished over the edge, Kakuzu screamed, _

"_GOLDLEAF!" The brunette rushed to the edge, trying to save his beloved bike, but he didn't make it. A loud explosion heralded that the machine had made it to the bottom. "Goldleaf… No…"_

_

* * *

_

"My baby~!" Kakuzu sobbed, sinking into the chair and only stopping when he was hit in the head with a shoe. "Ow, who throws a shoe? I mean, really?"

"There's more where that came from!" Hidan yelled back, and indeed he was throwing shoes from a large box filled with them that the Italian brothers had.

"So…" The commentator began, "Let's hear from our South Park ukes. Well, actually Kyle's too whiny, Gregory's a gun-toting prick, and Tweek–"

"Gah! Too… much… pressure!" The commentator sighed,

"Yeah, then there's Tweek… Let's ask Pip something!" She briskly looked through the papers for something to ask the boy. Yet… there was almost nothing to embarrass the blonde with. "God, he's so pure that there's nothing to talk about!" Pip heard the commentator's distress and called over,

"Oh, I'm terribly sorry for disappointing you."

"Don't apologize!" Damien fumed, but Pip hummed in thought,

"Oh, let me see… I've turned in a library book a day late! Yes, that's something! Oh, and I felt so bad about it afterwards!"

The platform shook from weight being added to it.

"Pip!" Itachi gritted out, grasping the teen's neck, "If you have to lie about it, then leave it be!"

* * *

By the end of the event, there were no shortages of embarrassed faces, second thoughts about people, and posts to gossip websites. Both platforms we creaking with all the weight that had been added to them and, as fate would have it, Team Seme was up for a group question. The commentator cleared her throat before she asked, "All of you… And be honest… Who is the prettiest person in Team Uke?"

You could have heard the dismay as all the semes gulped and wondered how the hell they were going to get out of this. Yet, after twenty minutes, the ukes were getting irritated.

"Well?" Itachi called over. "Are you going to answer or what?" Everyone in Team Seme looked to Kisame before the shark took Samehada and shouted,

"We plead the fifth!", before he cut through the support chains: sending the semes into the freezing water below.

* * *

**OMAKE**

"Link," The commentator started up again as she was handed a brand new line of questions, "Was traveleing with Navi really that bad?" The blonde had to think for a second. Then he replied,

"Well, you see-"

"Hey!"

"The thing about my adventures-"

"Listen!"

"Um..." Link frowned before he tried again,

"Like I was saying-"

"Hello!" Next to the blonde hero of time was a blue ball of light fluttering about and spouting some of the most repetitive dialogue in Nintendo game history. "Hey! Listen! Hey! Hello!"

"Grr..." Link's blue eyes were twitching as he brought out a can of bug spray, shaking it furiously.

"Hey! Hello! Watch out! Hey! Listen!" That tore it!

"Raid to the face, bitch!" Link shouted as he sprayed the poor fairy to in inch within her life. Afterwards, Link panted, "Does that... Answer your question?"

"HOLY SHIT, HE KILLED NAVI!" Everyone screamed in astonished horror.

* * *

**A/N: **

**( 1 ) – Slightly, but not entirely this challenge was inspired by a duel in the Battle City Saga of the original Yu-Gi-Oh! Where protagonists Yugi and Joey were forced to duel with their bodies chained to an anchor that was threatening to sink to the sea. Ah, good times… **

**TG- Not posting the score, and you'll soon figure out why, so nya! **

**-Tyranno's girl. **

**P.S.- Review! Review damn it!**


	74. Jacks of all Trades

"_Hey Teams! I hope you guys haven't used up all of your, quote-unquote, 'talent' because the last opportunity for you guys to earn points for your team is a Talent Show! _

_(Pause for applause and gasps.) _

_The talent can be __**anything**__, as long as it is family-appropriate. Also, this event is optional. Just keep in in mind that, at the end of things, we need an equal number of entries from each side. _

_Okay, see you tomorrow, bye!"_

That was the note that both teams found pasted on their doors the next morning. Even though the stuffiest team member had to comment on the handwriting.

(England- My God, it's absolutely atrocious… Do you people not even go to primary school these days?)

* * *

In the living room of Seme Estate, if one were to walk by, you would hear the sounds of a violin. There, in front of the window that gave off the most light, was Kakuzu Hoku playing a simple melody on an old, wooden violin.

"Hey Kakuzu, you brought out the violin!" The brunette didn't reply until the song stopped and he sat down to tighten the strings of the instrument.

"So…" Kakuzu began as he adjusted the strings on his violin, "What are you guys doing for a talent?"

"We're going to play the piano!" Ivan beamed as he held up the sheet-music. Kakuzu had to frown before he asked,

"At the same time?"

"Yep!" Kisame answered while he tuned the large instrument. "It's going to be great, I just hope I can pick up my piano skills back up. I haven't played since I was in grade-school." The shark sat down at the large piano and, after a moment of testing the keys, began playing a rousing version of 'Take on Me'. Afterwards, Kisame smiled, "Hey, I didn't epically fail!" Kakuzu, however, fumed,

"God damn it, Kisame, what can't you do?"

"Cook my own dinners, make the perfect soufflé, give myself a blowjob, or get my maternal grandmother and aunt to like me."

"…" Kakuzu and Russia were quiet for a second. But then Kakuzu groaned, "You weren't supposed to actually respond! God damn…"

* * *

Itachi had been checking up on who was actually going to enter the Talent show, but of course, a certain blonde, valley-girl nation had to do something to tick him off.

"Poland…" Itachi seethed. "I am going to tell you this only once: Pole-dancing is _not_ a talent!" The blonde slid down his practice pole before he huffed,

"Well the Olympic committee is trying to get it made into an official sport!"

"Who gives a crap? Get off that thing!"

* * *

The day of the talent show, things got right down to business. Well, after a few disputes and wardrobe malfunctions, _then_ it got down to business.

"First up is that awesome Bromantic duo, Team Seme captain Kisame Hoshigaki and Russia a.k.a. Ivan Braginski." The commentator was working hard to get the audience rallied up while the stage was set.

"Yay!" Everyone, especially if you were afraid of Russia, cheered.

"Boo." General Winter solely stated. Out of nowhere, a lead pipe flew through the air and hit the icy personification upside the head. While Kisame got the sheet music ready again, Russia decided to tune the piano. He sat down on the bench and called,

"Prussia? Where are you?"

"What the hell do you want?" The albino ex-nation frowned. Russia smiled,

"Just stand there by the piano, if you please." Prussia still didn't trust him, but he didn't move either. Then Ivan began playing the piano and singing,

_"Loving you, _

_Is easy 'cause you're beautiful..."_ Gilbert was still standing next to him (not really knowing what he was doing on stage with the large nation).

"_Do do do-do-do-do... _Gilbert?" At that moment, Russia shoved the piano right into Prussia's crotch. It only took a second before Prussia's eye twitched and he screamed,

"AAAAAA-AAAAAGGGGHHHHH!" and falling to the floor clutching at his poor 'five meters'. Ivan smiled and called back-stage,

"Kisame? Comrade, the piano is tuned."

The audience quieted down as the two competitors took their places at the piano. Kisame silently counted down from three…

Two…

One… Before they both began playing the piano, each person playing a different set of keys, the both of the singing,

"_It's…" _

"_Not…"_

"_Easy having yourself a good time… _

_Greasing up those beds and betters, _

_Watching out they don't four-letter! _

_Fuck and kiss you both at the same time… _

_Smells like something I'd forgotten, _

_Curled up, died, and now it's rotten." _There must have been some serious practicing that occurred the prior day, because the two were almost perfectly in sync. Even if they needed to get at a note that was on the other person's side, they simply crossed their hand over.

"_I'm not a gangster tonight, _

_Don't want to be a bad guy, _

_I'm just a loner baby, _

_And now you've gotten in my way!" _Kisame mouthed out a 'You're doing great' before they continued,

"_I can't decide, _

_Whether you should live or die! _

_Oh, you'll probably go to heaven, _

_Please don't bend your head and cry, _

_No wonder why…" _

"_My heart feels dead inside…"_ Ivan sang, Kisame adding,

"_It's cold and hard and petrified…" _

"_Lock the door and close the blinds, _

_We're going for a ride!"_ **( 1 )**

* * *

Next was Neji Hyuuga, who walked to center stage, brought out a hair-brush and stated, "Prepare to be amazed." He softly moved the wire brush through the satin-like curtains of chestnut hair for a moment. Then, when he made sure that all eyes were on him, he turned his head to the side; the action causing his hair to flip. It even sparkled as it moved.

"Ooh… Aah…" **( 2 )**

"For the love of God," Bayonetta groaned, "Flipping your hair is not a talent!" Neji stopped his hair-flipping and retorted,

"Says you."

* * *

Shadow slowly walked up on-stage before Finland asked, "And what will you be doing for us today?"

"I will be preparing a delicious dessert before your very eyes…" Shadow smirked, "In merely a few seconds."

"Ooh…"

"Sounds interesting!" After the words of encouragement from the judges, Shadow dug into his pocket and pulled out a gorgeous red jewel. It began to glow and then he announced,

"Chaos…" Just as the light got to blinding, he placed the Chaos Emerald behind his back and brought out a tray of, "Swiss Rolls!" **( 3 )** The delectable-looking sweets beckoned to the judges, and they were more than happy when Shadow gave them each one to taste. However, just when they began eating, there was a yell from the audience that originated from the personification of Switzerland.

"What the… Liechtenstein, what happened to the Swiss Rolls I made you?"

"And this is where I depart." Shadow murmured, taking out the Chaos Emerald and disappearing in a flash of light.

* * *

Lithuania, it turned out, was actually an excellent juggler. The brunette was currently balancing two plates, a TV, a teddy bear, five flaming chain-saws, and a bottle of vodka. Everyone was more than amazed at Toris's skill, but someone _had_ to mess it up.

And that someone, of course, was Russia. From back-stage, Ivan called, "Very good Toris! But let us see how far you can go, da?" At that, the cream-haired nation tossed over a mallet…

"Wha? Mr. Russia, could you please not –"

Latvia…

"Aah!" The small nation cried as he was tossed into the fray.

And Boris the bear.

"No no no no no!" Lithuania yelled as he lost control, everything falling down onto him; Boris then took the opportunity to maul the two Baltic nations on stage.

* * *

"_Mama..! Ooh~! _

_(Which way the wind blows…) _

_I don't want to die! _

_Sometimes wish I'd never been born at all!"_ Have you ever noticed that there are some things that, when done with enough skill, are _so_ sexy? Like England's guitar-playing on the epic solo that he ripped out; his fingers practically making love to Union Jacklynn before Prussia interrupted with his keyboard-guitar, Korea rocking away on the drums again. England sang out,

"_I see a little silhouette of a man –" _

"_Scaramouch, Scaramouch! Will you do the Fandango?"_, Prussia and Korea interrupted.

"_THUNDER-BOLT AND LIGHTENING, _

_VERY VERY FRIGHTENING ME!" _

"_Galileo!" _

"_Galileo!" _

"_Galileo!"_

"_Galileo!" _

"_Galileo, Figaro~!" _

"_Magnifico…"_ England put on a sad face before he sang, _"I'm just a poor boy, nobody loves me." _

"_He's just a poor boy, _

_From a poor family! _

_Spare him his life from this monstrosity!"_, that was Prussia and Korea before the albino ran his fingers along the keytar again. Arthur turned around to his band-mates and asked,

"_Easy come, _

_Easy go, _

_Will you let me go?"_, Just for Prussia to angrily reply,

"_Bismillah! NO! We will not let you go!"_, and Korea to state,

"_Let him go!" _

"_Bismillah! We will not let you go!"_

"_Let him go!"_

"_Bismillah! We will not let you go!" _Now Arthur fumed,

"_Let me go!" _

"_Will not let you go!" _

"_Let me go!" _

"_Never, never, never, never…"_

"_Will not let you go!" _

"_Let me go!"_

"_No! No! No! No! No! No! No! _

_Oh Mama Mia!"_, Prussia laughed out the last part, nearly tripping over his notes; Arthur singing,

"_Mama Mia, let me go!"_, and then all of them joining together to sing,

"_Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me! _

_For me!_

_For me~!"_

"You know, I never understood Queen." The commentator murmured as she watched the performance. **( 3 )**

* * *

Kakuzu had agonized for hours on what song to play for the audience. You see, most of the songs he knew were very, very, very, very old classical songs that he had learned when he was in grade-school. He finally decided to play 'Cantarella', a good mixture of Classical and modern.

"_As with any normal feeling of love, _

_Right now, _

_I'll make sure you fall for it. _

_Stumbling into a few shallow holes… _

"_Come capture me." _

"_We can always _

_Hide inside the garden _

_Depths. _

_Forever waiting… _

_The blended _

_Scent of our scent of our bodies being combined, _

_It feels like only my soul is taken from me…"_

Afterwards, everyone was silent for a few minutes. Mostly because it was really unexpected for such a big, gruff guy to be able to play such an instrument so well.

"Holy Jashin! Kakuzu!" Hidan screamed, "Since when can you play the violin?" Kakuzu twitched before he yelled back,

"DO YOU EVER LISTEN TO ME WHEN WE TALK, HIDAN?"

* * *

"Attention everyone!" Link called out, holding his bow and arrow, "I am now going to shoot an apple…"

"Lame!"

"Let me finish, damn it!" Link snapped back at the audience member who wouldn't shut up. "Now, like I said, I am going to shoot an apple… off of the highly esteemed Ganondorf's head! Give it up to Ganondorf everybody!"

"What?" The evil wizard exclaimed as an apple was being fastened to his head. Everyone was also intrigued because the distance between Ganondorf and the stage was pretty damn far.

"Is everyone ready?" Link asked as he adjusted his bow.

"No!" Ganondorf yelled.

"Okay then!" Link smiled as he let an arrow fly towards its target. Everyone was silent, Link's eyes widened, Zelda silently prayed for the arrow to pierce Ganondorf's skull, and Sheik was eating some of the cookies from the night everyone went clubbing…

The arrow found the center of the apple, its force sticking it into the wall behind the dark king.

"Yes!" Link cheered.

"Aw…" Zelda pouted.

"Did I miss something?" Sheik asked, a bit dazed.

* * *

"And now for Germany, a.k.a. Ludwig Beilschmidt, performing the song 'Schadenfruede' from Avenue Q." Everyone cheered until there was an 'ahem' from backstage. "Oh, right. He'll be helped by Aster 'Who really gives a crap?' Phoenix."

"Hey!"

"Actually," Kisame began, "No, he's right. Aster, come on back, Leon can help Germany!"

"This sucks!" The white-haired teen moped as he walked away. After that, both blondes walked onto the stage. However, before they made it to the center, Germany stuck out his foot; the action causing Leon to fall to the floor.

"Fuck! What the hell man?", the detective growled as he tried to get up. But Ludwig began singing away,

"_Right now, you are down and out. _

_And feeling really crappy."_

"_I'll say."_, Leon huffed as he dusted himself off.

"_And when I see how sad you are, it almost makes me…"_ At that point, Ludwig smirked,

"_Happy…"_ Leon raised an eyebrow,

"_Happy?" _

"_Sorry my friend, human nature. Nothing I can do!"_ At that line, Germany had to laugh, "Not that I want to!

_It's Schadenfreude! _

_Making me feel glad that I'm not you!"_ As everyone was laughing at the lyrics, Leon merely shook his head,

"That's kind of a prick thing to say."

"Sorry, don't care!" Was Germany's reply, "But come on, don't act like you're innocent!"

"What do you mean?" Ludwig only laughed before singing,

"_You ever clap when a waitress falls, and drops a tray of glasses?" _

"Who hasn't?"

"_And isn't it fun to watch figure skaters falling on their asses?"_

"Sure!"

"See?" Germany nodded, _"Don't you feel all warm and cozy, _

_Watching people out in the rain?"_, Leon laughed,

"You bet!", before both blondes sang out,

"_That's Schadenfreude~! _

_People taking pleasure in your pain!"_ Leon nodded his head, slowly understanding. He then asked,

"So, 'Schadenfreude'… What, is that some sort of Nazi word?"

"Hey, hey, hey!" Germany held up a finger for the younger to stop but he added, "But, yes. It's German for 'Happiness at the misfortune of others."

"Happiness at the misfortune of others?"

"THAT IS GERMAN!" The audience laughed.

* * *

The only other two entries that were of any worth to mention were Sasuke's fire art performance (which went well until he tried to conjure up a giant dragon of flame which nearly took out half the audience and stage) and Turkey doing a magic show, which didn't go so well ("I'll show ya to make an ass out of me! Get out of that damn hat, ya fucking rabbit!").

"Okay, now that the Semes have had their shot, and the fire damage is down to a stable level, we can see what the Ukes have to offer!"

**OMAKE**

After the words of encouragement from the judges, Shadow dug into his pocket and pulled out a gorgeous red jewel. It began to glow and then he announced,

"Chaos…" Just as the light got to blinding, he placed the Chaos Emerald behind his back and brought out a much younger Rick Astley, "Rick Roll!"

"NOOO!" Everyone screamed, but it was too late.

_"Never gonna give you up..._

_Never gonna let you down... _

_Never gonna run around and desert you..."_

"Just put a kunai in my throat, it would be an easier death!" Itachi groaned out, desperately trying to clamp his ears shut.

* * *

**A/N: **

**( 1 ) – 'I Can't Decide' by The Scissor Sisters. The song has the all the bright, happy menace of a serial killer. It also fits the sexual tension of the Cold War to a 'T'. **

**( 2 ) – No, Neji, sparkling, flippy hair is not a talent. Although, apparently, sparkly vampires are the best thing ever! **

**( 3 ) – Shadow's main technique is called 'Chaos Control' so, of course, hundreds of spin-offs have been made with words that rhyme with it. **

**( 4 ) – 'Bohemian Rhapsody' by Queen. The first time I heard this song in its entirety was when I had to sing it when me and my friends were playing Rock Band… I forgot which number it was. **

**Please review! **

**-Tyranno's girl.**


	75. Ukes Got Talent

Itachi, being captain of Team Uke, went first. He was dressed in an all-black ensemble: tight-clinging shirt, leather-pants, and boots. He adjusted the microphone before he gave a cue to the sound crew, the music to one of his favorite songs starting for a while before he sang,

"_No more gas, _

_In the red, _

_Can't even get it started. _

_Nothing heard, _

_Nothing said, _

_Can't even speak about it. _

_On my life, _

_On my head, _

_Don't want to think about it. _

_Feels like I'm going insane, yeah…"_

"This isn't fair…" Kisame groaned as Itachi began to slowly, sensually, dance along with the lyrics.

"Whoo! Go hot-stuff!" A random guy that was, unfortunately, near our favorite shark. Kisame sighed before asking,

"Are you now, or have you ever been, a woman?"

"Uh… No." Kisame abruptly grabbed the guy's arm and flung him twenty-five seats away before Itachi continued,

"_It's a thief in the night to grab you… _

_It can creep up inside and consume you… _

_A disease of the mind, it can control you… _

_It's too close for comfort!"_ His dancing got faster as the lyrics changed,

"_Put on your pretty lies, you're in the city of wonder,_

_Not going to play nice, watch out you might just go under!_

_Better think twice, your train of thought will be altered! _

_So if you must falter be wise… _

_Your mind's in disturbia, it's like the darkness in the light! _

_Disturbia, am I scaring you tonight~? _

_Disturbia, not used to what you like~! _

_Disturbia! Disturbia~!"_

* * *

After the weasel's performance (and his five minute standing ovation), the Italy brothers walked on stage. The coordinators brought N. Italy a chair and offered one to S. Italy, but he refused it. "I'm not lazy like this moron here!" he stated as he brought out a tambourine from behind himself; shaking the instrument to make sure all the small cymbals were loose.

"Ve… I'm not lazy, just sleepy!" Feliciano yawned, taking a simple acoustic guitar from behind him. He strummed it a few times, tuning a string or two, before he gave a 'go ahead' to the commentator.

"He's probably just going to sing another song about pasta or tomatoes for that matter." Germany sighed as he sat in the audience.

"And just what is wrong with tomatoes?" Spain asked, eating a plate of Paella.

"Where did you get that?" Kisame had to ask. The brunette nation replied, as if it was completely normal,

"Paella man." And, indeed, there was a man in the audience selling plates of Paella next to the Sushi man and the Haggis man. After a while, the audience finally shut up. Lovino waited for his brother to begin but had to slap him upside the head to get him started. And he did.

But the music he played right now wasn't hyper, wasn't peppy, wasn't silly. It was a calm song that Lovino added to by keeping the rhythm intact via tambourine. After a bit of an intro, N. Italy sang,

"_All alone in a room with nobody else,  
I stare blankly at the lifeless sunset…  
Suddenly I feel helpless, from the loneliness.  
I sing a melody…"_ He held the note for a moment before he continued, Then, both brothers began the humming portion of the song, which actually wasn't as irritating as one would think.

"This song without a name, it eases the pain…  
Loneliness, all the rest, let them fade away…  
No one but me will ever hear, the world disappears…  
My song. My lyrics. Just me."

"_Mm~ Mm-mm~ Mm-mm Mm-m-mm~_

_Hm-mm~ Hm… _

_Mm~ Mm-mm~ Mm-mm Mm-m-mm~_

_Hm-mm~ Hm…__**( 1 )**__" _

* * *

"Hi everyone~!" Feliks waved as he walked onto the stage, now conveniently holding a stripper-pole (the same stripper-pole that was used in the 'Trading Spaces' challenge). The blonde got into position and waited until the music he chose ('Alejandro' by Lady Gaga) started playing…

(Section Break)

As he was escorted of the stage, Poland fumed, "Okay, like, seriously! How was I supposed to know that Pole-dancing wasn't a talent?"

"I just told you that not even five hours ago!" Itachi screamed.

* * *

"Next up, that psychopathic albino Hidan will be showing off his carving skills and –"

"STABBY-STAB-STAB TIME!" Hidan yelled out as he rushed forward to the tree that was placed on the stage. The clock on screen immediately began counting from thirty seconds down as Hidan chopped and sliced the wood into an unknown shape.

"Um, Hidan make sure that the scraps don't hit the audience…" The commentator warned. But Hidan was too far gone to make any adjustments. It especially showed when a stray block of wood flew and hit Shuichi in the head.

"Better him than me." Finland and Bayonetta agreed at the same time. However, Eiri Yuki rushed over and groaned,

"Like I need him getting any dumber!"

Finally, the clock made it to zero and Hidan stopped his movement; making sure to get the wood chips out of his hair. "Check it bitches!" When the dust settled, there was a large wooden statue of the mascots of the Games, Michael and Sasha. "I would have done Jashin-sama, but I would have needed a _lot_ longer than 30 seconds, let me tell you!"

* * *

Sheik, as high as he was, introduced the audience to the ancient art of Sheikaih Smoke Dancing. He had four different pots that, with special herbs and dusts, produced different colored smokes. The slim male's slow, calculated, graceful movements then caused the smoke to swirl and move in different designs and patterns. It was near the end when he brought everything together and made a band of color that, when it shined in the sun, made…

Not one…

But two rainbows.

"Oh my God, it's the double rainbow **( 2 )**!" A random hippy gasped. But the commentator shoved him away, yelling,

"Get that out of here!"

* * *

Everyone had to wait a moment while Pip talked his song choice over and found the exact musician to play the music for him. He quickly found him, pulling a teenager with short black hair, dressed in a striped shirt, jeans, and a red baseball cap to the stage. Everyone could see Pip thanking the guy in earnest before the teen snapped his fingers, a yellow and blue guitar appearing in his hands. Pip smiled and bounced over to the center of the stage where the mic was set up. He gave a signal and the teenager began playing.

"Oh Lucifer, no…" Damien groaned as the intro to the song started.

"What is it?"

"It's Pip's favorite song. The song that represents undauntable optimists everywhere." When Pip began dancing around the stage, Damien groaned even louder, "It's 'Pollyanna' **( 3 )**!"

"_I believe the morning sun, _

_Always gonna shine again! And! _

_I believe a pot of gold, _

_Waits at every rainbow's end… Oh! _

_I believe in roses kissed with dew! _

_Why shouldn't I believe the same in you?"_

Everyone in the audience, even the team members, had a sheer look of horror on their face. Had anything they ever heard ever sounded so… Saccharine?

"Ike, I'm scared." Pip shuddered as he huddled close to his blue mercenary lover. But Pip kept on,

"_I believe in make-believe! _

_Fairy tales and lucky charms! And! _

_I believe in promises… _

_Spoken as you cross your heart. Oh…"_

"Itachi," Hidan began, slightly retching, "I think this song is giving me diabetes."

"_I believe in skies forever blue! _

_Why shouldn't I believe the same in you?"_ Just then, Pip frowned a bit, singing,

"_You may say I'm a fool... _

_Feeling' the way that I do~!" _But he brightened up with a smile and added,

"_You can call me 'Pollyanna', _

_Say I'm crazy as a loon! _

_I believe in silver linings and that's why _

_I believe in you!"_

* * *

The next blonde on stage roughened up things a little. Gregory was showing off his skills with his guns: he started off shooting a can into the air and keeping it up there until he had to reload, then he shot the cap off of a soda bottle at some random point in the audience, and he ended by shooting a picture of himself into the nearest wall, even adding his signature in bullets.

As everyone cheered, Christophe huffed, "Show-off."

* * *

Everyone watched in awe as Chazz Princeton performed the song 'UN Owen Was Her?' **( 4 )** on piano. It wasn't just that the song was a difficult one to perform, it was that he did it with such ease that the commentator had to ask when he had finished, "Chazz, do you have any Austrian heritage in your blood?"

"It would give a better explanation for the hair…" Zane nodded.

* * *

The last two key events for Team Uke were the Shota-Shota Trio (Pit, Haku, and Ranmaru) conducting a cheer-leading routine to the song 'Bein' Friends'. Needless to say, seeing the adorable males prance about in skimpy red and pink cheer-leading outfits caused Ike, Zabuza, and Raiga to spontaneously pass-out in nose-bleeds. The other was America and Canada getting into a tap-dancing competition which turned out to be quite the sight (the two brothers seemed to be more competitive about Tap than they were about Hockey).

The judges seemed to talk over what they had seen today before they shoved Finland to the front in order to say, "The others and I have decided to wait until the final event in order to tally up the points again."

"What?" Both teams asked.

"Sorry…" Finland chuckled nervously. Kisame merely shook his head and Itachi wanted to say something but he muttered,

"It would look bad if I yelled at someone that adorable."

* * *

**A/N: **

**( 1 ) – 'The Nameless Song'! Probably my favorite Len Kagamine song (second only to 'Paradichlorobenzene'). It has so much emotion in it… Even if it's a song about being abandoned, but still. **

**( 2 ) – I don't know when this meme started, what it's really about, but I just think hippies are funny either way. **

**( 3 ) – 'Pollyanna'… The word itself is the term for a person who's inhumanly optimistic. But this Pollyanna is one of the most well-known songs from the Nintendo RPG 'Mother (aka Earthbound Zero)' of the 'Mother' series. I LOVE THESE GAMES! * crickets chirp * Sorry, I just get really excited when anything about the 'Mother' series is mentioned. **

**( 4 ) – This song! Hard as all hell to perform on any scale, probably well-known for **_**all**_** the wrong reasons. This is the song for one Flandre Scarlet, the optional boss for the danmaku shooter game Touhou 6 (trying to download this game, if anyone wants to help…). An adorable little girl… Who happens to be a 495 year-old vampire… Whose abilities are, literally you can look this up, 'the power to destroy and annihilate all living things'… With pretty rainbow colored wings… **

**But, seriously, type up 'UN Owen Was Her' on YouTube and you'll either get a remix of the song or the original. **

**TG- … Meep! I don't know, I was kind of tired when I wrote this, I can't think of my usual commentary. **

**Please review. **

**-Tyranno's girl. **


	76. Final Event

"Okay everyone!" The commentator's voice called out from the speaker system of the Crown Stadium. "If everyone could please take a seat…"

It was the afternoon of the day that followed the Talent Show. Meaning..?

The final event. It all came down to this. The Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny that would show…

Huh? What's this? * reads paper * Oh awesome, It's from the band Lemmon Demon… What the..? What do you mean I can't use those words because coincidentally they're the title of one of your songs? Son of a…

Okay, let's do that again. It'll be… It's going to be epic as a double rainbow across the sky.

There! Can I use _that_ phrase?

* * *

Everyone was sitting down in the audience, both teams in color-coordinated chairs, the commentator spoke again, "Now what you may not know is that at the beginning of the Games we gave the captain of each team a video camera."

"We already knew that!" One audience member stated, another adding,

"You've been twittering about it for the past month now!"

"…Shut up." The commentator frowned before she moved on, "The captains were supposed to tape day-to-day life in their houses while answering a panel of important questions." She chuckled, "Let's see how they did, shall we? Starting off with our favorite sharky Mizukage, Kisame Hoshigaki!" The audience cheered, no one noticing the gulps from various Team Seme members as the video was loading.

Finally, the movie started… with a massive close up of the Mizukage's face. There were some chuckles in the audience as the Kisame in the movie asked, "Is this thing on?" He tapped the device and stared at it again, wondering, "What's that red light? Hm…" He then turned and yelled, "KAKUZU!"

The video blanked out for a moment before it came on again, Kakuzu explaining how to use the camera to Kisame. "You understand now?"

"I think so?"

"Good, now if you'll excuse me, time is money and if you're wasting my time…"

"I'm wasting your money." Kisame sighed, waving the brunette off.

* * *

"Hey guys!" Kisame began in another part of the video, "This is Hoshigaki Kisame, current Mizukage and leader of the Mizu Union, and Team Seme captain for the Seme Uke Games!" The camera shook as it was turned towards a familiar blue building.

"Welcome to Seme Estate! Let's go in, huh?" Kisame walked the camera over and into the house where, of course, things were more than lively. Damien was currently helping England fix up the infamous Busby's Chair, Prof. Oak and Orochimaru were conversing and laughing around the coffee table, Kevin was trying to talk with Germany about how much a good car should cost, a swing of the camera brought the back door into view. Outside, Stan, Craig, Prussia, and Korea were playing a game of Rugby. Christophe was too busy digging holes all over the backyard to be bothered.

Kisame looked back inside and saw Link, Ike, and Roy helping each other with sword-wielding tips, followed by Sasuke and Zane flipping through channels until they found a My Chemical Romance marathon.

Kisame was about to go into the kitchen and see what else was up until a call of "Comrade!", followed by the camera (and its holder) being glomped to the ground.

"Hello Russia. Everything okay?"

"Nyet." The cream-haired nation held up a finger, "My name is Ivan. You will call me that."

"Sure thing!"

* * *

"As much fun as it is to have a bunch of young blood in the house, there are times when it's a _pain_ in the _ass_!" Kisame gritted out the two words before he sighed and explained, "So, I leave the keys to the bus on hanging on the wall, expecting that they will stay on the damn wall… But do they stay there? No !"

_888_

The next bit of video footage showed the seme bus being towed away while Stan, Craig, Damien, Christophe, Link, Roy, and Kevin were being written up by the police for joy-riding under the influence. "Sir, please..!" Kevin begged the police officer who was currently hooking the bus up to a tow-truck. "Don't impound the bus! Give me a ticket, have me spend a night in jail, just don't take the bus – And you're taking the bus! Damn, damn, damn!" As the bus was being towed away and Kevin was given a hefty ticket, Stan panicked,

"Dude, what the hell are we going to do when Kisame finds out we lost the bus?" They all gulped before Link silently took out his ocarina in an attempt to warp out of there. However, before he could play a single note, Damien took it and crushed it in his fist.

"If we get screwed over because of this, you are too!"

_And sure enough…_

After a painfully awkward phone call back to the Estate, Kisame was currently debating with Kakuzu (who had accompanied him to the Police station, along with Russia) whether they should spend the money to get the bus out of the impound lot.

"When we get home, you guys are going to tell me why me, Kakuzu, and Ivan had to hitch a ride all the way here and pay for our bus.", Kisame chastised as he gave up the cash.

"Yes sir…" The caught teens groaned, causing Kisame to sigh,

"Damn kids… I'm getting too old for this shit." The shark was quiet for a moment before he flinched and panicked, "But I'm not a Misoji or anything! Don't call me 'Misoji'!"

* * *

"Are you sure we should be doing this comrade?" Russia's voice whispered from somewhere behind the camera.

"It'll be fine, Ivan." Kisame chuckled as a blue hand opened the door in front of them. The door creaked open, revealing one Sasuke Uchiha sleeping in his bed… Sucking his thumb.

(Cue the 'aw's from the audience and the yell of 'Damn it Kisame!')

"Aw… He's so adorable…" Kisame cooed, Ivan adding,

"Like an angry little puppy dog." Eventually, the noise got to the point that Sasuke's eyes drifted open. Then he blinked. Then he stared. Then he screamed,

"AAH! Rape! Rapist! Stay away from me Michael Ja – I mean, Orochimaru!" **( 1 )**, the navy bluenette even started swinging his pillow in defense. Suddenly, Orochimaru burst into said room and yelled,

"What the hell is it, can't an evil-mastermind get any sleep without getting accused of being Michael Jackson's or Michael Jackson's long-lost cousin?"

('It's not my fault that you look just like him.'

'Are you blind or something?')

* * *

"Kisame~!"

"Big brother!" From footage of the Seme Estate Surveillance System (Which had been installed, out of fear, by Kisame and Russia) the two yells were heard.

"Psycho-bitch alert! Psycho-bitch alert!" Kisame roared as he ran through the house, looking for a hiding place. Not even a second later, Ivan rushed past him, with a yell of,

"This is not a drill!", then he rushed into a hallway closet and locked it. Kisame had tried to find a different place (hell, he even tried to find the keys to the bus so he could leave!) but it was no use as most of the other semes had gone into their own rooms and bunkered down for the on-cming apocalypse. The shark rushed back to the closet and banged on the door, yelling,

"Ivan! Ivan, open the door!"

"Would you get in here already?"

The semes that were still in the main room gulped and merely looked at the front door. There was scratching… Then a snarl of, "Brother is here…"

"Move please." Samehada's voice spoke gently. In a flash, the door was split down the middle by a sandaled foot before gentle-_looking_ fingers clawed the remains away.

"I'm too young to die!" Aster screamed (kind of like a little girl, but we won't tell him that.)

"I'm too old to die!" Prof. Oak groaned. But Zane passed over the screaming and the groaning in favor of rushing to his room with a statement of,

"Screw your lives, I have money!" When the two women at the door finally made it trhough, the rest of the semes quickly headed for the hills.

"Brother! We must prepare our wedding!" Belarus called as she searched through the house, turning over couches and removing doors from hinges. Samehada's hunting technique was a bit more calm and collected: She kicked open doors while holding up a pen and paper,

"I have the divorce papers! It's okay, I'll force Itachi to sign them!"

"Alexandr would be much better with me as a mother than that America-faggot!", Natalia growled as her patience was wearing thin.

"I'll take care of Mizuki! Come on, think about it!"

"Brother, stop this nonsense and come out!"

"KISAME~!" After that outburst, Samehada crouched onto the ground and began sniffing at it, following an unknown trail until she hit a door. "Huh? Wait a minute!" She sniffed at the seam of the door before she announced, "I smell fish cakes… And vodka!"

"IT IS BIG BROTHER!" At that, Belarus foced her hands through the wooden closet door and pulled a chunk of it away. "TIME TO GET MARRIED, MARRIED, MARRIED!" The two men who had been in the closet (heh heh) hugged each other and cried,

"Please! Just go away!"

"Come on… This'll only hurt a bit!" Samehada grinned, her sharp teeth shining as the two women removed the door and just as they went in for the kill…

Kisame and Russia disappeared in a poof of smoke.

"What the..?" Before they could even realize what happened, a heavier door shut them into the closet space.

"Sorry Natalia…" Russia sighed as he held the door against Belarus and Samehada's attempts to escape. "But you just so irrational at times. Right Comrade?" He turned to Kisame who, while hammering the door shut, was muttering,

"Bros before hos… Bros before hos… Bros before hos… Bros before hos…"

"See, he understands where I am coming from."

After an hour (and three more doors and five cases of railroad-strength nails), the closet was shut away. To add a final touch, Kisame hung up a small sign that read, 'Beware, here thar be s dragynns.' "There we go. Now maybe we can have some peace of mind and –"

"GRAAGH!" With a loud crack, Belarus had managed to get her hand through the barrier and was reaching out for whatever or whoever she could use to get out.

"Russia! Kisame!" Germany called as he walked into the Estate (he had been visiting Isabella, and he was officially now the keeper of the bus keys), "What happened here?"

"Give me those!" Kisame barked out, snatching the keys away and bolting out the door. "Come on Ivan!"

"Good luck!", the large nation smiled as he exited stage right, leaving everyone else to survive on their own.

* * *

The camera was focused on Kisame seeing if he could mix saké with vodka. After he figured out an exact vodka to sake ratio, he was interrupted by someone, Zabuza, asking out of the blue, "Aren't you supposed to be doing something, cousin?" The abrupt voice caused the shark to spill his drinks.

"Aw…" He groaned but then he replied, "Do you just strive to make my life miserable? I mean, was our break up really that bad?" You could hear the strain in Zabuza's voice as he bit back,

"Yes… Yes it was. But you have a video to make that isn't about mixing drinks and…" A second later, Kisame was trying to mix the drink again. "You having fun there, cousin?" The bluenette waited until he tasted his concoction before he half-heartedly replied,

"Somewhat. What was that about the video?"

"We need to finish it, _estupido_!"

"Hey!" Kisame smiled, "You haven't spoken Spanish since I came back to Kirigakure!" Zabuza didn't share the mirth.

"Kisame…"

"Fine, fine…" Whiel he was putting the bottles away, he murmured, "What to talk about, what to say… You know what? Let's just talk about random stuff and –" He saw the look that Zabuza was giving him and readjusted his statement, "We've had a lot of fun here in Seme Estate over the past few months. From silly things like playing Guitar Hero for hours on end…"

888

The Semes had gathered into the main room of the Estate to play Prussia's fully hacked version of Guitar Hero. They played peacefully, some good, some souding drunk, some actually being drunk, until Sasuke went to take the mic away from England. "What are you doing?" The blonde nation asked, blinking. Sasuke raised an eyebrow,

"It's my turn, give up the mic."

"Um, no. You see, I didn't even want to sing the last song. Korea forced me to because of the drum solo on it."

"Less talky, more mic-y."

"No."

"Give it…"

"Make me!"

The two… Would you define them as tsundere? No, I don't think so. The two jerks, yeah that's it, the two jerks glared at each other while the next song was being selected, until, finally…

"Give me that mic!", Sasuke yelled, tackling England to the ground. Arthur merely replied,

"Try it, ya wanker!"

888

"And… Oh! We had the Great Oil-Wrestling Championship!", Kisame suddenly remembered.

888

"You ready for this?" Kisame, clad in only a speedo, chuckled as he circled his opponent in a wrestling ring swamped in baby-oil. Said opponent, Kakuzu Hoku clad in basically the same, smirked,

"Bring it, Kiri-boy." Someone counted down from three and at 'one', the two large men rushed each other; the brunette immediately going for the shark's shoulders.

"Oh no you don't!" Kisame laughed before he did the same motion. The two were at a vicious stalemate, the other semes cheering and whooping wildly around them, for quite a while. Then, from the sidelines, Russia's voice called,

"Look! I have money!"

"Where?" Kakuzu turned and loosened his grip to the point that Kisame could push forward onto his back, the action causing a wave of oil to splash into the air.

"See Kakuzu!" Kisame growled as he wrestled with the brunette, trying to get Kakuzu to surrender, the oil glistening down their bodies; making muscles shine and look that much more profound.

"Damn it…" Kakuzu gritted out, oil dripping from his hair. How was he going to get out of this?

"Hey! Tag the awesomeness in!"

There was almost no way out.

"Come on! Taggy, taggy!"

Why, oh why couldn't he think of a way out of this?

"Tag me in!" Prussia had been yelling from the sidelines for the past five minutes when Kakuzu finally yelled,

"Fine! Get in here already!"

Gilbert whooped in excitement and Kisame was able to look up just in time to get a chair to the face that sent him flying to the other side of the ring, landing with a splash.

"Aw, what the hell?" Kisame groaned, rubbing his nose, "I told you guys, no chairs!" He then brought out a long sheet of parchment paper and exclaimed, "It goes against the code of oil wrestling and…" He stopped, sighing, "Prussia, what's with the man-thong, I mean really?" The albino merely stretched out his arms, showing off his red man-thong of awesomeness (more like 'of over-compensatingness').

"It shows off my awesome five meters!"

888

"And spying on Team Uke has been really fun." All of a sudden, Raiga's voice interjected with,

"Kisame, you might not want to tell them that."

"Why not? It's not like they haven't been spying on us." Kisame began before he stared at the camera and added, "That's right, ukes, we know."

888

The camera was currently focused on Pip, who was making a tray-set of tea for a bit of brunch for the ukes. He had just finished pouring a can of condensed milk into a mother-of-pearl shaded container when he realized that there was some left.

"I could watch this all day…" Sasuke's voice drifted from behind the device. "What is it with me and bloande hair and blue eyes? I mean, he could never compare to the dobe, but…"

"I don't know," Kisame's voice began, "I'm more of a snowy-fair skin and noirette fan myself."

"Okay, fish-breath, please don't mention your never-ending love of my brother right now."

"Oh, how do I love my wife Itachi? Let me count the ways!"

"Shut up!"

* * *

The camera showed Kisame at the dining table, going over some documents from Kirigakure. "Why the hell couldn't this wait? I'm on vacation, for crying out loud!" He muttered as he read and signed one before going to another. But before he could keep reading, Kakuzu sat on one side of him, and Russia occupied the other. "Huh? Did I miss something?" Then the shark frowned, "Did James come back and pick a fight with Sasori again?"

"No…" Kakuzu rolled his eyes.

"But you might want to just keep an eye out for that, da?" Russia chuckled, readjusting the camera before Kakuzu began again,

"You know, Mizukage-sama, there's one more thing that you have to do before we end this video."

"What?" Kisame groaned, slamming the papers on the table, "But I have to address the important subject of," He read the paper, "The rising prices of water in the Mizu… Union…" His frown grew until he folded the papers back up and asked, "What were you saying?"

"There was just one thing that we started these games to prove one thing, right?"

"Right..?"

"But you haven't answered the question yourself, Kisame. Who do you think is better, a seme or an uke?" When the question was done, Kisame sighed before he asked a question of his own.

"Why does anyone really care? I mean, I don't necessarily think about it. Why does anyone else?"

"Because if you don't answer this the right way, Itachi will never let you live this down.", Ivan chimed, fishing his coat for another bottle of vodka.

"… Oh damn, I guess you're right." The shark's chuckles filed the room as he decided to stand up to stretch his legs. "Um, okay. Ahem, it is my firm opinion that, given the evidence presented by the results of these Games, I would say that Semes are better. Now, I am going to provide evidence on why I say this." He waved someone over, Kakuzu simply shaking his head, "Let's start off with Prussia's evidence. Gilbert?" In an instant, the albino jumped in front of the camera and exclaimed,

"Come on! We're just naturally more awesome than you ukes!"

"Thank you Prussia." The brunette nin shoved the albino nation out of the way before he sighed, "Can we get a better reason, please?"

"Okay, fine." Kisame laughed before he thought about it. A moment later, he snapped his fingers and began, "We aren't all the brightest. But, then again, some of us are. Many of us are brutish, goofy, and have really morbid senses of humor. Others of us are handsome, cold, and stand-offish. We drink a lot, we eat a lot, we do stupid things like get into unnecessary fights with each other for God knows what reasons.

But on the plus side of all those faults, we have a lot of perks. We're the ones who fix the cars, the ones who can hold our liquor so you can have a good time, doubt free. We can always try to find the comedy in our lives, we're the over-protective fathers, we can eat almost anything, and we make karaoke night hilarious. However, we have one thing that can label us as better.

We have the keenest ability to endure. No matter what our ukes are feeling, or whatever we are going through or _have_ gone through, we can keep our personalities stable enough to keep the things that make us… us alive."

After was done, the area was quiet for a whole five minutes before Kisame looked at the camera and smiled. "Team Seme…"

All of the semes piled in for a group battle-cry before the tape went off…

Just to pop back on with a slide-show of Orochimaru with the 'Bed Intruder' song playing.

"Damn it Kisame!" Orochimaru seethed, Kisame laughing,

"I did _not_ put that in there! But I congratulate whoever did!" Before a fight between the snake and shark rose up, the commentator stated,

"I'm just going to pop in Team Uke's video now.

* * *

"Mm…" Itachi moaned as he was wearing nothing but an over-sized, blue and chibi shark patterned t-shirt, and eating a bowl of cereal. "I know that I'm known for my love of dango… Mm… But I just _love_ Corn Flakes." Itachi ate in silence for few more minutes, the camera zooming in and out, before he twitched and looked in the camera's direction. "What the… Deidara, are you recording?"

"Well, yeah un."

"You son of a…!"

_BEEEP. _The last thing the camera showed before it went to a color bar screen was Itachi rushing towards the blonde behind the camera.

Itachi was using the reality tv show formula for his video (the main character of the moment being put aside in a certain room to talk about something) and he was sitting in a big, fluffy, red chair, the screen reading _'Itachi Uchiha Hoshigaki, infamous clan-killer, sexiness incarnate, wife to the current Mizukage, and part-time school teacher.'_ "So, what can I say about my time with the other ukes in Uke Manor. Hm…"

* * *

One thing that was popular in Uke Manor was debate. And the topic du jour was… "Okay, we are going to settle this once and for all!" Itachi announced as he took the camera and went to find his game-changer. He walked into teh kitchen and called out, "America! We need your celebrity obsessed brain to help us decided a question!"

"Go on, shoot!" The blonde replied as he was making himself an ice cream, Cocoa Puff, chocolate syrup, and cake sandwich.

"Oprah Winfrey: Is she a lesbian?" America stiffened before he replied, as if rehearsed,

"I think Ms. Winfrey is a wonderful woman and a shining example for people everywhere. And she is certainly not a lesbian." **( 2 )**

"You're not very convincing, America." Itachi sighed. But immediately, America whispered,

"You think that woman has Obama on a tight leash? Look at me!" He held up his leg and rolled back his jeans legs to reveal a monitoring anklet. "I can only say good things about Ms. Winfrey or else I'll get lit up worse than Time Square on New Year's Eve!" Just then, Alfred was electrocuted as if he had just sat on a Pikachu. "AH! What did I do now?"

* * *

The next clip, however, didn't have Itachi sitting on the big, fluffy, red chair. America was sitting on the chair, with Naruto and Deidara on the sides, the screen reading: _'Naruto Uzumaki Uchiha, current Hokage, and all-around spastic, quick to act, moron', 'Deidara Azumoji, S-rank explosives expert, self-proclaimed artist',_ and_ Alfred F. Jones, aka The United States of America, aka 'The nation of know-it-alls-who-need-to-mind-their-own-damn-business._ The blondes all sighed before Deidara smiled, "Itachi is… un…"

"He's bitch incarnate!" Naruto growled, America adding,

"He's always telling me that I should lose weight and quit being so lazy! I try, damn it! I drink diet sodas! And I'm never just sitting down or laying down, I'm always playing video games!"

* * *

_Examples of Itachi's bitchiness?_

France walked over to the pantry one morning, deciding that he couldn't wait until 5 PM to get drunk. He pulled out a bottle of wine and immediatly chugged it down. A blue eye widened sporadically before the liquid made its way back to the ground. "Qu'est-ce-que? What is this swill?"

"Hey, yeah!" Itachi walked over, holding a bottle of water. "Remember when you replaced all my clothes with S&M/Furry gear? Well enjoy 1,000 years of badly tainted alcohol!"

"But why? This wine was made when Napoleon was born!" France even fell to the floor, sobbing his eyes out for his fallen wine. Itachi merely walked away, chuckling evilly.

_Here's another._

"Itachi~!" Tobi sobbed as he was locked out of Uke Manor. "Itachi, please let Tobi in! The fangirls found out where we're staying and now they're swarming the door~!"

"Too bad, so sad. Maybe this will teach you next time not to fill up my Tivo with Glee!" Itachi yelled back as he was trying to catch up on the shows that he had been missing due to the other ukes hogging up the TV.

"But Itachi~!"

"Shh! Watching Modern Family! Shut up!"

* * *

"Psh, I know that the other ukes think that I'm 'bitchy'." Itachi began, back in his rightful spot. "Well what do you expect?" Itachi asked the camera, "I mean, look at me, I _am_ hotter than Sephiroth and Lord Sesshoumaru combined."

_**Ding!**_** TG- … There are people who actually think this, I kid you not. ( 3 )**

Even on the screen, the phrase 'Uchihas have no humility whatsoever.'appeared Unfortunately, it was visisble enough for Itachi to read it.

"…"

"You guys are asses, you know that? I happen to be very emotional and understanding!"

* * *

Marth was crying his eyes out about Roy's drinking. It wasn't like he was abusive or anything, but his antics were so… _unsavory._ "I just don't know what to do anymore… He won't listen to me, so what else should I try?" Canada rubbed his shoulder (he and Sheik were keeping him company while he was crying),

"Yeah, you really should get him some help." Then the meek nation beamed, "Oh! Like AA, eh!" Marth could only blink.

"AAA? But, we don't need car repair."

"No, Alcoholics Anonymous."

"Oh, so AA.", Sheik asked, Matthew nodding,

"Yeah, AA, eh?" Marth was seriously confused,

"Wait, what? I thought we were talking about AA?"

"Eh!", Canada nodded.

"SO HELP ME GOD, IF I HEAR ONE MORE 'EH'!" At Itachi's scream, the three ukes stopped their speech long enough for Itachi to calm back down. But then Matthew began again,

"You know what can never figure out?" Everyone was quiet, even America who had come over because he was bored. "The lyrics to 'Umbrella'. I can never figure out if it's 'Ey, ey', eh. Or if it goes 'Ey, ey, ey', eh."

"OH MY GOD, WHO THE FUCK CARES?", Itachi's voice yelled out again, but Alfred continued,

"Hm, maybe add another 'ey'?"

"Oh, so 'Ey, ey, ey', eh? Or maybe…"

"SHUT THE HELL UP!"

* * *

Despite the failed attempts of Team Uke trying to portray it, the three blonde haired, blue eyed males from earlier had a point. 'If you give a mouse a cookie, they'll want a glass of milk', If you give an Uchiha some power, they'll go psycho on you.

"Alright pansies!" Itachi called out as he forced all the ukes outside for training excercises. "You are here to train and train you will do! I don't care if nails get broken,"

"Oh dear…" Count D mumbled, looking at his own impressive set.

"If clothes get dirty,"

"Of course it would be the day that I decide to try out a new cape." Marth sighed, regretting his purchase of his white, suede cape. Just then, the Italian brothers were about to pipe up until Itachi cut them off via,

"And I don't care if you're tired! You two sleep eighteen hours a day on average already!"

"Aw…"

"But now, I am going to make sure that we will win the next challenge of these games with…" Itachi reached into his pocket and pulled out a scroll, "This!"

"And that is..?" At the group question, Itachi smirked and stated,

"This is the training manual that is used for Kirigakuran genin." As he read through it, a mutter of, "It was hell getting this thing out of the Mizu Union though.", was heard.

"Wait a moment," Iruka began, "That's just a genin manual, how bad can it be?" At that, Ranmaru coughed before Haku explained,

"It's a well-known fact in the Mizu Union that only 2 out of every five students that enter the Kirigakuran Shinobi system make it to graduateion. And it's all because of that manual."

The area quickly grew silent.

"We should start off with jogging across the vat of boiling water… Oh! Or maybe even the crocodile wrestling! I know, we should…" By the time Itachi looked up again, the area had been cleared out. "Damn it all to..!"

* * *

"I'm going to say this once, and only once!" Itachi began again in the red room. "Team Seme! Stop spying on us! It's embarrassing enough when we have to see you guys doing things like oil wrestling, but do you have to make even the smallest actions from us erotic?"

888

The camera was slowly zooming in on Seme Estate's backyard, where a small competition was being held.

"What the hell are they doing?" Itachi asked as he was holding said camera.

"Wrestling, it looks like.", Sheik's voice put in its own two cents.

"I'm seeing a lot more flesh than I thought I would during a competition like this." Count D hummed, you could hear the smile on his lips. "It's actually quite intriguing."

"Hey! Even Kakuzu-san's competing!" Tobi chimed, tugging the camera to show the brunette walking into the ring. When Kisame managed to get Kakuzu to the ground and drench both of their muscles in gleaming oil, the camera abruptly dropped, Itachi muttering,

"Excuse me.", as he rushed off, leaving the camera to fall into the hands of someone else.

"I got it! I – Oh, Itachi~!" Ben groaned as he retrieved the camera. "You got blood all over it!"

* * *

"Hey, but there are times when we all have fun!" Itachi readjusted one of his cushions before continuing, "I have been told by them that I am one of the best nail-painters that they have ever gone to!"

The camera quickly panned over to the rest of Team Uke sitting around the main room. After looking at their hands, they admitted, "It's true."

"See! I'm telling the truth." With a devastating smirk that would have brought a lesser man to his knees, Itachi sighed, "There is nothing that an Uchiha can't do."

The camera panned back over and showed the rest of the ukes as they stated, "Except cook."

888

_It seemed like no matter who tried… _

"Itachi! Pour l'amour de Dieu (For the love of God), all you have to do is place the berries, cream, and short-bread in alternating order into the cup! C'est tres facille (It's very easy)!" Itachi could only gulp as France was trying to teach him how to make something simple: A parfait. The noirette gulped and tried the pour in some cream…

Just for the glass to shatter into a million pieces. Francis could only stare at the counter in disbelief as Itachi whimpered and cried, "Everything I touch dies!" The weasel's sobs even prompted everyone who was around to take one big step to the side.

888

_There was not a person alive…_

The next day, America tried to teach Itachi how to make some fine, healthy American cuisine. Which meant a nice, tasty hamburger. The problem was, when Itachi tried to place the patty on the stove…

"Where did the fire originate?" A fireman (a big, sexy, strong fireman) asked as his team was finishing off the fight against the flames that had engulfed the kitchen. A collective silent glance went towards Itachi, who sobbed,

"Everything I touch dies!",

Prompting everyone to take a big step to the side.

888

"Itachi, you may have had a bit of bad luck in the past," Ben began, dragging a _very_ reluctant Itachi back to the kitchen, "But I think this'll be you're big day. We're going to make a nice, simple smoothie!" Itachi looked at the ice cream, yogurt, and various fruits that were on the counter and then to the blender.

"It can't be as easy as it looks."

"But it is! Come on, try it!" Ben urged the noirette on until, finally, Itachi went to work…

A few minutes later, a hazmat team had quarantined the kitchen of Uke Manor away, their captain asking, "And where did the weapon of mass-destruction originate?" Everyone looked at Itachi, who screamed,

"Everything I touch dies!",

Prompting everyone to take a step to the side.

_Who could teach Itachi to cook._

Itachi was peacefully reading a novel on the couch when Deidara, America, and Naruto jumped onto him and the couch: the first one exclaiming,

* * *

"Hey Itachi!"

"What the hell do you want? And get the hell off of me!" But America merely added,

"The committee wants us to ask you, once and for all, who do you think is more important: Semes or Ukes? And Why?" Itachi wanted to go on forcing the blonde trio off of him before he suffocated (especially with America there), but the question made him think.

"Who's better?" Itachi struggled to roll over to the side, deep in thought. "Of course I'm going to say ukes. But it would be stupid for me to leave it there without a reason behind my statement."

"Well..?" Naruto edged on.

"In brute strength most of the semes have us beat, I will begrudgingly admit that. Their senses of humor are brash, if not brutally honest. What do we have as ukes to bring to the table. Many of us are described as dumb, simple, moody, spastic… Cool beauty is one that I, myself, hear a lot. We put so much work in our… appearances alone, that it borderlines OCD.

But all that can be thrown out the window and buried six feet under. What really sets ukes apart, I think, is…" The weasel had to stop for a moment. It was a long moment and, just as Deidara was about to ask if he was okay, Itachi started again, "We're the thinkers, the lovers, the mothers. We're the hot to a seme's cold, the sweet to their sour, hell," He held up the Sasha and Michael plushies that Kisame had won for him, "The red to their blue! And, you all may not want to admit this, but there are times when a seme is at the point when the only thing that will calm them down is the presence of the one that loves them with all their heart, soul, and being. Their uke." Itachi chuckled,

"People may laugh at our actions, but hell, the semes wouldn't be able to live without them."

"Damn straight!" America pounded fists with the pale-skinned male before Itachi snuggled back into the couch, trying to reach his novel. "Whatever we do, it can always be labeled as 'tsundere', 'demure', 'kawaii', 'quaint'… It's a good deal, if I don't say so myself." Everyone nodded for a moment until Itachi shoved Deidara and Naruto off, muttering about fat blondes as he stood and stretched out. Until he smirked at another development in his mind, "Also, let's be frank. If ukes didn't exist, you semes wouldn't be getting any." The noirette walked away at that point, adding, "None, zip, nada!"

* * *

"Hey, what?" Kisame frowned along with the other semes, "Why do you ukes have to be so mean?"

"Well, he wasn't necessarily lying, now, was he?" S. Italy asked, trying to bite back laughter.

"Attention everyone!" Shuichi spoke up, "The judges are going to just tally up the results from this challenge and the final results of the games will be revealed tomorrow at the closing ceremonies!" Everyone took in the statement and decided that tonight would be the best time to start packing. The Games were almost over.

Just one more day.

**OMAKE 1**

As Kevin and the rest of the younger semes waited in the jail-cell that they had been forced into, a police officer came over and gave them a phone, stating,

"You get one phone call." Kevin snatched the device away, only one number in his mind.

"Who the hell is this and why shouldn't I kill you for waking me up?"

"Um, hi Kisame."

"Kevin? What the… Why the hell are you calling my phone at… 3 in the morning?"

"Well, you see… Me and the guys saw that we were running out of drinks so… We Kind of took the keys to the bus and drove to the store. Well, the cops didn't like our idea too much and on our way back they kind of… Um… Well, they…"

"Kevin, quit bull-shitting me man, what happened?" Just as the brunette was about to come up with a tale for the ages about how they were taken advantage of and forced into this cell by people who didn't understand them, Craig walked over and held up a piece of paper,

"Here's the impound ticket."

"Do you have the slimmest concept of bad timing?"

"Kevin?", Kisame made his presence on the phone known again.

"Yeah?"

"Did I happen to hear 'impound ticket'?"

"…" Kevin merely gulped, "What would happen if I said yes?", and he had to pull the phone from his ear when Kisame roared,

"THEY TOOK THE BUS?"

"It was an accident! I'm just a teenager and… It was all Stan's falut!"

"That is complete Bull-shit! Kisame, don't believe him!"

"Just…" The shark seethed quietly for a second before he began, "Stop talking! Look, just tell me where you guys are and we'll deal with this, alright?" Kevin actually beamed (and that's a feat because tough guys don't beam) and replied,

"Sure! Thank you so much, I –"

"You aren't off the hook for this, I hope you realize that."

"I know…"

**OMAKE 2**

"Sonic~!" Team Seme wasn't the only group that had to deal with psycho bitches. Right now, Amy Rose, a cute young woman with short, pink, curved hair and matching animal ears, was currently trying to pummel the door to Uke Manor down with her infamous golden hammer. "Quit avoiding me! You're really pissing me off, Sonic! Open this damn door!"

Inside the Manor, Sonic was cowering behind the main sofa; clutching a Shadow plushie to his chest. Itachi merely sighed after thirty minutes of noise and said,

"You should take care of that." Sonic shook his head. "Why not? She's about to break the door down." Sonic shook his head again. "Why are you acting like such a pussy over this? Go handle your woman!"

"But she scares me!" Sonic cried before zooming out to his room and bolting the door.

* * *

**A/N:**

**This wasn't mentioned mid-fic, but this chapter was slightly inspired by Rilili who, besides giving me the spring-board for the challenge, also drew me some fanart for the fic. Yay Rilili!**

**( 1 ) – Is it… too soon for Michael Jackson jokes? I mean, I more than mourned his death and I still think that everyone had it out for him (from the parents of that little boy to FUCKING CONRAD MURRAY!), but there are still some funny points. Does this make me a horrible person? **

**( 2 ) Do I think that Oprah Winfrey is a lesbian? … Um, I… Plead the fifth? **

**( 3 ) I still can't get over the people who think this! I mean, Itachi is hot and all, but Sesshoumaru was a **_**whole**_** lotta manliness. And Sephiroth is basically sex on wheels, so meh. **

**So… There's that. The next chapter is the end, thank you Jesus! Please review and read on! **

**-Tyranno's girl. **


	77. Closing Ceremonies

"Let's see… My shirts, my shoes, my shampoos can go here and my souvenirs will fit best…" Itachi was just about done packing up his final suitcase for the trip back home and he managed to fit his most important things into one teeny tiny case. "Here." He slammed the case shut and sat down on top to force the contents inside. "Perfect." He smiled and jumped off, determined to place his bags by the door.

_POP!_

Itachi flinched and turned around, seeing that the latch on the bag had broken. "God-fucking-damn it, that's the third one!"

* * *

Kisame was merely watching in complete awe as Russia packed all of his suitcases with a swift and effortless air until, "Done."

"Ivan… You are amazing! Thanks!"

"It is nothing," Russia smiled, "It is easy when you play Tetris so much like I do." **( 1 )**

* * *

Rather than Crown Stadium, if you had gone to a large event building called the Dragon's Hall, you would have first heard Katy Perry's 'Firework' beign sung live. Then, if you had found the right room, you would have found both teams sitting in designated areas and watching the black-haired song-bird performing. By the time the song finished, the commentator walked up and shook Katy's hand. "Thank you so much, Ms. Perry."

"No problem," She smiled before she called out as she left the stage, "GO TEAM UKE!" The ukes all cheered at that, Itachi laughing,

"Ha! In your faces!"

"So what," Kisame stood up, "We've got My Chemical Romance rooting for us!", and he actually pointed to the band that had come to perform earlier.

"Damn, that's a good band." America whispered to the noirette as he stood down.

Looking around at the audience, you could see that only a few excess guests were allowed to attend this event. Like Pein and Konan, the woman dressed in a sparkling purple gown. And Kisame's parent's, Mizuko walking to Konan with a bit of a surprise. When Pein looked behind her and smiled, Konan turned and positively lit up,

"Maki-chan!" Yes, Pein and Konan were still getting used to being new parents, and they wanted to support their friends but Maki… Really did not want to leave home. Mizuko offered to take care of the baby girl and, finally, was able to get her out of the house. Konan took her daughter and began cooing at her, laughing as Maki reached for her hair; the locks changing to purple as she reached. "She's warping reality again…"

"I know," Pein smiled, "It's adorable, isn't it?"

"Now before we get to the results of the Games, which the judges are still calculating as we speak, we have some awards to hand out!" The commenatator even waved a hand to the table where a series of glass trophies depicting Michael and Sasha stood. After a moment, the judges came out from behind the stage, taking a break from calculating, to hand out trophies. However, Chazz spoke up,

"There's an easier way to do this!"

"Really?" At that, China walked up on stage and pushed the table with the trophies to the uke side of the room, saying,

"There. Ukes take all. You all go home now."

"Get out of here…" Bayonetta seethed, holding up a gun and shooing the nation away.

"The award for best drunk goes to…" Finland announced, deciding to go from top to bottom on the list, "Roy!"

"Yes!" The young swordsman whooped as he rushed upstage to get his trophy, along with… "What's this?" The red-head asked as he looked at the piece of paper that Bayonetta gave him.

"It's a certificate for Alcoholics Anonymous." The witch sighed, "You should really look into them."

* * *

"The award for best bromance is, as if we didn't see this coming from a mile away…" Bayonetta called out, "Kisame and Russia."

"Oh my God!" The two winners were genuinely flabbergasted, Russia adding,

"I know! This is so unexpected, da?"

'_Are you shitting me?'_, was everyone's collective thought.

"This next award was kind of hard to give away," Finland began, holding up another trophy, "But we decided that in terms of most adorable uke, or in this case ukes, this trophy can only go to the Shota-Shota Trio!"

"So get up here you three-course meal of jail-bait!" Bayonetta laughed out.

* * *

The night went on and on, trophies being passed out (Itachi won 'Uke of the Year', another trophy of the same title he could add to his other ten; Kisame won 'Best Father Figure', which embarrassed him and pissed off England: 'I was robbed!'; Poland won 'Best Fashion'; Kakuzu won 'Best… Old Guy': 'This is a really insulting trophy to win, I swear…'; and, out of Kyle and Hidan, the albino got 'Most Vulgar Language': 'Fuck Yeah!') It was after the award for 'Best Michael Jackson Impersonator' was given (Orochimaru screaming "How was this even a category?", the judges went backstage to finish tallying up the results.

* * *

They actually rewatched the videos from the final event and went over notes that they had taken during the course of the Games. Finland was the first to speak, "I really think that, as a team, the Ukes have grown the most… But Kisame's speech in his video was really powerful." Shuichi nodded,

"Yeah, but the Ukes have kicked so much ass that it would be so wrong not to give them this title!"

"You both are bonkers!" Bayonetta snapped, "Team Seme has had this in the bag since these Games began, we need to just deal the final blow and announce it!"

"But the Ukes won the Truth challenge!" Finland protested. "That had a lot of points attached to it!" The three judges argued and reread their notes until finally, Bayonetta stated,

"Wait, let's go back to the actual score tablets and figure this out!" The three nodded and they tried to go back to the table where the notebook that had the results of the Games lay. But, when they got there, they all screamed in sheer horror.

There was a tiny, fluffy, white, adorable dog chewing and rolling around with the shredded remains of the notebook. When she noticed the attention on her, she barked; her tail wagging at the sight of her owner. "Hana-Tomago…" Finland nearly fainted.

"Oh dear Jesus…" Bayonetta gulped as she thought of the repurcussions of this.

* * *

Forty-five minutes later, the three judges walked back onto the stage: solemn looks on their faces. But their expressions weren't noticed at all, everyone applauded at the sight of them. The question that had brought on this whole big mess was going to be answered at last!

"Hey guys!" Shuichi began, "Are you ready for this?"

"Yeah, get on with it!" England called out.

"May I just say that it has been a great couple of months here in Domino City…"

"Get on with it!" Marth huffed, snatching a mug of beer away from Roy.

"I really feel that," The pinkette musician sniffled, "That we've all gotten so close and –"

"GET ON WITH IT!" Everyone (even people who were watching from their homes) yelled, shocking Shuichi into forcing Finland to the front of them.

"Um…" Finland began, shakily, "The winners of the first annual Seme Uke Games…"

"This is it…" Itachi was so excited.

"After much deliberation…"

"Here it comes…" Kisame smiled.

"The results show…" _'Oh, I've lived long enough.'_ Tino thought before he announced, "It's a tie!"

"WHAT?" The Semes screamed.

"WHAT?" The Ukes yelled. The on-screen representations of Michael and Sasha barked,

"WHAT?"

_**Ding!**_

**M. Night- What a twist! **

**TG- * punches out the director * Would you get out of here? * ahem * WHAT?**

Finland gulped as everyone on both teams looked about ready to kill. Just before some of them charged the stage, Shuichi rushed up and grabbed the mic. "Come on guys, you have to admit that we did something big here these past few months!" That didn't stop Link and Sheik from shooting arrows at the stage. "Ah, the pointy!" Finally, Bayonetta took the mic and started,

"Look, even if we didn't decide on a tie, these games couldn't have been settled normally!" The witch brushed her hair back, "You even said it yourselves, Kisame, Itachi, semes and ukes are equal in both pros and cons. It probably could never be decided in a competition like this."

"You know…" Kisame sighed as he moved his chair closer to Itachi, the younger finishing as his husband sat down,

"She does have a point." The three judges sighed in relief as the atmosphere got less hostile. Shuichi took the mic back,

"But, you guys got to meet new people, make new friends, gain new experiences!", before handing the mic to Finland, who smiled,

"And isn't that what really matters?" The room was quiet until Kisame had to ask,

"Hana-Tomago ate the tally results, didn't she?"

"Yes she did."

* * *

Despite the, ahem, less than satisfying results of the Games, with the main part of things out of the way, it was time for one final, important thing.

"Let's party like it's 1999!" Kisame shouted, breaking open a bottle of champagne. The party was going into full-swing: drinks flowing, luscious food, couples dancing. The ceremony was black-tie, so everyone was dressed formal and the first bout of music was classical/modern before more relatable music was put on with a special guest.

As soon as the first words to 'Just Dance' were sung out, Poland screamed, "It's Lady GaGa!", and nearly fainted when the pop-star walked on-stage (clad in an outfit made of red and blue crystal).

"Not my type of music, but okay." Kisame shrugged as he removed his suit jacket, revealing a more casual shirt. Itachi was about to shake off his husband's antics until he saw the other semes doing the same. "The hell..?"

"Come on Itachi, you didn't expect us to come to this thing without being ready to party, did you?" When Kisame held out a hand, Itachi merely shook his head,

"I should have known…"

* * *

The night went off without a hitch, no maulings, no police calls, no drunken brawls, no nrawls of any sort for that matter. And, as the night was winding down, Sasha barked from the main screen, "Hey guys! Look over here!" When everyone's attention was caught, Michael added,

"If you would all be so kind as to look up." Everyone did and they saw that the roof was being opened to show a clear view of the night sky.

"Okay, so what the fuck are we looking at?" Hidan asked, sitting next to Kakuzu and pulling on his hair just to be annoying. And, not even a few seconds later, there was an explosion of color in the center sky, followed by a flurry of designs.

"Fireworks!" The children, who were at their own designated table, exclaimed in awe. Yes, the final gift of the event-coordinators was a beautiful fireworks display. Some of the designs were the words 'seme' or 'uke', or even pictures of Michael or Sasha.

Under the vibrant sky, people from all walks of life sat and watched in awe: celebrating the ending of the Games that had brought them all together.

* * *

"_Attention passengers,"_ The intercom of Domino City airport began, _"It's the beginning of the month, meaning CinnaBon is tossing out all of its old stock. Be sure to stop by for some free pastires while supplies last!"_

"Oh!" Demise was slowly walking towards the bakery when Count D stopped him. "Aw…"

"If you want cinnamon rolls, we'll make some when we get home." Count D was slowly preparing his twins to travel to Tokyo, back to the Petshop, when a familiar face graced his vision. "Wang Yao." He murmured as he walked over. China heard his name being called and replied,

"Count D." When both Chinese males were face to face, the nation began, "So it's come to this."

"This was quite the despute, what we had."

"Yes, yes it was. I'm sure we'll see each other down the road that is life. After that, both laughed before Yao commented,

"You're so ancient already, I'm sure of it."

…

3.. 2.. 1…

"JUST WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY ANCIENT?"

* * *

It was finally time to go home, the various members of both teams were making their own goodbyes to each other, especially to their friends that they hardly ever got to see.

"Keep me updated with the baby, Tracy!" Kabuto hugged the olive-haired man, who replied,

"I will… Please keep trying with Orochimaru."

"But of course!" The two shared a quick laugh before Tracy went to catch his and Prof. Oak's flight to Kanto.

"_Flight 321 to Denver, Colorado now boarding." _

"That's us!" Kyle, now with his long, red hair trailing behind him, grabbed his bags and began dragging Stan away.

"Bye dudes!" The brunette teen called as he and the other South Park dwellers walked towards their terminal. Kisame waved them off before he said,

"Nice bunch of kids… Except when they joy-ride with your only mode of transportation."

"Better than hearing Kyle's day to day dialogue. The boy really gave Hidan a run for his money." Itachi sighed, "And if I had to hear one more spasm from Tweek…"

"GAH! Where's my plane-ticket! AH, I must have lost it! I'M SO STUPID!"

"Damn it…" Itachi could only take a deep breath before he turned towards Link, Sheik, Roy, Marth, Ike, and Pit. "I hope you guys all have a good trip back to Smash Mansion."

"Thanks you two," Pit took Kisame and Itachi's hands, "We had so much fun! I hope we can get together again soon!" After various goodbyes were said, Crazy Hand floated over and announced,

"Next stop, the Puppet Universe!"

"NO!", the Nintendo characters all screamed as they disappeared.

At the same time, Shadow was filling up his motorcycle tank while Sonic bought snacks for the trip. When the tank was full, Shadow called his bluenette lover over and, after waving to everyone else, the two were off. Things seemed to go a bit smoother -

"NOO!"

Well, so much for that.

Everyone in the airport looked to the center of the building where Itachi and America were trying to pull their semes away from each other.

"Damn it, Itachi, why do you want to break up the best bromance I've had in a decade?" Kisame was pouting when Itachi finally succeeded in separating the two.

"Time to go home, Kisame, say goodbye to your friend." Russia then called over,

"Comrade, you have my twitter, da?"

"Yeah," Kisame nodded, holding up his phone, "Do you have my number?" Russia nodded,

"Do you have my e-mail?" Kisame replied,

"Yeah! But do you have my Facebook?" When Russia nodded tearfully, America huffed,

"Would you come on! Let's go Alexandr!" The snow-haired boy nodded and, after grabbing his father's hand, walked away with them to the flight back to Washington DC. After watching, and laughing a bit, at the scene Zane looked at his watch and stated,

"I've got a lecture to do so I have to catch the next boat back to Academia Island."

"Hey, we'll come with you!" Jaden exclaimed, grabbing Chazz and Aster, "Right guys?"

"Meh." The four departed, Kevin, Ben, Ken and Devlin leaving soon after (Ben had to get a smoothie and the line to Jamba Juice was hectic) Soon, everyone was gone leaving our favorite group of ninja.

"_Now boarding Flight 862 to the Land of Fire."_

"That's us, let's go." Naruto stated abruptly, not even saying good-bye as he, Sasuke, Kakashi, Iruka, Neji, Gaara, and Saya left for their flight. Kisame frowned,

"Is he still sore about losing The Marshland War?"

"Most likely." Orochimaru replied before he and Kabuto left. It wasn't even a minute before the intercom announced,

"_Flight 239 to The Mizu Union."_

"I can't wait to get home, un!" Deidara whooped, picking up Saso and allowing Sasori to get the bags. Everyone slowly boarded the plane, before Kisame smirked to his wifey. "You ready to go home?"

"Yeah, I guess so – What the hell?" Itachi was completely flabbergasted when Kisame picked him up and carried the noirette over his shoulder, giving the flight attendant both of their tickets. Seeing his parents antics, Mizuki simply sighed as he handed his ticket,

"Ignore them." He then tugged at a leash he had been carrying and said, "Come on Hun." The dog-boy merely barked once before following Mizuki to the plane.

The walk to the plane was quiet until 3..2..1… The screams of fangirls and the yells of the poor Akatsuki could be heard all through the terminal.

* * *

**A/N: **

**( 1 ) – Tetris was actually invented in Russia around the time of the Cold War. Isn't history fun?**

**TG- * backs up slowly * Okay guys… I know that you're all upset over the ending to the Games… But come on! You know I couldn't have had one team winning over the other. So let's all calm down and reflect on this with calm, collected - * runs like the wind ***

**Everyone else- Get her! **

**TG- Please review… If you're not too busy trying to kill me! **

**-Tyranno's girl.**


	78. Final AN

**A/N: **

**TG- Hey guys! It's Tyranno's girl and I'm here with Kisame Hoshigaki… **

**Kisame- Hey guys! **

**TG- And his lovely wifey Itachi. **

**Itachi- I could kill you and no one would know or care. **

**TG- The readers would care, right? **

**Readers- * crickets chirp * … **

**TG- Aw… Anyway, we're here just to talk about some things about the Games and… Kisame, what are you doing? **

**Kisame- * on his IPhone * Updating my twitter and seeing if – He did! Let's see what Ivan is up to… * reads * 'Currently at Mall of America with son and wife… Wife buying everything in sight despite recession.' He's so funny, isn't he? **

**TG- Yeah… But, um, that brings up a question. Itachi, what did you think of this prevailing bromance between your husband and Russia? **

**Itachi- Well, at first it was fine; I mean, Kisame always needs more friends. But when it started getting to an uber-friendly-sugar-friend-time, it was getting ridiculous. I mean, look at this! * points to Kisame * **

**Kisame- * on phone * Ivan! Yeah, I saw your twitter update! … Ha ha ha! Seriously? … That is too much! I – Itachi, wait what are you doing with my phone? **

**Itachi- * takes phone, tosses it into the air, and incinerates it * There, that's better. **

**Kisame- * sobs * Do you know how much that phone cost me? Kakuzu's going to kill me! **

**TG- Before Kisame cries anymore, let's continue. So, what were your thoughts on the Seme-Uke Games in general? **

**Itachi- You need writing help. This should not have taken a year to document events that took four months. **

**TG- Screw you, I tried you know. I told people that I needed a co-writer, but no… That's why if people say that there should be another 'Seme-Uke Games', I'm not doing it without a co-writer! **

**Kisame- Hey, except for the updates taking forever, I loved the Games! Team Seme FTW! **

**Itachi- Of course you would say that. Even though, if it weren't for the judges, Team Uke would have won. **

**Kisame- Heh, I highly doubt that, Itachi. **

**Itachi- How so? And choose your words carefully, **_**Mizukage-sama**_**. **

**Kisame- * looks away * You know what; maybe I'll just keep my comments to myself. **

**TG- Okay then, if there's nothing else you guys want to say… **

**Kisame- What about the extremely long list of 'thank-you's that you had made for the reviewers? **

**TG- * grits out * If people want to hear that, they'll visit my YouTube account to watch the AMV I made for the 100 reviews celebration. * sighs * No, this is about my up-coming projects. **

**Itachi- So, should I get the pop-corn started so we can sit through a bunch of your lengthy previews? **

**TG- Actually… No. My usual previewing style was taking too long, and with these fics if I preview anything, it gives away everything, so… We're just going to talk about my up-coming fics. **

**Kisame- Yay! **

**Itachi- Yay… **

**TG- Yeah! * sweat-drops * Let's get started. **

* * *

**TG- Let's start with my Naruto ones first. **

**Itachi- Aren't you just going to do a sequel to 'The Legend of Hoshi'? **

**TG- Yeah, that's one of them. 'The Legend of Hoshi: The WindWhistle' will be coming out… as soon as I finish 'The Legend of Hoshi: Metronome of Time'. **

**Kisame- In other words, not for a while. **

**TG- Pretty much. And, seeing as how I thought that ****LOZ: WindWaker****. Was really a joke of the ****Zelda**** series, this fic is majorily going to be a parody as well. You will hear more when I finish 'Metronome of Time' if anyone is interested. **

**Itachi- Next! **

**TG- Fine… * reads through files * Oh, this one is good! For all those people who wanted to find out when Mizuki and the other Akatsuki children came into the picture, exactly how Kisame became Mizukage, when he and Itachi got married, and other things… My fanfic 'Niebla, Brume, Foschia' is going to clear that all up. And if anyone is wondering what the title means… a cookie will go to whoever figures it out. Really easy though… **

**Itachi- So they'll be hearing about **_**everything**_**? **

**TG- Mm-hm! **

**Kisame- Like when James joined us for a few years after Sasori's death? **

**TG- Yep! **

**Kisame- Sasori's going to kill you. **

**TG- Yeah, he might… **

**Itachi- You aren't fazed at all? **

**TG- … * ignores the comment* Next project? Okay! * reads * Okay, now for my Hetalia work. The first one… **

**Itachi- Wait, what happened to the 'Saga of Evil'? **

**Kisame- Itachi, why did you bring that up? **

**TG- No, it's fine, I'll tell them… Do you guys remember the one full-length preview that I had in this fic? 'Saga of Evil'? Yeah, forget about it! It's dead! Remove it from your minds! Completely irrelevant! I even removed that section from the fic to cover everything up!**

**Kisame- But why? The nations were all ready and psyched to go! **

**TG- I understand that, but I was looking at what I had written so far for it and then I just said, 'You know what? I can seriously see coming back to this later.' That's what I'm going to do. **

**Kisame- Does that really explain why? **

**Itachi- Because **_**someone**_** here became obsessed with the ****'Mother'**** series. **

**TG- Shush! * ahem * Yeah, over the course of this fic, I've been getting into other games and one of them was the only-released in Japan 'Mother 3'. The story is so… God, it's so fucking amazing that I have to bring it to the larger audience via a Hetalia fic. The fic will be called 'Maman' and… It's going to be listed in the 'Prussia and Canada' section of the Hetalia part of the site. **

**Kisame- But the story-lines of those games are so depressing! **

**TG- Shut up. And, finally, the fic that will probably have most of my attention… It's funny, this idea actually arose from an argument that me and one of my friends had. I was on a three-way call with my main friends (one's a girl, one's a guy) and I was playing Tatsunoku vs. Capcom. I was going through story-mode and I just sighed, 'See, this is why they need to make a fighting game for Hetalia!' My friend (the guy, who also happens to be a Hetalia-hater) went off, saying that it would be a sucky game, a horrible marketing decision, blah-blah-blah… I retorted intelligently, saying it would depend on the plot and how the game was made. **

**Itachi- Because of that argument, she didn't talk to the guy for a whole day afterwards. **

**TG- But it did get me thinking. With the right plot and enough thinking it through, a suitable game could be made. Thus, I started work on the 'Hetalia – Rise of the Ancients' Project (on this site, the fic will be labeled as 'Hetalia – ROTA' and it will have a page on deviantart as 'The Hetalia – ROTA Project') and… that's all I'm saying right now. It's top secret. **

**Kisame- Wait, if it's top-secret, then why have you been recruiting other writers and artists to help you out? **

**TG- Oh shit, you're right. Um, wait a minute, I do want people to join and help but the page isn't up yet. It'll probably be up full-swing in March… Or late February. **

**In fact, that's when all of these fics will start, March… Or late February. Just keep me on Author Alert! And of course, my random spur of the moment one-shots and short fics will still be coming out so yeah. **

**Itachi- Wow, you have 2011 all planned out. **

**TG- Yep, and they'll each be one chapter a week updates. I'm done with multi-chapter updates, they're too damn hard! But yeah, I'll be typing the first chapters of those fics up and posting them after I finish 'LOZ: Metronome of Time' So I leave you with my most heartfelt thank-yous for following me this far. Though this story will be labled as 'Complete', I'll occaisionally post up notes here that will say if there's more fanart or if there's a new Seme Uke Games coming up (which will not happen unless I get a co-writer!) But for now...**

**Kisame- Remember that semes are awesome! **

**Itachi- And that ukes are the reasons for a seme's existence. * reads script * How come I'm on the bottom? **

**Kisame, TG- That's what she said! **

**Itachi- I'm surrounded by idiots… **

**TG- Love you all, see you soon! **

**-Tyranno's girl.**


End file.
